Stop Abandoning Yourself in Relationships! Detox Your Dating Life
Рет қаралды 56,152
2 жыл бұрын🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Come See Me In Person! Workshops in US, UK: bit.ly/49rzM0Z
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Childhood PTSD can disrupt and distort the way we fall in love. It can lead us to sabotage ourselves, ruining the things we really want in life, wasting years pining away for love and getting hurt instead. In this video I respond to a letter from a 41-year-old woman, who's searching for the reason she goes for the wrong guys again and again, and I teach how to STOP abandoning yourself in relationships.
***
🟢 Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
🟢 Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
🟢 Take My Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
🟢 How I Recently Lost 27 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
🟢 Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
🟢 Learn to Heal Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
🟢 Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
🟢 Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
🔹 NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
🔹 8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD Symptoms: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
🔹 Join LIVE Webinars with My Team and Me: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
🟢 PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
🔹 Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
🔹 NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com/CCF
🔹 Try MUSE Headband to Calm Your Mind: choosemuse.com/ccf
@AllanBrunoPetersen 2 жыл бұрын
I recently made a friend, who truly loves me, for who I am -which is something I have never felt and didn't think even could exist. I feel so much stronger and finally can stop suppressing my self. Despite attempting to apply hundreds of self help videos, really feeling real love for just being me, is the one thing that really helped, and really fast too.
@madesimple101 2 жыл бұрын
Happy for you, Allan. It makes such a difference to have someone love you for you and not what you can "do" for them. It takes two healthy individuals to have a healthy relationship.
@MadAboutBrows 2 жыл бұрын
I often wonder how much I could blossom with some actual love. I've been alone for so long...no family, few friends...I'm not meant to be an island 💔
@littleiodine9480 2 жыл бұрын
I just hope you have been checking this person out for over a year. Hopefully you can still be you, and you still have no red flags after a year. Bless you.
@ananyapanda._ 2 жыл бұрын
So happy for you ❤️
@KoreaMojo 2 жыл бұрын
I'm sure they really will appreciate this too! I'm happy for you.
@anneorioni7224 2 жыл бұрын
We were abandoned as children. Let us not do that to ourselves. Let's keep ourselves safe and in this new and good road. Let's hold our little kid's hand. It's time to grow up.
@CompostWatcher 2 жыл бұрын
I didn’t know this until now, I wish I’d taken better care of myself and my finances.
@405OKCShiningOn 2 жыл бұрын
We can become our own best parents.
@tomjames7713 2 жыл бұрын
thanks for the nice and simple words of truth that strengthens us. let us not do that to ourselves. thanks, in a way we are all in this together. before finding this family it was all on me to endure and try to figure out and come to terms with. so, yeah in a big way for me your words are encouragement.
@LateshaRenee 2 жыл бұрын
This!
@ACRUZ-xw9qe Жыл бұрын
You're right. This touched my heart and made my cry.
@rsamuels6969 2 жыл бұрын
I realized that not only was I picking men incorrectly, I had no boundaries or standards and Picked toxic female friends. I never learned as a child how to pick people that are safe. I am 36 and am learning now- it has been such an incredible journey. I look forward to dating now with this new awareness. While I don’t have many female friends I am now making sure the relationships I cultivate are healthy.
@cereal_qilla 2 жыл бұрын
This is SO well said. Learning how to pick people that are safe, that make you feel safe.
@sereneboon4890 Жыл бұрын
Amen 🙏
@venomousbluefrog Жыл бұрын
Some people are really uncomfortable with the idea that you should "pick" people, but especially if you have trauma in your past it's better to be deliberate and intentional about who you let into your life.
@skyejacques Жыл бұрын
I can totally identify with your share about romantic partnerships and friendships. For me, the loneliness keeps me looking for people and for some reason, although I live in a huge metropolis, only have two friends who don't even live in the same city that I do. The others I met, including one beautiful man, not compatible emotionally or spiritually and I have had to let them go because my spirit and body keep rejecting them! Have to heal the mother wound for myself, then I'll be content with myself and not need others the way I currently do
@Rareprune Жыл бұрын
“Sitting on a throne, not chasing a wild animal” - that just hit home for me. That’s exactly what I have been doing with the OBVIOUSLY avoidant man I have been seeing. All the red flags were there from the very beginning but I just kept lying to myself saying I was just being paranoid and even though my body has been blaring the alarms! Debilitating anxiety, panic attacks, depression. That’s not love! It’s trauma. Nope. ENOUGH! Thank you, fairy. I’m getting back on my throne. I am worthy of love.
@tomtbi 2 жыл бұрын
I actually like the lack of drama being single ..
@annicks7385 2 жыл бұрын
This applies in friendships as well! When I realize that someone is unavailable and using me as a part time filler when they are bored , I remove myself from the situationship . I’m not going to be on the back burner until people feel bored and want to pop up.
@jbela 2 жыл бұрын
Yes,and when they want to spend time with you it's because they want to talk about their relationship with their significant other!
@annetterubin8821 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you! I see how i have been accepting this type of behavior from people so as not to be alone(abandoned), all my life. Ready to choose myself!
@MadAboutBrows 2 жыл бұрын
I know we all have lives, and life can be chaotic, but lately I've been meeting people who bring constant chaos, and/or are completely unreliable. While I live on wheels, that type of energy isn't for me.
@KoreaMojo 2 жыл бұрын
Good for you. It's a shame people really are missing out. A good relationship of any style is priceless and worth innumerable shallow ones.
@tomtbi 2 жыл бұрын
I have learned from experience that it usually is not a good thing to put someone on a pedestal...... It leads to massive disappointment...
@beccabean5770 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, so true
@dianadeane9233 2 жыл бұрын
I think hearing the phrase “eroticised longing” might turn out to be really important to me. Thank you xx
@northofyou33 2 жыл бұрын
Same here! "Eroticized longing" is something I am very experienced with, and yet never thought of before. It's a perfet despcrition and an eye-opener.
@zebrastripes3786 2 жыл бұрын
At least Amelia is just 41,I’m turning 50 next month and wasted my whole adult life with men like these. Last one just dumped me 2 weeks ago and I’m going through the withdrawal symptoms from trauma bond..so painful.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
More good years ahead, if you can change now!
@cayad2591 2 жыл бұрын
@Zebra stripes I'm 54 and lost 14 years with a covert narcissist (ok not officially diagnosed but so many of the signs). we broke up in May of this year and I was reeling from being completely blindsided. we fixed up my family home. my money, much of his manual labor. 1 week before we were set to move in he bailed on me. i had used 2/3rds of all the money i had with the promise that he was going to take care of me. sorry i unloaded all that just now. the real point is that we are here so we are moving in the right direction. i think we're gonna be ok. hang in there and be kind to yourself, love yourself like you'd want your partner to. ❤️💕
@zebrastripes3786 2 жыл бұрын
@@cayad2591 oh no,you can unload,actually helps make sense of this craziness talking to others that have been through the same. I was married for 16yrs to a narcissist too and pretty sure I was a securely attached person before that. But yes you are right,better late than never. Thanks for sharing,hoping we get through this.
@jasmineetienne3361 2 жыл бұрын
Same here, almost 50. Left by thé mother in early childhood, married to an abusive violent m'en . Hé left.Took our children . Raised by m'y unavailable father as m'y own kids are raised by theirs . When I try to have a non dépendent relationship, a healthy one. They all endos thé same: they left. Left by a married man a month ago without a word. Without a word. This IS what hurts thé most no explanatipn. But this Time I forced myself nòt to Ask for closure. No explanation needed. Just want to bé alone , nòt for the reste of m'y life but By Now . Felt traumatized.
@cayad2591 2 жыл бұрын
@@zebrastripes3786 thank you so much! yes, since we're here on Anna's channel that means we are looking for answers and i have to believe that when we are trying to change things that means means we are on the right path and that we will succeed. we got this. 💪💕❤️
@buckwheatINtheCity 2 жыл бұрын
Selfish parents don't even consider how they damage their kids in the long run while they put themselves and their interests first.
@bettywinberry8046 2 жыл бұрын
Unrequited love is the worst. My dad committed suicide when I was two. I began " yearning" for the 5 year old boy across the street when I was three. I would sit and feel so sad that he didnt notice me. I have been yearning for the wrong people ever since. I am 65 and going through a divorce from a mean hot tempered man that constantly accused me of doing things I never did. I am still yearning for him though. Thank you so much for your videos.
@jupiterscorner5423 2 жыл бұрын
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@queenr.480 2 жыл бұрын
❤️
@tinydanceryoutube 2 жыл бұрын
I related so much to "Amelia's" story. Only my mom emotionally checked out yet was physically there and super neglectful. Dad escaped to the reck room with a 5th every night and couldn't be bothered with me. Once he paid me $100 to "just go upstairs", he said I was interrupting his tv show. I was 11. I, too, fantasized of having this living family where I felt loved too. Thanks for your advice. I'm not near where a lot of these people commenting here are growth wise but I have learned to love myself more and I'm crossing the bridge of learning how to be there for myself. Co-dependency is a huge issue for me. I wish you'd speak on that too, Ann. Thank you.
@withrowchelsinormanfzwicke4615 2 жыл бұрын
Please be careful of people who will take advantage of you at peer support groups.Some people attend peer support groups to use "damaged " people like us. I know by experience
@jenniferlynn3721 Жыл бұрын
I literally just connected the abandonment wound to my relationship with my mother I thought the same thing , that my wound was tied to my father. The little girl in me was screaming for attention and I hold her close and butterfly hug her, and I tell her she is safe to heal, she is loved, she is divinely protected. So much of this was spot on for me. I realized how much I abandoned myself over the years, however I did not know I was doing that. As I continue to heal, I see much more clearly. ❤️🦋❤️
@courtneybrubaker9738 Жыл бұрын
Two books, “Mother Hunger” and “Healing the Mother Wound” explained how the lack of mothering creates a deep emotional hunger and shows in how we look for love in all the wrong places. This mother wound is the first heart break.
@DEEPCYCLEGARAGE 2 жыл бұрын
That time alone after a relationship can be tough but necessary. Mine was nothing less than multi dark nights of the soul but because of that alone time I am doing much better. One year later and I'm just starting to consider a healthy date, from my throne. THANKS CCF!
@tomtbi 2 жыл бұрын
I'm actually ok without a relationship especially with all of the bad dating experiences I have had...
@abbykendrick5748 2 жыл бұрын
Me too
@Catbooks 2 жыл бұрын
I've felt the same way, for years. But now I'm starting to feel like I really do want a romantic love partner, and am slowly making my way towards it. I'm taking my time, and continuing to heal myself in the meantime.
@katiekane5247 2 жыл бұрын
Same. I feel fortunate to have avoided another bad marriage & at 63, I can occupy my time quite well. I live with daughter & fam so I'm not isolated. Sex quits being a motivation as I've aged too. I don't miss being a slave to hormones 😂
@katiekane5247 2 жыл бұрын
@@Catbooks good luck!
@TV-fu1ec 2 жыл бұрын
Well, I was married for many years and actually loved him and being married. But, after he passed, it's been nothing very good in terms of dating. So, I would way rather be alone then being in some messed up nothingness. For now, it's about working on myself.
@jillsalkin7389 2 жыл бұрын
Anna and readers, it is amazing how I am already opening my heart to a man who does not fit the profile of men I've been with before. He is so very kind and warm, and I deserve that!!
@lunasea4309 2 жыл бұрын
Good for you Have a happy life ahead :)
@Krystal620 2 жыл бұрын
Yes you do deserve that Jill! 😃 Me too!
@amyleigh7624 2 жыл бұрын
Just on time. Divorcing an ex that not only ghosted me, but tried to get me to kill myself rather than deal with division of assets.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Holy Crap. I'm SO glad you're out of that one!
@amyleigh7624 2 жыл бұрын
This channel and Shallon Lester's are really helping me rebuild self-worth.
@katiekane5247 2 жыл бұрын
@@amyleigh7624 continue to provide your safety. I found, years later, I wasn't nearly as "crazy" with him gone. I call it my radical husbandectomy! Best to you 💙
@alisongreen7576 2 жыл бұрын
Hell...that sounds like ...hell. You say it unemotionally but it must be traumatic. Can I say two things? First- try to depersonalise it- I know it must feel very personal, but it isn't. He is likely disordered and has no empathy- he would treat anybody this way once they have failed to meet his unreasonable and/or impossible demands. He will do it again to his next partner, and again, and again. It just happens to be you this time around. Second, find a lawyer with experience of what lawyers call "HCP"s- High Conflict Personalities. It is a euphemism for "Narcissist/Borderline/Psychopath"- but it's right that lawyers use it because they aren't medical and can't diagnose people. A lawyer with training on these individuals will be a huge advantage.
@ms.anonymousinformer242 2 жыл бұрын
Oh man I know how that feels. My spouse is resisting even talking about it. And I need to get ahold of his Financials in order to even talk to attorney about legal separation. In the state we live in, I cant file for divorce unless we live in separate homes for a year. I think that is messed up because if the couple (together or seperately) can't afford to live in two different homes it only prolongs the process and makes it unbearable. To make matters worse, if I left the home then when it comes time to actually file or talk to an attorney, I am looked at as negligent and abandoning my family/children. Well it's his home and he can afford to feed them and if I took them from him they would have no home at all! Because I would be homeless. I have to go sleep outside in my vehicle just to get some peace and get away from the dis regulation and intense ptsd feelings that overcome me from being INSIDE the home that the traumatic event happened in , that He is being insensitive about.
@randiwin6034 2 жыл бұрын
I’ve gone NC but I cry everyday. Its been 1 1/2 months. I will stop talking about him. Thanks.
@CC-xn5xi 2 жыл бұрын
The person who leaves a marriage can be saving themself rather than abandoning the child. It's like being on a crashing airplane. An adult can put their oxygen mask on first. Hopefully parent/child bonds can be preserved....but I'm not sure our parents should martyr themselves by staying in miserable marriages. It's complex.
@alisongreen7576 2 жыл бұрын
Just ...nope. I don't believe in staying in a bad marriage but when you have children, they have to come first. It is a disaster to abandon children, it can never be justified. If a spouse is damaging your mental health as an adult, how can a child survive that same onslaught alone with them? Even if you have no place to go, take your kids with you.
@CC-xn5xi 2 жыл бұрын
@@alisongreen7576 A bad spouse can be an adequate parent. And I don't advocate abandoning kids. I've simply noticed that situations can be more complicated than I can imagine.
@alisongreen7576 2 жыл бұрын
@@CC-xn5xi I don't agree with that. If someone is impossible as a spouse they will be inadequate as a parent. Part of parenting is to model to children how to work out problems in relationships. If your spouse can't do that, they can't be an adequate parent. I think it only gets "complicated" when you refuse to accept this reality. If your spouse isn't good enough for you, he or she isn't good enough for your kids. If your spouse is a good person and a good parent, but you still want to break up the marriage, you should maybe be having a long hard look at why. Occasionally, people genuinely grow apart- it's rare- but that should be a mutual thing where a divorce can be worked out and shared parenting arranged so that the kids don't feel abandoned by either parent. "It's complicated" generally translates as "I don't want to do the hard work involved in making good choices here".
@CC-xn5xi 2 жыл бұрын
@@alisongreen7576 I disagree. If a spouse isn't a good spouse, that person can be an adequate parent. As for modeling a healthy marriage, an unhealthy marriage must be escaped before there can be a healthy marriage. Not to mention single parents. It takes 2 to have a good marriage and only 1 to destroy the marriage. In some cases, one parent does the hard work to make the necessary choice to leave the marriage. It sounds like you have a " correct " view about how things should be....but no real life experience of what I'm talking about.
@alisongreen7576 2 жыл бұрын
@@CC-xn5xi because you assume anyone with real life experience would agree with you? That's convenient isn't it? your view must be the "correct" one because you have the experience? Dead wrong, as it happens- I had a father who bailed out when it was easy (he had been secured a job in a foreign country, and found a mistress there), leaving me with my narcissistic mother in full knowledge of our mutual loathing. But he was just "putting his oxygen mask on first" right? And making all the hard choices about ending the marriage? With a whole new life and a shiny new relationship very far from where any of the fall-out could reach him, I'm sure that choice was very hard indeed. And single parents? They can't model how to do marriage which is a disadvantage for children, although that deficit can be made up by the children seeing other good marriages in their extended family or amongst family friends. You insist bad spouses can be good parents but give no reasons- repeating an assertion doesn't make it true.
@elenigalani4885 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for being so honest in explaining how difficult being alone following trauma bond can feel. This video resonated with me. I totally understand. I wish you the best of luck, Amelia. Ultimately we choose ourselves. Ultimate we choose (real) life
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Yes. I hope she stays in touch and lets us know how she's doing!
@MsTwiggy28 Жыл бұрын
You're better than most therapists
@staleydu1 2 жыл бұрын
This applies not just in dating relationships, but in marriage. And I have found that trying to find my voice now, and I've been married for 29 years, comes with a great deal of pushback.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
You are so right!
@kevinbissinger 2 жыл бұрын
Especially because your partner is going to feel like you've been lying to them for 30 years and suddenly moving the goalposts
@patty100ch 2 жыл бұрын
Codependents lose themselves in an unhealthy relationship. They don’t have clear boundaries and let the more narcissistic partner tell them how to be. Set your boundaries with a narcissist and see how the relationship easily crumbles down, and you’ll know you’re the only one who wants the relationship to work.
@ms.anonymousinformer242 2 жыл бұрын
@@patty100ch I am going through that with my husband of 21 yrs and counting. I want out and desperately need to move out too for my sanity. But me not being in the home, will make me look like the villain to my kids. If I leave. So instead I still look like thr bad guy bc I can barely get through the day without a constant scowl look on my face (from feeling so depressed and stuck in my situation wanting to leave)or just out right bursting into tears from the overwhelming daily stress of living a life I don't want to live.
@alicephoenixpoetryjournal9062 2 жыл бұрын
"I just wanted peace"😢 yes!
@annicks7385 2 жыл бұрын
I would also like to add , the dad may not be as nice as he seems . This situation happened to me . My eldest daughter ended up going to live with my ex husband . He was constantly reducing the money and time he gave towards her. And it left me in a bad situation. I started to be bitter and exhausted . Being a single mom Is traumatic . Especially after being abandoned by your own parents . He and his new wife played this “im so holy “ game to make my daughter yearn for them. They had more money and resources overall and my daughter eventually disrespected me to go to them . My daughter told me all of the bad things they would say about me in her presence . The abandonment comments needs further evaluation because many times the men “force” the woman’s hand by playing manipulation games .
@ShintogaDeathAngel 2 жыл бұрын
I have to agree with this - women who are treated badly still tend to end up being demonised and the guy vindicated, because hey, she drove him to treat her like shit. Not saying that’s definitely what’s going on here, and the genders can be reversed too, but it’s a dynamic that so often gets (wilfully) ignored.
@ms.anonymousinformer242 2 жыл бұрын
I'm in a situation right now I am seriously considering moving out and having to leave the kids behind (since he isn't physically or sexually abusive that I know of) with him because I want them to have a comfortable home and not be home less along with me ! Because I AM putting them first. I gave so much of myself over the last 21yrs hoping and waiting things would get better. But they didnt. I just kept being treated like the villain the crazy one. And now it feels like I am going crazy from PTSD and getting out of that house feels like the only way to regain my sanity even if it means becoming homeless, vilified and made to look like I am abandoning my kids 😥😣 .
@ladybluelotus 2 жыл бұрын
Agreed! I went through a similar situation, but I refused to leave the kids. However, mine were much older so that made the transition much easier. Still difficult but certainly easier than it would have been with a 2 year old.
@fanmar8723 2 жыл бұрын
if you can forgive your mother for leaving, it was probably not safe for her. It was probably hard for her too, My mother was not the best and still is not, so I still apply boundaries to protect myself but since I forgave her I noticed a good change in myself.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
That's great! -Cara@TeamFairy
@justinaadk5081 2 жыл бұрын
Wow boundaries for parents, I think I need that and I need to enforce them too.
@teres1523 Жыл бұрын
I would love more videos of how a healthy relationship supposed to feel like. I just love to hear how you explain it. Is sweet and kind and respectful and hopeful.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
I'll pass this video suggestion along to Anna. Thanks for supporting the channel. - Ashley, Team Fairy
@janessah.2534 2 жыл бұрын
This one hit me square in the chest! Thank you Anna for another amazing video... I'm literally in a very similar situation to the writer. Same age and also abandoned (by father) at age 2. And I developed horrible Crohn's at the age 13... my life has dramatically been affected. I also go after "fantasy" relationships where I romanticize people into something bigger than they are. Wonderful insights in this video!
@alisonschmitt9533 2 жыл бұрын
I’m at the stage where I’m not accepting these unavailable men into my life anymore. The question is, where is the man I really want? I do feel fear that I’ll simply be without the terrible guys - which is great and empowering btw - but not find the right relationship. The time ticks by. I haven’t found him yet. The aloneness is... not what I want.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
I'm glad you aren't taking bread crumbs. Feeling alone is hard, fill up those places with rich relationships and your world and relationships will change! If you need the structure, our members are connecting and healing together :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Cara@TeamFairy
@tomtbi 2 жыл бұрын
My issues with PTSD probably explain my lousy experiences with dating...
@azcactusflower1 2 жыл бұрын
Wow, hit me with this video sooo many golden nuggets...Will rewatch again. Parents divorced at 6...mother worked seven days a week to raise the last 2 kids out 6. Survival is common family theme versus emotional connection. I've chosen to remain single for 15 years. Walking with someone in life would be beautiful and I'm not settling for less than healthy
@queeniecc6262 2 жыл бұрын
Just this one time is what Alcoholic's say. Just take a day at a time for Romantic Detox
@chillcreep4926 2 жыл бұрын
I'm not ready to give up the things that are making me sick.. but I will be, in a few years. Maybe. Then again, sometimes I think I'll never function right in a healthy relationship because I don't know what those look like, and thus I'm better off keeping things casual or being single..
@lunasea4309 2 жыл бұрын
1) Tough love to you baby timestamp 10:45 , 13:30 2) Do the exercise to write down your ideal relationship. 3) Read and educate yourself on whatever you don't know, including what is healthy in a relationship. 4) And hug yourself tightly for me. P. S you're not alone feeling this way we all feel this way from time to time but it's important to keep doing the right thing whatever the state of mind we are in, this feeling will pass and what will be left is what we have created so choose the right action and just focus on ticking the to-dos.
@hwilder111 2 жыл бұрын
talk about perfect timing..... this exactly describes me.. along with the auto immune health issues for 35 + years..... just went through an off and on again "fake" relationship which destroys me each time. Thank you, for your videos.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
You're welcome!
@Etsumirsha 2 жыл бұрын
Holy hell I feel like I wrote this letter - parents that used me as a marriage counselor, father that turned heads when he was young, getting along great with parent figures NOW but still dating a string of emotionally unavailable extremely attractive men. I'm saving this video in my favorites. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy, these videos are a godsend.
@penelopepivots3156 2 жыл бұрын
Sending Love to Amelia!💞 she will break through, not break down! Love is nourishment, we can't make a meal out of crumbs!!! I'm so thankful for this tribe!💖
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for your kindness to all!
@ann-gelaholloway 2 жыл бұрын
Wow! Her story is so similar to mine except for the fact that my stepmom ignores me too. We’ve never had a relationship. So, instead of having 3 parents-I felt as though I had zero. Anna, Your work is a God send. I have never felt so seen in my life.
@houndmother2398 2 жыл бұрын
I've done this, which is why I stopped getting into relationships. I abandon myself.
@CV-ix8ls 2 жыл бұрын
I’ve been done with dating for quite some time. It’s exhausting and it distracts me from what I need to accomplish in my life. Although it would be nice to find that “home” feeling again.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
If it's exhausting and distracting it's not the right time but you'll get there if a relationship is what you want :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@test1test219 2 жыл бұрын
Men are to blame for this too. They tell you they don’t want you but do things that can be construed as if they do, gaslight you about it, and STILL not let you go. They keep coming back to tell you they don’t want you while at the same time needing validation you still want them. Pulling and pushing you over and over.
@LizzyAnn_Comedy 2 жыл бұрын
💯
@SSCCGL-ph9eb Жыл бұрын
True
@SSCCGL-ph9eb Жыл бұрын
Men and women both can do this
@GoldSkye Жыл бұрын
Thinking like this is the exact opposite of what Anna is saying. Taking ownership of ourselves means vetting and holding standards.
@brandonpowelson8329 3 ай бұрын
I did this. It’s called being an avoidant. Something that gets triggered due to complex trauma. The men that do this are scared to have their independence taken from them since that is all that they know and trust. Is their own independence. It doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. I subconsciously fell into this for a year and destroyed my relationship all while thinking that I was doing what I wanted. What was happening was I was in survival mode and was subconsciously pushing her out of my life all while confusing myself with my own insecurities and projections. If you can create space to the point where the man wakes up and recognizes this and starts to work on himself, then I think the love can be saved. But if the girl gives up or the guys fails to recognize, then it’s a lost cause unfortunately. Sometimes like my situation, it’s too late regardless of what happens and what work the man does. I’ll be the best of me now due to my own actions, just not with her. Best of luck to ya
@tallulah2827 2 жыл бұрын
I love your videos Anna and this one really resonated with me. I'm in my early 50s, had a very crappy childhood and have major abandonment issues, which I have been working hard to understand over the last 4 years. I have found so much of your work so helpful and would completely endorse your "slow down" approach. I always used to try and hold out to 4th date to sexually connect (which I would be absolutely desperate to do), so I didn't look like a pushover. For me even the 4th date was way too early, as I didn't realise that I was using sex as a way of connecting with people. Sex is, of course, a way of connecting but what I hadn't realised is it was the only way for me because I was sub-consciously picking emotionally unavailable people as partners. (Just to be clear there is no moral judgement from me about any of this - we all have different time frames and beliefs about this aspect of relationships, I'm just saying what did and didn't work for me.) Slowing down is such an easy way to help step away from those rapidly formed damaging connections. It gives you space to see the big red flags waving - because they always do, but when you are rushing and desperate to connect you don't have time to see them. It also gives you a chance to see if that other person will step forwards towards you, which again is what healthy people do. It has changed my dating life completely and it is so straightforward. As you say, there are lots of other things to work on in tandem to this brilliant and easy technique, such as learning to love and care for yourself BUT if you do nothing else, just slowing down buys you time to find out a bit more about the intentions of the person you are dating. A big thank you from me for all of your content and very best wishes to Amelia in Australia.
@jimengchen4647 2 жыл бұрын
I’m just glad and grateful I came across ur videos at the age of 29.
@dorisw2507 2 жыл бұрын
Wow, I can relate to this so much. I'm right in the middle of it too... 2 months post breakup, it's scary and dark... But so was the relationship (objectively) we colour it with so much warmth because of the familiarity. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. ❤️
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
You are definitely not alone!
@elspethfougere9683 2 жыл бұрын
That's such a great expression for the effort we go to to bring beauty to something that is a little lacking!
@penelopepivots3156 2 жыл бұрын
Sending Love & Strength to you Doris! Keep walking!, you'll soon see the light & feel the peace for loving YOU!💖
@chrisg7795 2 жыл бұрын
Dear Anna, could you do a video on the issue of making women friends, that you are mentioning in the video? I’m so glad you mentioned it, I have that issue, too, and there’s another comment somewhere here who confirms it as well. Would you recommend to Amelia (and those of us, including me, who are dealing with the same kind of struggle) to start with your dating and relationship program or with sth else? I find that the cognitive understanding of myself as a real person is there but the emotional understanding is hard.
@anxietyhealing 2 жыл бұрын
It took me a long time to feel comfortable stating my needs but it's so important. Great video.
@purr181 2 жыл бұрын
Can u make a video on surviving work? I work in sales and can only make it around 3 hours before I'm overwhelmed and by 8 hours, I'm so emotionally burnt that I want to sleep for multiple days... 😣 How am I supposed to do this every day for the next few decades?
@AmitRoy-mx2vu 2 жыл бұрын
You maybe introverted. Is it possible for you to get out of sales?
@godzillamanstreb524 2 жыл бұрын
That 1st line......warp our falling in love.....so true & painful 💔
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
I know. Healing is possible!
@godzillamanstreb524 2 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I hope so....I tend to lose myself & then completely chase the guy away....it’s so stupid - what should I do to change this? Your dating course??
@queen_of_flatulence 2 жыл бұрын
I'm too scared to even start dating
@tomjames7713 2 жыл бұрын
you know its funny that shes telling and introducing a form or method of dating that i would consider old school or old fashioned. i guess we as society have gotten so loose and carefree about meeting and hooking up that the concept of courting isnt even in our vocab. i just see it as ironic that this great advice from miss anna is things a grandma or grandpa would have said back in the day. i know i would have benefitted greatly if given this advice as a teen. any parental advice would have been helpful. well, score one for old fashioned.
@rlee6052 2 жыл бұрын
Yes true its the lost wisdom of the bible that used to be more commonplace in American culture
@tomjames7713 2 жыл бұрын
@@rlee6052 true true, i have found much wisdom in the bible. i try to compare it to mainstream ideas as my guidepost. you also know its the great compass.
@Edelwiess1066 2 жыл бұрын
@@rlee6052 The system imposed by the jews is not the origin. We had complex and moral societies prior and we will again. Flush the jew god down the memory hole and become strengthened in your own right
@TimTheEnchanter0 Жыл бұрын
@@rlee6052 standards existed before xianity
@annekenney6914 2 жыл бұрын
Don't accept table scraps.
@thisorthattarot 2 жыл бұрын
"Hold the concept of themselves sitting on a throne," love this part
@elspethfougere9683 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Anna, this is very comforting
@HarleenMokha 2 жыл бұрын
Best and most useful video in a very long time!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Could you please do a video on why in cases like this women have difficult relationships with other women?
@annicks7385 2 жыл бұрын
That would be amazing as a video !
@michellet796 2 жыл бұрын
I didn't really connect that until Anna said that about friendships with women but it's true for me as well. I've always felt like women I've tried to be friends with either look at me as inferior or are in some kind of weird competition that I don't get. I'd like to understand this as well.
@sarathephoenix7051 2 жыл бұрын
Yep hit me hard... Thanks for reading her letter. It gives some food for thought.
@rebeccarich7112 2 жыл бұрын
I wish I had come across someone like you 10 years ago and who knows where life could have taken me. At least you’re here now, thank you for helping us see clearly and move forward in our lives
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Glad that you're here. Thank you for watching! - Ashley, Team Fairy
@susantower 2 жыл бұрын
Bless you. Your channel has helped me so much. Thank you so much for these discussions.
@pialaulund8317 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks. Never heard about the part with female Friends. I always wondered. It does however get better
@reneejoseph5030 Жыл бұрын
I needed to see this today. Thank you for sharing
@xander423 2 жыл бұрын
Thankyou for your content , I have added your videos to my toolbox of education , resources and ideas to help myself heal. I cannot thankyou enough for sharing your life experience. It has helped me understand myself and forgive myself. Sending lots of positive vibes. E
@MM-tz3fc 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for making these videos 🙏 they help me understand what the heck younger me was thinking 😅 and keep me mindful for my next relationship
@katiekane5247 2 жыл бұрын
I recently watched a talk between Dr. Gabor Mate' & Joe Polish that blew me away. It talked about how illnesses, physical & emotional, stem from brain connections formed or atrophied, in our first years. It's worth a listen. I hope "Amelia" can get to where she can start to understand how bad it might have been to have to leave a child. Empathy for her mom will go a long way towards healing. Could be, her mom faced tough choices as well. Perhaps, financial support was used as a bribe, maybe Dad was not such a nice guy during the divorce. As we get older, we see more deeply into our parents as damaged people too.
@annicks7385 2 жыл бұрын
My ex husband did this to me . Because I demanded financial support he stopped giving physical support to my first daughter . I struggled for some time . And finally gave her to him . Which is what he always wanted , control . My daughter was very angry with me for some time , but she seems to have a better understanding of my decisions since she saw the various ways I was being abused . The word abandonment is used so vaguely . We don’t know what the mother went through .
@katiekane5247 2 жыл бұрын
@@annicks7385 A terrible choice to be faced with! My ex did similar & manipulated my daughter to live with him during the time my mom was dying. She spent her teens with him. He got her hooked on meth, saying " if I treat her like an adult, she'll act like one". I had been using dope back then too. My insistence on quitting is what broke the marriage. Thankfully, I didn't commit suicide, my daughter survived & got clean 7 years ago. I live with her, SIL & 15 year old grandson. We have a stable & loving home. The ex lives with his mom in another state. It's his hope to inherit something of value from her. Bless you sister, I don't feel so alone when I read comments such as yours. At 63, I'm trying every day to work on my issues & quit blaming/assigning them to others 💙
@rashmisharma3830 Жыл бұрын
I am grateful for you and your video. Thank you for this video
@beccabean5770 2 жыл бұрын
Gathering information and observing. I like that.
@coraliemangin1175 Жыл бұрын
I have decided to spend this entire year without dating and "romantic" relationships. I could see my patern and being unable to break it so I realized that I needed time to kinda clean myself from this drug. It is not super easy to do that. I don't miss sex or affection, I have friends around and I look so cute that everyone wants to hug me (I enjoy that). But a tiny voice in my head is worried. She says "what if we never date again and end up alone? What if this is the very end of it all?" All I can tell this voice right now is : I prefer ending up completely alone than to be in a abusive relationship again. I prefer being this wierd single lady with loads of cats than being the girl I was. I don't have much hope for my love life for now. I don't really think I can be a good girlfriend to anyone. On the other end, I kinda know that I am a catch... I am good-looking, funny, smart, I care about people, I have some kind of success and I create my own work... So, not that bad right? I also am very conscious of my issues and I work on them. But... I also think that I am too broken to love properly. And I think sometimes that guys my age are in relationships or they are the worst. I see men my age with babies and I tell myself : it's OK, you don't need any of it anyway. It's wierd how we can have two parts of us fighting to be right. One who believes we can be healthy and one who wants to be the victim for ever.
@ignatiusequality9239 2 жыл бұрын
Im cheering for your success, Amelia!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Yes! -Cara@TeamFairy
@shannonscruggs-allen3607 2 жыл бұрын
Anna, you are such a blessing to me. Thank you. 🙏🕉️🙏
@tarothijadevenus4017 2 жыл бұрын
This information has so much insightful for me… thank you 😊🙏🏻❤️
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for listening! -Cara@TeamFairy
@habileb 2 жыл бұрын
This is almost 100% my exact story, only I'm 38 and my mom left when I was 3. And then I had an incredibly abusive stepmother added to the mix...
@marlynsantos9677 Жыл бұрын
Wow, I just kept listening to this video and taking notes over and over again. It resonated so deeply, especially the high octane trauma bonding type of toxic relationships that I've always longed for. Fascinating how it makes such perfect sense. I'm finally on my detox after a very dark 2022 even with a therapist and I finally have relief and a spark of hope for the future. These videos are simply amazing. Thanks Anna!
@chrissymcwain363 2 жыл бұрын
I love your videos so much! Thank you for sharing all that you’ve learned on your journey. I’m not sure if you know how significant they are in others lives. Thank you so much for the insight & education that you share. It’s making a difference in my life ❤️
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Appreciate the support for Anna's work! -Cara@TeamFairy
@josephsmom3373 2 жыл бұрын
Witnessing you. This resonates with me.
@laylam4241 2 жыл бұрын
Excellent video, thank you for your love ❤
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you too!
@jeannekelly5198 2 жыл бұрын
Powerful!
@KateOBrienMMEd 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your help!
@kintuinka Жыл бұрын
My story is very similar. I grew in the middle of the war between my parents. Thank you fairy. I hope i still have a fix
@areacode3816 2 жыл бұрын
For me my cptsd dating experience is different and I wonder if it is common among men. I also at one time chased women who on a unaware level I thought was unavailable. The difference I can not for anything.even meet anyone. I have had friends suggest 'what I am doing wrong' spent money on dating sites. Nothing ever works. When I was a mess I get it. Now though overall I am pretty stable with less baggage than most my age, yet it is difficult...near impossible for me to even meet anyone to even go on a date with. Im ok being alone..but deep down part of me needs to feel accepted 'normal' as a human in this aspect of life. It really is the last part of cptsd Im still at level 1 with. Society makes it worse with all the insults about geeks, nerds, incels...when the only thing wrong with me was a bad start at things. It is a looping issue that triggers dis regulation.
@susanrobertson984 2 жыл бұрын
Yep. That is me only female.
@areacode3816 2 жыл бұрын
@@susanrobertson984 thing I love the most about this channel it has put a name to what is going on. Before I just felt no one got it or understood totally. Your message helps. Thank you. To know this is part of what is going on and its normal. I have always felt alone in these issues.
@susanrobertson984 2 жыл бұрын
@@areacode3816 I totally agree. It is nice to feel like a normie with someone!!
@alisongreen7576 2 жыл бұрын
Dating sites are shark pools filled with lies and predators- male and female- they were better 10-15 years ago but have deteriorated- just like social media- the ratio of truth to fantasy has reversed. Now this is going to sound terribly old fashioned but the answer is to physically put yourself in places where single women are- not bars and nightclubs but group activities- a book club, a walking group, a dance class, maybe even local singles groups that organise physical meet ups like a group meal in a restaurant. Some churches/synagogues/temples/mosques even have groups for singles. Maybe you will meet more genuine women and maybe you are just not "hot" on line but much more attractive in real life?
@chantalsimonetto2667 2 жыл бұрын
I love your show!💞
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks!
@user-yk9sk7pg6v 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks ANNA
@veronikachilds 2 жыл бұрын
Wow this is such a powerful video. I find it very interesting that although Amelia and I had very different types of trauma. The feeling of abandonment, of not feeling real remains the same. We were at similar stages in development when the trauma happened so perhaps that is why it feels so similar. Amelia's letter and your response hit me in a very deep way. Seriously, I had to rewind it time and time again because I kept dissociating. Intense. But in a good way. I feel for Amelia because that longing is painful. And it makes me wonder if that's why despite being in a long term relationship I don't ever really feel love. I mean I know logically there is love and caring but it doesn't feel like it penetrates the walls I have built around my heart. I am not even sure if that makes sense and I probably should have put this all in an email but oh well, I'm pretty open about my history. LOL . This video is really making me reflect on what would help me feel "real". I am fortunate to have found a wonderful man and although we have our issues we have been married for 17 years and have 3 kids and like I said I know the love is there. The problem that I face is that emotionally, I don't feel like I am a part of that. At least not really. I wonder if this is why. The lack of validation as a child and abandonment a number times (interestingly enough I never really considered those "trauma", I used to think I had bigger fish to fry but now I wonder if this is at the core of some of those deeply held beliefs . Heck even typing this out I could feel it triggering something. Mindblowing.
@ivory3908 2 жыл бұрын
Wow you out the cab light into perspective! Before Buddha Dharma meditation I struggled with my own emotions therefore struggled with Gaging others. Great content and has grown me so much getting past my separation with child’s father. TY. I’d also love to hear a letter with similar content ^^
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
You could write it :) hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com -Cara@TeamFairy
@nancycavazos183 Жыл бұрын
Wow I’ve only listened 8:42 minutes into the video and I can already relate with her trauma with her parents especially mom. ♥️♥️
@shaanz2.087 2 жыл бұрын
Super good❤️❤️❤️❤️
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Glad you think so! -Cara@TeamFairy
@mariarasmussen4951 2 жыл бұрын
@the crappy childhoodfairy can you please talk more about the “longing” type woman in dating and also why these types women often are not a girls’ girl, i.e. why she often do not have a lot of female friends? Asking for a friend 😜
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Great topic idea!!! Can you write it to hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and write 'topic suggestion' in subject line? -Cara@TeamFairy
@rosierb852 2 жыл бұрын
Domestic Abuse is really bad in Australia. I'm from the states and end up here do to my narcissist ex. My therapist told me that's horrible here they can't keep up with the demands..
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Ooof, I had no idea -Cara@TeamFairy
@crystalclarehealing6464 2 жыл бұрын
Can you make a video talking about when both partners have CPTSD?
@christopherhylanbutler5339 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks
@Shanajapapaya Жыл бұрын
You've come into my life at such a good time. Just this morning I was sobbing to my therapist that I'm so frustrated that I'm so hungry but everything good on the menu will give me food poisoning, while all the rest is simply inedible....And I'm so hungy!!!! (food being men, of course :D ) Seriously though, can you recommend some books? Can you write a book yourself? You have been SO on point, and much more valuable than my therapy.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Жыл бұрын
Yes, a book is on the way. But come take my courses! Come be part of my membership! This is how hundreds of other practice with I'm teaching, and I'm there with you!
@Shanajapapaya Жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy i am dipping my toes in the content on your website, maybe I'll get convinced to join you with a membership yes! Thanks again dear. You're really a light in my darkness at the moment 😍
@morticiasunshine1402 2 жыл бұрын
Oh my goodness this is interesting
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for listening! -Cara@TeamFairy
@amac2573 2 жыл бұрын
How is the best way to handle being around and boundaries with someone who also is suffering CPTSD but seems to be dependent and expecting that I am going to hang around to help and support them. They have made a couple of red flag comments such has 'I couldn't do this without you' and 'You don't need to do anything, just be there.' We work on the same team together and I am seeing signs that they may be looking for someone to 'rescue' them or that could be my assumption and anxiety. I have made the mistake of trying to 'rescue' people before. It resulted in me feeling drained, overwhelmed and losing my sense of self.
@Iquey 2 жыл бұрын
Ugh! I just want to give Amelia a shake and a hug! Don't be a side piece Amelia!!!!!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
She's working on it!
@jordang8317 2 жыл бұрын
How do you actually get yourself to the place emotionally where you can manage to let go of that person though? Knowing they are bad for you and that it's not going to lead to the committed relationship you want isn't enough (personally). Trying to regulate my emotions and exercise will power and reminding myself its not leading to what I want isn't sufficient--that only works for a little while. It hurts too much to lose a person I care about (none of them have been 100% bad people; just also damaged/unavailable)
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
This is covered extensively in the Dating & Relationships course bit.ly/2KbLWB2 -Cara@TeamFairy
@buckwheatINtheCity 2 жыл бұрын
Nursing homes do a booming business. More soap operas should be made about the folks in them.
@BadassKaren 2 жыл бұрын
❤️
@SK-cy2we 2 жыл бұрын
I want that love that I couldnt get.
@gitasart 2 жыл бұрын
How does one start to love yourself when you feel like a failure in life? Rejected by ex even though they were the definition of toxic and then also dozens of job rejections. I can't seem to heal all these wounds cause they just won't go away or they just keep on coming. So lonely and feeling so rejected in every way any tips would be greatly appreciated.
@Amccm4qu 2 жыл бұрын
Start with small steps like doing nice things for yourself, pamper yourself, eat well, exercise and get enough sleep
@seizure_alert Ай бұрын
this story made me sad because i can relate
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Ай бұрын
Thank you for watching. Hope the video was helpful for you. Nika@TeamFairy
@vanshikathakur 2 жыл бұрын
❤️❤️❤️
@GrantFoxOfficial 2 жыл бұрын
Where can I send you a letter? I could really use your help
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com
@victorcalderonzamora8648 2 жыл бұрын
❣️
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Рет қаралды 89 М.
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Рет қаралды 197 М.
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Рет қаралды 200 М.
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Рет қаралды 136 М.
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Рет қаралды 89 М.