Being with him was a war but being without him is a constant battle with myself even though I know I did the right thing.

"You can't have a deep relationship with a person who can't go deep within themself"! I felt that !!!!

"You stopped giving this person what they wanted, and that is the best compliment you are going to get in your entire life." - Good medicine there, Stephanie.

I was the “second” wife. To the outside world and to his first wife, I am sure it appeared that we were charmed- the Brady bunch- a big blended family. A $2 m new home, cars etc. Five years into marriage, I woke up one and am waited for him to leave for court, I pack four suitcases and a box of toys for my twins and left. Left it all. This was 8 years ago- at the time I didn’t have a clue about narcissistic abuse, I just knew my twins were not thriving and we were living in a pressure cooker and something was very very off with this man. He asked me one day if I thought he was a monster- I was taken a back- why would someone describe themselves as a monster? Because he knew what he was. The illusion that they love the new person more or that their life with this new person is “different” is just smoke and mirrors. They hone their “craft” with each relationship. They become better manipulators with each relationship experience. I actually felt sorry for the one after me. She was a judge and I knew he was using her - she was a family court judge and he was using her as a sounding board. He dumped her as soon as our divorce was over. Take care of yourself and your children. Put these monsters in the rear view mirror. They NEVER change.

They do not change. They only change the mask they wear for their next victim. Go, live your life in peace. You have earned it. Never look back. Peace and love!

The moment I told him that he must end his relationship with a newly discovered woman to save our marriage and he responded , "what is there to save?", the mask was off. He was a completely different person. I struggle to understand had he actually changed or was it that I been in denial of an unhealthy relationship, how I had been treated and who he was? We were actively planning our retirement and I was in total shock. He stonewalled me for six months. After forty five years together and 35 years married, I'm realizing that I didn't really know him at all. I'm two years out from the divorce and still healing while he moved on quickly to another woman.

This really resonates with me. 5 years out I sometimes still look back and wonder if I was imagining things. Maybe it was me? Maybe it wasn't so bad? She's been with a new guy for 5 years so maybe it was just me? But no... I hear bits an pieces... she still lies to our kids to create a narrative that suits her. She still manipulates to feed her own needs. She still uses people. And I'm still free :)

I walked away 6 weeks ago. Covert narcissist constantly lying, on dating websites, pretending to be single. After a few months I saw the real person and the abuse started. Still hurts like hell but so glad I had the balls to walk away.

“ It chips away our soul” that’s the point why healing and mowing on is so hard. I lost myself. I didn’t know who am I? My intuition said from the beginning, that something is wrong… ( the person I met was my first love, and he told me I was always someone special in his life and so on…, a lot of little things he remembered from this teenage time I didn’t, and I trusted and believed him. ) I was a fool hungry for attention and love. The first I have to give attention and love is me.

The truly toxic people part is so true. People that screw with your sense of reality and damage your judgment. I hate them.

I read a lot but don't often remember specific quotes from book except for this one "I saw the red flags but did not understand the consequences of ignoring them". when you look back you can often see those flags but they were always "tolerable", or "fixable"....until the inevitable happens. Either you are so tolerant that you stay and they eventually leave you or you find enough strength to move on.

Stephanie...my 22 yr old precious daughter has been in a 3 yr relationship with a complete wack-job narcissist. She’s now 12 weeks pregnant and he left her in such a cruel way emotionally and physically. I’m here to pick up the pieces because I love her and I know through this time, she will heal and grow stronger. She has a loving faith-filled family who will support her. She’s with me at this very moment and we’re going to listen to this timely video from you. Thank you!♥️

Narcissists love is lots of imagination and illusion! Most of it is about themselves! And/or getting supply..... it's calculating and fake! Thanks Stephanie! You help so many of us to understand these creatures....💞

Story of my life, he’s married for 6 years now and forget our story and everything I did for him like a sociopath. It’s a big trauma to deal with even after years.

I grieved i what I thought she was, what I was offering that was rejected- love, what could have been. Now I'm over it.

So accurate and describes the NPD ex I divorced. All relationships including with his children are transactional and conditional. In his malevolent delusional world humans are replaceable objects to be used to benefit him and only get what he wants as his servants and do his bidding to fight his fights as he also backstabs and blames them when his enemies come for him. He grooms , corrupts , manipulates , abuses, and coercively controls his victims creating his trauma bonds and cognitive dissonance. He robs them of their autonomy to become soulless shells of the authentic beautiful humans they once were . He takes on the imposter role of victim And rescuer As he proudly slithers away preying on his next victims.

I just started watching your narcissist videos two days ago and it’s painful to realize the literal abuse that I put up with for three years. I can’t believe I tolerated it as long as I did. The red flags were always there but it wasn’t until we moved in together six months ago that I couldn’t look past the red flags anymore

Love your breakthroughs in how the narcissistic “animal” behaves. What their world is. ❤

Thanks so much for all of the wisdom and truth you share around narcissists! My experience is that from the very beginning of the relationship, the narcissist is abusing, even before it becomes obvious, because they know it's all a lie, whether or not they delude themselves into believing their feelings and/or mask is real. The con is on from day 1 in my experience.

So true! It is IMPOSSIBLE for a narcissist to go deep. All of the conversations with my narcissist ex were superficial and more often than not about HIM. In the [almost] one year that we were together, he may have asked me once or twice how my day was. He rarely asked questions to get to know me on a deeper level. Whenever I said, "Don't you have any questions about me?" his response was that he was just "observing". What in the world is that garbage response?! I don't think he had a clue what a typical work day was even like for me. Any issues we had were NEVER resolved because we couldn't have a deep, honest discussion. Everything was perceived by him as an attack, when that was not the case. Even though we have now been broken up for over one year, I still experience sadness. I am still grieving the "illusion" I created in my head about this man. The reality is that this person does not exist and never will. Eventually, I know I will heal and get over him by keeping no contact and continuing to put one foot in front of the other. Healing takes time and all I can do is live my best life during this process, however long it may take.

You don't understand how much I needed this

Always important to ask oursleves questions about the red flags we have, or even those observation others point out to us. Visit ourselves, ask and try to speak honestly with ourselves.

A narcissist said that he believes the beginning IS real love for them and then a switch goes off within them.

passive aggressive coverts are the worst

My narcissist (ex) boyfriend began devaluing me after the 1st year of living together. That's when the abuse began. Fights, fake jealousy, fabricating stories to call me all names, etc and when he was nice to me...he bullied me for fun...One month he was happy the next month, out of nowhere, he was angry all the time. It's sad. He was actually a nice and cool person under that damaged persona, but he had horrible parents. I cried when I met his mother and when I confirmed his childhood stories. I loved him more after that. But I had enough. After 4 more years of being a placeholder, not being sure if he did or didn't love me, I did the math and broke up. I still miss him from time to time, but only the good side. He never spoke to me again. It's kind of unsettling, but...that's a narcissist. They can't deal with emotions, they don't feel love like we do.

This video is my husband to the t. Currently going through the discard phase; but unlike other times, i have reach my breaking point. I have reached my limit. In the spiritual sense, these past two weeks have been hell. Your videos are helping me soo much though. Also TD jakes preaching titled, "the courage to change" has been a help. Thank you.

Such an insightful video- Even though I have been out of a narc relationship for almost 3 years I still watch your videos because knowledge is power. It was not until I left that I realised just how emotionally abusive and toxic my ex wasp The gaslighing and the silent treatment. The walking out of resturants the walking away from me the cursing the belittling me walking on egg shells- I thought he broke me but in fact he made me realise I am so much more than his abuse and I am glad i left. Thank you Stephanie x

Love your videos, they mean a lot to me because it's like somebody understands and reminds me that abuse is not easy to just "get over"

Thank you for this - my wedding anniversary with my narc ex-husband was on August 7th. This video has impeccable timing and helps a lot in my healing process.

I just want to let you know a little bit about what you have done for me as far as helping me! I was in a very toxic, narcissistic relationship with a family member, and for years I didn’t realize what was going on. I just thought I was a bad person and could never do enough, and everyone always told me how sweet I was but this person‘s opinion I cared a lot about because I felt like this person knew me better than anyone. Your videos made me feel like I wasn’t alone I felt like you were the person that I didn’t have in my life that would help me. I grew up in foster care, so I’m out here alone I’m 26 but anyway, thank you so much for making these videos. Sending prayers of love and joy to you and your family. Bless her Lord in everything that she does. Satisfy her and her family with long life and joy.

The one thing I learned too is, we knew in our hearts we love them that's why we are here validating ourselves to know if our decision is right when we choose to leave and to stop them from what they doing bad on us! It feels miserable guilt conscience and blames our selves! But only we can answer the question and pushing our self to move on because they aren't going to do that for us! The pain that we feel and the grief I pray that God helps us to heal our broken heart and lead us to the right path that he wanted for us! I just cry I think 3 times a day and think what happens I want to feel all the pain! And accept that he is gone! That he is only the part of my life.

I am a 47 years old man who basically trashed his life away for about twenty years with the most ignorant, unjust and empty person I could ever picture in my mind. Except it was my real life, I thought she needed help to grow but I overextended and lost the opportunity to create a real thing with someone worthwhile. She is in the other room and I just feel the loneliest person ever. But I am definitely over this.

"I`m good/I have you"!!!

Growing up in a toxic family its no wonder it seemed right to gravitate to a toxic broken person. it became even worse as time went on. Never good enough, my needs were irrelevant. Same as my core family. Videos like these are helpful. Ive had to do a lot of soul searching and realize my choices were my choices and i have to change in order to be happy with myself. Not an easy task. but we can get through this , i believe or tell my self that. Fake it till i make it

Stephanie, I must say out of everyone I have ever watched on KZfaq and have read so many books etc etc YOU are the only one that explains all of this on a simple and altruistic level. It’s plain and clear and so spot on. Easy to understand without all the fluff and technical stuff per say. Even though I understand all the others I guess I’m trying to say you have made it so plain and given the specific clarity of EXACTLY what I just went through. I mis-read some of those red flags but ended the relationship early on even though we are married. Before me he was in a 20 yr marriage so in this video you explaining the shortness and longevity explains a lot! Thank you so very much for all your videos and advice.

Wow. I watch you speak from experience no? Youre literally unstoppable. Its gonna be hard for someone to catch you off guard

Excellent!!!

100% thank you!

Spot on!! 100%.

Thank you! I so needed to hear this.

A hollow shell is a hollow sell no matter what form they try to morph themselves into!

I am so glad I came across this one

I m so happy you are back again!

Thank you for your work 🙏

Amazing information! Thank you!

Amazing! Always. Thank you Stephanie

Spot on video. Thank you🙏

Said it best Steph!!!! Im learning lots from you, Happy Tuesday!!!

that's an amazing analysis or great point of views on the whole issue.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!

I just started watching your channel and you have taught me so much. Thank you.

... great video again ... defining illusion is important ...

Ty Stephanie!

I always like ur videos before they even start bc I know they're always so helpful

THIS VIDEO OMG just what I needed 🙏🏽 so accurate. Thank you ❤️

Well explained

This is so spot on!amazing Thank you 🙏

The most difficult part for me, the victim, was coming to grips with the fact that it was all illusion. She was manipulating me for what I owned, my money etc. Again it was so hard to accept and that's because those of us who are normal don't process like they do. They are whacked, have used you and you must accept this fact. In quiet times just sit back and really focus on their behavior; past and present. It will become obvious that no normal person could do what these monsters do.

Thank u much appreciated

Thank you so much, one of the best videos i ever listen to!!!!

Your always on point! Glad to have you teaching us about narcissist. Exactly what you said today has happened to me and continue to go through. It's almost over for me soon. Thank you.

Brilliant video. Thank you!

A 110 days of no contact and I've never felt so much better. I could not see the manipulation and lies before my eyes.

Listening to you gives me so much clarity! 🙌🏼

I couldn’t tolerate more his disrespect, now I’m the abuser and he is the victim- lashing me out w his family and friends. It’s embarrassing and so sad 😞 to know my husband wants to destroy me 😔💔💔

if only i knew these things before. wow this is sooo relatable. It helped me a lot when I decided to leave for good. I have peace of mind now

You have helped bring so much that ( I overlooked ) too the light! Thank you!

Perfect video

such a good video ! thank you Steph

Stephanie, how you explained it was so amazing. Thank you for doing what you do ❤️

I feel like this was meant for me to see you today! Wow. Thank you for being amazing and putting things into perspective.

Hi Stephanie I just watched one of your videos this is my second one now and I really like your style and your information looking forward some more videos I subbed thank you

You have really opened my eyes 👀 to my relationship with my aunt thank you

Thank you 🙏

Thanks for your kindness,

You are definitely right, it takes a lot of effort and time to change the personality flaws. I am changing my personality a lot since I have started the huge progress have been made and I am a much more loveable person than before but it took me a lot of time and effort.

Thank you

thank you

You are amazing. Thank you ❤

Thanks!

That describes it perfectly,soul wounded,and they do it on PURPOSE,pretty disturbed

This knowledge is priceless. You are doing a great job. Thank You :-)

The true NPD also gets a hit when the give to take away any or everything, to get a rush and a reaction. The emotional blackmail is so damaging. NOTHING is worth whatever you get/got. He started a new relationship behind my back, she has no idea he was cheating on her with me!

Excellent video!!You are fantastic Stephanie:)

Thanks for all the helpful videos. I was going through a separation years ago and whenever things felt overwhelming I would put on one of your videos. Really helped me get through a rough patch in my life.

I don't have any of these issues with my dog

Thank you for this. I’ve been watching your channel and you’ve really helped me understand what I experienced with my ex narc BF. I broke up with him only a few weeks ago after realizing what kind of relationship I was in for 6 years. This video especially has really validated what I’ve been feeling and wondering about it all. Trying to work through my recovery now with help from a therapist and your words of wisdom. Thank you!!

Yes, the subtle chipping away, brings confusion!!

Thank you for a great description of the narcisistic abuse cycle. These are not relationships but transactions.

Good video. Thank you. I’m very early in the discard phase. Me discarding her. I am going to get through this.

I love your videos you explain them so well. That’s where my boyfriend always gets me confused because any little idea that we can talk about he immediately disagrees with me or he tells me I can’t do that and I used to be such a confident and glowing person and now I don’t even wanna go to the grocery store because I think everyone is thinking bad things about me

Thank you SO much for your channel. You are making a huge difference

Awesome video! Lived with this for 30 years.

"Wow"!!!

Hi Stephanie!! I absolutely love your videos! They’ve been super helpful! I was wondering if you are able to make a video of when you know your not ready to make a change and are choosing to be stuck on habitual thoughts/ behaviors.

If they are not aware of themselves they won’t change. Thanks Stephanie.

Now I understand why I always felt something wrong on how they treated but never could explain to myself what is it called as and constantly being manipulated and not sure how to face them

Spot on video 👊💪 Thank you!!

Another fantastic video Stephanie, I'm so grateful for your amazing work, you changed my life, thank you so much.

You just descibed my relationsship with my ex.!! Its been 2,5 months since I went “no contact” with him. He tried to hoover me back a month ago but I ignored him completely. Its SO tough realizing the truth about the relationship and his abuse of me. He was very toxic looking back and I’m glad hes gone, but I’m devastated having gone through an abortion - he wanted me to have - and when I said goodbye because he wasn’t good to me he asked another girl out 5 min later (I know because I had made a fake profile). Thank you so much Stephanie for your videos - they help a lot! ❤