It's been said that men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. However with age comes wisdom. Men learn everything that "glitters" is not gold and women learn that actions speak louder than words. If you want something different you have to do something different. "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary." - Oscar Wilde

I think we should focus not only to find elevator people, but and to be elevator person for someone ❤️

Dream man 1. It's positive, calm, patient 2. Loyal and honest 3. Uplifting, about growth 4. Hard working, values family 5. Supportive and loving

like I always say, if you fall in love with other people's character you will find happiness in yourself for a lifetime

Fake friends are easy to find & easy to lose But good friends hardest to find & hardest to lose.

This is one of the best and most useful TED talks I have ever heard. I knew a lot of this, but I have never heard it said so clearly, so understandably, and so effectively. Many thanks.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Put yourself first, and then you’ll attract someone similar.

If only we could teach emotional awareness, empathy and kindness and values in our education system...

This is the sign you are looking for ❤️

Never really had a successful relationship and I am 44. My dream girl would be kind/sweet into the arts and beautiful in my own eyes. Someone who loves to be silly and ok with that

I’m 52years old widow and business owner and ain’t giving up on love yet.💕☝️❤️

I cried when she talked about Anna and how Anna took a minute to start dating people who made her happiest. I just was disappointed by a guy who wasn't ready for a relationship. and I did pick him based on the list of being cute and ultimately being a caring good person even though he wasn't tall and he was a little socially awkward. and I'm proud of myself for following the correct list looking for how happy I felt. even though he wasn't at the point in his life yet to commit, and open up yet, I do feel like he was an elevator person.

My grandfather: he always there for me, supportive, trust me even when myself don’t, witty, humorous, I feel safe around him,

TLDR; being shallow will find you "shallow" love. Look for "deeper" traits in people and you'll find deep love.

kindness, if a person isnt kind nothing else will substitute

Great discussion, there is so much to learn here. What more amazing is it's free knowledge. Thank you so much! Learning life is a only thing which can make you a perfect personality human being

I raised my hand when you asked who here has fallen in love with the wrong person. The wrong person doesn't reciprocate. I am alone. There is no we against all. The object of my attention and affection not only did not feel the same, but now does not dwell among the living, but in memorial. Now, my late, lost love. It is about finding one you feel good about devoting your time to; everything else is half-stepping. You can 'mark time' only so long, then you are seen for who you are- a pretender in the relationship.

Many people just want to be alone and accomplish that by claiming the other person isn't up to their standards.

Super amazing talk....kinda really useful....thanks for sharing!!

Elevator people! How beautifully explained!! Will always remember this term.

We all have our attractions and our check lists and that largely determines who we consider dating, but most sensible people don't stay with their partners for a longer term unless these people stirr something inside them. We can't choose dating "elevator people" because it takes TIME to build such meaningful relationships..

This is the most realistic talk on dating and love

Bela this is fantastic! Really clear and thoughtful. Great perspective based on all your expertise.

Thanks for the words of wisdom.

such an awesome talk. really liked it

So simple but so wise

Bela, this is a fabulous presentation! It is good to listen to this regularly in order not to forget we need to love ourselves first and the characters of our friends and partners. We all need "elevator people" in our lives!

❤this is so inspiring ❤

kind, fun to be with, nice to all kinds of people

Great perspective! Love this:) 🔥

Thanks for sharing 🌈

That was fantastic, inciteful and such good advice!

Listening to these at 2x is a game changer, lots of speakers talking too slowly

Of course, first liking/loving yourself & granting yourself grace, etc is always the best place to start from when seeking other people to love & be loved by ❤ T

All true thumbs up!

Yes, I agree

Simple, yet powerful👍👍

Please KZfaq algorithm sent this video to every girl out there🥺, my life would be so much easier.

Terrific advice!

Fabulous and inspiring talk and idea! Imagine how much better our lives and the world would be if we endeavored to be elevator people to others and also looked for fellow elevator people in our lives? So simple and yet, so impactful.

Awesome !

Bella! This is fantastic - so glad to be able to finally see it. Great job, friend! - Dr. Kristen

I always think that way !

terrific presentation. May God continue to bless her to guide others in finding love ❤

A great 10 minutes Bela! Looking forward to 12/5! I'll be thinking about who in my life elevates me.

Zero divorces ? Bravo

The most important thing to me in a guy is one who’s sincere and dedicated (2 things, actually). I’m still single for 5 years already. Every time I meet someone who seems sweet, approachable and positive, even if he’s not my “dream guy” physically, I try to connect and sometimes even slightly hit on him with the remaining force of optimism within me. They either refuse or just suggest some other male friends they have, who never attract me even the slightest. So no, maybe love is not for everyone. Maybe after 5 years of trying to meet and date and do it with all the hopefulness within me, with a big smile and a self-empowering feeling that I shouldn’t give up, I finally do. It’s been a struggle, but I’m finally done with it. I only wish to succeed in life to survive financially in this hectic, violent and cold-hearted world, and keep doing the things I do best to enlighten both others’ lives and my own. A guy who truly sees me and wishes to have the most profound and ELEVATED relationship of his life, simply doesn’t exist. Believing he does? It has only caused me sorrow, a broken heart, a false sense of warmth and nothing but unmet expectations. I’m off to cherish myself even in loneliness.

This was incredible talk

"Anna" Great story , every single person must hear this .

Its good discussion, thanks a lot

Such a great observation! I already knew to pick my friends this way...now to try it for potential romantic interests.

Awesome ✨ love her ❤️

খুব ভালো বলেছেন❤️

The problem with love is that it predates language. It's something we're programmed to do but it is being smart that prevents us from just loving. Think about it for a second. Those that stay together for life, do so because they ignore everything else. My dad was retiring from the military and mom was a stay at home mom and I'm sure it was very stressful as they made the transition between the military and civilian given the lesser income and more hour but yet they stuck together and never questioned their marriage. They've been together for 40 years. When you stop thinking, you realize what is more important.

I’ve been trying to apply this to my dating life but even when I stay open to meeting new people, even the ones that don’t initially conjure any particular feelings in me, I still don’t connect to the right guys. Not even for friendship. It makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. I’ve done the deep inner work and am committed to continuing with it. This is a sensitive part of my life as I truly want to be with someone I can share my life with and grow and learn and experience all sides of love with. It gets tough.

Gran reflexión

Who would have a relationship - any relationship - with someone who does not make him feel good, make him happy ?

This was fantastic! I'm so proud of you!! Also, I'm proud to report - that's him! ❤️

Amazing

Good!

Looks like my elevator friends are broken because if i fall down, i am falling down very fast and nobody will be there. Thanks life, you teached me how to cope with falling bad on your own 💫

I love the Elevator People story! And my new goal- to become a psychotic optimist!

hope i can find the one that i really choose and chooses me back as well

Great Job Bela!

I am also in the situation where i don't want to talk to anyone i just want to stay alone .Now I think love doesn't exist.

Sometimes hearing the most obvious thing is just what we need to make the light bulb go off.

waw yeah couldn't agree more

This is really a good TEDx talk ❤️

Thank god I saw this 🙏🙌

I love it

Good

wow,

Elevator people... because they... elevate you...

Fantastic, Bela! I felt like I was watching a good friend. Thanks for sharing these important tips for finding lasting love. ❤️

Thanks a lot , now I have finished with the mistake and I find out my lover

I didn't notice a single word about what Anna could give her partner. What qualities did she have that mached his elevator-list?

Lol. I am only looking for a kind-hearted man who is educated enough to educate our future children on how to be good and disciplined human beings. That's all, and yet I can't see that it in anyone who tries to get in my life. It's been 5 years since I am single and my family is already worried that I'll end up alone all my life.

I'm moved by the authenticity and depth of this content. A book with parallel ideas profoundly changed my life. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

❤️ it! So true! I have a list, but will make some changes! 😊 Love your enthusiasm for love!

Am I the only one who has settled for those who don’t meet my list but yet I have a shot thinking things could work yet they didn’t time after time and now I just feel like I should be pickier and simply increase my standards until someone is at par w me.

Yes Yes

I'm dating a guy who has no hair, a beard and has two children he's also my best friend

Go Bela!!

Everyone wants good partner who take care.

❗Yes❗ It's BEST to seek internal qualities and not external attributes . HOWEVER, MAKE SURE that the person who possesses the internal qualities you NEED, make sure they pursue you or the interests is mutual, otherwise, you will be waiting indefinitely for him to make the right move. Make sure his intentions are shown through ACTIONS & not words💝

Make sure to have similar values and same ideas about important life topics. Be real because it will come out anyway if you fake it in the beginning. Online dating is what YOU make of it.

Hello 👋 Optimism is the one quality more associated with success and happiness that any other. Brian Tracy

Woow!!

J think I should focus on those that gives me joy

Elevator People = love it. Great Tedx! And as a 5'8" man = THANK YOU.))

Height, looks, attractiveness ...surely not! How can people want pick their life partner based on their looks. How can we still be so shallow?!

thanku mam👍👍

Dream women: Who loves me limitless (most imp) Who takes care of me/ Who is there for me always Who scold/ slap me for my wrong doings or bad habits Who has kind thoughts for not only me but for everyone * Its ok If she is not much attractive, not have good pleasant voice. (I never thought of these things honestly) What will i do : Love her more (obviously) Take care of her/ be there for her always Try to fulfill financial needs (all the basic needs); and also try to fullfill other money related wishes for her (i cant promise this one tho) Visit places holding her hand and make lovely memories NEVER EVER make circumstances leading to divorce or make her thing i don't love her Appreciate her good works and help her get rid of bad habits/ doings Always support her and share my every thoughts and plans with her NOTE: im not too good at looks and not tall. I am not rich right now i do have financial limitations for now.

This was fantastic. I believe her, but it's still hard. Finding the right person is tough. But, I will make my list with elevator people qualities and the next time I date, I will use that list instead of the "perfect man list."

❤❤❤

So sad to be seeing this now. But I guess it is better to have loved and lost.

I think she had a lot of amazing points. However, I don’t feel like it’s as easy as what she is saying.. it would be amazing if we could do just that… it’s nice to hear success stories though

I found a love that's lasted since 1987. She's never made me happy; nobody can do that except me. She's never been mine. But it's been the most important love from someone not related to me I've known. I would be happy if I found someone I can continue to be happy with. But I don't care about how long it will last.

❤️❤️

I found her❤😊