The Best Phrases and Comebacks To Disarm The Narcissist

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3 жыл бұрын

In today's video Jill explains the very best comebacks that you can use to disarm, confuse and shut down the Narcissist.
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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Пікірлер: 292

@judyscheiber3661 3 жыл бұрын

Get out of the relationship with the narc. Grey rock them. Works much better than anything you could say to them. They seek engagement and speaking to them is fueling them no matter what you say.

@eve3103 2 жыл бұрын

It literally starves them.

@khaartoumsings 2 жыл бұрын

It is true. They are a dead end and can't be changed. Their MRI scans show that they think in wrong parts of the brain and normal parts of their brain are in darkness and don't function. I do enjoy the Love Bombing...at arms length. I am shocked at how they all play by the the playbook? Such predictable manipulations straight out of the DSM5??? ; ) K

@melissahoffman9433 2 жыл бұрын

Yep they feast on the challenge fuel and seeing us rattled. Reaching the point of indifference with them aka gray rock bores and starves them and they’ll look elsewhere. Complete no contact is the best for us. 🙏🏼❤️💪🏼

@judyscheiber3661 2 жыл бұрын

@@eve3103 YES!!!!!! It works so well.

@judyscheiber3661 2 жыл бұрын

@@melissahoffman9433 Yep! The only way. NO contact.

@crabbycreates2943 2 жыл бұрын

My favorite Jack Nicholson quote: "Go sell crazy somewhere else...we're full up here." 🤣

@Brainiac1138 12 күн бұрын

Have actually used that one myself

@cherryboo65b56 3 жыл бұрын

Nothing better than ignoring a narcissist. Confused my ex all the time.

@judyscheiber3661 3 жыл бұрын

Ignoring them is the ONLY tool you need. No talking. No phraseology. Just no contact.

@jelena7440 2 жыл бұрын

@@judyscheiber3661 my thoughts exactly. These phrases don't work on anyone, maybe on workplace or neighbours who are trying to bother you with their stupid questions but not with spouses, children, siblings, boyfriend, girlfriend...it literally feeds them with anything you say.

@NikkiGRocks4Ever 7 ай бұрын

When a narcissist tries to gaslight you say this, “I disagree. You are full of crap. There is nothing you can say to convince me that I’m wrong.” Then walk away. The reaction I got. The jaw dropped. Trust me, it’s a priceless moment.

@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023 3 жыл бұрын

It’s good to have ammunition but narcissist’ s tactics are very fluid. Have these under your belt, sure, but your most powerful weapon is not showing emotion. Be aloof and neutral. Neutrality kills them!

@judyscheiber3661 2 жыл бұрын

Getting out completely is the only thing that works. Life shouldn't be an endurance contest or GAME of sorts.

@paulmetdebbie447 2 жыл бұрын

And it will kill you too.

@kimparke6653 Жыл бұрын

Good old grey rock

@Pelis_Chilangobythesea Жыл бұрын

thats exactly what a narc does. don't copy their shit, I strongly believe to show a supreme parent empathy Will slaught them all

@monkeydavefraud 8 ай бұрын

I just say yeah!!!! Yeah!!!! Yeah!!!!

@philmorrison6898 3 жыл бұрын

Use this comeback and watch a narcissist explode! I no longer place a value on your opinion of me, all I hear is blah blah chirp chirp! Then get ready to run!

@earthangel3108 3 жыл бұрын

And run fast. Just reading this made me anxious. Haha

@MrGogether3000 6 ай бұрын

Ignoring a narcissist makes them feel like you are the narcissist ..

@kristylei2439 14 күн бұрын

exactly!

@sanjanabhatia5156 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Love the asshole one. 😂 Here’s my list: 1. I don’t accept your definition of me. 2. I am sure you would see it that way. 3. I hear you. 4. I understand. 5. That’s interesting. 6. Wow. 7. I see. 8. That’s your choice. 9. You’re entitled to your opinion. 10. I’m sorry you feel that way. 11. Let’s talk about this when you are calmer. 12. This subject is off limits. 13. Guilt peddling and playing the pity card are not going to work anymore. 14. This is non negotiable. 15. I know you’re upset. 16. No thank you. 17. Yelling and threatening are not going to solve anything. 18. I don’t choose to have this conversation. 19. No (calmly) and walk away. 20. Ok. Have a nice day. And DO not internalize their toxic, untrue comments. Know who you are, stand your ground and walk away. 💞💥🌸

@abowling5759 2 жыл бұрын

😁

@ariella8787 2 жыл бұрын

NEEDED THIS!!! 🧡🧡🧡

@sanjanabhatia5156 2 жыл бұрын

@@ariella8787 🌺❤️🌺

@terrycato2670 2 жыл бұрын

How long will the calmer last? Really, the one's I know a 0-10 hours is only if you or they left for awhile!

@KK-xi5hg 2 жыл бұрын

You nailed it!! So true!!

@violetgypsie 3 жыл бұрын

They will stew in their juices and save your punishment for another time. You cannot win with these creatures. The best engagement is no engagement. As soon as I see the signs of the spoiled brat coming out I just walk away. One day I will walk away for good.

@matilda1505 2 жыл бұрын

So true !

@abowling5759 2 жыл бұрын

AMEN!!!

@joesyjojo Жыл бұрын

Defo! Defo spoilt brats!! 💜

@DEAN_23 8 ай бұрын

One that I think is a good one, is quite simply: "Duly noted"

@yasiasorbo9201 2 жыл бұрын

I luv the last one. “Opinions r like assholes everyone has one”! That’s priceless

@csh43166 2 жыл бұрын

I used to say "I think you're confusing opinions and facts..." Great video, Jill - thank you! 💕

@abowling5759 2 жыл бұрын

Great one!

@Layarion 2 жыл бұрын

ya, i say this to my wife when she tries to make something about her

@stardustsparkles22 Жыл бұрын

Love that. So clever

@eoinMB3949 2 жыл бұрын

They're vengeful, that's what I've noticed. They can't stand to "lose" or be proven wrong. They'll save that and attack at a later date.

@thomaswilkinson3468 6 ай бұрын

I just got attacked by my narcissist mother today. I’ve been ignoring her for a couple of months now and all of a sudden BAM!!!

@kmariehut7774 2 ай бұрын

So true!

@Imnotyourdoormat 3 жыл бұрын

"I have studied malignant narcissists in great detail, now every micron and nano speck of you and your types are in the textbooks for all to plainly see so you'll never gig me like a frog again, I know how you think how you feel and how you'll react so dont try it. And this is the end of us forget you ever knew my name"....works pretty good for me.

@bethlanglois9361 3 жыл бұрын

Just watch out for retaliation they won’t stand to lose and they will probably seek revenge so just watch out be steps ahead of them

@abowling5759 2 жыл бұрын

Like wearing a body cam, maybe.

@magentapyramid9245 5 ай бұрын

I was known to say to my ex, after he went off on a rant for several minutes, "Do ya wanna be an asshole? That's fine, go ahead, you don't need my help - you're doing such a great job of it all on your own."

@davidsigman324 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Jill! Welcome to my life... My comment was always ' oh, did you say something"?

@SarahMJordan 2 жыл бұрын

Love it 💖

@SoldbySharone Жыл бұрын

My favorite quote to Narcs has been “Ummm, your opinion of me is really None of my Business” and another one is “You do realize Feelings are Not Facts, Right”?… LOL😂

@kristinb5121 3 ай бұрын

One I've used before is "you don't get to rewrite history". Another after a rant is "wow, you've got a temper".

@motorcityblacksheep121 3 жыл бұрын

I remember reading that phrase “opinions are like assholes..” in Jonathon Livingston Seagull. It was perfect then and now! Thanks for the reminder 🙂

@DEAN_23 8 ай бұрын

There's an addendum to that too - "Opinions are like assholes - everybody has one, and they're usually full of...."

@joshuaanzalone2060 Жыл бұрын

Nothing is greater than ignoring them and all their drama and bs.

@jenniferdowell9002 3 жыл бұрын

Ugh learning this 14 years too late. I am still appreciative!

@4961angel 2 жыл бұрын

Its never too late. I went my entire life with a narcissist mother thinking I was broken. Now 50 years later, its like a breath of fresh air and a huge weight lifted. Now I see her

@aprilwashington3150 2 жыл бұрын

Not a f'n word. No phrases. No grey rock. Total silence. Zero eye contact. #Ignore #Block #RunForestRun 😂

@koolbeans8292 3 жыл бұрын

I’m grateful to be in a position to just say “GOODBYE!” I earned it though. And it didn’t feel good for quite some time.

@cortneyellyn3233 Жыл бұрын

"I can completely and totally accept how you feel." "Its unfortunate that you feel that way" "I'm not gonna argue with you. If you want to have this discussion you're going to have to have it with someone else. I'm not engaging with this with you. "You are entitled to your opinion"

@jornfox3545 11 ай бұрын

No comebacks are the best comebacks.

@newandoldtech5634 2 жыл бұрын

1: "Whatever" Stay silent, and let them figure out a response. 2: "Are you OK?" Stay silent, and let them figure out a response.

@hawaiigirl8089 3 жыл бұрын

Jill, i kid you not, after listening to all your videos- i feel hopeful & HAPPY ! Lol 😂 thank you 🙏🏻

@Catherine_Kate 3 жыл бұрын

Love this so much Jill 🙏🌸🌸🌷🌷💕💕 Another phrase I like to use (when a covert tries to shame my “mistakes” or life choices while revealing nothing about their own: “Hey, at least I’VE lived!” 👑

@abowling5759 2 жыл бұрын

Great one!

@ellenelias2772 2 жыл бұрын

I used to stand there with a totally blank expression say OK and walk away.

@gratefulila9980 Жыл бұрын

It all sounds like things a narcissist would say to dismiss your feelings

@mariankeller5852 7 ай бұрын

The best phrase I've used on my ex and narrcistic son when they are looking for an argument p...."" yeah..your right..thanks for pointing that out to me. "....shuts them down...

@LibraLove1717-us8qp 3 жыл бұрын

If possible leave the house and never return

@crencottrell7849 3 жыл бұрын

Happy 1st Sunday Lady J ☺😁 Narcs are pitiful once you realize how reaction seeking they are. Ignoring them/not responding back to them angers them...just like children 🙄😆

@snomad2248 2 жыл бұрын

They want a reaction, don’t give it to them. Respond with the least amount of words and as neutral as possible. Respond but don’t react. Be boring. Never wrestle with a pig, you’ll only end up covered in dirt and the pig will love it.

@skinnybear5743 2 жыл бұрын

As the Dude said in the movie The Big Lebowski "Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man."

@aziz9921 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you - very helpful and good for people who have to continue contact with the narc. Had read on Reddit, one person said to the narc, 'You hate yourself.' They never heard another word. I told the guy I was dealing with that he comes off as fraud and a con (was being nice bc he is those and more). Thankfully, never heard back from him either. Letting them know you see right through them and the illusion is their delusion, seems to work well. It's 'game over'.

@teresacotton7923 2 жыл бұрын

Funny thing is the Narc would try to use these phrases on me. The day I confronted his behavior he told me your moods are not my problem. I am only responsible for my moods. I strongly have the feeling he has either been in therapy or have looked into the topic. He was constantly In the defense mood, but whenever I tried to bring up his behavior he used these tactics against me.

@mysticamethyst1398 Жыл бұрын

So I'm not trying to stir anything up but this sounds to me like he may believe you to be the narcissist and was trying to learn how to deal with you. Do you think there may be a problem he has with you that you aren't listening to and he was tired of it??

@teresacotton7923 Жыл бұрын

@@mysticamethyst1398 NOT a Narcissist. I'm too nice.

@aidasalazar5924 Жыл бұрын

Id respond"my reaction to what u just said,did,etc is not a mood.

@Mossy-Rock 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video. Hmmm... I was thinking of a recent experience that I had with an insecure, but egregiously self-righteous, lecturing and fault-finding narcissist. Using such comebacks just supplied narcissistic fuel and enraged her further, as she was bent on having the last word. The only thing that made her go away forever, was me not responding at all. If you really want to play with their heads, give them nothing to respond to. They will go way and seek out another victim that will give them the fuel that they want.

@milkywaydragon Жыл бұрын

The narc in my life is my future Mother in law, and her enabler, Father in law. My fiance is on my side, but we cannot cut them out of our lives entirely. We see them often at family events. I'm finding this channel so so useful. Thank you.

@ohsuellen 2 жыл бұрын

I just gave "no response" because I didn't know what to say but I knew she was trying to start an argument. When she told me she was Jealous of me, I knew I was in trouble. Best Friends don't get jealous, they're happy for their friends success. Thats how I feel anyway. After finally divorcing a Narc.. I started dating a mutual friend whom she considers a brother. Thats when her true colors came out.. I didnt respond to her rage. The mutual friend and I, found true love at 60. I had to learn and grow, and let go... Thank you for all your help🌻❤

@sunnydaye5942 3 жыл бұрын

What can I say to work supervisors that say stuff????? Talk about getting baited, at work, being lied about and more.

@terrycato2670 3 жыл бұрын

If it's not right, it's right at it. They might be letting you know if you are working beside one that you have been doing their work and they are talking about you behind your back to them?

@gabrielkepiro474 Жыл бұрын

Try asking a narcissist about their own childhood. Expect a lie .but it does put them back on their heels

@grantaugustyniak6667 Жыл бұрын

My favorite one is once their done putting their 2 cents in about something or a subject- I turn around and say “ I don’t see it that way “ and then just walk away. Boom !

@anthonyorlow8850 2 жыл бұрын

I feel for you. (ouch) that gets it at its heart.

@The_Little_Red_Fox 3 ай бұрын

These are great tips for preventing an argument from escalating with a loved one - narcissist or not ❤

@MoMo-uj6xb 2 жыл бұрын

every single one of this sentences has been told to me to flip to coin and call me the pathological narcissist one (him being diagnosed a sociopath and me been in therapy for that). Nice advice..it works to disarm anyone indeed. My take on this...if someone tells you any of those sentences, just run. no conversation is happening there.

@teresarodriguez821 Жыл бұрын

My narc eldest sister and her husband pounded on my bedroom door in a rage. I locked my bedroom door and climbed out the bedroom window walked into the backyard through gate and walked down alley came to the front driveway got into my car and drove away.

@jolly7728 2 жыл бұрын

Leaving the house is best but often a major inconvenience 'cause we often gotta get dressed in our street clothes, groom ourselves, get our car keys and wallet, set any projects we were working on aside often losing our train of thought or our place, turn off the stove or oven, and so on, before we can leave. All of this takes time. And what if there are (minor) children in the house? That makes things even more complicated. Meanwhile we are vulnerable (the kids, too): the narcissist can keep attacking and provoking us. So, try to anticipate confrontations with your narc so you can be ready to leave in a heartbeat. Be sure to tell them you'll be back in an hour or in 30 minutes so they don't think you are leaving and never coming back -- to try to de-escalate the whole thing. In the end, we have to go no contact ASAP. Once things get so bad that we have to leave our house to survive the abuse, the "manipulationship" is over. Protect yourself and your children during this time.

@bmoremom8458 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, bravo Jill! It's always good to reflect their uncomfortable emotions back at them and walk away!

@alanshort2964 Жыл бұрын

Jill, thank you for your suggestions in this video. I had an older brother who was hot-tempered and intimidated me when I was young. Then, in midlife, he was convinced he could control, brain-wash and provoke me to react. He did succeed a little, but gotta say, I did use your suggestions to a certain extent successfully. Especially, the suggestion to say, "No, I don't agree and I don't want to discuss it any further"... and then get up and walk out of the room. Another method my brother used was to call me on the phone and discuss his issues-blaming with others for long periods of time. I would say, "I have to go now," but he would not stop speaking. So I repeated to him and he still did not stop -- so I said, "Bye" and hung up. Done!

@Mxslots 3 жыл бұрын

Love this video, one of the best I’ve seen , nothing like having a bit of fun with an unsuspecting narc when no contact is not an option, thanks 😊

@charliewilliams3787 2 жыл бұрын

My favorite is “ I accept how you feel,” and leave it at that 😂

@Summer_Storm 19 күн бұрын

I frequently use all of those (except the last one) and it's true: he goes nuts, disoriented and agitated, exposing himself as a narcissist experiencing hangover from my lack of engagement. It can be fun at times but more often than not it's exhausting because he'll try all the tactics in his book to get what he wants: reaction.

@anasocarras9269 3 жыл бұрын

You are amazing! My favorite and best phrase is the last one! One hundred 💯 correct 🤣❤️

@sleeperno1215 2 жыл бұрын

I like the response “So?”.

@terrycato2670 3 жыл бұрын

Mine is " It's your Lie, you can tell it anyway you want to someone else but me " Then if being called a Smartass? I politely say Thank you, Thank you very much, I'd Rather be known as a Smartass, than a Dumbshit any day. When they start the starring your every move say you have to go to the bathroom and just leave without saying anything

@cherylvincent8110 2 жыл бұрын

I have known for quite some time now that my boyfriend of 10 years is a classic narcissist. I have been living with it dealing (not really) hoping I was wrong. The more I read a watch the more I am learning. This morning I used the advice I saw the other day. To keep on saying his name when I was trying to defend myself. Which I know I should walk away but in my defense I’m still learning and it was first thing this morning. It worked. Shut him right down. Haven’t heard a word since. Now I can enjoy my day. Happy Cinco de Mayo

@iamwhatyouareyouarewhatiam6613 2 жыл бұрын

This is wonderful ! I use 1 of them i made up for myself. I was actually so proud to create it cause I always wondered how ppl could be so separate from their baiting. Thank you so very much for this. Its amazing how this "short side stepping" can help a surviver maintain their vibration. Endless peace.

@bkpsly1 Жыл бұрын

These are great! Some of us are not able to just immediately walk away and go no contact, so being able to arm yourself to disable their MO is great! Thanks for posting ❤

@pel3370 3 жыл бұрын

Another great video Jill , thank you.

@moniquetorres2910 3 жыл бұрын

Hi. Jill Thank You for sharing this video with us all

@michellemooney4225 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Jill. This was awesome!

@melissahoffman9433 2 жыл бұрын

Amen sister! Thank you so much for all that you do! 🙏🏼❤️💪🏼❤️

@michiganmymichigan Жыл бұрын

Thank you Jill Wise, Enlightened Target! ❤

@LR-yu3mx 2 жыл бұрын

Dear Jill, together with your wisdom...you always look and are so beautifully feminine

@earthangel3108 3 жыл бұрын

Great video! Thank you.

@sowhat6247 2 жыл бұрын

All those suggestions would just invoke rage. I can't use them. I have to get out.

@coolcutsgal2 2 жыл бұрын

ever since I began watching two and a half men, back in 2003, I learned a lot from Charlie and the maid, Berta! the one phrase I use continually is the one Charlie used the entire 3rd episode of season one. "I understand" ~ and I just smile and thank Charlie! I just nod up and down and with a very sympatric tone in my voice I say "I understand" They go merrily on their way thinking they have "won" and I go merrily along my way Not giving caring one way or the other! It has served me well for about 18 yrs now! Thanks Charlie!

@coolcutsgal2 2 жыл бұрын

Had to "engage" with the narc yesterday for 14+ hrs. The usual question eventually bubbled up to the surface in conversation "have you heard anything from "x"?" (X is the scapegoat) i just 😑😔 shook my head "no" & didn't elaborate on the matter. The question was rephrased and I just shrugged my shoulders. 😶 IDK 🤷‍♀️. another one and I said I can't help you with that. Topic dropped and moved on. I politely (and defensively) didn't feed the monster. Grey Rock

@navydogsadventures3500 3 жыл бұрын

You are always helpful, I really try to ignore and or avoid as much as I can!👍 You look great today Jill😀!

@boltsdluna 2 жыл бұрын

Awesome work all are my favorite quotes I'm sure on day I'll put one to use 😀👍

@zozokomarova4530 2 жыл бұрын

I love your videos, Jill! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@ecysmith6652 3 ай бұрын

Bravo! Thank you so much for the lesson. I shall put it in practice.

@Journeyoflove13 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, dear Jill!

@sbrown4556 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for providing actual dialogue and response examples to use against narcissists. One of my favorites is "I don't think I have anything further to add to this discussion." Full stop.

@benblessed9991 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I'll remember this😊👍

@lovingfreedom5367 2 жыл бұрын

I loved the last Phrase you suggested! still laughing - cant wait to use it

@valerieshy8749 2 ай бұрын

I forget what YT channel I saw this on, but the phrase that intrigued me was: "What's your point?" Super easy to remember when the narc starts spouting out random BS. Great content as always on your channel. Thx!

@rexx5851 2 жыл бұрын

Excellent comebacks ! thank you, lots :)

@jackleprevost9021 2 жыл бұрын

I love asking my soon to be ex, Narcissistic wife to formulate an answerable question. I also use the perception statement, as well as saying that she's confused by my experiences; with her opinions. Everything is contentious with a Narcissist: everything. Just watch their face as they try to assemble the argument...they're usually angry right off the bat.

@aidasalazar5924 Жыл бұрын

Whoa thats a good one.can u give us more?

@jackleprevost9021 Жыл бұрын

@@aidasalazar5924 What would you like to know. Mental Disorders are about a false perception; not opinions. Devaluing someone's perception is a form of gaslighting. Perception comes from experience; or the lack of it. Actions will form your perception about something; where words are weapons. Just saying.

@gildedingold 10 ай бұрын

When my mom brings up negative and argumentative comments, I say very calmly, "Mom, I only want to talk about good things." Works everytime.

@lindaasulin7200 2 жыл бұрын

That was awsome! Thank you!

@rwesleyslaght111 Жыл бұрын

Great video! Really good resource. Thank you!

@dougarnold7955 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks. I love your vids! 😁👍

@ottisqaiucci2987 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you ! , I deal with a few of them , I will put those to use !

@simonsmith3498 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Jill. Blessings too you xx😉

@alrobertson1432 Жыл бұрын

Thanks for letting me know how you feel--I have nothing to add.

@nancytwigg4631 Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Jill. Good advice.

@stevenk7419 2 жыл бұрын

I love the analogy at the end!!! So true 😉

@lukeguitron5758 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your words. Helped me out a lot. My narc heard me listening to your channel, and went crazy hahahahahaaa ( Love the shirt )

@leewelsh5562 2 ай бұрын

Thanks! Just said it to her. Thanks so much...

@sweetrogue2998 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. 💞🌟✌

@dmitsopoulos7 Жыл бұрын

If we defend ourselves to a narcissist, then the first thing he/she will do is to trash talk you to everyone. They will never forget that they could not play their games to you. The boundaries that they will experience by you, will make them mad, so they will try to destroy you......Watching like a hawk for you to make a mistake. If in an office, they will find other colleagues to talk bad about you.

@MikinessAnalog Жыл бұрын

The smear campaign