Happy this worked for you 😊 My life being full never stopped me from ruminating unless it's really bad force majeure

Well said! It gives me some peace healing when others can articulate better then I could ever explain the complex dynamic and process of how one responds to this type of trauma . Thank you for sharing!

Yes I think practicality is the key & being realistic about situation. Irrespective of where you are or how much you try to shield yourself there are narcissistic people out there in society. Getting therapy & taking practical steps towards a holistic lifestyle/approach is all we can really do, as well as educating ourselves against these kinds of people. I was stalked by a psychopath for two years. I simply dwelled on the 'why me' for too long instead of moving forward. I believe they only decided to leave me alone as they didn't fail to break up my relationship or my family despite me hitting rock bottom & having a manic induced episode due to the incessant trauma I was being put through, plus the police were useless in offering support or resolving the case. They told me 'yes your phone has been hacked' but that was about it. I changed phones & the same thing happened despite all the precautions I put in place; it was really frightening being preyed upon by a tech savvy psychopath. It's not as if you get a break from cyberstalking either as we rely on technology for everything it pervaded every aspect of my life. I think technology and how this can be utilised by narcs & psychopaths really needs to be discussed. My story is different as I didn't go through the shared fantasy etc I merely frequented a server/discord that had an unsavoury character in it, it was little more than opportunism in my opinion. I'm all for your very proactive approach- I see so many people dwelling in their misery instead of trying to move forward. I also see a very high percentage of people claiming to be a narc & psychopath victim when they really have no notion of what that really involves (ie they were probably in a relationship with a disagreeable person, a not very nice person or they're equally as disagreeable judging by how they present themselves online. It's easy to point the finger as opposed to looking to oneself). What the whole ordeal did give me was the chance to look at my own behaviour & how I was contributing some negative attributes to my own relationship & vice versa. I'm a pragmatist at heart & like to think there's a lesson to me learned from any situation irrespective of how unfair it seems or dire.

It took me two years to start feeling like me again. I'm still not there yet. A year and a half later, after I left him, I felt like someone else. I had habits I didn't recognize, expressions that weren't mine, weird things like facial movements, hand movements, gestures, that were not ME. I'm finally starting to feel okay. I hope I never see him again.

​@@naiyalexictook me 5 years, and now at 7 years memories and feelings can still intrude my mind and being, working on acceptance of bad choices and HOW I was trained to make them.

@@alternat8771 "Why you? WHY anybody?" Kurt Vonnegut

I believe more confusion comes from brutal reality - that toxic people, psychopaths are in power, they are protected, their money keeps them out of jail - and there is nothing to stop them - and everyone pretends that toxic people do not exist. Starting with CBT who brainwash traumatized people into this BS belief: "Intense fear: disproportionate to the actual risk of most social situations, worrying for days before a party for example"

Yes Thats How I Do It Every Time my Boundarys Slip And I See The Demon Starting To EMerge In him, I Snap Back To Reality The Why Is BeCause Thats What Evil Does

@@alternat8771 Thanks for the reminder, fellow warrior!

You must have been there. You have to know that "just leave" isn't that easy. Especially when we are enthralled. Hindsight is 20/20 - "What the heck was wrong with me?" Its such a slow soul-suck that we don't notice it. My heart goes out to everyone that has endured for decades. 💔

its called corruption, its very common, almost ubiquitous. its not YOU. the people who benefit by going along with corruption, the ones who always seem to get by or thrive in a corrupt system, they benefit, they are corrupt. it is very hard to accept that close family members are corrupt, but this is a fact. many many many seemingly good americans ARE corrupt. its just a fact that we must face, or stay in a state of confusion. accepting the commonness of corruption in our society is the first step to changing it. this starts at home. i watched a family member literally put her mostly healthy mother in a state nursing home, steal her wealth and then set herself up in a custom home for life, at the expense of all the other family members. and she did it so casually, so matter of factly. corruption. period. this person is now a retired teacher. a teacher. a corrupt teacher. a teacher that went to work appearing to be mother teresa, while ripping off her entire family in her time off. a teacher. a corrupt teacher. when i recognize corruption outside myself, and that i have not gone along with it to my benefit, in any way, then i realize i am ok, i am not corrupt. i am different than they are. this is where the peace lies. when you realize you are not at all part of it.

I keep thinking since I left and moved far away the attacks again me would stop. It’s gotten worse 14 years later. Does it ever stop? He keeps using a public platform and other people to slander me. No, there’s no contact. He’s using our children.

​@alycewarr5332 Sue the b*s t*rd

This Hit…

@@lol5928 the goal is freedom 🙏

I hope you're right because this pattern is getting old.

Same! I’ve been listening and learning from dozens of coaches in this field for 5 months and just came across this channel a few weeks ago. THANK YOU Richard!!!!

I like him as well, but I think he has a little dash of narcism for real - set a thief to catch a thief!!

@@charlottepembroke5446 I don’t see that. To me he is a strong person who has this figured out.

Exactly.. smh

But brain is opsesd and you can't get out of circle without help

If it helps at all, they didn't actually do that to you - they did it to the parent who didn't give them what they needed.

Don't give the narc the satisfaction. Please keep moving forward. It's not easy, it takes time, but it does get better. You got this💚💚💪🏼💪🏼

Please say this prayer sincerely: Jesus come into my heart!!! God will fill your heart with healing!!

Stay positive. Dont give up on yourself. Get plugged in with lots of support. You are not alone. One day at a time. 🙏🏻

I completely get what you have written. This is where I am and have been for 5 years. It's hard to recognise that there are people who love and care for you just waiting to help. Sometimes it feels like a failure to confide in someone and actually ask, but there are people, agencies, and groups who will step up. The best revenge is to live well. Please, consider taking a chance. Best wishes.

I lived this life too

Me too 💪 I sentenced myself to 38 years with him! But I am healing. We can do it! It is hard work. But the peace on the other side is getting more and more and more attainable 🎉

Me too, I wanted to be his favorite, I knew there were others but stayed anyway, and he turned his attention away from me. From what I learned is that they lose respect for us because we accept their crap. But it's so crazy because that's what they want, to give us their crap. I started speaking up for myself telling him that I'm hurting and confused etc. and that's what caused the end of our situation.

I can totally relate. It’s hard for me to not feel bad because I don’t think they really realize their behavior but that doesn’t make it okay or less toxic. I’d been friends with them for over 30 years. Went no contact 9 years ago without knowing anything about narcissism. Resumed the friendship about 2 years ago, thinking they’d changed. Last couple years there was some strange behaviors, some old, some new. When looking up these traits and behaviors I realized he’s a narcissist and it all clicked and made more sense. Even without knowing about narcissism I went no contact years ago and I should’ve stayed with that decision.

@@KenDavis-uo8kq That was my mistake as well. I originally went no contact for about 2 years, but same as you I didn't know what narcissism was, and he was acting like a total jerk. He hoovered me back and I accepted, but the second time got even more toxic and weirder. Should've trusted my gut. I don't think that these people can get better without some hardcore therapy. It seems like they get worse over time actually. The way they think and perceive people is a brain defect and cannot be fixed.

@@3nigma2013 Right? That’s spot on. It’s sad and baffling.

Thx i go watch

Wow! Best video I’ve watched yet. And I’ve watched a lot. To get into the mind of the narcissist has helped tremendously in understanding the last 22 months.

i understand how that seems wrong, but dark humor and sarcasm is part of his character snd i can relate because i also sooth myself with playful joking🖤

He's the evil youtube man... you didn't know that ?😂

I love Dark humour, but that wasn't a joke. That's Richard letting you know how stupid he thinks you are. He's psychopathic, but he's charming and likeable. It's all simulation and acting. And he's good at it. He studies people and knows how to work them from the back. Anything he does that's prosocial is for his own gain. That's what this channel is, dearie. And the way I look at it, he could be doing a lot worse.

The whole idea is the narcissist speaks and gives their perspective, think you've missed the point of the exercise

@@SRPA476I think it's just dark humour used as a means of expressing a deeper truth. Do I get the uncanny valley from Richard, no. I'm a mental health professional & well versed in 'caring' for these kind of clients. He's confident & probably less agreeable as a result of being ensnared in these kind of relationships himself. Indeed I used to be a very agreeable person & now I'm quite the antithesis in many ways for similar reasons. I think he finds it cathartic & there's nothing wrong with that. Let's contrast him with Vaknin who definitely is a narcissist & plays the game well; he's an undeniably very smart man who has expertise in this field not just by virtue of being a narcissist but due to how well read he is & how he's synthesised that data. I'm sure Richard has gone through a lot of therapy & built up many defences to get to point where he's at. He's put himself in a position of authority by being well versed on the literature & kudos to him for that which probably feeds his ego & not necessarily in a bad way. I see healthy confidence not a warped perception of self. The fact he was taken in by Vaknin/under his tutelage I can't see many narcs doing either as they perceive themselves or those of the cerebral variety as the epitome of knowledge indeed despite distancing himself from him (they fell out) he still credits him with his foundational knowledge- again not a narc attribute. From a cultural perspective I'm also from the Wirral where Richard is from - men are kind of expected to be stereotypically quite macho, intense etc which probably adds to his multi faceted character. The guy has travelled & given his age he's gonna be a perceptive guy & take confidence in that which I see as healthy. The fact he also calls people to action as opposed to just turning this into a theoretical exercise is also telling - why would an actual narc really want that when he can readily just prop up his business by selling a gimmick like Dr Ramani for example? I've seen him give free lecturers etc (sure the publicity helps but ones gotta make a living) which again I wouldn't expect a narc to go out of their way to do. In retrospect as Vaknin states it's easy to spot a narcissist they give off that uncanny valley right from the get go & this guy just doesn't do that for me.

I have CPTSD and have had to deal with a large number of triggers. Here’s what I learned. Every trigger is tied to a lie; I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy, I’m too broken to be worthy of love, nobody can be trusted, I can’t handle this, the world is not a safe place, if I told anybody they wouldn’t believe me, nobody can be trusted, etc. Each of these are a lie because they are in the form of an absolute. If they are not absolutely true, then they are false. That’s the first step. The next step is to figure out what the truth is for each of those statements. The problem is that they feel true. Especially when those lies were implanted under high stress. Maybe some of them at one time even were true, but they are not true now . For each of these lies that I uncover I write a new truth statement. For me, it is helpful to pray and ask God what the truth is because often I have believed that for so long I don’t know what the truth could be. These lies get planted in the low brain and they are activated before the cognitive brain can evaluate them. So if I go back to the feeling and then I ask myself what did I tell myself right then, I can figure out what that implanted message was. it takes a little bit of practice, but once you recognize that inner dialogue, you will discover that there are more lies in there than you realize. The narcissist is very good at finding those lies and using them against us. That can really reinforce them. I hope this helps. If you have any questions, I have a lot more information than what I’ve given you here but at least it’s a start.

I know exactly what you mean. When you were a target in this lifetime you better stay aware of this kind of settings this matrix put before you, just to confuse you. It also gives you the opportunity to give real time and attention to the trigger. What are the words of the feelings and when on your timeline did something occur. Use the words aware, acknowledge, allow and accept and for me it helps to combinate that with a breathing exercise a la Wim Hof or Sandy. They made this materialistic world theirs and we started to call it the world upside down because spiritually it is.

Hi. I get triggered by what he kicked up in me. Now I'm rethinking my ENTIRE family relationships. OMG by MOM!!! She was a natc! thought we all "fell out" one by one. Now, its looking and feeling like :discard" my whole sorry life. I feel like I am a big, fat funny Narc magnet and STUPID. Even estranged with both other kids who after a closer than close bond and "suddenly" for no reason, SEVERE, joint betrayal. My brother, and I don't have ONE friend, absolutely nobody to even say how are you and my earth is spinning. I dont even feel comfortable on here. I think narcs hang out here, That Savken guys makes me want to start shooting! When talks to "help" I feel mocked.

@@boxelder9167 Thank you much for this. I will digest and implement.

@@CamilleBreadshaw2.0 Focus on what you can do to move forward beyond relying on other people's affirmation of you. Do things that are good for you and feel good. Go for a walk. Visit a national park and walk among the trees. Welcome new friends and be the person you would like. We can always blame others and it does us no good. Just move on from what you life has been and reinvent yourself. I know i did.

There Will Come A First Moment When An Exhileration Will Come As you Realize your Life Is No Longer Controlled By Them !! I Got Giddy Excited When It Really Hit me I Pray you Have A JoyFull Revelation That Those Days Of Serving A Black Hole Are Over !

I agree- but we enable them for the most part. Psychopathic people run the world. They dominate every social environment at every level of society. No one looks beyond charm, status, and good-looks. If you have any or all of those things, people play blind to your faults and will blame your victims. Life is different Outside of the therapeutic bubble.

🎯

Yes…and although it’s *so* painful to break the addiction (frigging trauma bonds 😫), this is why going fully No Contact is so important!

I don't know about you but I found it hard to be believed because of how bizarre the circumstances sounded. I was cyberstalked by I believe someone who had psychopathic tendencies for 2 years. It started off very overt - laughing, grunting etc down the phone & hacking my accounts & phone to really insidious stuff & people blamed by bipolar on it apart from my fiancé who said he couldn't explain some of the bizarre things he'd found on my iPad etc. This person I had nothing to do with either hence why I believe they were a psychopath it was all about the thrill & end game, probably see how mentally unwell I'd become. The irony is I'm a mental health professional & never believe this would happen to me.

Brain to brain interface has been commercially available since 2014 so for a high tech, connected criminal it doesn't even require internet activities

What a shockingly arrogant comment from a former friend. I imagine also a disturbing thing to overhear.

I had a friend of 20 years and it was too much, she was too much. The last time we spent time she almost stabbed me in the middle of my hand with a sharp pointed spade. I didn't move fast enough for her. She says sorry but does it next week. Enough. She would also host parties to push a narrative. The food wasn't that good, lol.

I can set them off by merely straightening up my posture. That's all it takes. Just being in a good mood or having a positive social interaction or finding a nice jacket at the thrift store. That's all it takes.

​@@ronfox5519 Literally i know it's because they're so convinced everyone is doing something to them all the time while they try to convince everyone that's not how they think and feel. They go to great lengths to hide that fact that i always noticed about these sort of people because it's like you could be sat in a corner minding your own business and instant attack, very paranoid thoughts indeed.

@@Harteo3917 True

I also have some feelings of wanting to prove my self worth echoing inside of me because it was always "i need to approve of everything you just did or are going to do if i'm going to trust you or deem it as correct, right, or a waste of time or not" mainly in schools this has always been in their words not mine, and very narcissistic people just copy the same things. It's the same going on that is happening in abusive relationships nobody should have that power over anyone, but it's senseless because who is going to make all the things we need? who is going to put food on our tables if everyone is unwell?. Reminding myself of that puts it into perspective and It's why becoming a separate, independant, and self reliant person is necessary so you can control your own life make your own decisions and have your own thoughts and feelings. Working through those feelings that everyone is trying to humiliate you, take a good look around you at everyone else around you and you'll see that other people leave everyone be and are getting on with their own things and just want to coexist with others. Sure it would be nice if others spoke up but at the same time it doesn't matter what we say they aren't going to listen it's an impossible situation. It's usually only the ones with issues that are causing problem not everyone is trying to humiliate you it's just that those who harmed you made you feel this way.

I realised that after narcs relationship how much damage my "family"and extended one did with subtle ridiculing mocking gestures of humiliating any progress in my life I was devastated more about that than narc opend those memorys wounds .

@@chiliart8056 YES ! This is particularly devastating. Luckily for me a few people ( funnily enough, more distant friends, people around in the village ) supported me and did not support the savage discard, but a few close to me were ( as you say) mocking and secretly enjoying my downfall. So many people are that insecure and bored with their own lives, that is why they do it. Never underestimate the human need for superiority. I do believe in karma, and the truth does come out in the end, and in my case it is. Take care of yourself.

@@chiliart8056 YES ! Luckily for me a few people ( people who weren't really close friends , people in the village ) were supportive and did not support the savage discard, but some close to me secretly enjoyed my downfall. Never underestimate some people's insecurity and need for superiority. I believe in karma and the truth always comes out in the end , in my case it is. Take care.

Yes after wery hard narc relationship I had two vampires I need to cut it rough It's like thay don't get the nice way .One called 11:30 at night when I said we aren't so close .He asck me 3 times is it bad I said some rude thing becouse seriously don't have nervs no more for children in grownup bodey

....your* - dammit, Sierra. 🤣

To me sexual energy is sacred it’s the creational power, it can cause entanglements once entwined you pick up on their inner demons too ❤