Midweek with Dr. C- The Narcissist Truly Does Not Know Me

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Жыл бұрын

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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Пікірлер: 312

@Hatbox948 Жыл бұрын

Not only do they not know you, but they won't let you be you.

@malwads1836 Жыл бұрын

Awful isn't it?These screwballs are literally threatened by you just simply being your darn self & functioning as your own entity🤢.

@imstupidandugly Жыл бұрын

I'll go the rest of my life mourning who I could've been and the relationships I could've had with the rest of my family

@bereal6590 Жыл бұрын

Indeed. One of the big negatives. Growing up I hoped they'd divorce but then I thought maybe I'm adopted because I'm nothing like these people and how they want me to be. Years in the toxic camp I succumbed to it and led a half life. Different circumstances different fam who were nurturing and it would be a different story but then nobody gets to choose and many have far far worse is how I think about it. My heart aches for children who never have a chance who could give so much to the world. Instead all the toxic somehow float to the top of society and on and on it goes

@robig.5028 Жыл бұрын

Well said,this was my entire family.i have since gone no contact with all of them.

@tmo.48 Жыл бұрын

@@bereal6590 Wow♡. I use to wonder (and daydream) about being adopted. I watched the show Long Lost Family, even all the reruns, over and over and cried over every single one. I now am glad of my family, no family is perfect, and I am so grateful to GOD for them because I like how I am (still doing alot of work that needs to be done on myself). But I distinctly remember and still kind of wonder to be honest, if I was adopted or found somewhere. Life is life♡♡♡

@profelisa1 Жыл бұрын

"Being religious is not synonymous with being right." I LOVE this!

@realhealing7802 Жыл бұрын

Amen!!!

@KoolT Жыл бұрын

Amen

@stt6794 Жыл бұрын

My narcissist truly did not CARE to know me. 35 years. I'm now working to understand "why did I stay?", and "why was I attracted to him?", and "why did I permit him to manipulate me so many many times?", or "how did I not see this?". THANK YOU DR CARTER.

@kathyhoffman3163 Жыл бұрын

Me too!

@mgb7140 Жыл бұрын

I left after a 32 year marriage. I cried to my therapist after about the same things you did, plus "how could I have believed him lie after lie -- why didn't I see it?" His immediate response was, "Some people are just great liars. It's that simple. It wasn't a failure in you. It was just that he was a fabulous liar." Remember that.

@wildhorses6817 Жыл бұрын

@@mgb7140 Yes, I agree, also was married to covert narc 35 years. Excellent, near perfect LIAR. Even while having an Affair which he advertised for in a foreign Country. He took trips there, she arranged trips here. I had no clue until he physically assaulted me the day he was leaving on a trip. I later searched for information and found Everything including sex videos, etc and filed for divorce. I wasted my life with a Liar, Cheat and Thief. I never lived that type of life. The betrayal was and is devastating.

@aurorachastinay7240 Жыл бұрын

You are so not alone…. It happens to many of us.

@mgb7140 Жыл бұрын

@@wildhorses6817 Betray is such a terrible feeling. Life has lots of "bads." But betrayal by a loved one is devastating. It really makes us question ourselves, our relationships, our lives. I think it is basically the biggest gaslighting there is. (Just thought of that, but I think it's valid.)

@moxiepooties6363 Жыл бұрын

Narcissist doesn't care who you are. They want to project their own garbage on you, and the less they accept or know about you, the better they think it is for them. They are like little kids playing with dolls, who "make" their dolls have whatever characteristics they want to play out. When you are authentic instead of allowing them to "make" you like their doll, they think you are the cause of their misery!!!!!

@lynngolden9980 Жыл бұрын

"Take off your Junior God Badge" 😂😂😂 Love that!!

@bereal6590 Жыл бұрын

Th most hurtful thing in the world has got to be when you realise your fam doesn't even know who you really are and have no interest in what you're about ✌

@rahrahrobbbieee Жыл бұрын

I feel you on that.

@bereal6590 Жыл бұрын

@@rahrahrobbbieee So sorry that you feel this too. It's perplexing at best but very painful at worst. I dont know if you do but i find it so odd and hurtful. They're so quick to criticise yet don't take those moments or very rarely to be interested in anything about us. I show more interest in my pets feelings that they do in their own kids. In all my days neither of my elderly parents have ever said how do you feel......... or tell me more about that. ..........

@rahrahrobbbieee Жыл бұрын

@@bereal6590 It is sad and hurtful but we are not alone.

@bereal6590 Жыл бұрын

@@rahrahrobbbieee true :)

@amandapriest9563 Жыл бұрын

My mom always tried to take credit for my accomplishments. "I got a raise" "Well of course you did, you're my child and therefore great because I made you great"

@KoolT Жыл бұрын

Jesus man😅. Tad rude 😅.

@teamginger6359 Жыл бұрын

Maybe she made you stronger, but you got the raise due to your own diligence! Did she get up in the morning and go to work with you? 😂

@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын

I find I get into big trouble when I speak the truth.

@kristenmarie9248 Жыл бұрын

Some people can't handle the truth. It scares them for many reasons.

@undercoverbird8592 7 ай бұрын

I’m in the same boat. So I just stopped talking to a lot of people.

@petermann7131 11 ай бұрын

My narcissist ex-wife told me she knew me better than I knew myself. I asked her to move out the next day. When you understand the situation, just stop. Listen to Dr Les., life can and will be good again.

@bitsybugaloo Жыл бұрын

“Fake it until you make it” expression is a misnomer. Nothing good or genuine comes from faking it. You don’t grow in wisdom, strength, kindness, or being honest and developing a good and honorable character. What is built by faking it, until you’ve perfected it is a better liar, deceiver, manipulator and destroyer. This is home base behavior for self interested, narcissistic individuals. Dr. C

@kimberlymccracken747 Жыл бұрын

Yep 👍 When I finally had enough of the control and persecution from the King of all narcs I said..."You know nothing about me." I wasn't angry or upset at all. It was just a pronouncement of truth. I then said "Don't contact me anymore." I honestly wish I had done this decades ago with so many of these fools.

@realhealing7802 Жыл бұрын

I stayed way too long! Good for you.❤

@keekeejenkins6162 11 ай бұрын

Wish I was strong enough to say these things (exactly what I was thinking) I just didn't want to lose them.

@tammydietschweiler7852 9 ай бұрын

This weird one loves pornography, so he basically can 😅 only be in love with himself. Everything about him is hard to believe and I haven’t many options to leave right now. I hope things will change!

@kimberlymccracken747 9 ай бұрын

@@tammydietschweiler7852 That's a good way to put it - in love with a delusional version of self. Reminds me of that character in Alice In Wonderland - the one who smoked all the time. Best wishes honey 😘🙏🌹

@tammydietschweiler7852 9 ай бұрын

@@kimberlymccracken747 Thank you very much! He hasn’t the capacity to want anyone to love, I don’t think he would know where to start. I don’t hold any malice, but the time I’m wasting with something like a “plant” in the corner is really over and it never began because I met him after a very vulnerable time. My husband committed suicide and I was in deep shock with a 5 year old daughter that was mentally ill. I was sick too on disability and I think the only reason was for financial gain. I have told him, what man with his Masters Degree wants a woman on disability and a child sick with a dead husband. I didn’t have much, but what I had could have worked for my daughter and myself to retain a home of our own. Instead he talked me into moving in and at that time he became more aggressive and would say, “let’s use your liquid cash first since mine is locked up for our future.” I also found later when he admitted to dating a woman in a wheelchair, he said, “it was too much for him to take care of her.” I wish there were laws to recover what I lost. We live in his nice home, but all I do it maintain it. I own nothing now and he won’t take me out for even a simple dinner or cheap vacation. I have told him what he said to me, he claims it was never said. Nothing is the truth that comes out of his mouth. He has anger issues, so I’ve started taping his aggressive mean behavior. He knows I loath him and I’ve said, “if I had the opportunity I’d leave tomorrow.”

@fifilafleur5555 Жыл бұрын

My narcissistic family never knew me. They just all had a narrative of who they wanted to believe I was as the family “whooping girl.”

@lynngolden9980 Жыл бұрын

Found you through the interview with Valerie Sokolosky, my best friend's mom, on her podcast. You are literally changing my life every single day as I continue to listen to everything you have ever put out on narcissism. I feel like a prisoner who has finally been set free. You are an answered prayer!! Thank you!!!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Wow! Such a good report. Please say hi to Valerie for me. We had nice chemistry, and my wife got to meet her as well.

@Peace_love23 Жыл бұрын

I second that, thank you Dr. C❤️

@amandabaker3880 Жыл бұрын

L.G. I couldn't agree more!

@HotSeat17 Жыл бұрын

"If I cut you out of my life, chances are you handed me the scissors!" My older narcissist sister would say, after I told her of something great I achieved, "Anybody could do that." Grrr....she wonders why I finally cut her out of my life after a lifetime of severe physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual ABUSE! I only found out a few years ago about Narcissism. So much makes more sense now. My nephew told my sister, when she wouldn't stop picking on me, "How about you stop drinking from your cup of judgement?" Lol Thanks dude....But now he's the scapegoat. 😞 Tag you're it!!!

@profelisa1 Жыл бұрын

Same for me with my brother!

@undercoverbird8592 7 ай бұрын

Yep. Same here. Cut my sister off back in July. She went telling everyone that SHE would never talk to me again. 😂 I hope she puts that in writing and keeps her word. I deleted her phone number and don’t miss anything about her.

@MrJfortheElohim Жыл бұрын

The reason why no one outside the toxicity is because they don't have to deal with the abnormal freak of nature day in and day out.

@V3012bkind Жыл бұрын

Yes, I walked away from a 25 year marriage to an alcoholic narcissist. He did not care leaving was the best decision,

@keplermission4947 Жыл бұрын

It wasn't the best decision, you should have run a mile after the first date.

@myhalowithin Жыл бұрын

That's an awful long time to be in his decision's. I wish you every good overtaking you.

@richardhowe3951 Жыл бұрын

I know this subject very well. Being an alcoholic myself, I have been able to see the damage my drinking did to others. I have been sober for 38 years today and have been able to make amends to those harmed as best I could. You did the right thing to get out of that situation. There is a program called Al anon for folks like yourself incase you might want to look into that. Thanks for your post!

@kimberlymccracken747 Жыл бұрын

I also was subjected to being insulted for not being a "good" Christian or being a forgiving person when I finally had enough of the scapegoating abuse in my family of origin. There's no use defending self with these folks. They protect the abusers and show condescension to the abusee - it's what they do.

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

Repentance is a 180 degree turn from the transgression. Forgiveness is letting go of your own “right” to vengeance/punishment/ justice. Wondering if they’ve shown any repentance before demanding your forgiveness. And forgiving doesn’t guarantee a restored relationship. If someone knows another has a problem with them, Biblically, they should be the one to strive for restoration. Or their charitable giving is worthless.

@kimberlymccracken747 Жыл бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe Yes, I agree 💯% A forgiving heart for an entitled, unrepentant abuser leads to continued abuse. I was not trying to weild some sort of punishment. In fact, I had been quite supportive and also attempted to honor my parents (despite their poor behavior) and to model healthy love. A scapegoat is a scapegoat is a scapegoat in these systems, unfortunately. I lost my entire family of origin and all the extended family on both sides by standing against abusive, neglectful behavior. I do believe the three of them (stepfather included) deserve jail time or some legitimate punishment for what they did (and did not do.) BTW, there was never an admission of wrongdoing much less an apology or a change of behavior. Never will be. I walked away - finally.

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

@@kimberlymccracken747 Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you…. That which you allow will continue. Choosing to distance yourself from such stuff is commendable. Difficult, I’m sure. Congrats and hope for ongoing freedom.

@kimberlymccracken747 Жыл бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe Amen and thank you so much 🙏✝️💝

@bereal6590 Жыл бұрын

@@aaronkwolfeGreat comment, my fam esp my elderly mom always has been and still does paint me as an unforgiving hateful person....helps me with the reasons I feel stuck hurt and angry. They blame and shame and show no contrition as if it's their right to do so, so why would I be able to get past something that's continual and never changes. Thank you for that ✌

@michellehill718 Жыл бұрын

Knowing us (Team Healthy) is absolutely not the narcissist (s) goal! Nope, not today or any other day. Lol

@elenadupuis5124 Жыл бұрын

They complain about everything - very negative instead of looking at the positive things in life. Real joy-suckers!

@moxiepooties6363 Жыл бұрын

You hit the nail on the head.......Try to tell someone that you are suffering with someone, and they are likely to say, "I don't have any problem with him." You get dismissed. Does that mean the person believes the narcissist that YOU are the problem?? In any case, you are now on YOUR OWN.............Forgiving someone does not mean allowing them to make you their punching bag. Actually, when you set boundaries with people, you are helping THEM, instead of being an enabler. Forgiving them can mean just removing yourself and "getting out of their way", because as long as you stick around, they will continue to behave badly. They need to learn that their behavior will cost them!!!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

You get it, Moxie!!

@John-qv1jm Жыл бұрын

They say they want to sit down and want to talk about differences yet it never happens.

@marthawhite3353 Жыл бұрын

Towards the end of my relationship, I couldn't bear to be touched by this man. Knowing he didn't care about me, my heart and soul and that I was just a 'useful resource' for him in many, many ways made me feel ill. I couldn't not see how little he knew or cared about me, his comments and mannerisms towards me, his entitlement and great lack of reciprocity. Thank you for talking about sexuality as a beautiful thing, when done well with a healthy partner.

@moxiepooties6363 Жыл бұрын

We're easily fooled by a narcissist when they handle adult responsibilities well, or seem to. They can be very good at this-for-that relationships that are easily defined and don't require negotiations or subtleties. We must remember that in past centuries, kids had adult responsibilities, working long, long hours at paying jobs. The ability to fulfill a job function does not mean they are emotionally mature. When they seem very capable at these things, they are lauded as "wonderful" by their flying monkeys. When they are highly intelligent, it gives them even more credibility with everyone. We assume that people this intelligent wouldn't behave the way narcissists do. But they can convince themselves of ANYTHING. They are capable of being convinced of things that only exist in their own competitive imaginations. They like to paint a picture of their scapegoats as people who are taking from them what they deserve!

@waywardstitch8604 Жыл бұрын

The narcs in my life are quite intelligent AND very stupid, all at the same time. Sometimes I'm convinced they are using their very high IQs to remain as stupid as possible. Go figure. 🤔🙄

@mgb7140 Жыл бұрын

Fabulous post.

@leandrahackwith3168 Жыл бұрын

When it comes to being accused of unforgiveness, I have learned that often the accuser of unforgiveness is also trapped in a similar abusive relationship. They have bought into "being a doormat for Jesus' sake ". No boundaries, no sense of self esteem.

@leandrahackwith3168 Жыл бұрын

The institutional church and society in general is 30 years behind current thought on narcissism and CPTSD It is a fool's errand to expect valid support or help from them

@leonapietsch4367 Жыл бұрын

Leave and go no contact. Then live your best life ever!!! Having a very happy, peaceful life!!! Trusting God. He is number one. Has blessed me so much. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6 ❤🙏✝️

@little-miss-happy Жыл бұрын

You are so right!!! No real interest in others at all!!

@ChildoftheLIGHT Жыл бұрын

Dr Carter, I had to laugh a bit at your topic today because of hearing countless times, “I know you better than anyone ever has!” 🙄 Not. At all.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Exactly. BTW, Gal220 is the summary of what it means to be Christian.

@tammydietschweiler7852 9 ай бұрын

I left the church after years of Christians that were so judgmental since my husband committed suicide I was at fault because I didn’t save him. I tried my best and they didn’t know what I did for years to help him recover. I have disowned my brother and wife for their cultish Christian crap. It has been a relief for me and I can find others that really comprehend what I’ve been through!

@SurvivingNarcissism 9 ай бұрын

I get what you're saying. I wish you the best.

@Marshadow69 Жыл бұрын

In a post - discard conversation, my partner, as part of a series of criticisms, said to me "I don't even know what you are interested in". This was after 15 years together, and said to me to support the her view that I have not interests!

@MarleyLeMar Жыл бұрын

Speaking of children, maybe we commit to a serious mismatch when we haven’t even truly known ourselves yet (sadly, voice of experience). While the adult narcissist has a poor chance of sustainable change, an option to heal narcissism is to break the intergenerational legacy by including an element of therapeutic core work with groups of adolescents in educational settings and community service. This is beginning to be done with success so far. Interestingly, parents appreciate the results.

@onmywayto8083 Жыл бұрын

32:50 thank you Dr. C for putting a light on the different levels of relationships. I have been trying to put my finger on this for a while. Once again, you perfectly explained it in such a logical way. I have been married for 30 years, and up untill recently i have had an awakening. I was married at 17 and very niave. I am realizing that i am ONLY here to provide him with his needs. He never wants to do anything with me or for me..... Except sex! Very surface level so i would say he is on a 1! I think i have been fooling myself for a long time thinking we were building this life together but always felt something was missing. After reflecting back on a ton of senerios with the help of you i now seeing things much clearer. Thank you Dr. C! ❤

@AnonymousYaz Жыл бұрын

After years of listening to a narcissist ranting about her family and friends, I had ask her why does she chose to be friends with the people she's so critical off and why don’t she tell them what she thinks.

@John-qv1jm Жыл бұрын

The narrissists don't know ,we don't know for sure either!!😎✌️

@fred.k9875 Жыл бұрын

Thank you our handsome Dr.C! Say hello to Gus!please!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

You're such an encourager, Fred. Thanks!!

@upsidedownworld5060 Жыл бұрын

The narcissist hold & power of darkness is gradually dwindling away

@stephenwillis9988 Жыл бұрын

My father was narcissistic and I worked amongst psychopaths narcissistic psychopaths for year's . Thankyou for your message today, G-D bless you all with his light love frequency and vibration HaShems love surrounding you

@KoolT Жыл бұрын

G-d bless you as well.

@ryanunderwood5465 Жыл бұрын

Narcissist choose to live the life they are living, no excuses, you victims..😇

@ryanunderwood5465 Жыл бұрын

39 year survivor, why am I not the victim of my own life..?

@marykulina8375 Жыл бұрын

You are not being civil or respectful, you don't get to judge others life!!

@laurelbarlow5733 Жыл бұрын

I had this problem with my late stepfather. I told him that he had no interest in understanding me or knowing me. I felt lonely too. I felt that nobody wanted to get to know me, hear me, or understand me. God’s word is about love.

@aliceroberts1980 Жыл бұрын

I feel the same way I have no one my dog and my daughter but no friends I volunteer but the people I volunteer with really don’t want new friends we’ll some do

@flyingziglinde Жыл бұрын

Stupid and proud of it syndrome 😂I love your ability to bring humor into a very challenging narrative. You are brilliant Dr. Carter. And a master in teaching about these behaviors. Thank you for all you do.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Thanks!

@ElsieDee001 Жыл бұрын

Thank you SO much, Dr. Carter. I felt like I was getting a personal therapy session with your first question. It was almost exactly my situation, and I needed that validation and assurance that my feelings and thoughts were valid. I’m SO grateful! Thank you!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

You’re very welcome

@jordanferguson2254 Жыл бұрын

And they never will.

@michellehill718 Жыл бұрын

"Hungry ghosts" is another term that applies here Dr. C!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Intriguing depiction!

@carolnahigian9518 16 күн бұрын

Doctor C. Dignity+ civility!!!

@kellymackie4836 Жыл бұрын

There was a person in our situation who could clearly see what the narc was doing. But hee told my son, “I know full well what they do. But they aren’t hurting me or my family" so that’s the flying monkey perspective and why they choose them. But for whatever reason- they choose the narc. Bottom line is they don’t want to be next. By the way, when we left, he was next. Life has its own justice system…

@leandrahackwith3168 Жыл бұрын

🤔🧐. We grey rock them, they brick wall us. We do it for sanity, they do it for power.🎉

@lydiagibas114 Жыл бұрын

Hi Dr. C. Question? Narc wanted something (was drunk), I said no and he raged. Finally, I gave into him and he went from disbief to a childlike behaviour rubbing his head on my arm and speaking in a childlike voice, so happy he got what he wanted. A friend of his was with us at the time and we just looked at eachother speechless. EDIT: My question is, was he digressing to an age prior to developing NPD? The reason I'm asking is because it was so confusing to see him like that. Thank you ❤️

@Hatbox948 Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry, but that's creepy.

@tinekawilliams2715 Жыл бұрын

And that is short lived and the cycle REPEATS... at least that was my experience 😞

@starlingswallow Жыл бұрын

What was your question?

@richardhowe3951 Жыл бұрын

You might want to checkout Alanon if drinking is a problem for them. Alcohol can do some strange things to people. I am alcoholic. Been sober for well over 30 years now. This problem affects the whole family. I work with people like this daily. Just some info that might be useful to you. Thanks foryour post.

@lydiagibas114 Жыл бұрын

@@richardhowe3951 I left a year ago. There's so much out there to enjoy in life. Congrats on your sobriety. 💪

@cathyaceves8611 4 ай бұрын

That's why I don't unload my surcumstances on anyone because people don't want to hear all that mess.

@cynthiateramura3307 Жыл бұрын

"Why don't you take your Jr God badge off . . .You're not that good." Oh . . . I love you for saying so, Dr Carter ❤ I can't imagine my having the confidence to say it aloud, but now that I have "heard you" from the inside; out . . . I will; for sure, be shouting your line in my brain, at the appropriate times . . . (yes, expecting multiple occasions in my own future.)

@cynthiateramura3307 Жыл бұрын

. . . revealing your keen. sense of humor too Dr C. 😂

@ritahemmerly4224 Жыл бұрын

I find this goes both ways. My mom is 94 and I have come to realize that I have no clue who she is,or likes. Not music, color preference, flowers etc. it is a total empty hole. I also have no idea what she does all day. In a independent living home and don't even know if she has people she interacts with. Don't even know how she gets her few groceries since she doesn't drive. It's like there is nobody home in the body.

@khaartoumsings Жыл бұрын

Lack of curiosity or authentic interest in things is an interesting observation. They do things, not for curiosity or end goal, but for 'consumption'[e.g. reading for escapism] or exhibitionism[being seen to read by others for their false self]. K ;)

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

100% correct.

@BillieGote Жыл бұрын

My last narcissist entanglement was with a clever, high-energy, class clown, life-of-the-party, engineer with a lot of skills. I was disappointed when he said that he's not much of a reader. It perplexed me that with all the things he did know, there were certain topics that he had zero interest in exploring. Something about that combination did not make sense to me. In this comment I just now realized why. He was highly motivated to learn and master anything that would strategically serve his covert self-aggrandizement. He wasn't driven by a love of learning/ knowledge for its own sake. For too long I assumed that his knowledge of astronomy, topographical landmarks, weather systems, etc. were all motivated by a keen interest in the world -- like what motivates me. But topics such as feelings, emotions, relationship goals -- he sidestepped, weaseling out of them, stonewalled, and later even shamed and ridiculed. The topics he refused to consider in any way were either of no strategic use or actually dangerous to him. Admitting knowledge of relationships or psychology would catch him up if he ever allowed those discussions. He almost certainly knew more than what he let on, and used the knowledge of them to avoid intimacy, & manipulate and withhold them for control.

@fetishisticrose 6 ай бұрын

I am glad that you touched on the fact that some people choose to name call when they get upset.. I have once in my life had to deal with this with someone who was 13 years older than me and was super condescending and name-calling and I said you have to stop this or it's over and he did for maybe 6 weeks and then it was back on again and that was it . it was over . No one EVER should put up with this,it leads to them devaluing and disrespect of you . Leave if they can't see your value.❤ Thank you for sharing

@whispers146 Жыл бұрын

I have a narcissistic husband and in-laws, and I talk a lot with my friend who has a narcissistic ex. Sometimes I worry and I tell her what they are capable of with smear campaigns and lying and that I don’t trust people. she tells me I am always thinking negative of everyone but I think I got into this mess of people because I thought positively about them. So am I always thinking negative of everyone because I don’t trust these people?

@ebony41441 Жыл бұрын

Same here. I keep my distance away from people that tell me I’m negative or I brought these people in my life. These are positive toxic people that really can’t be for us or only want to hear good things only. Dr. Ramani on you tube calls these folks Pollyanna.

@malwads1836 Жыл бұрын

Exactly...toxic positivity.You'll tend to 👀 a lot of codependents doing this unhealthy 💩, they'll overlook big red 🚩s & hang around the worst of people because they're always trying to "👀 the good in others" even when there's a mountain of nasty red 🚩s to go with it or no such good even actually exists in the people they're tangling with😬.I recommend staying far away from codependents too because they're not bad people...But they drag around a suitcase full of headaches & may end up having you stressing about what they're doing with their life in regards to the people they hang around😮‍💨.You don't want to have no trust whatsoever even when someone is healthy/nontoxic obviously...But you shouldn't try to just "look for the good in everyone" either because manipulative people like narcissists & whatnot bank on you doing that,they eat overly trusting/caring folks for lunch😬.

@charleneherman9570 9 ай бұрын

I was just thinking how interesting and hilarious it would be in heaven to listen in on a conversation between Christ, Dr Armani, and yourself on narcissist and your dealings with them

@michellehill718 Жыл бұрын

Absolutely staying our course Dr. C, and being as decent as we can be every day all day! DRC!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

You get it, Michelle. #TeamHealthy

@michellehill718 Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism DRC! 🤗🦉🤗

@ryanunderwood5465 Жыл бұрын

I love you Les Carter😘

@ryanunderwood5465 Жыл бұрын

Life is a CHOICE

@Sissy317 Жыл бұрын

I am going through this for the past year with my two daughters. Their Father is a narcissist and they watched him abuse me so now they abuse me. I have been blocked out of my daughters lives. My youngest is pregnant and this hurts because I always looked forward to a relationship with them. It’s my truth. It breaks my heart.

@debbiehill45 Жыл бұрын

Hi from Canada I haven't reached out to you for some time, but I have been following your podcasts. Thankyou so much for your sensitive and timely advice. I started by setting boundaries, but the backlash has been so pervasive, that friends I know say there is no hope of me seeing any change. Heartbreaking.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Hi Debbie. Unfortunately, many narcissists are so closed off that they are beyond redemption. Nonetheless, stay true to your growth. And thanks for reaching out again.

@malwads1836 Жыл бұрын

Boundaries do work for ourselves...But unfortunately it never actually works with a full-blown narcissist.Even if you rip them a new one... They'll be on "good" behavior temporarily like a poorly raised toddler & then after a little while come at you again trying to blow past your boundaries🙄😮‍💨.This is 1 of the big reasons why we tend to recommend no-contact when possible because you just can't work with narcissists unfortunately.

@joanndeck4315 Жыл бұрын

They don’t change…YOU do. Setting boundaries is not about changing OR attempting to control them! It’s so you no longer are affected, your emotional system does not react to their disordered ways as you realize they are not emotionally/psychologically healthy. Boundaries EMPOWER you, not modify them.

@eileenmorrison1426 Жыл бұрын

My narcissist was having a mental health breakdown when I met him in church. I knew he needed a friend so I reached out for coffee. He needed to restart his life after a 20 year marriage. He latched on to me like a newborn and used me to learn social skills 3:47 from. He charmed a group of older women then left everyone without a goodbye. 3:47 He 😅idealized me, devalued me while gaslighting and triangulating, and now I have blocked him. Unfortunately I fell in love so it’s painful but for the best.

@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын

I just listened to this on 'tape delay' And when you got to the part about sex 28.26 I think,you could have been describing what happened with my ex husband to a T. I didn't make the chat or live today as I was meeting with a close friend. I like to keep up tho to maintain my mental healthy wellbeing. Thanks again Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Thanks Amanda. I think we should start selling CD's with the live feed on them. Surely everyone remembers how to use those machines!!!!

@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes I have a cd/tape player 👍

@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын

@@Chris-dw7gq My ex hubby made me feel 'mucky' !!!

@evelynwells-rk1ed Жыл бұрын

They complain about everything!

@robig.5028 Жыл бұрын

Yes,and it's so annoying 😢

@TC-gx3qn Жыл бұрын

QUESTION for next MIDWEEK With Dr C: Recently, KZfaq autoplay started a video that was by a man diagnosed with NPD. He stated the goal of the channel is to educate people about what narcissists actually think and feel . I couldn't help but think that I would have to take everything he says with a huge grain of salt considering that two of the hallmark traits of narcissism are lying and general dishonesty (especially to themselves about themselves). What are your thoughts on such a channel?

@chanel82593 Жыл бұрын

Lol well what exactly would a narcissist get out of outing themselves? The only person I listened to prior was Lee hammock. He’s been in psychotherapy for 6 years. And listening to him when I was trying to break free from the narc really helped me. I listened everyday to to all 700 podcast episodes. I’m addition to a few doctors. I outgrew him a few days ago. I knew this when I had no desire to hear him anymore. And unsubscribed. His messages were good but very repetitive and surface level. I began to gravitate to deeper messages. More on the spiritual side because narcissism is much more than clinical. So hopefully this helps.. but every narcissist on the web isn’t in therapy and doesn’t have an honest message. I will say some of them do keep it raw. And you will even witness them contradicting themselves.

@mgb7140 Жыл бұрын

We'd expect that narcissists would use social media. It gives them a huge audience and the opportunity for more control and manipulation of those choosing -- notice the word "choosing" -- to follow them. We should run away just as we would if they walked into a room we were in.

@TC-gx3qn Жыл бұрын

@M GB Yep-Agreed.

@chrissemenko628 2 ай бұрын

@mgb7140 Yup. I left a few comments for Lee. He calls himself "Your favourite narcissist" I told him DONT TELL ME who my favourite is. That's narcissistic. Another time I asked him what's he's gonna do when all these eyes aren't on him. Remember...the psychopath Klaus Schwab keeps babbling on and on about the INEVITABLE cyber attack. He never replied to them. Cheers. Christi 🇨🇦 P.S. On May 4th the WHO treaty is being signed by 196 countries. If ((they)) say pandemic or even SUSPICION of one and we're locked down again. We're about to lose our freedoms......

@sthomas4634 Жыл бұрын

This video has a ton of good information and guidance. You helped me resolve a few troubling issues. Thank you so much!

@joshua255860 Жыл бұрын

Hi Dr. C, you touched on so many things on a deep level today. The loneliness factor has been one I've had to walk with in order to do and be the right person in a toxic family situation. I am thankful I have a wonderful spouse that supports and understands. Thank you for today's lesson. You are a blessing.

@donnellallan Жыл бұрын

I very much appreciate this beautiful gift of a video for Mother’s Day. The first story and your response to it was just the encouragement I needed coming up on one of the most difficult weekends of the year. Thank you very much, Dr Carter. 💜

@lyne4570 3 ай бұрын

Lol this is hilarious. After 40 years, it's like he just met me yesterday. Literally knows nothing about me. The end is near.............

@rahrahrobbbieee Жыл бұрын

My own Mom never cared to know me. In her 80s she still doesn't care. I never knew the truth and I was always lonely. I remain so. I understand that pain. Is there any way to put that behind you at this point?

@cathyaceves8611 4 ай бұрын

Thank God they don't truly know me

@susanlewis1875 Жыл бұрын

My counter to long, biased rants: "So how 'bout those Mets?" No matter where I am, who's in the conversation; It's my way of saying 'Let's talk about something else' without saying 'let's talk about something else.' If the ranter gets offended, so be it.

@sfarns100 9 ай бұрын

Dr. C can you talk more about the psychology of the flying monkey. How do they get so influenced by the narcissist?

@eileenmorrison1426 Жыл бұрын

I listen to lee hammock, quite a bit. He says he has been diagnosed as a narcissist and has been in therapy for 6 years. I find him fascinating and I am a mental health professional.

@profelisa1 Жыл бұрын

Dr. Carter, This may be my favorite of your videos! ❤

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Barb!

@ElsieDee001 Жыл бұрын

Same here!

@joydavis1670 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for addressing heart connection. So extremely important.

@cheryleebarnes7678 Жыл бұрын

Love this channel

@dinky-diridgy-didge636 Жыл бұрын

Never argue with stupid people they will drag you down to thier level then beat you with experience.😅

@joanndeck4315 Жыл бұрын

😂😂

@trishflorida4250 Жыл бұрын

I'm not a sex receptacle, we have not had relations in 3 years. He used to say that relieved stress and was up and gone. Either he is going to file for divorce or I am. He is 70 and has not changed one thing in 20 years. As he gets older he gets worse. I even got 2 large dogs for protection. The dogs have seen his behavior and hate him. He lives in one end of the house and I in another. Anytime he comes near my side, the dogs alert.

@virginiacombs4896 Жыл бұрын

Just went through that today he said That was my God being upset that he said ugly words what ever you are always upset about its your God when Dr C said this I just screamed 😱

@dgvfsa66 Жыл бұрын

My sister and I are 16 months apart, #4 and #5, of 5 siblings. Both severely neglected by a cold and distant mother. Probably a narcissist. Question: My sister turned out to be a covert malignant narcissist and pathological liar. I am the exact opposite, in EVERY way. An empath, sometimes to my own detriment. How can this be?

@mariannaviezzi2075 Жыл бұрын

Thank You Dr. C, and sending hugs to Gus too🤗

@brendaallers3900 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr Carter …

@lesliewoolnough7871 Жыл бұрын

They don’t have the energy to put towards getting to know other’s genuinely, they’ve used up all their energy on negativity

@stacypogue3183 Жыл бұрын

Hi Dr Carter Gus and Team Healthy

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Hi there, Stacy!

@ann-marieriese8038 Жыл бұрын

Dear Doctor Carter, please give a shout out to Looking behind the mirror. This young lady is almost amazing as you. People like you restore my hope for mankind.

@lyricmelody8162 5 ай бұрын

"why don't you take your Junior God badge off" 😄😉

@lesliewoolnough7871 Жыл бұрын

A person wanting to get married is a huge problem for narcissists in the other persons life I suspect

@pigspigs76 Жыл бұрын

Be wary of someone introducing you to their “soulmate” .. this fantasy thinking will result in harm in the name of love 😅 common sense should always be consulted for understanding

@lesliewoolnough7871 Жыл бұрын

I’ve felt alone most of my life and it feels like it’s all a big punishment because I asked for a husband too soon or something Made to think my timing was bad Sabotaging happened

@Pukeyray Жыл бұрын

I think that "People pleaser" special episode is going to be so helpful to your viewers! Very true some don't even see us and have an upfront need to superimpose some parody or demeaning caricature of us upon us. And they don't want us to forget it! 😅 aye yai yai

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

I'm excited to be able to present it. I put a lot of effort into it.

@Pukeyray Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism That one really stands out to be as on I could benefit from. Bless you and thanks!

@joycebisceglia8175 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr C for all your insights - it puts so much into perspective for me. Wondering if you could address the Neglectful Narcissist? It's one I'm relating to strongly. I didn't get the up in your face and sudden outbursts of rage. Instead I would get nothing in response - I referred to him as the bobblehead - he would just bobble his head in response. I felt invisible, unless he needed something. My needs and wants totally dismissed and ignored. Constantly mind reading to figure what he wanted or needed. What a sound sucking place to be in.

@cjc9645 Жыл бұрын

Regarding the religious: Titus 3:10 , & 2 Timothy 3: 1-5

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Precisely.

@waywardstitch8604 Жыл бұрын

"Why don't you take your junior God badge off... you're not that good." 🤣🥰

@mikeleuk Жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr C

@darinsmith2458 Жыл бұрын

before i even get into the questions... something that came up was how literally everyone that was around the narcissist was in denial..

@darinsmith2458 Жыл бұрын

1st question-narcissistic dad and kids.. when i accepted Christ i became spiritually sensitive.. you could say that i became an empath.. for me it was to accept it as a gift and then ask how to use it.. i am still asking that question..

@darinsmith2458 Жыл бұрын

2nd question..dense... yes.. i love it;) i would just add that they are master manipulators.. and let me add that the one's i have around me know about the rules/laws/boundaries but they cross them in spite of..

@darinsmith2458 Жыл бұрын

3rd question.. not getting into it... that is my practice.. i am getting better at it.. the "deer in headlights" works for me..

@darinsmith2458 Жыл бұрын

4th questions... picking up on good thoughts and doing the same thing.. i heard this on Dr. Phil and i think this applies here.. keep it to the vest.. there are only some people who we can trust and the others don't need to know...

@darinsmith2458 Жыл бұрын

5th question.. outsiders.. i answered this before i answered any question..

@houseplantnerd2872 Жыл бұрын

The ultimate energy vampire.

@kraftwithakkraft3307 6 ай бұрын

Dr C thanks for this video. Very helpful. Do you have any videos about dealing with the grief of dealing with a narcissistic child and their spouse and estrangement from them and grandchildren? Ours is not total, but it’s close. We are trying to take the high road, but would love to know more about how to deal with our feelings around this and possibly knowing the child is in an abusive marriage.

@arianasha Жыл бұрын

A great session.. Dr C, thank you!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome

@virginiacombs4896 Жыл бұрын

There is aScripture that answer that Question and it is Psalm 1

@lindabell2940 Жыл бұрын

Groovy,, jokes aside , i like being here, i get this Doctor, be with people you like to get deep in with your natural self, but these traits or in my family, but, maybe that tree want, trip out, when the nuts leave the building, your saving me, the full blown, save them, and by the way, man i wish my narcissist could read me, and this good best video, you folks or here. ,with plain up, thanks, go team healthy

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Hi Linda. #TeamHealthy is in fact groovy!

@factcheckthesehands364 Жыл бұрын

QUESTION: What keeps a mother in a marriage to a malignant narc who is emotionally & physically abusive to their children? She had the financial means and her family’s support in order to leave early on but chose to minimize/ignore the abuse. To this day, she’s still with him. I’m in my 40’s and a few years ago, I finally explained to her why I no longer come home to visit and avoid holiday gatherings (which included recounting specific examples of my father’s abuse and her being complicit) she began crying and said “ please don’t tell me anymore, it’s too much, I just can’t take it.” So it was OK for me to have to live through the abuse, but too much for her to hear about it. Thanks Dr. C. Because of your videos, I’m finally seriously considering seeking the therapy I know I’ve needed for the past couple of decades.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

What you are describing is classic for the trauma bond they create. It's powerful.

@factcheckthesehands364 Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you, Dr. C. It’s painful knowing that bond overrides a mother’s instinct to protect her children, but your videos are helping me to better understand the dynamics of my family and to find ways to heal. You’re a blessing!