NEVER let someone else turn their problems into your problem.

Passive aggressive people are cowards with a hostile mentality.

Most passive aggressive people are very insecure. The whole passive aggressive thing is just smoke and mirrors game to hide these insecurities

Most passive aggressives will deny it when you call them out and try to make it seem like you are the problem.

Instructions unclear, whacked my friends against the tree and collected their saliva.

Boy From Arkansas: Whacks snake against tree. Snake: I trust you now.

Ask passive aggressive people to define their terms. Such as: “What do you mean by that?” Or “Why are you saying that?” Call them on their passiveness - point it out - it will be uncomfortable for both of you - but every time I have done this the person knows that they will be called on it and we are able to get quicker to what that person is trying to say. Try it - also - don’t be afraid to call it out. Passive aggressive people are always mostly just hurt and afraid of being more hurt. Remember that.

The really horrible thing when we face passive aggressiveness is that we always take the first hit. We don't expect it and often don't figure out what the snake is doing until a minute later.

"Bring it out in the open. Expose the ambush." That's it right there

At work, and in business, the best way to deal with a snake is to destroy them. Here’s how: 1.) in the workplace, make allies through your work, build relationships and gain their trust. Once you get more creditors from your peers and leaders (the ones that matter), than your enemy, then you have an advantage over your enemy. 2.) Document everything, keep emails, notes, and tabs on everything, but do it privately. 3.) Don’t respond to sarcasm, ever. 4.) Find as many faults in the enemy as you can. Use their faults to your advantage, by excelling in things that they are weak in. Combine all of these things together, and you’ll eliminate the snakes, or they’ll fall back and leave you alone.

I want to get to Jockos level where it doesn't bother me. I'm actually embarrassed with myself when insecure people make me insecure. Great advice!

“I have high hopes on people but no expectations” Brilliant 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Passive Agressive are the two worst things you can be in life, hostile and cowardly. If you're going to be hostile, at least go all the way, instead of using sneaky tactics to keep your reputation

"They're attacking your ego". Oh man, that just clicked for me.

I. " Snakes " don't ever stop trying to bite or " poison " you. A dismembered snake head will continue to bite. II. They have a personality disorder and you are not going to fix it, or make them think anything other than what they want to think. III.Snakes want to think they are better than you. IV. Snakes will always think they are better than you and will always look for an opportunity to bite you; if only to satisfy a need for their own sick self gratification.

He ran with the snake analogy so much...i really thought he was explaining how to handle snakes

"Hurt people hurt people."- Kendrick Lamar, 2021.

Can we have jocko wear a shirt with echos face on it. As always, you guys are always awesome and on point.

Remain calm and patient. Make your decisions and choices based on the facts and arguments. Appear oblivious to their power games. There's a certain likelihood that they'll never affect you in any real way. However, pay close attention. The one concession to not letting them affect your choices is that you mustn't allow yourself be maneouvered into a defenseless position, a position where you're entirely dependent of factors that they can control or predict. Study their methods, figure out their motivations, and learn to predict their games. If things get serious, they'll start building a device (trap, case, coalition) against you. Make sure you can match it with both defence and offense. In this case, a good defence may be the best offense; failure will expose them, and they don't do well in the open. Thinking that you're oblivious, they'll be surprised by any competence you show. At some point, you may want to show a little of your hand, as a warning, to prevent confrontation in the first place, but never show your full hand. If it does come to a confrontation, show no quarter. You can't make peace with snakes. Expose them completely, leaving them no weapons, or get them out of your life completely, or gain complete dominance over them in the shared arenas. Importantly, make sure you're right, and that they really are snakes. A strategy that works well against snakes will get you killed against a grizzly. Really, though, I'm not sure dealing with people like this can be taught. This level of analogy (snakes and grizzlies) are a sure indication that there are a lot of difficult judgement calls involved. Defeating "snakes" has a lot to do with controlling yourself, rather than anything or anyone else. It comes with time, in part from general maturity, and in part from experience. I guess the only really useful advice is in my first sentence: "Remain calm and patient." I'm not deleting everything else I wrote, though. I should, but I won't. It took me several minutes to write that, and I'm not replacing it with just four words. If anyone is still with me, replace it in your mind. Also, my apologies.

Have better stuff going on in your life than the person and situation your dealing with. Boom bam done

"if you don't play with the snakes, you don't get the antivenom". God damn, Jocko... You're like the everyman's Confucius. Powerful words.

What an interesting way to interact with passive aggression. Not letting it tick you off. Amazing.

“You need the snakes because they eat the rats”. DANG

Jocks was finally disciplined enough to pay the electric bill

This is a big problem for me, just the cuddly giant. I don't like confrontation. Love being motivated and working, to 'get ahead'. I often get front loaded with others work, get behind. Then axed. I used to get extremely upset for getting played, why don't others see my value. They do, but they see it when I'm gone when they have to do their work again. Understanding the metaphor of "Flank, or be Flanked" has really helped me a lot. Just understanding my personality, and not letting it be absued, but still, that friendly open atmosphere, welcoming and inspiring others with my enthusiasm. Go get it bruisers!

I’m listening to this taking mental notes but also thinking this is so sick. I’m annoyed that I’m having to deal w a family member who’s like this but I appreciate the self growth and knowledge I’m gonna gain. 💪🏾

So relatable. My childhood best friend is a passive aggressive asshole (somewhat) and the best way to deal with him is by 1) Don't hold onto his invalid criticisms like a grudge. 2) Don't have an ego 3) Be demeaning in their own way. Make it a point to rub it in their face when they need help. You might think this would sour relations but I've noticed PAs get pretty respectful once they realize you're going to act the same way to them. Compartmentalizing is key though. Don't go out being an asshole to everyone.

You destroy them with reason, facts, and rationality until you break their spirit.

Jocko is on point when he talks about joining the snakes to make a "game" of it. Something I discovered in the work place. Don't try to beat them by takeing the "moral high ground" drop to their level and beat them with experience. It doesn't always look good but it'll tone them down and they will start to second guess themselves next time they decide to take "jabs."

10:02 - "They're attacking your ego." Wow, this one got me. Thank you

Passive aggressive tactics are the easiest to deal with. Just take them literally or ignore them.

I like to be obviously ignorant to passive aggressive people. Just completely ignore what they want til they break down and tell it to you straight. Then respond positively, which shows them that not being passive aggressive works

Passive aggressive is just weakness. If you’re strong minded and can walk away and make a stronger decision, you’re one step closer.

“Hey what the fucks the problem?” solves a lot

Would like to know how to deal with passive aggressive friends and family more. People who will for example not talk to you without saying whats wrong or will block you for a month when they get pissed and don't even tell you why. I'm more of a direct person and will just say when there's an issue I'm having and I'm finding a lot of friends and family play these passive aggressive games. I find it annoying and tend to not acknowledge the behaviour so if a friend is mad and won't tell me I don't chase them or give into their game. I've told family and friends to be direct and tell me when there's an issue but there just some people who are too used to being passive aggressive and would rather give you the silent treatment.

There’s times where questions and thoughts flood my mind and nearly drive me insane trying to figure out why people treat me the way they do. “Why do I have to change the way I feel? Why can’t they just leave me alone? I know if I act just like them they’ll leave me alone but I don’t want to become the monster.” It was nice to silence the negative thoughts by being able to listen to this video and hear this guys perspective on this topic. Thanks dude 👍🏽

Great advice when you deal with this person periodically or short term. I have found they need continuous propping up and recognition. Can be very exhausting if you have to collaborate on a regular basis and their passive aggression becomes undermining.

Great distinction between hope and expectation.

When living in a society run by Psychopaths (i.e., a Psychopathic Society), people will tend to take on Psychopathic Traits.

It seems that the passive aggressive person has something to say, but won't/can't directly communicate their idea in a direct manor. Intimidation, lack of will, or lack of knowing how to communicate it seems would be the driving force in someone acting passive aggressive. For those of us who have to deal with this kind of behavior, Jockos idea of putting your ego in check is the key. It might feel like a direct jab (which might be the intention), but as a leader, being able to not responding in a defensive way and being able to identify this allows you to give these people a chance to actually learn how to communicate what it is that they need to say. Maybe after a few rounds of this(bringing the passive aggressive to the open), they will begin to learn how to communicate in a more direct way, instead of indirectly creating snide remarks designed to jab that don't bring productivity to the table.

Might be my favorite video of theirs so far. I’ve struggled with that same question for so long 🤣 thank you guys!

Currently working from home b/c of the whole social distancing thing. I answer phones and answer IT questions all day. My roommate decides to chime in on my call. He says loudly, "do you have to talk that loud?" I was talking quieter than when he and I talk. I responded with, "I talk to customers on the phone. " The next two days, he keeps talking louder and louder, each day. Pretty passive aggressive, to me. I was told that if you can, avoid toxicity. I simply moved to another room. My thoughts were, I have a job to do. This is an obstacle, sure. But not one I must engage. Go around if possible.

I can apply this with my family. This is perfect for me right now to be able to keep things rolling for myself and those I really care about. "If we're on a team, why are we going against each other". I can get over my ego no problem. Thank you.

I've worked with my fair share of snakes, not even in the military I'm talking about civilian workers. I have bent over backwards and swallowed my tongue more times than I can count, and painful as it is to say, Jocko is absolutely right on this one. You HAVE to play the game. My job has always been backend roles where my work isn't directly recognized meanwhile the people I support basically get treated like superstars. This creates alot of resentment and hostility between departments and it took me a while to figure out that getting frustrated and defensive does nothing but drive the rift further and further apart. So what does one do in this situation? Observe, learn, adapt. When this coworker becomes frustrated with me, I find out why and explain to him why his solution isn't possible and then we meet somewhere in the middle. If he's overburdened or struggling, I accept some of his workload even if it inconveniences me. When he accepts some of my responsibility and gets it done in an acceptable manner, I thank him and make sure I recognized his efforts, no matter how small or insignificant (this one works more than anything else to be completely honest). If you're passing by him, smile or wave, even if they don't do the same back. Include them in conversation as much as possible to try and integrate them with the team, possibly even find common ground in passing conversation. Above all, take the snarky and snide remarks in stridel; they are expecting a reaction to reaffirm their beliefs of you, the easy solution is just don't give it to them. In short, where they are passively aggressive you want to be aggressively assertive. 9 times out of 10 a team player comes out the other side. The last guy is just an asshole you can kind of ignore until he decides he wants to be a part of the team or be bitter and alone.

I walk away bc all else will land me in county

I can’t do it. If I don’t like you, I won’t be around you I absolutely loathe fake people.

Really enjoy learning all these, appreciate how Jocko is sharing all these skills, thoughts and healthy mindsets. Why he seems to know everything

Thanks....I am encouraged watching and listening....am thankful that I was inspired by Jocko and echo....regarding my recent interview....your talks gave me courage! So thanks...and praying I'm hired....I never felt more confident ....thanks....

I wish I listened to this podcast while i was active duty, im in the air guard now and this will help me w/ my future military career 👍🏽

It's really cool that once you understand what motivates passive aggression and similar behaviours, it allows you to get past it emotionally and truly observe what's happening, so you can react to it in a positive, constructive way. Thanks for your help, Jocko!

Jocko, thanks for this video. It is always frustrating when I have been trying to improve myself since years ago, and I never quite figure out dealing with people like this, and what you said, and your energy make it clear how and why we should do it. I feel the world for the most part is not a good place, and is people like you (and Echo) that give me hope. Take good care, you are a good man.

Thanks very much for this guys. Y’all really help me with your podcast.

Great advice! Also reminds me that I need to check myself sometimes.

This guy has read the 48 laws of power

Listening to you in times of despair brings me hope. Thank you truly! 💪

Jocko, this was awesome. Echo, you too. Thank you. Great message.

I don't have the energy to play games, play along, charm snakes etc 😐

Guys, this is probably a life changing video for me. Wish me luck) And by the way Echo sounds a bit like young Tyson) Thank you for your job! Godbless you!

Pure truth. I've been living it for two decades.

That was outstanding and will be very helpful to me. Huge appreciation. Love you Jacko ... you inspire me!

Snake? Come in snake!? Snaaaake!!!!

Jocko is so wise

that piece of content right there is gold!!! play their game so they can't no longer sting you and rub you the wrong way!

Wow, thank you - what great life lessons you give!!!!

I love Jocko!!

1. Expose 2. Befriend 3. Recruit

I learned a lot from this video thank you Jocko and Echo.

To protect yourself from being 'fake', you really have to deal with the passive-aggressive with empathy, trying to help them, more than being challenging or confrontational. In that way they, amongst other things lose their fear of you and this serves as a building block of the process.

"Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff" ;)

Needed this. Thank you both

I'm really appreciating your wisdom Jocko, thank you for passing on your knowledge and experience. I had a question regarding your comment near the end of the video. You briefly mentioned that you bring passive aggressiveness out into full on aggression. I would love to know how you would go about doing that and what circumstances dictate making that choice. Love you and Echo's work, thank you.

"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." (The Godfather Rule)

It's true after a while you get a tolerance against their bullshit, but the stomach thing oh boy it burns.

I agree w jocko. I know some people say to confront them about it but in some situations some people unconsciously make PA comments. They’ve done it so much that most times they don’t even think it through, so when you come at them like they have a full on problem with you they don’t take you seriously. If anything it causes them to continue to make PA comments towards you to trigger you, whether it works or not. From my experience some of the best things to do is sarcastically reply to their PA comment which tells them indirectly that you know what they’re doing or, flat out ignore what they say. Don’t even acknowledge that they made a comment towards you. When I’d do this to people whether they be friends, co-workers, etc. it shuts them down. I didn’t even acknowledge them or their comment so they just stopped doing it. Don’t get emotionally attached to the situation because that’s where you fail to address it. Play it cool, act like you’ve been in the situation before. Don’t bat an eye. people will slowly get the notion that their comments are irrelevant & won’t make them towards you. Most people who are PA are trying to get under your skin or snake their way into telling you something that they can’t tell you directly. You deal with people like that by being sarcastic back or not acknowledging that they’re even there. Just don’t put your energy towards something not worth investing it in. Plenty of other things you have to deal with that are much more worthy of investing your energy in.

Today’s society tells you that treating your boss, coworkers, clients, etc, with patience & tolerance is brown-nosing & being fake; because the real you would “blow up” and wouldn’t take that crap from your family, friends, employees, etc. But the reality is that the real you is patient & tolerant..and when you do “blow up”...that’s just you being lazy. In the same way that you being 50 lbs heavier than you are now isn’t the real you...it’s just you being lazy. So it’s ok to be patient & tolerant, you can still get your point across, it just takes some work & some intellect...but that’s the real you...and the result is better for everyone involved.

I feel jocko believes you can do better if you try. He believes in a better life. 🗽

Wow, I'm totally dealing with this issue at work. This was super-helpful.

BRILLIANT!!! good to remember, tough to accomplish.

Yup... here's a lesson I need... Thanks Rocko.

Mission failed, killed my boss. We'll get em next time!

Plus the biggest issue I have with these people is that they think everyone thinks like they do.

Great Wisdom guys, very simple and not easy.

Battle mentality isn't the best method. Great point. Takes too much energy, forever!

Match a persons attitude. Never come off as an easy read.

Thank you for your podcasts. They help me out a lot. Learning how to get a spine. Been trying to get stronger mentally. Giving up is not an option. I've been trying to practice discipline as best as I can. I always fall short though. I keep doing the same things over and over again ,and it's frustrating as heck. I keep trying to avoid junk food, coffee. Trying to get out of my own head. Trying to figure out what my goal is ,and then when I start it ,I'm fine, but when depression hits, I go back to the same thing. I want to have a stronger mind. I want to wake up early, eat healthy, exercise ( my body hates exercise. I have to force myself to do it. ) I want to self improve, and stuff like that. I want all of it, but sometimes it feels like I don't even though I do ,because there haven't been good results, yet. I don't care how long it takes for me to get better with everything. I don't want to give up. No matter how hard the heavy weight of life is going to continue to be, I still want to carry it. I still want to fight. I still want to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't want to be weak anymore. I want to be positive about everything as best as I can. I'll still keep trying to be strong, and to think more on a positive scale. I'm going to keep practicing everything until I get it right.

Jocko and Echos banter and brotherhood is truly entertaining and heartwarming to watch. After four years of sitting across a table with eachother theyve really found eachothers weak points .... ahahaha

Priceless! Excellent advice 💯

Deception in crucial in the art of war

Oh man this podcast need to be heard at work everywhere

I'm glad Echo emphasized just how DIFFICULT it is to grind through that stupid game day after day after day. Really, the question isn't the "what" but the "how" of dealing with snakes, and the how is the hard part. fwiw

In highschool there was this group of guys I didn't get along with. We had some disagreement and never got along. I was aggressive towards them. I'd pick fight's as a defense mechanism. Eventually I left them alone because I was told I'd be expelled, they didn't leave me alone though. They'd do passive stuff like kick my chair when sitting behind me when I'd tell them to stop they'd say something like "I didn't do anything, what's your problem with me" playing the victim. I told them I was going to leave them alone but they carried on with me. I did what I was told to do by my principal, leave them alone and report whatever happened, this resulted with her not believing me or doing anything about it. They turned my friends against me, teachers against me and the principal against me using lies and manipulation. I tried pushing through it but I finally said enough is enough, I'm either going to k myself or leave the school so I left the school. My biggest regret was choosing to be peaceful rather than just beating them all up. I am Christian so I know why I chose to be peaceful but sometimes war needs to happen before peace comes. Don't listen to cowards who say "ignore, ignore, ignore and don't fight". If you ignore them they'll think you're affraid, they'll make you believe you're affraid and then eventually you'll be affraid. Caution breeds fear don't make the mistake I made, just fight even if you lose.

Can you turn on auto subtitles Jocko?

I needed this. I’m not passive aggressive but I have a relative that is extremely passive aggressive. She is constantly on it. I need to learn how to handle it. I think in reality she is a very jealous person.

This is one of those videos that will always be relevant.

Needed this on so many levels!! Id rather whack the snack against the tree but putting ego in check will probably provided a better outcome. Thanks guys!!! xoxo

I like the term culture. When you travel in the grass there will be always be snakes with their own culture established. You are better off learning their customs so that you know when your in trouble or in the clear. This is awesome stuff. 🐍🇺🇸

Okay, I'm 15 and I believe after watching this I can be passive aggressive more than I realised, I've also always had a problem with people pleasing and expressing anger so that's got something to do with it, in order to stop being passive aggressive do I just let my concerns out and set those boundaries?

Awesome analogy!!!

I dont think you realise how much this hurts to people who are no good at the game.

It’s just so hard to deal with people who act nice or ask questions to look for weakness/advantage. It’s difficult to be around someone who thinks about what to say to you. Those are the 2 biggest issues I have.