Thanks again to Eight Sleep for sponsoring today's video. Head to www.eightsleep.com/ca/abbey/ and use code ABBEY to get $350 off Pod 4 Ultra.

"Under-fueling your body literally hijacks a healthy brain" COMPLETELY sums up my ED experience. Your mind, experience, and judgment is so compromised. Recovery is wonderful and so worth it!

Thank you. As I was a baby ballerina at 4 and danced until my mid 20s, I've struggled with EDs all my life. Now at 63, I eat the same things everyday and exercise constantly to validate what I eat. I get that dopamine rush when people say how thin and disciplined I am. If only they knew how all consuming it is. Again, thank you for sharing. I have to make a change ❤

Your pup wanting to hold your hand is so sweet! 🥰 Also, anxiety and IBS-D here. It suuuuuucks. Therapy helps!

It's always anti sugar stuff that kicks it off, isn't it. It was for me too. I was a biochemistry undergraduate and I had to take modules on metabolism. I remember sitting in a middle of a lecture about diabetes. I was struggling with binge eating at the time, so my diet was pretty terrible (and I spent a large amount of time constipated, with horrible stomach pains). And my head started reeling when the lecturer was talking about prediabetes. I was convinced that I must be prediabetic. If I didn't change my diet quickly I was definitely going to get diabetes! And from there it was downhill. I began cutting out sugary foods. It became even worse a few months later when I also became convinced that my teeth were going to rot, and I began cutting out even more carbohydrates. Lockdown helped me recover because I moved back home to my family, though I did lose a lot of weight during this time. And this is why the MASSIVE anti sugar push online screams danger to me. Yes, too much added sugar isn't good. But you also NEED sugar to live. Your cells function on glucose! You should NOT be cutting out fruits, bread, rice, etc (unless you have worked with an ACTUAL doctor to help with a DIAGNOSED medical condition).

Aww... Giving the paw all the time! What a cutie! 🥰

I still remember an ad on Nickelodeon from when I was a kid telling you to avoid hidden sugar. “Fructose, sucrose, dextrose snd maltose. All words that rhyme with GROSS” and they dressed the sugar up to look evil. Maybe the intention was good but my perfectionist self did NOT take well to that. Appreciate you sharing your story

Best advice I ever got: if you’re looking for a sign to recover, just having that thought is your sign. Do it.

As a “husky” child of the 80s, I feel like you’re describing the rollercoaster I had been on since being put on my first diet at age 12. I’m almost 40 at this point and feel like I’m finally learning to break the cycle. ❤

Thank you for sharing! I just took the first step today in scheduling an initial appointment with an ED recovery program and I'm feeling so nervous, but your content has been so inspirational and helpful to me. I truly don't know if I would have taken this step had it not been for finding your videos. Thank you for everything you do 🩷

Abbey, I adore you! This is your most open personal confession I have seen on your channel over several years. I wished so much to give you a hug while listening you. I have been struggling with anxiety, OCD, OCPD and orthorexia for more than 30 years. I am almost 46 now. I have made peace with myself and accepted my weaknesses, trying to live as well as possible, because I know that I will never get rid of them.

Your dog putting their paws on you is so sweet. 💞

Got put on a 1,000 calorie diet when I was 10 or 11 right before hitting a growth spurt because I was “husky” . I’m 59. It’s always int the background, but mostly inactive. Anyway I know they meant well but when I hit the teen years, I dieted down from 135 to 99. I’m 5’8. That need for affirmation came from having a mentally ill mom who was mostly hospitalized and a dad who used alcohol to cope with raising me and a sister with a borderline intellectual disability. I could go into a long discussion of how that affected me in other ways, but healing is possible! Love the non restrictive approach and try to incorporate at least one fear food daily!

I saw an old picture of me and I was like woah what the heck I was so skinny. I had an ed and undiagnosed celiac disease so it was bad. I gained 30 pounds afterwards and then in the future 5 more pounds. The 5 pounds from my birth control. Really helped me feel healthier

Your pup being a main character and making sure you are ok ❤❤ much love to you Abby and thank you for shining some light on mental health x

Thank you for sharing. I've recently been forced to confront the fact that my relationship with food is nowhere near as good as I was pretending it was. The part where you spoke about getting the dopamine hit from other people's validation of your "willpower" really hit home. I've always been slim and feel an intense pressure to stay that way. I've been skipping meals and consciously trying to control what I eat since I was nine years old. As I've got older I've applies the same obsessive tendancies to exercise (must hit a certain number of steps, burn a certain of calories etc). Every positive comment reinforces the idea that I'm "winning" by doing this. I thought I was better but recently have found myself paralysed by thoughts about food - being so unbelievably hungry but unable to eat any of the food in the house because none of it is "good". I finally broke down a few weeks ago and told my partner of 12 years about all of it. He doesn't really understand but he really wants to help, so we're trying to figure out the best way for him to do that.

Poppy giving paw 😍

I have so much emotions over this video.. In high school I started to eat less cause I convince myself I was not hungry. When people asked question , I lied . Then a guy I barely knew told me I will disapear if I continued like that. I realised I had a problem, slowly forced myself to eat more. It was pretty good for few years. Then I started to binge and eat my emotions.. Gained lots of weight over the years. Few months ago, at 45, I decided to loose weight. Reduced my portions, stop snacking in the evening. it's working, people are complimenting me, I feel good. But your video made me realised I'm slowly going back to my high school habit... I need to find a balance and it's not easy !

I’ve been watching your channel for years and never clicked so fast on one of your videos before. You’ve helped me to understand one of my loved ones who has had an ED, so much better! Thank you for all of your content! Love you and your videos!

I've dipped my toes into anorexia theritory multiple times. The worst time was 11 years ago. I went through a terrible relationship situation. Along with the ED came some paranoia and panic attacks as well as learnd helplessness and medium level depression (yes I have been to a psychologist, not self diagnosed). I would eat as little as I could, often feeling dizzy. I started to love the hunger pains, they made me feel strong and in control of at least one aspect of my life. Also during that time I started running regularly. I was avoiding social situations that involved food. When I was out with friends and there was food, like at a market I would say "oh I love these, too bad I just had dinner, next time I need to get one" just to distract them. In reality that food I used to love disgusted me. For me it was never fear of food, but disgust. It was bad. In a way running saved me. A friend guided me with my training. He told me in order to get better at running I had to eat. I trusted him and started eating a little more. Shortly after I started a new internship where lunch and snacks were provided and eaten with the team. That got me back to eating somewhat normally again while still losing weight. Initially I had to, at that point I allready was at a normal weight but not happy yet. Throughout the winter I had gotten rid of the anorexia and decided to relax a little with the diet, the weather didn't allow for so much running with all the icy roads. By spring I had gained 2-3 kilos from my lowest weight and that included the holidays and I was back out running 3-4 days a week. But then I hurt my knee so badly that when I dropped something I would think twice if I really still needed this because just picking it up was so insanely painfull. Needless to say that from that point on the weight slowly came back as the pain lasted for over a year. I still hate my fomer primary care doctor for this lack of care in those years. I went to him describing depression symptoms right out of a textbook (as I later learned). Not knowing about it I thought it might have been some vitamin deficiency. He said that isn't a thing where we live and to just get off my ass and do things. Over the years I lost 5-10 kilos and slowly gained and gained some more, lost a bit again, gained some of it, lost some, gained some. Last year when my new (and amazing) doctor and I were figuring out the right dose of thyroid medication I gained a bunch. And this year due to a very bad case of gastritis I gained some more. Just this week I weighed in at my highest weight ever. I am now close to a 35 bmi and at this point my blood markers are still ok, but I start to struggle with the weight. Now it is about preventing morbidity. I know exactly what I need to do, but the mental aspect is hard. Sometimes I still think how easy losing weight in that horrible time was and wish I could do this again. I really don't want that anorexia back, it is just a thought that crosses my mind.

Thank you for being so vulnerable and open 💖 Your dog constantly trying to hold your hand through this video absolutely killed me .. 😢❤

Thank you for this real, raw, vulnerable account of your journey. Feel better soon! ❤

Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your heart with us. Really was so healing for me as I often felt like I was “failing at my ED” by shifting my attention towards my career. You are so empowering and your content has really helped me chart a new path of healing. Thanks Abbey.

I just love how you expline things Thanks for sharing, Abbey! ❤

I've been binging your content for weeks now as it helps to maintain the mindset of not getting back to "orthorexic way of thinking". The cycle of restriction-binge is so difficult to get out of, especially as I need to lose fat for health reasons. I also suffer from ADHD, anxiety, IBS and Hashimoto. The journey is sooo damn difficult sometimes. But I wanted you to know that your videos makes a difference. I used to listen to fitness influencers and their advice only wortsen my ED. So thanks a lot for your Channel and your honest and relatable vulnerability. Makes me feel less lonely.

Thank you so much for being so real and showing this more vulnerable side of yourself! Even though you've been facing a lot of challenges in your life, I see in you a strong woman that was meant so succeed in life. Hopefully this can help other people realize it's okay to ask for help to feel better ❤️

Thank you Abby ❤ You really said it all.. the why in recovery from Ed is so important for healing. I really relate to your story, thank you for sharing 🫶

So happy to see your puppy buddy for this one. 😊 Thank you for sharing your story. ❤

Thanks for sharing your journey. I think as a human being we always have something to work on, as we all are a work in progress, no matter what profession we are in. And being able to admit that is something really liberating. My prayer is that we all have someone to turn to whenever we are struggling with something❤

you're one of the youtbers I most love, I watch your contents for years now, and just love them all😍😍😍

GO Abbey Go! I admire your candour and strength :) This story totally explains why you got into nutrition and are now still making your living off of it, it is like you wanted to get rid of your own issues, and with that are now trying to help others get help and handle their food issues. I appreciate your work.

When you said you couldn’t have chai anymore that really resonated with me. I can’t eat carrots cause I ate only carrots for so long it took me two years to stop being orange :/ also instant Nescafé coffee… there’s so many foods/drinks I can’t have anymore and usually it’s because it was the only thing I ate for months :/

I see myself in you so much, it's crazy. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤ I also developed binge eating disorder after orthorexia and have big problems with anxiety and medication also was a life saver for me. I feel so seen and I'm happy to not be alone in this. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this Abbey 💖

Thanks for sharing Abbey, my anxiety and bulima have def contributed to IBS and vice versa... the struggle.

New subscriber!! Thank you for sharing and making me feel like I’m not alone.

thank you for your honesty and wisdom, it's a big mental load, much love to you and those who struggle

I am 59 and when i was 19 my aunt died or Anorexia she was 35 she had ED her whole life my mom said she could rember since she was 2 years old throwing her food out the window ! Ultimately she got addicted to Enemas and tore her bowels and died a horibbile death sadly !! My grandparents spent thousand of dollars sending her to rehab and this was in the 1960 and 1970 so sad its a miserable addiction !! So glad to hear your story to give people hope !!

Thank you for sharing your story and being so open.

Thank you so much for this! I've had diabulimia since my early teenage years - basically, it's when a type 1 diabetic doesn't take enough insulin either to make hunger go away or to lose weight rapidly and very unsafely. I also had issues taking more insulin than I should have simply because if my blood sugar was low, i could eat carbs without feeling guilty. I'm almost 42 now and it's still a struggle. My entire childhood I wasn't allowed to eat fruit because of the carb and sugar content, so I feel guilty eating an apple even now. I'm still quite heavy since all the damage i did to my body and metabolism took its toll, but my diet is constantly improving and I'm able to exercise more and actually enjoy it most of the time.

This video is exactly what I needed rn tysm Abby ❤❤

Best video you have ever made. Thank you!!

Abby, thank you so much for your work! A couple of years ago I also struggled with eliminating all kinds of food in an attempt to alleviate health issues, which lead me down a path of being underweight, loosing periods, feeling exhausted and miserable. This episode of yours has prompted me to share with you that your outlook on nutrition was one of the things which has helped me healing from this.

I resonate with your story so much. Crazy how similar your experience was to mine.

This story is truly inspiring and something that I can share some relate to. The binge-starve process, as well as being obsessed with living a "healthy" lifestyle, was (and still is at times) a big factor that played into a decline of my mental health for years. Although I still went out to dinners with family and friends, I was never able to fully enjoy myself. Looking back now, I can say that it saddens me that I had missed out on some amazing foods and cuisine whenever I travelled anywhere that was out of my regular town restaurants. I do still like to lead with a healthy lifestyle, and the fear of certain foods may always stay in the back of my mind while recovering from orthorexia, but I will never say no to taking bites out of delicious plates of food. I can also relate to wanting to pursue nutrition as my career. Safe to say, it was due to my obsession with food/fitness and wanting to know what and how foods were controlling my body. I absolutely love nutrition still, but I recognized that it was not a healthy route for me to go down if I wanted to get better with my disordered eating.

Thank you for sharing your story and struggles! ❤ It must be very difficult to talk about this issue! As someone who struggles with orthorexia, it means a lot that you shared you story❤ I also have ADHD and perfectionism, and never had anyone told me that they helped my ED. Thank you🥺 I hope this storry will help and touch a lot of people.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I really helps understand and deal with things like that

This is so relatable and enlighting Abbey. I need to get on the therapy train is what I'm realizing more and more...

This was such a good watch. You're so brave for putting this out there Abbey (esp.the trust the skinny cook part 🤭)

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are so brave ❤

Fellow RD.. My story is very similar to yours. Thank you for sharing your story!❤

Thank you for this video! I’m currently working on losing a bit of weight and I’ve been trying to do it in a healthy way without slipping into obsession, (im a huge fan of your videos, they’ve been super helpful!!) and this video has really helped me reflect on my behaviors and which ones are keepers and which ones I should get rid of. Thank you ❤

Thank you for sharing your story. ❤ I think your story is so relatable to so many people. I’m so glad I found your channel. I feel like your approach to eating is with common sense ( not that common sense is always common in this world) ❤

Your honesty is so refreshing and inspiring. I've experienced the same restrictive style of eating and the high of the praise that comes from the weight loss I'm currently struggling with binge eating when im stressed. Which is ALL the time with a 3 year old and 1 year old. Your videos inspire me to heal my relationship with food.

Thank you so much for your vulnerability and telling your story. I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia & IBS in 2019 associated with disordered eating. I was a gymnast and dancer growing up and have struggled with food and healthy eating since childhood. Intermittent fasting is something I still do and then binge as you have described. It is a constant battle, your book and channel have helped me so much 💛 my family noticed my restrictive, yo-yo dieting and I felt so much shame! It's something I do not talk about but my therapist is helping me. You're an inspiration Abbey. X

Thank you for sharing your story, it means a lot. 🖤💚

Thank you so much x your story is inspiring. I have Bipolar, Aniexty and insomnia diagnosis. So interesting to see how Food and mental health are interlinked. Keep on keeping on, from Anna in New Zealand

Thank you! You've healed so many of our journeys with food, and given us tools to keep making progress. After becoming a mum it was difficult to navigate maintaining a good relationship with food because we are inundated with so many "rules", while needing to return to a healthy weight, and modeling good food relationships for my boys. Your videos have helped me piece a strategy together, but I'd love to learn more about how you managed this and how we can all navigate that three-way balance in a way where there are 1000x more stressors and seemingly 23 less hours in day.

I love, respect and admire your content, knowledge, true, honest, clear words! Thank you ❤ (i hope to get to the point of recovery, where weight gain is not the most horrifying enemy, that it's worth to try anything to avoid it 😕)

Very interesting video, as parts of your story sounded very similar to mine. I was raised by very controlling, paranoid people. In high school I discovered the one thing that was "mine" that they couldn't interfere with because I would keep it from them, was not eating. This was back in the 70s when alot of girls I knew were using jarred baby food for lunch and dinner instead of actual meals and losing weight. The losing weight appealed to me because I had been a chubby kid, that did not go unnoticed and a cause of ridicule. I bypassed the baby food deal; why do that when I could go one better and stop eating breakfast (mom was always asleep), ditched lunch and at dinner when it would look suspicious if I didn't eat, I would take the smallest portions I could without arousing suspicion. I cut out dessert which had been an every night occurrence in our household since I was born. I started going to bed earlier because it was easier to not eat if I was asleep; should I happened to get hungry before bed. As I lost weight I garnered alot of attention from the kids at school in a positive way. That was new and exciting. This system of mine went on for nearly an entire year. No one in my family ever questioned it. But one day at school, I have no idea why, I started getting ferociously hungry and just could not resist purchasing a candy bar at the student store. Well, that led me down a rabbit hole of returning to eating, which probably saved my life. But the after effects for several years came back to haunt me in the form of bingeing. Although I did not force myself to vomit it back up. I just had a tendency when feeling so hungry that I could not stop sometimes. I was very active physically in high school so I only actually gained about 20 pounds and did not continue into obesity with this. I know this is a bit long, but the kicker of all this is that I thought after I was in my 30s, 40s, 50s, and currently 60s, that was all behind me. Well it wasn't and I had a huge revelation of this during a two year period recently where I developed a digestive disorder that the specialists could not figure out. They finally gave me a vague diagnosis of dyspepsia, but did admit that on scope test I showed quite a bit of damage in the duodenum. They just don't know why. During this time it was extremely difficult to eat enough. My upper stomach would only accept tiny amounts of food every couple hours so I probably was living on 600 calories a day, as I also could not digest any fats during this time without significant pain and nausea. I lost nearly 30 lbs during this time and got SO MANY compliments on how great I looked. I was angry to hear people tell me that because they did not realize how sick I was and how hard I was trying to get a diagnosis. BUT their compliments set off an old trigger I didn't know I still had...so after I started healing and able over time to eat more normal amounts, I of course have steadily been gaining weight back. Which now freaks me out. It's a constant battle in my mind daily, but because of being 67-68 when this last diagnosis happened, I also was losing muscle mass and I developed osteoporosis. So now I am fighting to save my bones because I am terrified of the bone drugs that are available. I guess my main point is, these EDs can come back to haunt you no matter how old or how many years in between. It's scary when I know that at my age it's a fast slide to being possibly disabled just from not eating enough or the right foods for what my body needs. If you have read this whole thing, thank you. I realize it's a very long post.

Thank you for your video, Abbey!

thank you for this abby

Thanks for sharing your story, I’m sorry you had to go through that

thank you for sharing your story and making others feel less alone

JC…. Thank you for this! Although I didn’t have a potential singing career, I went through all of the other stuff. It’s so surreal to hear about the timeline…. The 90s and 00s were a different time that other “generations” don’t understand.

interesting to know you were (and presumably still are) a singer. Thanks for sharing your journey.

Thanks so much for sharing. It gave me a lot to think about and how to work on my why.

Thank you, Abbey ❤

Losing it at the dog wanting to shake hands with you while you speak. So cute!

awesome to hear the real side, no BS, that's why i like and have followed you for awhile (under a different alias but facts anyway)... would like to see the Abbey sharp that took things next level too, i know you've got it in you (yes i'm older and "supposedly" hit my natty limit awhile ago, these folks can't grasp reality sometimes) keep doing what your do'in and don't worry about the haters, you've got this 😎

Litteraly same. Went to a naturopath to help cure my acnee, went out with an ED. Thank you for sharing and making us feel less alone (the comments section

Thank you for this video. I can't go into it too much right now because of time constraints but I have struggled with food, body dysmorphia and my weight at every end of the spectrum. I'm currently working with a dietitian to try to reduce down to a healthy weight. While the plan we have in place is working and feels good both emotionally and physically, i'm also terrified i'm going to slip into that disordered eating pattern again. Hearing your story and the ways you thought which is so similar to the way my mind reacts to food gives me hope that if I'm careful I can do this.

OMG, it feels very similiar to my experience, eventhough I never restricted that much, learned so much about healthy eating during the process and ended from overweight in a healthy weight, which seems good, but the mental part was just the same! It all got worse when anxiety kicked in as fear for my future in my mid 20ies. I needed food to have the feeling of control, the more control the more pressure, the more pressure the less "success" on the scale, the bigger the feelings of guilt & failure. I'm so happy therapy was my way out of it! First important step by my therapist was to give up dieting for the time of theraphy, to focus on healing first. And than, once my depression & anxiety was treated, I managed not to cling my selfworth and my eating together. Once I was happy I didn't need that control anymore. Now I can accept myself and mybody not being perfect, but treating myself good!

Thank you for just saying it: an eating disorder never truly goes away and you are always vulnerable. After suffering between the ages of 12-15, I also found a good place during high school and my young adult life. But it hit my like a train wreck again when I was 27 and it was only during COVID and hitting my 30´s that I was able to do some self reflection and really face my issues and build up coping strategies to try and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

A video on the process of slowly adding calories back to your diet, and recovering would be so beneficial to so many people.

Soooo many similarities between your story and my own orthorexia experience, right down to the undiagnosed adhd 😅 Seriously though, I cooked my family meals all through high school for the exact same reason. Life on the other side is better, thanks for sharing your story 💜

So adorable watching your baby wanting to hold your hand. My Winnie does that😍

“The odds are just not in our favour” i nearly cried hearing this, nearly 4 years since my an0rex!a manifested and i feel so sad and stuck, but this isnt my fault. I hope everyone else knows that too ❤

Thanks for sharing Abbey ❤❤

Thanks for this, loved everything about this video especially the adorable paws of affection !💕

Thank you for getting vulnerable with us, Abbey. I know this wasn’t easy to talk about but your story is important and instructive. I love that you use your talents to help yourself and others. ❤

Thanks for sharing. Being vulnerable on the internet it is not easy for sure 🙏🏻 . So happy you got to recover and find your way of helping yourself and other people.

It’s so refreshing to hear you talk about these topics . Dealing with diets and binging since I can remember and listening to you is healing

omg your dog just constantly holding your hand

This hit hard. 😮‍💨

I’m so glad you shared your story as a person who found your channel not too long ago! I didn’t expect such a brave backstory 💪🏻❤

Love your channel and you ❤️

another banger. 2 great vids in such a short time span! luv ya 💞

Wow Abbey! This story sounds a lot like mine. I also feel like my high school years were some of my best anxiety free times. Then came University, I put so much pressure on myself to perform better than my peers in order to get accepted for my Masters degree, and this lead to my ED which stole 2 beautiful years of my life. Ironically trying to gain control lead to my life spinning out of control. 😢

That’s really helpful but also scary! I have been struggling with orthorexia as well, and I think I’m on the other side (although my gluten intolerance doesn’t help and not being able to let go of that control is sometimes triggering). But now I am starting to have difficulty sleeping. It’s only a few nights a month, but it’s getting more and more frequent. Hope I’m not following on your footsteps for that!!!

Your dog! Adorable!!!! Not to minimize your message. You are spot on! I love your videos. Diet culture is INSANE. How is it normal to "count" your food?? Ugh! I am so tired of all of this. At 61, I've released myself from judging my eating. Adding healthy foods, keeping refined foods to a minimum (but still eating them), and enjoying eating - that's the only philosophy I embrace.

I love this because it is SO real and honest and EXACTLY how ED sounds in the brain and how it looks lived out! Thank you for sharing and laughing at yourself too!

Thanks for sharing Abbey💗💗

It’s definitely a blessing to be that way in high school. To not be insecure about your body, to not have a fat-phobic family that is constantly calling you fat or constantly pointing out when you gain weight. To not have your classmates comment on your weight or to be put on diets at 13. A lot of people have this and they take it for granted. We should be teaching our teenagers, to love their bodies, and that all sizes are beautiful. ❤

This is kind of crazy how closely my story relates to yours. I was trying to control my ibs and it turned into orthorexia.

thanks for sharing!

Thanks for your story. I was anorexic and was over-exercising. Then I was binging-eating afterwards; my body’s way of trying to survive! It took me more than 15 years to have a marginally normal relationship with food. Still working on it. xxxx

The thing I don't get about you is how you don't see that your obsessing over other people's food and meals (ie making videos dissecting every meal's nutrition, macros, and calories) is just another way to... obsess over food.

Thank you for sharing...your pup is adorable.

Please talk about Colleen Christensen. She's a promoter of intuitive eating. I've noticed that she is looking very sick and thin looking. I am wondering if she is relapsing back into anorexia.

Interesting what you said about people with food disorders going into the health industry. I used to work with a woman who was an RD. She always looked good. She was always so thin so my assumption was that she took really good care of herself. But I never saw her eat at any company functions. She might take a bite or two but she just never ate a meal, not once. As not understanding the whole food ED thing back then, people kind of used to make fun of her, telling her she needs to eat, etc. It was just a known thing that she never ate. It has been many years since I've seen her but she seemed really thin, but physically fit. I had never really put the two together.