Dr. Malkin's videos are sooo good - bring a notepad and be prepared to google terms

@@barbarabagatin8962 also they cannot remember their lies (so ask a question more than once and you’ll notice different responses), and they’re definitely defensive and sensitive to perceived criticism so…

Given that only about 5 percent of the population has this disorder, there seem to be a lot of them around. This makes me think most of the people we hear about on this channel are somewhere on the narcissism spectrum but are not full blown narcissists.

​@@Reneemfenn yes. As far as I know sometimes they can't remember everything but I don't want to justify: it is because of their lack of insight. This has been my experience. I think it is also laziness. And also being very cowards. Agree at the end: they can't remember to protect themselves but they get when you say them Ehy you are hurting me! And them: Why? This is really impossible to manage. Impulsive, overwhelmed about bs, afraid of everything, surrounded by untrustworthy people because they can't appreciate decent people but only those who are like them. And when it comes to hurt, they always remember and then that's the big lie. They also gashlight themselves because it must always others faults. Maybe some narcissists seems not to be so evil, but when they hurt and mostly bully they are close to be psychopaths because nobody can be an adult without accepting responsabilities. To not say of when they seek for revenge... Run. Asap.

Exactly most do not truly understand the characteristics.

Projection is a habit I try to challenge--- in myself and the other. I introspect often to remind myself how easily I may misunderstand or misinterpret what I may be expressing, or what the other is expressing. Our discussions online are devoid of visual clues, tone, volume, etc. Context is essential in truthseeking.

YESSS!!!!!!

You're welcome. I enjoyed him.

I came from the same thing!

Love the triple E , brilliant

My narcissistic brother is incarcerated. You're not alone You can't get through to them, but being compassionate anyway is who YOU are, and you do that for YOU. It's like being the cat lady who takes care of a bunch of ferals - they won't cuddle you but you love them from afar. You toss them free meals and hope they make an impact on the rat problem lol

Yup I had a soulmate relationship who would call me out, and then it would be shopping and sushi to make up, could not believe that mum (spelt with a B) still rented space

😢 I'm so sorry. You're a good person, and she was not. Sometimes it boils down to that simple. You deserved love, respect, support from her. You didn't know what you didn't know, so it's natural to feel foolish. She set you up to not see how she was toward you. And now the years of her abuse are becoming conscious to where you're able to voice them. Getting your voice back is like getting your life back. Very best wishes to you & your courageous healing.

@@dubaiedge Thank you so much for your encouraging words and letting me know it wasn't my fault.🩷

@@wulv1013 I'm sorry. It's hard to heal from these relationships. 💔

My mother was similar and she lived to be 99! I gave her the first 40 years of my life but probably more since I helped in her old age. 😢

That's a big issue for me. Feeling selfish and they're happy to call me selfish but I cannot cope with the way they are. They refuse to accept their part of the equations what else can we do but go against our nature and try and self preserve

@@bereal6590 I hope you work out what to do

@@michelepascoe6068 it's a balancing act plus learning and trying to be compassionate to myself. All my life I've wanted to protect my elderly mom yet it's done me no favours she will always be who she is. Being a soft touch I feel so bad for her background though she would deny it's affected her at all and that there is the problem. They can say they had it so hard but if you show them empathy they feel vulnerable and the next thing you're the bad guy and they put all their expectations onto me. You cant win and before you know it you're selfish. When someone is willing to break your psyche in favour of them being right I think you have to try to be a bit selfish for self preservation but it sits badly with me. I try to ignore it. Strange really I should feel bad about it because she rarely protected me as a child from abuse from others yet I beat myself up if I don't protect her. Her feelings and also physically. I was well trained lol! This channel is a God send. All the best to you

@@bereal6590 I relate to what you say. I tried so hard to please my mother, hoping for her acceptance till she died. She left two rejection messages for me to hear after her death. In my traumatised state, I was tolerating contempt and humiliation, so confused and afraid. I had nightmares and day frights for 6 months afterwards and almost all my loved ones were turned against me after decades of smear campaigning. She alienated 3 husbands from their children, yet acted the victim, helpless and harmless. And we all made excuses for her, never imagining she was doing her damage on purpose. We tried to comfort her and to be supportive. Anyway, Dr Carter has explained it all and taught me what to do (video Calm Confidence). The books Mothers who Can't Love by Susan Forward and Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft helped me a lot. I had to detach emotionally from the people I loved who bullied me on her behalf and be realistic about who they all are. Lysa Terkeurst's book Good Boundaries and Goodbyes is very good. The Crappy Childhood Fairy has a Ten Emergency Measures for when you're emotionally disregulated, to download, and a "daily practice" which helps unburden one's heart. God has been my strength and shield and the Bible my shining light in the darkness, but I misapplied some verses on forgiveness, grace, love and dying to self. Yeshua/Jesus knew when to walk away, remain silent before accusers who were determined to think ill of Him, and let people go. He did not JADE (Justify Argue Defend and Explain endlessly). Read a list of Safe vs Unsafe behaviours for clarity. Peace and wisdom to you. We deserved to be loved but our mothers were poisonous. Forgive, let go of false hopes, accept the life you have and move on into calm waters with people who reciprocate love and kindness.

@@michelepascoe6068 you've had it very rough and worked very hard to get yourself back. Hugs and best wishes for the future :):)

I hope this one doesn't disappoint, Barbara. He was a good interview!

Hey whats up, yea buddy, im in Texas, this is rough, i hate living in my own skin, my Doctor said ,0 yea folks can get the traits, me finally going mad, watching this so called character problem, me 0 my, so you got fed up, knowing all of this is like step in to my world, my insight, of how to be a dog, how to be normal, knowing yes my commonsense, knowing, what it means to have a relationship with the Lord, knowing what the whole 9 yards, it made me sick, yea buddy, its in a lot of people, ride that train, right off track, i know what off track means, knowing what my wisdom of my heavenly Father, could be right on the top shelf, but if you like your sins, i like what being a drug addict dog, yeap ,knowing 0 ,people just dont do this, yea they do, what do they say, its a dog eat dog world, turn ugly all you need to, i hate living in my own skin, why cause i can play dog cramp, better than you, watch me, feed me to the dogs, i mistreated, a nut, go down in history, hec i hated turning dog, on any adult, i became out of sorts, ridiculous lies, playing like 0 you go to church, your whole life, about do every church in Texas, its where ,0 they thank im a decent,human, get me on the side, my drug is sex, my mercy, i know drugs, sex is your drug, you have been to millions of churches, the Bible says the devils job, take down the family, turn ugly, tell this drug addict your child like lies, im fed up, i cant take it back, the abuse a girl narcissist, done to another girl, it was like i let it happen, cause i do know what empathy, some type of wisdom, my skin will crawl to hell and back, cause i can play dog, like i step on a retard, it will destroy a good person, of course im not normal, i do like what peace for anyone suffering in this system, my problem was ,i became against a nut, life is not supposed to be like this, it was like, i destroy a troubled person, but being dum, its to much , get a grip, i had fall out, talk ugly, got fed up, 0 that person dont know nothing, they been what, feed me people, look at me, im a good person, im sorry the non human race is around my go team healthy, im sorry im ugly, im sorry i know how to get off track, its easy, its easy to be normal also, how could you, yea im sorry my narcissist is in fear, shame, if i did what the narcissist did, in life, i would be just breathing hec, i dont know, just be ok people, dont be ugly, if you feel anything, stay on track with the normal folks, 0 i got hurt, fed up, you folks have more than one narcissist, 0 yea, than it's the kids, im a one person dog, i only hurt one narcissist, im sorry, my Doctor can make, a person be real,

I took decades to realize that everything is competitive to them. That is why they hate excellence in others so much.

Wow; politicians...

Some very good insights here!

Wow! Thanks.

There does not seem to be any possible way for them to see themselves. Any attempt to do this turns me into the jerk. So I just walk away.

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 just seen your comment and yes I agree. I'm the one who ends up loosing the plot and getting angry. I find there is zero discussion on anything. I've one who will rage and another who doesn't list at all to what I say but monitors my behaviour so everything looks good. It's like being under a microscope being watched and like I cannot breathe waiting for the criticism. They're full of the should shouldn't BUT need actual real help and advise and they can't be bothered. All they're bothered about is how things 'look'. Walking away, not engaging or discussing anything sadly seems the only way. ✌

They're at their WORST when they can't hardly reel in narcissistic supply...In my opinion this is primarily why most narcs get worse in old age😬.They can't handle having to face reality,they use supply to try to prop up that fantasy bubble...We all know how bad their response typically is when someone/something punches a big fat hole in that bubble😅.

How did the person get to be diagnosed with NPD ? Doesn't seem to be a voluntary process that a narcissist would have summited themselves to have done?

@@terrycato2670 We went to marriage counseling for a year and a half. The counselor criticized both of us (M said he agreed with everything the therapist said about me-and I did too-by the time I filed for divorce I didn’t even like my own behavior) but claimed nothing the therapist said about him was accurate. We each had some one on one sessions with the counselor and he told me he believed M had a NPD, and I would never have the kind of relationship or marriage I wanted and deserved to have. He said the biggest barrier to us having a good relationship was M’s personality. We both took the MMPI and a couple of other personality tests. His MMPI came back with the notation “almost too perfect”. My ex didn’t see that as a red flag, but confirmation of how he felt about himself. Once I read about the signs and indicators of an NPD it was pretty clear. I think if you have 5 of the 9 prevalent characteristics you can be diagnosed. He had all 9. He and his first wife went to counseling together for quite a few months and those 2 therapists said the same thing. He was textbook, and the family dysfunctions all fit the bill too.

Duly noted.

@@SurvivingNarcissism yeah she is an absolute gold! So many tricks of not only surviving from narcissistic abuse but also growing from it in all areas of life up her sleeves.

Thank you for sharing because now I know I'm not the only one who suffers from this...although, I'm sorry you have to live that way because it's hard to figure out who to help and why.

@@mday3821 I am grateful that there are others who understand, thank you, because this dilemma is not an ethical one. That would be easier. I am not wanting nor trying to play God here, I have simply learned from experience that sometimes my "helping" was not helping but enabling that person to use it for harm and I never want to do that again.

One thing I have not realized, until listening just now to Jay Reid, is that I was structured from an early age and into adulthood that MY having "fun" was nonproductive and a waste of time or liking someone or something that the narcissist didn't was wrong, wrong, wrong. I still carry those imposed ideals and having fun is harder for me than being "productive" BUT... Imma gonna work on THAT and start trying to actually enjoy life again, laugh more and enjoy a ride down a lovely country road without feeling guilty because "you should be doing ____ or ____" even if I don't have someone to share it with.

In some cases my helping isn't always helpful. It was a hard lesson to learn.

I agree , proving oneself and owning it , well done sir

Hi there, Stacy!

You bet your boots it's life changing!My entire 🌎 view completely shifted after I learned about this stuff along with learning the differences between healthy & toxic behaviors in general...It was practically like learning to walk🥳🎉..

Thanks, Linda.

Thanks, and on top of that, Dr. Malkin is a genuinely good guy.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Both of my parents were alcoholic, and drug addicts. If anything, there is so much more to learn, and grow from, you know there is plenty to stick around for even if it's just music, good food, friends, travel, and LEARNING about how your experiences shaped you and how you can share that wisdom with others. PLEASE! NEVER EVER EVER! Give up!

Having a narc for a parent IS rough,in my case it's my father.Thankfully my mother loved me growing up but I basically still only got ½ the ♥️ I was supposed to get in my 🏠. Obviously learning self-love & valuing your needs is important.A big 🗝️ to no longer attracting narcs is building very strong boundaries, you've gotta stop overlooking 🚩s.You also need to have a low 💩 tolerance...Narcs will try to 💩-test you after a little while & you need to make it a point to not tolerate that stuff.Education+high self-esteem+strong boundaries=narc repellent...This is the formula I've come up with,feel free to use it if you like.I'm not Dr.C but I hope the perspective of another adult child of a narc is helpful for you,best wishes & stand on your principles even if a narc tries hard to get you to bend a knee👍🏻.

If he's asking, he's VERY likely not. 😘 You did great, mama! 🥰

@@makesnodifference thank you!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are not alone. I’ve often wondered this about myself because I have recently concluded that I can no longer be around the people who have emotionally tormented me for decades. For some reason being with them brings out the very worst in me. I do believe that now I am able to recognize this in myself because of watching many uTubes by Dr. Carter, others and having a good therapist. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Admitting what you feel are your flaws demonstrates growth from my view. With you in spirit!

@@lucindaburke6987 thank you. Just when I believe I have it all wrapped up and have taken a few steps forward then another side of this many faceted little gem appears as if to say, "what about me?" I am learning to be thankful for the small yet significant advances I have made even though it seems there is always something more around that curve and below that hill. God bless you. ❤️

What you do sounds more like self-preservation and defense mechanism.

@@ElsieDee001 I think it is definitely that, a BIG part of it anyway. What disturbs me is just when I believe I am comfortable with myself and who they truly are, accepting, here they come, hanging around and testing my fortitude. It's not just a test, really, it's WHO and WHAT they are that tests me. Being around them for long is like standing near an outhouse and hoping the wind don't blow my way. It's that "Expectation". It's bad enough just to know; but to HAVE to smell it too.... eventually I will go nose-blind, I suppose, but by the time that happens I probably won't even need an outhouse... anywhere will do, I won't care!

The smelling a outhouse comparison is drop-dead hilarious🤣👍🏻.I've always compared full-blown narcs to 🚶‍♀️ diaper pails that open every time they talk personally🤭.You SHOULD be guarded by the way,narcissistic people are predatory.Ever 👀 cute little songbirds relaxing on a fence when a giant hawk is flying nearby? Probably not.They all bolt into the treetops because they know a predator is near them & that it's a serious potential threat.Keep staying in those treetops & protect yourself whenever these types are nearby,stay strong💪🏻.

Yes, sometimes you just need to pull back into your own quiet space.

I spend most of my time with my 2 Border Collies when I'm not at work as a 911 Paramedic. COVID decimated any small desire I had left to be social. I do go to Cross fit which I enjoy and spend my time hiking with my dogs. 2 years ago I started mining the internet for the term of narcissist and have learned so much. Therapists in my past have tried to work with symptoms but I'm gathering, until recently, an NPD was not formally isolated and defined and the destruction of their victims was just starting to be recognized and acknowledged. Joan, I cannot use the word'"Mother" to describe her, pretty much destroyed me as her only child. I'm working to heal but sometimes, I feel like the damage is too profound. Like our bodies though, we only know innately to heal and I will not abandon my fur kids. This lecture has added another level of education for me and I'm grateful to have stumbled upon it.

I don't know if it is normal or not but I can tell you that I feel it too. I am divorcing a husband with BPD, which has the same behaviors as covert narcissism , so I am sure that plays a role in the way I feel, but it feels like it is more than that. I feel like everywhere I turn all I see are self-absorbed, greedy, exploitative people and I am afraid to do anything like buy a new car, or buy a house because I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that if I don't comb over ever possible deal because there is nobody trying to run a fair trade business anymore so I have to be on the lookout for how they are trying to screw me over. It just seems like it is everywhere now, and I feel alone, and overwhelmed, and like I have to be really vigilant all the time. So, yes I just want to get away from everyone and be alone where I can let my guard down and relax.

Thanks for calling me a gentleman.

@@SurvivingNarcissism 🤣🤣🤣

That was my thing too, it only seems to exacerbate them cause baby didn't get their bottle 🍼

Defining something in advance gets in the way of learning.

Well, when I'm doing a live interview, Gus goes to a different room. He'll be back in the regular videos!!