So… the lesson: Don’t cheat and avoid this situation entirely.

As someone that has gone the forgiving route, it did me no favors. I now had anxiety that I didn't have before. I had depression that I didn't have before. My trust was shattered and trying to rebuild it was damn near torture. Forgiving gave me more pain than the indiscretion did. My advice, just leave. If you're going to forgive, do it from a distance to release yourself from the energy that the pain carries. Cheating is now a non-negotiable dealbreaker because I refuse to put myself through that pain cycle ever again

As a cheater ladies never go back. Cheating is a deliberate act, and we truly deep down feel no type of way about it, or we wouldn't have done it. I still feel love for my partner, but I would still definitely cheat again. We are not to be trusted. It's simply a major character flaw in a person.

If you're gon remain, don't complain. Either dismiss the crime or dismiss the criminal. Me ...I'm out cause the trust is gone. 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️

As man, if she cheats, I'm out, she becomes GROSS to me.

This is why I would never take anyone back again 🤷🏻‍♀️

Once you cheat, i forgive you, I will never submit to you ....Decide if you gonna stay because you already showed me you are not trustworthy, the damage is done.

You can forgive them, but never take them back. My ex-wife cheated. I had proof, and to this day, she will still lie about it, and we haven't been together in 8 years. A liar and cheater are first cousins. Life is way too short. Never take a cheater back point blank, period!!!

Man...please...Cheaters cheat period!!! If you don't RESTORE the trust AND allow the hurt person to HEAL, you can't just expect forgiveness AND trust you after you break up the foundation. How the cheater going to set the boundaries when they are the offender...Narcissistic behavior should not be condoned.

Forgiveness is for the victim, not the offender. It keeps you safe and adds growth. Of course, it doesn't mean you will forget the event. You and the offender remember it as a lesson. Forgiveness is effective and efficient when the offender genuinely and remorsefully apologize s through consistent changed behavior.

I’m here because I been cheated on and lied to about it for years now and up until I went desperate mode and checked “the phone” I literally shattered every single piece of my heart… 8 year relationship and I forgave and forgave and now I’m being treated like shit and constantly argue over little things … there is so much memories and feelings I been contemplating on leaving that person but I also feel afraid

It won't work with both people happy. Infidelity ruins lives

Forgiving would be hard enough as is, but if they cannot give up their privacy for a bit to grant u security that THEY broke.... or forbid u to bring it up if they start exhibiting similar patterns like when they were cheating. They truly dont love nor respect you. And are only sorry for getting caught. Not for actually hurting you.

No I'm totally disagree forgiveness doesn't mean forgiven forget. It doesn't mean you forgive and you move on. It means I forgive you but there's conditions to your forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness means I forgive you but I don't want you in my life anymore. And you know what when you hurt someone as bad as cheating they get to keep bringing it up. Forgiving doesn't mean you're automatically forgiven. Sometimes you have to earn complete forgiveness. And if that's something you don't feel like you want to do that's your right but you need to move on.

We've all screwed up at sometime in our lives and I did forgive my wife when she cheated when she was pregnant and 21 - she's 73 now and we've been happily married 55 years.

Granny would say, "If you're not going to leave, let him cheat in peace...... My work colleague said when her husband cheated, she forgived him in one condition, She wanted to cheat also, and her husband said that was deliberate , it's not how forgiveness works, sis said it would work we just have to forgive each other😅😂 she told him who and he was so angry she already that she had someone in mind. After him overreacting, she explained that if that's how you feel about a conversation, how dare you ask for forgiveness ? They separated after the work colleague made her pregnancy public. I personally think in most situations, some should not ask for another chance .

If she cheated on me, I will not be able to trust her any more. It would be best to divorce her.

There’s two diff cheaters..1 sorry bc I made a mistake or 2 sorry bc I got caught If they are genuinely sorry, they will do whatever it takes to make it up to u and ABSOLUTELY won’t have an issue with workin to gain ur trust back If they’re a number two, RUN! They’re prolly boutta go cheat on u after yous finish that convo haha

Ladies stop convincing yourself that you’re wrong for bringing it up. My opinion is if you really want me back then I need some time to heal. If that mean I bring it up for a little while then so be it. You not gonna betray me then I’m responsible for making you comfortable while I’m uncomfortable. Y’all too quick to want to conform. Truth is he gonna do it again. He wants to sleep around, still keep you, and hear nothing about it. Also, if you found out about a girl he’s done it multiple times with other women. You just found that one. Never go back!! Also, he has no privacy. Think about why we even want privacy. Think about how much privacy you demand when you’re with him and being faithful. When you are honest with your partner they could take your phone all day and you wouldn’t be concerned. If privacy is a thing that’s a red flag. Now just to be fair, it’s not what you do it’s how you do it. If you checking phones and cursing him out about it that’s too much. But for me, you can’t talk too loud by me after all I found out. You can’t grab your phone too quick near me, you gonna acted like you at church with grandma afraid to get pinched.

Trust me don’t give them a second chance they will mistake your forgiveness as weakness and cheat again!!!

This shouldn't even be a discussion... please split... it's not worth either of your time

So there is a bigger issue of healing. Everyone, most people, do not know how to work on healing, but they do forgive and stay. We as people have to reflect and heal, then re-establish trust and then loyalties

I'm not doing that I'm leaving because when the shoe on there foot women never get second chances but as women we always so forgiving.

Always remember that this society nowadays is unforgiving. The thing is however, we humans are capable of forgiveness and giving second chances. If the love is strong if the regret and change is real then forgiveness is possible. There’s no right or wrong. It’s valid if the person wants to leave it’s also valid if the person is willing to forgive.

That's why if they cheat..leave. Otherwise shut up about it. If you take a cheater back then things have to change...if you don't demand change then shut up and be a doormat. You'll never get over it. Any small thing will remind you of it.

Why do we never discuss the issues that led to the cheating?

Never take back a cheater. NEVER.

I also want to add what will be done to ensure that behavior wil not be repeated if you decide to stay.. we are missing that very important piece.. forgiveness is one step, change in behavior is another step.. if the cheater seeking some therapy? Or do you just trust that they wont repeat it again..

We need more God fearing men in the world, that way we'd have less cheaters

When I suspected my ex was cheating I took note of the red flags and when it got to the breaking point I started thinking about cheating and that's when I knew it was time to leave. Can't let a person change you for the worst. I knew what I brought to the relationship and I knew it was valuable so why not share those values with someone that I can trust. People will always find someone attractive that doesn't mean go cheat with them. Self control is very important.

Things get brought back up because the behavior doesn't change.

This is a GREAT conversation. I look forward to seeing the full episode

She cheated and everytime she made me think I was insane since she knew a lot about the human psyche…… I feel like I was in a hell loop that I can’t escape…… she has truly broken me…… even now too … I can never look passed and forgive it she done too much…it’ll take decades for me to even go back to a tenth of what I was that’s how deep I got in….

Easiest solution: don’t stay with a cheater. Have some self respect y’all

The solution is the choice of the one getting cheated on, to make a decision to stay in the relationship and then comes the reciprocity and mutual need to stay bcz most relations ends by one try to save it, the other one is doing sabotage💣💣💣

Why would someone waste their time staying with a cheater? You can forgive and still slowly find your way out. They've shown you their true nature. Good people don't cheat. Period.

This is why I say just leave. I don’t think you can truly forgive someone for cheating; you can only try to move forward with the relationship, but the amount of psychological and emotional damage it would do to you in the long-term isn’t worth it for someone who ultimately doesn’t respect you anyway.

Negotiable and non negotiable. You have to hold yourself to your own Bondaries. Be honest with yourself if you really can feel secure with this person. They would have to prove themselves to be trust worthy probation period is a real place that people should respect.

Once the trust is lost, then you have the responsibility to rebuild it. Afterall you cheated. I've gone way out of place to forgive, so don't blame me if your actions trigger me every once in a while. If you can't put in the work on rebuilding my trust, then I'm out.

Don't stay leave it's will never be the same I'm not staying

👎 If someone is choosing to stay- the cheater should be thankful and know that the responsibility is on them to reassure their partner even if it’s constantly. That is their consequence. Someone who cheats doesn’t know how to love so I don’t see the point in staying. Their love is puppy love.

A person will ask for forgiveness before they ask for permission on a conscious decision that they made.

I needed this 😭

Wow that was a lot of good points in a short time. Informative and not a time waster

Tried that and then she cheated again.

Nope I’ll take leave the relationship for $1000 Alex

I can speak from very personal experience. My Wife, Recently decided to separate and finally accept my Divorce Proposal. Her reason, she says she was tired of me accusing her of Cheating on me. ( I uncovered some visual proof) that she was and she denied it followed by her Gaslighting me. Though we were both Guilty of Cheating on each other, at times throughout our marriage. I took accountability for my Bad decisions. Unfortunately, for me, she refused to take accountability. My thoughts: (For the Average Couple) It's probably best to discontinue the long-term monogamous relationship or Marriage. Cheating effects Men differently than it effects Women. Social Stigma dictates the narrative, If a Man continues a relationship with his Girlfriend or Wife, after discovering she's cheated on him, he's labeled 'T A P' Simp. Even, more disturbing, If He decides to stay with her after her Cheating with no consequences nor boundaries, She Views Him as A Weak, Needy Man, that she can manipulate and control, she will most likely gaslight cheat again. If you feel the need to cheat, you should leave your situation first. C

I’ll NEVER submit or even respect a man who cheats on me

This is why I could never stay. You cheat and I’m out. It’s not so much the violation but it’s the fact that my peace in you is gone now. I need my peace. I need to know that what you tell me is the truth. Once that’s gone I gotta roll. ✌🏾

Ummmm no. If you’ve actually been in love with your spouse who has cheated and felt remorse, and you decide to give them another chance, it’s not just simple to say “ok now I forgive you and I’ll never mention it again” 🤣 forgiveness it a very difficult path that you BOTH walk down together for YEARS and years after the infidelity. It is OKAY for it to hurt you months later, years later, and your cheating spouse should still be right there to talk with you through it and hold you while you cry and to remind you that they are still sorry. It’s a complete journey of permanent trauma that doesn’t just go away right when you say “ok let’s try to make this work”. Clearly the women speaking on this video have never tried to stay and rebuild trust with the man they deeply love more than anyone else and who loves her deeply but made a mistake he regrets. Or they wouldn’t be spewing this nonsense.

Why do people want to be in relationships when they know? That's not what they want, it's just a sex. Then you get upset? Oh, he cheated, she cheated. How can someone cheat on you when they're not your husband? Or your wife? Start there

May God forgive me and may I forgive myself for what I'm going to do.. I'm going to give her a chance. I know it's not right. And I shouldn't. I shouldn't. But I'm going to. But if I feel in anyway something is not right. I'm gone. I can not afford to let myself be beaten down again. There's no way. Wish me luck.

bro lemme tell you I got cheated on & didn’t know until I got her pregnant now im up here trying to be a good man when she could’ve told me before we decided to make a baby & I would’ve left but I don’t want my kid to not have a loving home

The Women both want to continue not having any repercussions after dishing them out from cheating.

Never forgive a cheater. That shit will never leave your brain. It's the highest form of disrespect. Adios

Let's not pretend wemen don't cheat.

Just move forward it’s to exhausting being always examined 🎉

I was in a situation where the reasons i had for asking something didnt matter but her insecurities did. So asking for us to try fixing something on the phone together made her quick to jump the gun saying that i just wanted to know what she doing cause i think she doing something behind my back and if i dont admit that as the truth then its over? How in the hell does a person validate anothers feeling by denying their own?

That’s tricky. I get what she says, but also, forgiving doesn’t mean you forget. It’s normal to need a LOT of time before you can trust him fully again. So yes, it will be brought up, again and again, because you need reassurance that he won’t do it again, and asking for that reassurance is perfectly reasonable. Let’s not forget who wronged whom: it shouldn’t be up to me to comfort him, it’s the other way around. Don’t want to be reminded of what you did? You wouldn’t be if you hadn’t done it. You don’t get to just waive your responsibility.

I forgave my cheating wife and she kept doing it. Trust is gone.

The problem is most people has conditioned cheating any form of cheating show me unacceptable and if your willing to forgive some parts of cheating why can’t you forgive any don’t pick and choose any form of cheating should make you leave but most people would stay if it isn’t physical which I find contradicted…..Also you need to know what led to cheating people be acting like no one makes mistakes or have high expectations for their partners and view others as perfect if that’s the case treat disrespect, lack of validation, abusive and emotional abuse, no leadership…etc why not leave with these as well treat all of these on the same level you just don’t need loyalty it’s so much more

Cheating is wrong and nobody should do that to a partner that doesn't deserve the betrayal. Alas I see Woman chase guys that are dangerous and cheat, and clown Men who are safe and loyal. So it's more likely a Woman will forgive a man who had indiscretion and not the other way. I think understanding women's sexual desires and respecting them as equal to men will help, but biology makes it so a Woman wants a man that other Woman want, and having an affair with another woman is definitely a factor that contributes to 'These b***** want my man', instead of 'My man wants other Women'. I think it comes down to dynamics. If a partner thinks the cheating party is more valuable then themselves, then they will submit to staying. This is not including children being apart of the equation. Keeping a family together does add another element.

This is 100% True dead ass I know for a fact.

Forgive and allow ourselves be responsible for the decisions we made

😂naw if you want to stay you gotta roll with the punches how you gonna be mad at the person you cheated on when they bring it up

She needs to stop talking.. DONT CHEAT...

Choosing to stay is a no...because after that the person but not do _💩_ to "REMIND me" of a bad time. 🙌🏿😅🤔 Ita gonna be a "NO," or a _very hard_ & wholesome road ahead.

Forgiveness is really about the example God shows ro us with allowing us to be saved from our sins, where we all deserve a physical and spiritual death, but God in his infinite wisdom forgives your sin and doesn't recall it and allows us to be saved from going to he'll when we die, the topic of Forgiveness is really much deeper than this discussion

Easier said than done. Infidels would have treated and manipulated them so much that it's difficult to not pin point during argument.. hence, people who wants to give you a chance repeats.. it will go away with eventually when the infidels effort to become better and treat their partner right.. it's a consistent effort thrice as much as you spent in hiding your affair. Affair is fluid, loyalty is solid! So if your partner wants to give you a chance and you are not ready to put efforts then face the consequences and move on!

We feel and understand that the two ladies have cheated in the past.

If someone cheats on you and you decide to forgive, however still police their behaviors it means you need to move on. Because while you may have forgiven, your not able to walk out your forgiveness in a way that does not hold you and partner hostage and that is ok.

Yep. Keep your password and your peen. Let's just kiss and say goodbye.

💯

Hard to come back from that

Wat should I do I found out too late about the affair ...too late for me since I'm carrying his child 😢now Any good advice anyone please

Women that cheated, forgive me and don't bring it up. If their man cheats, he is out, no taking him back and eternally talking about it with her gang.

Where's the podcast bout women cheating????

Ain't no going back

Hell no because if you the cheat first time there is no forgiveness because you just allowed them to take advantage if you want to play adult games then you’re old enough to accept adults consequences. I will be honest I will not accept back a female that cheated because if she get pregnant or caught a Sdt so not coming back. My health and safety is more important than no second chances. You made your decision then you have to life with it.

Since when is it normal to have privacy in your marriage or relationship I see this as having and hiding secrets and I no longer trust anything you say or do time for you to come clean or just watch me leave

How about...."if I/you are going to forgive this, what are the parameters of the arguing?". Don't want you displaying I'll leave you emotions, like dismissal, during an argument.

Nah, don't be a cheater. There is no two way street here

Women will always bring that up.

Shorty done cheated before lol

Nope, I tried staying/working through stuff & it’s not worth… best to leave cuz it’s blatant disregard for the relationship. If they didn’t stop it the first time (& you let them back) they’re def doing it again, only with a bigger ego. Play house with someone else, I’m out.

("Po' me a shot plz, matt'a fact make it a double, imma need it on this one, cau' they talkin'at real-REAL sh't on this one") -Let's talk about it: To begin, with ME, you earn "forgiveness," as well you earn "trust..." - If you cheat in our relationship, and I decide to allow you to PROVE yourself to be forgiven... wait, let me start over and reiterate that... MOST people really can't "forgive" AND "forget" when they partner cheat on them, by the nature of "trust." That's one of tha main boundaries of a relationship, right "underneath" abuse or STD. If you want me to work on the process of forgiving you, then we got anotha set of boundaries that we have to go over before we go ANY further. - But just remember and just know, me "forgiven" you will take WAY less time than me "forgetting" about what you did. Really because I feel like if I "remind" you of what you did when it is necessary to do so, then i'm hoping, for us, that will remind YOU of the reason we are in this process of forgiveness to begin with. - People seem to think forgiveness is just a matter of saying, "I forgive you," naw baby, you ain't gettin' off that easy, it takes work and time to be forgiven, but neva expect your partner to "forget" about it for years to come, which is "natural" to do so, but is very possible. - Finally, under the new boundaries of you proven yourself worthy of forgiveness: 1) Me "forgiving" you doesn't mean I am required to "forget" about it anytime soon. 2) Me forgiving you is NO way based on how you "feel" I'm SUPPOSED to forgive you. 3) HOW YOU GONE ASK FOR FORGIVENESS, BUT YET ASKING FOR "TRUST" AT THE SAME TIME ? You gotta remember, you Had trust, then you INTERRUPTED trust, now you forced us to have to work on your forgiveness... I'm mad, but I think you WORTH given a chance on proving forgiveness. 4) If you are not willing to go through MY "process" of how I can forgive you, then you are saying to me that we are "over." ***Question is: IS SHE WORTH IT ? ("I'm tipsy, but I felt that topic")

You cheat it's over IT AINT NO GOING BACK

She looks like black eva longoria

"Give me the password to your phone..."👀👀 Uhm...eer...uuuhhh...🤔 I'm not cheating, but.... yeah, nah. Idk about that one there.

Never forgive a cheater.

The only time I forgave cheating is in the honeymoon of the relationship...reason bcus I figure it's still in limbo with exes or other partners that won't let go and things is still kinda fresh in the 1st year and other factors....BUT after that it ain't no excuse no explanation bcus after the 1st to make your choice and mind up discussion of how to deal with any hangovers etc. Dont act like u wanna stay when we was at the open table to be honest respectfully. No fights arguing degrading going on. Then later u do the same thing on a different route. It shows u ignorant childish stump growth man of a teenage mind a scary wimp and dont deserve respect or fvks to give. It's over and if they refuse to accept that then they get dogged out not more love. Females will stick around and get dogged and have means to leave job car money good friends that care etc AND THEY STILL STAY it's no excuse either bcus it's women out here stuck needing a support group or system to leave.

Forgive but dont stay

What is breach of privacy on a little device ? When that man is probably entering the most private and sacred place every night which is you smh. So backwards

White pants got it big 😮

Facts

f' THAT. No one should have your password or phone access. Get someone else.

Is best to not stay best to divorce

Just leave. It’s just easier. lol.

I agree

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿