"You think you know each other so you stop paying attention."

"Human relationships can survive fights. Human relationships cannot survive the loss of safety and security."

"The real problem is not when you fight, is when one of you threatens to leave the relationship ".

"Our major job is to protect each other and make each other feel safe & secure" so simple yet.....

I was dumped, from what I can see as a very healthy, growing, and functioning relationships despite sometimes there are fights. One of the reasons she said is that because "relationships should be easy. why is ours hard? why do we need to work it out?" It's what romanticism has told us, that the "right" person will always have things really easy. But it isnt. Because all of us are flawed and imperfect. Living with another human being is always gonna be hard.

"Issues grow, when you stop learning about each other". I am not good at keeping conversations exciting. To understand my partner more, i play couple questions game like "Lovify". In this game you have to guess what your partner expects or likes. My girlfriend loves it ❤

No two people can be a perfect match right at the beginning! It's like an investment of time. Once you invest it properly, you harvest the best fruit ever.

I wish everybody understood that 0% of relationships are sunshine and daisies all the time

I was in a toxic relationship for a year and a half where my partner threatened to leave me many times. "If you get too close to the edge of the cliff we're done" "If you don't get out of the ocean we're done" "I'm gonna break up with you if you drink with your best friend when I'm not there" It was draining and awful. I didn't feel confident in our relationship and I always felt like I couldn't be my adventurous self. I'm glad I finally ended it. I only felt sad for a little bit, then I went to the beach and felt FREE.

The relationships we have ultimately determine not only how we see ourselves but also how we see the world.

After 5 years of marriage and not a single night apart and not a single argument I can say that a huge tip is to read up on oxytocin that is released through touch and make an effort to give a long hug every day. Yes it is normal to have fights but those like me who don't won't be at his office for counselling so of course he has no data on those relationships that do run well. Be each others best friend, hang out like best friends do, and work out your own insecurities because insecurities are a huge fight trigger. You go on defense even before you open your mouth in conflict and when both are defending themselves you don't get anywhere. Solving conflict with conflict and self defense will never give results. Have a talk early how you wish to be treated when you are upset. Do you want to be left alone or be held? Do you want to talk about it or sit quiet? And if an argument occurs and you feel that emotion start to boil in your chest, take a deep breath, agree to cool off separately, then agree to disagree and hug it out. Only use words to each other as you would say in front of your grandmother. If you wish to hurt the person by name calling because you are hurting then you need to seek counselling yourself to mend what old pain gets triggered in you. Lastly, if your partner looks stressed, asking "what can I do to help?" and do things as a team will get you very far. A relationship is like carrying a table. If you don't have teamwork it won't work smoothly.

always hard, everything, but nothing is impossible actually, am 15 years with my man . actually we have a crisis about having a baby . after week and week i'm not still pregnant . but my best friend eve has just told me something about natural drops so I'm really cosidering buying it bc we do really want to have a child or twins 🙂

I have watched this 4 times today. It’s strange how this video brings me a sense of peace, awareness, and helps me understand my current relationship and how I behave in it. I’m going through a bad period in mine and I feel like I was meant to come across this

My, my! What a fabulous talk! My wife (of 28 years) and I have put it on our weekly calendar. Our goal is to listen to it once a week. Stan Tatkin a) knows what he is talking about and b) is a great communicator.

"The next time a relationship moment turns tense, change your position, go eye-to-eye, face-to-face. If you tend to fight a lot when driving in a car, it’s because you’re side-to-side and glance; a glance is a threat trigger. "

A relationship can survive a fight but it can’t survive loss of security or safety ‼️

"there is nothing more difficult on this planet than another person"

“Our major job is to make each other feel safe and secure.” “The decision to be in a committed relationship (loving, secure functioning), means being in the foxhole together, and protecting each other from the dangers out there. It’s not just about getting our own way, we’re suppose to have each other’s back.”

It is, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship but if you to work things out you can have a happy relationship. The most powerful thing you can do to keep your relationship strong is to form a partnership, a team, based on mutual respect, caring and helpfulness.

“The decision to be in a committed relationship -- loving, secure, functioning - means being in the foxhole together and protecting each other from the dangers out there. It’s about having each other’s backs.”

It's soo heartbreaking to know that many people can relate to abandonment and be the pleaser. I hope you get better and may live a long happy life with the people you deserve 😊. Peace 🕊️

Why could I not have seen this before I ruined my life....

This just explained my last 48 hours of my now ended relationship and I just wish my partner understand this

"if we don't have each others back, who will?" 😌

"We're all capable of becoming threatening, even to those we love."

His book "Wired for Love" has done wonders for us! Every couple should be aware of it.

"Our major job is to protect each other and make each other feel safe & secure" Amen for Basic Goodness

This is why I live alone. For my own sanity.

I am a couples therapist, and I think Stan Tatkin is excellent. And, he spoke in my home town!

10 minutes, I felt it like 10 seconds

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriage. Friedrich Nietzsche

The compassion this man shows and the love given through every word are truly amazing. I cannot thank enough for all these free speeches that hold treasures of wisdom in every sentence.

"Our major job, is to protect each other and make each other feel safe and secure. The world is a dangerous place, it's always been so; and right now, it feels a little scary. If we don't have each other's backs, who will?"

I just took a workshop with him and he was fantastic. Lots of logical information about how to manage relationships. Highly recommend his books.

I liked very much. I always think that relationship must lift us up to better level (safe place, loved atmosphere, physical and mental ecstasy, companionship, friendship and so on )than we are right now if not better to be alone.

One of the best Ted Talks I've seen. Very insightful and heartfelt.

I ended up crying after listening to his talk, it relates so much to my story. He always threatens to leave and end the relationship, he always asks me to admit that it is my fault everytime we argue. I tried everything, I tried telling him how I feel, what I want and asks the same about his feelings, what does he think about this and that? But all he does...threatens to leave and end the relationship. I know that I should end the relationship but I love him too much, so I end up saying sorry every single time and admit that it’s all my faults and stay with him.

I really, really needed this; not just for the understanding that I am not alone in realizing how difficult relationships are, but also because I need to take ownership for my part. If I had realized how hard marriage really is then I can firmly say I wouldn't have done it. However, I did and now I have to learn what I need to do to help make it a solid, healthy marriage. It just doesn't fall in your lap that way as so many people, myself included, were led into believing. Thank you for posting -

So beautifully soft spoken

I love the entire speech, especially the part about us being " visual animals'.

You have to have someone who truly meets YOUR needs, YOUR emotional demands. Like he said you.think you know someone so you stop paying attention. So often we are told we're selfish for leaving or not being satisfied BC we don't have what we need emotionally

I can't tell you how much this has helped my relationship with my partner. Thank you so much.

THAT KISS AT THE END! My heart!!!!!!

Amazing!! He spoke volumes in a brief excerpt

i just almost cried that was one of the best speeches I've ever heard

very insightful!! Thank you so much!

really opened my eyes to a new perspective thx

Beautiful explain! Thank you for sharing your insights!

This man is brilliant. Love his work

Very eye opening

thank you for this!!

Love his energy.

Wow what an eye opener!

This is so good, so clear. Thank you 🙏

So true, thanks Stan! Great talk!

He is PHENOMENAL

I found myself nodding for the second half of this film, he is so right. Truly amazing.

Thank you Stan. Your video has made me realise a few things about my own relationship.

Awesome speech- thank you!!

This changed my life. Thank you.

I Love this talk i can totally relate, its like he's exposing facts i hadnt figured out yet

Absolutely superb. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

Excelentes enseñanzas. Gracias.

Amazing talk

Wow !! So needed to hear this today

Very insightful and heartfelt

Love Stan's work

He is awesome, loved this dude

This made me cry and just touched my heart deeply. Very interesting.

Thank you. I need this. Blessed

This is such a good listen/ watch.. Breaks it down easy and simplified.. Makes perfect sense, wish I had seen this years ago!!

Amazing!!! Well Put. "We're supposed to have each other's backs"

Stan touches on so many great points, his talk is packed with good info.

Hes touched my heart 😭

aw that was so good and insightful! one of the best ted talks ive seen!

I loved that talk ^.^ it was so insightful

Precious. Thank you❤️

Well said!❤ Thank You

That was beautiful..very wise and kind words

I come back to this video every now and then. For me it really helps and it is kind of eye openning.

I really love this man. He nailed everything! 👊

Excellent!

Fav TED talk so far

this is a best ever ted talk thtat i heard

Cant thank you enough for this session 🙇‍♀️

Trop beau, merci pour ce beau partage !🙏🏾💖

I love this speech!

Thanks for sharing this idea

probably one of the best speeches out there about human relationship

Thank you this was so good 😊

What an amazing talk! I could see that he spoke the truth and from the heart! Moved and educated at the same time!

Excellent presentation and explanation!

Thank you!

Wow! Unbelievable scientist! Great speech! Thank you for all these very useful information!

If I could like this more than once I would! I think you touch on truth in such a real way! Thank you

Great talk Dr. Tatkin. I will be using this as a teaching tool, absolutely. Such important information and the world would be such an easier place if it became common knowledge.

Very good ted talk here, he's right, we are all very difficult beings

this was so good and helpful

I needed that much love.

Wish my husband saw this but sadly its too late, he's already made me feel the most unloved, unwanted, unsafe and abandoned.