1. Accessability 2. Responsiveness (healthy skilled) 3. Engagement

"Every 13 seconds a couple in the United States is breaking up." Who is keeping that stat?

Really succinct summary of lots of research, and I love the practical suggestions at the end.

I have never been in any relationship before as I'm a Muslim, but I find these advises very useful , so i wish all the creatures on planet find happiness and truly love in their lives❤

Just because one person is willing to share, doesn’t obligate the other person to listen. Both parties need to be emotionally and mentally available to communicate. So unloading on your emotions on your unsuspecting spouse, then getting your feelings hurt because they weren’t emotionally available or didn’t reciprocate isn’t fair. It’s one sided. Maybe instead say “hey, can we talk for a minute”, or “I really need to talk to you”. A big mistake people often have, is looking at marriage as “what can I get out of this relationship, that I may be lacking”. Nature hates a vacuum, so we look to supplement our shortcomings w/ people who fill a void. That’s a mistake because it puts unspoken expectations on people... who are also flawed and looking to fill their own shortcomings. This isn’t a healthy balanced relationship, because you aren’t seeing someone for who they are or what they could be.... but rather what you want/need them to be. True relationships flourish when people find fulfillment in serving others, especially when it’s inconvenient. When you surround yourself will other people who are of a likeminded “servant leadership”, you’ll have a village of people looking to encourage growth in one another, instead of subconsciously looking to have their own needs met. Unspoken/unfulfilled expectations are the death of most relationships. And most people aren’t self aware enough to even realize they have these expectations, let alone examine how that impacts others. That’s my biggest problem with most “relationship experts”. They want to tell you HOW to fix things, without really examining the root of the issue. When you realize the purpose of relationships, beyond the physical & emotional fulfillment, then you’ll understand the HOW. It won’t be a “date night” checklist. It will be done out of a genuine desire to meet the needs of your partner

Great talk, and aligns with all I’ve learned over the past decade. I have a lot to offer a future partner, but I will not settle for someone that isn’t emotionally responsive anymore.

Awesome talk! So needed in these times...

Wow - amazing, insightful, and helpful. Thank you!

The content is so great that it concludes most relationship problems.😲

What an absolutely amazing Ted Talk!!

Fifth block: your spouse has a bad day nearly every single day and you become overwhelmed with her problems and eventually run out of empathy and need to block out her complaining to keep your own sanity. I do like this talk but the first step is to be with someone emotionally healthy to begin with, then follow this advice so you dont mess it up

Sharing emotions and simply complaining are two different things

Thank you for the reminder.

Totally sweet and effective approach to love!

that was like, the best TedTalk i heard in my life

amazing message thank u so much

Very helpful video. Thank you so much!

5:52, at this point is one of the most valuable parts of this video

Thank you, Maya. ❤

Wonderful talk, can’t believe it’s so needed but it is apparently. Wow, I’m so grateful for this amazing talk!

Great talk! I’d add the 5th reason to the absence of responsiveness - falling out of love with your partner. That’s partially why the lack of emotional responsiveness is alarming and makes us unhappy.

Very good. And that will be a very healing relationship. Thank you. I agree whole heartedly. You are a very kind and loving teacher. 🙏🙏🙏 ❤

Short simple and full of facts

Wow, thank You for sharing your insights! Emotions are powerful indeed.

Personally, I thought it was a great TED talk. I agree, as in the previous comment below, that we all need a community or a village to surround ourselves and thrive in. But it’s great to learn about the details of emotional responsiveness in order to help yourself and your immediate circle to flourish.

this is total facts

Class..

The problem is that people can be emotional responsive for a while in the beginning - until you fall in love. Then they become distant and unresponsive. You end up trying to make it work for far longer than we should.

building great relationships is the key to an amazing networking. And, networking is the key to finding the right people who you can help out, and who can help you in return!:)

Thank you so much. THere are so many toxic videos out there on how to judge and blame others when you are attempting to navigate a relationship, based on the narcissistic modern dating culture of use then judge and discard. This video is a positive breath of fresh air.

Definitely needed to hear this

Love is an action word. Love is an energy you're supposed to offer to a deserving human being otherwise it is being wasted and neglected, the effect is living in a miserable relationship with a spouse.

I watched this a good bit ago and it was amazing. Please watch this!!

That's really true from her point of View

Who would want nowadays to make an effort and work on a relationship? Isn’t so much easier just throw away a toy when it becomes imperfect? In all seriousness though, it’s great that there are so many people willing to build healthy and lasting relationships.

great.

I talk to my dogs and hug them.. and cero drama lol

We need each other to thrive.

Are there any examples for when this is not needed?

Work on building a healthy relationship and falling in love with the person that you see everyday, who has been through so much pain and heartache, but still manages to gets through it all.❤️ 💙KZfaqr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

Your opening example completely negates that possibility that your partner is not "emotionally responsive" because perhaps he also is exhausted, had a hard day. Yes, relationships would be great if all people were always emotionally available - but too often - neither one is, and hence perhaps the problem is not that people aren't emotionally responsive, but that the container of having only one of other person to always be your emotional response is too small, as in you cannot get all your needs met by one person, as in maybe the key to a healthy relationship isn't endless self-help and being a "better" partner, but perhaps it's community, village. In the appropriate container, love unfolds naturally, we just need larger containers than the nuclear family.

Agreed

Nice words

a quick answer for the reason why there is more breakups statistically is that there exists the hookup culture

Eurika😊

❤️

I find it hard to communicate with my girlfriend. Sometimes going out for a meal together is uncomfortable because we both just sit there in silence even tho we both just had fun at the water park before hand. I want to hear from actual people who have had bad communication and then managed to turn it around. Need a bit of hope

just got a girlfriend of which i’ve loved for 4 years and i have always sucked at being open and vulnerable with people and relationships in general sooo i’m really trying to make this work update i left her and then got into an 8 month relationship

The important things: Repect Careful Honest

I struggled to hear this message just because it sounded as if men are typically dissociative and that brings up some of my own issues. I am someone who feels like I have been home with max and the iphone takes priority over me. Anywho... it was good presentation, if your able to connect with both parties in these scenarios you may find a large audience. ;)

Wow

omg... I'm not crazy....

3:12

The fresh perspective of this content is enlightening. A book with like themes provided a new understanding of life. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

Personally I find it really hard to do this because my partner wil think of it as needy since she's prioritizing apps, emails and planning first. This has really killed our relationship. I wish we lived 50 years earlier without all these distractions.

question is... who's supposed to be taking care of who? Sounds like one is overworking themselves while the other becomes more and more irresponsible.

Everyone has a different way of communicating. My partner needs to decompress quietly on his own. I have to vomit every thought in my head to feel better. So I give him his space to decompress and when he is receptive to talking, I let go. But I've noticed having to wait allows me to dismiss the really unimportant complaints. What this woman is describing is a romance novel. Men and woman do not exercise empathy in similar ways most of the time.

This sounds more like ONE thing a woman needs than what is the "key" to healthy relationships. I agree with most of the video, but it's so focused in a small part of a relationship, not the "key". If it's all on the guy to soothe the woman, than he needs to be appreciated, respected, and have his needs met in a traditional sense. There are better Ted talks on healthy relationships

My biggest regret is i didn't do that to my partner, now it doesn't matter anymore, no more chance to me to fix this. This video can't bring back my love

What a female bias version to love, at least the 1st part. But also a bit of credit to responsive People as a whole, undervalued!

Wait? The husband comes home from an exhausting day and he has to 1. Listen to his wife unload and then cook as well? I get it but how about - She says babe I know you're also exhausted, clearly, let's cook together? I think that's better. Am I wrong?

Join the Army and realize how much you took everything for granted.

I guess it depends what he does for a living. A desirable partner stays pretty busy taking care of the yard, vehicles, house projects on top of work things and I imagine it’s not easy for them to switch gears and be empathetic to certain types of emotional offloading. My suggestion is keep emotional offloading and complaining to a minimum and stick to constructive criticism.

First

She is basically saying lads gotta up it lol

It’s hard for me to listen; whether it’s from nervousness or something else, adrenaline is like, havin a dadgum RAVE within my sister here-raising her voice register & makin it a bit shrill & shaky, like she is amped up🥴; I also feel like she might pass out any moment and it’s making me feel like I’m running out of breath🫣.. oh god help me, there just one more little thing- that “High School Valedictorian Speech” cadence, which is not something I expected when seeing *TED* 👀😳😬. I’m gonna have to see if there’s a more recent one she’s done maybe…see how far she’s come along, over time... I’m also gonna pretend this is was her first talk ever. I also want to make it clear that I ain’t shitz, and I know it 💖💖💖!! Lol I’m simply unable to ignore those things, & feel like “welp, reckon I might as well point it out so’s to consider by any aspiring *TED-HED*(bahah), lest they make the same mistake…”. It can definitely make what you’re meaning to convey a lot more genuine & impactful, when we’re mindful of such a simple thing as our nerves, & how our body is reacting to excitement such as that. Okay, the end

The husband comes from a long shift , tired and probably fed up and than comes home to cook and do more work! How is this fair, emotionally balanced, or healthy. He will burn out.

I want you to hold the same speech for a man who works in plumbing, and there was a break in a sewer line. I vomited about every 30 seconds because I stood waist-deep in others people's poo until I fixed it.

I think I’m weird but I’m also happy Im not attracted to looks but I am attracted to personality Is that weird I guess that might just be how I work🤷‍♂️

Sooo solition is dont ask ur female partner how they day was ??

After the hours up kick em into motel parking lot

LMAO Responsiveness ? How about emotional responsibly.

Not bad advice just one sided. "Us" often sounded like what a woman needs a man to do to feel connected. I also agree with Taddeh below, what if "he" also had a bad day. A man's emotional needs and expressions are different, If I just need to vent I call a girlfriend. Men are so stressed out and are not as vocal as women, as unfair / unbalanced as social roles seem, it's men dying of stress far younger. I seriously disagree with the Key being become emotional strong in order to support someone else's emotional codependency. Yes, improve but for yourself and expect the same from your partner. Something that does have Surprising Results is just greeting each other! For example instead of "how was your day" a truly generic extension of just saying "Hi" make it a habit to intentionally share 1 or 2 GOOD things that happened. Instead of listing off and re living negativity and hoping the other person knows how to react to make you feel connected; just be emotionally intelligent enough to say, "I really need a hug" or "do you think you could make dinner today" but my personal favorite after a hard day planning something enjoyable in the near future, even if its just a bath or a walk.

Stop committing adultery it's a capital sin you will be judged by your deeds it's bad deed your deeds will be written learn about holy relationship in Islam which is marriage

This is so BS

Why is the partner who comes home from work having to validate and give in to the person who stayed at home. Sounds completely one sided. This person needs to look at it from both sides. A truest healthy relationship is not built on “your happiness at the expense of mine”.

3:07