Thanks for the clarification. I'm still a little confused. If narcissism is a part of everyones personality to some extent then is it ever healthy to in certain situations act narcissisticly? If you're legitimately better than someone at X is it narcissistic to recognize that and act accordingly?

25:25 I what to say thank u 🙏 u are the first one to say this when I was 8 up to my 17 birthday I was mis treated by my step dad no SA! and my family is saying let it go They don’t understand what I feel or what I went through thank u HG im now 28 and it hurts me that I didn’t protect my sister and me I could have done a lot to proevend this ending up to 9 years no one cares in my family only my father understands

Skellytoon said something intersting at 17:44. "Can a person be a Hybrid of both? None tradional/Tradional" I've been called a Narcistical but if i compared it to what you said and the drawing it seems to be on both sides of the scale depending on the circumstance etc

@@Mj783980 I agree. I'm glad that he went over this, but I also see something extremely wrong with the concept. What does it mean about who to be or how to live in the world? I bet you can feel the vague sense of FREEZING in social situations, because you might not want to transgress against the other. It creates a situation of uncertainty, and hesitance. At the end of the day, we all have experiences that inform us about how our behaviors ("Grandiose," arrogant or somewhere in the middle) can create unfavorable situations. If everyone is on a "spectrum" of a psychological flaw, then what happens when everyone is walking around with a metaphorical gun that's loaded with bullets named with psychological disorders, that of course represent them as well. Where does this go? Is psychology about making well adjusted ameba? His parent reenactment was accurate as hell though. Like talking to a wall. At the same time, he represents foreknowledge, on the part of the child, and a type of manipulation battle. When you do this, people can paint you as a narcissist, whether you blow up or not and make others okay with being abusive toward you. This is a hard thing to balance when you are facing multiple people, some of which sabotage you subtly, creat violent scenarios, throw stones and hide their hands, compete against you, spread false and damaging rumors and also can't think about your needs as a person. Living in a thing like this, is like being in a MAELSTROM of confusion. It creates violent victims all around you, that vilify you whether you fight back or maintain composure. You may LEAVE, but then being the new guy all the time, will show you how everyday people exhibit the same behaviors as a family like that. Living like this, could push you to bringing your own identity to the surface for everyone to see. Out of the awareness that whatever they decide to make up will be much worse, but I guess that's narcissism too. Setting boundaries with a person who can't perceive or think of you as another being, can be dangerous when they have a social circle and you don't. When everyone "Knows" them, and knew them first, who will they choose to support when that is the one who is creating the problem?? Do you run, or do you adapt and TAKE your position in that realm? Oops... That's narcissistic again? Some don't know what it's like to have to wear the shoe of the villain, when it's not your shoe, but they insist that it's your size. You could reject it or accept it (outwardly), but in their minds, the shoe is YOURS regardless. GLHFDD

@@WrathofFenrir99 hahahaha you missed the pool party? Already happen(ing)ed

So based

And because other people make it shit

Autists be like

Life is a shitty game. The developers leave it to the players to learn about it and add to it instead of making a proper tutorial. That's mostly for humans though. Other animals have a tutorial called "instincts" to help them get through "Life the Game"

@@jaredhead9503 åå

idk if you actually want advice or not but i'd suggest washing your face at least twice a day, drinking at least 2 litres of water every day and showering regularly. if you have a skin condition/really bad acne you can always talk to a medical professional and get creams or medication :P

Non traditional narcissist spotted. (BTW, just kidding)

@@alphamorion4314 i was connecting the dots for a moment

Good sleep, good diet, and moisturizer. In that order.

@@soupster857 Can confirm. I was doing it for at least 6 months now and my face really does feel kinda smooth now.

Lumping forgiveness and trust together is a shortcut many take to avoid thinking about things more than necessary, but sometimes it is necessary to pick it apart like that... There are many different kinds of people in the world with many different kinds of needs... so there has to be more than a few ways to deal with em, especially since one of those unique kinds of people is ourselves! I tell myself that when I feel guilty about this sort of thing, I hope it helps you too

I think this is a very reasonable way to think. If someone has hurt you, you might be able to forgive them but your trust will be broken. This is only logical.

thats how i ended my father manipulation endless drain. "id save your live but ill never love you"

I had to say this to an old friend of mine. We've worked things out so we can have fun together without me having to trust her to be responsible for certain things (she has serious issues from her abusive family, we just have to work around them).

You can forgive someone ("I am not hurt by your actions/words anymore"), while also saying "You did a bad thing, I won't trust you to not do that again, so I'm cutting all ties off with you". I think we all really need to get this idea out of our heads, that "forgiving" is the same as saying "It's okay". One place to start is to start saying "I forgive you" instead of "It's okay" when someone apologises. Or put it in a longer version (if necessary): "I love you [that is, "I wish you a good, worry-free, ethical life] but you hurt me, and I'm not going to let that control me. Also, stay away from me because I can't know if you'll ever do it again".

It's exactly how I feel about my mom lol

@@octopus4925 me too, it a witch craft run as far as you can

Mhm definitely! I felt this way about one of my friends.

Same for me. My friend was the a-hole. Really weird behavior and words. Would say they had no problems when they surely did have huge issues. Very controlling, creepy.

Think about how hard it would be to escape if the person doing that was your kids' mom.

very good distinction to make.

I was already self-diagnosing myself with nontraditional narcisism

@@ivancarrasco2128 That's probably not a good thing to do. Self diagnosis isn't bad in general, but when it comes to disorders that are not "self aware", if you're actively self diagnosing then I don't think that you could be considered that thing. Again when it comes to traits vs disorders, one can arise at certain times and the go away until later, whereas the other is always there. So if you always thinking that you're owed stuff by others (be it money, time, attention, etc...) Then. I'd say you could be considered a narcissist. If not then there might be something else there that you're not fully understanding about yourself, and I would suggest seeking therapy or counseling.

thank god i was starting to feel attacked. I feel as long as i am able to reconginze these thoughts when they accure, i can do a better job at quelling them as i am more aware of it.

thank you man great input

It's all "mind games", bro.

Except for the covert (aka vulnerable) narcissists who use victimhood as their shield for low self worth.

It can be that, but not always!

@@SuperLotus true this happens very often

@@SuperLotus Could you explain please?

Yeah, my dad does his best to take advantage of my processing disorder, to wear me down so he can get me to fall for his other tricks. It's debilitating and the best I can do after trying so hard to learn to communicate in a healthier way is move out and cut him off. I ran away once and even with how hard it was and how clueless I was, I gained more self confidence and competence in 1 year than over 25 years of trying to learn from him and the rest of my family. Narcissists play conversations like a card game, and they want to hold all the cards and leave you with none so they can just play you.

My ex pulled this exact thing over a shopping cart. The whole thing left me mentally fked up for days.

​@@justacoginthefkery Watch out for it man!! Shit like this truly sucks to experience.... next time it happens try to take his advice and just leave the situation. I know that's rough sometimes, but it's the best for you! Good thing she's your ex now, right? : )

He's been gone for 3 yrs so I'm good now, but thx 🤗 Normally, walking away would be the thing at a certain point. In that particular situation, he was driving so I was literally trapped in the car. Pretty sure it was the whole point though... he wanted to feel in control so he created a situation to manipulate my emotions when I couldn't easily get away.

@@justacoginthefkery a former friend of mine pulled this on me over a scheduling disagreement. I can't trust him with simple things like knowing when I'm online now because it turns into the spanish inquisition if he doesn't like how I'm spending my time. As soon as I'm in a position where I'm sure he can't throw a tantrum and potentially destroy my stuff I'm cutting contact.

Well then you just have to endure it until you're able to move out.

My parents are both narcissists and I've had problems with them since 13-14 yo. I'm 18 now and moving out soon. The 4 years having to live with Narcissistic parents as a teen were absolute hell but you CAN endure them. You will survive.Get a side job, you will have to interact less with the people at home plus save for when you're moving out.

My dad's narcissistic, and... without friends that understood what was really going on, he broke me and it took til I ran away at 27 years old to remember that I'm worth better. Some of my young friends online have narcissistic parents, too. There indeed isn't a lot you can do at that age to establish boundaries. Helps if you can get a job or some activity away from that, but that's not accessible to everyone... The best thing to do is make friends (online is often the most accessible, but vibe checking for predatory or toxic behaviour from online friends has some differences from offline signs because it's a different culture, medium, and environment) and create a social space away from those parents. One where you can open up about what's happening without being shut down (hard to tell the difference between being shut down and maintaining sustainable boundaries, because there's a fine line between healthy commiseration and draining eachother with negativity) and also share good times. Both should serve to heal and remind y'all what healthy relationships and communication are like. Keep learning about psychology, healthy communication, relationships. Narcissistic parents will teach things that sabotage mental health, and it's a battle to unlearn them and grow better things in their place.

It is awful and horrific and takes years to recover from those final years stuck with your parent but indeed you can survive them and once you're an adult you can be free

My advice is this: even if you have bad thoughts try to compensate with good actions, even if you have envy towards someone just accept that you are envious and do the thing that you think is right.

maybe try talking to someone about it, perhaps a therapist

I feel like the fact that you choose to reject that way of thinking (or at least recognize that it is wrong) represents you much more than those thoughts do. Do you really think of people as "tools" if you try your best to be kind to them despite the way you feel?

Every time you catch the thoughts is a victory. Try to learn to celebrate catching them - you are playing the game of "I don't want to hurt other people" - and you just scored a point.

If you can't turn the thoughts off, just accept them - chances are you are actually feeling hurt in some way and putting yourself down for that isn't going to help you at all. When you have a thought like that, try to imagine what would happen if you said that to the person/people who triggered it; how would they react? how would they feel? Then do the reverse; try to imagine how you would react and feel if someone else said those thoughts to you. It's pretty natural to feel hurt due to being excluded even without there being such patterns in your past - it's quite irrational to put the people down for it though. It's in the diagram in the video that these irrational thoughts start from hurt, so it's better to comfort that hurt (by yourself or by someone who understands) than to suppress the thoughts (and to also accept the guilt from thinking those thoughts). It's kinda weird but emotions are often far more "rational" than the thoughts that are produced from and for them, somewhat like how we had all sorts of explanations for why the sun comes up in the morning and goes down in the evening but there's only one real explanation for that phenomenon. Guilt feels bad (since it is a kind of suffering) but that's because you have some degree of attachment to being a virtuous person. I'd say that some part of your ego is built on that, but that doesn't mean that it isn't also an intrinsic quality that you have. It might be good for you to communicate to someone (after establishing proper boundaries for the conversation, namely making it clear that you want them to be honest in their thoughts and to not just reassure you) how you feel - from the thoughts to the guilt - and to accept their response, whatever it may be. They might never want to talk to you again but the chances for that are slim. Listening to what they feel and think about you will help you separate yourself from how you think are perceived. From my view, it seems like you feel hurt because of exclusion, and the hurt makes you demean the people who excluded you, and doing that makes you feel guilty. Guilt at the barest sign of the possibility of external harm makes me think you're at least not evil, but I'm also quite separated from you so it's easier for me to see these things. In terms of communication, if you want to reach out to one of the people you talk with for that purpose (maybe they're part of the group activity you weren't invited to) you have to start by making clear that you aren't telling them your feelings because you want to be invited in the future. Your traits that make you think you're a covert narcissist have an AOE taunt-like effect that make people feel bad for you and try to fix your issues. The goal for your communication partner would be to be able to sit with that feeling of pity and not act on it, just like how you don't act on your thoughts. If they feel bad that you're hurt by something, that's okay, they don't have to do anything about it at all, at least not in terms of changing their plans or whatnot - in the moment they may choose to comfort you (again, you have to make sure they don't try to reassure you - comfort and reassurance can be totally separate).

I sung it in his voice from the first 3 words, jeez. My highschool years came back to kick me in the balls for 3 seconds.

Thank you. This actually makes a lot of sense and unfortunately makes me realize I probably am a covert narcissist and didn’t even know it. 😔

This is a great analogy, and it also shows how awesome ppl get hurt by others. They are willing to give love, and validation, and be open, and some people are willing to take advantage of that and suck it all up and give nothing in return.

​@unionunicorn6776 That you're considering it puts you ahead of the curve. I've known more than my share of narcissists. One of the hardest realizations I had was that I saw the value of people who couldn't see it in themselves. When I tried to show them they attacked me for it. So I left. If any narcissist ever wants to break free they must do what you've already started to, and confront it. I genuinely believe there's a cure for the emptiness and envy. But it would certainly be scary. If you want to tackle this be good to those who genuinely care about you. It would be far harder to go it alone. Be well.

Agree

Sorry bro, that fucking sucks.

I was like dam... 🤣🤣

Same 😩 Is this much more common than I realized? It's like he knew my mom longer than I do

It's so common that I see a lot of mainstream narratives treat it as normal and just "a part of life"! Pay close attention whenever people say something like "everyone hates their parents until they've moved out, then they'll miss them" ...Not every kid moves out because they can't stand their parents, though. And not every kid who moves out hating their parents crawls back to them. And take care to notice how much it sounds like the way abusive partners tell the one leaving that they'll come back soon enough. I have a big hypothesis that many people who say that stuff have normalized unhealthy parent and child relationships.

@@TheCorty I think you are so right, I'm glad you've brought it up. Excellent example btw. I have experienced it, too, and I can't count how many times I've been told that. This myth is extremely popular where I live, it's so gross and annoying. Also, victims CAN miss their abusers due to codependency, it happens! Just because you miss someone doesn't mean they are good for you. Such a manipulative statement. Remember that "every brother and sister fights, but when you grow up you'll become best buds"? Everyone would tell me that about my violent bully brother. Yeah, well, siblings from other families I've seen treated each other with so much care it was mind-blowing for me. Their occasional fights were nowhere near ours. My brother is now a middle aged man and he has only become worse, I don't want to see him (or any other family member) ever again. God, I hate when people say that.

I meet people like you and can still have a good time, I think cause I grew up with narcissistic parents. I know what you mean though too, but know that there are people in this world understanding enough to love AND like you (both important, watch Bojack Horseman) so keep that head up !

Hope you can achieve this goal

So change. .

@@themysticmuse Corey is trying but change is not overnight. Did you watch the video? Non-traditional narcissists stem from low self esteem, and realistically this mental battle can take a long fucking time

@@Fart_Simpson yeah. I didn't mean that to be heartless. It DOES come across that way. I was just surprised to see someone so self aware. As the narcissists in my life, don't want to. They seem happy to be that way.

I think forgiveness is necessary if you still strongly resent that person to an extent that it eats you up inside. If you reach acceptance in a different route that works too.

Yeah. I prefer the term 'moving on' as opposed to forgiveness.

thats an interesting perspective. I have never experienced an extreme experience like abusive relationships, but I watched a podcast of David Goggins, he and his mother were abused extremely terribly, and his father was also a suspected criminal, but David finally forgave his father's actions, but then never met him again after an aggressive confrontation

Same boat. It is not forgiveness you seek, but insteed acceptance. Accept reality for what happened, learn how its impacted you, and move on in your healthiest way possible :)

If you don’t help your dad who will?

Hope you're doing well a year later friend

hope you are doing good now :)

I hope you’re well now !

Best wishes from the internet, stranger. Your outlook is admirable and I respect you more for it. I hope things are well.

I don't know your story of course, but I am feeling a lot of connections to my own experience. Godspeed man, thanks for sharing

I've realized I'm a covert narcissist a couple years ago and went on my own journey fixing my self-esteem without relying on manipulating others. It's a tough road, even more without any available guides for the self-aware narcissists and no way to confirm what I do wrong and how to do things right, because I don't know how being normal is like. I agree that this matter should really be addressed more.

For children, you can try to alert child services, although their bar for action is pretty high. You can also talk with their teachers and other people in their life. For people abusing their power - for any reason - you can try to take the power away from them through official channels set up to keep people from abusing power. Neither of those are perfect, easy, or foolproof, but it's all I've got. Good luck.

IMO a narcissist rising to power is much less dangerous without a narcissistic populace. If 51%+ of the population is narcissistic and pointed to an enemy, get rdy for a rough ride.

im pretty sure ONLY narcissists have societal control right now. you have to be willing to destroy many lives to rise to power with the way the world works right now

@@notbrad4873 what? do you have any idea how many lives get ripped from this earth just to produce all that crap? the majority of the junk we consume is made by people who if we were to swap places with them, we'd consider it slavery.

There's no such thing as healthy narcissism. Narcissism, by definition, is an UNhealthy obsession with yourself. the NAMESAKE of the disorder was so obsessed with himself he starved to death looking at his own reflection. Self confidence, self worth, and self care are NOT narcissism.

@@lucaswinsor4469 As HealthyGamerGG stated in their pinned message, EVERYONE has aspects of narcissism within them. We NEED to be selfish, confident and love ourselves in moderation. It only becomes unhealthy when it's done to an excessive degree and starts hurting and affecting other people. I encourage you to learn more about narcissism as it is more than simply an obsession with yourself. Narcissism exists on a continuum, ranging from healthy to pathological. It isn't as black and white as most people perceive narcissism to be.

@@lexitao3022 I'm saying I don't agree with that assessment. Aspects of narcissism isn't the same as narcissism itself.

@@lucaswinsor4469 that is a shallow and basically incorrect understanding of what narcissim is. It looks on the outside like the person thinks obbsessively highly of themselves, but what actually fuels that behavior is a critically fragile and low self esteem. That doesn't mean what they do isn't wrong, it is, but you have to understand where it comes from.

@@KD-ou2np Thank you, I appreciate you. I gave up trying to convince him because he seems incredibly obstinate. And it seems he may have deleted his first comment? Anyways I'm glad you seem to have a deeper understanding of what narcissism is. Stay well.

True many healthcare professionals feel it can even be dangerous to take narcissist to therapy especially if it is not someone who specializes i treating them.

Our first reaction is only wrong if we act on it. We should measure it by the Law of God; “ love thy neighbours as you love yourself”.❤ Any other feeling is just like a fly, buzzing past.

True they gotta go to a specialist who knows what's up and won't let them off the hook

@@granmabern5283 I think you are in the wrong area of youtube...

Kind of same. My parents shoved me into "therapy" so many times under the premise of "our kid is evil and we need you to slap some sense into them and make them like us." But of course, they were the abusive ones. My mom's in therapy now but she is getting more and more vitriolic towards me after every appointment

nothing. everyone has a tinge of narcissism in them.

I was also thinking about the same. Probably the important distinction is between true and authentic modesty and modesty that is only a mask in front of other people or even in front of one self. At some point I realized for example while I am very critical of other people, I am much more critical of myself. This is the big ego. Deep down I apparently believe that I am not allowed to make mistakes as other people are allowed to, because I am better than this (and better than them). It took me very long to recognize that because it seems at first as somethibg positive - I am basically more tolerant towards other people. Until I realized it comes from a bad place.

@@JohnSmith-mc2zz I disagree that its mostly fluff. His books are among the few among hundreds I've read that really have helped me with real people in real life in a positive direction. Also sounds like you haven't read him. You might want to give it a shot. Just my 0.02 cents.

@@TheGreektrojan I think you mean my 0.02$, or your 2 cents ;)

@@TheGreektrojan Word. Thanks for the recommendation.

I don't remember reading that. That book has been out for a while, hasn't it?

Thank you this was actually a beneficial recommendation. I was disappointed in the video because Dr K didn’t even try to answer OPs question about how self aware narcissists can improve their behavior so they are no longer acting in a narcissistic manner.

thank you !

but i have a question , if i behave kindly so that they will be kind to me isnt that manipulation again?

I remember reading somewhere like... when having a conversation, try to be as equal as possible with the "I, me, myself" and "you/yourself" aka, ask about someone else about as often as you talk about yourself. And I think what may or may not have been indicated, is to genuinely pay attention to when they are given the chance to talk about themselves.

@@vinayabhat6006 I think that’s a natural, healthy kind of manipulation, if you wanna call it that. We all hope that others will treat us fairly and kindly, and most people will try to invite this behavior by being somewhat fair and kind themselves. It’s natural.

You can say that to any person whose power in your relationship is equal to or higher than yours. Parents, soon to be former friends, exes... You could even say "I truly do hate you, and will never forgive for the rest of my life", if you truly mean it. And you're sure that won't earn you a hard slap or worse. Safety first is a good principle to go with. To someone I hold power over, I'd personally rather say something like "I love you, but I find your current behavior intolerable". I would be very careful to point out that it's the behavior I have issues with, not the person. And I'd try to be as specific as possible about which exact behavior it is that's problematic. I'm not a professional though. Just a child of difficult parents, and parent of a child with a bunch of challenges that (earlier) resulted in a lot of anger needing to he taken out at home. And I have somehow managed to not make the child resent me for life, partly by letting professionals get involved when it was needed.

Concur about power dynamics. As a covert narcissist I've consciously gone out of my way to reject having power in a relationship because it's awkward as hell. But you can't really function in society without being in some power dynamic relationship. At work I have peers and I have managers. So, it's really helpful for me to be told what behaviors specifically to stop doing and whete the boundaries are, but, it's really not easy for me to stop being needy.

Yep I told my brother and father this. And I’m free baby lol.

you can present it like some kind of allergy... like "I don't hate you but I know you're bad for me so I'd rather avoid you rather than ending up ressenting/hating you"

How are you doing now? How's your son doing?

rip

fuck. me too 😂 narcissistic parents?

That’s the dynamic women tend to put men in

@@heythere6983 The ego most women have in this day and age is insane, I imagine that comes with being handed almost everything at birth like infinite compliments and pampering along with easier access to whatever they would want at any moment. now they just look for novelty until it runs out, then its off to the next fix because they have unlimited opportunities and options, why would they worry about ANYTHING? unless its something they realize they cant get. honestly horrifying how antisocial women can be/are. and nobody bats a eye to it.

Maybe you have PTSD or something. These vampires can smell the people pleasing

As an autistic person myself, I’m extremely impressed with how you and your friend showed such insight and were able to repair your relationship.

I don't think there is a difference. Low self-esteem is the root of narcissism, and it just shows itself in different ways. I feel as if narcissism itself is a sort of coping mechanism to low self-esteem, where one needs validation externally no matter how they get it, instead of being internally validated.

@@theflyingnegro5063 That certainly describes one particular situation, but there are others. There are (I think fairly obviously) many with low-self esteem who aren't narcissists, but who may come off differently depending on the situation. (trying not to repeat myself here) Anything can be viewed (filtered) as something it's not if the approach is that it's simply always manifesting itself differently externally-though there are absolutely some types of narcissism that do. That feels like a heavy-handed approach and I'd be wary of inching towards a blanket labeling of those with low self-esteem as likely being narcissists. That's not far off from victim blaming since they're often the victims of abuse, sometimes by actual narcissists.

@@awave1 when I say narcissism, I don’t mean people with narcissistic personality disorder, I mean the general term of egoism, as an aspect of humanity, I should’ve made that specification. If you’re looking to external validation for something you don’t have confidence in, that’s a narcissistic tendency. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a narcissist though, cause we all do so at some point. Narcissism is on a spectrum in psychology, and those with NPD are simply on the high end of it.

@@awave1 i guess to try and answer your original question, I’d say it just depends how far on the narcissistic spectrum they are. The more self-centered in the literal definition, the more narcissistic.

@@theflyingnegro5063 You can be on the extreme end of being self-centered and not have NPD though. There are different and more broad criteria for that diagnosis. For example, a person can be extremely self-centered, but still have a high capacity for empathy, whereas someone with NPD notably lacks that capacity.

Forgive as freely or stringently as you please, dear friend. Anyone telling you that you must do it their way is a narcissist themselves.

Forgive for your own sake so you don’t hold on to resentment. It’s not for the institutions and people that have abused you.

​@@jaredmellobut if I've done nothing that NEEDS forgiveness why do I need to forgive someone who really fucked up my life?

@@afreaknamedallie1707 forgive is maybe not the right word. Letting go of resentment is what I mean.

I agree. I'll write it off as bad debt (so to speak), but otherwise the account is closed.

I had this experience too, this explains some things, thank you.

I have autism and I was abused by a narcissist. I don't understand the confusion?

Autism can appear that way but it depends on the inner work of the individual. I'm ASD but I don't lash out at people nor am I entitled to anything from anyone. I also share openly with those around me but I'm not seeking anything from them or judging them in the process to the best of my ability. I can't speak for other ASD folk since it's highly individual...Any defenses I have are from other npd or BPD abuse. So ASD people can shut down but it's more nuanced, you have to look at all the context in their lives...

If you have met one person with ASD then you have met one person with ASD. Every autistic person is different.

Sounds exactly like how my father was when I was growing up. He'd beat us for misbehaving in the slightest and people in our neighborhood always thought he was a nice guy and looked up to him.

Dang, that's deep. It's like, there is no true validation to be gained from others. And stepping the fuck up is the only way

So, you should never take a diagnosis from a comment section, but a lot of the things you mentioned are also common in anxiety (especially social anxiety) disorders. I'd say try to keep the self-diagnosing to a minimum because it's so easy to overthink things and only see the symptoms we have and ignore the ones we don't. If you're concerned that you're not getting the help you need, I can honestly only recommend going to a therapist. They're trained to not just notice the signs, but also can have a better idea how consistent they have to be. Anyway, I know this was a bit rambling but I hope I helped even a little!

Gotta go with gamergal on this one. youtube comment sections tend to be anathema to the truth, and when it comes to psychology (a field of medicine that is so easy to mess up that PhDs do it somewhat often), bad shit happens. you want a diagnosis? go to a psychologist/psychiatrist.

Definitely go to a doctor, but to add my 2 cents: the narcissistic manipulation can also be unconscious, it's essentially a self-defense and self-soothing mechanism. Don't rely on my anecdotal evidence, but my grandma was absolutely a covert narcissist (which I've only started to realize recently) and she had absolutely no self-awareness about her manipulation and mind games, nor did she accept any attempts to help her overcome those things.

I haven't seen any comments that say anything about empathy, do you have it? Can you like/love people can you feel when people like/love you? If so, you are not a narc

@@GH23d7sL45 Having awareness and a drive to understand is AMAZING! I'm proud of you 👏 remember that regardless of the label, this formed because of trauma and that it isn't your fault. No one can heal when they're demonised and stigmatised. Much love x

@@GH23d7sL45 look up Professor Sam Vaknin. He's the leading researcher for NPD. He is a fully diagnosed narcissist who is a psychologist and has dedicated his life to personality disorders and research! He is the one responsible for the lingo that all the other less accredited KZfaq psychs use. I studied psychology with a MASSIVE focus on PDs. BPD and NPD. I promise you that yes it is a combination of things, but that PDs come from a core root of trauma. Self blame, shame, self hatred ..these things all too work to keep you stuck! PDs are said to be incurable, but psychology is evolving every day. We now know that people with BPD for example, experience a decrease in symptoms over time. That's backed up by many studies carried out over time, you can find them within Sam Vaknins content with linked sources and credit so you know that it's very legitimate data. He has actually developed a programme that will be getting approved very soon. It's a model designed by narcissists for narcissists. It's designed around the concept of that core wound and all of the defense mechanisms that our brain builds up to build a PD. I suggest taking a look! I have never met a narcissist who is so open about themselves, with such drive to understand. I don't say that to invalidate, I say it to give you hope. I know I'm just a random girl on the internet, but I have dedicated the last 6 or so years into researching and I'd just love to share what I've found. I'm Autistic too so I am literal, thorough and will never give advice that is not backed up by evidence! I hope this helps even a little 😁

I'm not sure quite what it means to call someone a turkey, but it's definitely negative and dismissive

I don't think anyone called anyone a turkey here.

That was my thought too. There appear to be several common elements between anxiety and the 2nd type of narcissism, but the thing is, what you and I may be dealing with is a mix of both. Anxiety is focused on the future, and narcissism on the self, but they both make you think irrationally that something bad is going to happen unless you're comforted. Narcissism is fed with compliments and anxiety is fed by control. That's the difference, what they focus on, and what calms them down temporarily and makes them grow. The mechanisms they use are the same though, so they may sometimes sorta "merge" together and become hard to tell apart.

@@ivanljujic4128 wow, yeah control is what describes me. I have tons of interpersonal anxiety and I dont need your compliments, I just need control. I literally havent been able to date because im terrified of losing the ability to retreat into my cozy room all day. I have a lot of the same symptoms listed but I dont get anything fron reassurance and im fairly sure I dont seek it from anyone. But I feel a lot of whats talked about here. Sigh, I guess ultimately I should just try and be a positive person and not let whatever I may or may not have get in the way of healthy mutually fulfilling relationships. I hope thats possible for me

Anxiety and narcissism are both rooted in insecurities and that symptom is common to both of them.

@@cory99998 that sounds like trauma. It's healthy to have personal space at some point. It means a lot you can see your own avoidance. It just means getting comfortable that the right people will add to your life around them and they won't force you to leave your safety and you get to decide when you want the safety. No one can take that away from you. If anything the fear may be to communicate to others "hey I have to go in my cave it's not personal...just gotta recharge and then I'll be back in x days". Healthy women and men know this is normal and won't lash out at you about it...hope that helps

@@hspinnovators5516 Thanks, I've just found that most people are uncomfortable with my recharge time. Its a bit excessive haha

Same!!😭💕

Jerry and Beth?

It's not a narcissistic tendency to place people above oneself?? What are you talking about

@@VioletEmerald Dr. K explains it in the video as the other side of narcissistic behaviour

I completely agree with you and your comment is spot on. It perfectly describes someone from my past. This is literally spot on.

Inadvertently you end up making everything about you anyway. I know, I’m the same.

Almost anyone wants validation from others, especially teenagers. It's deeply ingrained in our culturally learned behavior to want it and there is good reason to believe we are hard-wired to want social validation because of evolutionary concerns (to survive in a tribal society your tribe needs to accept you). Narcissism is a spectrum. Teenage personality disorders are a very contentious subject because our society expects teenagers to experiment with different personality styles. Don't worry too much about it. If you have a consistent pattern where you notice that other people are hurt by your actions, then it's time to consider a personality disorder.

Take this with a grain of salt because this is just off of memory... I've heard it said that teenagers, with their development and hormones at their peak, are often clinically insane by adult standards. Being a teenager literally drives you insane. But you grow out of being a teenager by gaining awareness, learning what's healthy and what's not, and learning...about yourself! You change a lot as a teenager, so much it's hard for yourself to keep up with.

i am a teenager rn , and i am realising that i am a non-traditional narc .... you are saying that you "were" one , can you please share how you overcome it ?

@@vinayabhat6006 I think part of the problem was I was always trying to read other people. Like, I would tailor my behaviour to give off the best impression, and then expect praise in return. It helped me to realise that people are gonna think what they think, and I ultimately cannot control their perception of me. Just be honest with people, and don't be afraid to assurt your point of view once in a while (when appropriate, of course). Also, don't worry about seeming like an idiot: ask dumb questions if you have to and learn, listen to critisism other people have of you and notice the bruised ego feeling (only if that's a problem for you, maybe I'm projecting). It's about being not scared to change who you are and how you interact with people.

Losing your ego for a while is an attractive concept, honestly

@@charwyrm8702 from experience it can be amazing, other times terrifying. Its what you put into it friend! Last time I had what I could only describe as ego death during a trip, I spent the next 2 weeks seeing a literal monkey, an ape, in the mirror, no longer a man, just a super evolved ape, it was really freeing

What is this a reference to?

@@johnathanparker2182 early on in the video a chatter suggests getting the guy some acid. I cba to timestamp it, but it's pretty early on

@@charwyrm8702 Oh! Acid not avid. That makes more sense

Second that ❤️ The education this world needs beeing distributed far & wide, it’s beautiful to participate in

they're aware that people react and want different things to them but they all have this eye-roll-i'm-gonna-ignore-it kind of behaviour

Psychology is a weird beast

Are you sure about that diagnosis, do you ever feel bad when something happened to someone else, do you have any person that you care about, even one?

I'm on the same boat too. Let's do this.

@@GM-yb5yg You can feel sad about what happens to someone and you can feel care for someone, while still being an ego farmer. I don't think those are reliable measurements.

I noticed myself being a covert narcissist a couple years ago and have been on a journey to feed my self-esteem more effectively by actually doing shit, instead of relying on emotionally manipulating people like I'm a baby or go on a pointless downspiral of punishing myself. It's a tough journey without much guide out there. Gotta own our flaws and make real achievements that makes ourselves proud.

Covert narcissism might be a bit of a jump here. Borderline personality disorder is like covert narcissism but unlike narcissists, BPD folk are able to be made self aware of their actions. Not diagnosing, just throwing some information out there.

A BPD narc for me wouldn't leave my car ...when I asked them too..not only is it control it's blatant disregard of boundaries...