Thanks to Almighty GOD, rightnow I had talk with 4 people's including my Yoga friend and BK (Brahma Kumaris) brother about after coming back to my job work👇👇👇 """"" *I can help my life partner in his business work or household management activities when I get married but not for having kids, it's hard for me because I haven't took responsibilities or had faith and trust with my family & parents growing up 👈👈👈CAN we tell this to our Husband"* """ Then I spoke about my 🏫 life that I used to complain alot of my classmates and tell to the principal that I am not interested & having fear about boyfriend, girlfriend, sex ,dating..... *Now I am not but growing up I had fear about 👉👉👉DATING & BOYFRIEND*

That statement says it all.

Omg so true

Your grandmother knows what’s up!

@@Chunkymonkey309 She had lots of sayings..before psychology. “Pretty is as Pretty Does..my Dear.” If you nothing Kind to say..Don’t say anything at all.”

Great description.

I get that a lot. Meanwhile, my life is criticism and the need for assurances by me and I can’t get him to commit to some kind of time together. I could drone on, but he treats me like a child on the phone every day and acts annoyed by me when we are together. And when I ask him if he wants to spend the day together, he always has something to do and can’t make a commitment or starts complaining about me. All I do is work, I have no life and this guy who doesn’t want to spend time with me ragging on me like he’s my parent. I know there are good parts to him, the parts I love, but not at this cost. You’d think it would be easy to say goodbye, but it’s so painful.

susanwallbrown7889 - Absolutely the same line of BS I had heard. Oh, he's a keeper! Now I think of a retort: A keeper of what? The devil's lair?? I am so sorry you, anyone else who had suffered this as well as I. It indeed is hell. 🫂❤️

Yes, but not anywhere near enough awareness. Most people know that narcs are problematic, but they don't know the extent of their ability to devastate their partner's lives.

When I left my narc last year and I told my family we had split up MY OWN SISTER asked me why he left me, what did I do wrong. 🤦‍♀️

Exactly!!

​@@JettypilelegsThought he was just a lovely person most likely. Possibly was but to others!

@@janetmalcolm6191 oh yes, he’s a gentleman to others, and he’s rich so it’s easy to look good when you bamboozle people with gifts and financial favours.

Wow,

🚩my old family has two malignant narcissists, these two narc had influenced most of my relatives with their smear campaign against me and made me the super villain.However I see things from the positive perspective, if a relative's(or friend) faith/support towards you could be easily swayed by a story from these narc, then they aren't worth to be my relative. Their support is like the haze, it goes wherever the wind blows(by narc's mouth) them

kristinmeyer489 - Honey, may I say GOOD FOR YOU! I also am the only one like me, and I am alone yet I am not lonely. I have learned to enjoy my own company, my peace of mind, my beloved pets. I hope you have as well. Keep reading, keep learning and share your knowledge with others. There are many excellent Facebook support groups of which I highly recommend. One in particular I have been in for several years truly has helped me as we share, complain, laugh and cry. I even made a good friend in the UK: I am in the US. She understands who I am and what I have experienced. 💞 Best wishes to you and a big hug 🫂❤️

susansanchez1629 - Absolutely and I am so sorry you had to endure it. I did as well. 20 years of marriage and 14 years post divorce and he's STILL at it! He has convinced our son to leave our home to live with him! Our son is 21 years old, and now I have to fear for him. It never ends. I have stated, As long as one of us is alive - it just isn't going to stop. I was correct. Sad yet true. 🫂❤️

My father feed everyone's child while we his own children starved.

My ex was a electrician did all the neighbour electrical work for free bent over backwards for everyone but I could not get him to change a plug for me,I had to pretend that a neighbour sent down their hairdryer to get fixed he did it right away,I got up and put it in my cupboard, he said what are you doing,I said it's mine I've been waiting for 6 months to get it fixed and the only way I could get it fixed was to say it was the neighbours.

​@@singstreetcar5881That is bad.

If your story is true, ​@@annbow4064, it is quite sad. 😮 😢 I wish you had had better experiences than such as that.

Same.

Sad. Please start to go to Adult children of Alcoholics. Can start online, then find sit down group. Also you can go to AA and learn to stop drinking.

I have always felt like the stranger in my own family. Im the scapegoat. Don't expect them to make you any room but try to cultivate your own connections which it might sounds impossible because I myself find it extremely hard to make any healthy connections even being proudfully childless because people don't talk to people face to face any longer...we have become dependent and hooked to our cell phones.

@@jazzsoul1695 I don’t drink. It’s my wife.

@@scooterwoodley195 Get some support. ACoA meetings are perfect. These people can make you sick!

35 years? Are you going to sacrifice your whole life at your wife's altar?

❤❤❤👏👏👏

Yes, do it because he’ll never ever change… that’s who they are!!!

maryp4579 - YAY!!! 🥳. Go go go! I lived it for 20 years in my marriage of hell, and I am free of his ceaseless nagging and abuse. I wish you all the best! 🫂❤️

Wow! That’s horrible! Although I must say my amazing husband sometimes feels like I give our dog, Oliver (aka Ollie) a bit more attention than I give him. 😂

Eeeh, its actually very NORMAL to love The children more, not only that, its UN NATURAL NOT to love your children more!! The love of a partner is of a completely different character

I can relate to this.

If you love your children you treat the other well !

Love is not either or nor out of one pot. One can love passionately ones spouse children dog siblings without depletion of the love pot don’t you think? Imo love expands and does not decrease!

I'm glad he's gone!

What did you love about him?

how old are you now?

Wow, an incredible story! I hear exactly all that you’re saying. I get it.

@@astrialindah2773 thank you for asking. To begin with, he didn’t say those cruel things to me until we had been married about 16 or so years. There were some things that seemed “off” during that time, but nothing so serious as to end a marriage. Also, it took years to figure everything out because he lived a double life and was such a good liar. By the time I learned what may have been the full extent of his issues, we were in joint counseling and he was in counseling by himself. He seemed to genuinely want to save our marriage and spare our children from a broken home. So, during the first 16 years, I grew to love him like anyone grows to love their partner or spouse. He was overall fairly easy to get along with. He had a great sense of humor, he became a good provider and he truly was a wonderful father to our children.

They always take credit for everything. Especially in a work situation or a partner. Must look on top of everything. Put others down though in the process. Give no respect to others. Very demeaning in a cruel way with no regard to others feelings.

He won't be missing his rights to be a father, he will miss his privileges. Protect your innocent family members. Don't let him cripple your love ones. Sending ❤

Well, your ex-husband must have a clone that I am married to!😅😅😅, and the same with family, too!

​@@Lyrielonwind 💯

​@@nancykg6666it's actually scary how similar these people are. Quite shocking actually

@mimi42428 true! I wonder who their special common ancestors are! They are definitely different from ours - its shocking how so much at ease and comfort they are in acts of abuse and cruelty! Unnecessary acts of vindictiveness and vengefulness coupled with resentment that is so difficult to comprehend! Shocking!

Exactly. This is a very important distinction to make and unfortunately, the two words are often used interchangeably when in fact they come from very different sources. "Nice" is self-serving in order to promote one's image and reputation while "kind" is other-centred in order to offer love and support. As you rightly say, narcissists are quite incapable of the latter but they can totally master the former.

@@DA-ee1xi So true. I often ask people what they think the difference between nice and kind are, and they look at me quizzically. Then I give them this definition. Nice is about how you want to appear to others, so your image is maintained. Kind is how you treat another person, so they receive a blessing and is not about you at all.

Not true everybody possess empath, everybody, it's just selectional, episodic and low in people who have personality disorders, they may have never learned the value of empathy or got a lot of there own empathy humiliated or beaten out of them. So it's important you don't generalize like that, nd dehumanize people, no matter what label we put on people they are all humans, nd we all have the same human traits but some of us have lower or higher. Some of us may be more dominant, some of us may be more submissive, some of us may be more violent, some of us may be more passive e.t.c but we all have everything in us. Nd not being able to recognize empathy in others is a big red flag in our own selves. If we start telling ourselves other people's empathy isn't real or fake but ours are we are falling into narsstic territory ourselves. It's also a way to fuck up your children to if you start viewing them in this way

God bless u Darren for your work on this. You have answered a question for me. Why my husband would never confront his sister on her dismissive superior bad behavior towards me - even with proof. Well now I know. Keep up the good work ❤

my former adoptive "mother" set this example recently. the nice thing to do was to get my dogs remains taken care of, this is the cognative empathy. but then because she paid for it, I had to wait from oct1st until xmas to get my dogs ashes as a gift. since she spent that money on my dog, I didn't deserve anything else. every interaction with that woman is transactional and she'll deny it until the day she dies.

maryannlindberg8994 - 💯🥳❤️

My mother is the exact same way. I'm a female turning 35 , unmarried because of the smear and slander.

Kennedys?

😂 no but my ex certainly admired them, especially Bobby, and me too until I learned about the Kennedys dark reputation with women.

I love how you described how you felt your in-laws would act after your discard I thought my in-laws loved me and completely thought they would support me I was discarded by them just their son did They love all of his supplies he’s brought home since my discard I’m trash after being in that family for 29 years

@@LakeHouse1965 It’s a real shock when the people you thought loved and respected you turn their backs, it revealed to me that I was never as valued as I thought I was.

My parents took my narcissistic ex on vacation after he had tried to shoot me in the head.

Really sorry you had to put up with that. The saying is you can choose your friends but not your family. This seems to be true. Hope your life is better now.

I too was a scapegoat. It's a painful situation. You trust your family and they turn on you. Where do you go then? To God, who knows who He created you to be. To friends who see and appreciate your worth. Have faith in yourself to find the way. All shall be well eventually.

@@nmontani Thank you! Luckily I turned to God as a young child and I do have faith in him! He's helped me through many difficult times, so I'm not alone! Also there are many out there who have been assigned the position of Scapegoat as a child, in a Narc family and I think once you understand it, it sets you free from self blame, but as a youngster it's pretty horrible. We have to stay strong 👍🙏💪

This is similar to my experience with a narcissistic brother. To him, his kid walks on water, and everyone else is chopped liver, including his (now ex-)wife, and me, his sister. I think it's not so much who is valued and who is devalued, as long as there is someone in each of those roles that the narcissist can use to play off against each other and derive both positive and negative supply from.

@@Naomi-vs1tl Yes! That all makes sense.

My experience with my sister was similar until her older child turned 8 years old or so, then that child became her scapegoat. Once children in our family start expressing any independence, they are belittled into silence and isolation. My sister’s younger child (her golden child) can do no wrong and never told no. My mom, sister and her youngest are the babies of the family and are all entitled and don’t respect boundaries (like being told no). In our case it is because my mom is a covert narcissist and passed along that the babies of the family are most important because she feels that about herself. I wonder if my mom were the oldest of her siblings if I would have turned out to be a narcissist and not a scapegoat. I don’t want to be either so I went no contact. I also don’t want my kids to be scapegoated.

The same truth about my sister. Also she was manipulating me in all ways to prevent me from finishing my MA degree.

Sounds like sis is using you as some sort of scapegoat to let all of her negativity out on. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this.

Yes they are definately dependant on each other , son in law is his provider , you name it , drugs , drink , women , viagra , porn !!! The whole family are in it up to their necks & nobody would believe me as they portray to the public a totally different personality , however when you scrutinise them closely even in public , they can show their true colours .

Now mine has found the love of his life...🤧

@@maddielu5286Mine too,! They won’t have kids together, so she may never know the real him

When a woman is mistreated by her husband, her children suffer, regardless of how well he treats the children directly. Staying with an abusive man does absolutely no favors for her children(especially her daughters), and in fact, it can cause a lot of resentment of the children by the mother, whether conscious or unconscious. If a woman believes she is suffering for her child, she will resent that child, because she is a human being, not a god.

Remember, you can’t talk to a disease.

Leave if possible. The scars of emotional abuse can run deep. Don't allow any more abuse.

Also, please be careful speaking to a narcissistic. They will make a plan to indicate you as the problem. This will add to the abuse and your time of healing afterwards. Hopeful for your outcome.

I'm the middle child and the scapegoat but I think the family was always a cult. It was me that took me so long to find out and the only one who wanted to notice it. My siblings are in another reality but they came out better in the materialistic sense...more money, more invested in their career by my parents...they don't want the scapegoat to be independent and sabotage our growth accordingly.

100 years ago it was called vampirism. We simply forgot.

My father. Everybody thinks he is an angel but behind closed doors he is a monster

Street angel.

True.....

God can still forgive you and you can also forgive yourself. I hope you find peace ❤

Forgiveness is a word which not everyone agree about the definition. Love, freedom can be other examples. I think we should ask more often: "how do you define ...Forgiveness, love, freedom, etc? Btw, my deceased ex husband, who was more than alcoholic and probably a sociopath, told me he was proud of me (I got an A in a basic course of psychology in San Francisco Community College being Spanish and lacking English knowledge except for what I have learned at work, he never spoke to me in English and that was a halt in my learning process)...he wasn't proud, he looked miserable because I was trying and he didn't have the guts to improve his situation when he was in his own environment and not out of it like it was my case, living in a foreing country without support and himself being a load on my back. If you are with a narcissist, never expect respect, love, support and especially forgiveness...they are the victims. You are a traitor, especially when you achieve whatever goal. You should be proud you got out of the hole any addiction means. You own it to yourself because I don't think you feel guilty, you feel toxic shame and forgiveness is something we should practice with ourselves first and especially if we didn't have the support of our loved ones. That's when forgiveness is most neccesary.

You can stop wearing the alcoholic badge. Here you are telling strangers on the internet the exact day you quit some 35yrs ago and no one was asking. It's time to forgive yourself. And never depend on others for validation. It's called self-esteem.

@@bearclaw5115 I have forgiven myself. We were married for 32 years. I share my sobriety date with strangers at meetings too and I have no problem doing it here.

Correct. We can give it all sorts of psychological labels, but at the core it is spiritual. To treat your spouse like they simply do not matter is a sin.

Families are inherently cult like.

Yes some people think you choose your parents before birth. Who would choose this??

@@janetmalcolm6191 No idea. I must have done something truly horrible in previous life. :)

@@AssumptionEmptyNot good if you have to suffer in this 1! Not your fault.

Have you considered what role you, as the most important person in her life, have played in her personality development? Not blaming you(I don’t do blame), but healing is never possible when we can’t even examine ourselves critically/objectively. BPD is typically a result of unconscious maternal rejection that a girl experiences during puberty/adolescence. If a woman had a very emotionally unhealthy mother, who didn’t accept her unconditionally, she will be very threatened when her daughter starts to become a woman. She fears, unconsciously, that her daughter is becoming her mother, essentially. Adolescence isn’t inherently difficult for girls. It’s difficult because of the influence patriarchy has had on the mother-daughter relationship dynamic. Watching your daughter turn into a woman is terrifying for someone who was shown(by their mother) that all women do is judge and punish.