Sometimes I feel dumb for allowing myself to continue with the relationship in the beginning because there were a few red flags that I ignored because I was focusing so much on what I liked. I'm the kind of person that looks for the good in people because I know that we're all human and we make mistakes, but I didn't realize those red flags or as serious as I have turned out to be.

I had never known a narc before my husband, and I bought into everything being my fault for a very long time, because I couldn't comprehend why a person who claimed to love me would blame me if it wasn't my fault. They have a way of twisting things and confusing you, so after a while, you really don't understand what is happening, and you're too confused and ashamed to tell anyone. And after you live in that situation for a while, it becomes normalized, and you just try to keep the peace. You give up on happiness and love, and just try to survive. It changes your brain, your mind- you are not the same person anymore. Your time and thoughts become consumed with trying to figure out how to change the narc's behavior by adapting your own. But if it ever works, it never lasts. So you start over. Again and again. It's like being in a hamster wheel- you never get anywhere despite your efforts.

I was duped under the guise of Christianity....looked like a duck, quacks like a duck but it ain't a duck......ye shall know them by their fruits....yes correct you don't know what your into until you are fully engulfed in the midst of the tornado...if you have never been exposed to this insidious wicked behavior you don't have a clue....that was me..caregiving, yes emotional neediness that was me.....it is quite gratifying to find out the reasons why I was so vulnerable.....thank you for your concern and care for those of us who have been taken advantage of....

In trying to understand why I was so attracted to the man i was dating, i decided to write down all the wonderful characteristics that drew me to him. It was an extensive list! Really thought i was being rational, careful, smart. Then a friend suggested that i start another page of the characteristics I didn’t like....the red flags. There were two dozen qualities I loved about him, and ‘only’ two red flags. Guess what? Those two red flags destroyed the relationship and almost destroyed my mental health. 1. Blame. 2. Rage

I don't feel dumb for being kind, caring, and honest. I feel used for it.

They cone across as extremely kind at first...like a real Prince Charming

I have been assertive so many times. It doesn't work. He just says, I don't care what you say or feel. He goes on anyway. It's futile trying to reason with a narcissistic person. It's impossible. It's time to bail.

Can you imagine if we lived to be 200 years old? We'd actually be able to integrate without losing so much of our life to the things that we didn't have control over when we were children that send us to these videos instead of planting a garden.

Dr. Carter, I love your simplified, easy to digest talks. And your voice is so friendly and easy-going that you make a very difficult and upsetting subject feel less frightening and solvable. We really do have power- we just have to reclaim it. Thank you!

I was super innocent and naive. I sincerely thought that everyone else viewed the world the way I did. My family life was dominated by a covert narcissist and I was drawn to that dark, manipulative energy. Because of people like you, I am wiser now and am on the healing path. 😭

One thing I have noticed, is that a narcissist can't handle emotional arguments.

I binge watch the Dr. while my covert narcissist husband does his rants. He's so self obsorbed, he doesn't realize I found his kryptonite. 😂😂

Born with an abusive crazy parent. Married a control freak. Dated a narcissist. Relized I needed to get out of those situations. At 50 I'm learning how to be fully me.

i do appreciate the fact that this channel has no music intro (no fancy i-me-myself video clip w loud music etc) which is GREAT

So true. The narcissists come to you with a pre-hatched plan while you are just plain trying to form a first impression. I keep thinking I need to be wary with everyone I meet but then that is so not me and so not fun. If the narcissists always have an upper hand, so be it. They cannot pretend for long when you know the signs.

This in a way, is kind of heartbreaking to me. Someone seemingly close and special to me sadly fits all this subject matter so perfectly it’s creepy :’(

I think one of the best things that started me on my journey to breaking away from my narcissistic parents was going away to college. All the way through high school, they were always controlling my life, telling me what to believe, who my friends were, etc. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I was allowed to have a friend over. I never knew there was such a thing as boundaries because, as my past therapist put it, my immediate family was so emmeshed within each other that if one of us was to deviate from the ways of the family, it would throw everything off balance. I started college, and they wanted me home every weekend. When I told them that I couldn't since I needed access to the computers on campus to do my computer science homework, my mom actually asked me "Why do you need a computer to do computer science homework?" According to my brother, Mom was crying every night that I was away from home. I got blamed for whenever something went wrong at home. They began coming up to campus every other weekend my freshman year just to see me. While in my dorm room, Mom would straighten my already-made bed. My dad and brother would go through my things. If my roommate wasn't there, they would go through his things. When I started putting up boundaries, there was a lot of resistance, like when I started wanting the bathroom door closed at home when I was using it. It gradually tapered off with them not coming up to campus much during my other three years at college, but they still fought tooth and nail for control over my life. But I was thankfully starting down the road to my independence and breaking away from their narcissistic ways.

It's so true...wish I had heard this 14 years ago...I'm out now been 5 months narc free!! I'm still carrying the residue of his cruelty and manipulative behaviors but have regained myself love and clarity..all I can suggest is get out of their web of lies and bullshit stories!! You deserve more and they will drain you emotionally mentally and financially and most of all spiritually!! Be true to yourself and LISTEN to your gut!!!!

I would give almost anything to have discovered Dr Carter a long time ago.

I remember I would pour so much into my narc being a "good woman". I wish I knew back then that being a good woman does not leave you depleted spiritually, emotionally and financially. Never give treat a pauper like a king!