"Why is Black Cinderella Jesus?" - Some Jerk With A Camera, 2016

"Batman v Superman" got beat by "The Country Bears" by 3%... This is even more humiliating than the time "The Black Cauldron" was beaten by "The Care Bears Movie" at the box office.

Oh no! Batman Vs. Superman's been crushed by Country Bear Hall!

I took the Magic Kingdom behind the scenes tour once and one of the stops is Haunted Mansion. the tour guide leads us in the exit, and into a connecting passage from the unload platform to the load platform. while were waiting she told us a story about another time she took a group in there, one that will send chills up your spine. as she was entering the ride, she found the ride staff running around in a slight panic. She stopped one of them and they explained to her what was going in on. The ride was down. The sound system was malfunctioning. No Paul Frees. No "grim griming ghosts" Instead something..... else, was echoing through the halls. THAT SONG!!!! (and if you don't get the joke, here's a hint, "run run run run, run run away!!! oh oh oh!")

Speaking of Tim Allen, in hindsight I'm surprised there wasn't a Home Improvement Goes to Disney World episode.

They should have just had Eddie Murphy play Axel Foley and call the movie Haunted Mansion Cop.

I agree, putting Heaven and Hell in The Haunted Mansion is an incredibly stupid idea.

"He's gonna take you to Disneyland. To review the attractions that are bland. He'd rather have Winnie the Pooh stuff his anus full of steaming poutine. He'd rather eat a rotten asshole of Shrek the ogre just 'cause it's green. He's the most enraged critic in his line of work. He's the enraged Disney parks jerk. He's the enraged Universal, Seaworld jerk. He's the Enraged Theme Park Jerk."

Corpse Bride was a better movie about happy ghosts.

*Checks phone* *Part 3 uploaded* *Drops everything* *Snuggles up on the couch with lunch* *Boots up video on flat-screen* Let's do this.

"Why is black Cinderella Jesus?" Well apparently baby Jesus is a black girl so...

I don't care what anybody says... I want to see the Splash Mountain movie starring Dane Cook and directed by Tommy Wiseau.

Why am I laughing so hard every time they say "weiner kids"?

At around 10.23 I think the ghost count just went up by a fair bit... R.I.P Headphone users.

It really wouldn't have been that hard to write a better line for Leota than that one. "Well, maybe the key and the trunk are connected somehow. I'm a psychic, not a god. Go find it." That's not quite a Maleficent level line, but it fits Tilley's interpretation and it was actually written, not just ripped off from other sources.

So here's a Terence Stamp story. He of course played Chancellor Valorum in in The Phantom Menace. He honestly didn't even want to do the project, but ultimately agreed because his agent pressed him, and he really wanted to work with Natalie Portman. He admired Natalie's performance in The Professional, and admitted he had "a terrible crush" on her. In hindsight, that comes across as creepy, considering Natalie wasn't even 18 yet, and Stamp was around 60, but moving on... When he went in to film the scene with his character, Natalie was nowhere to be seen, so he asked George Lucas "Where's Natalie?" Lucas replied by pointing to a piece of paper on the wall and said "That's Natalie". You could only imagine how livid Stamp must have been. Stamp also said that he didn't feel Lucas "was a director of actors", and that he seemed more interested in "stuff and effects". Oh, and after Stamp went in another day to do some unpaid pickups, Lucas gifted him with Star Wars stencils as thanks.

There actually has been a good family-friendly Haunted Mansion film released since 2003. It's directed by Tim Burton, it's called The Corpse Bride, and it's a much better adaptation of the ride and its tone than the Eddie Murphy film.

That rant about the happy ending may be one of the best moments in the show! It honestly made me realize my favorite aspect of the attraction, and why I love this ride! It may actually be the biggest Disney touch to the Haunted House Ride trope in the this ride. Think about it. Any other version of that type of ride (or story, for that matter) would have the ghosts be tortured by their very existence, but instead they decided to make the afterlife look like a party, kind of mixing horror with Disney's iconic sense of optimism! A happy ending might actually be fitting for this kind of movie, ending with the ghosts being content with their existence. Call me crazy, but I think that's why The Haunted Mansion is considered just as fun as it is scary. A lot of this is because Uncle Walt was smart enough to hire two writers for this attraction, one to make the ride fun, with another to make it dark. This is why I think fans think it's a good idea to put their loved ones' ashes in the attraction: to even out the population to a thousand and allow them to join the part-ay! They, of course forget the mansion's just a ride and the ghosts are just robots and all their efforts to give their loved ones a good afterlife will just make a mess and make clean up hard for the maintenance workers, but like you said, it's the thought that counts! But, of course, they had to take the most unique aspect of this world that's among the top ten reasons it's the world we love going to in the parks, and completely ignore it for an ordinary cliche that's in every horror movie for kids.

I absolutely cackled at the catering line. That Eddie Murphy impression was spot on.

As far as Del Toro doing a Haunted Mansion film, let's hope Disney doesn't screw him over when he worked with another company... *cough*KONAMI*cough*

For a Halloween episode you, Count Jackula, and Horror Guru should definitely do another crossover about Halloween Horror Nights

I’m at least happy that a new Haunted Mansion movie is coming this year It’s gotta be a step up I mean they swapped out Tilly with Jamie Lee Curtis for Leota

The Haunted Mansion the video game was a lot better then the movie.

Jeez, the turnaround time on that opening joke is phenomenal. I wasn't expecting you to bring that up in one of these.

Thanks for the clarification about how you really liked elements of the movie. I agree wholeheartedly on those points. It's too bad we have to endure Eddie Murphy's mugging and the goofy workaholic parent storyline to see those things.

“Who the fuck hired the caterers?! This salmon’s nasty!” Never laughed so hard 😂

About the "apologies for the pirates of the carrebean" part... well, it's may be not that far from the truth. Disney had ZERO faith in the PotC movie, they believed that it would be a flop and that people will hate it because it was too dark, too violent, too much references of sex, and that the Jack Sparrow characters was too far from their characters models... ho and also that the pirates movie genre was... well STILL IS dead (except PotC, we didn't get a succesfull pirates movie since... the muppets treasure Island ?). Proof that they didn't want anything to do with this movie at the time, THE MOVIE DON'T OPEN WITH THE DISNEY LOGO ! Yeah, it's rare that a compagnie like this hate a project so much that they don't show their logo in the actuall movie, even Cars 2 or Song of the South begins with the Disney logo. They probably had more faith in the haunted mansion movie who was more familly friendly (too much familly friendly indeed) and more close to the Disney formulla (well, Disney CHANNEL formulla) than PotC... Funny that now it's the exact opposite.

19:11 the Horror Guru’s bored face is awesome

Zod threw eddie murphy out that window so hard he warped into an alternate dimension!

Just having the ghosts of the mansion LEAVING IT!!??? was basically the worst idea to ever be in this movie. Disney wasn't interested in making this into the same type of "franchise" that PIRATES ended up being?... WHY NOT!? the film makers don't seemed to understand even the basics of that "tragic wedding" back-story one bit, if not for the fact that Eddie's family other plot was taking it over. Another thought is that under possibly another different director, they could have played up the darker humor of the ride(even surpassing the weird humor of the later PIRATES sequels) and the fact that could have gotten a better star then Eddie Murphy(although i do still like him in MULAN at least). Also we're all still WAITING on that awesome HAUNTED MANSION remake and judging by the way PIRATES 5 was.... I just hope it's way better then PIRATES 5!!!!!

I have to admit if there was a movie where I got to see sir Ian McKellen get directed by Tommy Wiseau I would go see it in IMAX just so I could see the look of frustration deep in sir Ian's eyes

man I'm not going to lie that Rotten Tomatoes bit between BvS and Country Bears was funny, you're laughter is infectious Jerk

16:22 I love Jack's delivery on that line

Hey Tony, thanks for showcasing Universal Horror Nights. My wife and I had the opportunity to attend this year for the 1st time, and I insisted we go based what you've showcased. We had a blast. Thanks so much.

Forget Eddie Murphy, I love Jennifer Tilly, but after seeing this review, how awesome would it have been to see someone like Pat Carroll (Ursula from the Little Mermaid) as The Crystal Ball Woman?

Wow! Some Jerk with a Camera's videos are getting better and better! Keep it up with the wonderful qualities! The beautiful ending of the Escape From Tomorrow and the hilarious Simpsons Ride Review were all oozing with talent and humor.

I have to admit, this a way better review than N.C and B.B reviews. Sorry if anyone liked their review

To be fair to Batman v Superman, the average rating is higher than Country Bears. The RT percentage is usually irrelevant when it comes to the average. That rating is how MetaCritic works.

Bless you for that intro Jerk. XD

Is this the first couple minutes referring to the hubbub to the reboot of Bustbusters? Listen, We`re all upset that Eddie Murphy can`t do this movie because he`s doing Sucide Squad but we still have Jeff Goldblum!

Love what you did to the video's final frame! Including the KZfaq mix playlist was a nice attention to detail !

Holy crap, I'm in the 7 views club. Good stuff. (I waited until after I watched the video before commenting, It was a great video, I really enjoyed it. Some Jerk has quickly become one of my favourite review-y types).

Great job! You nailed down my thoughts on the movie perfectly. (Also, the Country Bears and Batman vs Superman ratings were hilarious, thank you for bringing it to our attention).

Thank god I'm not the only one who thinks Eleanor Audley was arguably one of the greatest voice actress's ever, and her Maleficent and Lady Tremaine were amazing! I don't know if I live in the Twilight Zone, but every time I ask people I know, they either shrug and don't know the name, or think Jolie was a better Maleficent. Its incredibly weird. But oh well, who say's getting tuberculosis at a young age doesn't have its advantages?

Christopher Walken was the sole reason Country Beats was rated better than BvS.

When the nothing creaks and the nothing quakes, Nothing comes for a nothing wake. Zero haunts materialize And refuse to vocalize Jack-diddly-shit will anti-socialize! Comments, Let's come up with the rest of the lyrics! Note: Edited for Tony's comment, as I put We'll instead of will

Does anybody else really want to hear the full Soulja Boy Moo Mesa remix unironically?

Every other second I was laughing so hard at this. Walter and the dude with Donny's ashes, Sanford and Son, the Full House theme at the end. Thank you for all your hard work. This made my day.

Nice thumbnail art of Count Jackula. He kind of looks like Eduardo from Extreme Ghostbusters

Angles In The Outfield is one of my favorite movies. Not because it is good, but because it said the LA Angels are such phenomenal losers only a literal miracle could make them less pathetic. Another phenomenal Jerk vid. The special guests really changed the pace up and they were great in their own right (as we knew they would be).

That opening (and ending) joke is gonna date this suuuuper quickly. Great review as always, though.

What if Tim Burton directed a stop motion Haunted Mansion movie?

17:34 there was a time when The Haunted Mansion fans had a hope for a perfect adaptation of The Haunted Mansion ride to a perfect movie

That last second absolutely got me. Kudos, sir.

Jennifer Tilly's Leota is Elvira without those two round things that make her special and the sarcasm. Also yeah...they are called happy haunts for a reason. A haunted mansion without the ghosts and monsters is just either a normal mansion or just an old abandoned house, normal mansion doesn't have the same ring to it. My depiction of what a Haunted Mansion movie would be like, i'm thinking it would be like The Frighteners or a Tales From The Crypt movie. Also Vampire In Brooklyn is and always will be the ONLY instance of Murphy going into the supernatural genre. Kudos for using the 'Haunted House' song from Elvira's 'Gravest Hits' album.

Holy cow, that KZfaq video recs screen at the very end had me quite fooled. I think I jumped a bit when hearing Slasher's voice still coming out the speakers.

All that review made me want to do is wish I could go see Universal Haloween Horror nights. :)

Like for "Carolina Drama" in the background

Yessss! Been waiting for this one and now I can finally enjoy it (checks time)..... at 1 in the morning

#skycake :3

Also, I heard a while ago that Jhnonen Vasquez (creator of the comic, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, and the Nicktoon, Invader ZIM) was making TV project for Disney XD. It hasn't been specified exactly if it's a show, a miniseries, or a TV movie

Thank you for addressing the workaholic dad trope! Thank you! I admit that SOMETIMES it works (like when you make the father an actual asshole/workaholic) but a lot of the time I just feel sorry for the dads. Especially if you're going on the notion that the father is supporting the mother/kid(s). That's just not fair! And in terms of THIS movie, it is HER business too! Fucking hell! How are you going to afford things and maintain your OWN business if your husband is the one always working/taking opportunities while you don't? That makes no sense!

Hmm... you know, the ghosts of this movie seem to have a pretty good grasp on modern speech patterns (some more than others, to put it lightly). They also have a phone, even though they all died just after that had been invented and was still decades off being a widely used thing. They also maintain a physical form and can interact with anyone and anything they like as long as they maintain inside the mansion; so Gracy could easily maintain his fortune through interactions with the living as long as he maintains the appearance of being reclusive decedents of his. And as far as I recall, the movie says nothing about at least most of the ghosts are bound to the house and, so long as they don't mind doing so in ghost form, not being able to go around the rest of the world to see how it's changed. So, I'm not saying this version of the Haunted Mansion *does* have an electronic entertain room with the most state-of-the-art television set, game system, and computer 2003 can muster, but all signs point to it.

Loved the review. Can’t wait for the Jungle Cruise movie and I hope it’ll redeem Disney ride movies. Thanks for the vids. Liked it better than NC’s

Brick made of chainsaws got to remember that one.

That mashup of Soulja Boy and Cow Boys of Moo Mesa is strangely a bop. What would that be? Soulja Boys of Moo Mesa? On the nose but it works

20:05-20:18 “Down through the atmosphere, SPLAT! Blood is everywhere, Oh, let’s go crash a plane!” You’re welcome 😊

Holy shit! That beginning was amazing! I can't believe you did that all in one take.

We still all know the real ghost expert's Conan O'Brien

wow. Fantastic video, Jerk. That was a great parody in the opening!

funny as hell, always! ^_^ any chance of reviewing any more florida Disney world or universal attractions in the near future?

I was in Walt Disney World for a week and rode the haunted mansion there several times! I love it! Just wish they had the hatbox ghost on that coast though.

This is hilarious and well thought out.

Was the beginning an affection parody of James Rolfe?

Huh, that 3% difference between the Country bears and Superman vs Batman must be the superiority of Walken’s line “and that day… is TONIGHT” vs Superman’s “save Martha” or whatever line he said.

It's 2018 and I sincerely hope they're still making that Haunted Mansion reboot (the GOOD one that we actually want) for the sake of my sanity

Yes. A few years back. 6 in fact. STILL WAITING ON A TRAILER.

I was not expecting an AVGN Ghostbusters parody. I should really know better by now. XD

Nooooooooo Masked Slasher!! Missing out on his opportunity for the joy and wonder of Disneyland!

Does the movie even say why there are so many ghosts in the mansion? It makes sense for Elizabeth, Gracy, and Zod to haunt it as the first two died in the house and Zod was the one to cause the McGuffin Curse, but why should that curse extend to nine hundred and ninety nine ghosts? The original Haunted Mansion explains this by having it be a retirement home for ghosts that they came to willingly with only a small handful having died in the mansion proper. The Phantom Manor has all the ghosts except Melanie and *maybe* her fiance be demons invited by the phantom to laugh at the bride's suffering. What's this film's excuse for the insanely high number? I guess the Enchantress from Beauty and the Beast upgraded from just turning everyone else who happens to be in the rich people building into inanimate to flat out killing them. That'll teach teach the one percent to learn better! ...still shouldn't have more than fifty people in the house at that time though.

Hey Tony, any thoughts on Channel Awesome's recent Haunted Mansion rewrite video?

very enjoyable and funny series, but those scenes from 10:20 - 10:25 look very familiar XD... oh wait.... :P

You know, I used to really like this movie... when I was 5.

Dear Mr Goldmark please release the outtakes because I need to see more of you and count jack at USHHN.

Best. Opening. Ever.

Jerk should do one of these for the Tower of Terror Movie. It's not, I my opinion anyway, a train-wreck like Haunted Mansion, but has issues, one being how it doesn't connect to the Twilight Zone show, but has it's own story.

ironically the video game was more faithful to the ride than the movie was

Even the GameCube tie in game was better than this movie. The main character is the groundskeeper from the ride when he was young, helping get rid of evil spirits in the mansion, and helping the, "happy haunts", in the process.

SPOILERS FOR 2023 HM MOVIE Despite how some of y’all think, the fact that the new movie had the Haunts stay in the mansion despite having the choice to ‘ascend to the other side’ because ‘we kinda like it here’ is a better fit than…that end. Also, I prefer Curtis Leota over Tilley Leota anyday, mainly because she’s back to being a ‘powerful psychic’ and not a valley girl.

I so wanna watch Tommy Wiseau's Splash Mount.

The best part of this movie is Morris Day covering Somebody's Watching me on the soundtrack.

12:38 What a high-quality rip

13:22 WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE ZACK?!!!!!!!

I've just heard recently that there will be another Haunted Mansion movie coming out next year in 2023, starring Rosario Dawson. I freaking love Rosario, and while she did star alongside Eddie Murphy in Pluto Nash, her as the lead instead of him is perfect. But there's also news of Owen Wilson starring as a priest in the movie, which gives me doubts after his performance in The Haunting (1999) remake. But, it's been 20 since both of those movies, and we have gotten much better interpretations of haunted house flicks since then- (The Conjuring, Crimson Peak, The Haunting of Hill House, Muppets Haunted Mansion), so I'll give it leadway until we get more information.

Sexual joke about arriving early.

Who played Leota in this review?

I would kill to get that Cowboys of Moo Masa/Soulja Boi mix

I recommend the Blooper reel on the DVD. It's easy to forget how funny Eddy Murphy CAN be without a script.

The only live action reboot I would rather see is The Chronicles of Prydain/Black Cauldron

That image of batman v superman having a worse rating than country bears is now my Facebook cover photo :)