He had me at: "In times past though not long ago, there lived pigs--in stature, little; in number, three-- who being of an age, both entitled and inspired to seek their fortune, did set about to do thusly."

My daughter's creative writing class watched this. She came home and said, "Woe! Woman who hath birthed me, tis I, thy favorite advanced student entering upon the threshold of thy humble abode! I pray thee that thine will let me screen a video upon computer monitor from an internet website that will make you guffaw with great joy at the sight of it!" When I watched the video, I was very confused, then I realized that my daughter had a way better vocabulary then I did, and now I know where she got it. Thank you comedians!

Now that is how you use a thesaurus

I did this for a Talent Show at school.....and nobody understood it but the English teachers. I still won the grand prize.

As pig three puffed out his chest and tapped it with a hoof, he replied: "It's American made." I almost died laughing.

Causing Pig Two to cry out in dismay, "Well, this knots my knickers!" HILARIOUS!!!

how he kept himself from becomin' tongue-tied is IMPRESSIVE!!!!!!!!!

I'm in college now, and i've had to show this to every english teacher since 9th grade

My good sir, thou hast my sincerest thanks, for I doth, with audacious vigor, must simply declare, without guile or fraud, that this amusing spectacle so sent by your hand, hath fallen upon my eyes and ears to no small delight, and shall indubitably tickle my fancy for at least a fortnight.

This is beyond funny. Tears of laughter describes my reaction. I really appreciate comedy that does not have to resort to shock value or endless profanity laced with sexual innuendo. Great Job, John Branyan, brilliant to say the least!!!

"...splattered second swine shack and shortened his sanctimonious scolding simultaneously!"

How on earth can one remember such exquisite vocabulary.

I am a 60 year old Mom who home schooled all three of my kids; and they all read Shakespear. All I can say to you, kind sir, is that You Nailed It!!!! Great Job!!!

I've watched this a hundred times and still love it!

I keep watching this over and over and over...

I'm still waiting for Shakespearean version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Red Riding Hood, and Jack and the Bean Stalk.

I will soon be an uncle. The child will hear this story... often.

In time past, though not long ago, there lived pigs, in stature, little, in number, three, who, being of an age both entitled and inspired to seek their fortune did set about to do thusly: When they had traveled a distance, pig numbered first spake saying, “Harken Brethren, heed this tempestuous realm! Tarry we long from hearth and home, we shall fair, I fear, *snort* not well!” And so being collectively agreed, but individually impelled, the diminutive swine set about each to erect for himself an abode. Pig numbered one did construct his house from straw. Pig numbered two did likewise, though rather not from straw but instead from sticks. Meanwhile, unique in his imaginings, pig numbered three did erectus his domicile stalwart and garish a structure made from brick entirely. Soon there happened along, as is frequently the scenario in classic tale of protagonist pig or red hooded child - a wolf. Carnivorous nature in full season, he called out to the straw staunched swine saying, “Pray thee, little pig, grant me entrance.” But pig one recalled with sage foreboding that he is mad who trusts in the tameness of a belly pinched wolf and responded immediately, “Nay it shall NOT be indeed! Not by wit or whiskered jowl!” Prepared for this most expected response, the wolf replied immediately, “Then steal thyself, little pig! Forthwith shall I endeavor by employing means both huffing and puffing to dismantle yon flaxen fortress!” Where upon there issued forth from the wolf an exhale of gale proportions that quickly rendered straw hovel to dregs and dross and carried aloft piglet and shattered quarters both. Exposed now to claw and fang, piglet one made haste, wolf in pursuit, to the stick festooned sanctum of peccary secondary. Causing pig two to cry out in dismay, “Well, this knots my knickers! The marshaling of feral wolf to my doorstep is nowhere among those endeavors amenable nor congenial!” “A thousand pardons!” Squealed one. ”T’would seem the beast’s baneful breath has purged me of home and sound judgment alike!” The mighty maelstrom of the wolf’s exhale…splattered second swine’s shack and shortened his sanctimonious scolding simultaneously. “Low and behold!” Squealed two, “stand we now amid wooded wreckage, tremulous and vulnerable with nary a strategy for eschewing the canine devourer looming in deadly proximity!” “Strategy?” Squealed one, “While ‘tis noble to contemplate tactical particularities, pressed as we are with the time restraint forbidding detailed strategical conversations, I would URGE WE RUN!” Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Whether by their own fleet footed competence or the wolf’s windless attitude, the diminutive swine arrived at their ultimate kindred neighbor’s inexpugnable brick ingress unscathed. Upon the third pig’s door with urgent hooves they pounded calling out, “Unbar this entrance and with haste, we beseech thee!” The third pig haled from the American colonies, And possessing a vocabulary substantially less robust than his impromptu visitors replied, “Say what?” “Seek we sanctuary!” They implore on the verge of hysteria, “Lest we fall forthwith to the ravenous appetency of yonder approaching carnivore!” Still confounded by their importunate words, Pig three did render ajar his portal whereupon one and two spilled through and collapse beyond the threshold, enervated. “So y’all just wanted to come in? You could’a said that.” The sinister hiss of the wolf could once again be heard outside, “Pray thee pigs, grant me entrance!” “The wolf!” said one and two. “Wolf?” said three, “What’chya suppose he wants?” “He seeks to gain purchase within, indeed he would occupy this very alcove were he but afforded the most meager of opportunities!” “Right…I’m just gonna go ask him what he wants.” “Under no circumstances!” Squealed two flinging self bodily against the portal, “there is naught to be gained accosting external opponent save our immediate demise!” “What did you say about my momma?” House and occupants were again engulfed in a malevolent blast of wolfish wind. The foundation shook, the frame rattled, and low, to the astonished eyes of piglet and encroaching scoundrel alike, stood the third pig’s lodging undaunted. (Good news for you, pig fans.) Aghast and dismayed, pig two quarried of three, “How does, against such relentless and torrential onslaught, this domicile endure?” Pig three, puffed out chest, tapped a hoof to the hearth and responded, “It’s American made.”

This is not Elizabethan English but a clever parody of it. Bravo!

Most beautiful version of this story, I have yet to hear. As well, HELL YEA! AMERICAN MADE BABY

"NOT BY WIT OR WHISKERED JOWL!" This guy is so awesome.

Oh please rewrite and create a colection of all fairy tales, please.

my language arts teacher went to school with this guy

The moral of the story is, make sure your house is American made

As a hardcore story junky and lover of fairy tales and nursery rhymes and Shakespeare in pure form, I say this is by far the best version of the three little pigs that I have ever heard. John Branyan--you are brilliant! and your lexicon is greatly expanded and I thoroughly have enjoyed this bit!!! Thank you thank you! Hilarious.

Does it make me a nerd if I understood him perfectly?

Is it just me, or is Piglet #3 actually Ron White in disguise?

How long do you think it took him to practice that.

Excellent .175 people wonder if it comes on DVD .

Would love it if you create a whole album of nothing but nursery rhymes like this. Hilarious! Also would love to see the effect of someone who actually speaks Queens English to someone who claims they only read the King James Version. It would be a great social experiment.

I use this and his book in my High school English class to teach teach Shakespeare. it introduces the language in a form the kids can grasp...

It is a brilliant comedy routine. John has published it as a delightfully illustrated booklet you can order from him.

My class watched the and counted the different ways of saying house. We got 12/13 without the double ups

I'm an English teacher and I'm totally going to show this in class :D

I love it when comedians crack themselves up!

First saw this in Grade 10 English class. Still brilliantly humorous to this day.

Still watch this. It cheers me up so much on a bad day; and is a delight on a good one.

I remember him performing this bit at a church in Virginia and the silence was deafening

One of the best comedic bits ever created. Epic and gets me every time, God bless.

This is hilarious! I would love to have a whole book of stories written in this style--love it.

Have to view this ever six months or so for a superlative giggle :D

He does such a brilliant job of vocalizing each character.

what'd you say about my momma? lol

[giggling] Lovely job. ^_^ I actually grew up reading classics-my mother thought they were necessarily appropriate for children to read, so I'd get handed Ernest Hemingway while being forbidden to read Goosebumps. My stepfather and brother and others would mimic archaic style and verbiage but completely mess it up-they mangle syntax or word usage or something. Branyan obviously had a clue and was using it on purpose. Not the easiest to do. Kudos to him for that. :)

The best presentation of John Branyan's "Shakespearian Telling of the Three Little Pigs". He has done this comedy for many years and a number videos of it are on You Tube. This one, in my opinion, is the best....

hi. I love this. I wish you would do the rest of the fairtales like this. As historians and linguists I and my friends would love more of these.

I don't care if it's not "Old English", this is wonderful and I love it! (BTW: keep up the Poddy Time podcasts, Tim!!!)

AWESOME! Now, do Goldilocks and the Three Bears

I love vocabulary, and I love how John kept laughing as he thought ahead on what ridiculous things he was about to say. :P

Thine Love for ye old classics and the good hearted nature of thine old English language maketh me love thy study of linguistics be thus RENEWED!

I say old chap. thwas extraordinarily well executed. Bravo.

By far one of my favorite videos of his!

One of the funniest things I have watched in quite a while. This made my morning!

i've seen this several times, and it's always achingly funny. Not just the language, but the delivery. He's a marvel.

It was after midnight in a motel room with some other girls from science club when one of them looked this up on my computer. We had just checked in, and were supposed to get up early to get to my state's Science Olympiad to compete. Obviously, we were exhausted, but also wired. So we decided to watch/share a couple of our favorite KZfaq videos before going to sleep. In those days, kids would know KZfaq, but no one bothered to get an account because it wasn't worth it. We just remembered some cool stuff and shared it with friends if it came up. So probably 10 years ago. Naturally, we had to watch it a couple times to get all the giggles out before we actually went to bed. But the bedtime story did the trick. We were up on time and ready to go before the chaperones and the boys. 10/10 will always recommend, even 10 years later.👍

LOVE this! Never fails to make me laugh until my sides hurt!

I've seen this a hundred times and it makes me laugh every single time.

You are to be commended. This was fantastic. I may have peed myself a little.

this is the 2nd time I've listened to it.

Amazing. Tho I was compelled to adjust the delivery to a slower pace, I must declare that if Shakespeare had been introduced in this fashion to me as a child I would probably have become a professional historical languages wordsmith.

he needs to make this into a book. I would buy it

I've listened to this more times than I can count and I laugh every time. Good stuff!

that shakespearean nursey tale was awesome

Every time I listen to this routine, I always wonder how many hours it took him to get it perfect. It's a classic!

Sir I applaud you. This piece now stands in my estimation paramount among its rivals in comedic performance. *claps*

One of the most hilarious things I've ever heard. John Branyan must have done this hundreds of times. You can in later versions that the performance is more polished.

That was the absolute best version I ever saw/heard!!!

Splattered second swines shack and shortened sanctimonious scolding simultaneously

This was... hilarious! My English teacher showed us this today, and I was laughing so much, that I fell out of my seat and laughed under my desk for a few seconds. She thought I was dying.

I loved this - fabulously creative and inspired! Thank you John! I have just sent this link to all my friends in the UK.

Never gets old, love it!

I have seen and heard several tellings of the story. This is one of my favorites.

Wow this was awesome! And hysterical as a fan and amateur student of linguistics.

I saw this live last night. I loved the part where he said "Say what." xD Best part.

Saw this bit live yesterday. Funniest segment of the whole show! Well done.

What joy doth this bring to mine ears! Truly, an encouragement to increase the size and facility of our vocabulary.

That was amazing XD. I couldn't remember the first 3 lines let alone the whole story XD.

It’s been AGES since I’ve watched this video but I’m so glad I randomly remembered it today

That was the greatest story EVER!!! Definitely buying the book! VERY creative, it was AWESOME!!!

That is absolutely awesome!

We watched this in my english class and it's still funny to this day 😂😂

Terrific, thank you. I'm still laughing !

This was HILARIOUS!

Still one of the best videos ever.

That was the most awesome thing I have seen in 2011. Thank you!

Hilariously awesome! Great job!

love love love it! Shared! too funny!

This is so fantastic

Best version ever!

Wonderful talent love this!❤

OMG!!! Tooooo Funny!!! Love it!!! Great Job, Mr. Branyan!

We just saw John Branyan tonight for the first time. He appeared with Tim Hawkins in Carmel, Indiana. We LOVE Tim Hawkins! John is hysterical as well! One of the highlights of the evening was John's telling of the 3 Little Pigs in Shakespeare-like vocabulary. We laughed so hard we thought we'd pee ourselves!

Exhale of strong proportions!! Love it!!

yeah i'm def buying the illustrated storybook for this

I love this!

So great!

I could listen to this everyday !

You know what's weird? I have no idea what he just said nor could I repeat it. Yet...I understand every bit of that story. Lol

Nothing short of brilliant!

What a great act man.