4:31 1: "Don't multitask." 4:53 2: "Don't pontificate." 6:06 3: "Use open-ended questions." 6:44 4: "Go with the flow." 7:36 5: "If you don't know, say that you don't know." 7:57 6: "Don't equate your experience with theirs." 8:38 7: "Don't repeat yourself." 8:58 8: "Stay out of the weeds." 9:21 9: "Listen." 10:41 10: "Be brief." *Please like this comment so it can stay up and more people are able to see it.*

"Most teens at this time send over 100 texts a day" Me: *looks at phone* *two texts* -_-

Almost 7 years later this still has such a huge impact on everyone. She's absolutely great.

I get sick of providing a "listening service" to people who just want to hear themselves talk. Everyone should take turns during a conversation.

Notes from video: 4:31 1. Don’t be half in half out of the conversation. Be in it or out of it. 4:53 2. Don’t pontificate. Stating an opinion without the opportunity for response, argument or discussion. Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. Set aside your personal opinion. Everyone you meet knows something that you don’t. Everyone is an expert in something. 6:06 3. Who, what, where, when, how? Let them describe it. 6:44 4. Go with the flow. Thoughts will come and go. 7:36 5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Talk should not be cheap. 7:57 6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they’re talking about the time they lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they start talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t start talking about how you hate your job. It’s never the same. All experiences are individual. 8:38 7. Try not to repeat yourself. It can come across as condescending and it’s really boring. We tend to do it a lot in work situations and conversations with our kids. 8:58 8. Stay out of the weeds. People don’t care about the minutiae. What they care about is you. 9:21 9. Listen. This is the most important. • If your mouth is open you’re not learning - Budda and every Dad there ever was. • No man ever listened his way out of a job - Calvin Coolidge. 10:41 10. Be brief. • A good conversation is like a mini skirt; short enough to maintain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. Be interested in other people. Everyone has some hidden amazing thing about them. Go out, talk to people and prepare to be amazed.

"Dont listen to reply, listen to understand" This is such a powerful quote and it really resonated with me. Thank you Celest!

1. be present don't multitask, while having a conversation. Get out of the conversation if you want to, but if you wanna make a nice one then be present! 2. don't pontificate if you wanna stay to your opinion without any oppurtunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, then write a blog. :) You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. TRUE LISTENING REQUIRES A SETTING ASIDE OF ONESELF. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his/her mind to the listener. EVERYONE YOU WILL EVER MEET, KNOWS SOMETHING YOU DON'T. 3. Use open-ended questions Start your questions with who, what, when, why or how. Let them describe there opinion or their experience. Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're gonna get a much more interesting response. 4. Go with the flow Just listen and ask related to their answers, just to be present. Never think that you've a clever question and you would forget and then you got tied to that particular thought of question and you're out of the conversation. Thoughts or questions might come to you and you let them come and go. 5. If you don't know, say that you don't know Be honest about what you know and what you don't know. Do that, talk shouldn't be cheap. 6. Don't equate your experience with theirs If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job. It's not the same, it's never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly it's not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered. "I've no idea. People who brag about their IQs are losers." Conversations are not a promotional oppurtunity. 7. Try not to repeat yourself It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot. we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over. Don't do that. 8. Stay out of the weeds Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind. They don't care, what they care about is you. They care about what you like, what you've in common. So forget the details. Leave them out. 9. Listen Listening is perhaps the most, the number one, most important skill that you could develop. "If you're mouth is open, you're not learning." ~Buddha "No man ever listened his way out of a job." Why do we not listen to each other? We get distracted.The average person talks at about 225 word per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in those other 275 words. And look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation. You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place. You have to listen to one another. "Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply." ~ Stephen Covey 10. Be brief A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and this is this one: Be interested in other people. GO out; talk to people, listen to people,and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed. Thanks.

You never stop learning, so just keep listening. Listen to understand and not reply. That was amazing

I hate how much people interrupt. I leave most conversations unsatisfied because I end up shutting up to avoid interrupting, but most people don't return the favor.

Hears “don’t multitask” while reading comments.. lol my bad

I totally agree with her. What I have experienced lately though is that my „skill“ of being a good listener is oftentimes exploited by people who love to talk about themselves, but in return don’t ask questions. And so conversations get really exhausting and one directional. And unfortunately I don’t get amazed too often by the content of it.

"A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest! but long enough to cover the subject." Amazing quote

1-Be present 2-Enter enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn 3-Use open ended questions 4-Go with the flow 5-If you dont know, say you dont know 6-Do equate you experience with theirs 7-try not to repeat your self 8-forget the details, only focus on expressing your self. 9-LISTEN This is only for review purpose. If you havent seen the video pls watch it first then read this. And if you where reading this during the video pls restart it and watch it with you full attention.

The good news is everybody is now ready to listen. The bad news: nobody wants to talk anymore. 😂

Love this! As an ex-national news journalist, now working in corporate communications, who interviews and has conversations with fascinating people, my favourite tip on her list is "be interested in people, be prepared to be amazed". If you go into all interactions with this mindset, all her other tips will happen naturally, and it will be a rich experience guaranteed.

"A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject." nice one.

"Be prepared to be Amazed" The final and strongest words.

-"average people speaks at 255 word/min but we can listen to 500 word/min" -*proceed to put the speed x2*

These principles should be taught to everyone. A lot of people have lost the art of conversation due to social media, technology, etc.

Totally true! As a Lyft driver, i am constantly surprised, inspired, amazed, and in awe by my amazing passengers... 1,407 and counting. People are awesome!

Listen to understand, not reply. My favorite comment of Celeste's presentation.

One of the most genuine and personable speaches ive ever heard. She speaks as if she were talking to a single person, but at an entire audience. She appears so comfortable and genuine on stage it does indeed leave me amazed.

Greatest Advice my father ever gave me “ Be Slow to Speak and Quick to listen”

"we dont listen with the intent to understand. we listen with intent to reply" completely agree, i say "communication is not key, comprehension is"

This talk was short enough to retain attention and long enough to cover the subject.

I would add an 11 rule: Be yourself. When you are talking, don't say things or act like another person just to be accepted. People don't want maks, including yourself. We have to develop naturally our own personality, even if in our opinion, it's not enough to be beloved. Sooner or later, you''ll have to be yourself, act like another person just cuts off your connection with other people and with yourself. I say this from my own experience

10:38 I swear, I completed that sentence even before she phrased it and i have never heard it before. Proud of myself TBH

This was such a spot on presentation, I can't even... Excellent job Celeste, the world needs this!

In regards to when she says, "Don't equate your experience with theirs.," meaning, don't chime in with your story that's similar to theirs, I realized a while ago that I do this all the time. I find that this is how I connect with people. And when someone I meet just wants to talk about themselves and immediately shuts down interest when you share a similar story, well, that's selfish. Those people just want to talk about themselves. They are not interested in you. I've literally analyzed the exact moment whenever I chime in and go, "Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about because this one time..." and the other person's facial expression go from interested to never mind. Now, for the people whom I do get along with, they are the ones who WANT me to share my story that is similar to theirs. In fact, the conversation usually lights up at the point. These people seem to want to share a little bit about themselves at the same time they want you to share a little about yourself in a hopeful attempt to see if you can connect. So my point is, I agree with her on this point and disagree because not everyone is the same.

If you're reading this, I hope you have a great day!😊

I remember listening to this about two years ago, and wow it's even more powerful now! She's an amazing speaker! Short, funny, relatable and engaging.

Great talk! "Be prepared to be amazed." This lends us to an individualistic beauty that is inside each of us. Thanks for the advice!

This talk deserves more views

#6 is me...I always thought mentioning how my experience is similar to theirs, it would let the person know I can relate, because I've been there. It never occurred to me that it could come across as changing the subject to me or as being narcissistic. I'm going to stop doing this as of now. Good advice! I'm an intravert, so, listening has always been my strong suit, but some great tips in this talk.

I’ve watched this talk probably 4-5 times now. it’s made me so much more aware of how I interact with people via conversations. Especially the simplicity of just listening more and letting people talk to have their say rather than cut them off mid sentence with what I think is more important or how greater my experience is compared to theirs…this talk has such valuable lessons for us all.

What a wonderful person she is, and how wonderfully she explained it. Thank you so much!

This lady is very interesting and comprehensive!

As a person who struggles with social anxiety and holding a good conversation I must say this is the best tedx talk I've listened to, and I've watched tons...

her closing statement should have been "thanks for listening"

this is what they show you on your first flight to earth

He thing is I like listening, I’m really good at taking in what people say and developing their thoughts. The problem is then talking. I think I’m really weird in that aspect that I would much rather listen to someone talk about a topic and learn from them than to interject my own ideas into a conversation. I came to this trying to learn how to hold a conversation with someone, but this for the most part isn’t what I needed. I need the other end of the spectrum for advice. I need to learn how to talk more. I’m not trying to lessen what she said, I still think this helped me a lot and I’m gonna try using her tips. Idk, I guess this is what being an introvert is like

I understand why I have a hard time holding a conversation now. I'm just not interested in people. :|

Brilliant. You could basically summarize all ten in one word. Humility.

This is it, the presentation that we need: short, valuable, and, timeless. Anyway I love her last words, "be prepared to be amazed (so we never be disappointed)". Thank you, Celeste. You're great!

She makes a bunch of great points in this talk. I think my favorite - or perhaps second to the one about being a good listener - was the one about letting go of the thoughts that run through our minds when someone's talking. We think that we'll forget it if we don't hold onto it, but it's our real-time responsiveness that'll make what we say hit. And we're capable of tracking a number of points that someone makes at the same time, so our responses to them can take on the nuanced character that really listening yields. Well look at that: letting go of our thought stream is really very closely related to careful listening.

"Be prepared to be amazed" what a way to end ! All that it takes to be a good conversationalist is that we listen better to each other. One of the most valuable ted talks I've seen.

"Enter every conversation assuming there is something to learn" Set aside your personal opinion" Beautiful!

One of the best TedTalks I've ever heard.

I completely agree with some of the comments here that dispute the 'don't equate your experience with theirs' point. Everyone is different, but when I am going through a hard time, I don't want surface-level sympathy. I want someone to tell me "I've gone through [something similar] too, and [this] is how I overcame it." It's comforting and shows me that they're not simply nodding and smiling at a situation they can't comprehend.

At first i thought her heavy breathing was kinda distracting but i got used to it and it ended up adding a kind of passionate affect to the speech also this speech made me happy

Listen to people you're conversing with, not with the intent to REPLY...but with the intent to UNDERSTAND... and always anticipate learning how the person you're listening to is going to amaze you... I like it... I've just been seeking others perspectives to gauge the temperature, mettle, and trajectory of my own all this time, well, that and for the adventure of where the conversation may travel.. This may be the best bit of perspective I've heard in more than a decade...and thats really saying something!

Vulnerability is the only way to learn, we want to be more vulnerable not less. Our Cognitive biases automatically kick in we get defensive and we shut down but she’s right about saying if don’t know because you can never learn anything new, and she is right about using compassion not empathy

100% wonderful advice and guidance. We are SO narcissistic and self absorbed, that we feel the need to broadcast our opinions when someone is talking with us. LISTEN!!!!

Who is still watching this in 2019 ? Great job Ma'am ❤

1.ながらをしない 2.一方的に話さない 3.自由回答の質問をすること 4.流れに任せること 5.もし知らなければ知らないと言いましょう 6.相手の体験を自分の体験と同一視しない 7.同じことを何度も言わないこと 8.細かいことには拘らない 9.聞くこと 10.簡潔に

This is one video that has helped change my life, i come back to it a few times a year to freshen up. It really changes your entire social ability.

It is always best to listen to your enemies. They are trying to inform you about themselves.

She has been by far my favorite TED speaker. I'm definitely going to follow any of her future speeches.

Truly one of the most useful TED talks I have heard, I'm going to give this one multiple listens

definitely the best TEDx talk I have ever come across. Especially since I can be socially awkward and only can have meaningful conversations with people I feel connected with. Thanks Celeste

she is absolutely precise, humorous & sharp!! I like the way she made those humors!!!

Watching this video got me to thinking about the past few conversations that I've had with people, and i can see why things go awkwardly sometimes. Waiting and remembering an idea only to interject it over another persons statements rather than listening and going with the flow is something i often do. This video has made me realize I'm not a very good listener and need to work on this in order to have more meaningful conversations with people.

I came back to watch when I figured I wasn’t letting my guest speakers speak on my podcast while I was doing the editing. I felt so sad and embarrassed. But I think I’m very proud of the other things that I’ve learnt.

I was told this decades ago when I was in hospitality and then sales. “Listen with your ears and eyes open and your mouth shut” “You can’t offer a solution when you don’t know what the issue is”

First time in Ted talk I amazed how beautiful ly she explained everything . She is genius.

Great to know there are people out there that are actually interested in people genuinely, great talk Celeste!

Celeste, what a great talk! Thank you for such a thrilling, entertaining, enlightening and enjoyable experience!

This talk isn’t just about good conversation but also about how to have a good and proper communication.

Celeste Headlee​ is such a pro and drops some incredible advice for life, in 12 minutes. I was not prepared to be amazed, but I was! Besides being clever in a bunch of little ways, this was such excellent advice (for me personally). I need to rewatch this this regularly just to keep it fresh in my mind.

This is one of the best TEDx talks. I am so thankful.

I love how her eyes are sparkling

This is the best advice on active listening I have come across!!! I'm excited to explore each of these principles! Thank you Celeste! Your consciousness is beautiful :-)

How to get better conversations : 1. Don't multitask 2. Don't pontificate (assume that you have something to learn 3. Use open-ended question (not a yes/no) 4. Go with the flow 5. If you don't know, say that you don't know. 6. Don't equate your experience with theirs. (its not about you, not to promote yourself) 7.try not to rephrasing yourself. 8. They dont care with the number name date etc, they care about how you like. 9. Listen (most people not listen to understand, but listen to reply) 10. Be brief

Always assume there is something to learn and listening by setting aside yourself so the speaker can feel more at ease and open up the deeper recess of themselves. I Love this! Thank You 🙏🏻 This information will never be out of date.

I totally agree with him. When someone is in a conversation, we need to be good listeners. We listen to their concerns, and reach out to them. Hope the world will be better when we listen to each other and care for each other:"))

The most important thing that should be on everyone mind currently should be to invest in different sources of income that doesn't depend on the government. Especially with the current economic crisis around the word. This is still a good time to invest in various stocks, Gold, silver and digital currencies.

I'm gonna be rewatching this one. This was very helpful.

I RARELY type comments-this is one of the BEST talks I have heard...it made me go "HMMM.." many times. I intend to listen to it several times so I can really begin to implement these beautiful ways of being in conversation.

The video has really resonated with me. It has really increased my awareness of how I communicate with others. I find it extremely important how sometimes you have to listen more instead of speaking non-stop. Your conversation partner needs to be aware that they are not speaking into the void, that you actually pay attention to them. In my opinion, that's the secret of having a good conversation.

"Each person is an island unto himself, in a very real sense; and he can only build bridges to other islands if he is first of all willing to be himself and permitted to be himself." - Carl Rogers

I feel like we are always prepared to be offended instead of prepared to be amazed. That's the problem. So much feels.

These are the most precious pieces of advice i ever heard.and the good thing i learnt something while i was laughing. What a wonderful Celeste Headlee!

everything aside her eyes are sparkling

This has got to be one of the best Ted Talks on communication I've seen

Brilliant! Worth to watch often to keep what she said fresh in my memory

It's very important to listen to this kind of people because they give us so many ideas on how to make our life better and to let us know what is the importance of having a great communication.

One of the most helpful and entertaining TED Talks I've seen!

How can 2.7K viewers give a thumbs down to this educated/life skills positive lady? As a normal/open minded Canadian I understand 100% of her words/message.

Having watched this several months ago, it was just as beneficial watching it a second time.. so many great takeaways 💕

#6: She says that people shouldn't respond with their similar personal experiences. Personally, I feel better when someone does respond by relating their own experience/s similar to my own. It helps to know that they truly do understand what I am going through.

There is something else that Celeste has and does not mention. She is attractive because of her underlying sense of humour. Her face and body seems to smile with happiness all the time in a really natural manner. No fear or lack of confidence. It was impossible for me to be inattentive or unreceptive to her 10 point message because of her demeanour.

"Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn" excellent advice! ty :)

Thank you so much for this! It’s amazing what kind of advice you can find even when you didn’t know you needed to hear it. 💕

I love this TEDx Talk. A good reminder to be a better listener and to be more interesting. I want to see more Celeste Headlee.

12 minutes very well spent. As one comment on here mentioned, 7 years later, this is still fresh and very relevant. The last slide was super smart and hilarious. lol

I would add that according to Socrates, a good word checks all the following criteria : - Is it true? (and not a lie) - Is it useful? (and not said to fill a gap) - Is it good? (and not said with bad intentions)

This is one of the most amazing and useful Tedx talks i have heard! Absolutely loved the speaker. 😍

This was the best Ted Talk ever!! Thank you so much! You were on point, I agree with everything you said and you totally kept me engaged the whole time!!!

A wonderful talk. She spoke beautifully and taught me a lot. Thank you 🙏🏽✨

This is one of the most resourceful tool ever shared. Thank you, Celeste!