Grab my FREE free journal prompts for assessing relationships and healing codependency www.counselingrecovery.com/resource-library-access/
@Abhijeetschauhan Жыл бұрын
"Detachment doesn't mean you stop caring, it means you stop rescuing other people from experiencing their own consequences." this is the most profound sentence I've read about becoming un-attached. Thank you for sharing your knowledge & wisdom.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
You are very welcome Abhijeet! I'm working on a new Zoom class on codependency & detachment that will be out soon!
@Abhijeetschauhan Жыл бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft thank you for the update will wait for it.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
@@Abhijeetschauhan Would you like to get on my email list? That way you'll be the first to know.
@missnerd9555 Жыл бұрын
Thank you. I was looking for ways to detach without the need to start hating or blaming other people; the internet is strewn with these advices of a certain vengeful detachment. That way feels alright for a few days but somehow just feels like a toxic thing to do long term. This video helped me understand what I was looking for instead. Thank you once again.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
I’m so glad, yeah detaching doesn’t have to be cold it’s just another way to create dome safe distance.
@mrhyde7019 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Michelle. I have an anxious attachment style and have had trouble trying not to control the outcome of my relationship partners' actions. Your video has been the most comforting and informative I've found on detachment; I'll try to develop more detachment to not lead my current relationship in a downward spiral.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
I'm so glad the video helped - detachment can really be a lifesaver because it gives you the space you need to not overstep or preserve your energy. Thanks for watching!
@studionitya6097 Жыл бұрын
I have a girl , i really do care about her even she do care about me (not sure to say). She says she likes me and want me to help her with her own problems but I m not available for her all the time. I am afraid that when i won't help her she will maintain a distance away frm me. She has so many guys to ask help around and I fear this. I sure want to practice detachment. I learnt this term while reading "How to think like a monk" bye Jay shetty. he says "everything is temporary so care about them, enjoy with them but don't fear to lose them. 🙂
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
You don’t have to be available all the time. In fact, it’s healthier to create a relationship where it’s mutually loving and beneficial- which means not sacrificing yourself. One day at a time. Keep learning!
@diannewelsh6475 Жыл бұрын
I need to apply this more often... especially with my adult kids.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Yes, that is definitely more challenging but so important. I was just talking with a client about having less contact and letting them contact her first. Sometimes, baby steps work best to start. Thanks for watching!
@Drbinduselot Жыл бұрын
True even I need to do this with my adult sons 😊
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
@@Drbinduselot Yeah, that can be the hardest but having the right support makes a huge difference. Thanks again!
@ZFabia20108 ай бұрын
Yes. Today i just told myself , the person is just this way, i don't need to react or advise, just let them go on, say what ever theg are saying But i just moved on to another subject, in a smooth manner
@MichelleFarrismft8 ай бұрын
Yeah accepting who that person is while knowing your limits really matters. Thanks for watching again! ❤️
@kristabuccino79155 ай бұрын
I’m so grateful I found you & your videos! Blessed ❤
@MichelleFarrismft5 ай бұрын
I am too Krista! Yay!
@rolandgrohs9118 Жыл бұрын
It’s always nice to learn new life skills. Thank you Michele
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
You are so welcome Roland! It's great to see you here!
@Zynny.p Жыл бұрын
This is the best video on detachment I've watched so far! Thanks for sharing
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much! That means a lot! ❤️
@karinswartz9879 Жыл бұрын
Totally Agree! God-sent. Thanks so much ❤
@nicestar2198 Жыл бұрын
im goin to replay tis over and over unil detachment becomes easy
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
You can do it! Here is a blog I did on detachment too that might help www.counselingrecovery.com/blog-san-jose/detachment
@trexty2 Жыл бұрын
This was so helpful and comforting. I have been struggling for so long with a lot of the issues you mentioned. Thank you for sharing!
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
You’re very welcome! Stay tuned - I’m going to do another one on detachment soon!
@trexty2 Жыл бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft I'm subscribed and waiting! 😆 ❤️
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
@@trexty2 let me know if you don’t get one- but usually it’s very quick.
@imjacobthornton Жыл бұрын
You are straight to the point but so informative. It has taken me a long time to start really understanding what codependency is and how it shows up in my life. Thank you!
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
You are so welcome Jacob! I’m so happy I could be helpful.
@johannysmedel5988 Жыл бұрын
Wow ur on point I stayed home from work today and truly needed this video deep.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thank you Johannys - I just released another video on detachment kzfaq.info/get/bejne/mriYgKVyt9KrqIE.html
@sweepstakesluvr Жыл бұрын
Yes! Difficult but worth it!
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Yes! For sure, it's not easy to detach but knowing it's the best option sometimes helps :)
@s.jacquelinegold5922 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for this! Super helpful!
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
You are so welcome!!
@markcollins10127 ай бұрын
Good video. Was looking to learn more about detachment.
@MichelleFarrismft7 ай бұрын
I have another video on this topic Detaching Emotionally: How to Detach and Let Go of Control kzfaq.info/get/bejne/mriYgKVyt9KrqIE.html
@williamyank1865 Жыл бұрын
This is great. I’m saving this
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thanks William!
@user-hc7mi7ft9x Жыл бұрын
I will try this to fix my marriage. Back then when my wife and I were bf/gf she was always my top priority. After marriage things for slower. And recently I want to connect with her deeply again and it seems like I've overdone, its like an anxious attachment style now and she feels very annoyed because I want to know everything about her now. "Why were you online and didn't message me" or "who were you talking to?" and all those crazy questions. I don't know how I developed this... I think your video would help a lot.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
I'm so glad, feel free to look at my Healthy Relationship playlist.
@ginam3862 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for this great explanation. My journey is always evolving and your video is very helpful.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
That’s so wonderful! It sounds like you’re doing great work Gina!
@coleensvalcorza47324 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this video ❤❤
@MichelleFarrismft4 ай бұрын
You’re very welcome Coleen!
@PerfectMessProductions10 ай бұрын
This is exactly what I've been looking for thank you
@MichelleFarrismft10 ай бұрын
Oh great! I'm so glad you found me! Here is another one I did on detaching that might help kzfaq.info/get/bejne/mriYgKVyt9KrqIE.html
@user-ve6sr5ew2u6 ай бұрын
practicing this now 🙏 Michelle. ⛅
@MichelleFarrismft6 ай бұрын
That’s great!
@Drbinduselot Жыл бұрын
Thanks a ton ✌️ the video was very helpful 😊
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
I'm so glad! Thank you for taking the time to comment!
@y9w1 Жыл бұрын
Very good explanation and tips... Will listen again and work with those 🙏🙏❤️
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thank you, I’ll be posting another video on detachment soon so I hope you come back! Thanks for watching!
@y9w1 Жыл бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismftOK! I will come back for the next video on that topic. I am working on it - trying to "detach with love" in my relationship every day at the moment. It does help. One step at the time. Thank you 🙏
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
@@y9w1 great! I will be posting in a week or two at the latest. 😀
@cristaljimenez3477 ай бұрын
Everything me and my boyfriend get into an argument I have a mental breakdown. He shuts down and it gets quiet. I tell him I need reassurance and confirmation that he still loves me. He says I should already know that he does love me. I’m crying right in front of him and it feels like he doesn’t care. I told him that and nothing
@MichelleFarrismft7 ай бұрын
Maybe consider getting some additional support like some counseling or peer support groups. It can really help.
@shotpusher Жыл бұрын
I’m working on this.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
That’s awesome!!! Thanks for watching and being on this path!!
@anitaholst7671 Жыл бұрын
Very profound.
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thank you Anita!!
@lynn2475 Жыл бұрын
Thank you!
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thank YOU!!! This work takes a lot of courage!
@jessklay85946 ай бұрын
(Too late) my anxious attachment AKA codependency already ruined a four year relationship with a man that *really wasn’t that bad (even tho he was an anxious avoidant AKA covert narcissist but he was trying to work on himself while I just persistently became crazier & crazier & lost sight of myself)
@MichelleFarrismft6 ай бұрын
I’m sorry I know that is really tough - come back tomorrow when I post a video on narcissism you might find helpful.
@swathi577311 ай бұрын
This is not my problem to solve. Listen and validate and ask what can I do? Take care of yourself. Do good for yourself instead of worrying about what other person is doing. Refrain from giving advice and taking away their pain. Al-alon coda 12 step program.
@MichelleFarrismft11 ай бұрын
Sounds like you are getting it!
@brownqty4u Жыл бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thank you!
@LTCurry-wg4kw Жыл бұрын
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thank you for watching!! You’re in the right place!
@djbrown327410 ай бұрын
yes
@MichelleFarrismft10 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching!
@beebastead11 ай бұрын
Yesss!!!!!
@MichelleFarrismft11 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching!
@magickalplace7 ай бұрын
My issue is that my boyfriend of 12 years and I stopped making love three years ago. I thought it was because he just couldn’t do it anymore because of all the medications he takes. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and it just turns into an argument. Then I found out that he’s been whacking off to videos on KZfaq. We got in an argument and then he started being more loving to me. But then I found out he’s still doing it. Please help me to detach from him emotionally!! I am literally sick to my stomach and will be until I heal this. Please please please help me!!
@MichelleFarrismft7 ай бұрын
Detaching is about taking care of yourself and removing yourself when you need to avoid mistreatment or anger. This sounds like a bigger issue that I'd recommend getting counseling for - even if it's just you.
@magickalplace7 ай бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft thank you ❤️
@mhashas19 ай бұрын
This sounds like anxious avoidant attachment.
@MichelleFarrismft9 ай бұрын
Interesting, thanks for the feedback!
@KasheeraLatasha4 ай бұрын
How would this work as a couple with finances? I feel the need to fix it, if the consequences will affect us both - like we are wanting to move now and need to have things in order. Not sure how to navigate this.
@MichelleFarrismft4 ай бұрын
That’s when counseling can be helpful even if it’s only for you. I agree that you really can't detach from the finances but you need to be able to work together and that's where counseling can help.
@KasheeraLatasha4 ай бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you, do you offer that?
@MichelleFarrismft4 ай бұрын
@@KasheeraLatasha I do for anyone living in California.
@annjos64132 ай бұрын
Yessss
@MichelleFarrismft2 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching - you’re in the right place!
@bielwtf9729Ай бұрын
I realized how attached I was when I went into long distance couple weeks ago. We’ve dated for 2 years prior to long distance and I’ve been really anxious. How do I change my mindset?
@MichelleFarrismftАй бұрын
@@bielwtf9729 it’s a process of identifying what the problem is then you’ll understand what your next steps are. For instance if you relate to codependency- starting some kind of recovery would be a good step.
@bielwtf9729Ай бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft I think for me the sudden change created emptiness and sadness. I’ve been struggling to fully accept the reality and work through it. What are some things I can do?
@MichelleFarrismftАй бұрын
@@bielwtf9729 get support and let yourself feel it. It is an adjustment to detach but in the long run, it can help a lot.
@bielwtf9729Ай бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you so much. My anxious feelings are overwhelming at times and it’s affected my mental health and sleep schedule. I’ve set a routine to wake up a certain time, journal my feelings, pray and exercise at least once a day. It seems like this would take a long time to get used to
@MichelleFarrismftАй бұрын
@@bielwtf9729 tapping would be helpful too. Here is one video How to Decrease Stress and Anxiety with EFT Tapping kzfaq.info/get/bejne/Z6mJiq9qqKy4emg.html
@letmemotheryou Жыл бұрын
Thank you
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
You are so welcome!
@robyndawn8 ай бұрын
Im trying to.take him off a pedestal but stay together.
@MichelleFarrismft8 ай бұрын
yeah, detachment can definitely help you create some healthy separation and remind you to not take his behavior personally. Hang in there! Thanks for watching!
@robyndawn8 ай бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you 🙏
@lilzakar93527 ай бұрын
How long is detachment?
@MichelleFarrismft7 ай бұрын
Well it's more of a practice of not getting involved in certain situations that you find upsetting or that you have tried controlling. Good question.
@jennaywar856 ай бұрын
It's really painful when it's your parents you feel that you need to detatch from. My parents are older, and they have been in this pattern for years of making bad financial decisions, and also not taking care of their health. These things combined have gotten them into some pretty bad situations over the past couple of years. Hospital stays, not having the money for a home health aid, etc. I've tried talking to them about ways to improve their life, but they haven't listened, and things just get progressively worse. I'm now at a point where I'm just not able to help. It makes me feel horrible, but I had to make the decision to take care of my own life, and love them from a distance for a while😕😕
@MichelleFarrismft6 ай бұрын
Yeah that' really hard to watch. Sometimes even when we try to help, it doesn't change the outcome. Glad you're taking care of yourself.
@angelfire7000 Жыл бұрын
How do you do this when someone is eating themselves into the grave
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
I know this is heartbreaking to watch people we love who are addicted. You can ask them if they want help (Overeaters Anonymous) but if they don’t and it’s really bothering you, you can check out Al-Anon for friends and families if alcoholics/addicts. They give lots of great support around detachment.
@samscarletta7433 Жыл бұрын
Stop baking cookies
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
@@samscarletta7433 Yep that's a great example of choosing to do less! That's great!
@lerniahlaletwa281811 ай бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft11 ай бұрын
Thank you! I hope you found it helpful!
@maryanahmadaliyu21844 ай бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft4 ай бұрын
Thanks MaryAna!
@marilyngrayCraftandcrotchet Жыл бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thanks Marilyn! Detachment works!
@marilyngrayCraftandcrotchet Жыл бұрын
@@MichelleFarrismft learning how to detach without taking my love away saved me from resentments and pain. 🙂
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
@@marilyngrayCraftandcrotchet yes, it definitely helps you take care of yourself so you don't fall into resentment.
@allathatjazz6 ай бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft6 ай бұрын
Thanks for watching!
@tyneshahickmon9977 ай бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft7 ай бұрын
Thank YOU!
@LullySanita-eu9sl Жыл бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thank you!
@Hunny5321 Жыл бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thanks Karen! You're not alone!
@kylebreunig1806 Жыл бұрын
Yes
@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын
Thanks for watching Kyle! Here’s another video I did on detaching kzfaq.info/get/bejne/mriYgKVyt9KrqIE.html