I've started self defense and boxing after 15 years in an abusive relationship and your advice about the confidence is superb...I feel like I'll never learn to protect myself but after hearing this I'm just gonna concentrate on the skill ....and the confidence will be the byproduct I think x

To the gentleman who asked how to stop ruminating. Perhaps you will see this and it will help. A neuroscientist taught me that ruminating thoughts produce chemicals that cascade from my brain into my body, that overtime my body develops a chemical dependence and a vicious cycle is born. I've meditated, exercised, tried focusing on other thoughts, distractions etc., but nothing helped me stop ruminating thoughts like the awareness that my brain was manufacturing a drug to feed an addiction. This awareness can stop an obsessive thought in its tracks in real time and has been a powerful, life changing, habit busting tool for me. I use it to change negative self talk into positive, loving thoughts about myself. I use it to cultivate diplomacy in my interactions with others, especially when I feel like I could fly off the handle and say regrettable things.

Counselors at a DV safe house were telling me I was borderline. After some time away from family and toxic people I'm just fine. Not over emotional not showing borderline traits anymore. I'm able to look objectively at even my abus, Fortress mental health on KZfaq from Grannon is a MUST. Richard's book is amazing, CULT OF ONE. Get it, read it!!!

I can spot a flashback and bring myself back into the present; but I think the hurt from the negative experience will be with me for the rest of my life and that I will always feel grief when I am reminded of it; that is, I will never wake up one day not feeling the sadness it brings and the moments that could have been so much better when we had them. It feels like it's a part of the fabric of my life that I wish I could wipe out of my memory but as I say that, I realize I would have to give up also the knowledge of how resilient I have been in living through and beyond it. I don't think I'd want to lose that part. I've learned so many valuable things about people, about mental health and how trauma is something everyone will face at some point in their lives and how they suffer and struggle with it when it goes unexamined and unresolved...how it can spew out and poison their lives and the lives of everyone around them. I grieve for the loss of decency and compassion that that disregulated person has had happen to them and caused them to mindlessly pass that misery along...it's true that hurt people hurt people. And I grieve their pain too and wonder what kind of person they would have been if they had been loved, cared for, respected and accepted...if they had been seen and appreciated when they needed it the most...it feels like such a deep loss all the way around. It helps me to have compassion and forgive them. But I can't help to think, what a terrible loss when I see the damages that such mistreatment has caused in them. My problem is that I don't want anyone to hurt. I want people to have all that they need and be whole and happy; but life beats us up and some get it pretty badly. It feels cruel and such a waste on the human spirit.

This was helpful. For those of us no longer in the throws of abuse, just trying to be a normal human moving forward...the distorted perception is real. I'm going to head over to the flashback course. Thank you

Its amazing how wether you are young, old, rich, poor, abused or loved and protected. It comes down to your moral compass. Your free will. Most people hoard and destroy others who do not essentially worship them superficially. A few make the world a better place.

My body has been doing this 2 sharp breaths thing spontaneously on and off for years and when my stress levels increase- so I just thought it was a stress response thing and I must admit it worried me that I was developing a tick, but thanks Richard, that's good to know

My life is legit suitable for a true crime doco. That’s validating.

Richard thank you so much for your service to us Codependents! I’ve woke up from a 15 year marriage to a narcissistic woman and am going to stop fixating on if she is or isn’t a narcissist or just abusive. I’m working hard to take back my self and show our kids a healthier path. Thank you 🙏

This explains why I’m often quite tired. Have to keep moving but yes.

The more I listen to you, the more it's resonating with me. I love your honest, calming presence. Thank you very much.

Thank you, as always. I am currently in a time of intentional solitude with emotional sobriety as I work through my trauma and healing. I still have connections, just very limited. Most days I spend time in growth education and self assessment mixed with some entertainment of movies or books. Just resetting and growing following over twenty years of ebbs and flows from micro and mega abuse. I enjoy hearing your input and perspective. Gives me things to ponder.

I also learned about the physiological sigh from Andrew Huberman. I’ve tested it at my doctor’s office and found that it will indeed lower your blood pressure. I now recommend it to anyone who suffers from “white coat syndrome. “.

Super interesting about the origins of the English language, thanks for that. Yeah I get the the past present connection - have to check myself frequently, because yep, was traumatised by the psychotic hands of my father especially during late teens, then by my ex husband's, only months ago. I'm still alive, have the deep cuts, and he's still stalking me. I'm super tired, my body aches, and I almost want to give up. Not on life, but on the hypervigilance that feels necessary in order to stay safe, but I cant give up the hypervilence yet, its keeping me safe, until my ex is deported on criminal charges. Which is exhausting.. but yeah, your spot on, still reliving it, because I'm still dealing with the fallout, the Police, data recovery, security cameras, statements etc I'm not doing anything addictive other than watching your videos which are helping me stay grounded and validated. I'm not drinking, not taking any drugs or over shopping etc. vaping is about the only thing l do. ( Which is not good I know) In the meantime, yeah I'll keep checking in on myself, and check out the mental health protection Fortress course/program. I ask myself the questions, have to, otherwise how else can I self regulate. Living on my own, is good in the sense that I have the privacy to have those chats with myself out loud. 😅 So using meditation to ground myself. Yeah I think the exercise is key. As soon as I get a window, I'll jump in. ( Im worried Im still stuck and making excuses ) And therapy, transactional analysis sounds really positive, and yes I also get the lineage DNA passdown. Do you have any advice for me? I miss the live sessions, I live in Australia.

"If it's hysterical, it's historical," that's a useful, if very oversimplified explanation taken from twelve-step programs for extreme reactions based on previous negative experiences. I'm a fan of this one.

So glad you're talking about emotional dysregulation. It feels like the thing that isn't spoken about. Learn yourself, accept yourself ❤. X

Richard, I realised while watching that the heaviness of my past is gradually becoming lighter as I practice my skills and allow the time/space for grieving. I also realised why I have been so uneasy in the presence of people who have not lived through intense, prolonged trauma. When the wolves at the door are the members of your own family, the sanctuary of the safery of the 'cave' just does not exist. I simply cannot relate to people who have a genuine sense of safety and security. Being in the presence of these people has always made me feel more hyper vigilant. And now I know why. I feel trapped by them. I feel as though I need to shake them awake from their cozy sleep. I feel like I need them to recognise how bad the world can be so we can all fight against it together. Thank you, as always, for your wonderful work. ❤

Richard, you are my favorite narcissism expert. But the English language was being written in the 600s. Very different from what it is now, but written and continually written over the centuries with a clear pattern of development down through Chaucer and his contemporaries, through Shakespeare, to us. The first English monarch to use English in official correspondence was Henry V, during the Hundred Years War. I could go about when, why, and by whom Latin, French, and German were used, but hopefully this is all the nerdy outburst I need to let me get over this little issue and listen to what you actually came here to say. Carry on.

HE heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds! Psalm 147:3 The good Lord is clearly working through you Richard; I’m so grateful for your wisdom on this subject! Yes walking,dancing,singing,movement is so crucial to our healing! I missed this live chat,will try again! Keep healing us!!! I like when you said” we must stay close(in touch) with our feelings; so important! God bless us all! Praying for all!

Oosh sensay. It’s like you heard me out there sir. Been contemplating reversing the emotional/nerve damage of trauma. Was emotionally beaten while down already long term. Am rising again

35:55 36:12 50:04 50:17 51:00 52:02 52:41 52:57 55:24 1:29:21 1:31:26 You must be doing something right. I feel that you have healed quite a bit since the first time I listened to you back in 2020. Thank you for this presentation. Very helpful and informative. Your insight of the ENGLISH lesson alone helped me tremendously. Much to my amazement…..Time stood still as I was learning without leaving the PRESENT MOMENT. I will always remember this. Thank you Richard….💯🤍🕊️🙏🏼🕊️🤍💯

Yes! It is now. It is always now. My traumatising event was in the Autumn of 1988 and lasted until Summer 1990. But it is always now. So nearly 35 years ago in time but now in the body. The feelings are as fresh and raw as all those years ago. I keep getting flashbacks. I keep returning to the triggering event. Because there is a huge lesson there. Otherwise I would have shrugged it off at the time. Miriam Margoyles is well into her 80s and wrote in her autobiography about the bullying she experienced in Cambridge Footlights and said 'It was over 60 years ago and it STILL hurts.' Thank you Miriam. I still want to kill my abuser. The power of my feelings is as fresh and raw as ever.

Wanted to add, thank you for the breathwork part and for the patience it takes to always repeat yoursef. The Fortress Mental Health is partly responsible for the progress I have made, as well as the physicality of the work I do. It's not the gym but it's close. I also like doing the somatic stretching and shaking of the limbs. It's coming back into the realm of friendships after so much isolation that has me feeling stuck again. But I'll get there.

Thanks for making this sooo easy to watch 😂

Yeah why Is my body torturing me with memories. I wish brain would protect me but that is a silly thing to say. I’m overwhelmed, thank you for this video it is helpful.

OMG, Richie. You are so BRILLIANT! You’re a life savior in trying to understand this shitty abuse! I hope you know what you’ve done for people.

Richard Grannon, the saviour of my sanity. To go through a nightmare life, completely alone with endless suffering to finally be understood so deeply. I consider you a fellow traveller Richard and am deeply grateful for your bravery and honesty.

I really like this physiological sigh.

Richard, I'm only 21 minutes in and I just went through this yesterday. A psychologist was online and he wanted to talk about how trauma can start before you're born. He warned that it could be triggering and I thought, nah. I've been through so much what could he possibly say? He said, if your mother didn't want you while she was pregnant and you felt it from before you were born it can mold you for the rest of your life. I lived that but, there was a disconnect between what I heard being said, how I was treated and then, how I was constantly being told that I was blessed to have my parents. I was blessed however, my mom didn't want this pregnancy because, she already had a 9-month-old. My mom had a very sensitive nervous system and she was always anxious. I know I felt that and she only weighed 105 lbs and I don't think she gained any weight with me. She had her reasons and they were valid. But, I was born full-term but, underweight. My nervous system was not completely developed. And, because she couldn't cope, I was left alone. Now, I'm a grown woman that struggles to understand the world. I really live in a frozen state. If I referred to my mom as she... I got chased down by my dad who just swatted me on the back of my head. It didn't hurt a bit and it broke my heart into a million pieces. That meant the only one I thought loved me didn't. I am so many different kinds of opposites. I can be afraid to walk to the corner alone but, if someone I love needs me, I can do the almost impossible. I can't bond to anyone because, they'll leave me eventually. Most likely by lying to me. The trust is broken and they're not real to me anymore. I have a genuine love for human beings. But, after I spend an hour with them, they trust me and I'm exhausted. I don't know how to get over all of the trauma. It would take me 6 months of sessions with a therapist just to give them my trust. When I finally grew up enough to go out in the world and I even was speaking in public, I realized that I could tell by the way people reacted to me that I have something that translated into them feeling my empathy so deeply that they bonded to me quickly. I felt that there was something different about me. And, maybe it was good. But, at the same time, I would tell you that I'm garbage. I will give away everything I have and I have done that. But, if I receive something as a gift that's a value to my heart, I'm glad but, I don't feel like I deserve it. I'm going to watch this whole video but, it's going to take me a week. You don't talk like other people because, you have insights that other people don't even go near. I was so scarred by the time I was four that in movies and photos I can see that I went into a dysphoric state. Life feels painful even when everything is good. I am tired all the time. But, it's like a soul tiredness. Thank you Richard, for sharing what you know. I feel shame just by the fact that you understand this. I hope that I learned to enjoy the ride for at least a little while before I leave this earth. But, I don't see how. Take good care of yourself. Your knowledge is precious. 💙

Thank you for taking the time to address the lashing out I’ve been witness of and for doing it in such a kind manner.

The question I never stop asking is this: Why does suffering drive some people to empathy while it drives others to callousness? I know this is simplistic but there are so many variables and not all of them can be accounted for by genetics and nurture. I know its unfashionable to believe in free will, but I think we all have choices we can make about who we want to be. Perhaps I'm deluding myself and this is just another script written by my ancestors, but at least I comfort myself with this notion.

so helpful. I try not to watch you too much since completing the matrix course last year (it was really healing). but it's good to see you and have your support every now and then.

I’m hearing exactly what I know deep down without way or perhaps courage to say or allow myself to trust those thoughts or feelings. Thank you Richard for helping me realize I have the strength and discipline to overcome what I’ve allowed myself to endure in abusive relationships (narcs) . I am for the first time in my life at a place of radical acceptance by practicing mindfulness, listening to your words and follow stoic philosophy. You save lives and at the very least your saving souls. Thank you ❤

Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate your ability to make something so complicated more practical. It's super helpful!

Waow synchronicity I had an emotional flashback recently Triggered by a someone who said I was wrong because the experience of being invalidated was so strong Thank God for you Richard

If a title ever caused me to immediately click, here we are. That is an adorable story about the 3 year old. As I'm listening to you about the past, I'm thinking if we are cut- off from our past we are rootless. R8chard, thid msy be one of the clearest, most fascinating talks I have listened to.

The information you provide is beyond priceless. I've learnt so much more that i wasn't even aware of until you triggered that emotion again. i see now i have so much more healing work to do. Thankyou for just putting it all out there. The way you deliver with raw truth is very refreshing from the constant deception received for virtually in reality my entire life. Thankyou for just being on this screen helping so many of us understand what has and is happening to us. and giving us the tools to heal. God Bless you in all ways.

Healing is an ongoing journey. Thank you for the reminders, Richard. We also need to treat ourselves gently, and forgivingly, and might I add, a sense of humor doesn't hurt. Love your energy! Thank you❤

I’m only about 15 minutes in, but so far the breakdown and explanations used to teach are excellent.

I'm so grateful for this video . thanks Rich your a legend 🙌

This video is sooo liberating; explains it so beautifully and all of it. Thanks

grateful for your wisdom and for speaking out

Thank you Richard. Very informative, inspiring, entertaining. There’s hope.

…..and the work continues, thank you Sir 🙏🏼

Hi Richard, I want to give you many thanks for your videos. I have made progress, that was directly because you invited yourself into my mind to be by my side at the moment of being disregulated in a situation.😅

You explain things in such depth and detail. Thank you.

I have learned to stay away from people now . Thank you for your help.

Finally an explanation that makes perfect sense. The more traumatized I am, the harder it is for me to break free from my past/default settings. No wonder I'm struggling so much trying to let go of the colonized parts of myself that need to die. Thank you, Richard. This helps a lot. The darkness of my past is really trying to drag me back into the pit. But I'm trusting God to heal me, deliver me, and set me free in the Name of Jesus Christ. 😊❤

Yes my perception is on point and messed up at the same time

Thank you Richard, gave me a lot of food for thought ❤

@Irene Lyon’s programmes on healing trauma and building nervous system regulation are incredible for this kind of healing

Very helpful for most men, Ego is the man’s first killer

This was *PHENOMENAL* Thank you, thank you. Also- at 57:00, I recently read “It Didn’t Start With You” and have felt conflicted and think about it often, so thanks for the question from that viewer!

Learn to connect to the earth and move all ur bad feelings through ur feet to the earth....and after that learn instead of relying on people,rely on earth only for stability and for being strong ,not people.even if they are not narsisit, dont merg in anybodies world out of balance....learn that u have to had ur own stable world in any relationship

Flashback trigger. Yes. Music/love songs even when they have no connection or meaning to the past relationship.

Thankyou Richard, I needed this . 🎉🎉

I don't have problems with envy or anger, mine is debilitating fears. I am trying very hard to overcome them. I have been told I have PTSD from childhood. Not really sure what that means but my main fears are heights, water, bridges. I haven't listened to you but a little occasionally. I had a dream about you the other night that you were my counselor of sorts coming to my house several times almost as a friend. You came the last time in my dream and I noticed I had on tattered clothing and I apologized for that to you and said you've been here many times and I've never shown you my home and I showed you the other rooms quickly but not really hurriedly, if that makes sense. You didn't act anyway in particular but we both knew it was coming, you said my next visit will be my last one. Its time to move on. I don't know why but in my dream after you left I cried my eyes out. I woke up crying. I don't know you and before the dream I had barely ever saw you online or have never thought of anything like that about you. In my dream I felt love and I thought I loved you and I actually felt love. When I awoke I felt that when I saw you online again it would mean something very important for me to hear. This was the next time I listened to what you had to say. It did mean a lot to me this time. I got a great deal from it. Thank you, but I'm not sure why I had the dream unless it was for me to really listen to you this time. Thats all I have to say about it.🤔

Thank You Richard! This is so very Important, to acknowledge, both in oneself, first, and also in the outside world, more than ever. What has the culture in me, or others, imprinted us with, and Why? What has it done with me-us? How can I work with it both psychologicly, and most important, within my own body. When do I feel, those things appearing in my own body, and how do they affect my whole beeing? How can we work on that, to become more of what is within us, that we never got, to be, or feel or whatever sits in between the wholeness in us :) I have worked wihtin myself with so many diffrent methods, since 20 yrs, and breathing is the best, to learn to feel where it sits, and to let go with. One has to become curious, of whats inside, to know oneself. Where one is, and where one ends. Balance.

Neuroscientist, Lisa Feldman Barrett (author of How Emotions are Made) tells a story of her daughter's anxiety in a martial arts competition where she was the smallest competitor in her class. Dr Feldman recounts how the instructor coached her daughter in this threatening situation. He did not invalidate her appropriate apprehension...he told her to "get your butterflies flying in formation." Brilliant. Dr Feldman Barrett's work on the theory of constructed emotion is a game changer.

It would be amazing to see a podcast with you and Chris Voss.

Thats why swimming is so soothing to me!

Organizing the thoughts, in order to figure out the problem. I am experiencing this.

Just started video so awesome your doing this subject!!! Thank you!

I take long breaths at night it really calms my anxious thoughts down as well as staying no contact from my mummy dearest 😮

Thx for the breathing tip, Sir, excellent advice, and a very nice feeling. I can give a couple of tips for sleep aiding and a-bed-ding (being punny, pardon :D) 1. Try to unplug from lighted screens about an hour before bedtime (obvious and over-prescribed, and often an unpalatable option, so never mind maybe?) or at the least, adjust the brightness down so that the lights don't trigger the brain as much. 2. Tea containing herbal blend for this purpose - there are a ton of different sleep aid teas out there, and they taste really nice with a touch of honey, and more importantly, they truly make a person feel tired. Valerian root is a good ingredient to have in there. 3. Magnesium salt bath - magnesium salt for this purpose can be found by many different brands at natural product stores. 4. Meditation and breathing exercises (obvious and over-prescribed, but truly effective) 5. Reading - this seems to work really well, but not if it's a mystery or other such story.. try Tolstoy or other classic? 6. Writing - this is an excellent way to wind down: journaling. There is no need to write anything in particular, just write about whatever comes to mind. Don't judge, re-read, or edit, just write until you feel finished. This can take off extra weight and pressure, and help to relax the mind. 7. California poppy 8. Meletonin - there are supplements and also foods with a high amount (i.e., almonds and pistachios) so a little handful of nuts about an hour before bed can help. Personally, I feel a consistent routine of combining these or any of these, along with any other tips that work for a person, can be a strong approach to conquering insomnia without drugs. A well rounded consistent routine encouraging of sleep can indicate to the body that it's time to start shutting down for the night. A body responds to patterns and routines very well. Showing the body that its loved and tended to in these gentle ways, with the intention of rest and sleep, can sort-of 'train' it to consistently respond, after a time. If a person is weaning off pharmaceutical drugs, various cannabis products are a go-to in the short term. There are many products made for aid in sleeping: try to get the organic and/or small company brands if possible. This can be a good substitute in the short term to get off of harmful pharmaceuticals. There are many oils and tinctures, no need to smoke it as you get a lot more of the excellent properties by orally ingesting. Sweet dreams

Loved this all so much ❤️‍🩹🙏💗

It almost made me cry to think about the physiological sigh.

Makes a lot of sense…I don’t think I’ve ever felt envy maybe brain confusion and a lot of shock

Your explanations are very helpful

Thank you Richard 🙏❤️

Hmm this is super helpful. Yes I feel all of these things lol was just dwelling on it.

Excellent. Thank you I am grateful

35:12..on point..Still working on making new memories.

Divine appointment for exponential growth.

great demo of a nervous system regulation

59:02 "how to cope with a narcissistic family?" Destroy your own soul, crush your personality down to nothing and become a groveling worm who only exists as a disposable prop in the life of another person. If that doesn't sound like the life you want, dont cope with narcissists.

You don’t want to make people feel like they’re hurting you for being themselves or who they are

haha I loved that bit about disorders being adaptive :D I think so too

So grateful ❤🎉

I was just lost ruminating and flasbacking because I've had ppl close to me ignore attempted sexual assaul/unwanted advances towards me and continue to befriend those people.... just had a situation arise that brought all that up. Suddenly feel anxious, betrayal, even rage. Yes, it's OK :) Yes to be grateful, acknowledge usefulness, and yet disconnect and understand it is the past...and also a signal of potential dangers, or at least whose judgement I can trust and whose I should be wary of. lol I was feeling quite lost thanks.

Thank you!

Huberman is the best!

I had a.few good laughs. I enjoyed the cheering on to just be this human being.

It’s used in somatic experiencing- yes very helpful . As is the Voo breath

35:51 I love the response I get when i tell my mother about things that can turn me violent to the point of murdering her in cold blood. And her reponse is just "get over it". I tell her the story about how I went to work and found out someone literaly ate the cheese off of my bread and just put my container back into the fridge so I could go to work with sliced bread with just butter between them. We happen to be standing in ikea and I saw a super cheap fridge/freezer combo. When I told my mom I will be having that thing in my room with a chain and lock on it her response was just "You ain't doing that"(The abuse has to keep going because I need access to your food and money). and "Stop living in the past it happened move on". I understand my mother's insane and there's something wrong with her. I just don't have the capacity to go scorched earth and be alone 0 contact. I will be looking at the next year of just a non stop cycle of paying her off to leave me alone so I can have a roof above my head untill this fucked up country starts building affortable housing that isn't stolen by immigrants.

Trippy - i breath like this (on occasion 'naturally'). I call it: 'my body *sobbing* ' - - - It (actually) catches me by surprise.

Not sure what unsubscribes me from your channel; thank goodness for the emails …. Got to check them more often😅

Dr Andtew Weil's 4,7,8 breathing technique is also very helpful

My dad smashed me in the face at the age of 9 for "breathing wrong" in the back of a car - it stood out of all the abuse and I have relived that moment and others 1000's of times over my life... when you're forced to live with your abuser and smile at those same kinds of people... just so as to survive, you have no choice but to become hypersensitive to danger - or die. I spent my whole life avoiding getting killed by these kinds of FAMILY members.

And I felt massively powerless and threatened at the time and I am still enraged about it now.

This is even funner then contacting and reporting people on ebay.

The answer is he turns into a flower. The universe has spoken. Just during the live I got a package from my sister from my birthday of 50 narcississ bulbs. She thought see was sending blooming flowers. Even funnier. I got the rye humor and I got what i love most about her is her wicked sense of humor, dark humor .

Absolutely love this talk on how our traits are only maladaptive in today’s society! I have always described my condition as a tribesman stuck in a technological world. PS Pokémon is the shit, not because it was a craze but because for me it is as iconic as Mario, half-life, call of duty, elder scrolls or any other game title. It became a craze by being the first augmented reality game that kids were into. Once the kids pick it up the rest of us have permission to as-well. The game then ages with the youngest group that picks up the title. Genius in terms of marketing… 38 and still play from time to time

There have been research studies with rats and mice indicating that transgenerational transmission of trauma manifests in offspring. However, the precise mechanisms that produce the outcomes are not yet understood.

Tnx a lot😊

Hello Richard, this was a very interesting way to look at trauma. Have you heard of the Internal Family System form of therapy by Richard Schwartz? The heavyness of the past that you describe, that grips you in moments. He interprets this as `parts´, selfstates in us, that are frozen in time ( in the past) that get activated when something remsembles the past trauma. Different parts have different functions, roles, talents, ages and they all try to protect the system together. to keep us same and functioning. It is a very very good model. Maybe you have time to look into it. We can work with these parts and free them, unburden them. and heal. Thank you for your insights and work. i apprechiate it very much. Especially to put emphacise on the psychotic nature of the NPD person helped me to understand what happened and how to position myself to it, frame it in hindsight and to move on. Thank you.

This man makes my ovaries tingle. So handsome, witty and intelligent.

i like how at 29 u say ur not abandoned and then abandon us

Fuck. 20:50 to 21:25 just before introducing Adler .... 😮 yep. Totally am this exactly right here right now. More than 2 years of being awake 22 hrs in every 24. How TF am i still alive? Still a fully functioning human. Being. Doing. Employed. Eat well, live well, be well. Well, except for soooo many issues with blepharitis and vision changes and IBS and bags under my eyes and the willingness to keep going through this [woops pressed send and i aint done] keep going through all this as part of my continued healing... geezus... i was THAT co-dependent and empathetic and loving and kind and like a nurse that is off-duty and never really off-duty, dashed in and gave CPR to this lady suffering his abuse so tormentively and naively coz i was so captivated.... CRAPTIVATED instead is a better term

I went off benzo's on my own, do not recommend, go through a dr