Hi Kati! I wanted to say thank you for making these videos focused on action. Too often I find videos about mental health that describe the problem but provide no solution. The action steps from your video on CEN have really helped me to heal and I'm glad I found this video as well. Thank you, again!!!

I litsen and my fear ls gone

Maybe you could ask them for a temporary break or say that you need some more time to yourself overall? That doesn't mean it has to end completely. And its also okay to not share absolutely everything, whether its physical items or something you want to keep secret

I'm doing the same thing

Me too, I really want to be loved but the minute it happens I run away. I just shut down😑😑😑

this is me..

@@thandozuma8740 same I fell in love with one girl and want to tell my feelings, I just want to be relaxed in a long term relationship!

Bro same!

Me too! I have been sheltered thorough high school and I have “symptoms” of fear of intimacy

Same!

Do your parents use to hug you or kiss you ???? Hold your hands ?? Sleep with you ? Comfort you ?? Were they open minded that you can share anything with them ??? They respect your space or privacy?? If yes ! Then Idk cause you should seek professional. If NO then it's your childhood trauma . I went through same . My parents gave all materialistic things to me but they never really showed affection to me ! As 19 year old adult I crave praises , affection, comfort and physical affection. No matter how much I need all this . I can't accept it because of fear of abandonment . I can't trust anyone . As a medical student being healthy mentally, physical and spiritual comes first for me . I'm working on my self but people around me aren't that same . They don't even know they're adult babies !! They haven't grown up mentally. Imagine they're going to be future doctor and they don't have any idea how mental health is important. Seeing them making fun of someone have psychological problems I feel terrible. I never told I have any trauma or problems. I better treat my self silently

The shame behind sex and intimacy when you’re sheltered can be worse. Idk if your family is religious, a know lost shelters families are, and religion shames sex a lot.

Same here 🙌

Well said.

I like to call it "fake it till you fake it" because that's all we're practicing. Authentic feelings are more difficult and require vulnerability, especially if we rarely allow or are even capable of vulnerability. A mask is useful for survival, but it's a terrible way to live.

@@PuntedKitten YES!!! So true re faking anything. That mask is still on. Good point, Jeff.

I understand you there on that one,. Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it.

No kidding man... I was with this girl for the last 8 years only to find out she was a covert narcissist and never even liked me let alone love me at all the entire time...I know this because she straight up told me that on the last day I saw her as she progressively and strategically turned the last 2 years of us being together into one hell of a nightmare sideshow circus man... Between being constantly caught back and forth of the wtf mind games, confusion, deceit, scandalous happenings, feeling betrayed... It took my soul away for real I don't even feel like I used to be and I'm struggling like I'll never find myself again.... Ive told her things in my life no one else knows as well and in good faith too... well she turned around and used a ton of them to exploit me to everyone man. She weaponized everything I've told her when I was in a vulnerable state. So many things man...so many. The worst part about this too is that shv was my first and only relationship I've ever had or been in my entire life and I'm 32... So it's all I know of that I have nothing to compare it too so Im stuck thinking that's what it is and why would anyone want that so bad what's the hype for just to get everything come crashing down and shattering everything in your being. And for goodness sake if you think your with someone who is a narcissist or has tendencies.... Run, get away from them now, I don't care what you gotta do but just go. Don't even say anything just take the car and go don't ever look back because I miss how I once was before her and all the madness I never saw coming and you won't see it coming until your already caught and basically screwed already. This shit being in a relationship with her wasn't worth losing myself over. As much as I thought I wanted to be with someone like the rest of the world...she really fuxkd me up enough to ask myself why does everyone like doing this and want this to be part of their lives if this is how it is and where you wind up at? After that experience I feel like it's a joke or something. I had a ton of love to give and now I feel like an empty shell and majorly abandoned how she went about leaving and everything leading up to that point... after 8 years man... Wtf

How are you saying you have/had fear of intimacy if you had sex at all?

@@eo6637 because of triggers that’s what implemented the fear, when I did decide to have sex which I was very nervous during, the man I was with took it slowly ensuring I was ok at each stage such as I was ok to cuddle, moving into a kiss etc etc. this wasn’t a jump into sex straight away thing there were plenty of times where things got heated between us and I got too uncomfortable to move any further, he proved that I was always in control so I knew that at any point I could say “no” or that I wanted to stop and he would stop immediately. This build up allowed me to adjust to the different stages to find how I was feeling every step of the way.

@@blackwidow5105 Your reply does make me realize how badddddd I am if your description is "fear of intimacy". You were very fortunate to not have PTSD. Even the thought of being alone in the same room with a man, let alone touch, makes me feel like vomiting, heart racing, panic, tunnel vision, flashbacks...

@@eo6637 everyone deals with it in there own way I’m so sorry that you suffer with PTSD. I think for me it was more the fear of having control taken away due to past events rather than the actual act of sex itself. Had my past experience gone further than what it had maybe that would have been different. As I say it took many baby steps before I felt comfortable to go to different stages. Even now there are parts of my body which are still no go zones, to some this seems silly and hard to understand but to me they are a trigger. And if and when this happens I do experience panic, and memories but thankfully no longer flashbacks and it doesn’t take me as long to ground myself now. The one other thing I try to avoid is a certain aftershave, I honestly never knew smells could trigger until my now ex partner had brought a certain aftershave (unknowingly) and it ended up being one of my biggest triggers, thankfully he got rid of it and never wore it around me again. I really hope you are doing ok

@@blackwidow5105 Thanks. I’m not doing ok quite honestly. Can I ask a question that might sound harsh but how did you find someone willing to deal with your anxiety? I’ve never experienced anyone willing to wait for me, so I’m struggling to understand what you “have” that I don’t have that makes you so worthwhile and valuable that this guy sticks with you despite not getting to do whatever he wants. Like do you look like Megan fox? Do you have the best personality known to man? Are you funny? What is it that makes someone respect you and wait for you? Genuinely wondering because I am so miserable

soooooo truuuuuu

You’re like push and pull it’s really hard exhausting and you can’t explain yourself enough cause they won’t understand that you need help more than anything

Oh yeah, same. Hope you learn how to feel better about yourself :)

Honestly the type of partner I’m looking for is someone who is also highly sensitive, I get frustrated a lot bc I don’t seem to see the type of partner I want in our work-driven and often cruel society. So, hang in there 🤍 There are others out there like us!

For sure that high value content is everywhere but that's just another defence against true closeness ❤

This hits home to me! I’m helping a guy friend of mine through the same issue as we are both outliers lol. Me being not ladylike doesn’t make me less as a woman and it doesn’t automatically mean I’m gay haha. Now that I embrace my masculine traits and stop neglecting my feminine traits, I feel better than ever. Best of luck to you!

@@prapanthebachelorette6803 this girl I have a crush on is kind of masculine but I like how independent she is.

I feel the same way

Be yourself anyway! Read Louise Hay❤

So doing evil immoral acts is about being an adult? So I guess I be not adult so I good remain being a good person

@@Joel-pg4yi Nobody asked for your opinion about sex.

You say that as if it's inevitable. It's not going to happen this time! I believe in you.

But also, very relatable. I'm terrified too. Too terrified to even start. 😬

@@Anna133199 Oh God thank youu! It was kind of a rant, I never thought someone would see it so it means a lot 💜 It is totally up to me if I'm gonna "ruin" this relationship or not but you know how it is, I'm just simply terrified. I thought about telling him exactly how I feel but then i started overthinking about how he may think that there are things truly wrong with me. I don't usually care really but when you like someone, you unfortunately care too much I guess 😅 I hope things turn out to be great for you as well! I really hope that you find that courage in you to be who you want & with who you wanna be with. Again, thank you 🙂💜

This comment resonates with me so much. I find it very difficult to open up to people I have an interest in. I feel ashamed to human, to have emotion, mental health problems, and I have these great fear of sex and intimacy. I always keep my physical and emotional distance from others and I don't touch anyone, I prefer to wave than to shake hands etc. I'm in a pickle at the moment because I like this guy and I asked him if he is seeing someone/girlfriend etc and he sounds like he is interested in me, but now I'm all scared to continue talking to him, in case I develop super strong feelings and start getting all mental and emotional and then he is gonna give up me thinking I'm a nutcase. I'm also worried that if things do develop between us, that my fear of sex is gonna cause a huge problem for both of us coz I can't do it unless I trust someone, but trust does t come overnight. It takes ages to build trust and most people who are comfortable with sex can't wait. I'm trying to find a way to swiftly get over my fear of sex so I can finally have a normal relationship with someone. I really hope you are all coping and doing well to improve on your mental/emotional struggles. All the best to all of you.

Aww thanks Iris. I hope you're having a good week and creating fun art :)

@@Katimorton I'm having a great week, thank you!! I hope the same for you and Sean obviously :) I like that that's what you think of when you see my messages ❤️ I've been in a slump for months (I blame my meds) but I want to pick up digital art again once I've saved enough to get an iPad

Yeah, my parents were pretty good but my classmates made it extremely clear for years that the idea of anyone ever liking me was ridiculous and that any signs of vulnerability were dangerous, and there's some part of that they never 100% goes away.

Yes exactly

Childhood trauma doesn't always mean physical abuse or anything traumatic. Just experiencing your dad have anxiety can be a form of trauma that affected you. I learned that my trauma was not learning how to be open about my feelings with my parents. So that is a part of trauma. I wish experts would remind everyone that trauma doesn't have to be something extreme like neglect or abuse. It could be subtle things that are considered trauma.

You are correct because this is me too... I just wish I knew how to work with it and get passed this so I wouldn't shut down at times making me feel so awkward to uncomfortable then the woman tells me she feels like I rejected her which isn't the case which then makes me feel even worse off because that's not what I intended at all.... Yeah. It's really difficult and not one woman has been able to even be cool enough to think or ask me am I ok it's just go into being pissed off to throwing out a bunch of hateful words that really puts somebody that's already down , so much further down on top of that and ultimately leaves me with more crap compiled with the last few I tried to be intimate with. It's unreal trying to get comfortable enough to open up at all I feel doomed

that sounds really hard connor i hope things are getting better for you :(

You are so welcome!

May I offer my meager opinion? You are NOT a "lost case" and NOT a waste of a therapist's time. The type of trauma you endured is significant and exactly what therapy is good for. And the fact that you can get therapy for free is just frosting on the cake! You can call the therapist's office and say you want to talk to someone experienced with childhood sexual abuse. Good luck.

Hey, I just found your comment to be very touching and I wanted to tell you that there's still hope. You have identify what you want and how to (by trying to go to therapy) or looking at this channel :p . You're not a lost case or a waste of time, you matter and you know that the first relationship you have to heal is the one you have with you for now. I went to therapy after I lost my mom, it was hard but I knew i needed it. After the covid it took me months to take that appointement to go see a new therapist. I thought I could never do it but I did, even if it was very, very hard this time. It's ok to be scared, or to take your time. My point being : you can do this. I hope you'll find strength to go see one, your well being worth it ! ❤‍🩹

Thank you for sharing, your story truly moved me and I can relate. You don't have to apologize for anything, what happend is not your fault, you are not a waste of time. Everyones experience is uniq but i want you to know that you are not alone eventough i know it might feel that way ❤️ A big struggle for me was how sociaty really puts pressure on us to be in a relationship at a certain age. Adding that anxiety to us who already struggle with relationships is so unhelpful. When you are ready for it is up to you and you only. I struggle with shame and fear intimicy and I have never been in a relationship either, im turning 25 soon. I have always wanted it but the fear have been in the way. I have low self esteem and struggle with self worth. For me it was not until i was 23 that I decided to go for love if it came my way. Fun thing was that soon after it did show up and in the form of someone i really trust. Unfortunatly our insecurities stopped us a bit but we're still working on it. Something thats been very healing to me is learning about vulnerability and shame and to start healing the relationship to myself. Not dealing with my fears by trying to fix me but rather learning im enough. Intimicy is still hard but im healing, aiming for progress rather then perfection. It's not easy but its woth it. Sending you love and support and I wish you feel better soon ❤️❤️❤️

Stop thinking about therapy and just do it. Everybody should. Even those people that look perfect and with no problems in life need therapy. Stop procrastinating and finding excuses, I know how you feel, I waited all my life for a therapy that would have been much easier when I was a child. The more time passes by, the harder the therapy. Call now if you haven't done so in the meanwhile. I will cross my fingers for you!

@@Andrewjc222 don’t give up. It isn’t an easy way but doable. I’m better, telling this others than make myself believe it. I hope you will find a way to be okay with it 🤞

it's totally possible. Introversion can often be an adaption to past experiences ❤

SAME, HERE!

I am feeling this...

My questions aside your video is very interesting and well explained: love the take yourself out on a date!

You're welcome!

I'm not disgusted but I'm easily embarrassed, sometimes even by things like intense emotional conversations or kissing on TV.

It honestly ruined my life, there’s this girl who is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, but I ended up pushing her away when things escalated in our relationship. I want her to understand that I really do love her, but idk I feel like I’m cursed to be alone.

I never told my parents as I thought they’d think something weird of me, lol I was a fucking child (9 years old to be exact). Can you imagine what that would do to a little kids brain?

I think thats normal dude. A few years back I learnt that its a normal thing that quite a few man have.

@@SCee_910 yeah, its a fairly common thing for most men. I wish I’d known that when I was younger.

Definitely ❤

I feel guilty as I’m a guy and I’m terrified of intimacy