I so feel you about living in a place with no community. I myself live in rural Japan and have had to work SO hard to make friends and yeah, it was pretty freaking embarrassing at times! I had to gaslight myself a lot honestly. I stepped out of my comfort zone more times than I can imagine this past year and I'm finally, finally seeing the results. To everyone afraid of the embarrassment, I promise it gets better and you will see the rewards.

my body tells me im embarassed when i have to assert myself even if im in the right. and I have to sit with that discomfort!

The irony is Seattle is used to weird things so you can get away with wearing a visor but people may look twice if you're super dressed up.

I’m on a 1.5 year streak of embarrassing myself publicly every day

I’ve never left a comment on a KZfaq video before. This is a 1 on the embarrassment hierarchy for me. So here I go 😁 I’ve been watching your videos on both of your channels for a while now. I admire you and I want to let you know that you come across as a very brave and determined person! 😊 Best of luck with all your future endeavours!

Hello Dr., I entered college again at 25, and I was talking one day with a freshman friend. He was kinda (and I don’t mean to insult) awkward, dorky, nerdy; but he was a good person. Well, he needed some encouragement cuz he couldn’t imagine a girl liking him back haha. I admitted to him I had some social anxiety, and he said “WAT? You seem so confident!” I replied “look, bro… everyone here is nervous, everyone is worried, everyone is anxious, everyone is guarding themself from embarrassment, everyone is just as scared as you- they might just be better at hiding it. You’re pretty awesome, though you keep acting and believing you’re not.” I think that we can all benefit from being easier on ourselves and more empathetic with one another. Cuz most people are pretty awesome in many ways, even if they don’t realize it yet. Sometimes the only thing someone needs is to believe that they can do the thing, or have someone encourage them. And that’s what your video made me think about 😊

i somewhat relieved my fear of embarrassment after realizing i had gained an irrational expectation of criticism due to my brother berating me at every circumstance growing up. also, focusing on the person im talking to and trying to be a better listener showed me that people aren’t very cruel and like you said, if it appears that they seem to dislike me despite me not doing anything to hurt them, i remind myself that it’s not about me. also, i just discovered your channel and i love what you do! i value your honesty and dedication to the quality of information you deliver so thank you!

Hi Dr. Ana! I am a future Masters student in Counseling and I just want to say thank you for posting this. I had a false belief that in order for me to succeed in this field, my skills in communication or social skills had to be perfect or near perfect across the board. It’s good to see someone who is at the top of their profession deal with some of the things I struggle with. Gives me an extra boost to keep going. P.S: I love this idea and I want to implement it in my own life. Going to do something similar by starting to say good morning to everyone I walk by on morning walks. Wish me luck!

I loved this video. You strike me as a very confident lady and the fact you have these types of thoughts/worries surprised me- especially with all the knowledge you have about human behavior… thank you for reminding us all we can be both confident and have irrational fears.

1:30 The idiom you're looking for is "letting the chips fall where they may" 😊

Your soothing voice, incredible intellect, and maturity, combined with the fact that you're embarrassed by the same things I am, make you truly amazing! I hope to encounter someone as remarkable as you at least once in my life. Wishing you all the best in everything you pursue!

Taking improv and acting classes really helped me come out of my shell. :)

“Let me do as many embarrassing things and possible and let’s see what happens.” 🤣🙃love it!! It seems like you’re pretty daring already going in camera every week and presenting your ideas to the world! Keep up the good work!

I love this, awesome to see a person in the psychological sciences trying to better themselves by pushing their boundaries and blunt unhealthy dimensions of their mind

I'm autistic and have been through a ton of bullying since I was a kid. My family didn't even know what autism was for the longest time, so it took ages to get diagnosed. I've pretty much lived in my bedroom most of my life because I'm terrified of interacting with strangers. But man, do I crave those experiences outside these four walls... Just the thought of socializing makes my brain go into full panic mode, expecting the worst. However, seeing others struggle with similar fears of being judged has given me some hope to face it all anyway. (I'm sorry for the broken english, not my first language)

This is a good reminder to me: sometimes, when you do something embarrassing, you're actually helping to literally make the world a better place--by doing your small part to normalize a healthy behavior. I think I'll always struggle with being unsure if strangers mean me harm, though. Too many bad experiences. "Probably" they won't hurt me doesn't feel good enough and I wish I knew how to deal with that.

Making eye contact with people was a game changer for me. Mind you I keep smiley eyes when I do it. The interaction always turns out blissful even if it was like 3 seconds long. 😊

“Letting the chips fall as they may!” As an introvert that’s struggled with shyness in the past, I totally understand that desire to overcome it. I actually pushed myself to sing in front of people and eventually did in front of an audience of 250 people. I applaud you for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s definitely something that needs to be maintained or practiced. I’ve been more isolated lately & feeling a little more vulnerable than I did a few years ago.

theres one thing that i think is important when saying hello, which is to make sure to smile! it makes a huge difference

You've really inspired me. There was a point in my life that I did whatever I wanted in reason and didn't not care how I was perceived. I think watching more influencers and youtubers and seeing the nasty comments made toward them made me feel very self-conscious. It was hard seeing the meanest things people think of others verbalized. I think it's time I start embarrassing myself, too. I think it's time I start doing what others dare not to do and can only criticize. Man in the Arena!!

This is awesome. 8-10 weeks ago i committed to greeting everyone i walk/run past even if they didn’t greet back and the first few times made me cringe. I felt like i wanted to crawl out of my own skin after not getting a simple “hi” back. Some days i felt like quitting because I’d greet 20-30 people in a day and only 2 would greet back 😂 I don’t know when the shift happened exactly, but now i can comfortably have superficial and casual conversations with a lot less of that nervous energy. I actually get excited to talk to strangers now because of how interesting people actually are. I’m looking forward to the next stage of this journey that started with the smallest baby step: Greet as many people as you walk past, for as long as you can do it. Don’t worry about anything more than that. Thanks Dr. Ana

There’s this thing called ‘rejection therapy’ where you intentionally do things out of your comfort zone in order to help anxiety or being rejected. And basically you just put yourself in situations to get rejected/look embarrassing. Eg. Laying on the sidewalk on a mat for 10 minutes or asking a server if you can get a drink for free

For KZfaq live, you could do a casual AMA with your cat. Another fun idea is doing some form of writing with the audience (because you like writing), whether that is just doing MadLibs and asking the audience for nouns and verbs etc, or just do some straight up creative writing with them.

I love this so much, Ana! Some years ago, I've did similar exercises to deal with social anxiety too. For example, asking people for directions. I've also been a member of a Toastmasters club (where you can learn and practice public speaking skills.) What I've learned from that experience is that it helped me become less anxious in some circumstances (not always, though.) But most importantly, I've learned to not let my anxiety stop me from doing things.

Yes! 🙌🏽 Great self-work and progress! Right on! I totally relate to having tried to make friends in the PNW (having many long time close relationships with buddies living elsewhere), despite doing a great job at trying. Most of those close friends made here were through research scholars program or undergrad cohort or shared values and world orientation via studies and a shared language of psych and moved away for psych doctoral programs. I’m anticipating remaining in the WA/ OR region through my own clin psych doc program and nervous a bit about moving further north to Seattle due to the increased “Nordic” social challenge, AKA the “Seattle freeze”. I really get a lot from your videos and share/post them and discuss with friends on social media, and wanted to let you know that. I’d be down to meet for a warm beverage and conversation with you! You seem like someone I’d vibe a friendship with! Keep at it!

I lead with trusting people and if they hurt me so be it.

I don't get embarrassed as much anymore, but I do struggle with fearing being perceived as a threat on my walks as I am a guy. Doesn't stop me and my feelings have gotten better overtime, but there is a reasonable amount of truth about others caring about their safety. I purposely try and not distance myself from others on my walks and choose opposite directions when I notice women. I don't like having that sort of fear/shame just for my gender, although it is rational overall. Just thought it about it because of the visor challenge. Anyways good luck on continuing the mission!

luckily i dissociate when i do something that might end in embarrassment

i just want to say that you’re SO BRAVE for this!!! i can’t imagine it was easy but you slayed it so hard and inspired me to face my own fears

ive been trying to break away from shame too!!! this is so inspiring thank youu for this 💞💞

I live in a place where its customary to say hi to every person passed on trails or hikes. To this day I avoid busy trails because it really interupts my thinking and my enjoyment of the walk to have to say hi and smile every ten seconds. I mostly got over the awkwardness of it a long time ago, but you have to read every person and attempt to make eye contact with every person to see if they are the type to say hi, or just a wave, or if they are at least pretending to be laser focused on their path to spare both of you the forced social exchange.. also I find that the line for what situations are appropriate to say hello to people is fine. Enter a rural neighborhood? Wave to pretty much everyone you pass. City neighborhood? People would think you are "special" for waving when you pass. I've been in work environments where it was hard to figure out who to say hi to. Socializing is a funny thing. Thank you for all your thoughtful content, great channel!

Letting the chips fall where they may.

You absolutely can overcome this. I have a crippling fear of embarrassing myself but had to get over it real quick when I became the lead singer of a band that performs live

I love this! I’m very happy for you. Returning to the outside world after spending a few years as a homebound agoraphobic was VERY challenging. In the beginning the panic attacks were inevitable. I’d try to dampen down my anxious ticks and all other outward signs that inside I was in emotional hell. Most of the time I don’t think people noticed. But sometimes people did and I would get some weird/concerned looks once in a while. It was mortifying and these experiences nearly derailed my progress numerous times. But I decided to celebrate the fact that in spite of any negative outcome or perceived judgements I was doing something for myself that was truly brave and loving. While also being conscious of the fact that SO MANY people struggle with similar fears. I’m still very much a work in progress but my world has gotten much larger. Willing to go out there and risk being a bit cringe (being human), is pretty cool in my book!

I loved this video so much, and respect you for presenting yourself authentically online. I think a lot of people wouldn’t admit to having these anxieties which we are all dealing with on some level, and I believe we need more people to be open about them in order to grow in the face of them. I also struggle with social anxiety and have been taking steps to do things I never would have 5 years ago like dance all night at weddings or to go to hobbies that require extended social interaction. I really admire you Ana and love your videos. They really do make me feel seen.:)

It’s awesome that you are confronting your fears and leading by example.

This video is so helpful, I relate a lot to your experience and knowing that other people have this experience makes me feel more “normal” or “valid” in my experience. I also like the reframing of embarrassment as a positive rather than something to be afraid of.

Wow. I found this video really inspiring. Thank you for posting this.

Proud of you!!! Getting out of your comfort zone is such a healthy and authentic way to live life. Keep growing!

I've grown this ideology of "i basically don't give a f what people think, I'm going to say the truth" after being heavily censored online.

I relate alot to this. I genuinely feel like sometimes when I put myself out there and experience an uncomfortable response and reaction and I fly into rumination. I'm so happy for you and proud of you

This is actually very wholesome!! Great to see you be more personal with your audience

You are so inspiring! I've been meaning to let myself be vulnerable in a positive way, and i feel like allowing embarassment is a necessary step

Oh my you sound so much more engaging and self confident when you stand up straight 😃 I love your self experimenting. Also, a KZfaq-live would be so cool. Maybe some kind of a discussion on a particular topic (a more concrete psychological topic or books or movies or being a multicultural person). Thanks! Greetings from Bulgaria

We need a dr. Ana eyeliner tutorial

So good! Thanks you 💖

This video was so relatable it felt like i was watching my own video diary. A mirror reflection. Thank you for sharing❤️

OMG as a russian I can say your "здравствуйте" was so cute if someone said that to me this way in the morning it would made my whole day. But I whatch your videos almost every day during breakfast so you do this anyway 🥰 Thank you for being real

This is so inspiring! Thank you for sharing your embarrassment journey!

I’m so proud of you girly ❤

all very relatable. my anxiety has gotten so bad in the past that it made me believe i was genuinely socially incompetent or sociopathic even, but actually with the people i trust i'm like the opposite and am actually quite a social person who enjoys spending time with people and talking for hours upon hours. i just never seem to find that same groove or back and forth with many people, and i don't know how to break past that a lot of the time. that combined with constant self-doubt and self-hatred makes me always assume the worst, and puts my entire nervous system on edge when i'm around people. as of the past few years i've managed to finally overcome the anxiety a bit more, and i feel more comfortable talking to strangers. mind you i still don't do it all that often cause it's just not really in my nature, but at least i don't lock up with anxiety whenever i have to ask the slightest thing or spend some time with someone i don't know very well. it's all about keeping the anxiety at bay and keeping a clear head. cause really it only gets really embarrassing for me when i can't think straight because i'm so anxious, and i keep thinking the other person must think i'm stupid or drunk or just weird, when inside that's not how i feel at all. it's difficult, i certainly have some sensory abnormalities that make certain things hard to do, but if i can just control the anxiety that comes with it, it's actually quite doable a lot of the time. people have always been talking about missed potential, or that i'm underperforming and if i just did this or that i could be so much more. that's probably true, but i also don't feel like putting myself through endless discomfort just to be able to say i work at this or that company and i'm doing this on the side and that in my spare time. i'm certainly willing to break out of my comfort zone, but i should do it for my own reasons, and not just to fit in with others more

This is a great video idea and i hope this one starts a trend for other socially anxious folks who want to try to grow! I relate a lot to your experiences since I'm also from the Seattle area.

I’m surprised to hear you talk about your own shortcomings because I look up to you so much. Very cool to see you being vulnerable. I really want to start a KZfaq channel but I’m still stuck on my fear of embarrassment.

Never heard of rhis type of sun visor before and now I'm buying one for hiking. Love it!!!

This is pretty inspiring doctor. The part where you slightly overdressed resonated with me, because I've wanted to do that before going out with friends, and I regret it last minute and change into something a lot more casual. I should try it again

i love how real you are in this video

I have the same problem, it started when I was a child and got worse with time, I'm terrified of speaking to people, even one to one. My OCD has to do with it too, making me constantly question what I say/how I say it, specially if I'm speaking English, my second language. I'm also tired of living this way, always second-guessing myself and being scared of how people are gonna react.

I need to start doing this again! I used to make a conscious effort to do things that I KNEW I'd be awful at. It helped my confidence a lot, but since my autism diagnosis I am so in my head all the time that it feels like I'm in a glass box every time I try to socialise. Thanks for reminding me that baby steps + baby steps + baby steps = huge progress!

Hi Ana, Loved the content. More people should do this kind of content. It gives others the courage and confidence the outside world is not so scary. I love watching videos of people that do this because it shows it doesn’t matter what others think. Don’t take things personally and if do then step back. I usually reflect on myself and ask why did it bother me if I took it personally. Other people’s reactions are based on beliefs, projections and thoughts on oneself.

Ohhh boy where do I even start 😂 Social anxiety is perhaps the #1 thing I struggle with since very early on. I experienced shame and being laughed at and rejected as a kid and the fear of making a fool out of myself is real. I really like singing. I’m not so much of a good singer myself but I do really enjoy it. But I would cry and get all sweaty palmed and nervous when doing so in front of others. Last year, at a friend’s birthday I was kind of forced to sing and it was as if they knew how bad my fear was and all my friends sang with me. It make me feel like it wasn’t so bad at all. Another thing would be dancing. I was not allowed to dance ever when I was growing up but again, I always wanted to dance merengue, bachata, salsa. Now as an adult, people invite my to dance and I have actually done it very few times and it doesn’t feel bad at all (quite on the contrary, so much fun) but I do feel the mental block. I feel almost stiff when I do so even though I WANT to let go. Again. It is a struggle I have stopped myself from doing so many things including the one’s mentioned above out of fear of being judged or receiving disapproval. It is quite a struggle

i love everything about this video 💝

Loved this video & love learning more about you personally 🫶

I love your videos and listening to what you have to say. I can always learn something new from them.

A really insighful video ❤❤❤ you have my support !!

I was so afraid of going live on twitch, I’m a new trance Dj and I live stream on twitch I faced my fears going live and showing my face. I love it now, I feel so free. I hope you go live on KZfaq soon. You also made me realized I’ve been challenging myself without even knowing based on your challenges you faced. That’s awesome, I’m going to keep embarrassing myself more, it is freeing. 🙌🏽

Absolutely spot on video. Going through both high school and college, constantly overly conscious of my perceived self, absolutely neuters your ability to be authentic and be comfortable with yourself in public. I do know that with someone I'm socially comfortable around, it's like a 180 and all masks are dropped. It's weird but I've known about it for years. Maybe someone else can relate or better yet, has figured out a way to use that kind of phenomena to help.

This is a great video. When it comes to dressing nicely in a culture where people are very casual sometimes people look at us not because they are judging, but because we look really good. I get it though, it can feel uncomfortable to be noticed. The only thing I would say is that there are a lot of different sunscreens out there and it's not accurate that sunscreen inherently has 'toxic' chemicals in it.

I have some level of social anxiety, and in the past I used to have a level of anxiety so high that I couldn't turn my head without like shaking like at a small interval, it was pretty bad. now with being mindful about and just simply observing how I am feeling when I am anxious really helps I eat at restaurants alone a lot and I always feel like people find me awkward because I eat alone or because when I am nervous I still like shake a tiny bit uncontrollably. I found your experience with embarrassment relatable however in my specific case, I am actually really fine with public speaking and presenting and I've always was really fine with that. what I am not really fine with are casual interactions with people who I don't feel comfortable being authentic with and I am not comfortable making the first step when meeting people. I feel very awkward in those situations because I have this unique thing where I am completely oblivious about the world, about what's known, what isn't. I've been told I have been living under a rock my entire life by endless people and whilst I won't change what I know to accommodate (mostly because I don't think there's a standard edition for being an average person). if you ever felt like you are not focusing on your own stuff enough and you are doom scrolling or spending time on social media you feel like it's useless, well, you have something I don't have, which is the ability to engage with people who do those things. I have to jump through hoops to get something that everyone else takes for granted. I don't think I can adjust by this as I've tried a lot and nothing worked since I am here

You've made me realize that I've been on a similar journey for the past couple years but also that I still have a lot of work to do. Also if I may suggest a topic for a livestream, you could turn it into a lighthearted Q&A. I think if you advertise it as such, people won't go all out asking for therapy.

I've never been that vulnerable on the internet before but i just want to say this. Today i gave a presentation in my english class , and even though it wasn't all that perfect and i wasn't all that relaxed and in my element, i feel like I'm really happy and proud of myself for making it through and for putting myself out there.

Loving this so much.

Thank you for talking about this topic! Social interactions specifically is something I struggle a lot with, and sometimes people miss interpret it as being careless or cold which I'm not. Sometimes the other side feels impossible, so I been pushing myself towards random goals that I felt as unattainable due to the discomfort they caused, or to the things i might get exposed. The results so far have been great, and though I get tired sometimes of too much pushing, I always can try the next day And this is something that I just wanted to express lol, I don't normally talk about what's going through my head so I guess that's another step😅

This was great! Inspiring AF!!

Let's go! I shaved my head a month ago to overcome a fear of hair loss and social anxiety! Exposure ftw! Edit: Slay! Dress the way you wanna dress queen!

This video got me to turn on notifications 😭KZfaq put this in my notifications and it was one of the best things they've done!

I love this. The saying hello is a great thing to do. It's common in small towns. I used to really dress up when I was younger and I loved it. These days I can't be bothered to the same level, but I'm at the stage where I want to find a new version of me and exhibit that dressy side again :)

You’re awesome, you just motivated me to go to the gym although I’m super embarrassed cause I’m not fit

Re: KZfaq live, you may want to do what my youngest does -- he enlisted people who were willing to monitor/moderate the chat so ensure that trolls/toxic behavior were controlled.

This was wholesome. Just started my own journey too for similar reasons. If I can give some advice about the live and the outdoors blog, I say what De Niro did in that movie with Zac Efron (paraphrasing) "sometimes you gotta take the first punch, then the rest becomes easier". Keep going, wish you luck

This is all kinds of inspiring. I love dressing up without any particular occasion to do so as well, it's my comfort zone, it makes me feel I'm putting my best foot forward. And if you don't mind my saying so, those outfits were fire and you looked fabulous! Small wonder you like dressing up, you shine when you do. According to a lot of dermatologists I trust who are very aware of the studies that claim sunscreen contains carcinogens, sunscreen is entirely safe and those studies are made by people who want to profit off of the alarm such studies cause, and have been shown to be vacuous. But I get that a study is still a study and we all make that call of who to trust differently. Also, I love that you left your forgetting "the chips fall how they may" idiom in the video, that was very on theme. I hope you start saying "yes" to more interviews and podcasts and go on other channels, I love seeing conversations with my favorite KZfaqrs! As a neuordivergent, self-diaognosed autisitic person, I feel I go back and forth between caring too much about what people think socially, and never saying or doing anything I fear won't be received well, and deciding to take a risk, sometimes slightly too much of a risk. So seeing this example of how to have a healthy middle ground was helpful. I look forward to the interview you did indeed agree to do. Congratulations on all of these little, and some not-so-little, accomplishments! Cheers.

Awesome message❤

This is such a useful video 👌

I first found you in your long distance relationship video! You're so insightful and give off such good energy. Would love to be your friend if I ever make my way to seattle!

So interesting. I started wearing really cool face masks for a year before the pandemic started. My daughter loved to wear hers while we were out she thought it was so fashion forward. We would go buy really dope face masks for 75 cents in KTown (Flushing, Queens) This reminds me of you and your visor. Girl, how much you wanna bet it will be in vogue in less than 5 years? Wear it! It looks cool and just like the face mask for me, i bet the visor gives you a sense of privacy almost while outdoors which even as "an extrovert" i really loved and really really miss. Wear your visor everyday for a week. You got this

Great video! I'm going to try this challenge!!

I love this! Xx

i feel the opposite about speaking in person / online! i’m very spontaneous and chatty in person but i have a lot of body anxiety in front of the camera. unfortunately i switched from theatre to TV (context: i’m an actor by profession) because of demand & 💰 and have been retreating into myself because of anxiety. i challenged myself to make some youtube videos to get comfortable being myself in front of the camera but recently i took a break and can’t seem to go back to doing it! this was a good push for me. Thank you Ana x

You should do an interview with Dr Kirk Honda!! You two are my favourite, and I could listen to you both for hours 💗

Ah yes we must hide from the source that gives life to everything

thanks for introducing me to INNA! never heard of her and I'm enjoying the music

really cool video!, waiting for the other challenges soon!

You're much more likely to get cancer from skipping SPF than from benzene contamination in SPF. The amount of benzene that occasionally contaminates SPF is neglible.

Feeling overexposed in public is very relatable. I think people's experience in school has a lot to do with feeling like everyone is judging you all the time. It's just about the only place where that is actually true.

You have a beautiful complexion! Keep wearing your visor to protect it! Though i admit ive never seen one of those before 😅😅😅

New adventure! 😊

Crazy that my sense of social anxiety and fear of being seen/percieved is very similar and some items on my hierarchy would also be similar like just saying hello or wearing certain clothes

I felt the visor thing using a parasol (sunbrella is what I like to say) in los angeles and I felt so out of place until one day I saw a little old lady with one too

such a cool mission, I want to do that, too !

Considering I’ve been shunned after leaving a cult, I’m currently trying to not have a trama attack when someone doesn’t say hello back. It’s been really hard but great practice! I enjoy you!

Good Job Ana! Very cool challenge. 🎉 I wondered if my own public reticence came from early experience being embarrassed 😳 then abandoned rather than protected. I try to protect myself now. If someone heckles me in conversation I call them on it. I used to blush 😊 mean people took pleasure in my discomfort. I now say Wow, Why would you try to embarrass me? Then everyone looks at them! 😮