Hah. So true. Was married, have kids, tried the Military, climbed the corporate ladder and created a great career...never went away. So here I am. Finally dealing with it and WAY happier.

The younger generation is blessed , because you have access to all information via internet to identify and solve your problem. Many years ago , hardly you got information and many of us could not identify what is going-on , even did believe that their feeling is a single personal case in the whole world.

I found you when I searched “ftm after 40?” and I feel so much less alone after watching your videos and reading comments from other people. I’ve felt uncomfortable with my gender since I found out I wasn’t a boy and I’ve just kind of ignored it, been ashamed of it, rationalized it away, or…well. Mostly ignored it. But it does keep coming back and I often feel like it’s “too late” because I’m almost 40 and I’ve got these big ol’ hips and don’t think I’d ever pass like these younger people who are all over the internet doing their thing. I’ve got doubts and hang-ups and I was tempted to keep running, but I’ve been talking to a specialist instead. Finally. She’s helping me sift through 35 years’ worth of feelings and coping. Anyway, I’m glad to have found your videos (binge watching tomorrow, btw) and I’m even more glad that there are others out there like me.

I tried for 17 years to outrun my gender dysphoria and am now ready to accept it. I've been socially transitioned for 6 months now and loving it. I'm currently waiting for an appointment with the gender clinic and can't wait to begin the rest of my life finally being the woman i have always been ❤❤❤

I'm 56. My girls are grown. On my 3rd marraige. I told my husband two years ago I am non binary and he has been very supportive. Told him this Monday I'm ready for top surgery and we can't wait.

I wept when i listened to you. I cant pretend anymore. There must be another way. I am dying inside, perhaps i can begin this journey. Thank you.

I’m young but I feel exactly like this. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t so I may as well stay safe and keep it inside. (NB or FtM)

I've been trying to outrun it for about a decade. The day I finally took a step back and said "This is who I am and that's okay" was the best day of my life. I'm not sure I've ever felt happiness before then. Just set up an appointment to hopefully get on HRT. I'm nervous, but excited. Not sure I've ever felt those two in conjunction with each other before.

First I'd like to say thank you because the older trans folks are underserved in the media and social discussions. I tried to outrun dysphoria for 60 years and gave up. But the funny thing is that I never realized I had dysphoria until I really started my self introspection at nearly 60. Prior to that I never put a name to my issues and just thought that was normal for me. That's how deep in denial I was, and being born in 1957, no one ever talked about this stuff, and I had no words to describe it even if I wanted to. But now I realize the dysphoria influenced so many of my adult decisions, for instance, getting married and 19 and having a kid at 20. Looking back that was a horrible decision, but unconsciously it made me feel like the man everyone expects, a father and husband. So I was cured without even knowing I had dysphoria. OK, no I wasn't, it came back worse and harder to handle as I aged until I finally gave up and sought assistance and started transitioning at 60. Now coming up on 63, I have lost family members; friends; neighbors; colleagues but as you said I have gained so much. I will never go back, and to live authentically and without hiding took away so much anxiety, I can now live up to my potential and be happy! The self loathing is over and it allows me the opportunity of developing true relationships built on emotionally acuity I had buried for most of my life.

I needed this.

I explained away my masculine feelings for the longest time by saying it's because I'm a butch lesbian. But the dysphoric feelings just keep coming back.

This made me cry out loud in my car- I wasn’t expecting it to hit so close to home.

honestly, this was very helpful, i cant thank you enough for your words. personally, im a trans guy who suffers from OCD based intrusive thoughts, and for a long while, they've turned their attention towards my identity, telling me im "not really male", "actually a woman", or "secretly (insert identity here)", and it's so, so tiring. i have no problem with questioning identities or whatever, or "backtracking" if an identity isn't for me, but the thought of not being a man, of having to live the rest of my life as a "girl" makes me feel so hopeless and suicidal and i don't know what to do to make the thoughts stop. im constantly running, as you said, and it drains me in a way i cannot possible articulate. i truly feel like, in my hearts of hearts, i am a gay trans male. it makes me happy and hopeful, it feels RIGHT, like a weight is being lifted off my body, but i can never really seem to shake off the paranoia of "what if im wrong." sorry to turn this into a bit of a ramble/vent, but i really need to get this off my chest. thanks again for your advice and videos, miss, i hope your day is going a bit better than mine.

as i’ve written in my letter to my mother about this “Why would I WANT this? I’ve tried everything i could think of to put it behind me. but divorces, drop-outs and stagnation exist no matter what because under all of the effort is a hope for a life my soul is not interested in. I want to let my soul control my biology, not the other way around. “

That reminds me of something a transperson once said: "It's not pleasant, you go through all sorts of interesting changes, it cost me my spouse that I love dearly, but it was so important to me that it had to happen that I'm pleased that I did it. It's the best thing that I've ever done in my life."

I am 76 and have given up trying to do as you say. Over the next couple of weeks I will be starting my hormone treatment. You are so right.

I sincerely want to congratulate you for or spelling out everything that I have been going through all my life😥. I am still at a very early stage in my own transitions but it is very nice to hear kind words that explains how I have been feeling all my life.🌹👍

I only just discovered that I've been suffering from severe trauma stemming from gender dysphoria for over 20 years (I'm 34) and hadn't even realized it. It was like background noise in my life, but I've long felt like something was "off." Coming to that realization was easily the most profound and emotional experience of my entire life. Excited to finally find myself again and trying not to succumb to doubt.

So true! My gender dysphoria has been like a never-ending siren that has sounded at top volume all my life since I was a little kid. These feelings & thoughts are with me 24/7. It's the very first thought in my head when I wake up in the morning. It's with me piggy-backing on every...single...thought...and...feeling throughout my day & finally at the end of the day it's the last thought in my head as I nod off to sleep. And sleep brings no respite because then I dream of it! I'm very appreciative of channels like this one that address the real, life-altering pressures known so well by we the members of the trans community and especially those pressures unique to those of us transitioning later in life. Thanks to Dr. Z & others who bring their channels to the fore so that after decades of waiting to be acknowledged we finally have numerous, wonderful and even life-saving resources from which to draw and benefit without fear of ridicule or harm.

OMG, I am 42 now and I can strongly corroborate 100% what Dr. Z says here. The gender dysphoria is ALWAYS there, and the extent in which one can repress is the extent in which can distract oneself from it, which is no easy task whatsoever; it's full-time job. The urge to alleviate the dysphoria has been there since the age of 5, but no thanks to my parents and society, I was shamed into denying it and indeed, much of my life revolved around sustaining that denial. The turning point was when I developed enough emotional maturity to at least accept that maybe I could just experiment with baby steps and see what happens. Eventually, the mounting evidence is overwhelming and because I took baby steps, the shame and fear is much more manageable without immediately eliciting a flight or fight response and I finally could ~accept~ that one singular fear that I've spent my entire life repressing. Never underestimate the power and pervasiveness of denial. I'm sure much of this remains unintelligible for some because a precondition of acceptance is a sufficiently developed self-awareness, and self-awareness is something many people fear because it implies facing one's repressed memories and fears. We talk a lot about how space or the deep sea is humankind's final frontier; another frontier that earns this title are our rich and vast psyches. Denial can be beneficial as a temporary coping mechanism, but as a lifetime strategy, it's incredibly self-damaging.

I had to hold back tears watching this as it summed up the last 30 years of my life, everything just rang so true with me, I've been running away for so long. Eventually I couldn't take anymore and 8 months ago I decided to stop running away and start embracing who I actually am, I finally felt confident enough to come out to everyone, friends, family, colleagues and I've never felt better in myself than I do today. I still have a long road ahead but happier travels along this road as I simply could not carry on down the path I was walking along. Very insightful vid, thank you so much.

I've been binge watching your videos and things that you've said have clicked with me. I realize how I've always felt disconnected with my assigned gender but tried to ignore it either thinking 'it's a phase' because I'm only 18. I find myself constantly thinking what if I woke up in a male body then I instantly stop myself. I didn't even want to admit that I had dysphoria or any sort of feeling of discomfort even though I know that I do. I wanted to ignore it as I'm so scared of having to come out and because I know exactly what will happen if I decide to socially transition. It's like this internal struggle that's been going on since I was like 10 but I just pushed it all to the back of my head. I've tried so hard to ignore it but I know that I can't anymore. I don't fully know if I am non-binary or trans yet. I just know that I don't identify with my birth gender. I know I've got a long way to go but I'm glad that I'm starting to accept myself, even of it's just a little.

Thank you for this. Made me cry. I had tried to outrun this for all the reasons you listed until I finally accepted this. I have now been transitioning for 1 year and I feel so right in my skin both physically and more importantly emotionally. Of course, the people dropping away part has also happened and the acceptance part also.

Totally agree dr z I have stopped running and since February this year have been living as a female called CARA ALL my family have noticed I am much happier and less depressed I am looking forward to the journey ahead

Yes I have tried to escape dysphoria for most of my life by over compensating with hyper masculinity like sports. I am so tired of fighting it. Thank you. I love my inner woman.

Thank you, Dr. Z. Your words resonated with me. You truly understand. I am 36 and I feel like weeping, but no tears will come.

Dr. Z you are the voice of reason I so desperately needed. Having a professional tell me what I already know (but can ignore) is so unbelievably life changing

This discussion was very helpful for me. I’ve not been wanting to leave the house or do anything lately. I’m talking my feelings out with friends, which is great, and I’m honestly doing better than ever before, yet I’m terrified. In so many ways, your discussion resonates with me. I’ve lately been more depressed because I’ve been learning and realizing that the dysphoria will not be cured over transition, I have to be happy myself. This video was very helpful because I’ve been finding that I’m trying to find any evidence or feeling that I can to prove that I’m not trans, or can stay safely the way I am which doesn’t sound like anything I want at all. I know it’s the thoughts that come in and make me feel worse, but I seem to keep looking for a way out like you say, out running it. I do feel hopeful about the future, less so about the present but I’m learning. This was very helpful, as I’m waiting to see my own therapist soon. I’m finding that it’s more comfortable to keep living as the male identity so that I feel safe, and that’s okay, even if it feels stifling at times. I’d rather be able to leave the house and go to work, than to not go at all. I’m learning how to be easier on myself, but it’s such a whirlwind, and videos like this are literally keeping my mind from having a mental/psychological collapse. It’s an overwhelming feeling to be a bit older, and to realize this actually has affected me my whole life, and it ties into everything, that I’ve always been able to easily overlook or not go there in my mind. It’s like a tsunami wave that comes crashing down. I do feel better about the possibilities of coping now. Thanks for your video and asking for comments. 🙏 - Indigo.

DR Z you have honestly saved my life. I am so happy and blessed to have found your content. I'm 24 years old and have been questioning my gender for the past 2 months and now. When I look back, there are signs I wanted to explore my femininity more but was never able to. I'm so excited but anxious as well, but I have such a burning part of me that just HAS to explore this side of me or I will be outrunning gender dysphoria for years and I can't let that happen! I just so badly want to give you a hug!!

It took me a long time to come to the realization that telling myself "I can be a man if I just find the right woman to be with." was not helping become the happy person I want to be. I have been fortunate to have been in relationships with several very wonderful women, but none of those relationships worked because I wasn't the "true me" and my mind kept telling me something was wrong with the relationship. My mind was right, I just mistook that the problem was "I was not with the right woman", when in reality the problem was "I wasn't the right me". I was also with the wrong gender of partner, but the bigger issue was being the wrong gender in the relationship. Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right." I think a similar principle can be applied there, "Your mind knows if something is right or wrong with yourself, it's whether or not you are willing to lie to yourself or acknowledge the truth about yourself that is more important to your own personal happiness."

Dear Dr Z, All your videos are SO helpful and inspiring. I always wondered if this feeling was a trap or a demon. I have been wearing female attire and dreaming of being female for at least 35 years. I’m glad finally in my life I can get a true understanding of this issue and read about so many others feeling really close to what I’ve been expiriencing all these years, playing guy when I’ve really identified with femininity and females. Trying to be the Mans man was and is so phoney to me and I’ve struggled to play that game . I must say , being a male got me a lot farther in life then if I transitioned 30 years ago. I might be living on the street or have been murdered. That’s the haunting reality of my taking so long to “submit”to my feminine being. Thank you again for All the presentations. You are a PRO Robyn

Thank you Dr Z for an excellent topic once again. Ive stopped running finally. Its really not worth the unnecessary pain. Im putting on my high heals to walk side by side with dysphoria and not out run it. I can not be afraid any longer.

I 'TOTALLY' relate to what you said here doc! I have fought, fought aaaaaand FOUGHT all my nearly 53 years, thinking I was perverted or something, even became close to alcoholic for some years just to numb the pain. Then I decided a month or so ago that enough was enough and spoke with my GP who was so understanding and got me referred for the waiting list! I will no longer doubt myself or look back. The sooner I am on hormones and get my surgeries the better! Accepting myself was an IMMENSE RELIEF! And I've already come out to everyone who the majority have shown an amazing level of support 🙂💜

I just found this channel and I am so thankful for your words, messages and information! I am afab and still figuring out who I am, but my dysphoria was really bad in the last couple of months. Thank you for helping me understand this. And yesterday I finally told my parents that I have gender dysphoria and it's so easier now not to run away.

Hearing all this for the first time actually put into words is very empowering. I am slowly realizing I now have the tools to dig myself out of this substance abuse hole I put myself into - and I am so happy to do it. Thank you Dr. Z!

I am so glad I found your channel. I have was running away from my dysphoria my whole life up till a couple of years ago. After going to a therapist I finally realized this is how God made me. I have now accepted this great part of me.

BRILLIANT! Dr Z - I love your posts! You are so much in tune! This is so wonderful! Please elaborate on this regularly! Thank you for this brilliant analytical commentary! It provides understanding and encouragement to me! I plan to replay this regularly for encouragement!

You help me cry. And i love it! Thank you so much. These videos are the only thing keeping me sane during my lowest of lows. 👽

Yes,Totally agree thank-you

Thank you I have been dealing with dysphoria for my whole life. It's just something that I have always known, but my partner has never experienced it. When I tried to explain what it was to him, he told me that it would go away, that it would effectively disappear over time if I learned to accept myself for who I am- that I could outrun it. I knew it wasn't true, but I hadn't done any research on it, and this video has just made me feel validated in ways I have never felt before. I cried when through this video. Not only because I wanted but I needed someone who understood what I was going through to tell me the truth. Thank you.

Thank you for helping so many of us. I've been married for 24 years and have 4 children. My floodgate opened about 2 months ago. It has been really tough. I relate 100% to this video.

Whewwww man.....this video touched my whole sole!!!! This hit the nail on the head for me so to speak.

Thank You. This really hit home with me. I am 73 and have struggled my lifetime coping with my secret. Just before I listened to this podcast I was once again journaling to help me cope. I wrote in my journal that I have spent my life in a “ busy aloneness.” Just as Dr. Z has so thoroughly described in spending your life trying to outrun the truth. As one of Cher’s song titles, If I Could Turn Back Time, I would certainly take a different path.

Another thoughtful and helpful video, Dr. Z. Thank you. I had a feeling of foreboding when I saw the thumbnail for this, but clicked on it because I knew I have to hear it. It's so true, you cannot outrun gender dysphoria, just as you can't outrun yourself. Who you are is deep inside you, and it's not a title or degree or a part of your life you can distance yourself from. And that is why it affects every part of your life, which you describe so well. Your description of dysphoria as a symptom of disorder is also so helpful. I know that we're supposed to be getting away from that word and I understand that caution, there's a stigma. But what you said about dysphoria, about it telling us that the body is literally not in order, makes so much sense. You are a wonderful guide.

this is so true, I am trying to out run my dysphoria and the pain just get harder as year goes by thank you Dr Z for your talks the have help me so much

I needed this as well thank you very much! Horrible things happened when I was growing up and I thought that I had deserved it because I am Trans. And in watching your videos I am starting a journey of self love and acceptance and most importantly an open honest communication with myself. It is difficult sometimes but I really want to liberate myself and prove to myself that I can make it.

Your truths have hit me. I know what I have been doing for most of my life. I still have the fear of how much I will lose and how I would potentially suffer. I know I am hiding. Very useful video, thank you.

Dear Doctor Z, Love your video series, still enjoy it now 4 years after being out and proud and not afraid of what i new since 5 years old that i was and am a woman in my heart and mind. That being said ouch 31 years of living a lie, i'm 39 and don't count those first four years that i cannot remember only those now that i have memories and sense of self as well as whom i am. Anyhow, cross dressed in private till was old enough to leave home for college, but by then felt i'd lose friends and family...end up alone. Always loving music, and thankfully still do, as well as reading and the arts, i buried my self in these other joys, in a sense tried to fill that hole, that issue that was sucking me into not being happy with other stuff. So i bought tons of music and as soon as would gain so much knowledge of a group, like lets say the rolling stones, which in another video, yep i can see its the rolling stones, at first thought it was the Beatles, but can now see Mr. Richards. So alway loved the Beatles, and thankfully never traded those, but as far someone like Bowie whom i didn't get into till late high school, simply no one ever turned me on to him, but when did wow, but after buying about everything instead of just enjoying it, i need something else, so sadly i traded it for some other artist whom sort of liked, like the Rolling Stone or Deep Purple or what ever. When i got injured on the job and was so close to feeling comfortable and able to come out that got sabotaged by accident cause had to move home and start over. During that time Heavy Metal as well as alcohol came into my life, metal cause hey we all need some sort of cathartic relation, i'm pissed your pissed, let communally be pissed together, but that even stopped working. As for bead became a bear snob, but, also became an alcoholic, never drank on the job but i could go to sleep or function outside of what ever temp job i could get without having a beer or two. So i was unhappy with my wait, unhappy with my job and my life, was completely alone and just miserable, i could keep out running the dysphoria and even feared is to late will i be able to transition, and end up failing, thankfully, as committing suicide. Woke up the next day, eventually after coming to and thankfully alive, a quote from still a favorite author of mine, Stephen King, came to mind, get Busy Living or Get busy dying, and i'd tried the latter and while i knew i needed to change wasn't sure accept that i knew it was cause we weren't facing out Dysphoria. So started getting ourselves together more again from the rubble of what i had created for myself. I was still drinking, but trying to cut back, and trying to walk more, lift some waits, as well as, getting a better job and started putting together a plan to transition. I won't lie scariest was first time i told a family member or friend, thankfully 95% have stuck by me, but as i stopped lying and ignoring my truth allot of stuff thought i needed to get by i did not. I still say first month or two of HRT beer still tasted great but was maybe at most going okay have one with a friend, but, around the time of my first birthday I had one i'd saved, one i'd only been able to get a hold two years earlier by luck and once again, and hadn't had a beer for two weeks, took one sip and went nope, not for me anymore. I know it wasn't bad beer cause a friend whom is still a beer snob, he toke the next step and went damn girl really you don't think that taste great and i had to go nope, that taste horrible. Oh I'll have a sip of someones beer here and there and do enjoy a good glass of wine maybe on the weekend with a friend with dinner, but the need for alcohol isn't a big need for me cause know it was just something to mask or blur the truth i was afraid of that i feel i've faced now. Music, same things, and hope don't go WHAT! you don't like the stones, no not really, and thankfully have been able to buy back 90% of my David Bowie, yeeesh, cannot believe i trade in so much of that collection for something like Deep Purple or what ever i want to explore instead of just streaming it for awhile, but now i don't feel like i'm using it like a drug, but instead am enjoying it as i did when i was kid at my parents home, really just enjoying and letting my heart strings guide me. I'm grateful for all the knowledge i've gained, including the not so fun or nice stuff from the dysphoria, but going okay we know not facing the truth what its going to cause or feel, so what is are option run away and feel horrible or face it, even if scary, and deal with it pleasurable or not? i'm choosing to deal with it, sometimes it doesn't work out great, in the case of someone i burned and tried to apologies they said nope i don't care go and "blank" yourself, but, even trusting more towards my buddhism all i can do is apologies but live honestly by what i said in my apology and hope they will see my sincerity of truth through my actions. But i feel music and for alcohol became my addiction my crutch that was holding me up but not helping me to stand and be mobile to be completely. not sure how to end this, but yah you cannot out run it, and honestly, while all trans people are different for sure, i've learned that helping to run a support group, i'm going wow if you feel how i felt, all i can say is yah its not easy, but it gets easier as you start living honestly and not dishonestly, but keep lying and you'll just keep experiencing pain and even make long term decision you regret that you might have to compromise that if you didn't lie you wouldn't have to go woops that was wrong, cannot completely fix it just live with it, darn if only i'd...so yah completely agree with you video DR. Z. thanks and have a wonderful safe day, thanks always for a good video, always get me think about questions or rethinking about things in new perspective then i have, but HRT and now post surgery, vaginoplasty, 8 months, i'm going oh yah, i wish i'd soooooo done this sooner. bye :)

oh wow - you hit so many of my thought process in just the first 5 minutes WOW!

I wrote the comment below before coming to the end of Dr. Z's video. How did it affect my life? I realize now what is my authentic self. Still far from passable and I have serious doubts about ever getting there - being much older does not help. But, with acceptance of myself as trans I now know what it is to live connected, liking myself, knowing I am a special human being.

Been listening to your videos and just saw this one. OMG , this is exactly how I felt all my life. Now , as I’m older , the feeling and desire to be female is stronger and stronger than ever. Just can’t avoid it any longer. In private, when I live as female , I’m so much happier. In private outside areas when I dress in female clothes from underwear to an outfit, I’m so much happy and feel comfortable and normal. I understanding that female is who I am and who I want to be.

I wonder why when I listen to you I come away with a sense of feeling confident about what I am and feeling masculine and like how a woman supports a man with her power and it feels like something I always chased ...but I can’t achieve this in relation to my family or others who know what I am ...I am more comfortable around those who don’t know my status even if the few who know are okay with it more or less. It’s nice to not feel weird or wrong - even better to feel an inner stability and like I’ve got my mojo going on. Thanks Doc for what you do !!!

Wow Dr Z PHD you hit the nail on the head. Your insight is beyond my compression. Sometimes I think that there must some kind of a difference in percentage of gender dysphoria in people who are transgender because it seems like some people are more driven to transition then others like myself. I have mostly been reluctant to allow myself to accept that I am actually a female , and that I am just a different kind of female. I am a female with a male body, if I can say that. Everything you said in this video is true about me. I want to find a way to out run it. Like a video game when I can't find a way to the next level it seems impossible but then I crack it open and I find a way out. I wish I could find a way to beat dysphoria. I'm getting older, and the dysphoria you speak of is getting stronger. It has a grip on me that I can't defeat. I feel like I am always going to be a female even though I have a male body. Thank you for reaching out to me, and others like myself. Take care of yourself.

Than you Dr Z. I’ve listened to this video many , many times and it has clearly help me out so much to understand myself and not live with guilt.

This was so helpful. A heartfelt 💕thanks for sharing your wisdom!

You are so spot on I just say yes to everything your saying how I feel

It never ever goes away, it's always there. As time progresses it gets worse until something has to give. Unfortunately when I was younger I would do stupid things to make it stop. Finally as I got older & started to research my situation, I started to put together a scenario where I could survive all the mental agony I was going through. I don't know if I will ever completely transition but I sure as heck will do the absolute best I can. The HRT really helped quite a bit but it's only one little step in the journey I'm on. Thank you for letting me rant. I'm really getting overly emotional with all this negative speech from people who don't or won't even try to understand what we go through just to survive.

WOW! This video so accurately described my over 65 years of trying to outrun my feelings of being a fraud -- that I was not who I presented myself as. I was (and am) so afraid of losing those I love that time over time when my "issue" reared up, I felt it was better to bottle it up, run away, and lose myself. And now, I'm still scared but taking baby steps to understand. I'm drying my tears now, pulling my self up, preparing to take a baby step.

I am 25 years old and I had 7 relationships with very little time in between and everytime i got with someone new, they and the troubles in the relationship were the mainfokus of my life. Seeing your video I think gender dysphoria might have been the reason I always found it so hard to be alone. I tried to transition when I was 22 but back then it was just too much to handle and I changed my strategy to studying sociology and just "deconstructing" gender, but I finally came to realize that this is just not working and trying it again now and even though I am facing the painful feelings of GD now I start to feel more in peace when I am alone and I am a little scared on whats gonna come with the steps I am taking, but then again I finally feel, like I can make and that all of this is going to be worth it! Thank you so much for your videos, Dr. Z! You are just amazing and everything I never understood about myself falls into place through the resources you provide. Really, just thank you!

I have been running away from gender dysphoria most of my life. I didn't even know what I was running away from. I just knew it was there, and I couldn't escape. I did decide to liberate myself about two and a half years ago. I lost some people but I gained so many friends, I am happier, I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I recently found that special someone that fully accepts me. In retrospect, this was the best decision I ever made. Thank you for the wonderful video!

This is exactly how I felt until I did something about it, I wish I had had the knowledge and vocabulary to articulate this when I was younger so maybe I could have transitioned in my early teens instead of when I turned 50. Thank you Dr Z!

Thank you for this video ❤ 2020 was rough but silver lining for me was I stopped running and actually looked at what it actually was running from. I remembered as a small child asking why I couldn't be a boy. Dressing as one for a few years before being told I couldn't. Hiding away in hoodies.. 29 with 2 kids now and I'm not running anymore. It feels so good to stop running

I subconsciously knew I was different since I was about 6 years old. The hints were so very subtle and random, I passed them off as "just my personality" at 42 I learned about transgender people and their life experiences, I recognized I was feeling something similar and that's when I really began to see how my sex didn't seem right for me. I became depressed with my body, face and upper body the most and started feeling real jealousy of other trans women. Amazing what changes in your mind once you achieve self realization. I don't know if that is dysphoria but I'm embracing how I feel, listening to my heart and on my transition journey.

you are 100% correct on this topic. i attempted to out run dysphoria for most my life, and lived with chronic depression,anxiety an bitterness. spent many yrs trying different medications and treatment for the depression and nothing ever worked. it wasnt until i broke down in my doctors office and admitted to her that i have gender dysphoria did life change for me. i received referrals and began HRT,almost instantly all that depression,anxiety and sadness was lifted and now i am almost a year on HRT and working on my surgery letters. I have nvr felt more happy or alive and your videos have help me alot along the way,so thank very,very much. sincerely,Stephanie.

DR Z your channel is an essential for the Transgender community. I thank you for your work and efforts helping people like me.

Transition saved my life. It's true, you cannot outrun dysphoria, but surrendering to what dysphoria means and accepting yourself is the best gift you can give yourself

Thank you again Dr Z, you are so lovely!

Dr Z, great posts! Thank you! Teri

I am only 17, but I know the feeling of trying to outrun dysphoria. I did it for two years because I was afraid of letting down my parents, my entire family and friends. I am not afraid anymore, and this summer, when I turn 18 I will finally start transitioning like I have (consciously) dreamed for 3-4 years now. It is SCARY, but I feel like it's the only thing I can do. It's obviously not a "fix-it-all", but I have dealt with my depression (that lasted years) and now in quarantine I find myself more depressed each and every day AGAIN, because I am so much alone. I also notice that my dysphoria is more and more present, because I am not trying to outrun it by keeping myself busy. I know I am very young so I am glad I caught on this so early. I thank the internet for all the resources that helped me realize who I am. It is a double edged sword though, since now I find myself doubting, "is this really what I am supposed to do, will this actually make me feel better or is it just something that I have found comfort in during my hardest years with depression and/or is it just something that I have exposed myself to too much and thus want to do it?" My both parents quite firmly denying nearly all possibility I could be right about this doesn't help. They listen, but they deny and most often act as if I didn't exist as me, even though they know how I feel. But I have decided, "f*ck them" and do what I feel best. And that is going to a gender clinic this summer when I turn 18 and see what happens. The fact that I just want to be a girl so bad and I would be so disappointed if I didn't get my diagnosis is a pretty reassuring thing for me. As you read earlier and then noticed, I find myself with the same doubts that you talked about in this video. So, it's nice to hear I am not alone. It just feels like everyone's pushing me into the wrong "place" right now and I can't bear it, I feel like I need to get away from everybody I know and just start living authentically. I love my family and parents, but life just feels so bad. Thank you for reading and thank you for this video!

You are so right! I tried it all, joined the army, got married twice have children. Worked hard, worked myself into a breakdown, in the end I came out at 55 two and a half years ago, now living as a woman and haven’t looked back, hormones are slowly changing my body and features and I love it.

Thank you for making a video on this. I have been running from my gender dysphoria for 12 years now. I became consciously aware of my dysphoria when I was in 11th grade of high school. I cut my hair short, started wearing masculine clothing, and stopped shaving. I came out to my mom when I was in 12th grade but I was still extremely confused. I didn't use the words transgender, I didn't really have any education on LGBTQ+, I just wanted told my mom I wanted to be male. And I remember her face looking just as confused as I felt. I grew up in a Christian household and was raised that way, so it also felt like I was doing something wrong. Like I was bad in some way for feeling these things, so the guilt was also hard to bear. I never came out to my dad, and I don't know if my mom ever said anything. Nothing really moved forward from that point and for my first two years of college I was extremely depressed and still confused. After a while I stopped thinking about my dysphoria so much. I believe as a way to mentally cope I just tried to convince myself that I didn't actually want to be male I just didn't know how to accept myself. I tried to convince myself of that for a long time. But even so I never had my hair long again, I still shopped in the men's sections for clothing, and it still made me happy when people couldn't tell my gender or called me male. But I lived as a "girl" for my whole college life. Only this year, 12 years later, have I had the courage to re-examine myself. My friend came out to me as being bisexual, and I also found out that Lil Nas x was openly gay. As silly as it may sound those things gave me courage. I had started to have dreams of my future from the beginning of the year and in those dreams I was always male. I realized that this is actually me. I am tired of trying to run away from who I am or convincing myself that it is not me. I actually came out to my mom again just 2 weeks ago. She was very supportive and told me to be who I needed to be. I also came out to my best friend. Today I'm going to call my dad and tell him too. I'm tired of running away and I just want to be me. Thank you again.

When i turned 50 i said i don't give a sh*t anymore about what people thing in general. Exactly one month later i was ready and crawled out of my egg.. having struggled ever since i remember. Now i know what i was struggling with. And now im waiting to get called in at the local psych to get send to Oslo University Hospital.. finally.. i feel so reliefed and powerful ! Thanks for your video's its so supporting to all of us, no matter what phase you are in!

Such beautiful content, thank you Dr Z!

Ive lately been adoring your content. Thank you so much =)

Hi Dr Z this video helped me I had dysphoria when I was young but didn't understand it put it on pause got married had two children reached 48 realized what's going on and came back and feel i may never outrun this now 51 putting in place how to solve this. I do go out dressed and I feel comfortable with it. Keep up with these great videos

I tried to out run it for so long. I was married (twice) and did everything I could think of to convince myself that I could beat it. As of now, I've been on HRT for 4 months. I finally feel as peace with myself. It did cost me though. It cost me my marriage, most of my family, and most of my "friends." I've still got the love and support of my kids and have found many new friend who love and accept me for who I really am.

Dr. Z, I am young and this is my exact experience. I've been trying to run away for years until now and I'm finally going through the process to start HRT. Honestly, it's still rough but I realize now how much worse running makes me feel.

I started taking testosterone on a low-dose 2 months ago and it has been seriously good life changing I have been really really realizing like how all the signs of gender dysphoria were there when I was a child and I repress them all of these little indicators have been present throughout my whole life and it really does feel so fantastic and liberating to begin this journey I almost want to cry and thank you so much for your videos Dr Z this is been so helpful and grounding for me during this transitional time when I do not yet have access to a gender affirming therapy thank you so much

WOW OMG , this is me to a T , I needed to hear this , Thank you , I'm tired of running

Definitely! I've tried the outrunning it part. I remember recognizing myself as a transwoman without knowing anything about the whole matter a few years before getting married to my best friend (not the first time, but it was one of the more notable). I even talked about how I felt like I was going to turn into a woman someday to her a few times before then. Years later, we broke up over my initial awakening to my dysphoria and what that was called. I realized that on every relationship I had with women, I was trying to use their femininity to polarize me, to distract me into a "normal" male-oriented way of living. I feel like I put so much pressure on them to keep me male, that it strained our relationship, even if only from a subconscious level. Like outrunning a tsunami using someone else's car. Good news! The wave caught up to me and now I'm just trying to figure out my way from here.

Thank you so much doctor for this eloquent explanation :) For me it's more like if it's real, let's just be done with it. I already incured all the losses that others fear...

Since coming out to various family members over the last two weeks and to myself about 3-4 weeks ago. My brain has started to "unlock" past memories to be viewed more clearly and/or through my current lense. Like for some reason, now that i'm aware of this problem i have with myself it (my brain) is giving me examples/memories to justify being trans when I have self doubt. Like towards the end of this video. I was always doing and going in high school and the few years following. A sport per season, band, wood working, then a summer job before college, working. Even when I had to quit my job, I still tried to have something going by working on various projects at home. More specifically, the memory is of how I never liked to be idle and in my own thoughts when I was growing up. I was always afraid of what my brain kept telling me and subsequently tried blocking it out. A lot can be contributed to societal norms and pressures on what it is to be male. 2019-2021 pandemic was basically the catalyst needed to come to this realization of who I am. Everything was shutdown and there isn't much to do besides stay home. I'm more likely to just let my brain do its thing when its handing me info now. 24y/o mtf, pre-most everything.

I am totally there I’m 60 been married twice had kids and lost everything I’ve spent 3 months in the hospital it finally came out I had to accept it. Now I’m just now picking up the pieces of my life.

Your right. I was running for many years, even got married and had children. Finally open up and confessed to my cause it was making it hard on our marriage.

OMG this was sooooo me for the longest time. I was running because i was always told it was wrong so i tried to dive deeper into everything and people pleasing activities. I did all the things a "typical woman" was supposed to do. Have kids, get married, be so prim and proper and I always felt so fake! It took a friend I made a few years ago to ask me one day "who are you?" I responded to him with my usual, at the time catch phrase of "I am ME." He said "No, who are you really?" And I couldn't answer it. I thought about it for a long time and realized I haven't been me for a long long time. Since i was 19 (I'm now 37) I decided to say screw it to everyone and finally for once put ME first and start Testosterone. My first day was Dec 24 2022 and I have officially been 6 months on T and the happiest version of me I have ever been! I feel like I got to pick up at 19 and live the way I was supposed to live still all the while being my authentic self. My friends are so happy for me and have noticed the confidence boost and happiness levels have definitely gone way up. No more driving myself insane by putting everything else first and 100% of me into everything BUT ME.

That described me quite well. I would work and it would be enough of a distraction most days and maybe I got ahead of it for a while but it always caught up. Right now I'm feeling ahead of it but know it's only a matter of time before it overtakes me. The worse part is when I feel like this I'm not motivated anymore...

I focused on work, and when I was younger I tried doing the whole I can be a tough guy, I accepted that I was trans in my early 20’s but pushed off doing anything about it because I wanted a family. I finally started my transition in September made me really happy but you are right I still have days where the voices tell me my body is wrong. I now know that having a family will come with being happy, and finding the right person to accept who I am.

As a born male I now believe that I should have been a woman, I personally hate living as a guy, I feel much happier and joyful when I’m in my feminine mindset, now If only my outside matched my inside all would be much much better, being in my mid 40’s and going through this really sucks, I tried to bury it many times but it comes back with a vengeance, I can totally relate to what you said in this video, I very much wish I could have know who I truly am much earlier, however with where I’m from and my childhood upbringing it would have been shut down Immediately anyway so perhaps now is a better time for me, sorry for the long comment, I’m very glad to have found your KZfaq channel Dr. Z it’s extremely helpful, thank you for the wonderful job you’re doing.

So informative thank you!!! I've heard what cis people say after a transgender person leaves the room. Not "wow what courage" like you might hear on Oprah Winfrey its "omg what a fill the blank" (insert humiliating adjectives) and sadly I tend to agree however as soon as I allow myself to be the woman I am I feel no need to drink beer and overeat and an odd unfamiliar smile emerges in the mirror and I feel so very deeply relieved. Day 2 begins

This lady is a so right every video

Yes ive tried to outrun it, realizing itll allways b ther. Basicly gettin back on track to what makes me happy and accept who I am ...

I Love 💕💕 you Dr Z, hope and pray one day I can become half the woman you are

I’m 18. I’ve been genuinely thinking lately that if I just push down my crippling severe dysphoria and focus on hobbies and work and staying busy all the time then my dysphoria would be less of a problem. My parents are also really pushing me to try to outrun dysphoria by overworking myself. I accepted that I have dysphoria a few years ago and am currently trying very hard to start my transition. I am struggling financially so we’ll see how that goes but I have hope, I’m not gonna try to outrun this. Thank you so much for making this video, I feel like I dodged a bullet.

I'm 23 and ive done this. Because I was scared of the consequences. And I got a panic disorder from it. I am finally starting to accept that this is the way i have to go to be comfort able with myself.

Thank you, so glad I found your channel. I don't want to keep running. I'm 23 and I knew I was non binary since I was little but kept hiding and denying it. On my journey to accept that I have gender dysphoria and its okay.

I came back to this now. I made some progress after seeing this video last year I still went fuck it and tried to run away so i dont face any negative outcomes from social transition. Im glad ive came back and decided to carry on my journey as its already making me feel more relived and confortable.

I have been trying to outrun it for years. Rebuilt houses, drove race cars very successful and very few mechanical challengers I can’t figure out, but my gender dysphoria..... I am on the cusp of giving in and dressing as a woman to find out how it makes me feel. Thanks for sharing

Thank you so much for this video i think i understand what i need to do to move forward :)

Am 23 years old and I ve been fighting these feeling for a long time now. Nearly everyday I get the exact same feelingmore so when am alone, I try to keep my mind busy as I have a loving girlfriend and a house. But I always feel empty inside not forfilled, i have been terrified to tell anyone about it as I feel cornered in who I should be and I dont want to lose anyone. Watching this video has told me what I wanted to hear but I just don't feel confident to do anything about it but I dont want it to be to late to do anything about it either.

I had my struggle since I was a preschooler. My parents thought I would grow out of it. LOL! I am not going to fight who I am anymore if I loose family and/or friends I guess they weren't in for the long run anyway. I've got to be me.