It sounds to me like "you need to soften" is an incredibly gentle way to say "based on our interaction right now, you come across as someone who doesnt want a husband because they want to find love, but because you want/think you are entitled to a relationship that you dont have to work for in any way" Yes there are a lot of red flags, but the thing that says the most to me is "i dont want a man whos a doormat". Instead of saying something like, "i know i tend to take the lead and make the decisions and i want someone who is comfortable with that and honest with me when they want me to step back" she puts all the blame for the relationship failing straight onto her partner and takes no ownership over her actions 😒 sure what she wants is reasonable, but the attitude she has about relationships tells me nothing is going to last very long until she starts reflecting on herself a little

I fucking love the hair and the Patrick sweater. Love love love.

I had an ex once that used to say to me " I am a very nice guy "! I hate dishonest people and liars " He ended up cheating on me for months and then he broke up with me via text at 6am ( before I go to work ).

The MatchMaker had every right to reject someone they might not have been able to match. Like there's a ton of MatchMakers out there. This whole fight is stupid tbh.

I have a feeling the matchmaker said that the TYPE of man she wanted prefers women who are a certain way. You have to consider and wonder if you are the type of person that will be a match to what you want. If you aren’t, you either have to change what you want or you have to change a part of yourself that is holding you back from getting what you want. Life is about growing and changing based on feedback and consequences. If you try to change something and you can’t, that’s because it’s part of who are. But if you are able to successfully change something about yourself, it was never who you are if you can be yourself without it. If you love yourself and want yourself to succeed you will be willing to let go of negative aspects of yourself which are preventing you from reaching your goals instead of placing your identity in them and refusing to change them to your own detriment. They are not who you are if you can let them go. It’s hard to change yourself and maybe this is truly who she is and she should find someone who is a match to her. I don’t understand what is so wrong with “betas”

as a late 30s woman who is financially successful and career successful who has divorced a man in the past for wanting to take a back seat while i do all that.. i think she is completely justified in asking for what shes asking for. the terms she uses are odd, but i completely get what she wants. why is it always the woman asked to compromise? its never 'lets find a man on your level' and always 'well you need to accept lesser'. hard no.

The matchmaker never said “she is unworthy of love” she just couldn’t work with her. She exaggerated & she seems like a difficult person. I wouldn’t want to work with her either.

10 years of therapy 😅 therapy is great but… generally you go to therapy to learn coping skills and “graduate” Unfortunately most men who are really rich and driven - they’re looking for young and ready to be wives and moms usually - I don’t feel like she said she didn’t deserve love but that she couldn’t help her. Which is fair. Would you want a matchmaker picking men for you that doesn’t get along with you?

My theory is the matchmaker prefers to work with more placid people who would be easier to match. Someone like the tiktoker would be very critical and she sounds like a perfectionist. Plus looking specifically for "woo" people, sounds like the matchmaker wants people who believe in the "magic" of her process enough to convince themselves its a good match. Smells like a scam tbh

She strikes me as the kind of person that is completely unwavering and uncompromising. She wants all the reward without putting in any of the time and effort in order to get it. There's nothing wrong with wanting what you want and having standards, but you have to also be realistic in that if you are going to be so uncompromising that you're going to have a hard time finding what you want. To be honest, I really don't care. She has no impact on my life whatsoever but I agree that I wouldn't get along with her at all.

My thing about this is....people lie on the internet all the time lmao. I also wonder if this is a personal misinterpretation of what the matchmaker was asking for. IMO the things she listed aren't indicators/guarantees of "softness" as much as "have you taken time to reflect on yourself as a person and do you have a clear understanding of who you actually are, not who you want to be." Journaling and meditation aren't for "soft people," and doing them rarely indicates that you're out here to become a tradwife? What a wild assumption/leap to make lmao. It does, however, usually indicate someone who takes the time to be clear about who they are, what they want and who are OPEN to self-reflection in a way that "omg im soooooo type A and career driven, I NEED a partner with xyz qualities that are equally superficial to the qualities I've stated about myself" doesn't really bring to the table. What I heard from what this woman wants is nothing to do with how a man will treat his partner or what she wants her partnership to look and feel like. Suggesting you start journaling or engage in introspetive practices -- IN ORDER TO HELP YOU CLARIFY YOUR DESIRES AND NEEDS WHEN CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER -- is absolutely different than saying "change yourself." Journaling isn't done to "change you," its done so that you have a clearer understanding of yourself. I think this girl heard what she wanted to hear and wants something to be mad about, tbh....

Your hair looks so good with your whole vibe and your face shape

It just sounded like that matchmaker wasnt right for her and she took a lot of it personally. Hence the "woo" comment. If I've got a matchmaker asking about woo stuff, so I'm thinking astrology I'm going to stop her right there and say we aren't a good match. Though a $350 fine just to get this feedback is steep. There should probably be some about page saying what she believes as a matchmaker and what types of people she caters to. Also, absolutely wouldn't get along with her. A lot of times people use identifiers to excuse bad behavior. Type A can mean they come off as hard or the example you mentioned "honest" just gives them an excuse to be a complete dick and shrug their shoulders and just say theyre being honest.

Highly successful driven people go for soft, homely loving significant other to give balance and meaning to their lives. Describing them as "door mat" rubs me the wrong way.

She seems like a driven, motivated woman who knows what she wants and is trying to get it. Good on her. I hope she finds what she wants. Everyone deserves to find love. Imagine the power couple of 2 individuals like this.

it seems to me like the matchmaker was honest that she cant provide the service she wants bc she doesnt match her clientele. she comes across as condescending and patronizing, which I'm sure the matchmaker saw and decided wasn't worth her time due to the mental load that would put on her.

Very respectfully: I think the matchmaker has the wisdom and experience to know what works and what doesn't. The language the matchmaker used could have been softer/kinder, but I think there's something to be said for a "Type A" person needing to work on compassion/empathy towards a spouse. There needs to be compromise, there needs to be a middle. As a 'Type A' person that found their spouse later in life, SO many expectations need to be leveled to find happiness. Most importantly, reframe what you're doing: **it's not what you're losing, it's what you're gaining.** My husband is amazing and I cannot imagine my life without him. Had I stuck to my hard and fast rules instead of being open and ready to receive something different than I anticipated, I wouldn't have him today. TLDR: even though what the matchmaker said was harsh, I hope this person reflects on opening up and compassion to find love, because she's right, she deserves it!

Personally I don't think there was really anything wrong with what she said. Using the term beta is weird but I think she's valid for wanting the things she wants.

So happy u still upload after so many years ❤ love u and ur authenticity

Matchmaking seems sketchy in general to me, I definitely feel like that's a lot of money to be told that you are not applicable though. I'd be frustrated and take it personally too probably at that point. As far as her body goes, I think that's her business and I respect that she's so open about it because I a lot of people do keep that type of thing secret and set unrealistic standards and I wouldn't have known about the potential scarring at all if she hadn't discussed it. Overall I think she might not be perfect but she's very human and it's just not that important to me to feel like I need to say much on it aside from people should leave her alone.

I think it's natural to grow more self aware and assured as to what you demand from life and a partnership as you get older. I don't think it's a bad thing at all. I was widowed almost 5 years ago at 36, and as much as I loved my husband, my approach to future relationships will be completely different. Some of that is the independence I've aquired raising our son alone, and I just can't give that up. In fact, I would need a man who's incredibly independent too. I haven't even attempted to dive back into the dating pool, honestly! My sister in law has tried to set me up with 2 different guys who live out of state but... I'm just not feeling it yet. I'm sure I'll get there eventually - I guess. Sorry for babbling! I'll shut up now 😊

That sweater is the coolest thing I've seen all year. I need that in my life!

she is clearly very insecure with all of the cosmetic surgery she is getting done. the matchmaker is right, she is not ready and needs to work on herself mentally. just because you have a therapist doesnt mean the therapy is actually helpful, there are unfortunately "yes men" therapists.

For me, I think the matchmaker just got defensive that this client didn't want the kind of 'doormat/softer' man that the matchmaker herself married. Being the 'Type A' married to a much more relaxed 'Waymond' type, I can't imagine wanting to be with someone very much like me. For me. But I can understand someone driven and ambitious expecting a partner who can keep up with her and perhaps she was just being a bit heavy handed trying to ward off the hobosexuals and the leech boys.

I have a friend who is a Jewish Matchmaker in Brooklyn. She told me that constructive criticism is common for both men and women. The idea is that it's not that you're not "worthy of love", but that you may not have the needed tools to be in a monogamous, lifelong relationship that will succeed. If she were polyamorous, not looking for a life-long partner, or was looking for something else, she would need/not need a different set of tools as there are different benefits and challenges to those relationships. As she is looking for a long term monogamous relationship with a man, there may be tools she need to work on a foundation to a relationship that she doesn't already have. "Worthiness" has nothing to do with it. If this woman didn't need to work on herself at all and already had all the answers, she would have achieved her goal. As it stands, constructive criticism isn't a personal attack on her, but rather giving her an idea of what she needs to have success with the goal she has in mind. Never compromise your values, morals, and self respect, but if you want long term monogamy, being flexible on appearance, income, and status is probably a good idea if you want something more substantive. From what it sounds like, the matchmaker telling her that the men she has want a "softer" woman may have been a polite euphemism for: "my clients find you abrasive; take it down a notch".

def wouldn't get along with her but I'll totally a supporter of people doing the body mods they want!

I think this lady's problem is she can't stop the plastic surgery. I almost fainted when she said she was just now turning 38. Wow. I have 5 years on her and this woman could just about pass as my mom.

I love your hair it looks so nice on you 😍💖

0:14 I’m loving the tattooed Patrick Star sweatshirt!!

I doubt the matchmaker told her that she was unworthy of love. She probably told her that she needs to meet the men halfway and work on some parts of herself if she wants the type of men she desires. It's not a surprising concept even if it does feel like it goes against our idea of "Be Yourself." We still have to work on our personal issues, and try to be appealing enough to attract a partner and we have no problem expecting others to do it for us. Relationships are about compromise.

Her bar is actually really low honestly for what the standards SHOULD be

Ty for always looking so STYLED AND SO DOPE!! Love you and love the videos 🙏❤️

The whole "you're asking for too much" type of mentality always bothered me Sure some people out there have ridiculous demands but hers aren't particularly outrageous and so to me this sounds like they're saying "being in a relationship asap should be more important to you that you being fulfilled in that relationship" Also if you feel like you lowered your standards/settled for someone then to me that sounds like you don't respect your partner and so you shouldn't be in that relationship in any case Granted what we seek is not always what we should look for but clearly this is not the point those kind of comment are trying to make

Honestly the matchmaker was out of pocket *and* unprofessional for telling her to change herself instead of conveying that majority of her clientele on the opposite side would not, indeed, match with her personality type, which is completely valid because certain businesses and services cater to specific people, but if that was the issue, the matchmaker did a terrible job of communicating it, and we can't really blame this woman for the way she reacted, especially after she had already paid for the "consultation" fee just to find out the matchmaker wanted to shove her into a mold she didn't fit in nor asked for. Her standards weren't anything crazy or out of the ordinary either, if a man had said he's looking for that in a woman I KNOW no one would have a problem with it, but as always, women are held at a higher standard and bashed for expressing their completely reasonable wants 🤷🏻‍♀️

Quick, somebody send this woman a link to the 'married at first sight' application! 😂 That's obviously what she's looking for...

Firstly, I don’t think she wants kids & is very career driven. You don’t put in all that work to make you feel comfortable with your body to then have it wrecked by pregnancy - my sister is STILL suffering debilitating post-birth complications despite having a perfectly normal pregnancy. Secondly, I didn’t find anything wrong with what she said as it comes off as she wants someone with similar goals & attitude. My wife & I are very alike in our marriage - and have rarely had any conflict whatsoever, certainly to the point where it’s become a deal breaker between us. We both were open with our wants, hard “no’s”, and our pasts from early on. Ex: Neither of us wanted kids in any capacity & have refused to even sign legal godparent type contracts for family. We don’t hate kids, but would not be good parents due to health & financial reasons. Also to expand on your comment, Opposites have never been attractive to me & we are both alike personality wise. The matchmaker probably didn’t mesh well with her, nor do I think this woman was wanting a marriage, partner, etc immediately - just someone she could see that path with. I don’t know who this TikTok person is, but she seems very straightforward & knows what she wants in life - so good for her!

A broken record here but YOUR HAIR is so cute!! 😍

I would never go to a match maker because she couldn’t help me either 😂 Also if she told me to find a man or woman I need to be soft I’d be up and outta there wtf 😂

your looks have been great, but today's seems so effortlessly iconic. Cheers and rock on.

I think she exaggerated what the matchmaker really said to her. I would love to hear the matchmakers side.

The reason people say to lower your standards or work on yourself, is to open up that dating pool a little. And people do change through time. Sometimes being around a person, can change you positively and make you find out even more about yourself. It's good to have standards. But also good to take a chance sometimes.

The match maker was trying to say I cant match you right now because no one is looking for someone like you. If she is perfect and worthy and doesnt need to change why is she single at 38?

SWEATER GET WHERE DID YOU THAT I NEED FUGLY THING 😱 *AHEM* … sorry about that. What I meant to say is: pardon me, would you be so kind as to direct me to the store or website where you bought that phenomenal article of intentionally hideous winter wear? I feel an overwhelming desire to add it to my wardrobe.

I appreciate your perspective RTG. Well said. Have a good weekend.

omg your hair is so cute

I understand the sentiment about her personality and how she comes off, but I think from a more objective standpoint the matchmaker was definitely out of line and unprofessional in her approach. She made it sound like this woman had to change her personality in order to fit her possible matches, rather than the matchmaker doing her job to find the best suitor FOR HER. I really don’t think her standards are that high either - whether they’ll all be met immediately is another matter - but she didn’t get so specific that I think it would remove a lot of possible matches. (I agree that what she is searching for may not be the actual perfect fit though, since balance is important in a relationship, but she’s also grown enough to probably know best what she is searching for.) I also think the surgery bashing is completely uncalled for, especially since she didn’t even mention any expectations or desires for what she wants a partner to look like. So for people to tell her she isn’t good enough or that the fact that she had a lot of surgery should somehow disqualify her from finding a good partner or something?? It’s ridiculous, not to mention incredibly rude. She was just sharing info about her experience. I know people will say if you post it, people are allowed to comment, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy (or warranted) to hear a bunch of strangers tell you you’re a bad person or something because you got elective surgery.

I’ve always wondered why James Charles doesn’t use one of those rich people match makers instead of literally using his “for you” page as a dating app. I’ve said this for years now. There are match makers who have great success doing that, I’m sure one could find someone for him to date, he could have them sign NDAs if that’s what he feels like he needs to do, and for God’s sake they would at least be of age!

10:10 wait wait wait.... You need a license to "practice" match making?!?! 😅🤨

Gasp!! Feels like an honor to see your natural hair! It’s beautiful !!!

Matchmakers from what I know basically owe you nothing. Your paying to meet with them it's in the fine print. Most of them not all can be very old-school thinking. This woman wasted her money and she's upset. I don't even think a official license is a thing for them they just take a online course and get a print out.

I love your shirt!! Im inspired to make my own tattooed Patrick shirt now

And where exactly is the “asking too much” part? Smh

Love your hair!!!

As an old women my heart goes out to her💔

Your hair is so pretty you’ve inspired me to ask my hairstylist for the same 🥺💕

Why is your sweater so mesmerizing

Maybe she mad she spent $300+ for nothing 😬😬😬

well this is gonna be a good watch

You make me laugh so much all the time with these videos. Thank you for the content

Imo it’s harder for two type As to blend vs A/B bc As will more likely want things their way rather than being the person needing to constantly accommodate - which type Bs do naturally. Just my little armchair therapist theory. I think the matchmaker sorta has a point tho. It’s one thing to know what you want, but what do the men you’re going for want? If she wants an “alpha” man, do those kind of men like a self-described difficult woman? Or a woman who’s type B a chills him out?

just imagine if she got mad the matchmaker couldn't find her someone.... because she spent so much money on her..... I think the matchmaker was trying to protect herself

That is the most fantastic sweater i have ever seen

Every person who told me they never lie have been the biggest liars. Seriously, look out for these people.

That is a fantastic jumper I absolutely love it

Not everyone is suited to being in a relationship. If you've reached a certain point in your life where you don't really need anyone but kind of want them, then find ways to be social other than just dating.

I love your hair cut! ❤

Off topic. Just want to compliment your new hairstyle. You look great! 🎉

The fact that there even is a license to match make is ridiculous

I can’t help but think, while she’s explaining why it’s more cost-effective to get her surgery done in Philadelphia then to go back to the Dominican Republic, is it really just the cost-effectiveness? Do you not want to go back there because they clearly botched part of your surgery? To each their own and all that, but you will not see me going under the knife, voluntarily, in a foreign country. The logistics of what you would need to do to get back home if something went terribly wrong is just too upsetting and anxiety inducing for me. Aside from the fact that how do you hold them accountable once you’re back home if something went wrong?

I actually need to know where you got that jumper is from!! I'm in love, and I kinda need it asap!! 🖤

oof im in the service industry and i would turn her away too. like im getting so much red flags from her

She should really be taken her matchmaking license away!!

Thousands of dollars for a matchmaker dating apps are free and even the ones that charge are not that expensive 😂 and you won’t have someone judging you for what you like or tell you to change yourself

woman is weird, matchmaker is weird- what a time to be alive :D

Love ur sweater ❤

I think the matchmaker was 100% in the wrong. I understand what the woman said when she made the "not worthy of love comment" because in a way that's what the matchmaker was saying. If she doesn't change her personality, her standards and her outlook on relationships shes not going to find a man because men like "soft women". Also the woman doesn't even really have an attitude, she just has a very overbearing preppy personality, which some people like. I think the matchmaker was wrong and the woman did nothing bad in my opinion.

I think that the monetary aspects of that TikTok personally rubbed me the wrong way. I never knew that there were in person matchmakers that you pay for, so her saying that she spent thousands of dollars on something I never heard of was jarring. I guess it just makes it harder to empathize her when there’s nothing to relate to. I don’t think she deserved any hate for that though, she’s probably just out if touch with the general population. Also the comment about betas didn’t do her any favors, since the only people who I’ve heard genuinely use those terms are all bigoted freaks. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt on that one though

Massive core elements of who I am ; would make me, “soft”

I don't think the "softer" comment is ok at all, but otherwise, I think she is taking this extremely personally. I would bet she's very insecure about this issue and projecting it onto the matchmaker, likely spurred on by the "softer" comment.

Glare, you’re perfect! Don’t get plastic surgery 😊😊😊😊😊😊😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮

I love your short hair girlie. It looks super cute!

I think the biggest issue is telling women they need to be 'soft, feminine and submissive' in order to date men. It is unhealthy and rooted in patriarchy, not every man is intimidated by a dominant women and not every women is submissive, quiet and does what she's told. That is my issue with this because if you read the comments it is a lot of men saying dominant women are unattractive and that they only find submissive, slave types attractive which is saying a lot about the way men still view themselves as 'above' women.

She's fine asking for what she wants. She has put in the effort for that with her career, physical presentation, mental health, and interviewing matchmakers. She shows her soft side when she's talking about going out to have fun, a lovely demeanor shift imo. She also has a right to her feelings and experience. My question is, do people want to be judged as much as they judged her? From one video, or even two? That's shallow, superficial, unattainable, and literally makes her more authentic than her detractors.

Girl that sweater is high rizz fashion 👌👌

Omg that tummy tuck scar was f**ked!!!! That poor woman! Remind me not to go there for PS!

Aren’t matchmakers supposed to be very detail oriented about their clients matches? They should ask these questions already!!

I think theres somebody for everybody 🤷‍♀️

I love your videos keep up the good work

Ok I can tell you now she won't work well with a partner who "isn't a doormat". I get the feeling she wants one but one who can make decisions. The matchmaker rejects her as a client and tells her like it is. She doesn't like it and goes to tiktok to tell the world the matchmaker is in the wrong. The matchmaker didn't say and do as she wanted so the problem is in her this no need to self reflect on her standards.

She seems like a lot , like she would argue with you if you pushed and take advantage if you didn’t , It makes sense why she needs a match maker

idk I think we're forgetting that if she doesn't like woo, she is not going to be okay with ANYONE that woman meets, that's part of the issue. It's not that she can't love it's that she's not ready for that kind of man

I agree, it's too easy to tear people down online over one criticism. How about we practice taking people for who they are with discernment and reflection, including who we are and what we want. RTG does this well. I've been the flipside of this woman, and it didn't get me a man I'd marry. If people are rejecting others based on the use of words like beta, I'm already out of that game. Better to encourage people that they are lovable regardless of stereotypes. Again, well said by RTG.

This is an attractive woman that is in her late 30s and has enough trouble with relationships that she needed a matchmaker. It almost seems like she expected her to make the perfect husband just suddenly appear. I don't know. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone that's not a doormat, but I cannot imagine someone not a doormat staying in the same room with her for more than 5 minutes. She also describes what she wants in the same way I did as a teenager. It is not only surface level, but vague, and the "no doormats" was something I said as an excuse to push away anyone I was unsure about to compensate for my insecurities. I did this because I thought I was to difficult to be loved or to love someone less difficult. Maybe that's not what's going on here, but I think that the fact that at her stage of life she sounds like I did as a teenager concerning, especially the vagueness. Like what about romantic gestures or how you like to spend your time? What about sexuality? What about beliefs? Do you want kids? How many? When? Is it okay if he has kids already? These things are important to compatibility. That being said, $350 is a lot to pay to get no results, and I don't think I would like this matchmaker, either.

It’s a Doily

"i dont meditate or journal or any "woo" " Journaling and meditating is "woo?" Wtf? I think the matchmaker was questioning whether she was mindful or self reflective?? Of course she didn't pick that up! I do actually wonder how insane of a meltdown she might have if her status symbols disappeared overnight through some tragedy or another. I think the matchmaker was trying to see if she had any moments of self reflection outside of focusing on the next goal of the rat race / consumer culture. With some deep introspection I was able to see that what i deeply, truly want is more easily fulfilled than when I was looking outwards all the time. Like, what is satisfaction? Building forever? To Giulia's point about opposites attracting, there are many high power go getters that want a contast in the home relationship. Its similar to how people make fun of soft guys, whereas she is a hard gal. For example, a guy can be as soft as he wants, and that is A-OK, but he is not entitled to a soft girl when he is out here living his best soft life. It's just so often that opposites attract. Similarly, a body builder women isnt entitled to a body builder man who may be into soft girls. If a very wealthy go-getter guy was complaining about not finding a woman of his wealth and initiative (because he doesnt always want to be the one in charge) he might also be asked if he does introspective exercises. There are definitely women who take charge, but they might not be of the same income bracket. They might be able to bond on deep values though, with some introspection. Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk, and I continue. This tiktok individual is unhinged IMO, and needs a reality check. Of course she feels she got ripped off. She is too hard (as in dense and stubborn) with huge walls up to the general ways of the world. She didnt get any value from the consultation because she didn't listen to the feedback she was given, instead twisting the meaning and using that perverted misconstruction as fuel to claim this matchmaker's career should be destroyed. Oh heck no. If the gender roles were reversed, we would have a chaotic, poor softboi trying to get a matchmaker fired because the matchmaker told him, "hey, other chaotic, soft, poor woman typically want a man who is a little bit harder and more disciplined, and maybe you should try to lean into that a little if you want more success. I really don't know what to tell you." That's not controversial. It's telling someone why not even a matchmaker is down to take more of their money. Gender is performative, and we can lean into to that stuff, especially if we are desperate and not even a matchmaker feels right taking any more of our money. Her rage reminds me of soft guys raised on "there are no differences betwen men and women at all" going through the stages of grief, realizing that the women they are into might be attracted to a hint of classic masculinity. This lady wants to get the matchmaker's career dumped because the matchmaker acknowledged some hard generalizations? This lady is in denial that she has been paying for 10 years of a yes-ma'am therapist that's 'just' been telling her what she wants to hear. Not all therapy is made equal; thats what I tell people. I think some Navajo elder was recently in a video where he talk's about the dangers of "pretty lies." I get the feeling this lady has been living in a golden prison of "pretty lies." "What's in the dark, must, come to the light, right?"--C.J. Walz(?), Golden Legacy

Random question 😂😂 where did you get your shirt

omg your hair cut is so cute ps DELETE TICKTOK

😂 matchmaking license... Sure WTFN😆

I think she seeks instant fixes for everything. Sometimes you have to "do the work", in every aspect of life...

Men have broken up with me because I didn't make enough money. Love that they self sorted themselves out of my personal life. But a woman asking for an equal man is too much or somehow wrong? Nope. S