Perfect reflection of CNN

@@XDarksoulX1129 dawg how, if anything this is a direct comparing of how republicans try to downplay their vile acts

@Jake stephano Any examples? Republicans don't do anything good or bad, they just sit on their asses all day.

​@@jakestephano3145 same fuckin party bro

@@XDarksoulX1129 Even though CNN and Fox News are different sides to the same coin, this more accurately reflects what Fox News does

Agreed, as a Canadian I can say that our nations abolishen of beast-based interogation in the late 1960s was wrong. In retrospect it was clearly a political move that was not supported or motivated by facts or evidence. I can say our nation is likely worse off without it and yes I will say it. IT HAS COST THE LIVES OF INOCENT CANADIANS, I know that this is unpopular and to some even offensive but it is TRUE!!

A Travler from a different land I am totally against removing beast based interrogation but there is a more humane option; in the Arabian peninsula, there is a type of djinn ( or shadow person as westerners call it ) called a ghoul. This is more cost effective because we don't have to build an underground labyrinth, more humane because ghouls over the age of 150 rarely torture unless asked to by their masters ( although young ghouls are eager to torture ) and more efficient because they have human like intelligence allowing them to use more advanced interrogation methods. The only downside is that many of them have converted to a religion which prohibits interaction with humans ( possibly a human plot to stop ghouls murdering us ) and the largest concentrations of ghouls are in enemy lands so ghouls willing to comply would be rare. Are only hope would have been Pakistan's ghoul population but I doubt they would let us in since that Hillary Clinton incident. ( kzfaq.info/get/bejne/q65ootqUsq7HY2g.html )

Another hardworking minotaur getting screwed over by the government.

@@mobeenkhan824 The real reason the US Department of Defense doesn't use ghouls is because they would rather not have to rely on foreign powers for interrogation methods in case of a major war. Also minotaurs have a proven higher interrogation success rate which Uncle Sam would rather pay a premium for. Most people under interrogation can handle being tormented by ghouls, but a minotaur? That's how you know Uncle Sam isn't messing around.

@@MK_ULTRA420 Ghouls, minotaurs... where's your patriotism, America? Why do we need to rely on foreigners for our monster-based torture when we can use our own? Paul Bunyan is taller than a minotaur, has an axe and can ask Babe the Blue Ox to immolate terrorists with horns like the minotaur does. It'd be cheaper, patriotic and strenghten the local economy.

Not to mention the dozens who had their spines added to the Minotaur’s Spine Pile

Hopefully that's where they throw trump.

For me it's the griffins

Have you ever heard Peter O' Hanrahahanran's report from the morning of 9/11 for The Day Today ?

@The Mad Philosopher lmfao khorn would LOVE this

Dude,that Sphinx was too fucked up. Getting confessions by melting the prisoners' heads was horrifying,this without mentioning the numerous guards killed by it during that Columbus day incident.

bullshit your not a terrorist, your just one of those extremist conservatives who want to bring the Endless Labyrinth back. Ever since employing the Cyclops weve been getting confessions and info without inhumane treatment. You lost the election, get over it.

@@wako1576 yeah,it's way more efficient and humane. Who wants to get in the labyrinth to recover the bodies to either,get lost or be killed by the minotaur!? And don't even get me started in the sphinx incident and the way the media covered up everything,thanks gosh for 4chan.

@@AlexssandroMeneses And what's more fucked up, they still haven't captured it! For all we know, it could still be out there, silently manipulating the government as we speak. Call me craze, but surely it's no coincidence that Biden just HAPPENED to make that "12 ton giant marble sphinx statue lives matter" speech just weeks after it broke loose from its holding cell on Ellis Island.

@@Cursedsoup9954 That thing is going to haunt this world till the day we put it back where the US found it. The way this situation is being handled is ridiculous. SMH

Everyone knows that the Dragons control the media and banking. No way they would allow discussion about that.

@@GodActio yeah my cousin Shekelstein was tragically killed when he tripped over the dragon’s tail and it ate him. Working for the federal reserve and the treasury is hard work!

@@GodActio the dragons are part of the one percent

@@princessnovainacottage3326 This is blatant anti-dragonism. Dragons are normal, productive members of society and the fact that there are lots of them in positions of power has nothing to do with their species and everything to do with their rich culture that values hard work and perseverance.

@@bogomilsgg4848 they stole that treasure from the dwarves, the money they built there empire on is corruption incarnate

Just goes to show the power of the cattle lobby in Washington.

If you don't want your taxes going toward the minotaur you're free to meet the pain monster.

If America does something that isn't flashy and bangy, then was it really America that did it?

This is just a smokescreen to hide the fact that the Slenderman has been working for the government starting in the early 2000's.

Tbh i agree with the ancient mummy rather than the minotaur

"It doesn't mah- whether the minotaur used one razor sharp axe or seven- it doesn't-"

that "this MINItaur issue was blown out of proportion" cracked me right off the start

fReeDoM fRiEs 😂😭

"Attempts" You uh, should check the FDA on the fries part. They succeeded years ago to make fries count as a serving of vegetables.

Well I mean potatoes *are* vegetables

@@Mechagodzilla128 And successful attempts are still attempts

Coal builds strong bones. Eat more coal.

Mr. Outlaw magic doesn’t kill people people kill people

The second amendment grants me the right to purchase and use fireball spells in the defence of myself, my family, my property and my country. Stalin's first actions were to disband the russian mage guilds and hunt down practitioners of magic. That should be a warning not a guideline

@@me3596 Defensive spells like magic shield or fire orb is ok, but fireball spell with some buffs can be used to mass devastation in terrorist attacks, all scrolls with magic of that scale should be banned. We are not talking here about spell for personal defense or hunting but war weapon used by professional wizards.

just because you can get a 30$ tip replacement from black markets into your C4 class fireball wand to reign infinite fire armageddon from the skies, does not mean, that C4 class fireball wands should be limited. there are vary many law abiding citizens, who dont reign infinite fire armageddons from the skies.

That’s why you learn intrinsic spellcraft. You don’t need wands or staves to work the fundamental cosmic power. Also, spells leave arcane signatures, so a responsible mage should not have anything to fear.

The whole thing is gold from start to finish.

Studies show that griffons prolong the suffering of their victims for much longer than minotaurs. Those damn Chinese are willing to torture their captives while we only have them gored and rent apart with the horns of a beast.

This shows how far we've fallen as a society, Now we're comparing ourselves to states that use griffons in order to justify the use of Minotaur? this whole labyrinth deal is a violation of individuals rights. Detainees should have the right to be tied to a stake, given an opportunity to confess their sins before being burnt alive just like every other accused criminal.

- Papa nurgle justifying the use of biological warfare against altdorf

Instead we use minotaurs Ha

But why wouldn't they keep straight faces? This is a very serious matter🐮

Damn its almost like they're actors or something

cannon.

holy shit i think this is the beginning of a new prank channel

Yes

quirky

Nah, he still can’t lose the greek accent.

@@Chunkboi as a greek i can confirm that this is actually how we talk

King K feta feta feta feta feta tzastiki

@@boothe2803 Completely unsubstantiated

This comment is so insensitive. English is a hard language to learn, so it's such a Karen thing to expect everyone, even forgieners, to speak it. He's trying his best, and *you* should realize that.

Medusa wouldn’t even qualify. She’d just petrify them on sight. Again you darn feminazis are taking over muh murica!!!

Medusa has a dark and sordid history the sjws dont want you to know about.

It's the hiring culture. Americans just don't want to see a woman in a position of power. But it's more than that, the media have really demonised that woman specifically and now it's like no one wants to see Medusa at all.

This is the conversation actual feminists are having right now.

Did you just assume the minotaur isn't female?

What really makes this realistic is that three people are in favor of torture

I am the law.

The Minotaur was my uncle

this could be easily solved by taking the axe away but society isn't ready for that conversation

@@atropa6053 it's just going to take the axe away from law abiding monsters! criminal monsters will still have axes.

It's because of the lack of competition. Currently, the government runs the Minotaur and there are no other monsters to offer alternative forms of death, so it's grown complacent. I say we need to really move this to the private sector and introduce some competition in the market. I propose we start with introducing Grendal.

That sounds lile an awesome idea for a tv show

They should have included this entire segment in bright.

I know that this comment is very old but there is a TV serie call grimm, it has various fantasy and mythological creature in it, dont know if you are intested.

What do you mean *the idea of*? A few days ago I was in the mountains begging Big Foot to stop chewing on my sister's thighs.

Welcome to the onionverse.

That line was hilarious

that was spot on

you watched the video too ?

Hey, ever seen a satyr interrogate a prisoner? Not a lot of trauma, but a lot of booze. I mean, even though the koran is explicit about not tasting the fermentation of grain or grape, there’s still wiggle room for rum (sugar cane).

Small details like these make the whole thing.

I know. What strikes me most was that the minotaur was brought before congress and courts of law, and despite clear evidence of it's wrongdoings, the Republicans and even some Democrats acquitted the beast, saying that he learned his lesson. How can America be free if we continue to allow raging bovine creatures to walk free on its cleft hooves?

@Teri G Washington had the RIGHT to ride the Kraken because it was within his homeland, not comparable to this. The minotaur was apprehended and delivered to main land America from out of its jurisdiction, Minotaur deserved better.

I remember you being rather for the building of the labyrinth to contain the minotaur and use it to interrogate criminals. What happened, man? I know things got a little out of hand with that falsely convicted guy but that doesn't negate the good that was done does it? I mean, interrogations successes raised by nearly 300% when the minotaur was first put into use

Longer

@@SebasTian58323 lmao interrogations successes is sure to go up by 300% when you are being minitour-ed to death lol, in the end with enough time all humans break, we all know who is the real terror-stats here.

Change Maze with Guantanamo and Minotaur with waterboarding (even if they had use worse but that's the one told the most) and you will se it's real news.

Real news became so ridiculous, Onion had to up their game.

good actors and production quality

In a different world, it is real news

Given the lunacy that's usually pushed with real news, it almost feels like this would be preferable.

What do you mean by mythical creatures? We literally employ them, or are you conspiracy theorists who believe the earth is flat? Every progressive or Rich nation employs great beings, for example, the dragons in the UK, the gnolls in France, the djinns in Arabia. Go out more and vist towers or broken bridges.

Didn’t they already have a movie?

Yeah, I know this was a year ago but I'm not letting this one slide. The UK's ogres need to be put on far more strict training regime's before they're EVER allowed to retrieve anyone. Literally only a month ago one of YOUR ogre's threatened a nice family of Canadian Centaur's (the eldest of the group literally being a RETIRED policeman) because they were "too close to being on the path of the girl". It's called tourism. And yet i haven't heard ANY of you talking about that. I do agree your dragon's however are extremely deserving of the respect they're given for their services, however i do feel their need to hoard all of their wealth is a bit elitist.

@@dakotablount251 Our ogres don’t need more training, you disturb their goal and they mess you up. The path to a tower shouldn’t even BE a tourist route! That’s like if America made the Minotaur maze a friggin tourist destination.

@@GregLemons yeah,that labyrinth was condemned after the Minotaur was relieved of his job, and it's highly dangerous for anyone to be in it. Unfortunately without the Minotaur patrolling the infinitely sized and ever changing maze, it's been infested with all sorts of unsanctioned monsters and is scheduled for demolition within the year. It's really a sad day in American history. Never let anyone tear down your dragons and the amazing jobs they and your ogres do

@@GregLemons I know this is an old comment but…..to be fair, the labyrinth did have a gift shop that sold souvenir “I survived the Minotaur!” T shirts and personalized license plate keychains. I still have the Minotaur beanie baby I got there during a trip with my family when I was a kid (people keep telling me it’s worth tons of money but idk the sentimental value makes it hard to consider selling)

@@dharmallars Yo a Minotaur Beanie Baby? Man! I remember those things, they had the lovely random little blood splotches on them that made each one a little more unique.

A lot of Americans used to come from Europe, the minotaur and his family obviously migrated to the Americas as well to find better job opportunities

Plus, the Minotaur is on record as having immigrated on a ship in 1978 from Crete. Really goes to show how a nation of immigrants can truly become a melting pot of all cultures and methods of dying horribly!

@@stevenbean9731 I can't 😂

@@stevenbean9731 example Cthulhu is seen as an American monster of nightmare and terror as well as any other eldrich abomination from the old ones

@@anarchomando7707 Cthulhu doesn't really identify with any nation. American propaganda called Cthulhu an American just to scare the Soviets, and ever since then it just stuck. China is doing the same thing by saying that Cthulhu is actually of Chinese origins since ancient times.

How has the cigarette trading stalled since the pandemic? Is it up to 3 handjobs now?

How's it going Big Dap?

He and the minotaur escaped the labyrinth about 11 months ago, and are now wanted in 48 states. The minotaur has been temporarily replaced by a couple sirens and a swimming pool in the center. Results are positive as of now, but we need more data to be more conclusive.

@@The_Rising_Dragon Update on this situation; fortunately, Big Dap Ramirez _was_ apprehended, shot, and killed by the national guard. The arrow was inspected and the blood on it was confirmed to match the suspect's. The minotaur has been recaptured and is being extradited to Greece as we speak.

@@Resi1ience That's sad. :(

Biblical descriptions lol

The latest leaked tapes show otherwise. He was perfectly willing to. I bet he even built an escape route. Using wax and feathers to fly away to the Russian embassy is nonsense.

Daedalus is in enough trouble over the fighter jet designs which fell apart during overheating.

@@Chunkboi His own son died in that accident; I say he's been punished enough!

@@chinggis_khagan Hey, I'm with you on that.

stormbow

And have you seen the upkeep for the Shadow Demon Spy Organization (SDSO), or the Elven Special Forces (ESF)? It is truly insane!

Sounds like even more of a reason to abandon the whole maze thing if you ask me! Just let the terrorists listen to some relaxing banshee death-screams, that's much cheaper and easier.

Yeah but the labyrinth is arleady there! Cutting funding will not only be unfair to the people gored to but wont actually do anything as its still there!

Cybernetically augmented tyrannosaurs are an important part of a modern army​ and modernized military doctrine. That's why we have more than any other nation, our investment in cybernetically augmented tyrannosaurs is a critical element in US force projection and serves as a powerful deterrent.

Robert Aylor true

@@robertaylor9218 The cybernetically augmented tyrannosaurs are simply too out of line. They cause so much collateral damage its just too costly! I remember back in Vietnam when the Americans used the cybernetically augmented tyrannosaurs the land was just all destroyed! Even now they are trying to repair the damage caused by them and their mechanical teeth. The amount of bone piles are so extreme they've been deemed unmovable by any modern technology! Simply put, I think after the repeal of the cybernetically augmented tyrannosaurs, our army has become too reliant on these BRUTAL and SAVAGE murderous cybernetically augmented tyrannosaurs.

@@Zomana9 to big to move why don't they just move the bones to the wold wide bone pocket dimension I mean like duh

@@Zomana9 I'm sorry I forgot it's owned by ""necromancers""

The get mythology correct where as high bought movies don't... They should make movies

😂😂😂😂

Oh my god. And then they would think they fixed it, and they wouldn't know the videos were fake. It's perfect.

They didn’t have VHS 50 years ago!

@@zoewells3160 Yes they did, the VHS was invented around the 1970s and that's 50 years ago, it's around 45 years to be precise but it's still close to 50 years ago.

The ultimate troll

Yeah like how it specifically says you must not perform terrorist acts against civilians and must act like a military (be uniformed and declare yourself) to be covered under its protections. So even if you consider this minotaur a breach which I don’t think it is, those thrown in the labyrinth do not qualify for its protections.

This comment is 8 years old

@@cocacraesh this reply is one year old.

@Wayne Rocha this comment is 11 hours old

@@Osama-Bon-Jovi-01This comment is 6 days old

@@elm4453 this comment is 1 month old

Believe me, I know. A bunch of engineers bet him that they could bind him with anchor chains. I took the bet, won a grand on that. Gave him $800 since he did the work.

I agree. Besides, it's either violent criminals or innocent teenagers. I think I know who we'd prefer to sacrifice.

Make sure to eat your coalOs tm. Paidforbybigcoal.

That was the funniest part.

Honestly this sounds like an actual thing they'd do.

The food pyramid is already poison. The largest “food group” is carbs (grains and potatoes) and sugar (cereal).

I just don't know anymore. All the coal labels I see at health stores here in CA have cancer warnings on them. I'm on the fence about organic coal. I just don't know what to make of this.

Why do all the Sphinxes think that all centaurs look the same! We dont! In fact, it's the sphinxes that look the same! And dont get me started on sphinxes thinking that we are from the forest! The forest centaurs look nothing like us and they speak an entire different language! I'm a woodland centaur!

@@trafalgarq805 you centaurs with your petty first world problems. Meanwhile us satyrs are discriminated against universally, and unicorn brutality against satyrs is on the rise. Quadriped privilege is real

@@seriouspain4136 Universally?! In your dreams! Us goblins have to deal with 24/7 racism and stereotypes that are sooo outdaded, at least you have the privilige to resemble one of those dumb humans.

@@trafalgarq805 ah yes, fighting racism with racism

@@schouwstra_7778 at least you goblins don’t have to deal with thieves and murderers all year round, like us dragons. Do you know how many times people have come into my lair to steal my treasure or to mount my head on a wall? You filthy goblins and your privilege!

They didn't want it confused with all the other ones lol

They aren’t beasts of burden. They are volunteer soldiers. If you ever see a marine riding a unicorn, the Unicorn outranks the Marine.

Silent Solitude oh no, really?

@Silent Solitude I am so sorry... Tge governments don't trust our kind

@@simoneangeliquemaloney3990 yah but have you heard of the crime rings and magic wars

@@nathaliecoulibaly763 indeed and the underground trading of mythology animal parts and plants... what has this world come to

Okay, okay, but you have to consider that the entire defence contract was for 'a Minotaur Labyrinth', so it's really quite natural that Asterion is being referred to by his function, more so than his identity in this context. It's not like they're generalizing all the wild minotaurs, derogatorily referring to them as just a homogenous gray mass of 'the minotaurs' or anything.

​@@philippeamon7271 The labyrinth was built by Daedelus for Asterius on the orders of his grandfather, King Minos, so that people wouldn't bother him. It's his home. And there are no others of his kind. That useless goddess only cursed his mother to sleep with a bull once, and part of the curse was to ensure his birth, just to make people even more disgusted at his mother. That contract is a sham, because the government is just tossing people into a half-man half-bull's home and using him for their own twisted amusement. Just because he's got an eternal life - so long as he isn't killed - is no reason to use him for their own amusement. There are other immortal beings in the world due to other people being cursed by other useless gods and goddesses too. But we don't see anyone being shipped off to the Shapeless isles to bother Stheno and Euryale. Not after Perseus murdered their sister Medusa in cold blood anyways. If we can accept two immortal gorgons, and let them live in peace, why can't we let Asterius do the same? Or do we have to wait for someone capable of besting him in combat, and killing him before we realize we should have done left him alone, like we did with Stheno and Euryale when Medusa was killed?

@@The_Ghost_King You're not making any sense. First of all, I don't think you should be saying that of a marginalised group that they don't exist in the wild. There are so many places on the planet, especially the artics, and the ocean floor, not fully explored yet, undisturbed by modern civilisation. Moreover, if there were only one minotaur, then 1) who in their right mind would ever conceive of the utility of 'a Minotaur Labyrinth' as a terrorism countermeasure, and 2) why would you have any concerns about the psychological ramifications of disregarding the minotaur's identity - if there is only one of them, his name might as well be The Minotaur, everybody would know who we are talking about, nothing would be strawmanned, and it's identity would be safeguarded. Further, it is also clear from the overhead view of the Labyrinth in question, that it wasn't built by Daedulus at all, the architecture is not his style. And why would he even accept a contract from the american Department of Defence in the first place?

​@@philippeamon7271 No, you're misunderstanding entirely. But it's clear you're already a slave to the corrupt government's mad agenda. That first line "You're not making any sense." is a clear sign that any argument will baffle and confuse you due to the obvious mind magic the government has put you under! But I will not be swayed, and I will stop these mad plans of using ancient immortal beings, some of which are one-of-a-kind, for the plans of self-serving politicians.

As the Onion pointed out in another video, pouring money into the money hole is an American tradition.

@@richardbourton4523 yes, but werewolves can tear through more money in 1 full moon than the Minotaur tears through yearly. #WerewolveLivesMatter.

@@Adam-xf6sq How much of this pro-werewolf propaganda have you been snorting? Wake up sheeple! You want to eject a qualified blue collar minotaur just to give his job to some workshy werewolf? The jobs are there for them, they just aren't proactive enough to get them! A werewolf might tear through more spines than a brutish bull-man but it's about the qaulity of the spine removal! Werewolves are just out for an easy buck and cashing in on sympathy bleeding hearts like you! Minotaurs are the real oppressed minority. Mino-taur-ity. Mintaurity. Mino... Never mind.

Exactly why don’t we use any of the multitude of different Sasquatch’s for this task?

@@theAverageJoe25 The Sasquatches are in their reservations getting rich off their cassinos. Why would they volunteer their sacred mind melding rituals to aid a country that still fails to recognize their sovereignty? And please, call them big-feet, there is no need for political correctness here and this is how they call each other (except for the noble yeti, but that's a whole different subspecies).

I remember the good old days when a goblin could find work at like any place like in the last 40 years 6 generation of my family worked their but now they won’t let us in cause a couple dozen goblin were getting eaten .

simply the best line

What does it mean?

@@williamwang3729 theres nothing to back up the statement, like some solid proof or something

Down graded the velociraptors where too good, couldn't get any info out of them before they mauled them.

@@LoydAvenheart Yeah but you better believe the squealed during those first couple seconds

*_why were you there...?_*

Ikr 😂😂

Hey we have naiads as our best River defense Force And the Mermaid Maritime Marine corps Wood nymphs are our special form of defense against the Fae them being able to turn into trees are perfect against those pesky little things

I really like your profile pic

Vlad1m4ra Actually I met the minotaur. He works for Blizzard now,

youre right. I hear that cyclopes are 35% less likely to get jobs as truck drivers. even though they dont need to drive because they are humongous they could carry it to their destination

My opion on the subject is that these murder monsters can not be killed or die and we dont get them jobs we will join their millions of victims

I think It was something like seven Men and seven women. But It possible he played both teams. :-)

Octavio Bannach so now we have to ask the question of what the optics would be of firing one of the few LGBTQ+ high level government officials. How will the Minotaur be reassured that his sexuality isn't a factor here? Discrimination on such grounds is illegal and wrong. Of course, the Minotaur should be free to eat people of all genders and sexual orientations, but I guess the question is should he be doing so on America's dime?

modern american politics summed up in one youtube comment

Too many gorgons are serving time for getting other people stoned.

Gorgons are being ignored again for being female. And people say misogyny don't exist SMH

@@knightenchanter7908 while I won’t deny the persecution of the Gorgons you have to acknowledge the string of violence done by Gorgon kind. I’m sure no one is going to forget anytime soon about the tyranny of Medusa. Abductions, Murder and then displaying her victims in her home. Many impressionable Gorgons are still following in her steps and I think the end of this violence and prejudice should begin with better education for Gorgons.

I had to scroll WAY too far down to find one of these.

43 likes in 8 years F

@@thelordofcancer10yearsagoe68 Username checks the fuck out

Imnowusingthisname There is a type of Arabian djinn ( or shadow person as it is known in the west ) called a ghoul, it is more cost effective and if the ghoul is old then it is also far more humane, while the minatour and young ghouls prefer torture and are hard to tame, ghouls older than 250 will often try to get information without causing pain but because of its docility it will not hesitate to torture if deemed necessary. And Islam forbids asking help from djinns so this will be annoying for the terrorrists. The only downside is that many of them have converted to a religion that forbids interacting with humans ( possibly a human plot to stop ghoul murdering ) so ghouls willing to comply are rare.

make this canon

I mean, the Onion can already travel through time, so according to quantum physics it is also possible for them to travel the multiverse in search of universes where people still watch cable.

You're not seeing the issue here. Despite common misconceptions, the minotaur is in the institution because we're on amicable terms that work for our society and the minotaur. A deal like that just can't be made with the werewolves as they "refuse to abide by our lowly mortal machinations."