Note - idk if I miscommunicated or a few misunderstood. Mentioning the cold sore and explaining isn’t the issue, that’s fair and responsible. That being said, I don’t think mentioning it multiple times is necessary. The real point though is if you like someone and the connection is there, a cold sore likely wouldn’t stand in the way of the relationship.

As someone who deals with a lot of self destructive behaviors, sis has a lot of work to do on her self. She’s her own worst enemy.

"It's so unfair he is unforgiving of one flaw" ..... meanwhile she just told us she couldn't forgive the last guy not messaging repeatedly when she was the one who didn't respond.

i feel like these guys dodged a bullet.

Trying to date as an autistic person is hard enough, people like this woman take it to a whole new level

I almost felt bad for this woman before with the matchmaker situation, but it’s pretty clear her behavior is a pattern. 😅

“You missed out” No no, I don’t think he did actually 😂

Wow, I can't believe she has a hard time finding partners, she seems so low-maintenance. /s Edit: OH that cold-sore thing definitely sounds like self-sabotage. The fact that she mentioned it a bunch of times and then made sure to tell him it's herpes sounds like she was hoping it would scare him off. She's the one who made it weird.

That woman sounds SO exhausting to me honestly

That girl sounds insufferable, honestly. She’s looking for issues that don’t exist. Thank god I’m out of the dating game. Never followed any rules and found the love of my life

I'm not really in tune with women her type. I mean more power to her but her type is very much the plastics, the six chicks, pretty much the "queen bee" of every highschool bully that hasn't changed, just got older.

I don't think this new generation of extreme standards is even about having standards. It's a thinly veiled reject them before they can reject me. A way to feel in control. True intimacy requires a level of vulnerability, so they are sadly missing on a real connection, while hiding behind ridiculous standards, that are just rebranded insecurity.

I dont understand why communication is so fucking hard so many people. They just expect people to read their minds

She's simply not doing herself any favors lol like clearly she has a lot of work to do with herself if she's setting these sky scraper high standards for her partners

not dating right now feels like being far enough away from a truly fucked trench war that the shells can't hit you but you're still close enough to occasionally see people come back from the front, shocked and broken...

How rich of her to say it's a red flag if someone can't look past one flaw when she thinks everything about that first guy was so unacceptable, and the things he didn't weren't even flaws, just things that could be easily communicated about like Guilia said

OK.. all of her expectations are totally reasonable IF SHE COMMUNICATES THEM. They're specific, and we men don't necessarily mind an opinionated girl. I myself like it actually, it saves a lot of time and strengthens the friendship (which is underrated and so important in an SO). However, this technique of actually expecting mind-reading and being mad or judgemental about the result is top three red flags. I was thinking it before you interjected the first time, Giulia. Even the initial communication was unnecessarily oblique.

Hey, person with Herpes here🙋‍♀️There's a huge stigma behind it and it is a STD so you have to disclose it to whoever you're dating begorw anything physical happens So it actually would'nt suprise me if he didn't want to continue dating as soon as she mentioned the word Herpes. But yes honestly she seems like a annoying human when it comes to dating so he may have just not seen her as worth it lol.

The OK cool response, the way I interpreted, is, he's thinking "yikes, she drama. Byeee!"

At least she puts out the red flags on her TikTok. Glad those guys got out of there before it got too serious.

Don't expect the person you're dating to be a magical mind reader or cosmically in sync with your needs, life ain't a romcom movie.

This is bonkers. "The Dutch aye" "Sure, shall I book it? What time suits?" 🤷🏻‍♀️ I do think being rejected for a cold sore is bizarre but I suspect he just sussed out she's hard fucking work and dipped.

I wonder if it's from a controlling aspect. Like her waiting for you to mess up so she can shove it in your face and have you apologize. Feels narcissistic lol

I agree that this person seems to get in her way in dating. But i don't agree that her mentioning her cold sore a few times was self sabotage. I get cold sores semi regularly, and it can be embarrassing. Especially because it's super contagious and gross looking. If i had a date where the guy was trying to kiss me or be up in my face a lot, i would probably mention the cold sore a few times as well. There are some people that don't understand what cold sores are, and when they hear its a herpes virus, they immediately have a bad view of you. I've experienced this a few times.

They dodged a bullet

Nah, i am convinced it was about the cold sore. It seems he may have health anxiety and fears getting the oral herpes from her. Straight up. Ive been rejected for mine, because yes, it is stigmatized. But i respect a person's right to reject me for any reason. If it aint right, it aint right.

She’s being extremely dense. Girl just say you don’t know a place and let him pick then or TELL him he should pick it if that’s what you’d like. Tf

I used to want every date planned to a T a week before, exact times, everything planned out. But then I met my partner five years ago who had great communication but was very “we’ll see on the day” kinda person. At first I was like I dunno if I can do this…. But I’m so damn glad I gave them a go because 5 years later we’re still together, incredibly happy and everyone says how good we are together! I’ve learnt to loosen up a bit too 😂

Most people who get cold sores get their initial infection as toddlers - when we put everything in our mouths, especially if we are in childcare with a bunch of other germy kids.

Yeah, I feel you. I've been in the same relationship since 2008 and I can't fathom trying to date in 2024. I'd basically become a monk if our relationship ended for any reason.

I took a lot of initiative in the relationship with my husband, and it didn't turn him away! He matched my initiation as well, we both equally invested in each other from the start. I agree with you that the self imposed dating "rules" people put on themselves are completely unnecessary! Especially stuff like "don't text too often" "don't text first" "don't show too much interest" etc etc. :P With the right person, none of those are going to matter.

Doctor chiming in here: I think it's pretty likely that she explained what a cold sore was poorly (though I definitely think that he found other red flags with her and was just giving a simple explanation). Cold sores are pretty common, and in some populations being infected by HSV1 or HSV2 has a prevalence of 75+% (I have seen some studies say 90%), but that's just viral infection, not developing cold sores, since not everyone infected with HSV1 or HSV2 gets episodic outbreaks rather oral or genital. Cold sores can transmit herpes to the genitals via oral sex causing genital herpes, including when they're developing ... so yes, a guy not being keen on continuing a date where sexual activity was a possibility (because I kinda think on the 15 hour dates, they were probably having sex and sleeping over). A cold sore can lead to genital herpes, and genital herpes can cause cold sores (and other sores like in the throat and even in the esophagus, though that's usually in immunocompromised individuals). Herpes infection is common, yes, and it should be less stigmatized , but it can cause health problems, discomfort, and in the case of someone who wants to get pregnant or get someone pregnant neonatal herpes is serious. A person who doesn't want to risk that should not be shamed like she is doing here. It's not just one flaw... it's a virus that can cause a lot of harm in certain populations, so choosing to not date someone who has it is valid. Odds are, the guy has been infected with at least one strain of herpes, but since it's rarely tested for (doctors are discouraged to test for it for a lot of reasons) as far as he knows, he doesn't have it, and protecting himself, his future partners, and future children is something that is a fair decision.

“I’m just a person with a brain”😂😂😂😂😂❤ love your phone bangle & hoodie.

I personally appreciate someone checking in with me to ask if I'm still up for an event/plan. I am someone whose energy levels, mood, and motivation fluctuate DRASTICALLY from day to day. It used to be worse as a teen, but I often will make plans for the future...then end up feeling so depressed the day of the event that I have to flake. Or my anxiety is too high. Or I just thought I would eventually get myself excited for the thing and that just never happened.

She’s single because….

I hate anytime we say “you don’t need to abide by these communication rules” like not texting within 2 days forst or whatever, we also have to say “don’t send them a novel or 5 back to back messages with no response to any” as a qualifier. Like saying one thing doesn’t mean you’re saying the polar opposite, ppl need to just listen to what’s being said and not think it implies the exact opposite. Not everything is minuscule or grandiose, most things that make sense tend to be a good measure of in the middle or you know, moderate.

"Unforgiving of one flaw?" They are transmittable, and I hear they are also painful. I wouldn't wanna put that on anyone if I had that issue. Secondly, she's doing it as a litmus test so she's just being insufferable almost as if she's expecting the rejection and is making it easier for him. I know that kind of thinking. I recognize low self-esteem at five paces. Especially in the mirror.

Her whole thing sounds like a very in-depth character bit.

I hate how, from personal experience, anything on the lip/around the lip is labeled as a cold sore. Was told multiple times growing up that I had cold sores, found out later in life that, no, I didn't have cold sores, people just assumed my pimples around my mouth were cold sores Also, her number of people with cold sores is vastly over estimating. Fifty-Eighty percent, not Ninety percent. And I feel like she didn't explain to the guy that it's a different type of herpes, or how most people get that type in the first place.

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

I’m about to be 30 and single. Dating has drastically changed since I was 19. I had the same mind frame where I thought I could check on someone after a date and made sure they got home, or not think so much into men’s responses. An now unfortunately I kinda get where the lady is coming from only because talking to men on these apps is genuinely exhausting and so when they’re showing my interpretation or boredom I tend to get defensive like her. So to some degree I get where this lady is coming from. A key word is some. lol because even I’m hearing her and I’m like eek. An I am being that millennial, but technology has really warped the dating world in such a negative way it made me delete all the apps and just enjoy being single due to the mass of people looking for entertainment and not a partner. But it seems like technology has us so hyper protective of ourselves at times to the point where we aren’t seeing how that has become negative to us in the long run. So dating apps is twice the anxiety for all genders, however we’re still human and deserve to give others the same grace we get. So I hope she learns that humans tend to human and eases her anxiety more.

As a germaphobe about contagious skin issues and being someone who has (luckily) never had a cold sore (that I know of), yes, cold sores would be a deal-breaker for me. Those are permanent once transmitted, and I would greatly appreciate it if someone brought it up to me from the start. The way people like her and so many other people I know that have cold sores are so nonchalant about it like its just a zit or non-viral blemish irritates the hell outta me. Sure, its not as bad as an STD, but do i wanna catch it just because 90% of the rest of the world has it? Hell to the fuck no. I myself am a MRSA carrier and have frequent staph/boil flare-ups. Almost everyone has/carries staph, but I'd still warn them about it from day 1 out of courtesy. I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird like that.

My autistic ass could NEVER! This kind of shit is the stuff that scares me off from dating.

The funny thing is that she thinks she’s the real deal 😂😂😂

I literally have a cold sore right now. If you don't touch it, beat case scenario, you have this one or a few oozing bubbles on your lip that won't cover with makeup for a week. I completely understand why people are "weird" about it. Especially when you've just met or don't know how you can avoid contracting them. Sounds like she was hurt and just wants to make him the bad guy to feel better.

These guys have definitely dodged a bullet. 😜

Theres a lot of herpes misinformation in this comment section.

4:53 IIRC she said in her tiktok that originallly blew up about her matchmaking she said she wanted an A-type personality who took charge and whatnot. But she has to say that to the guy on the date that she needs someone to take charge and plan the dates during a certain period of time etc

I had a friend like this. So passive aggressive. Some people are just so completely entitled and need to feel the drama everywhere they go. I don’t have time for that. No one does.

Cold sores aren’t genetic afaik but are very commonly passed from parent to child, for example if a parent kisses their child when they have a cold sore, shares chapstick, eats from the same spoon/fork/plate or drinks from the same cup/straw. I know many people with cold sores but thankfully I do not have them 🎉

I don’t know, call me shallow, but learning someone has an STD would be enough for me to call something off, even one as manageable and reasonably benign as herpes. I’ve made it to 40 with a clean bill of sexual health, and I can’t see jeopardizing that for someone I’m just getting to know, especially since it can be spread by kissing. But whether that was the reason or the excuse, dude dodged a bullet. I can’t imagine dating someone who is keeping a running tally of all the reasons to not be with me.

I...kind of get where she's coming from with the brunch thing. At least, initially. I think the person who suggests the date should have the plan pretty fully formed, so you can present something concrete and ask "hey do you wanna do [specific thing] or would [something closer] work better for you?" And then the other person could say whatever. BUT at the same time, as you said: communication. Lmao! It's insane how these grown ass people won't just... Say what they want. Like. "Hey it was your idea! You suggest the places :p" or whatever People are exhausting I'm gonna live in the woods or a swamp by myself and be Shrek or something lmao

like 90% of adults have some strain of "herpies" its not as bad as other strains. Some might be a carrier without presenting symptoms. Weird asf to mention it on a date like 50 times tho.

I dont kiss my husband when i have a cold sore. It really isnt that big of a deal imo, but i will not try to give my husband a disease that my parents gave me

Im too early, these comments are fucking wild

When they say "have standards", this is not what they meant 😅

Her behavior is immature. It doesn't surprise me why she's single still.

I once had a FIRST DATE with someone that told me that her "cuchi" stinks and started explaining it is not because she has a yeast infection or STD. That was ruled out by a Dr. It was because of the Ph and some liners. All of this in the first date, immediately when we got to the restaurant to order some food. As you can guess, i never called her back.

Tbh I kinda see her point in the brunch situation. There are many men who just wanna cruise by doing the bare minimum. Why does it need to be told for you to plan a brunch? Also, if the man is bad at planning HE could have been upfront about it too. Honestly it's an ESH situation there. They both could have done better.

I live in Los Angeles. I’ve dated several girls in Orange County. As the man, I always make sure I drive to them. It’s about 45 to 60 miles away depending where in Orange County. I usually ask the girl where she wants to eat, because it’s literally another county away from me and I have no idea what’s around there. She lives there, I am 45 to 60 miles away.if this girl has an issue with having to pick out a place that she likes, I don’t see that as heavy lifting, I see that as either being considerate, or in my case, me having absolutely zero idea what’s around you and you have every idea of what’s around you.

I feel like these are the type of people that are perpetually single or in horrible social media driven relationships (post after post of smiles, yet sit at home arguing). The people that have long lasting relationships and are happy don’t act like this.

I’m over here wondering when brunch became 12 or 1 o’clock. Hun, that’s lunch.

Aww, this is one of those "why are you the villain in your own story?" situations.

Some people are out here playing mind games, expecting someone else to read their mind, and still think they’re going to find their soulmate. 😂

The only thing this guy did wrong is to suggest 2pm as a time for brunch. What is brunch? It's Breakfast-Lunch. When does Brunch occur? Between breakfast time and lunch time. 2pm is late lunch bordering on afternoon tea. Even she's saying 12-1 which is just straight up lunch. What's wrong with these people? Edit to add: I do feel bad for her about the cold sore. Are we still being silly about cold sores? It's very common and literally not a problem. It can be genetic, or passed on during birth. She probably just mentioned it because it's just uncomfortable and she was likely warning him that kissing was off the table for the date.

I watch your videos while getting ready for work. Thank you for all the hard work you put into your videos ❤

@5:47 My thoughts/feelings exactly. Im exhausted just reading this short text exchange.

I feel so bad for this dude. He was so polite to her, asking her places she recommends and then she acted like an immature child.

"I'm not sitting around waiting for a response " she's literally complaining she didn't get a double text because she wants him to be desperate

LMAO she's going to be forever alone

I've decided in the past not to engage in a romantic relationship with a person for having oral herpes. I was polite about it and grateful for their honesty, but personally, I think everyone has the right to having an autonomous choice as to what they want to expose to their immune system. I personally am not trying to add another condition to the list of stuff I have to deal with, even if it is just a minor inconvenience. I'm also not going to shame anyone over it either though.

I always come back to this video when I need a good laugh

Cold sores are actually SUPER common. John Hopkins does estimate 50-80% of US adults have the virus, so I think the burden is on the person who doesn’t know to do like 2 mins of googling and get informed on it. But I do have a feeling that the cold sore isn’t the real issue. She might need to do some actual therapy work to see if she self sabotaging her love life.

Damn time to get tf outta my own way, thanks for that solid dose of wisdom ❤️❤️

I’d argue that constantly brining up your cold sore and pointing out that it’s related to herpes is MORE stigmatizing of cold soars. If she had simply just said “yeah it’s an annoying thing I get from time to time, just little blisters, no worries” and left it at that she’d be fine. I would only ever tell someone I’ve been on 4 dates with that I have herpes if I LEGITIMATELY had an sti. That’s absolutely insane.

This is just the dating version of bad parents wondering why their kids don't talk to them anymore after age 25. If your dating life is so miserable that NOBODY is working out, then you are probably the issue- not the plethora of other people who have equally no heavy investment in you.

Im gonna show my kids her videos to teach them about what NOT to do and what you shouldn't be expecting from what is essentially just an attractive stranger

"The cold sore is not the biggest deal in the world!" Yeah tell that to people with autoimmune illnesses and a diminished immune system

Whenever I would have a cold sore my sister would bring the separate water bottle and cutlery set I could use because she didn’t want to catch it 😂 Remember when once I forgot myself and drank the water from the bottle I wasn’t supposed to she completely lost it and was furious and our parents were like girl calm down it’s not a big deal get over it 😂

That woman is Michael Scott

The strategizing and schemes are really at the forefront in the dating scene these days. Or so it seems to me, a monogamous outsider who has been with the same man for 13 or so years😅 we don’t even know our “anniversary” bc it was pretty much an instant partnership lol GOD am I thankful lol I think that as far as the women, we play those games, like “who texts who first” or calculating the amount of time between messages or any of that shit where they make it into moves on a chessboard, when we have been hurt in the recent past. I almost didn’t give my now father of my daughter a chance but he didn’t play those games and melted my defenses lol I’m SO thankful I escaped tinder and the general vibe to dating these days

We love Giulia for pulling us out of our delusions

It’s giving “low self esteem, so I gotta put everyone down before I’m rejected first” because her personality is dependent on others failures.

This is so infuriating…

it should never be this difficult 💀 sheesh

Sis is her own worst enemy, all those dudes she went on a date with def dodged a bullet. My god

15 hour dates aren't unheard of. They're not necessarily planned. It's more like, for me anyway, you hang out and enjoy each other so much you're like . "What do you wanna do now?" You could watch TV and go get dinner and all kinds of stuff. It's easy if you click and vibe together really well.

maybe she rejects people so she can keep making content. seems impossible to win with this lady

I’m 48 years old and just recently found out about cold sores. I’ve never had one and don’t know anyone other than the couple that have them. To assume it’s not a big deal is shady

I’d def break something off over cold sores though 😂

9:20 - just want to say that my husband and I had a couple very long 'dates' (before our official "first date", more just getting to know each other, but both definitely interested), about 9 hours. We mostly just walked around an outdoor shopping center and talked :) So I don't think that in particular is super weird if you really connect with someone!

This kinda… leads back into the argument some guys have where they’re expected to be mind reader and the efforts they *do* put forth are reprimanded because (again) they weren’t a mind reader and took them to a place their date didn’t want to go or didn’t like the vibes of the restaurant/date when there wasn’t a prompt in general in the first place. (A separate issue is men who are given a straight syllabus on the kind of dates their partners want to go on and then are confused when she’s upset they went to the bar to watch him drinking and watching the game.)

people need to tone down their own egos if they want to be in a good relationship

So weird how everyone stopped being reasonable on dates, kinda like the score card thing you were mentioning, and it's also like people just expect the dates to revolve around everything they want instead of just kicking it and trying something new, weird stuff.

So she doesn't tell him what she wants, doesn't tell him how she's feeling/what she's thinking, then gets upset at him for not being psychic and doing exactly what she wants? I truly don't understand these people 🤦🏼‍♀️

Ok so this woman is using tik tok in place of a mental health professional (or trusted loved one), you know someone who can therapeutically challenge her expectations and navigate whatever anxieties/emotions are being triggered. Dating is messy by nature, its okay to process that but social media is horrible way to do so.

Girlie really thinks she’s the main character. She needs therapy. If any man would have treated me the way she treated him I’d also be “cool bye”

She does sound insufferable, & like she’s probably pretty picky but he rubbed me the wrong way too. Looking through the comments, I seem to be in the minority. 😂 But I gotta say, if he asked her out to brunch, (something fairly specific) then texted her those texts, Id be pretty annoyed too. (If we aren’t missing part of the story anyway.) He made it sound like he had a date planned out then waited until the night before & basically said “ok, so where we going, got any ideas?” That’s just weird to me & I know I’m nothing like her lol. I hate all the stupid dating rules & don’t need everything planned out beforehand by the guy or anything like that. 🤷‍♀️ We’re probably missing something more than likely.

Lol it’s bad enough she’s the way she is…but to put it online and show everyone. Good luck ever finding someone in life. This somehow says she always single😂

Getting in your own way is a thing