How To Find Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

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How To Find Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

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Күн бұрын

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00:00 Understanding Emotional Dysregulation and Safety Concerns
01:40 Emotional Flashbacks and Traumatic Events
02:59 The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Perception
04:57 Gaslighting and Reality Distortion
06:29 The Process of Decolonisation and Brainwashing
08:08 Overcoming Self-Isolation and Post-Traumatic Embitterment
10:02 Rebuilding Trust Through Emotional Literacy
14:16 Adapting Reality and Acceptance
16:08 Self-Compassion and Moving Forward
21:10 The Damaging Cycle of Self-Blame
23:46 Embracing Forgiveness and Self-Acceptance
25:47 The Complexity of Narcissism and CPTSD
27:06 The Shell of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
30:03 The Unreachable Depths of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
33:04 The Inaccessible Core of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
41:30 Facing the Painful Reality of Sincere Communication
44:45 Consciousness Matters
46:33 Acknowledging Hurt
49:25 Narcissism vs. Codependency
51:03 Insights into PTSD
53:36 Resolving Anger
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From my youtube community page: "Question: How do you ever fully trust people again? I can see narcissistic traits like neon signs, but that doesn't make everyone a narcissist. But my brain screams, "WARNING!!!" and I just never get close to people anymore. It makes me sad because I was so into humans before. I just loved them."

Пікірлер: 474

@RICHARDGRANNON Жыл бұрын

www.patreon.com/RichardGrannon to join me for live exclusive q and a sessions ! 👌

@SI-js6ho Жыл бұрын

@tammydietschweiler7852 11 ай бұрын

God this is f-ing sad, so I’m living with a corpse! A corpse that is a big pain in my ass and I can’t reach him, so I get it now! Time to leave the graveyard. Ugh 🙄🙄🙄 It is 20 yrs of pain he has caused me and I think this piece of garbage knows enough to realize he’s hurting me…I’ve told him so. He doesn’t have an answer why he came after me with a heavy table that missed my head, thank the Lord. It’s not worth ruminating over him, I look at him and feel nauseous.

@supermarioisacat Жыл бұрын

After finally learning to trust myself, what I find most disturbing/upsetting are the hidden agendas and manipulation I can detect in SO many people. It's _everywhere_ now.

@Flynow-24 Жыл бұрын

I see the same thing! Seems like these kinds of people are all around us. I don't invest too much in people who don't listen to me, but they demand my full attention. I can't wait to get home and be alone.

@KatErina-ii6ru Жыл бұрын

It’s a demonic spirit that is why. We’re living in the last days, and the Bible says these things will and must happen! 😢😢😢 My ex was a narc sociopath, not just a narcissist and he even claimed to be Christian and he was highly demonic infested individual. The week before we broke up I started having very bad nightmares starring him. I know God showed me this to help me detach because we were going to break up and I wasn’t seeing the whole picture of who he was. Anyways, there is definitively a spiritual side to this we need to become aware of. ♥️

@Flynow-24 Жыл бұрын

@@KatErina-ii6ru I had the same exact experience! Very strange demonic events happened in both narc relationships. One would get stoned and say he was the devil while rolling his eyes back, the other told me the only way he'd give me a divorce is if I said I didn't believe in the benevolence of God or I was cheating. I never cheated, but I wouldn't denounce my God either. He was a preacher's son. Blow flies in church while I was in the alter praying for my marriage while he sat in the pew starring at me with an evil look. I had nightmares of being attacked and Jesus rescuing me. Both narcs said one night, when they were little, they just started shaking in their bed. 2 Timothy chapt.3. Come LORD JESUS! 🙌🏼

@RockyMoth Жыл бұрын

Yup, it's like we see what many others do not.

@RockyMoth Жыл бұрын

@KatErina I fully agree w you there KatErina. The spiritual realm is real, and it's powerful. These are truly the last days and no one knows how long or short that is.

@diannecooper8072 Жыл бұрын

I told him he was being mean. He said "Yes I know, and I didn't care!" They absolutely know what they're doing.

@louisegarner8888 Жыл бұрын

Same, it's their sadistic side they're super attached to.😏👈

@RFokus Жыл бұрын

I searched for the answer why he doesn't care? How can it be? I see three reasons why my narcissistic husband "didn't care" about my feelings. Lack of self awareness is if you are not aware how your behavior influences people around you. It's reason number one. He doesn't really get it. Not to 100 percent. They have real problems with causation. The awareness muscle is atrophied, because it was no longer used. Reason number two. Lack of empathy. He understands that you are sad, because of him being mean. He doesn't feel it. He has no feeling tool. He understands, because he observed people or red in the book, that they can get sad. But there is no emotional resonance with your sadness at all. The third thing. Emotional disregulation. Compulsive meanness. They do care, not about your feelings, but how they look to the people, behaving horrible, mostly if someone is present and sees their abuse or if they know that you will tell other meaningful people about their behavior. Very often they simply cannot control themselves, reacting very meanly or raging about neutral things.

@louisegarner8888 Жыл бұрын

@@RFokus Well said, you've put alot of thought into it all, thanks for sharing! 💞 They're like addicts, they feel better about themselves when they put another down it raises them up temporarily so they repeat it, looking for a fix of pleasure in another's pain and they lie about it to maintain their facade. If you tell them they hurt you they know it's working. It's best to act indifferent and get away from them to reduce it. Big hugs xx 💕🤗✌️

@janettrout-gn2cb 9 ай бұрын

Oh mine told me I don’t care over and over. I would say if a normal heart head heard this conversation you did xyz which would rip any relationship apart! I don’t care!

@janettrout-gn2cb 9 ай бұрын

No growth none at all.

@natreimnitz1964 Жыл бұрын

The damage is unimaginable. It’s complete mind fuckery. The hardest part is honestly having children with someone like this as there is no limit to what they will do for control.

@karinajones1121 Жыл бұрын

Grey rock the Ex

@paulsmith5360 Жыл бұрын

"complete mind fuckery". Yep. Nuanced perspective there!

@lauraantic1384 Жыл бұрын

When you have kids they are monsters among all monsters

@clivepeacock Жыл бұрын

@@karinajones1121 Sometimes it aint that simple

@cuppasilverbullets Жыл бұрын

It’s like living in hell and you must fight everyday and hope to get through to your child after all the damage their narcissist parent has caused, be strong 💪

@jenniebaker5299 Жыл бұрын

I foolishly stayed for 22 years, not knowing any better (so that's ok), but it made me physically ill in the end. Get out as soon as you can 🙏

@christineballard8592 3 ай бұрын

22 years here too. Just starting the process and currently in the blackest pit imaginable.

@Thunder-lightning852 Ай бұрын

27 years

@christinestromberg4057 Жыл бұрын

I've never heard annyone else talk about their brain screaming before. Towards the end of my 25 year marriage people wondered why I had started drinking, and I would say it was to stop the screaming in my brain. And yes I managed to leave before too long. But I was a total mess. And then spent nine years with someone who was very disturbed who lied constantly. And yes I ended up on a psych ward. I don't think I'll ever be quite right - I feel shaky just listening to you - but I'm now learning to love myself after being alone for many years.

@annegribben444 Жыл бұрын

Sounds like you are a fighter for yourself and you have been moving towards a safe place for yourself ...its so good to have people out there like Richard whom remind us we are human and trying to manage and at times we dont ...but when we do understand more perceptively that we are ok to not be perfect ...then we can be safer ....you are being there for your wellbeing and thats being well regardless of others opinions.... all the very very best to you ...

@sleepydoppy8516 4 ай бұрын

I hope you are doing better now.

@malcolmarcher7222 Ай бұрын

My brain was shouting at me wouldn't stop I would wake at 2am with my brain shouting,then I took diazepam and it was quiet, 20 year narcissistic marriage.

@neveragain733 4 ай бұрын

Days after i told my ex she had to leave she tells me, "out of all the places ive lived i liked it here the best". I felt that odd. Another day out of the blue she asked if she could stay and is just be friends. I said no. Days after that she said if i was seeing someone else she would still stay with me. Wtf? The day shes leaving she says, "one day i might come back here. I always come back". My blood ran cold. Weeks after she left she told me she never want to speak to me again because "i abused her". What the living hell? So she loved living here with me while i was so called abusing her? Calling someone abusive is a very strong statement, similar to calling someone a thief. That felt like a million corkscrews to my brain. I was just used for the thing she needed the most. Housing.

@palapalak.8907 26 күн бұрын

So Sorry....some people suck

@sarahtheunissen6502 Жыл бұрын

24 years in an emotional abusive marriage has done its damage. Your content is really helping me, I am finally learning to forgive myself and love me for me. Warts and all.

@diannecavanaugh Жыл бұрын

I’m willing to guess your self-proclaimed warts are far smaller than you think

@Camposdarko Күн бұрын

It’s not called “pattern interrupts” It’s called “breaking pattern” I love you, you crazy bastard

@Reldas Жыл бұрын

Took me almost three years of consistent EMDR and somatic therapy to unlearn the programming from both a narcissistic mother and ex-husband. Shit is grueling. But you get satisfaction knowing the narcs could NEVER do what you’re doing. My self-confidence now is around 70% - 80% when it was -5437% for most of my life. RICHARD’S COURSE IS WORTH EVERY PENNY!!

@RettaNRatchetRecover 7 ай бұрын

He's been gone for 6 months & I've never been happier but I am healing myself & truly want to live a great life full of actual Love 😊from here on out

@Justberealll Жыл бұрын

There are ALOT of absolute gold chunks (not nuggets!) in here. Its really helped me. I think some of this is amongst the best you have explained. Purely due to the relatable way its said. Espec the emptiness inside of them. There is no point in trying or explaining to them. Nobody home, they moved out a long time ago . Thank you 🙏🏼🦋🙏🏼

@tammydietschweiler7852 11 ай бұрын

I love it, “nobody home.”

@winniepatschi 25 күн бұрын

"You cannot reach that person because there is no person." I finally get it. I am letting go now.

@veroortega2479 Жыл бұрын

So accurate as always, thank you for this superb insight of the narcissist reality. "They are already dead" wow!! So true, and so difficult to understand from our point of view, but now that you have eloquently explained it, now it's very easy to understand. I've never heard someone telling they are already dead and this concept is really helpful for the victims to finally stop wasting their energy with those dead corpses.

@annestrada1724 Жыл бұрын

I first heard they are dead from a self-professed Narcissist who, strangely, is a lecturer on the subject. He's from Israel.

@veroortega2479 Жыл бұрын

@@annestrada1724Wow probably prof. Sam Vaknin🤷🏻‍♀️yep an eminence but narcisistic.

@rowanalexander3051 9 ай бұрын

Jesus said Let the dead bury the dead

@juliem92116 2 ай бұрын

I need to go to the ER for all the bullying and fawning I've been getting from him. These videos are helping, I don't know what I'd do without them. 🙏🏻

@Fancyfree252 Жыл бұрын

I did my own type of emersion therapy to get out of my Pollyanna thinking by watching 10 seasons of Criminal Minds to get me into the reality of the fact that evil really exists in this world. Also, I loved A Cult Of One. Bought it on audio. And if you ever need to get out of this crazy world of helping us (not suggesting you do) you would be great at voice over. 😂😂😂 Thanks for all you do.

@karenrollins9578 Жыл бұрын

My husband (abuser) passed away this past August. I was with him on and off for 10 years. I tried SO hard to love this man but he HATED me for it. What I went thru was torture. And now, nearly 7 months after he’s gone, my best friend whom is also single is thinking I’m needing to move forward and maybe get back out there. I’ve absolutely self isolated and I’m just fine in doing so. Just fine. I don’t trust ANYONE and I’m not willing to bring anyone into my space that could or would take away from my peace and safety. In my mind, EVERYONE is a narcissist

@TanyaBrightFuture 2 ай бұрын

Same here - after relationship with psychopath I am Single by choice. I don't trust anyone out there. My peace, sanity, safety, mental health and well-being are my top priorities that I'm not willing to compromise anymore!

@pipe.smoking.modern.cat. Жыл бұрын

No relationship for me thank you very much. I will march into the sunset alone. 😂

@TheKezmeister2011 Жыл бұрын

Yep. Think same here. Cannot even imagine it. Idea makes me want to vomit

@JacquiCryer Жыл бұрын

Don’t be so decisive about that …. Keep an open mind x

@ashleykathryn9038 Жыл бұрын

Right there with you!

@AndrewFosterSheff69 Жыл бұрын

There may not be time anyway. This world is almost done. All that was prophesied in the bible is coming together.

@bettemartin8126 5 ай бұрын

Married to a man with bpd. Almost thirty years. It has taken me ten years to see me. Myself in the mirror No more humans for me lol

@LaisCordiolli Жыл бұрын

In 2018 I was at job where my ex boss destroyed me. She used many manipulation tactics. When my intuition screamed that something was off, I started to search for things about manipulation online and I then learned what Narcissism was. Of course I had a burnout, my doctor put me on antidepressants and got fired in 2021. In that same year, I started a relationship with a possible narc. It's been a week I went no contact with him. I'm devastated, I feel lonely, I don't trust anyone, that "self-isolation" thing is real. I'm in darkness emotionally speaking. Thank you so much for your videos, Richard. Greetings from Brazil.

@HerWanderlust Жыл бұрын

I have been there 💕 I’m sorry you are in that place. It passes with time and with choosing yourself again and again into it becomes habit. Sending hugs …it doesn’t last forever

@RFokus Жыл бұрын

Apropos Jesus. He trusted nobody. He didn't have to. Because he knew people through observation. I find solution for myself. I don't have to trust people any more. I observe their behavior. I study all this stuff and observe. And see, with whom I interact and in which way, and whom I put at a big distance. If you study people enough, you don't have to trust, you know exactly, what to expect from them. This devastation and loneliness, if they last long, then the chances that one can be hovered back get higher and higher. My ex hovered - a very malignant type - hovered me back 2 times!!!! Better find your solution to come out of this loneliness as soon as possible.

@carmenl163 Жыл бұрын

I hope you can get to the root of this and see where in your childhood you were forced to put up with this abuse. I've learned that there is a reason why this pattern keeps coming back - we need to wipe it out from the root. I wish you the very best!

@outback7092 Жыл бұрын

It will never be re instated. Life experiences teach us very well. It does not mean life is not a happy one. Facts are Facts. One will never fully , trust, again.

@analiviaminsk1171 5 ай бұрын

I found out with my doctor that quetiapin really stops that repetitive thoughts and flashbacks from overwhelming me with feelings. Was like a spell, my mind changed into a more quiet and healthy enviroment. I wouldn´t be able to do therapy without this, because my emotions are absolute caos. I´m saying this because I believe some people really really need extra help like me. Moving on a day at a time. Best wishes to everybody 🥰

@steveheliosone6174 Жыл бұрын

My ex couldn’t help themselves with their narcissistic behavior. It was clearly an addiction. Feeding the ego and being admired was all that mattered and I will be replaced by the next victim. I still don’t think of them as evil or malicious, but they just couldn’t stop their bad behavior even after being confronted several times. They were completely powerless over the desperate need to fill some void. It was like breathing air to them.

@MargauxGuyenne1127 2 күн бұрын

Richard Grannon, you are helping me at what feels like a very emotionally very difficult and pain time. Thank you soooo much !!! * The NPDs I have experienced do not want to change, they do not think they need to change. The vulnerable malignant kind in my experience said they did so much work on themselves for 4 years, but they did not work on themselves. This particular person is mad at mommy.

@user-iz3sg8om7i Жыл бұрын

I really needed to see this video. I’m 34 and I’ve had a narcissist husband 12 years narcissist boyfriend 2 years and my mum since birth. I laughed so much at your good sense of humour. Thank you ! Your content is helping me, I appreciate your work.

@ivareis2814 Жыл бұрын

O've overcome narcistic abuse by forgiving them. I find my peace. I no longer whant hurt them for destroing my inner happines for 4 decades. I have forgive them in my coure and i found my peace. I still whant to find myself. I believe i've lost peaces of me in the process but i found that i recontruted myself in a strong way. But i miss being naive, for awkord as it seems. Thank you for yor work it helped me imensly. 🙏🙏❤ Love for all of you

@Eleniexp Жыл бұрын

Mine was so covert and so incredibly good at hiding he seemed so perfect. I thought he was a better person than me. But then smiled at me when he made me cry at the end. It’s so hard, i tried to look for red flags really I did. Maybe he was more of a sociopath who knows

@dmcsunshine1 9 ай бұрын

Delusional loyalty to the gaslighting person is crazy making… I did it: again! I stopped it and now I’m back here for support: again! Richard tells the truth so well.

@jannnnn2 Жыл бұрын

“She will find your values and subvert them”. Exactly!

@cindyc Жыл бұрын

Thinking I heard Sam Vaknin describe the narcissist as a hall of fun house mirrors. Like the true self was in a prison locked and hidden behind mirrors, and therefore never truly visible to the outside world. This is also why they despise those who accept the false self, because they recognize that those near them cannot truly love them, as they will never expose the true self or accept the true self themselves.

@geraldineskinner5941 Жыл бұрын

I found the most difficult part was learning to not only trust new people but to like new people. One small thing I found helpful in the end was starting to smile (rather inanely at first) at people. This got a different response and produced better feelings.

@joannbecker2638 Жыл бұрын

As I've begun to educate myself after a 28 year relationship. I'm devastated at all the time I devoted to him. It was a very traumatic separation. Authorities had to get involved. 😢

@RFokus Жыл бұрын

Separation from narcissist is a big topic for itself. I wish, Richard will tell more about it, about things, that definitely happen, if you go no contact. After 22 years of marriage with a malignant narcissist, I break up. I could not imagine the horror, I will experience. Stalking, porn revenge, all social media accounts crashed and highjacked, he turned my daughter and my parents, who live on another continent against me. Authorities didn't believe me, nobody believed... I have to struggle with myself and with the whole world alone. Nobody helps. You have to be so present, so concentrated and self aware, no place for confusion and fear. I listen a lot, do exercises, do yoga, meditation, sleep enough. It's like a real war. It's hard.

@lauraantic1384 Жыл бұрын

@@RFokus me too almost same.Horror is huge i didnt get custody i share with him and i suffer so much couse he abuse me all the time

@RFokus Жыл бұрын

@@lauraantic1384 We have to be so corageous! To say: Go no contact ist easy. But what one has to face in reality has to be more discussed.

@Groundwater24 4 күн бұрын

@@RFokustotally get it. It is creepy and weird that what we thought was a normal life (in reality it was hell on earth) we all were preconditioned from childhood to have these screamers around us. The fall out is catastrophic, especially if you have children with them. A big chance some of the children are going to end up like this. I hope you are doing better now. All the best.

@vevans777 3 ай бұрын

Re-watching this, excellent framing of self-forgiveness, well worth seeing this again just for that. Letting ourselves down is one of the hardest things to accept and recover from after any abusive relationship.

@ImanHaji78 Жыл бұрын

The self forgiveness part was soooo healing. Thank you for that Richard ❤️

@sarahadams01 Жыл бұрын

Loving yourself with all flaws and acceptance of who you are, you find peace and true power. Live in the now...enjoy your life...the narcs won't resonate with your vibe. ❤

@Thedisgardedoptimist 4 күн бұрын

Yup yup yup, this is good! Can feel my neurons firing again! Thanks Richard..

@ANNNEWALLET1234 Жыл бұрын

When I started doing research on what was going on. I would listen to your videos. And others as well. . He would become very disturbing with me. I was was in it 20 years. Ended up in court with a restraining order against him. I questioned am I am narcissist. I still listen to your videos 4 years later now. And you really open up the truth. Thank you. Hope is what I hang on to hope is a life saver. I think I am ok . I have to be I actually love being Alive. So God bless you Richard.

@RFokus Жыл бұрын

Am I the narcissist? It was my question all the time, while fighting the war of my life. And I think I was a transient one. Because after more as 20 years marriage with a malignant creature, I adopted lot of his trades. My values were so shifted. Good or bad didn't existed any more. Brainwashing level 100. A lot of work need still to be done to reconstruct myself. But it's a good work.

@Ikaros23 Жыл бұрын

The whole point of the gaslighting ( narcissistic projection, DARVO). Is to make the victim doubt their reality, and make the victim think that they are a narcissist. All the trash talk, gossip, character assasination they have about us and others. Is the only time we get a clear picture of who they are.

@bulletproofmofo Жыл бұрын

A real narcissist doesn't spend years in research mode to try and sort out why they're so broken. The victims do. Entrainment is a real phenomenon. Your real self is shattered and all that's left is a cacophony of echoes from the past. The narcissistic tendencies you observe in yourself are from the abuser. It's not you. You got lost in their hall of mirrors and have forgotten who you are. I think this is why total and permanent separation from the narcissist is such a crucial element. You have to find yourself and start all over again. Never second guess yourself about how long or how much work it takes to get yourself sorted back out. It took many years to grow and develop the first time too. I've come to think of it as an opportunity to rebuild and become who I always really wanted to be in the first place. The real you is still in there. Godspeed.

@victoralove2506 Жыл бұрын

I am still working through my 6 year abuse. Another great video. Really always arrives right when I need a nudge to keep working through all this. Your good at this Richard!!! Really helps. And your course as well. Thanks as always!!

@JacquiCryer Жыл бұрын

2 2/12 years into trauma therapy … wow it’s been quite a ride. I was single for 6 yrs .. 18 months into therapy I started to date with a list of red flags / needs. Happy - dating someone for over 6 months now … I sold my house to pay for trauma therapy. That’s how important it was for me to enjoy the rest of my life fully . Richard .. your just fab x

@jenniebaker5299 Жыл бұрын

I've done several of Richards courses and found them all to be invaluable 🙏 I, too, appear the same on the outside to most other people, but my internal world is completely different. I'm much more sane and calm. Thanks Richy 😊

@ivareis2814 Жыл бұрын

Yes they know that they are hurting you. Pay close atention to they're micro expression. When you say that whatch a litle smile forming in they're face. They know and enjoy hurting. It's power for them

@mrbriankeith111 3 ай бұрын

Mine got sexually aroused after putting me into a panic attack. Sick f ck

@materialsgirl469 11 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for creating these videos. I’ve left my husband of 28 years and have lots of work to do. Your videos are brilliant in explaining the complexity of the gaslighting and mental manipulation. I was mentally hotboxed and gaslit by my high iq husband to a level that baffles my mind. Layers upon layers of fuzzy subtlety, not straight out lies but selective information, passive aggressive and “humor”. It was important to see my own denial, and doubling down on my belief in marriage contributing to my own gaslighting. By the end reality truly broke and had such cognitive dissonance that I couldn’t function as a human. I had a realization of my situation after a Buddhist retreat and left him when I returned. It feel like I escaped from a mental hostage situation and the light has been turned back on and life is beautifully ordinary. What the hell was I thinking? That being said, I’m dealing with health issues, my nerves are a mess, I have more triggers than I can name, and I must force socializing as to not become a hermit. But, the happiest I’ve felt emotionally in my entire life., and look forward to a life of making decisions for myself (for once). Your a Saint, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

@bisquts1 Жыл бұрын

I am so stuck in sadness. I finally left after 41 years of narcissistic abuse. I was told, you are too sensitive, you’re not smart enough, you care too much. One of my most hated things he said, No one else loves you but, I love you. I don’t know how I left. It wasn’t even a conscious decision. My feet took me away. I am still a shell of a person even after 6 years. I don’t know how to live again.

@jahsoncole Жыл бұрын

Fortress Mental Health course

@traceyseymour2652 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Richard. What a wake up call this podcast was. Worked with someone for 11 years, put my all into a close friendship with said person. Only when I left the job did I realize the friendship meant nothing to the other person. I was used. Your words have made me realize it wasn't me that was the problem. 2 years of searching for an answer.......you have given me one. Bless you, keep up the good work. 🤗🤗🤗

@Tomara710 Жыл бұрын

No point in wasting time...these days when people break up they try and find a new partner before sunset.

@deb2319 5 ай бұрын

Narcs do that.

@heidistanton4583 3 ай бұрын

I admire your courage Richard and compassion to help pull others out of the hole. God bless ❤

@rasaron1 Жыл бұрын

Yes, always so helpful! So glad you shared the experience recently with a narcissist explaining their fight and fawn back-and-forth-ness with you in texting. The 4 months after leaving my ex, he wrote frequent 5-10 thousand word emails, letters that did exactly that: cycling within the same letter of adoring me then analyzing and degrading me. It helps that you shared that - to know that it is a mechanism built in the narcissist.

@philipjohn3262 Жыл бұрын

Thanks Richard. I personally think that if one doesn’t do the emotional flashback work then one will always have a tendency to hyper vigilance and see ‘narcissists’ around every corner. I think the key is working on our own emotional intelligence. Dr Nicole Lepera seems to stress the importance of focusing on ourselves not the supposed or suspected narcissist. Only then can we, I think, clearly begin to see red flags in our interactions and relationships with other people. From experience, I agree that the emotional regulation work is very hard in recovering from narcissistic abuse but there is no other short cut to lasting healing. No shaming intended here but it’s not an intellectual exercise. 🙏🏻

@AndrewFosterSheff69 Жыл бұрын

His "Fortress Mental Health Protection" work has helped me no end in dealing with an alcoholic mother and abusive step-father. I am only in week 2 of doing "the work" and I already feel like a completely different more stable mature man. You MUST allow your CPTSD emotional flashbacks to come out and be acknowledged, but in what I've termed the "affirmations", you must also inform your subconscious mind that things are no longer going to work how they have done up to now... 1. I am not my emotional flashbacks. 2. My goal is to remain calm, present in the moment and capable of expressing love in a healthy manner. 3. I will not supress my emotions, they are there for a reason. 4. I am engaged in my self interested actions and I will put myself first whenever necessary. 5. I am my own self with God given free agency. I didn't even realise I had CPTSD from those early childhood traumas, until the narc that tried to ruin my life drew it out of me in their hasty discard (I saw her mask slip and she knew I saw, so she had to leave as quick as she could). This guy is a saint, I thank him from the bottom of my heart for his dedication to helping people to recover from such a heinous type of abuse and CPTSD.

@carmenl163 Жыл бұрын

@@AndrewFosterSheff69 Thank you so much for your explanation. I'm working with my emotional flashbacks through the guidance of Pete Walker - but I think Richard is using that technique as well. I find that it all comes down to providing a safe environment for yourself to be yourself. Something we lacked during our childhood. All the best to you, man, and someday you'll meet a truly loving and caring woman, I'm sure!

@jennifermanleyrogers624 3 ай бұрын

Richard I am so glad you are on this planet at the same time I am. Eureka. You give me hope. You’ve made me laugh. And you’ve helped me move on.

@user-ed6hy4jd2x 5 ай бұрын

It took months of grief,but so worth it.I seen how empty my ex is.I am moving on,trusting myself and others until they show me different.I feel great and safe in my skin..❤ Thank you for being a part of my journey of healing and understanding the narcissist.

@snipercrow9835 2 ай бұрын

Even though I know he was abusive to me I miss the fuck out of him and I feel bad for hurting him I try tell myself it wasn't my fault but I still feel bad

@mrbriankeith111 3 ай бұрын

I did self-isolate, but i didn't see everyone as toxic. Once, i figured him out after 6 hoovers. I knew he was who he was. I spent some time being very angry with myself for falling for it. I did claim my own part in the enmeshment he did appeal to my darker sexual side and my insecure feelings about getting older. But I'm not insecure now. I know my value, and i also know not to fish in the shallow waters again. Sure. I see red flags real quick, and I'm not trying to fix anyone ever again.

@colleenshea2293 Жыл бұрын

I'm now happier on my own. 15 years single.

@taoster3638 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Richard. Really enjoyed this. Your video gave me a new perspective on the narc's messed up behavior. It is mind blowing how one can be so disrespectful toward someone whom they supposedly love. This explains it very well. It was very helpful.

@verumbellator6899 Жыл бұрын

I am finally figuring out that trust is the last thing you should give…..knowledge is important! The quick decision to allow someone into my intimate life has ended. Check check and double check from now on if I plan to let myself vulnerable to someone.

@nicolatough8427 3 ай бұрын

I've repeated the choice of partner for a long time ..my much older brother is a narcissist and I've had one long relationship with a lovely man that wasn't a narcissist....

@TheLiterateLyoness 10 ай бұрын

Thank you, Richard. Validation is the silver bullet to re-empower victims of narcissistic abuse.

@sandracairney6007 4 ай бұрын

I self isolate far too much and yet I know how good it feels to just function and be around people, anyone ever had a flashback that's left them feeling literally shaking inside and terrified of nothing? I never ever experienced fear with no visual or physical reason in front of me. Im facing N abuse again and I can't escape it as it's abuse by an authority figure who is holding high stakes rights from me and trying to prove I deserve this eternal punishment. Im seeing somebody about it as its truly trying to destroy me, physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel cornered and worse, they have a job to protect and keep families together whilst making a mockery of the concept. I have done nothing wrong, it's just the worst to know im being gagged whilst lies have been speculated about me, I have evidence to the ceiling but im just a nobody, maybe this particular monster will overplay its hand. I think it's retriggering over and over to make me feel, especially feel incompetent, whilst all my actual work is consistent and conscientious. The worst kind of unfair comes from prejudice mixed with authority.

@sleepydoppy8516 4 ай бұрын

Too late. I spent 23 years with the same one discarded 3 times. Lol. Nice to know I’m not along. But I’m truly sorry for anyone that has been through this.

@Freedom99922 4 ай бұрын

So true! I can’t find anyone that quite understands to like help mentally just let it go. I can’t seem to find a therapist that gets it. so I just gave up and just trying to not care about anything.

@Rich-il8zt Жыл бұрын

The course works. It really does. So much so that Richard’s voice now annoys me. Like a son disliking his own mother. I enjoyed this one. The love is returning. Emotional literacy course is a must anyway and I need to do more of this in a constant basis. Good luck out there x

@the_alizerah 7 ай бұрын

Most realistic teaching I ever listened to. But why do many keep gaslighting us with their teaching methods - Making it seem like we are actually supposed to stay so long in the trauma when they're the ones not talking about the issue as what it is. Thanks for being so genuine in your teaching.🎉

@brotherofthesnake8833 Жыл бұрын

At seven 7 minuets 30 seconds the video feed is getting corrupted. Somehow, I managed to view entire video as it can be partly corrected sometimes if you fiddle with it. Very unfortunate because this video has some of the best content that Richard has ever put out. I have been following Richard for a very long time. I have more admirations for this man than any one person that I have ever been in contact with. He has literally saved my life and probably the lives of many others, with his get to the problem and sort out the bull shit mentality. I am looking for a cleaned-up version of this broadcast.

@julie4740 Жыл бұрын

Think this is the hardest part, for lots are in the false self’s waiting for validation from someone anyone however way they can !!!

@JananyaKali Жыл бұрын

Thank you, Richard. So many insights here and I'm only mid-way... wow. You're a gift to us.

@Prot91 4 ай бұрын

When you have kids with the NP the damage continues and the flying monkeys and friends don't understand you 😢

@theharringtons2010 Жыл бұрын

Trust ourselves, strong boundaries, educate ourselves, understand every human has a hidden agenda for their actions even us, but not everyone is a narc..

@monikamroczek3305 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for your wisdom 👏that's what i needed to hear.. After 5 years with narc.. Finally im free.. Healing in progress ❤️

@tamarafryziuk774 Жыл бұрын

I’d be interested in trust building after recovery from Narc abuse. Also wanted to tell you how great your info is and the way you present it. I’m probably somewhat hyper-vigilante, however I see narcissist traits in single men right off the bat now, well in men and women. You put the information boldly, no sugar coating, directly and clear. I see 2 therapists and it’s been impossible to find anyone in my area with experience with EMDR, brain spotting and somatic therapy. You’ve helped understand what my mind and body were going through more than any Therapist. I’ve been learning from your videos for about a year now, and it has helped tremendously!! Im a nurse and a nurse educator, I’ve discussed you at length with coworkers and my counselor, and had one of my counselors review some of your info prior to sessions. Thank you for all you do.

@agentin00katz14 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much, Richard Grannon, for your analysises and how you deliver them.🙏Along with Sam Vaknin's, your videos helped me to stay away from s*icide ideation, when I was at the most disturbed point emotionally,psychically, mentally, psychosomatically. Would like to reach out to you for your course since the mental health crisis over here in my town in Germany is out of hands, you have only waiting lists of at least 9 months up to 3 years to get a therapist. Plus I highly doubt I would find a therapist who could have the insights like you have. Have an enjoyable weekend.

@user-zb7gf3um7t 10 ай бұрын

Thank you. We are in a serious and dangerous traumatic period and your videos are helping us while we sit frightened in our home. We have a restraining order against my son and my daughter’s brother, and a security system has been installed. But, when the night comes, we are scared. Thanks so much.

@katrinthode2867 Жыл бұрын

I watch you All the time Richard. I feel after 50 years of narc abuse that I fall back always. I want to take your course, I want to get past All that. I thank you from my 💜 for your time and help!

@t1sg 3 ай бұрын

He had to know. From day one lied that he was separated for years and his d would be over in months. For years he kicked the can, lying about different stages/ atty mtgs and holdups of the d process. When I questioned it he told me dont be scared, we've got this. That he really wants this and he has no doubt that together we would get through it. He asked me to be strong for us. There was never any divorce. Nothing ever even filed. Not even a conversation between him & his wife. Logically i get how theres no love in that. Its soo damn cold. Ohh man. Im terrified of accepting that I felt love for someone who was so cold, that someone so evil had that much sway in my life.

@bettyburns5631 3 ай бұрын

Then there is jealousy they create when they choose someone over their wife. So painful when they triangulate. I have never been to a deeper hell!

@mm7411 Ай бұрын

39:00 Great breakdown-love it. Actually love the entire video breakdown.

@oljiczki Ай бұрын

@richard grannon Dear Richard, I would like to translate this video on my language if you allow. This would help lots of people in my country who suffered psychological injuries like I did. I must say that I had two relationships wich you described in your videos. I managed to move forward, but I was willing to go to therapy. You were dealing yourself with that and these videos can help people recognize what is happening to them. I didn’t realize what is happening to me before I went to training for Law Clinic on my studies. This is “pure gold” for people who need help. Since I’m not a therapist I would like to help people translating your videos. If you agree please notify me, because I will not do that without your allowance. Thank you!

@barbaraalbert5600 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your strength lack of hope and....and what

@destinybinkley8374 11 ай бұрын

Good morning, thank you for speaking raw, real and actualities about this. I too am coming outta the pit, it has been a beautiful, turmulturous experience. These words dont even touch how to express the feelings that go along with this experience. I honestly thought i was alone, crazy and afraid to say a thing that was real. I now find myself unable to say anything that isnt raw and real. I have found myself very alone and able to hear, understannd and lesrn how to feel again. Theres not a whole lotta people who cannot articulate the healing, its so weird and intense and aloof, but im finding that we are forming and coming to realize this very deep crevice within our beings. Thank you 😊

@naomisee789 11 ай бұрын

23 years before exit. It is hard to live with having given my prime years to a failure. 2+ years getting equilibrium back, and yes, I see traits all around me. In dealing with parent relationships that shaped me / normalized me to tolerating this dynamic is currently a deep grief. Realizing parent is the root is like a death.

@givingvoice1 10 ай бұрын

You're beating yourself in front of the rest of us and you need to stop 😂😂😂 Reminds me of Bob Newharts classic scene where he tells his patient to remember two words, forever: "STOP IT!!" So much intelligence, relief, and self-love when we indulge our humor. Great video!

@cherylcowan7131 Ай бұрын

Thank you for the great laugh today… I really needed that!! 🤣🤣🤣

@greentree730 4 ай бұрын

Richard...it can be really difficult when its not romantic. It's my identical twin sister, we are 60 now. It is no contact at the moment. I won't tolerate the abuse, but the cost is losing my sister. For many of us, its a 25 year marriage, a sister, a son. Detaching from these ones we should be close with is very difficult.

@Reldas Жыл бұрын

This is great. I have an incredibly disturbing sense of humor. I make jokes about my stepdad grooming and (bleep bleep) me as a child, and I think I’m hilarious, meanwhile my girlfriend looks at me like I just dropkicked an infant. If I couldn’t laugh at the absurdities of existence I don’t think I’d be here. Appreciate all your work and dedication. Also, I’m lesbian in Texas and we have the same haircut.

@noneyah9952 Жыл бұрын

😂

@martabratek2541 Жыл бұрын

No time now to lisen. In 4.17 mon I heard what I need. Thank you. So clear. Simple . Wise. Thank You.

@melissamccann6435 Жыл бұрын

Richard, could you speak on the psychology of Limerance?, I just learned this term recently. I think it's so relevant to this topic. Anyone who has experienced childhood trauma and is having a difficult time trusting their choices in picking and trusting their instincts when it comes to healthy relationships should read up on this this psychology term. Richard, you're giving Braveheart with that blue shadow on your face, I like it!

@noneyah9952 Жыл бұрын

Yesss ! I have been in limerence for over 10 years and it’s hell. I am slowly starting to get out of it now.

@RFokus Жыл бұрын

Trust can be betrayed, but knowledge not. I will never trust again, it is unnecessary. The only person I trust on this planet is myself. After my trust was abused bei many people but mainly by my still husband, a very malignant narcissist, whom I married at the age of 19 and witnessed all my life over 22 years, trust doesn't exist for me. I bring people in my life because I observed them, listened to them carefully, I watched, and judged them harshly. And after I judged them and they are good natured, I let them in my life. Because I know them. I trusted people and got betrayed. I trusted people because I didn't know them. Trust is what can be betrayed. Now I do the job of observing and knowing people. Knowledge can not get betrayed. It's my solution. Because I don't want to isolate myself and don't want to be hurt and betrayed any more. I don't want to trust any more either.

@haideralikhan007 4 ай бұрын

I am sorry, I didn't join the video at the right time. The video is great. I look forward to future videos. I have several of videos in the past , that have helped in the past greatly

@bubblegumelectric1 Жыл бұрын

This is incredibly helpful. I’ve been self employed for the last few years because I can’t be around others as much as I once was able to. My emotions and thoughts are running me whenever around others. Trying to fix this…

@audreyandrea460 Жыл бұрын

Your awareness is key. It’s much worse to be regularly shutting down or dysregulating in various interactions and be so dissociated that you don’t care that it’s happening to you.

@jillsaitta350 Жыл бұрын

I stopped trusting really anyone after facing narcissistic people time after time. We have to heal but its so hard . Forgetting the abuse is something I wish my mind could erase .

@metha9498 Жыл бұрын

I don’t even go out socially anymore cause I’m to scared of being hurt. And targeted. I’m waiting until I have become stronger and more confident in myself . I don’t wanna go out when vulnerable as I will just attract toxic people.

@jillsaitta350 Жыл бұрын

@@metha9498 I can relate . Its truly difficult. I trust myself and my intuition now more then ever . I am grateful for it. We endure alot as humans.

@metha9498 Жыл бұрын

Do you come from the uk ? … cause I don’t really know how i feel about this country anymore. I feel people in my area , seem kinda emotionally immature , withdrawn and unfriendly. No one seems to really care about anyone , not much community, at all. Again this may just be subjective to the part of the uk I come from. I always wondered why for so many years I never left the house. I think I just felt like there wasn’t much out there for me. Like I didn’t really have a place in the world. Still feel like that. Sorry for sharing this, your choice if you read it. I just need some place to write this out as it’s hard when I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life. I have been in and out of therapy for years but the therapists don’t understand how toxic my family is or what actually goes on behind closed doors if they did maybe I would of got the help I need. But it’s hard , I watched a Sam vaknin video recently that said the therapist will do the bidding on behalf on the narcissist because often the narcissist programs you to work against yourself. so I’m thinking this is why I don’t get the help of therapists that I really need. I’m gaslighting myself and they are gaslighting me as a result.

@metha9498 Жыл бұрын

I don’t know how much more of my life I can just survive…. :( I need to make a change to change everything but I don’t know what exactly. I currently don’t have a place to stay that I feel is safe or secure. It’s either home which is horrible for me or in this apartment that feels free from my family but also isolating…. And my neighbours aren’t to friendly… I’m starting to think I just need to try something totally different but I know often impulsive decisions tend to blow up in my face…. There must be something out there for me … maybe I just haven’t found it yet or maybe I never will :(. I keep on praying for help but I never seem to get to a place that I feel is comfortable enough for me to feel at ease enough to just chill out and be myself. Do your comments just disappear cause mine do it’s really annoying

@metha9498 Жыл бұрын

And my mum just wants me dead or in a mental hospital. She doesn’t want the best for me, I know that for sure although she pretends she does but she hurts me emotionally behind close doors so a lot is just nothing but an act. To make herself look like a good person. I just don’t know what to do. It’s like with these narcissists the more you stay around them for years the more they have had chance to dig there claws in and ruin your life. If I left years ago I doubt things would be this beyond repair. But I didn’t know who my mum was and what she was doing to hurt me.

@JoSpring Жыл бұрын

Thank you for answering my question. Much appreciated. I have a long term Zen background. 🕉️

@RICHARDGRANNON Жыл бұрын

We are old Zen compatriots then 🙏

@JoSpring Жыл бұрын

@@RICHARDGRANNON That's why I listen to you. 😃

@bri4170 3 ай бұрын

You’re brilliant. Thank you for you

@kathyclements7148 Жыл бұрын

Thank you, sharing your experience, wisdom, really appreciated, am sheltering, trying to heal, I pitied him, he suffered and died 2020, I was devastated, I know, weird, but I need to recover, so I do thank you, guidance 🤫

@mindresetme7063 Жыл бұрын

I certainly question my own giving up of my own values. My values on education for children, hygiene, honesty, commitment, etc. I let them fall when they were just never met or seen or valued. I really can see how I didn’t leave when I should have. I packed the car twice over the years and I finally found the tinder account and the emails and sexts that I needed for the leverage to leave. Leaving without that seemed too difficult. The love bombing was real but fucknim so much better now. I have bad days (like the past two) but today I’m so much better. It’s up and down. Thank you Richard you’re the oracle in the whole abusive narcissistic concept and the healing afterwards. It’s really helped me very much. Thank you 🙏

@Cs-uk8do Жыл бұрын

The self-reproach! I gave the best years of my knees and my hair!

@helenachase5627 Жыл бұрын

Great shout out to Dr Abdel Saad. What a gem !

@katface28 Жыл бұрын

I hate I missed the live the other day 😢, but I'm glad I'm seeing this one!

@katface28 Жыл бұрын

I would love ASMR videos with you.

@Leila2023_ Жыл бұрын

yes i am in this situation now... 3 years after being left by an abuser i feel like i can't believe that any new man could actually be a good person once we get past the honeymoon phase and because i can't believe that.a man could be a good person deep down i think i'll stay single forever. definitely went into isolated mode after splitting and i think i will stay here for quite some time to come. definitely is ptsd.

@snipercrow9835 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing with use

@katiev.5059 Жыл бұрын

Richard thank you for the videos! Right now are the "best of times and worst of times" for my family and I since my narcissistic ex husband went to prison for abusing and raping our daughter. I never realized what kind of crazy world we lived in until he was gone. Now we are picking up the pieces and my eyes have finally been open and I appreciate all of the insight and education you have provided. I am a Christian woman and really have relied alot on my faith and God has been providing strength and direction and He uses you so much to help others so again, thank you for using your gift for healing...

@renzlo9747 Жыл бұрын

Omg i remember the jlo movie! Honestly it was pretty cool... thanks for the reminder😁

@camilledibenedetto7538 Жыл бұрын

Ive discovered you.....I also reconize in listening to you, I'm getting educated on The narcissistic person wow I believe after year and a 1/2 with this person you nailed it. His tendencies / can folks just have narcissistic tendencies and not be full-blown narcissistic? I recognize the dumb question I just have asked...I apologize? I'm smarter than this.😊