And if we sent this video to a narcissist they would probably be proud that they think like this.

@@thekrrib they would deny it all. And say that's not them is you.

This is so true

@@MattSandoz Yes they would never agree that they have a problem.. rather they say we are the oversensitive and overreacting ones

priyanka Precisely. If o hear the word overreact one more time I’ll puke.

😂

Yep. They emanate toxicity

😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂 Bam!!!! Good one!!!!

😆😂

Very true and a hilarious comment!

So true.

Omg, yes!!! Yes, this is so true! It takes your breath away how they twist the truth or reality...

Very yrue

@Krista Awesome I forgot I even posted this. I think you're just thinking too much into it. It's a comment lol

@Krista Awesome I'm not gonna read your comment because you just came here to argue. Have a nice rant :)

Yes. My soon to be ex wife is NPD for sure.

Jasmine Hetherington - EXACTLY!! If I get ANY positive attention, my husband will make me suffer, punish me. He’ll pout...It’s sad because I grew up with this nonsense, and then went ahead and married someone just like them, except he’s covert.

*Jasmine Hetherington:* How do you even KNOW that's what they are, when their lies are so convincing, and you trust them, and think they're good people, because that's what they project to the world?! My narc used to be a good friend of my late husband and his family - so I trusted him TOTALLY, and mistakenly thought, because of his association with them, he MUST be a good person! I didn't realize what my narc was until 23 years later, when he just packed up, without my knowledge - no discussion, no clues of any kind, and left me SUDDENLY (and left me with a $5,000+ credit card bill!!)!! We had been at my daughter and son-in-law's place babysitting our 5-yr. old grandson, and meanwhile he had a pair of fools he knows, move all his stuff out of our house, into a $1,500/mth apartment, after telling me all summer that we "couldn't afford" things!! I have no idea how much of what he told me over the past 23 years is true, but I have a feeling, probably NONE of it - he gave me a sob story about his ex-wife, and what a controlling monster she was, and that's why he left her and their 2 children!! Of course I believed every word he said, and felt sorry for him!! There's just NO WAY to tell who and what these monsters are, until it's far TOO LATE!!

Exactly, stole my identity and life!!!!!!!!!!!

Blablabla

you are not crazy. if you are then so am i

I'm doing the same thing. Watching these videos as many as I can daily!

Same

Good idea! I will try and do the same.

Smart.

I've now gone NO CONTACT. I've been discarded due to dedication to my daughters and grandkids. He HAS NO CHILDREN. I feel like I lost but I'm worth better treatment

Thank YOU!!!! spot on

All roads with narcissist parents lead to no contact.

It's the ONLY way!!!!!

Yes, you are.

Very true. Dr. C

Humans are not predictable - animals and robots are.

I doubt that a Narc will tell You about their "past behavior"...

Cecilia Allen well said.

People who believe them, elect them and we all suffer. How about you run for president 😄

You are sooooo right.

I choose to no longer play, I prefer to observe and life is so much nicer.

Amen!!

Thank you. You're why I'm doing this! Dr. C

I am thankful too. I am currently dealing with mother and son. Their mistakes had scaled to major consequences. Pray for me

I actually thought you had hidden cameras in my house. I never knew my x fiancee was a Narcissist I've moved on a few days ago and it hurts. But your videos, which I found by accident, had helped me Instagram's not only am I losing the battle by being angry and emotional. I noticed her whole family is narcissist. Their mom the sisters the children. I did not know what the problem was until you taught me through you're videos. Is such a relief because I was a walking wreck trying to figure out why is she all of a sudden so different and blaming me for her life's mistakes

Cognitive dissonance will do that to you.

@@conycortescony2823 I totally understand you. My ex spouse and x MIL and his siblings are the same, narcissistic, bipolar, and anger issues. Him and His mother are like being married. Very sick and the same time very sad and heartbreaking that lives you with a deep broken heart, like dead...

Bout slow is a snail....if they in they 40s they act like they 20 ..constantly having to say grow up...I had 2🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃 away. Called cops on my self so mad one day..

This gonna sound weird but I think narcissists lack a sense of self so they end up taking things from everyone to build a personality and interests to seem charming and fulfilled to maintain their supply.

They are walking vessels of TOXIC SHAME. They hate their true selves so they create a false self and force everyone else into their supporting that false self, at your expense.

Lola they are so busy pointing the finger at others which keeps them from ever taking ownership of their own actions and growing from their mistakes or as I say their learning experiences.

They often give the truth away in their body language, tones and expressions when responding specially when in it's done in a defensive manner

Haha for real. I spent COUNTLESS hours listening to her problems being her "emotional support" 4 months into the relationship I finally told her something that was bothering ME ONE TIME, and I wasn't having a good day. She litterally called me a coward, control freak, and said I was "TORCHERING" her all day. She ACTUALLY felt Torchered by three seconds of something that had nothing to do with HER, compared to months of being there and listening to her problems.. Lmao then she blocked me for three days.. unblocked me and called me an asshole. Anyone that knows me knows im a pretty selfless person. Would do anything for anyone. This woman projected everything she was doing and blamed me for it. Lied, cheated, manipulated, pretended to be in love for months and months, then I got discarded. Long brutal story short. I could write a book on this woman. I also had people stop talking to me recently...I'm sure she's gotten ahold of them by now. God only knows what crap make believe lies she's telling everyone. probably how I touched her kids or raped her or something lol. I WOULD NOT put it past her. Last message I got from her was how I have a mental illness and she needs to keep her family safe 😂 and how it was "just a vunerable time in her life and gave me all her attention" lol wow does she mean how I GAVE HER ALL MY attention? She couldn't even handle a single moment of ME having a bad day.LITTERALLY. then when I left her cause of the lying and cheating she said "I've been trying to express to you my NEEDS" LOL WOOOOOW. you can never fullfil their needs...and can't even tell them about something that's happened to you..they will laugh and always believe they've been through more in life. She litterally laughed when I explained one thing about MY past

quantum love oh my GOSH SO DAM Similar!!! This is crazy!!!!!!

@@quantumlove5998 OP

I experienced this, too many times ! I promise you,I did nothing to provoke and yet, it went completely off the rails!!! Friggin terrifying!!!..

That's my mom 100% She could rant about her stuff 24/7. Had zero patience for other people's problems, including her kids. A terrible listener, to put it mildly.

You described it perfectly... Their willfully obtuse nonsense that’s designed to confuse you. It is so hard to accept the harsh reality that no amount of facts or reasons will ever be enough. It doesn’t matter how clearly, calmly and patiently you explain yourself. They don’t care and there’s no desire to understand your feelings. It’s exhausting.

Trying to get a narc to understand what compassion is or basic humanity ... I was not successful. Mission fail... fall back... further, hopefully out of sight, out of range. I moved across the country to change my circumstances & toxic cycle with one. I'm super grateful to regain my sense of self-respect. Now that he can't show up drunk at my door at 4am ...or show up where I go with friends, ..i'm free of it. It really was a nightmare.

Yeah they live in a different world, it’s called heaven to them and they are the god ruling their heaven.

I’m sorry. We’re just shit human beings honestly, I was lucky to have my eyes opened by a friend, but that won’t happen for most. For me it took becoming a total zero and seeing how I started to treat my friends who I didn’t respect to see who I was more clearly. Anyway, I’d ask narcs to imagine themselves from the outside. If they can do that -or maybe record them-then it will force them so see the reality of who they are and how they’re behaving.

troll123 yes.. Its the arrogance they regard such efforts with that really hits that fail button, imo

You're not alone Sis!

Exactly what I've been trying to describe to people in one simple sweet sentence. I'm using it, thanks!

oh god, and how long it takes to get over !

No one truly understands until they’ve been there.

@@micaelam4127 no one.

Inga Hicks I’ll watch out for that auto-deflect in future, thanks 🙏🏻

The only time they ever apologize or admit they were wrong is if not to do so would destroy their (false) image!

So hard when it’s your family, which is otherwise relatively healthy aside from the narcissist. My mom has poisoned the barrel. To free myself from her meant risking all the healthy apples. Wishing you and your healthy apples a happy holiday season!

So very well said. Thank you. It's hard to find people who are not swayed by the narcissist's lies.

The weak minions are the only ones following along with the narc. NO BIG LOSS THERE REALLY. We are waaaayyy better off without 'em!

I loved this. One time I met a mutual acquaintance of a narcissist in my life, and the acquaintance was surprised when she realized who I was, because she liked me and was surprised at that based on things the narcissist had told her about me. HA!

@Tewdy Quew Definitely, but if you can get a few people on your side who are willing to admit to what the narc is doing and then catch them in the act yourself (preferably through written correspondence) this behavior can definitely be taken to H.R. It is a form of harassment because they are creating a hostile work environment for the individual. Usually it is someone they feel threatened by.

Vivian Vennicia problem is they do it secretly and covertly, upsetting us but no one else sees their behavior and if we say something then we look like the crazy one. God will handle it, we can trust Him

@@shellymichelle2719 there are ways to trip them up and out them. It just isn't wise to do so. Lesson learned.

@@shellymichelle2719 he can be trusted in all things

Thank you, Ted. Dr. C

Found you a couple weeks ago...it's like I e been living in a dark forest and painful hell for 11yrs trying to figure out WTH is going on......the terrain is still the same, but the sun is out and the fog has cleared and I can see and I'm not emotionally stumbling into trees and thornbushes any more. I can more easily avoid what he throws at me, and shield myself mentally. Thank you! It's only been a week, but I'm feeling so much better internally! You are truly a gift!

@@SurvivingNarcissism In 2011, before I had a laptop to look things up, I asked an acquaintance who was married to a "counselor" to ask them for me if there was a proper term for someone who was a bully, someone who picked on people. They later replied saying their spouse knew of no such psychological term. Why have "counselors" been ignorant on this subject for so long? For years people went for counseling and got no help at all. There were labels such as "co-dependent" but they had no term or label to describe bullies/narcissists. If the "experts" don't know a thing, they aren't experts at all. Many of us have had to study from the ground up to learn while we were suffering. What gives??

ME TOO!

SheLikesSteel. You will be a stronger person for it. These people are God's way of refining His people thru tests and trials.

I'm learning more everyday. Should I even bother staying with the man I fell in love with. Is this the kind of life that I want, or deserve? The answer is No! He will never change. I'm so tired of the arguments that never get resolved. If I ever give an opinion and he doesn't like it, he will get into an argument, and usually is for something not even that bad. He is always right, and I have no idea what I'm talking about, he says. Calls me Dumd,stupid, not knowledgeable. He tells me to read relationship book..He's a Narsaccist a Passive Aggressive and a Pathological liar. I've never have cried so much in my life.. 😥

@@erikamunoz3813 I also cried because of narcissists so much, that it's not possible to count. Hope, you'll find strength to get away from him soon and get back to normal life. Good luck!) And men who call us stupid and other bad words, don't deserve to be near us. After I realized, what kind of monster is behind the mask of charming person, it is much easier to say good bye to them

@@shellymichelle2719 I'd like to see where you get that idea from... Do you have any sort of reference to back up a statement like that?

Ha! Brillant!

They have NO mates

Yvette Givens very SICKKKKKKKK

Enn Vee The I I I, ME ME ME person is also very self-centered, no room for others.

What's your momma number cause I need to ask her so e questions????good advice go hug her if you can

Rowena LyfeBlessing Still momma’s gone to sleep,now,so listen while you can 🤗

Jean Roeder you don’t have no room in them but they will always have room in you,it’s up to you to move on or not 🎯

This Revelation makes me more concerned about ex-presidents Obama

what was some of the small warnings? he or she would say to you?

Yes, I noticed that too. I just didn't really know how to explain it. It was like small bits of truth and really degrading like smooshing it your face that they don't value you.

@@crystaldoran1130 mine used to say '' yeah I am a hole'' ''I a @ick'' little things like that .I too wished I had know those little kidding things he would call his little truths, he wasnt kidding now I am taking notes for anyone that tells those little crumbs of the truth core of who they really are . I don't take people at face value . this pages has really helped me heal and learn . I am taking notes on this page . I watch the videos over and over to learn so much . thank you for posting this info so many people are getting their hearts and souls healed . god bless you for posting so much you have impacted my life .

@@KarlaReeves he would be talking to me and start to say something but not finish the sentence. Like when he was going back and forth between she and I and he came to my apartment and in the conversation he said or started to say I just chill when I'm at h... meaning he considered home to be with her( 28 years together, never legally married) so that hurt really bad. Another time during this "triangulation" we weren't getting along and I told him to leave and he that ok that just means I'm gonna have to make it good this time. I know now that it was his fakeness or act he was going to put on for her to get her back. I didn't have a clue at the time what I was dealing with, but I believe God had me pay attention to those little things so when I did to the information I would have no doubts about if he was or wasn't a narcissist. Thanks for reading I really would like to help anyone I can thru this.

mary girardin mine did this too! Every once in awhile he’d let me in on the game he was playing. I think he did it so that I would be more challenging prey, which would make the game he was playing more exciting for him.

SRS4859 I hate to make it political, but wouldn’t it have been helpful for the current leader to have that sign on his forehead?

Terrific comment. Said so well. Thank you!

The Green Queen - I can't see how it would change anything. He already has "fake" marked clearly on his head. 😉 But... how many successful politicians are NOT narcs? A few come to mind - or is their narcissism a bit less, allowing them to craft a better mask? Dr Carter said (in the "8 Lies" video, IIRC) that we can all have some degree of narc - an annoying truth, but helpful in checking how I'm treating people...

SRS4859 o .

The Green Queen Only if the previous one would do it first!

Thank you! Dr. C

Carolynne Gischel I particularly loved that part too. I almost felt like I was getting permission like “it’s ok to live again”. I’ve always felt that being in a relationship with a narcissist is literally like living in a prison because after a while you forget who you were.

Chica yessssss... that one was key for me too.. I had an ah ha moment... an Ummmmm moment..

@@mommabear5059 So true I can laugh now because I'm truly over him after 17 years!!

Torri Howard congratulations!! I feel like we should all get together and have a party 🎉 🎈 🎂

I would like to have a Divorce party but my mentor says it's not to be celebrated. Hmm.

Maybe he'll stick around the next time you play a video. Dr. C

I tried showing this video to my husband, his friend and work partner, and his wife, I am also friends with- and they all refused to listen to it laughed and said I was the one who was the narcissist. So now I try to get my husband to watch it alone with me and he is snoring. Unconditional Love is the hardest test in a marriage for sure !

@@overcomingstrugglesofreading spot on, unconditional love for sure is the hardest thing's. Watching this videos make us strong and try to go out from one hear to the other and learn to fake, the way they do. 💔💔💔

Nina- K yes if they have friends it ppl they brain washed an have control over

@@overcomingstrugglesofreading One might play the video during lunch: they have to stay awake to eat. :)

Good for you. That's action, and that's a plan. I guess I've been doing the same, and I don't always feel like it (rather watch a comedy, you know?), but it's a commitment to making a change right? I'm in a 10 yr marriage, trying to get out, aka flee. We'll make it. Good luck!

The positive is that you have such strength and were able to be assertive with yourself and geographically relocate. But as you said she will use smears and flying monkeys to try and get her narc supply from you. I think if any flying monkeys come or contact you, you should go no contact with them too. As for any mail she sends you, I think ( if you identify it's from her) return to sender unopened. The notion that we only have one mother ( or in my case one father) is dangerous. It comes from people who have no idea about narc abuse and have not been ( as well as other family members) scapegoat targeted. Whether they are parents or not does not give them ( or any one else) the right to narc abuse us.

Joan Copeland Why do you let her know where you live??? hello?!

The phrase "you only have one" is incorrect. I only have one I'm blood connected too...my kids have at Least three! My sisters live close and love them like their own. Side story (Infact, my 5 yr old used to call her favorite "mom" when she was tiny...and when Auntie kept trying to get her to use her proper Name at 2 1/2, she sighed exasperatedly and said "K...Other Mom!" My sister was worried I would be upset she calls her mom......my heart was sooo happy! To know my kids feel That loved and can trust someone on That level other than me gives me comfort. Mothering can be hard, and I know I have a back up!) Don't give up, you may still find yourself a mother to "adopt" you. Blood relationship and being raised by them can facilitate that bond, but it's not what determines it!

In my family it was often mentioned that the bible says that you have to respect and worship/praise (I'm not sure about the translation) your parents/elders. It was like a religious and moral hook that kept children in a cornered situation. But then someone also discovered that the Bible also teaches parents that "do not enrage your children"! So in this case children have duty towards the parents but also parents have duty towards children. And as it's also always been said: the example comes from the above (elders) so if they do not fulfil it then i guess children are dispensed and let off the hook of that duty for nothing.

@@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023 I don't let her know. Heh but I do have to have a legit address to keep my kids in school so she just looks it up.

AMEN 🙏THANK YOU JESUS 💕 😁

Love? when we first got together and I was working 3rd shift I "busted" him watching pornography-more than once even though he lied about it. Then there's the online gaming/gambling it just goes on and on. I get sick when I think about it!!

@@natthebratster liars that they are....i hope you have moved on from the creature of a leech....

Oh yes and doing very well emotionally...knowledge is power!

Exactly! They read like a playbook!

Thanks again for these thoughts, Brad. If I had to choose between laughing or crying, I'd choose laughing too. Dr. C

Same here.

Being underdeveloped myself I can understand these people 😔I was foushont anouf to have a parent who I did get my emotional needs met inspite of her metalillness.and for the most part I have made good life decisions. I actually really liked my mother growing up.the only thing I didn't like was the drama? But there was alot of good times.

I think she had borderline ?I wasn't abused.we had a good relationship but I never talked back to her.interfied with my own development. It's called imesment. I have disexya moved alot. Went to too many schools school system moved me alot. THATS NONSECE..today lived in the same house for over 25 years.and I dont do rebounds.its sick lots of introspection.

As patetic spoiled 3 year old child..lol

They'd say oh he's talking about you 😮

Torri Howard your good! How long did you get trained for? : )

Some are watching it. Those are clearly the dislikes.

Juan Antonio Suarez lol.. : )

Glad it hit home! Dr. C

Thank you. Dr. C

I fell for doing this today and made an a** of myself Start anew tomorrow

Hope you could find a happy life by now! 😎

Ms Cooper wow! You spoke my truth. Divorced after 43 years. I’m just now understanding what I was dealing with and the marriage has left me totally broken down. I never even knew what a narcissist was but when I found these wonderful videos, I started to connect the dots and am now beginning the healing process. Years and years of not understanding why what I was doing was never enough. And the blame! I was turning myself inside out trying to please this person. I knew he had a horrific childhood but was totally unprepared for how it would affect our marriage. So, I am so thankful for these videos from Dr. Carter. They are allowing me to acknowledge the crazy dynamics already set up way before I came into the marriage. I also am learning to forgive myself and to know that I am a worthy human. Knowledge is power and kindness and love to self will heal.

@@Bluesky1426 it must have taken a lot of courage. I'm at 44 yrs. And asking how do I pack up that many years and start over?

@@Bluesky1426 Hi, I'm replying to some of these (people who have been in a long-term relationship with a narcissist). How can these relationships last so long? I am really interested to know! Thanks!

The good news is...the narcissist is not my judge or jury. Dr. C

The good news yes... that’s reality ... where I belong TY Love your talks they give me strength and remind me of the truth

Jennie Jackson Crazy cort -- good one.

Yep. Dr. C

He has his hooks in you. It feels really good to ignore them, really good. Just like you are someone who won't give the time of day to a creep.

please block him everywhere- cellphone, social media accounts. that's why there's a block button! You're still waiting to hear from him.

So pleased! Dr. C

Hey Lori, make sure to keep an eye out for the video coming up this Friday about reclaiming your self respect. Dr. C

I'm so glad you stumbled across us too! Thanks for this good feedback. Dr. C

I am glad, can’t wait to begin reading the book

God bless you, Nancy. Praying for you and your family. Xoxo

My mom got her 40yr old grandaughter out of prison for dealing meth for mex mafia. She now lives in my childhood home and poor mom has lost her mind. Gone. MURDEROUS intentions. Gone.brainwashed. family is now GONE.it is horrifically sad to have to go no contact because shes isolated and going along with all this powergrabbing demonic robot. Moms not going to have one card for xmas.prob her last one!

Nancy Fahey yes. Tough love is the only way. This will be a life lesson that he needs. So many parents continue to bail their children out and that doesn’t help them become independent. Plus when he decides to change on his own instead of the condition of mom and dad making him it will truly be better for himself. Just continue praying for him.

Nancy Fahey I truly believe that tough love is pure love. God deals with us through tough love, He allows us free choice and allows us to deal with the outcome of bad choices. 💕💫

Jean Roeder sorry but I have to respectfully disagree. I don't believe 'tough love' is the answer. i think it causes more harm and damage which cannot be repaired. imo

How do these long-term relationships with a narcissist last so long? I know that they do, but how?! I would really like to know, if anyone would like to take the time to answer - very interested! Thanks!

I am also living in the same realm. I want to wake up and break free. I left for 9 months and had a moment of weakness (idiocy) and stepped back into the trap. The physical abuse no longer happens but the mental does periodically. He always spins it to make me feel bad for him though. I had no idea so many people are in relationships like this.

I've been living in this Hell for 23 years, I just recently realized what he is, & the trauma that I've been going through... I tried killing myself several times, thinking I wasn't worth to life anymore, & I was nothing but a burden! I tried leaving many times, believing his lies that he was going to get help, on his knees crying, begging, that he would change/so sorry! PLEASE, GET OUT NOW, FOR GOOD!!! THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE & WILL KILL THE PERSON YOU ARE...NARCISSISTS ARE THE INVISIBLE KILLERS!!!

BTW...Get STD Tested...THEY ALL CHEAT!!!

Stoney Vowell Manipulation is manipulation even if it’s done in a Positive Way. People are capable of living their life without others interfering via of manipulation.

Clear about what they do as being effective tactics. That's all. They don't see that they are damaging others. Without empathy, which they have none of, they only see what works for them, what keeps their fragile egos feeling protected from the rest of the world around them they are making up conspiracy theories about. They don't see real friendship based on acceptance b/c they think everyone thinks like they do and are only being what looks like kind as a tactic to get something from them. Their fantasy thinking about the world is paranoia-filled.

@@ACE-zo6st They can also be spiteful, vengeful and sadistic. I'm just being cautious of the idea of the narcissist as a machine. They do know.

They only respond to fear & control. If you want to talk to them, talk their language, and their language is not rationalization & common sense, but fear & control.

Simple: you dont care. How can you imagine to rationalize with a toddler? Or to take your self esteem from their actions?

Spot on.

Spot on.

Yes and very low self worth and self esteem.