Make that into a commercial. Want to stay young forever? Here is the solution.

@@rowantic6539 I could see a black mirror episode of this lol

well ...

“live fast, die young, leave behind a beautiful corpse”

I mean ...

I relate to that. 💜 I'm also trying to overcome it.

@@emmarie2930 here’s to us hopefully overcoming it! Good luck to you 🤞

i relate soooo much... i feel like this "public performance" thing for me is quickly snowballing into anxiety, i just can't shake the fact that when people walk past me, at school, or even on the streets, they are probably judging me (when in reality, they're just going on about their day), i can't bring myself to look at anyone as they pass by, and i'm always conscious about what i look like from the point of other people, to the point where i'm literally sweating from just trying to get home as fast as possible to avoid being seen. i hope you overcome your issue soon, best of luck to you.

@@soggybanana can relate... it's incredible how much of a priority it seems to be for the brain, like it matters more than our safety and comfort. of course people really didn't mind you, but it's hard to keep yourself grounded on reality while getting bombarded with such on-the-nose content

You may be able to overcome it with therapy. That sounds so frustrating. I'm so sorry. 😢

Love this 😂😂

Can't smell poopoo thru the screen 🥴👌🏼

We are all full of shit

Gross dawg

You made me smile today

to be fair, it isn't the apps fault. people are sick💔

@@LunaxM this is untrue. Tiktoks algorithms reward beauty and punish "ugliness" (or just averageness). It's not just people

@@carina-nonbinary well the app is made by people sooo

@@mrtvyanjel but it’s a tool. That can’t be ignored, so it does play a role

@@LunaxM there’s differently people who are behind these trends that do it to make themselves feel better at the expense of other’s miseries

That’s literally me right now and I can’t explain why I feel that way

Right, like our lives just started

so strange, they legit still grappling with teenage hormonal acne, like...wut

@@Kissmyasinine the more you stressed about it the faster you age tbh. Just enjoy life and don’t obsess about looks too much.

If you build your life the right way, it will get better and happier with each year. I just started getting slight smile eye wrinkles a few months ago and love it tbh. It just shows that I am living a fulfilled life, right on my face, and that is beautiful to me. :)

👋🏾

The way I was literally just on tiktok before posting this LMAO 🤭

✋

✋🌸

✋🏽

That’s pretty powerful actually

yes this!! and its honestly sad and funny when these pretty people try so hard to fight their aging using all these products, like at this point who cares?? we're going to die anyways so fck it

Love that

Same here lol

I have noticed that those who grew up "ugly" are the ones who look great as they age.

Lol😭

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Same 😂😂😂

Actually, Megan- I can't sit anywhere

huhehuehue

*plays the worlds tiniest violin*

@@lukeessman8030 don’t be a dick, dude

fr. and it’s ironic because this is the generation that is so obsessed with mental health.

@@tatwrianna24 Right. Those people are the main ones causing someone's mental health to diminish..

The bullying had damaged my self-esteem more than seeing beautiful people in the media, to be honest. Like I didn't start comparing myself to other people until I got bullied for my looks.

You win the internet today thank you

Take my like this made me chuckle 😂

pinterest board nirvana made me giggle lmfao

You have a fascinating mind. Hilarious.

PINTEREST BOARD NIRVANAAA😭😭😭💀💀💀

I just realized that like weeks ago and honestly it definitely helped me build my confidence level. I feel like it’s not just you being ugly it’s your mindset that’s ugly. One you can allow yourself to think that being ugly is okay and that you’re not going to be the most beautiful person. It’s as it you don’t have to conform to societies beauty expectations and feel so alive and free. I feel like we tend to deny instead of accepting and once we start accepting I’m not even kidding you will see yourself 1000x attractive.

Yeah over here in America there was a video that went viral of a girl saying not to laugh or smile to “not cause smile lines” and it’s like…do you not realize that you’ll just age to always look like you’re frowning? Even when you’re not, your skin will sag to that position from not smiling/laughing which I just found out. I’d take smile lines over that any day!

@@raversfantasy It is incredible all the more so coz...on one hand we just celebrated Women's Day like yay us look at all the progress, power to women...Simultaneously...women don't smile because you will have human facial expression lines for...being human. Insane..

@@raversfantasy I watched a friend basically put themselves in a logic loop like a bad AI trying to figure out the cost of "Drinking from a straw prevents my teeth from staining but drinking from a straw will give me drinky wrinkles" and it was... painful. (She went with no straw with the logic that tooth whitening is getting better and better)

Brazil too…… :(

I can count a handful of people who had bbl here including my mother

The biggest anti-ageing tips are good diet, excercise, sunscreen, retinol, no alcohol or tobacco, sleep and no stress

I think you missed the point

You are absolutely right. When you are beautiful, especially as a child and teenager, you get used to being complimented and treated a certain way. It forms your character and you depend on your looks to be liked. But it also means that your looks are up for discussion and scrutiny from others. Once you start losing those looks (which will inevitably happen), be it age, gaining weight, having an accident or health condition, you will be treated differently. It's not all bad, since less beautiful people are treated more based on their character and knowledge, but the change will be very clear and it will send them the message that they are no longer beautiful. You can't lose what you never had and especially, you cannot define yourself with something that will eventually fade away.

@@kshamwhizzle6544 sudden smh i am fine now but yeah I'm glad i left the pretty privilege is only useful if you define your worth to obtaining male validation and i quickly found out i could care less about that LOL. Glad im getting older now and it mostly stopped and people leave me alone lol

Sounds like a defence mechanism, being born beautiful is literally everything. Even people born only rich will never know the heights of such a privilege. It is God given and a divine blessing.

Same

Ugly is an alternative word for unhealthy. But for some reason people just believe beauty is a specific look and forget that beauty is health and being the healthiest version of YOU ❤ ‘not a specific skin tone or height or hair color but the healthiest version of yourself possible inside and out

What's your version of ugly then?

But what does ‘ugly’ mean or look like to you? That’s what you need to unpack and understand. Because to some people ugly is signs of aging and that’s going to happen regardless.

@@Randompotatoes-qs7bm I can’t answer that now. Back then just the common not extremely Hott. I’m 36 now. I don’t see ugly just what I find attractive and not. That was when I was a kid to young adult.

I feel you, being 26 but looking very young to some people.. older men act disappointed I'm not 19 or 22!! I saw a comment on another video that said aging is a blessing, not a curse... think of all the people who were denied the opportunity of getting to live past [insert any number here].

I'm so sorry that you had to experience that! I'm certain that as your friend said, your birthday is a blessing, and you yourself are a blessing because of your resiliency. I hope you become much more comfortable on camera and that those cruel people don't bother you as much or at least don't get to you as much anymore. Have a wonderful day and good luck with your life and dreams.

@Merula Amethyst It's sick!!

@@jensendsflowers there aren’t enough ppl who talk about this. I look(ed) young for my age too, and I can’t tell you how skivved I was at 24 bc men would approach me thinking I was 17/18. And even when trying to interact with men my own age, I always had to wonder if part of the reason they were talking to me was bc they had a “type” and the type was/is “young.”

@@jensendsflowers one of the most disturbing and disappointing experiences I've had was the day I turned 20. I was devastated, genuinely in tears, because I was no longer "a teen" and therefore "not sexy". It was horrifying to me that I felt this way; that I'd internalised such a disgusting idea to such an extent. I've mostly gotten over it (it was a wake-up call), but it's always there in the back of my mind every birthday.

​@@Painted_Panther SAMEEEE I LOOK SO MUCH LIKE MY DAD IT HURTS AND I WANT TO GET SURGERY TO BUT LOOK LIKE HIM WHEN I LOVE IT AND HAVE THE MONEY

You can be beautiful within, but if you look like Gollum no one will enjoy your company because people are repulsed by ugliness. Just fucking google or read books with research, doctor. Human brain is hardwired against ugliness.

it is the truth and it sucks, my insecurity about my appearance is completely rooted in how that has proved to be the only gateway to having value to a lot of people

​@@un_r34l1stsame I look more like my dad I wush I looked like my mom😢

It hurts that that last sentence is the truth. This is why I don't judge people on their appearance and it's unfathomable how other's can do that.

Are they those things where the drops make your pupils bigger to emulate lust/love?

Beauty has always been a symbol of wealth.

If anything I feel like it's more accessible now to be "beautiful".

Really? It’s more accessible than ever. Before- only naturally pretty people had the privilege

Same

Also same

no cuz actually why does my heart get so full of love and emotion when i think about my cats??

Yes I love that she added that part. I also enjoy admiring my cats :3.

@@mimikyu_ Yes I totally agree 😭🫶

I 100%agree with you!!! It’s so dehumanizing and just makes you feel like shit in the long run even though it makes you feel good in the moment

Someone who is obsessed with beauty is probably not very confident. That's why they look down on others to make themselves feel better.

honestly I think that way when I see a girl with features I'm jealous of but she does not put effort in

😮

Having a skincare routine isn't inherently bad or even related to anti-aging. Washing your face, moisturizing it, and wearing sunscreen is an important part of having healthy skin, which should be what it's all about. Unfortunately, social media has definitely altered it to be more about "looking young," but I don't personally see a basic routine focused around health being a negative thing. I really wish skincare wasn't currently equated to beauty, when it should be about health and self-care

@@hvrrormind agreed. There is a difference between applying moisturizer to keep your skin hydrated and putting on some weird cream promoting benefits which it may not have. Skin is an organ and I am thinking of buying a few creams myself, but not any anti-aging ones. The beauty market has reaaally f'ed up skincare for me. I like the idea, but not how they market it. It's petty and pretty dumb to think like that, but hey! I hate it and I cannot ignore it.

@@hvrrormindYesssss exactly!

its so strange and heartbreaking. I feel like were living in a dystopia.

This makes me think of korea

Is denied access to beauty referring to how culture says you need to be a certain way (color/gender/body type) to be beautiful? If that's what you mean, any suggestions on how to make it less painful? I know something I've done if someone calls me ugly is remind myself that some internet a-hole saying it doesn't make it truth. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. If you have a suggestion I'd love to hear.

I hear this. Being denied access to beauty has often meant being denied access to “love”. Relatives at the family gatherings don’t dote on you, they make jabs at your expense, or even forget about you entirely. It’s being invisible in public spaces. If you are seen it’s with disgust, before you’ve even opened your mouth to say hello. It can be so painfully isolating and humiliating.

When I was a teen, punk rock was really popular and indie music and culture was emerging. I really liked it and liked some of the guys who participated in it. And then, as a geeky, 85 lb, black girl with glasses, I realized I wasn’t who the music was made for. Everyone in those scenes idolized the manic pixie dream girl with the “pixie” white features. I remember that realization hit me like a rock. “This wasn’t made for me”.

Stupid ah problem lmfao. Try being denied water. Some of y’all sound so privileged

I can relate. The fact that Hollywood always show beautiful British looking women as the only and major beauty standard for women (Margot Robbie, Angelina Jolie, Meghan Fox, Scarlett Johansson) doesn't help for sure.

I love that! “Consumerism masquerading as self care” YESS! Well said!👏👏👏

yesss so true. its very easy and as u said probs doesnt require u to buy anything! also personally it made me feel good about my own thick hairy brows that i got made fun of my whole childhood bcs i saw girls actually appreciating and showing off and liking their naturally full dark brows!:) that was one of the few nice trends (also i think its still kinda w us, which i think is a proof of how appreciated it was)

I think about the societal masquerades too! They all must end! I am exhausted and if it wasn't for the actual, nonmasquerading self care of laying on accupressure mats, I would have still been too clouded up in my conditioning to see through the cruel pageantry

It's even funnier when you realise that many teens have wrinkles, you know, from showing their emotions on their face. I've had wrinkles on my forehead and a bit between the eye since I was 12. So I find it weird that people seem to think wrinkles = age lol. I'm not old, I'm just an expresive person lol.

@@saragreenfire4515idk man I don’t think teenagers naturally have wrinkles. The only dude I’ve known that is young with wrinkles was bc he did hella oxys in highschool. So how u doin? Hahaha whatchu not tellin us

@@lukeessman8030 It's genetic dude. My sister got them too. Along with a good part of the family on my mum's side. And I'm talking small lines, not deep wrinkles. Sure, it might not be common, but it is not rare. I use my eyebrows a lot to express myself, so, similar to how everyone have lines in their hands, I have two (much fainter) line on my forehead (and even fainter between the eyes). It's not the sort of thing that is super obvious, so you probably never noticed other people having those sort of faint lines lol. I noticed those because they made me insecure for a few months and started to examine others to see if they have them too. Also, what the heck is even oxy? An oxyde of something?

@@saragreenfire4515Don’t answer anymore to him, the guy is a douche I’ve seen him in other subcomment sections.

@@saragreenfire4515 oxy is opioid drugs

I get this so hard!! I’m full Indian, but I’m darker skinned and look like a stereotypical Indian person you could think of, while my moms family is very light skinned and look Italian. I’ve been bullied for being the dark “ugly” one by my mother my whole life! The worst thing she did was make me leave the photo she was taking of her and her sister’s family, who are all lightskinned bc I wouldn’t match or some shi. Please get away from toxic family as soon as u have the means and opportunity to do so, it feels SOOO much better.

It doesn't. Whiteness necessarily rejects features of other cultures and phenotypes because it makes them feel insecure about their lack of culture and unified identity. Whiteness is, bluntly speaking, an agreed upon shade of madness that much of the world is ill with but no one will admit it. I do hope it can be healed but we're not quite there yet.

I wanna say same but I did have a Latino dad and stepdad so it’s different because I still was able to piece together where and why I look the way I do. So, my mom, knows we are whitewashed to the point sometimes me and my sister will say we are white but my mom chimes in saying we are just whitewashed like thanks pale Latina who made us the way we are. And the hairy thing omg, my mom said at least we aren’t hairy like the “rest of them” but like mom, we are, and then she says we aren’t like the other Mexicans 😅 and yeah no duh but who cares? And then she’ll go on about how pale skin is prettier than darker skin, saying that dark skin is dirty 😅 and like we are pale compared to other Mexicans but nowhere near being her level of pale because we still have been judged on our skin by actual white people and other Latinos can tell we are Latino by our looks, sometimes I feel like if she wasn’t our mom she would be racist towards us 😂 but maybe that’s too extreme

@@lifekindasucksrn6442omg that is just fucking horrible, I hope you are doing okay now

@@41052 thats not to extreme she hates yall tbh and yes she would, as a mom i will tell u most babies arent made from love and that itself is why so many people are messed up bc their parents never loved them

Who cares what a streamer looks like? As long as you are funny or interesting, people will watch. Go for it!!!

I’d totally watch your streams if you ever decided to, don’t let nobody or nothing get you down

I’m also 40’s now and I’m surprised at how insecure I’ve become lately. It’s not that I wish to get plastic surgery or anything but I don’t want hurtful comments on my appearance.

But they watch neckbeard, legit objectively ugly guys streaming on Twitch tho? You just wouldn't be as popular as the feminine streamers but you also wouldn't be objectified as much as them

41 year old female gamer here too :) I’m actually aro-ace and was still attempting to do the beauty standard thing for most of my life because it was just what was expected. It was an objectively poor attempt because I have the fashion sense of someone with no fashion sense, but I tried anyway. Regarding the streaming, it’s not uncommon for people to use modestly animated avatars…That would protect your privacy and you would never have to see nasty comments about your appearance. I watch plenty of videos with people whose faces I’ve never seen.

Yeah, totally agree. Apart from a few toe dips in like 2018 and 2021, I’ve decided to pass on (Twitter,) Insta, and TikTok… so when I hear news about stuff coming outta there I’m like “woah WTF even @.@“

@@crownprincesslaya2 I watch little youtube video’s giving updates on some of the things that happen on Twitter and Tiktok sometimes. The things that happen on there… Things not even infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters could come up with.

This encapsulates my current dilemma in such a nicely put way, I didn't have the words to express what I was thinking but reading all this told me everything I wanted to articulate ♥

Honestly same. I genuinely started to wear makeup and do skincare because I literally thought that since I couldn't be skinny, my face would be my best asset so I had to enhance it. Today, I start and end my day with my skincare and it centers me for the day, it feels like me time. I also genuinely enjoy doing makeup and trying more looks, I work out and I wear skirts because I feel *less bulky in them and also because they're nice. As a result, a part of me is like, did I grow to enjoy those things because I felt like I had to and it became part of my life? Do I like myself more because I've grown into who I am or because I am societally 'palatable'?? Is it wrong to enjoy being more conventionally attractive? How do I truly learn how to love myself then? Where's the out? Margaret Atwood wrote 'you are your own voyeur', even when there's no man around there's one in your head judging you and yeah... I wish I could just rid myself of that. But also, as a black woman, I just have this added pressure of looking put together and attractive enough to be considered a woman, to not be regarded as this angry thing. It's... I'm working on it. On my perception and on my perception of others' perception of me. It's a lifetime process aye?

skincare is important especially spf and cleansing vitalize that in the long run it'll be convenient

@@Lara-vo6rp There is a diference between washing + moisturizing and taking 10 products.

@@saragreenfire4515 obviously no sht sherlock nobody needs to do all that

i didn't start wearing makeup until i was nearly 15! just remember it's up to you what you do. if you want to put on makeup, there's nothing wrong with that, but don't let your opinions be swayed by peers.

I would also say as a teenager I did exactly no skincare (except suncream in summer - it was the early 00s and we weren't told to use it all year also it's the UK) and people would compliment my skin. Move to 18 year old me getting my first boyfriend, suddenly thinking wait I'm meant to do skincare that's definitely a thing I'm meant to know about. And then starting cleansing and toning and moisturising daily with products I could afford and my skin went mad at me. Like where is just washing your face with soap and water? What is this stuff? I will now be both dry and oily, this is your own fault!! So my advice is do what serves you and not what you think people expect you to do. Except suncream, that is important.

LOUDER

For me, the reason I choose not to wear it is because I feel as if I'm not really being myself and it just feels weird in general.

What about people like me who love makeup and have alot of fun doing it. I don't feel the pressure to put it on since I never even put it on outside. Sometimes I'm just at home, bored, and I do my makeup cuz it's fun and therapeutic to me. I'm an artist and it's like painting except I'm the canvas. I have no issues with my natural face either.

@@starphoenix6307 Happy for you girl, but we live in a society, not a vacuum. I said "most." Do you disagree and think women are not pressured to wear makeup? I think you should question your reaction to this. Something can be both an art form you enjoy, and an oppressive, costly, and gendered expectation.

@@prikas4313 Oh no no I totally get it and agree! I thought you meant for all women so I was like hey some just like makeup cuz it's like art. But you're absolutely right.

my wrinkly ass forehead makes me so sad I'm 21 and everyone just lies about it not being wrinkly when i bring it up

yes honestly!! im 20, i got wrinkly/ fine liney forehead luckily my friends assured me they have fine lines too (and they take rly good care of their skin) but any signs of ageing i’m like oh no 😦

@@ruipana They probably legitimately don't notice until you point it out. Regardless, we shouldn't be ashamed of aging. Aging is a privilege not everyone gets to experience and I'm going to own my wrinkles. After I get over my insecurity influenced by people who use antiwrinkle straws.

No I always notice yellow teeth

Dude yes! I’m 24 and within the last year I’ve realized i have 2 forehead lines and they are killing me all i wanna do is get Botox or filler or something I keep telling myself it’s ok like i have the line because I’m always making a judgy face or squinting my eyes because I’m outside a lot but i still don’t like that really :/

isn’t that the point? they wanna look like women/ feminine. it’s kinda weird that you imagine actual women to be trans when they’re the ones trans people wanna be like

@@sana0111They mean that it doesn't make sense that trans women are holding themselves to higher standards when they can still look like some biological women regardless.

Seriously. And in some spheres, not adhering to beauty standards is the norm (ie women in academia, queer women who aren't femme, etc). Especially when we grow older and our bodies change, less of us chase those expectations. So why do we tell transwomen they aren't valid unless they not only chase them but catch them. This is crazy, and wouldn't be so accepted if we didn't hold a knife to their right to exist, making passing key to being safe in society. This is made all the worse by pick-mes like Bl**r Wh**e.

@@ArtisanAsteroid theyre NOT holding themselves to higher standards, society is dont get it twisted

​@@dazey8706the problem is that it's very easy to internalize all those outside pressures and messaging when you're hearing them all the time

Oof felt you on the acne part. I still have it, but it's not severe as it used to be but growing up my mom used to always say "no man is going to want you when your skin looks like that" my self esteem fell out of my ass and because of that I don't think I deserve to be loved lol ☹️

@@pinkturtle2016 I'm so sorry your mom said that. That is so cruel. My dad made mean comments about my body and acne and they always stung so badly! Even if it doesn't feel like it, the truth is, you deserve to be loved, everyone does!!

I wish you lots of love. You've been through a lot. Nurture your soul 💖

@@chatnoir9038 thank means so so much to me. Thank you💓🥺

powerful comment, it introduces me to a perspective i've never thought about. thought provoking, allowing me to reduce my ignorance and to learn acceptance.

Bless you, darling. This must have been a scary few years for you. We are all unlearning our biases but it's really fucking hard. All my love and support to you. Be gentle with yourself, take care of yourself, you deserve it! xx ❤❤

It doesn’t help either when ur own family is fatphobic and everyone else is skinny or straight size in your family. The hurtful energy starts at home and then everyone in your family gaslights you saying “I’m not sugarcoating my words because I love you.” Your family is the first persons to let you know your success rate relies on how you look and it’s usually based on toxic motivation to better yourself.

Deep

peruse your own ideas of beauty. YES !!💞

Yeah it’s really hard to ignore beauty standards when also worried about passing, so props for trying to work through that! Also I don’t pass and am young myself so I felt that lol Stay strong homie ❤

The term passing has always bothered me for that exact reason. Sex and gender are two different things. So how does “passing” as a certain sex affirm my gender identity? To me, that only makes the gender=sex binary stronger. Gender is a very personal experience. If what I’m fighting for is a box I can comfortably sit in, I don’t want it.

I accepted a while ago that I can just work to be the best version of myself. Sounds pompous & overstated, but ideals & aesthetics are nothing more than things to enjoy & admire. Once you stop trying to aspire to achieve these difficult results, you learn to set your own goals & celebrate your own body & expression. Being trans fed into this, bc it helped to realise this - I’m never gonna “pass” the way I am. Not in the eyes of online strangers, or my friends. And so what? The best I can do is be comfortable in my body until I can get the resources to transition. I’m tired of being hateful, I want to be euphoric.

As a fat nb person getting top surgery, I agree. I worry I’ll regret it. But I think it’s the right thing for me.

my cis friend got asked if she was trans the other day, too. while there's obviously nothing wrong with actually being trans, the fact that they were insinuating she somehow didn't look feminine enough to be a woman is messed up. there's no correct way to be a woman, and if you're basing womanhood off of natural features... yikes. i hope you're doing ok after the comments!

On Reddit I see a lot of these comments

@@beauxangesyeah they think every female celebrity is “secretly trans” or something. They’d so many images of them “pointing out” how they supposedly are. It’s so weird. Obviously nothing wrong with being trans. Just insane posts

I feel your pain. Once I was writing an academic paper on the biases of media algorithms and I tried the TikTok one. According to it, the more you score towards your biological sex, the prettier you are... I'm a cis girl and I scored 94% masculine. You know what? Maybe I'm handsome and not pretty, but that's meaningless and based on the biases of some programmers, it has no objective reasoning to it

Same

I really would have thought facial and body hair would be high up on the list of desirability for transmasculinity! Personally I think facial and body hair is cool and beautiful, and don't understand why it's gone "out of fashion".

I felt that, I've been on T for about a year and am in an awkward stage with tons of acne and hair growing in various places I never paid attention to before. I think I take good care of myself in terms of hygiene, but when I see thin, conventionally attractive transmasc people with clear skin and no random hairs on their body it makes me feel disgusting

@@4nn4h transmascs are in a unique position with body hair standards, as you either have to have a full flawless beard with no patches or neck hair, and thick attractive body hair in every place that men get it, or you have to be shaven clean, and every one of us is supposed to have clear flawless skin. neither of those standards are realistic for us, however, as hormones work in unique ways and most of us don't look even remotely like the trans guys you see on a tiktok fyp

@@shady_daze i feel you so hard dude. if it makes you feel any better, it's natural to gain body fat when you're on T. something that's unrealistically pushed to us is rail-thin trans guys that look like anime boys.

That’s really ridiculous, trans people are literally going through artificial puberty, and puberty is awkward!

As a South Asian gay teenager who felt this way about themselves 4 - 5 years ago , it will get better ❤️. U don't have to buy expensive things as a self care regime to love yourself :⁠-⁠) washing your own face once in a day is self care. I am sorry that u felt for like u had to change something about yourself especially your complexion

same. I can only live in the moment if I’m not being aware of my body, and I’m always aware of my body so it’s really difficult. I’ll seriously spiral if I look in a mirror for too long and I avidly avoid them because some mirrors make me look worse than others

I understand that….I feel like I can’t escape it. And then when I do remove myself I have people in my life who berate me for it. It’s like I either close myself off and not interact with people, or I pretend/force myself to care I like how she talked about performing beauty and who we do it for For example there was this guy who I was hanging out with. I found it odd that he remembered my clothing a certain way, when I wasn’t dressed that way….

I totally relate to that. "I'm supposed to be at my prime of beauty now." That whole sentiment. Much love, girlll

i feel the same way. it's so frustrating. i want to cater to traditional beauty standards because of men, but i don't even like men romantically.

Your icon is absolutely fucking terrifying

Don’t you want to look beautiful for women then, though?

Same!

such little makeup sometimes makes the biggest difference in how people treat you. it hurts

as a man this really opened my eyes thank you for sharing

Ngl this comment has me a little shook because I've gone bare faced my entire life and still do so every day. (just not a fan of makeup personally.) I don't really feel any special ill treatment apart from getting ignored a lot. But I've always taken that for granted when it comes to existing in public in proximity to other strangers. Is that not normal?

@@deg8517 i think from personal experience that even if getting ignored is normal idk why it is hard for me to go back to being ignored after seeing how keeping my hair a certain way or acting / behaving in a certsin way makes people acknowledge my presence and not treat me poorly. It's like a whole addiction game where i am a rat on a wheel and i am chasing this piece of cheese and i am self aware to know that i will never get it the bare fascinated stares gives me motivation to do so. ( Yes ,It is that bad for me ) I think self esteem too plays a large role in this and also the fact that how u were treated ur whole life. Eg i was a chubby kid who was soo friendly quite and i didn't have much opinions so nobody actually gave a fuck about what i want or my ideas or choices were never a necessity to be fulfilled. I didn't get any u know romantic validation either so someone having an interest in me makes me feel so validated.

That’s the title of a book by judge judy

@@teresa4645 wow I didn’t know that!! Thanks! Mom did really love judge Judy so I guess now I know where that came from

@@Justlurkin_lol aww that’s sweet. haha yeah! I have the book! Judge Judy is a good role model for women haha

I’ll always have taken the opposite route “Dumb fades, beauty is forever” especially with having my grandma so closely in my life. She’s incredibly short, chubby, has burn marks all over her skin, and is missing her pinky on her finger. She’ll forever be the face of beauty for me, and shown me just how beautiful it actually is to age.

Well put. And to add to that, we should strive to see the beauty in "not so beautiful" places.

that's so true! the 'big' trends always go from one extreme to the other, all it takes is some time.

👏👏👏

THIS COMMENT, as a reader, one who started at a young age. That is what kick started my beauty sickness. Not tik tok

If you feel weird, vulnerable, or naked without it you probably feel some amount of pressure to perform in that way. I wonder if feeling the need to be different is a root cause or a symptom of our society that tries to make everyone the same

It helps to get rid of the ''naked'' feeling if you alternate between wearing our makeup and not wearing it. I like to wear crazy colours too, but because one time I spent too many days with it, I came one day to work without it and people around me were like ''why are you no wearing it? But are pretty with it'' I rolled my eyes and told them I was just not feeling like wearing it. Now, I like to vary between wearing and not wearing it as a way to show myself I'm doing it for me, and to get them to stop commenting. Keep them on their toes lol.

This is such an important comment. There is so much wrong with the “everyone is beautiful” type of trying to counteract beauty culture. Not only is it completely unsuccessful, because the women who make men’s penises happy are always going to be the ones prioritized in a patriarchy, but it also still perpetuates. This idea that beauty is important for women, which it isn’t, and shouldn’t be. I think the only way we’re ever going to get out of this is if we embrace the fact that we are all ugly sometimes. Literally every single woman on the planet is sometimes fucking hideous and that is OK and it’s a good thing. The most attractive woman in the world has been hideous, and will be hideous at some point. If we can embrace that, and recognize beauty for the literal punishment for women that it is, then maybe we could all let this bs go. I know that as a person who has the desire to be compassionate and logical towards others, I would never base my opinion on somebody else’s worth by how beautiful they are, so why the hell should I ever do that to myself, or allow anyone else to treat me that way? Why should my self-esteem be based on a value system that I literally don’t even have myself nor did I create, but was created for me by men in power, who wanted to make sure that I would remain compliant and submissive? When I started to look at it that way, the whole thing just fell apart at the seams. I do not care if any man ever find me attractive, ever again, and I prefer that they didn’t. I don’t care if my family thinks I’m fat. I care about being treated with respect, and I will continue to demand respect, and I will remain in my value system. That’s consistent with my own priorities and beliefs, and those beliefs don’t include degrading or devaluing those who are less patriarchally conventional-looking. Your sister is right on the money.

Also for the record you are phenomenal, screw the haters!

Did you accepted yourself?

you’re beautiful

hope that helps xx

only three years younger than you, and also don't use TikTok,, I do think it makes people feel way worse

I had to delete Instagram because it so severely impacted my self-esteem. I had never felt so bad about my own face and body, and it seems like tiktok is even worse. These pressures are present everywhere, but they're SO powerful on apps like that.

i deleted my tiktok and instagram about a year ago n it really helped me too

Thank you so much 😭😭❤

@matryoshka my brain decided the words should happen thar way, so can't argue with that

I feel seen. This is me.

Yo you’re 33 though 💀 growing up means growing out of this dumb shit even effecting you dawg. Teenagers don’t know any better yet. I’m 22 and learning it doesn’t matter and that you should be grateful to even have a fully functional body. Don’t expect teenagers to stop acting like teenagers bc you never matured lmao

The earlier one starts to take care of their skin, the better it is likely to be in the future. No age is too early to start.

@@mapofthesoultagme7143 I don't see why yall gaf, let people decide on whether or not they'll take care of themselves

Hey I just want to say congrats on the weight loss. It takes dedicated work to make that happen, but just be careful with the whole working out everyday thing. There is such thing as overtraining. Give yourself 1-2 rest days or active recovery days.

I really appreciate the "people are more occupied with the price of eggs" (paraphrased) . It's rather easy to get stuck in your head about yourself. However I suppose that's also the key. Most people are occupied with themselves.

What? 30 is still young! People in their 20's are still developping in the most part, I'm 28 and still feel like I'm barely out of my teenage years! Some humans can live past their 100's, the average lifespan in my country is around 80. We need to stop considering 30's and 40's as old lol.

Yes, plenty of people who haven’t changed their pronouns or identity Also feel this way. In fact, every single girl and woman that I have ever met feels like she is not doing “beautiful” correctly or well enough. The most seemingly perfect feminine woman you have ever met believes that she is not doing it right and is not doing it good enough. That is the secret underneath all of this bullshit. This is a patriarchal punishment for females designed to make us always feel not good enough, so that we are always focused on the superficial, and never seek a higher standard for how we are valued. It’s a racket designed to make us all feel inferior, so that we remain acting inferior.

Have pretty much the exact same feelings on this, except I have ADHD. Can't be affected by beauty sickness if I already forgor and have moved on to something else

As an autistic woman I’ve also come to realize how not feeling the need to fit in has shaped my identity. I’ve found that I have a stronger sense of self than others because I never defined myself by a trend or how I am perceived.

​@@michaelajames99 right, while my neurodiversity has alienated my in certain situations (I like to express myself boldly with lots of colours which isn't 'trendy' at the moment, but it's my own style and I like it) it has also helped me because I don't feel like having to constantly chase this unattainable, ever-changing standard of beauty. I still feel the immense pressure to 'fit in' and look desirable, but I don't have that internal drive to do it so I don't.

same but I’ve noticed lately that my trauma is filling in those gaps, so to speak. a lifetime of nitpicks from my parents and a lot of media messaging i didn’t know I internalized. i think if I were more ~accomplished~ and financially stable, it wouldn’t be such an issue. I’m turning 30 this year and it’s fucking me up. 30 has been drilled into me as a sort of deadline to get in shape (something abt metabolism, although I have hashimotos, so I guess my age doesn’t rly matter here?). i have BED that got horribly severe during college and i still haven’t been able to lose the weight I had so quickly gained

Hello, fellow aroace! (And maybe autistic, but I have yet to go and get that confirmed) Not having as many mirror neurons as average would explain why I never really understood why people felt the need to follow trends or be the same as everyone. Or imitate anyone. And being aroace deffinitelly takes off a lot of pressure as you explain, as we don't feel the need to ''attract'' a mate.

Wow great words xx❤

There is a subreddit for that as well, Jarvis Johnson made a video about that.

omg me rn!! like not feeling the “correct” weight makes me isolate for weeks long sometimes. “i’ll go to the gym and eat better once it’s warmer outside”

@Trinity M sunscreen is great, but it's this obsessive fear about looking "old" that's concerning. Also this is just an aside but the paler your skin, the more sensitive you are to sun damage - sun spots on pale skin are permanent without laser treatment and obviously there's the whole skin cancer thing. People with albinism are most at risk of course.

@Trinity M but why are we taking the attitude of wrinkles as something you are “stuck” with? This inherently frames getting older as a horrible burden that should be manically hidden as long as possible.

I’ll send a special case just 4 u

Performing beauty as a hobby is not wrong and is probably the best thing for everyone. I think you may need to decide if “better treatment” is worth the magnifying glass beauty will place on you and how that will affect your sense of self and self worth. As long as you feel comfortable with yourself the perception of others doesn’t matter as much.

Fat nb person here. The interrelation between fatphobia, transphobia and pretty privilege is a hell of a place to live. Trying to combine aspects of 'passing' while existing in a world that is already mad at you for just existing is a wild ride.

Train hard, eat hard, laugh hard and sleep hard. The only real key to true enlightenment and peace.

You're not bad for wanting to change your body, it's your flesh temple to craft to house your spirit. And please stay away from fat activist/ haes groups, they hold some very borderline terf views on what people do with their bodies that will make it harder for you as a trans person to do what makes you happy

@@Ebola-Kun I smell the blood of many catapillers upon you. Cope hard.

​@@CS-zb7hx im also nb hi :) I'm not really trying to "pass", I just want to have a beard and a deep voice and wear dresses/skirts and not be constantly misgendered.

I also got ads for razors, hair serums, and plastic surgery in the first 15 minutes of the video…

A thing for me that helped was to stop looking in mirrors quite as much. Or pictures of me. As someone with scoliosi, birth defects and others structural problems may be a pain (literally) but they do make you unique lol

Take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself, and you'll be fine, whatever path you choose. Have a good day (and remember that a stranger on the internet cares and hopes you'll find peace with yourself!) :°)

I’m really sorry that you and so many of us are struggling so much with this. I hope it’s OK if I throw out a couple of things that have really helped me. One of the biggest things that helped me was to keep in my mind, always that beauty is a punishment that patriarchy wants to force on women in order to perpetuate our oppression. What this means is that the concept of beauty is pushed by patriarchy so that women are perpetually feeling like we aren’t good enough, so that we remain stuck in a value system that is designed to always devalue us, and it is compliance to this system, and submission to the value system that patriarchy wants in order to perpetuate our oppression, and make money off of our suffering. It is a racket designed to keep you oppressed and keep you submissive to patriarchy. It has helped me to remember that every time I get shown a video of a new product or somebody comes up with a new insulting term for a normal part of women’s bodies. The second thing I did, that really helps me. The most is to embrace ugliness. What I mean by that is some thing that can just start within your own home. When I go to the mirror or pass a mirror in my house, I make a funny or ugly face of myself. I do this often and embrace the full scope of emotion and weirdness that my body and face can become. Bodies are super weird, and every single person on the planet has moments of grossness and ugliness, because that’s just a part of being human, or being an animal for that matter. So I’ve tried to embrace this by making myself laugh with how crazy or stupid I can look in the mirror, or slapping my tits together to make a stupid sound, or just being really goofy and weird, and getting comfortable with that in the privacy of my own space. Once I accomplish that, I was able to move on to being like that with my romantic partner, and that has been such a joy for both of us. I am very expressive, and I make funny faces and funny voices. Sometimes when I’m telling a story, I’m goofy about my body and make jokes with him about bodies, and we’ve both done stuff like accidentally farted or burped. Getting comfortable with my humanness has really really helped me to let go of this idea that I need to be some kind of pristine doll. It’s not like I’m gonna go make weird faces at random strangers in public, but doing that with people, I’m comfortable with and doing it alone. Has really helped me break out of this idea that I’m supposed to be somehow doll-like and not human-like.

That’s crazy how was that even allowed???

Same

oh wow same, I was literally struggling with thoughts of aging for abt weeks now. I cut off social media as well :)

Same