Stay single, I’m tired of this drama

My late mother used to tell me, " Don't tell him everything." Yes, that's right.

I didnt meet my husband til I was 32. I dated A LOT. So by the time I met him I really didnt care anymore. I had lived alone for 10 years by that time and I enjoyed it. Him ,being an alpha Male , liked the chase. We dated 2 months, eloped and have been happily married for 24 years now.

These kinds of videos give me severe anxiety....was just being yourself ever a thing?

I personally think it's important to just be our true authentic selves, and if that scares the man away then they were not right for us to begin with, so we just simply accept that and move on. If the man was truly interested and saw your true value underneath your insecurities, he would not care if your emotions over flow out of you at times when you cannot control them because there is just so much emotion embodied within you - that's life, we have so much emotion inside ourselves each and everyone of us. I don't understand why we all have to run away from that and be afraid of showing our insecurities and vulnerabilities. If you scare the other person away because of that, they are really afraid of that what's inside themselves and your were simply a reflection of that. Knowing and acknowledging this is true strength in my perceptive, not hiding away from it.

Why does it have to be so damn complicated?

I was born tired of manipulation :-)

Me: *has interest in dating again* Me: *watches this* "Yeahhhh nah think I'll live alone forever lol I cbf".

Ladies be yourself. If he cant deal show him the door. The realest thing i wrote to date

Why we can not just be ourselves without worrying so much?

I don’t agree, I’ve done this with all my passed relationships and found that if a guy likes you this won’t matter.

There is no too soon or too late .. it’s just about the right time with the right person. Time doesn’t deliver clarity but depth delivers clarity. You Can’t say the wrong thing to the right person (say or ask anything you would like to say to the person you are attracted to, whatever you need to express, desire questions, deep questions you want to ask/say, if this is the wrong person, they won’t be last, if the right person, they will come toward you) BE your true self from the beginning is the key. No one can pretend longer than 3 months, after the 3/4 month people will actually reveal their true colours and initials intentions.

God forbid people should be genuine and human. As humans we ARE dependant on one another. Divorice rates are high because of immaturity and manipulative games.

I wanted to write a nice comment but I don’t want u to get a crush on me 😊

Be yourself. It’s exhausting when u lie to yourself and others. Period.

I agree with Emmagination's comment. You don’t need to play games to get the love you want. You were made to be lovable exactly as you are. When we find ourselves caught up in the dating “game” our wound has taken over. The wound tells us we need to use tactics to get someone to like us, see us, love us. Operating from a wounded place will never give you the love you desire. The only path to receiving the love your heart craves is to be authentically you.

I'm trying to get back out in the dating scene after 20+yrs of marriage and its hard. All these rules and mind games. I think I'll just stay home and get some cats. Seems easier than this dating merry go round.

Your quote: "Neediness kills attraction. We cannot keep being attracted to a needy person. It's physically impossible. It kills the hormones of love." Okay, so this is in a case of a casual relationship where there is no emotional investment, but just based off of surface qualities. This advice is dangerous because a healthy, emotionally invested relationship is one where the two need each other, not in a healthy or co-dependent way, but in a vulnerable and healthy way. And you're basically feeding into the myth that needing someone or being vulnerable is a weakness, which is a patriarchal concept. Also, in a genuine and healthy relationship, a person doesn't "lose love" or interest if their partner is having moments of weakness or neediness. They accept each other for who they are and both try to uplift each other. This is unhealthy advice you're giving, and just to immature, insecure men. I agree that in beginning, there is a dance with not throwing yourself at someone, which can scare someone off. And a lot of guys like direct compliments, btw.

His voice is so calming. It makes me want to close my eyes.

If a guy is right and meant for you, then no matter what you do, will scare him off :)

..”If you want him to treat you like a queen then you have to act like one from the start” 👏🏼👌🏼👑

Life itself is already full of challenges. You don't need to make relationships sound even more complex with those "hints of challenges" when in reality it's not all that complicated. Simply be yourself genuinely and positively. Never try to be a fake and manipulative person or someone that you're not. Good men will be there for kindhearted, generous, and supportive women regardless of their looks and appearances. You have to remember that good character is much more important than only your outer physical makeup. It is all there is to it. I am happy that I had found one such woman with a strong, morally sound character, married her for years, and been blessed with our beautiful little daughter.

This is kind of depressing.

This is so complicated I surrender and try to get used to being single forever instead

I really need to hear this. I am the type to say "the wrong things"... too fast too soon. It's fear based sometimes, or from low self-esteem. But I am working on myself. THANK YOU!!!💜

I thought guys were supposed to be the simple creature 🙄

If you want your guy to treat you like a Queen, you have to act like one from the start. That’s brilliant! 😊

WOW... so exploring the dark side is not an option. When people can love through someone's wounds, and when healing occurs - that sense of neediness is held in a special way. Abandoning someone who shows vulnerability is evil. We are all vulnerable at some point. Guys who need a woman who has it all together 24/7 aren't really able to connect to that vulnerability. It scares them.

Are you kidding? If a woman has to MAKE a man fall in love with her, it’s already a ‘no win’.

as an independent woman i struggle so much with what you say..

I am binge watching your videos and reading your books! My last relationship I was too needy. He wasn't interested so I over compensated to make him love me back. He ended up cheating on me multiple times. THAT is not my fault though! But what I've learnt is being needy doesn't work. I am now being independent and loving myself for who I am! 🥰

When I saw "formula" in the title, I thought "Ooooh, formula! Because they're babies!" lmaooo

Unfortunately after listening to you I can't focus or listen to other speakers.. You are sooo straight forward, you don't share uninteresting or tedious information. You get straight to the point. You are so easy to comprehend and digest... I simply learn from you and you really capture my attention from the beginning to the end. I thank you for the knowledge. Now I can do something different because I trust what you are saying. Thank you!!!!

If I can't just be myself and the man I like isn't interested enough in me for myself, then I would figure he isn't worth getting involved with. High self esteem is the key ladies when dealing with a man you are interested in.

this works for me, too. 4:08 "if you give them a compliment too early, they will feel like they haven't earned it and that this is what you are saying to any other guy". I have turned down guys feeling exactly the same. Let's all try to make the moment a bit more special, then 😄

Your channel with that theme is the best I've seen. You also don't push too much commercial. It's great. Straight to the point...

I am sorry, I love your intelligent and empathetic style, your concern for women, but... I think the advice in this particular video is very unhealthy. Giving someone a genuine compliment, even off the bat, is not neediness. Needing to be coy is not being a high-value woman - it is in many ways the opposite of the self-aware, confident and honest approach that you have advised in your other videos. I'm sorry if it's just my opinion, but if a man needs me to be this coy to get his attention, and can't appreciate me without having to fight for me, then I probably don't want him in my life. If a man can't accept love freely given, it is a problem of his own self-esteem, not the woman's.

I think the reason why dating is so complicated today is that we think and know to much. A few hundred years ago, this all would have probably happened naturally without any thinking about it. Now there's science, emancipation, ... This makes it too confusing. Maybe we should just let go of all the overthinking, work on our fears and flaws and connect naturally and see what happens.

You're absolutely right! "...being feminine." "Men should do the chasing." "... natural laws of attraction... "

And another thing, why is it that if men and women think so differently, women have to change their ways in order to "snag" their man? Why doesn't the man make more of an effort to morph his way of thinking to better suit the woman's needs? Look at every other species. The males go to great efforts to win their woman. (Just watch the bird of paradise's mating dance, or that of the peacock spider.) Human men are so lazy. There should really be more videos on how men should behave toward women, and not the other way around. Chivalry is endearing. Expecting a women to completely change who she is in order to appease your way of thinking, is just selfish. Who wants to be with a man who's selfish? And who wants to be with a man who doesn't love you exactly as you are?

Life is too short to hold back feelings of love. If They throw away the expression of love it is their loss. I enjoyed the time feeling this way and being able to express myself. Ever been in a therapy group Where adults got to learn to feel loved again? And Yes, Welcome to the world full of mistakes, it is a Wonderful one ⭐️🌸🤞🏻

I have come to realize, (in my 60’s) that I have been very, very fortunate in life. These things have always come to naturally to me. I still have men saying they love me from 15, 20 years ago. Every male ‘friend’ I’ve ever had has claimed to love me sooner or later, with no effort on my part

- I wouldn't want you to get a crush on me :) - That's the kind of jacket that can look really sexy if a guy goes to the gym! - Avoid telling him direct compliments at the beginning because they do better with a challenge, an indirect comment where they're not sure if you like them or not, but it gives them a direction of where to impress you.. some confusion which makes them think about you longer. Very funny. Sneaky. It's like dropping a hanky ! I think I'll get one of your books. As always great videos!

It's so difficult: when I'm honest about my feelings, and I tell a man I really love him & like him, I don't feel needy, it's just the truth. But then the mindgames stay.. It's exhausting. I don't want to be played around with. This is a man that needs to grow up. I do like him, but I won't let him treat me this way. He's very dishonest about his feelings and let me do all the work. It's exhausting. And it's not my fault, it's really a male distortion, this running & ghosting behaviour. But they don't understand I won't be there forever, so yes I'll move on with my life. It's his loss. I really opt out of playing games, done with that.

Very sexist. A guy who you can't be yourself with is a turn off. Boring guy. Dump him. Walk away. He's not worth the games.

You can't see it but I am scratching my head... Thank you for these videos. I am really trying to wrap my head around ”dating”, men, relationship style thinking. This may make a while... I appreciate your take/side on this as from the masculine half of the equation. I hope I get the chance to put it all to some good use!!!

Thank you - this is just mind-blowing advice. I really enjoy your style of presentation and the level of understanding of the male persona is so incredibly helpful. Thank you for your wisdom and making me feel like a real person again! Blessings to you.

This is very helpful. Thanks. There are too many of those "make him fall in love with you" type of videos that aren't so helpful. Sometimes all you need is "a sign" that he's interested so that you can work on building a relationship with them, even if it takes a while. Or to know that he's not interested in you so you don't hang around and waste your time if there's no chance he's ever going to date you. I wouldn't want to "trick" someone into falling in love with me. They should love me for who I really am, not just a fascade I've put up. Everyone's true colors come out eventually. It would be a shame to fall in love with someone, maybe even get married, and then realize who they really are. Sometimes it's just easier to stay friends with someone, even if you love them deep down. People are afraid of being rejected. All it would take is knowing that the other person likes you too. Unfortunately, you can't read their minds. People hide their true feelings and act akwardly because of it. Knowing some subtle ways to get them to open up about how they feel is helpful. You don't have to get out right rejected if they don't like you, but it might open some doors if they do. Maybe all they needed was for you to tell them it's unlocked in some way. Then they can decide whether they want to come in or keep walking.

Hello? Guys can be needy too and yes that is a turn off. Either way neediness is a sign of insecurity that will continue to play out in other forms causing conflict within the relationship. The More Genuine advice would be to resolve the issues that created the insecurities etc.. There is nothing authentic about acting and pretending

I really like all that you´re saying, although the indirect jacket muscle workout suggestion I find manipulative. I don´t want to have to say one thing, to affect something else and strategize. That´s not my nature. And I also don´t want the guy to use indirect manipulative language towards me in order to keep me guessing. That´s capturing thoughts and life force and manipulative. I feel it´s not good to invent artificial challenges, as life brings those naturally with sufficient opportunity to experience whether we´re sitting in the same boat or not ~

Thank you ! For completely validating what I have always believe to be exactly right ! Of course I'm older now but in my youth I learned that very important concept about men & even though I have been single & independent for about 15 yrs I am happy with no regrets & no abusive or terrible relationships in my past where as 95 percent of my female friends are stuck in unhappy unions I feel because they handed over the reigns way to quickly & easily for the sheer fact that they did not or could not stand alone & love themselves & be happy with oneself ! But your words today have proved themselves to be so very true & I have alot of good men in my circle of friends that have never stopped chasing me even at my age of 56 yrs old ! GOD BLESS U FOR YOUR TRUTHS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO SHARE WITH US ! 🙂👍

Thank you for an inspiring video. Yes, I have been making the mistakes you've mentioned, it's quite difficult to retrain, but it's worth it, isn't it? And it is where fun begins.

But... i said "i like you" to him. And he only said "thanks" and crazy laugh emoticon... i thought i might do the wrong thing. But he keeps contacting me everyday. Even more intense than before.. and i love it!!

You only need to create false chemistry and attraction when it is not there in the first place. Then once the man gets what he wants (sex) he disappears on you. Then you have to watch his next video" What to do when he disappears on you"

I adore this guy! Is it just me or is he wonderful beyond words? He makes my toes tingle!

I can probably see another reason why I'm still single. This is just too much and too Complicated. So how do we relate this too people whom met, got engaged and marriage all within a year or just a few months ? I feel like there is just too many factors to the game. Maybe Singleness is the best way.

to all the lonely people out there, who are watching dating tips and videos and are ready to just give up and despair: I had a video in my recommendations about saving a sick kitten and nursing her back to health, she is fine now. And I realized there are so many things out there that are far more important than trying to find the "right person". Maybe you find someone, maybe you don't. So what. You can be just as happy if you stay single as long as your life is meaningful. Save a kitten, or another animal if you don't like cats, and you will never be alone. ps. Animals don't play annoying mindgames either, and they love you for who you are.

Thank you so very much Brian for all the videos you post. You make it all so clear. Especially enjoyed what you say about self love. Life changing for me. Thank you.

Life saving. Brian! I have been mistaking for sooooo many years 😱😳 Thank you very much for clarification 🙏🙏 You are doing amazing work! 👏👏👏

Most of us men don't play these childish games and do NOT want a complicated woman who has a Queen complex.

LMBO! I learned , NEVER confess to the guy you like or have a crush on. LOL... maybe that's why it's called "crush" cause they sure crush the hell out of ya once you confess....LOL.. oh well, moving on.. :P

I love everything you say. It connects with my inner knowing. Thanks for this video Brian.

I really feel like you are in my room talking and giving me this advice. You’re good!!!

I got exhausted just watching this video It may be true but that’s still so much effort lol

I made the WORST mistake when I told him that I was always gonna be there for him. Seems like when you show interest (even when that interest is pure and true) they run away. And now I'm soo tired of situations like this. I'm tired of this game where you have to be very carefull of what to say, what to do or even what to feel bc boys might run and hide. Is ridiculous, horrible and exhausting. Thanks by the way Brian, I love your videos.

It's so weird how you're always so spot on

I have a date in two days, and it's with a guy I've known and liked for six years but haven't seen him in five years. I'm so glad I ran across this video because I don't feel as terrified anymore. Thanks for this; you just earned a new Subscriber

I find it disturbing that we can't just be real with one another. This is teaching us to be conniving. We should be able to love one another at whatever pace. If a man is showering me with compliments and talking about marriage, and I've fallen madly in love with everything about him, why shouldn't I reciprocate? Why can't we love each other without rules? This how I've been my whole life, and I've been engaged numerous times (all broken off by me), and married once. So, clearly, being open and honest , and making the men in my life know that they are loved, hasn't been so wrong if most wanted to marry me. And then someone I'd known for over a decade online (through a mutual, very good friend), came into my life, telling me he'd always known that I was the one. I fell in love with him at first sight (the second time this has happened to me). Even strangers were drawn to us, because we radiated together. And then he f***ing ghosted me, and I have been devastated ever since. I moved on with someone else, but I simply can't erase the desire to be with him, even one year later. I do not contact him anymore, obviously, because he, clearly, does not want me to, but I miss him every single day. The thing is that he was pushing me to go so fast, and I kept asking him to slow down, just like Brian says in another video (though I hadn't watched it yet, I merely did what was instinctual). I needed a slower pace. I needed time to enjoy the initial process, however, despite that being Brian's advice, it seems to have backfired on me. But I cannot fathom for a second that he wasn't madly in love with me, too. Yes, he ghosted me (most likely because I don't follow rules, and probably contacted him too much), but I take issue with this message that a man who ghosts you cannot possibly love you, or that he has to be a psychopath. I think that sometimes people get terrified, depending on past experiences. (His divorce was, and still is, brutally painful and consistently stressful. His ex-wife has been nothing but vindictive.) And sometimes the timing is off. But when complete strangers are telling you that they've never seen a man so in love with a woman before, and you see for yourself that he is absolutely smitten, how can you then listen to a video saying that is not the case. It makes no sense to me, neither his actions, nor this video.

Being authentic works. No games or script or formula. Lol

Thank you so much for all the wonderful insights on relationships. You make my day!

I really needed to hear this. I found it right on time. Thank you so much for this.

I love the “Wait, what?” part; that is so key. Also, that can lead a woman to see whether we have a fragile ego-ed man in front of us (a DANGER, DANGER situation). -An even more invaluable bit of info!

This is so hilarious, and making me laugh, which I desperately need. However, so true!! Thanks Brian!!

Good to know Brian. Very informative, I especially like your analogies put it into a more clearer perspective.

I like this video Bryan. I was raised by a dad and I have a strong mind and I stand up for myself like my dad we were close but I also know that I'm a very feminine but I've never learned to flirt and I only give compliments when they're actually important for my gratitude. I'm sassy and fun and witty because of my tomboy side and my inner strength that my dad gave me. But unfortunately not having a mom around I did not learn how to date and the procedures for doing so. So thank you for all your intelligent informative information. Mrs. Mitchell

Fix the core..be authentic love self n be ur self.thats all

You are so funny!!! Please explain in more details about challenge. Maybe a role video about it? Thanks so much!

I just love your videos... They're great! I'm finding that just being my sarcastic, straight forward, not doing the "friends with benefits" thing and being self sufficient, meaning I don't need a guy to be happy, has actually been removing the wrong guys from my life.. and I have been thinking all along that maybe there was something wrong with me... Thank you for that! Thing is.. even if you would have said being like that DOES push a guy away... I like who I am and wouldn't change anyway... Have an awesome day...

This was nice to hear… Brian’s videos are very calming. Much gratitude

Thanks Brian! I wish I could have you in my pocket to provide me with your guidance on a day to day basis 😄🤗

"He who needs the other one the most is always in the weakest position, and that's obviously the position you never want to be in". Listen, you dummy, if you have two people who follow this rule and enter into a relationship, then that relationship will end in 2 seconds. When did relationships between men and women become some sort of powergame from Game of Thrones?

Thank you so much, Brian! This video is so helpful!

Thank you sweet Geert ! I love tha way you put it and exemples you give us ... quite true and simple !

I am following Brian's videos and I find most of them very helpful and it makes me understand the whole dating process more on a molecular level. However, I must agree with a lot of people leaving comments here - saying that a person looks attractive or sexy is NOT too much TOO soon, in my opinion. If you are a person who values yourself, you usually speak from a position of power (in a good way) and saying something like that does not necessarily mean that you are WEAK. Healthy people with normal level of education and healthy emotional behaviour like when others acknowledge their value, like attention and like taking compliments. Nobody wants or enjoys being ignored, by a person who he/she is interested in. Games only lead to more games and more manipulation. I am questioning now, whether some of us actually wants to be with a person who does not see our value or like is for real, but because we won some sort of a mind game battle?

These rules are stupid. Having to follow formulas and stroke a man's ego isn't for me. Make these videos for men if they are supposed to do the effort and chasing. Teach them to stop being little boys and grow up. Men need to stop telling women how to behave, stop seeing needs and emotions as weak and know who they are and what they want. It's been too long that women have to keep changing themselves to please men.

so i just want to say thank you for talking about what you guys feel. i'm dating a guy and i was aware of these insecurity's that guys have. buy watching these last three videos of you talking about it rely tells me that i need to tell my guy more often that he is a hero my gentlemen and more. thanks!!!

You have to know 100% that the guy is worthy of being shown you like him... that's number 1, and very important!

Love is so complicated..just want to be a nun..its giving me headaches

!!!!!! NOT ALL GUYS NEED A F&#%KING CHALLENGE TO LIKE SOMEONE!!!! A woman should be able to express themselves and have it be understood. A challenge once feelings are out there and understood, just makes for a shallow relationship. I DO NOT like to be with guys like that. EVER.

You're brilliant at explaining those stuff Thanks for the hints

I read all your books and really really like your content. I used to listen to your podcasts but you are not sending them anymore? Anyway, keep making those videos!

very nice. perfect timing for me to see this right now :)

Your video popped up on my phone at just the right time. Thank u for your amazing and enlightening advice

you are amazing! thanks so much for these precious teachings.

why do I even try. With my luck I'll scare my crush away when I sneeze.

So....I am wondering how much research of "men" and "women" and "Relationships" you have done Brian Nox, to come to these conclusions that you are so confident about?! I am reacting negatively about the generalizations and game playing techniques....what about being genuine and honest and true...is there no room for this anymore?! My view is if I need to play so many games with a man, he is not the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with! Surely not all men are like this????!!!! there must be some emotionally intelligent and genuine men out there?! If I was to take your advice I would living a charade! Depressing!

Thank you 🙏 so much. The videos are short but they are to the point & very informative. I wish I had come across this your video 3 months ago. But it’s not too late.. it’s still the beginning & I will imply what I’ve learned from your video & see how effective it would be. Thank you for sharing the insight of how men’s mind think & how they are genetically inclined to do...very helpful to be able to understand how men’s mind works. Now I can make better decisions. Thank you again.

Your wonderful and just on point, I love your advice thank you Brian 💯

I wish I had someone to attract me to....but I’ll remember this if the time comes.

I'm an alpha female. I do and say what I like. Men fall in love way too fast with me and never get over/forget me. So, this advice, maybe for some. Just be confident and do what you like, if they dont like it meh, move along...plenty more frogs in the pond 💅