I’m not doing the best I could be obviously lol. I simply hate everything about myself. I ruin everything I touch and I punish myself by sh. I know what ur gonna say “sh is bad! Never do that!” But I’m not gonna take that information to heart, bcs that’s all I’m EVER told. “It’s bad!” I know it’s bad that’s why I do it lol. I love the blood and pain of slashing my leg with a kitchen knife. I need to be the best before I get love. I need to be better than the best. I need to be perfect and then I deserve happiness. Clearly I haven’t been perfect. I debate suicide every day, but I know that would traumatize my sister and I’d rather not do that. I hate her and she’s betrayed me so many times, but I still love her. She told my parents about my sh the first time despite me telling her not to lol. My mom is… let’s just say not amazing. She yelled at me when I commented on something I didn’t like even after she knew I hated myself. She read my fucking journey for fucks sake. You can’t expect me to be perfectly fine! I even wrote in the start that I didn’t want them reading it, but that’s just a fucking opinion right? I just don’t want to be in this family. It’s just… bad. It’s just bad. If I kill myself it might get me out, but it would traumatize my sis. But hey! I am THE FUCKING NUISANCE!!! I AM THE WORST ONE ON THIS FUCKING PLANET! I RUIN ALL THINGS! I AM THE PROBLEM AND IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I JUST DIED!! I. HATE. MYSELF. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MUSELF! I SHAVED MY HEAD BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT MIGHT GIVE MY CONFIDENCE, BUT NOW IM JUST A BALD 14 YR OLD GUY WITH ZERO HAPPINESS!!! That was a lot lol. Ur probably not gonna see this, but imma just let it out. Love ya!

Are you okay though? (Sry I’m not on my phone so I can’t edit the comment)

@@BagelsAreFun I’m great! Just some minor setbacks from pictures. :3 how r u?

@@SoggySockMouth it’s funny I wrote an entire multi paragraph essay lol. It didn’t register tho. Basically I’m not doing so well obvs. Just a whole bunch of betrayal from family and friends and all that. I’ve got a question. Don’t you think it’s a little fucked up to read your child’s vent journal despite him writing to not? And then getting mad at him for finding that a little fucked up?

@@BagelsAreFun YES! THAT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME! IT IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP! Everyone deserves privacy, Diary’s are to express one’s feelings secretly without others knowing (pretty self explanatory with the ‘secretly’) and to find the writing in their fucked up or not finding looking at your kids stuff fucked up is wrong and stupid. They wouldn’t like it if their kids went through their texts messages for their significant other now would they?

Vent i don't know.. I guess i can try to do it Why do i feel useless?, what's my purpose?, where's my purpose?, when will i find it?, will i ever find? When will i stop questioning myself?, will i ever be good?, will i be productive?, when will i be happy?, how will i be happy?, am i weird?, do they think I'm weird?, do they know I'm lying?, should i tell them?, the weight is too heavy... How should i tell them? When will i tell them? What will i tel them? Will they be happy? Will they be mad? How will they react? Will they leave me? Please.. Answer the questions... Cause even i don't know the answers... Please i need answers I need the answers

@@Oxis_the_masked_deity Your purpose doesn't need to be figured out as soon as possible. You have a long time ahead of you to explore what you want to do and what your true purpose holds for you. Happiness doesn't come easy,, especially now, but that doesn't mean it's gone forever. There'll be bad times and good times - but that's only a part of the journey. You don't have to lie about anything,, especially if it's hurting you. Be yourself,, even if you don't know who that is yet - because someday you will. People may not accept you for who you are,, but there are people out there who will, and I encourage you to continue searching for them. You're not useless,, or weird, or any of the other words you've described yourself as. You're *human*,, and that's enough.

My dad hates me. I know he does. It feels as if everyone hates me. Like I know people care about me and I know people love me, It just doesn't feel like it. I'm sick of living and I want to die, but I know I can't kill myself because I have a dog that loves me very much. My mom left to go to Canada it's where she lived before she did this to "get better" just to end up starting a new family. My older brother left to live with his other mom. I miss him a lot even though it's been like three years since he left, ever since then my life has been full of drama, and I'm sick of it.

@@Raven_the_bird_drawzHey, it’s going to be okay. I know everything is hurting you now, but I believe in you, stay strong. I have a horrible relationship with my father, but I’ve grown to learn not to care about him anymore and just live on and ignore his existence. As for your mom I’m so sorry to hear that clearly she wasn’t a real mom. I’m glad you have a reason to be alive but remember, there are other reasons to be alive. For example, to see those beautiful sunsets that you don’t know why look so gorgeous and calming, or to watch the rain race down the windows, or to read those stories that make you smile and kick your feet back and forth, or to watch the tree’s leaves change color in the autumn and slowly over time find their way to the ground. As for you feeling like nobody ever cares about you I have struggled with that for years but trust me one day you’ll find someone who really cares for you so much you’ll see it, know it, and feel it. ❤ I’m here for you. Luv u

Could be wrong but I think it's one person not consenting yet the other continues, because the one doing it anyway never asked, I could be wrong though

Please don't. Something great for your future might happen and if you attempt you might never get to know what happens next. Sorry if I sounded like I was threatening you or anything.

@@_catti_0 no worries, I've gotten much better. I have reasons to stay so I don't plan on ending it anytime doon

@@MUfFIN-ol5yr That's amazing to hear!!!

That's messed up that people want you to die just because they think you are annoying. Are you okay?

I know what it’s like. It’s honestly exhausting isn’t it? I hope you’re feeling a bit better. I don’t know you but I care. I’m in the same plasce as you and it’s tiring to keep up an act. I hope you have at least someone in your life making you keep living.

@@NicoDiangelo-le8fr thanks man