Also me: "I certainly hope so..." 😂

As someone with like pretty annoying ADHD, I too, relate. Hello, relative disordered fella! ADHD and autism are all kinda similar so I consider us relative disorders lol.

Of all the things I struggle with daily, why is my autism the only one classed as a disability? I really don't think that being obsessed with staring into eyeballs while talking about inconsequential things is the One True Way to be going about things!

@@mouseluva well when I got my diagnosis, they said it was in the process of being changed from disorder to condition. But obviously it's not in common use yet.

as an autistic person with a degree in linguistics and who has studied like 10 languages, same language is confusing

@@SkwithOv I was about to say and that's why I study linguistics

I will steal that phrasing for me! Mwahaha! I'm a thief!!!

I'm glad it resonated with you. 😁

@@somedragontoslay2579 omg this comment section is so wholesome I love it ❤

I very much resonate with this 💖 (the “that’s for people with bigger problems”) is a weird mental block that somehow doesn’t occur probably applies to me when going to the grocery store, eating non microwavable food, or leaving my house just isn’t going to happen some days due to chronic illness. Somehow “disabled” seems too far though as sometimes things work (ish)? Ugh words 🤦‍♀️

@@cuteCassandra96 most disabled people have good days where they function more than other days. Disability is a spectrum that covers a wide range of issues and functionalities.

"hey my periods are super irregular" -> "oh here's three options to choose from to regulate your cycle, also let's do an ultrasound to determine of you have pcos" "hey nothing means anything anymore and i have no hope for the future" -> "cool cool, lmk when you're actively suicidal so we can hospitalize you for a week and teach you things about mental health you already know, also here's a misdiagnosis and meds for that"

@@j.saoirseplafker228 mee

as someone with a fatigue disorder, EDS, adhd, amd digestive issues - have you heard of MCAS? i got diagnosed with it due to the weird allergy part and treatment helps all the disorders (incl surprise gluten intolerance that nobody connected).MCAS travels with these other disorders

‘Hey I’m 17 and turns out I have a hormonal problem and PCOS. I feel like shit, look 90, and can’t do daily life.’ Doctor: ‘ah, but will it affect your fertility someday?’ Me: ´I’m 17. Calm down. I just want to be able to have a life and you’re only worried if I will be able to make a baby.’

Ooh yes I get you! I have asthma and I never realised why “asthma sufferer” makes my skin crawl until my dad, who has RA, went on a huge rant about how he hates when people say, “aw he suffers from rheumatoid arthritis” and it opened my eyes so much! It’s something we/you deal with and have but it’s not something we SUffER from because life can still be good!

I know what you mean about the word"suffer". I've heard that journalists are told not to use use it, and instead say that a person has an illness instead of suffers from an illness.

For me it depends which issue I'm talking about. If it's more debilitating I'll use suffer, but most of the time I use has.

@@manifestationsofasort like there are days when you “suffer” but overall you don’t? Because yeah I get you there are definitely days when flares make you really suffer!

I like to term it, "I live with Bipolar Disorder and Chronic Fatigue". Sometimes I do suffer from them, and other times I just survive them.

It’s been proven when a survey with doctors and nurses was done showed that they think black people feel less pain. 😐

it used to be a huge thing that racist white people thought black people either didn't feel pain at all or felt it a lot less than white people. unfortunately that's still going on today, even if it's a bit watered down. edit: i'm sorry i don't think i worded this too well. i meant to say that today, it's not as bad as it was, but it's still really really astonishingly bad.

it definitely plays a role. while it wasn't specifically about disability, john oliver did a great segment about medical biases, specifically toward women and black people. he also had wanda sykes for part of it! i'd highly recommend it if you were interested in watching it.

On top of the "not feeling pain" thing, when the war on drugs started to take off in the US (I don't know if the same thing happened in other countries) doctors and nurses would assume that every black person was just trying to get their hands on more drugs rather than treating us for our actual symptoms. This still persists today.

@@locsoluv94 it definitely happens elsewhere, the United States has a lot of medical, social, and cultural influence on other countries through many sources, from academia to politics to popular media.

❤❤❤❤

Rosa rocks.

I love that quote!

@@npitzer and @Veevee306 both, as someone who also has C-PTSD (not autism related but still from prolonged childhood abuse) I can truly say that I completely agree with that explanation of how you feel about it being a brain injury. Also as the parent of an autistic child I am absolutely horrified by the way that people have treated their autistic children, and those “treatments” that are straight up torture. And although am grateful for the explanations of people who have experienced it first hand, and have put it out there as a way to hopefully spare others potential harm, I still absolutely hate that it ever happened to any of you. Anyways I’m not exactly sure what my whole comment was supposed to convey besides the fact that it really really breaks my heart that you have gone through that.

I dont know if I have CPTSD, but I do think that I do, because I was repeatedly sexually abused for like 2 years and i didnt tell anyone for 8 years after... and I have most of the symptoms, but whatever it is that effects me it suCKS so much. Like... I was listening to music once, than I dissociated so much that i almost went unconscious? Idk.

I have CPTSD and then physical illnesses that may or may not be a reaction that my body had to the abuse/trauma because we don't know for sure if developing chronic pain/illness years after abuse is actually because of it, so the question i ask myself every day is: Is it a flare or depression? Or anxiety? Or the nightmare? Or something I ate? Or that I went for a walk? Or something I didn't eat? Or or or???

One of my trauma related disorders is technically mental, but it manifests as seizures and sometimes blindness. It very much straddles categories of disability and illness.

I also have CPTSD and for a long time didn't give myself much grace for how much it affected me, like I would beat myself up about getting bad grades and other people would have to remind me that actually I'm doing well which is extra impressive considering I'm dealing with a lot. Anyway then I went to a mental health first aid course and we did this activity where we compared how disabling different physical and mental illnesses were (not to be like who wins, but to be like hey take mental illness seriously plz) and they said having severe PTSD is as disabling as being paraplegic. Having PTSD effects someones life/health as much as being paraplegic would, and that just shocked me to my core because like I wouldn't be rude to someone who is paraplegic for having difficulty with stairs or other physically inaccessible things, but I would get mad at myself for struggling to do things that involved my triggers. It was just a weird moment of like well shit my pain is real I should probably be kinder to myself.

You're just so powerful the universe needed to make sure it had a contingency plan

Mishearing what other people say is one of the most common ways I end up entertaining myself

@@karac.5807 That could have been an Oscar Wilde quote :'D

I am going to start calling myself comically ill, thanks for this!

@@butterscotch2730 sometimes in my head Oscar Wilde and Stephen Fry are the same person. Humour-wise I don't think I'm wrong 🤔🤔 though being American I'm sure I'm missing some of the finer nuances

🎭 dealing with anything in life....if I don't Laugh I Cry 😂🥴😭 💞🌍❤💙

I have a congenital heart defect too, diagnosed at birth. I’m glad you were able to finally get a clear diagnosis! It’s hard to find a real label. Sometimes I say birth defect, heart condition, CHD, chronic illness, etc. Hope you’re doing well💗

I have gone blind in my right eye 2 years ago, but I still don't find the courage to drive....do you really find it ok to drive?

@@anhaicapitomaking8102 I was born this way so it's different for me. Mostly it affects my depth perception so I have to wait longer than 2-eyed people to pull into traffic. I've been driving for almost 50 years and I've been fine.

@@JamieAndersonMusic good to know, I will get back to it one of these days. Also, I live in Italy and people drive very bad. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience

You're welcome. Best of luck to you

I've seen 'Neurodivergent' being used a lot more in the UK as well.

Same

In portuguese, we use neuroatypical though

In America we use the same thing. Neurodivergent label.

In Quebec they use 'personne en situation de handicap' (Person in a handicapped situation) and it's pretty vague as to who they include in that grouping. The percentage thing is or was common in Canada, I don't know if it's still the case.

As much as I love therapy and support groups for what they can do. I think you need to be careful when talking about automatically requiring people to have those things as someone who has trauma from being forced into such groups as a child. There are some very negative effects that can occur when it is not the patience desire.

I completely agree with making it available, but not mandatory. Mental health is health. Everyone can benefit from support or care around a stressful situation, and a physical health challenge is definitely a stressor, but I wouldn't force it on anyone.

@@ArtemisScribe I am very glad you found a support group that helps you. I do think that's very important. I was put into a multiple pronged program which on the surface sounds great. But in reality had a lot of problems particularly as a child who was put into an adult program. I personally found the Internet to be a better resource for how to live with my conditions then any doctor and I've had some very good ones as an adult.

@@jrdale The way I read this was not that it should be mandatory for people to go (definitely not) but that it should be mandatory for doctors to tell patients they diagnose with chronic illnesses about support groups to help 👍🏼

It's frustrating when I can go to the doctor and be fine and they don't say anything is wrong when I honestly struggle but for that moment I'm ok and they don't see it

Same boat here

It's really interesting that other people also realised that their asthma is an actual impactful chronic illness this year. Definitely makes me feel less foolish :D

@@pucklian6499 aw yeah for sure! Think this year put living with lung conditions into perspective for a lot of us who have asthma etc mildly - moderately because for the first time ever we were at high risk of something unknown due to it. TEAM WHEEZY X

@@pucklian6499 I did but then I wasn't allowed to take the vaccine earlier along with people with other comorbidities because I hadn't been hospitalsed in the last six months at the time... 🤦🏻‍♀️

The spoon metaphor is great for explaining to other people how my mental health issues affect my ability to do things, but I would never call myself a Spoonie. I feel like that term diminishes the severity and medical reality of my condition. It's not a quirky personality trait, it's a legitimate medical condition. But maybe I'm too uptight, lol.

@@nataliestanchevski4628 Agree completely. I think I don't like Spoonie because it doesnt convey the seriousness of my situation.

Yeah I use the metaphor all the time but don't call myself a spoonie. Much in the same way that I know that my being autistic heavily shapes how I experience my gender identity, but don't choose to use "autigender" which some autistic people use to describe their gender (usually boils down to ??? gender). I do say disabled because I have a variety of different things wrong which impact my daily life to an extreme degree. Or extreme to me anyway. And they've been things I've pretty much always had, just only now have names for. Some have got worse over time (dislocating joints and muscle pain associated with said joints being silly) and others have just always been there and always will. So I felt it a lot when Jessica spoke on needing different language to talk about "had and lost" and "never had, never will, may even get worse". Like so much of mental health stuff revolves around "recovery" but if your mental illness is something you are born with, how do you "recover" from it? There is managing it on a day to day basis, but a life-long thing doesn't just clear up.

I call myself a spoonie because it makes me feel connected to other people who have to ration super limited energy in a way that's really hard to understand for people who have never experienced it. I never saw it as cutesy before, since I never saw it as anything but for other spoonies who already get that it's not remotely trivial. I don't see Aspie or Enbie as cutesy either--in my brain it's just a way to say "I am like you" and nothing like the patronizing vibe I get off "handi-capable." It helps knowing that "spoonie" was coined by us spoonies, not by someone outside labeling us. In fact, I kinda like that it's opaque to anyone unfamiliar with spoon theory.

@@crosita1 a perfect example of why labeling is so difficult. It's great that you have a community of like minded Spoonies and that you get comfort from the name (I'm not being condescending, I think whatever makes a person happy and helps them deal with their situation/condition is valid.)

This makes me sad. We do too much comparing and competing and not enough including and supporting. I have a horrific chronic pain condition. Anything that recognizes that some people need to be accommodated a little differently to live a normal-ish life through no choice of their own, in my opinion, makes my life easier. It makes society more aware that someone like me might need accommodating if they have encountered someone like you before. It makes people more open to accommodating either of us if they have encountered someone with an extremely visible physical difference just living a normal-ish life, and the reverse. None of us are lesser than and we need to get rid of that thinking and recognize our similarities instead. Make being disabled in lots of ways normal, and we all have it a little easier navigating the world. So if you want permission or support to call yourself disabled, I am behind it 💯. We come in all flavors and people can just get used to it! One of us! 🤣

I hear you on the feeling of taking away from "really" disabled people. But I haven't been able to cook a meal or drive on the road for three years, so yes, while my problems are all neurological and the rest of my body is fine, this is in fact disability.

I know what you mean, I’ve got the same things as you (plus a few more) and have only started referring to myself as disabled in the last year or so. I received my fibromyalgia diagnosis nearly twenty years ago but only started really feeling truly disabled the last few years. I’ve embraced the term disabled because I was so frustrated with people offering “get well soon” wishes if I mentioned my chronic illnesses

Just because other people are also disabled or "more" disabled doesn't mean you aren't also going through a chronic illness or disability and that it is valid. They can be going through a valid struggle and that doesn't negate yours. I have fibro, arthritis, PTSD, Bipolar 2 and and TBI I use a cane to walk most days. It hurts to bend over or get out of bed, or basically do anything lol. I've been limited in what I can do in life. I call myself disabled and beautiful. And your struggles and life experiences are just as valid as mine or anyone else's.

I have spastic diplegia cerebral palsy and I recently found out I have major depressive disorder based on depression as a kid when I didn't know what it was.

Honestly I feel validated by being on SSD. I don't have to "justify" not working to randoms because I already did so to the US Government's satisfaction. And we pay into the SS system from every paycheck very specifically to have coverage for disability. So while I don't meet many people who would be jerks about it, I feel like being governmentally recognized gives me so much confidence. I studied for my disability application extensively and intensively and still feel massively fortunate that I got accepted, especially on my first try. Something like 2/3rds of people have to appeal twice before that happens. So not being on it definitely doesn't invalidate you either, but for me at least I felt it's made things easier socially, even if it's mostly just affected my internal confidence.

Don't you just despise "anti-disability" as an additional political stance right-wingers take, along with "anti-immigrant", "anti-tax", and you know how many others they like to hate on. Why don't they add "anti-elderly", I'm sure some of them will when it's the next thing they think is "OK" to rant against. They really have had their ire misdirected in America, as far as WHO is actually making people's economic lives unhappy. HINT--- It's not us.

@@argusfleibeit1165 100%!!!

Ugh I feel this so much. It's so hard here I have my hearing in a few months. I still say I'm disabled because I don't feel like telling everyone what's up with my health. And usually I walk with a cane anyway so people haven't been too bad, but I get a lot of people being mean about my age and being disabled. I'm 28 and people are so messed up over the cane. 🙄 I wish you good luck in getting disability, I'm sorry people are asshats. It would just be great if people were a little more empathetic sometimes!

That's pretty much my logic around it too!

Same, also the system in germany really goddamn sucks

My like was in support. I actually dislike what you had to go through. The government sucks.

Did you hear them yesterday? They’re going to be more “generous” now...

@@jillyfish72 Hahahahaha. What like with doing tiers and saying in tier two you can't go out anywhere in groups (like to pubs) but pubs don't have to close, then tier 3 the pubs have to close. And they're going to be "generous" and give everyone whose job is affected because they HAVE to close some money. But you're shit out of luck if you work in a pub in a tier 2 area because they weren't specifically told to close? Generous like that? This whole fiasco is well... a fiasco isn't it?

@@AlexaFaie 🙌

I watched it, having just been diagnosed myself with a bunch of invisible disabilities, and it was AWFUL. The contestants that had visible physical disabilities (eg. missing an arm, using a wheelchair) clubbed together and basically asserted that the others were faking, less disabled, didn't deserve to be there, were incapable. They expected adjustments for their disabilities, while mocking or dismissing adjustments for Jessica and the Deaf models.

@@castorj.b.1257 I started watching "Deaf U", which is a sort of a probably mildly scripted reality Netflix show about a university for deaf students. It really struck me that the students with Cochlear implants and hearing aids or those that didn't sign 100% of the time were shunned, like they weren't properly deaf.

@@lauren8627 My understanding is that, especially in the US, there's a very distinct Deaf culture, which obviously includes things like signed language (ASL in the US, BSL here for example), universities for the Deaf (like Gallaudet) etc. I think it's more common for there to be entirely Deaf schools which naturally grows a Deaf community in a particular area. Theres a lot of pride in Deafness, and I think maybe some Deaf people see people who get cochlear implants as 'selling out' or ceding the fight for disability rights in the name of an 'easy life' (which obviously it's not, but still). It's a tough debate, and since I'm not Deaf I'm not remotely capable of saying who's right and wrong. But it seems to stem from the fact that the Deaf community has a collective culture and language in a way that perhaps other disabilities don't since we mix more freely with the 'able-bodied/neurotypical' world since we share a language.

@@ambertapping7919 it's also worth noting that for centuries, hearing/abled people sought to stamp out sign language and force Deaf people to lip read and just finger-spell (this is called Oralism). There were such abusive practices at schools for the Deaf to literally beat/starve the sign out of the students. Sign language survived covertly, in secret, through pure will power and a collective fight. That history feeds into a strong pride and sense of ownership of sign language, and also a distrust of hearing people or those who seem nearer to Oralism. Of course it doesn't make prejudice towards *anyone* ok, like.. at all... but you can see where it stems from, and things that stem from fear and survival are hard to overturn.

i really like that way of looking at these terms! it makes sense to me

I feel like this is perfect and totally how I've been looking at things without even knowing it. Like I need accommodation with my Tourette's but not medical treatment and with my mental disorders and ME/CFS, I need both and this totally explains why I thought of my Tourette's in a completely separate category from my other "issues". I would also switch whether I referred to my ME/CFS as a chronic illness or a disability based on the circumstances even though I always consider it to be both and I couldn't have explained why until this comment. When I'm discussing the medical treatments that I use for my ME/CFS I usually refer to it as a chronic illness and when I'm talking about needing accommodations because of it I usually refer to it as a disability. This is so long, but this comment honestly blew my mind like it explains so much.

Exactly. Its totally down to how it affects the individual. I'm also autistic and it does disable me, but the only "medical" help I need in regards to it is getting appropriate talking therapy that takes that into consideration for helping with my mental health conditions. Which technically classes more as accessibility. Though for me, I would say that my eyesight is disabling. I have to wear glasses every day due to severe short sightedness and astigmatism (had one optician be so excited by my degree of astigmatism as she'd never seen it so severe outside of a textbook). If I knock my glasses off the bedside table when I'm reaching for them, that's it, I'm screwed unless there is someone else who can find them for me. I can't wear contacts as they don't make my prescription, my head is ridiculously tiny so I only have a very small (currently zero - yay) choice of frames I can actually wear... I can't read number plates on cars the required distance away whilst wearing my glasses so couldn't legally drive. And my eyesight is likely only going to keep on getting worse as I have family history of relatives going blind and my eyesight was more severely bad when I was a child so... Like it really does disable me because I have to be very careful what activities I do due to increased risk of detached retina. My eyes are also super sensitive to light so that heavily impacts how I'm able to interact with the environment around me. Like going into shops is HELL due to how bright everything is. So I basically don't go anywhere where I can't control the lighting of the environment around me. Basically means I don't leave the house except for very rare occasions like the special treat of going to a doctor's appointment. The only reason people don't class poor eyesight as being a disability is because glasses wearing has become so normalised, acceptable and even fashionable over the past 20 years. Growing up I was still bullied for wearing glasses because it was seen as a bad thing to need glasses (just like how lots of other disabilities get treated still). Like today its possible to buy glasses purely for fashion purposes. Honestly if people were doing that to other disability aids like wheelchairs, people would be in an uproar about it. Also fun thing is that the fashionable status of glasses has basically made it so that frame shapes change on a whim. Which means if you are like me with very particular needs (due to physical size, plus eye spacing, plus prescription) you're shit out of luck when you need a new prescription but the current fashion trend is only for larger or oversized plastic frames which just can not and do not work for me. What to me is a required disability aid has been usurped into a fashion trend which basically means I can't update my out of date prescription as they don't make the frame sizes/type I need now. Yay! But totally not a disability right?

@@quartzairmet9885 yes same ! I will say "because I'm chronically ill" when talking about for example who fatigue changes my ability to do stuff, and "because I'm disabled" when talking about complicated access to transport for example.

@@AlexaFaie I definitely get what you mean ! That's why you can't just say a diagnosis is always or is never a disability or a chronic illness. For me being short sighted is really not a disability, but because it's not very severe and I have easy access to glasses and contacts. So it's just a matter of having the medical aid I need. But I can totally imagine that in more severe forms and/or when medical care is to expensive or inaccessible it can be very disabling.

I feel this 100%

Dear lord, yes. I feel this so much.

This is completely me. EDS and POTS, and I use the word disabled because at the end of the day I don't really know much about why I've felt awful since middle school. I do know the end result is me being disabled.

I’m both chronically ill and disabled. I have insomnia as part of autism, allergies, asthma, diabetes type 2 and hypothyroidism. Oh and migraine and disc hernias in my lower back. I’m pretty sure the insomnia was a BIG contributing factor to developing diabetes in the first place. The combination of the “things” also cause me to get virus infections more easily. Honestly the list of “things” is generally longer but most of the not mentioned things is directly caused by the things mentioned and I can’t be bothered to remember all.

Andrés Fincher same. I’m still in the process of being diagnosed but EDS and arthritis seem to be key components

Chronic depression and anxiety here as well, so I understand the hesitancy. But there is something physically ‘wrong’! I know we like to take about depression just “being in your head,” but depression and other mental illnesses are linked to the brain not producing the right level and combination of chemicals. My body doesn’t naturally make enough serotonin, so I have to take medication to get it to work right. It helped me to start framing it that way- just like a diabetic needs to take insulin, I need to take medication so my brain works correctly.

@@j.sowards8429 thank you so much for your reply. I hope you’re doing okay ❤️❤️

One part is all those pseudo motivational cow excrements that downplay what depression is. But it's also that it become a part of us, somehow. We have to get used to it, so it's hard to imagine how it is to live without it. I am only recently starting to feel well with myself (well, I was before... 2020 as a whole). And that's only then I realized how much I had internalized.

I've been looking for this comment! I'm in the exact same boat as you and I've been hesitant about using "disabled" or "chronically ill" because I didn't think I deserved it or was ill enough.

@@sarahk8053 Exactly! But that's the thing with things like depression I think. My depression always likes to tell me I'm not sick enough to deserve help and I'm taking help away from peole who really need it and who have it worse than me. But I feel like that's just the nature of this mental illness.

Thank you so much!! That's such a kind thing to say ❤️

Another OCD person here! That was really funny!

Yay OCD...What fun...definitely did NOT trigger digestive problems like real quick into the pandemic for me caused by crippling anxiety and OCD. Nope. I’m fine. 😐

@@dont_harsh_my_mellow The anxiety is REAL. Sometimes just how devastating it can be is often glossed over by the focus of society to focus on the behaviors the anxiety cause. Kudos to you for making it through the day, and every day.

@@PhoebeFayRuthLouise Thank you!

@@patriciakellyadams134 Thank you! We have to have patience with our bodies and minds and learn to work with them and be kind to ourselves when we don't get things done how we wanted.

We definitely do tend toward the "legal" definition of disabled, as well as assuming that without qualifiers that means totally (can't work at all) and permanently (no indication the status will change). But even within the legal definition, there is both partial disability and temporary disability--it just relates almost entirely to your ability to WORK because our culture is so massively work-centric. But if you do run into people who think this way, as most inexperienced people will here, it could be helpful to use "partial disability" if it relates to something like workplace accommodations. It gets people thinking without needing to completely instantly reverse their world view on ableism or our cultural work productivity (personal value as human capital meritocracy problem) views to understand you in that moment.

@@crosita1 that's funny because I actually called myself "part-time disabled" before I took the plunge and realized there's no shame in being disabled. I think the stigma around it is what keeps people from identifying with it. The stigma of being lazy and wanting handouts, or the American obsession with disability is a widely abused system (when its not). I know that was hard for me since my mom is part of the 1% who did abuse the system, so its hard to seperate myself from my upbringing with that identity.

@@evelynkrull5268 Great big supportive UGH for that generational trauma. ❤️

Happy birthday for tomorrow! Hope you can still have a lot of fun ♥️

Have a happy birthday (for tomorrow) stay safe 🧡🧡

As a disabled/chronically pained person and as someone who has spent eighteen (and counting!) birthdays in pain, I can relate! Happy birthday!!! You are not alone.

Happy Birthday! (for tomorrow). I hope you have a lovely day (even if you're in bed) and I wish you all the best 💗

Hope youre able to enjoy your birthday, whatever you end up doing 😁🎉

My jaw just about hit the floor when I read what your mom asked the doctor. I'm so sorry to hear you experienced that... My mother undercut my pain relating to my disability as well, I grew tired trying to appease her when she has such a lack of true empathy. I'm decidedly not talking to her for now, to protect my own peace. I also don't want kids, probably in connection with my trauma from her but also because I don't want to have kids because I feel like I'm expected to.

I've got just two more years left before they consider me enough of an adult to be allowed to get my tubes tied if I want. Like they literally wouldn't even discuss what it might entail with me prior to turning 35. LIKE WHAT? I knew when I was a very very small child that I didn't want to have a baby of my own, I'm severely tocophobic, and I don't even want to adopt because I just can't with children (couldn't even when I was one). But its been a life full of being told "oh you'll change your mind when you grow up". My Mum said last year that she's finally "accepted" that she's never going to have grandkids. But like my brother could father children still. They'd still be her grandkids. Her lack of support on that is why I never told her about getting an abortion (long story as to why I couldn't get morning after pill, won't go into it here as its triggering both for myself and probably others). My Mum was very fond of the whole "oh but you're too young to be in pain" or just saying that "if you think that's bad wait until you're my age thing". But then she'll also downplay her own pain. It will be blatantly clear on her face that she's in pain, but she'll refuse any pain meds to help, say she's fine and just tries to ignore it. I mean it took us years to get her to stop eating things containing coriander because she "couldn't be sure it was that" which was causing her to experience rapid expulsion of bodily fluids from both ends and she didn't even like the taste of it. Guess what? She's allergic to it. And I have the same mild issues she had to begin with so stopped eating anything with it in before it became a more serious issue (plus it tastes gross) and she felt that it wasn't something I should be making a decision on so lightly. Like what? You want me to get as bad as you before treating it with the very very easy method of not eating it? When I don't even like it? ???? What are people?

@@kasmargueritecolwell7654 I also question a lot why i don't want kids.i never wanted any or to get married and it was never an obvious thing to me like to many other people that you grow up and get married and have babies. and in the beginning i thought it was because of the dysfunctional emotionally abusive family that i had or the pressure put on me as a woman or maybe because i don't like kids... but in the end i decided on that some people just don't want kids, they don't have that instinct to mother a child... but i still go back and forth on why i don't want them. I still sometime question if i didn't have the life i have lived until now and if i was free and able to be with the other half of my soul... would i want to live a "traditional" family life (married with kids in a nice quiet neighborhood where we could have evening tea in the garden)... but i can't quite imagine myself in that scenario ever...

@@AlexaFaie ikr... what is up with them thinking we owe them a grandchild? My mother likes to compare my pain and her pain all the time and always make a point of "you are so young you can't be feeling that much pain". it's really funny to me how my back pain is a joke and a drama for attention but her back pain (or any other pain she might feel) is an emergency where i have to sit and listen to how bad i hurts and give suggestions to manage it or to go to the doctor with her.

I feel like we generally lack the vocabulary or the clarity of "can we use chronically ill or disabled" with mental illness. I have chronic clinical depression and I always feel like I'm not allowed to use "disabled" or similar terms.

I relate to this so strongly. My doctor told me to do pilates/yoga to help my back pain but I've recently realised no matter how much of that I do, I'll still need to take painkillers regularly. And when I started having stomach problems the people around me immediately assumed the painkillers were the cause... Nope, I just have a separate stomach issue. No-one should be judged for taking the medication they need.

@@elexneonabingdon why is it always yoga or pilates suggested? It's almost infuriating how often its talks about like it will cure everything

I’m not on pain killers, but I get the diet and vitamin thing all the time. Like that’s not going to help the fact that part of my body doesn’t produce the hormone it’s supposed to or the fact that my brain doesn’t effectively produce certain neurotransmitters. I do feel like yoga did help with my muscle issues, but it definitely isn’t a pain cure all.

Nearly certain I’m also a borderline, so good luck getting to know yourself faster than you change parts of it.

I have A BIG problem mainly with terms such as differently abled as they sound a lot like euphemisms that mask the seriousness of disability and play it down a lot. Most disabled people very much will want to opt out of being called differently abled in fear of it implying that their conditions aren’t all that bad and it also puts the burden on them to also then have different abilities when many aren’t exceptional at anything in particular or have something else to make up for their disability.

@@dont_harsh_my_mellow I absolutely agree with you, that is a very good point. This shows why I was hesitant to label my thoughts as definitive - the subject of disability is very complex, and one major issue is the absolute need of many individuals to have certain accommodations. I myself am struggling because doctors haven't been able to label some of my chronic conditions, which makes it impossible to get all the accommodations I need. Using the label 'differently-abled' would certainly not help with that. Thank you for bringing that up!

Hello! I'm legally blind and I've found taking the social model of disability into consideration versus the medical model of disability to be able to tackle the "issues" the "differently abled" label is trying to do. Lots of disabled people HATE differently abled, for a plethora of reasons I won't go into, but in essence the social model of disability states that those who are disabled are disabled by lack of accessibility and the typical bodied focused society, not solely by a medical condition or diagnosis. Though if you're studying disability I imagine this has come up before, just my 2 cents.

@@mamber4100 very good points. When I delve into this topic in my studies these sorts of nuances come up frequently, although my focus is not just on disability. The lens one uses to examine disability and the context in which the term is invoked seems to matter greatly when it comes to which terms are considered most appropriate.

She's gone back to Spain with her new wife. There are some lovely pictures on Jessica's Instagram 🙂

@@ElementalWhispers omg that’s awesome! Congratulations to the happy couple!

I have to agree with you! I absolutely love and support Jessica but I'm a little concerned by this sponsor. Supplements can be essential when you are deficient in something, but only testing by a medical professional can tell you what you need. The danger of this quiz is that in the worst case it will cause people take supplements to 'treat' symptoms that may actually require a different medical treatment, and in the best case they will end up with very expensive pee!

You CAN choose your own!

@@aliced-j9576 Yes! A few youtubers I follow have been sponsored by them lately (mostly channels about disability or sustainability) and I just do not trust any company selling me supplements to know what I actually need.

As Mia already said above, you can pick your own, according to advice from a professional if you wish, which is great. To add to that though, I agree that going to a doctor to find out if and what you should take is absolutely the ideal case, but there can be lots of barriers to accessing that kind of care. In those cases I'd say doing a quiz of this kind is better than what many would otherwise do, just taking something fairly randomly in the hope it would be good for them. You're going to be more likely to get something that suits your needs and deficiencies this way, and it's a lot quicker and more accessible as a quiz than individually gathering all that information.

Hi there! These delivery systems can be set up my chemists (pharmacists) based on prescription from your actual doctor! Talk to your doctor 😊

Fellow cfs person here-had some similar feelings about aids/asking for accommodations, but I eventually came to the conclusion that, if I tried it and it would help, things already had changed. Like, the only difference was me noticing.

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