My philosophy…Friends for a reason. Friends for a season. Friends for life.

I really believe that if people want to walk out of your life, LET THEM GO!!!! That sadly included some blood family members. I don’t walk away from people to teach them a lesson, I walk away because I finally learned MY LESSON!!!!

Another point to add here; if someone is seemingly cutting you out of their life, it's not always about you. People who develop depression, which isn't always obvious, often become retracted and avoid social interactions wherever possible. I went through a bad patch in my life in my twenties and became very reclusive. Even my phone ringing would be enough to fill me with dread and give me panic attacks. I don't blame anyone but myself, but thought I'd share my reasons.

I love it when toxic people leave. It’s like the trash took itself out

If you have one good true friend, you have more than most.

I also think it's important to not demonize someone who decides to "get rid of" us. If we're perceived as someone's yellow, that's valid. Why would we chastise someone who is doing the very thing we are trying to do? Maybe they aren't capable of seeing our green, or perhaps we are living inauthentically. I personally feel like the most accurate measurement of the state of our mental health is where we place focus. If we make everything about other people, and refuse to reflect and look at ourselves - we are refusing to be accountable...we are yellow pretending to be green. We are the problem. Period.

For us neurodivergent types, being authentic can make oranges respond with hostility bc you're not following social rules and it freaks them out. It took me a while to realize that is not a bad thing even though it feels like they hate you. All it's doing is showing you in very clear terms that you and that person are so very different that you will never be friends. And it makes you cherish the few greens in your life that accept all your oddness.

I had a green friend, a friend of about 30+ years, but she died a year ago and I miss her so much. Now I have friends that are green with a bit of yellow mixed in. Good friends - but I do have to hold something back. But we do need some people in our lives. The result is that I'm starting to isolate myself up to a degree. don't get me wrong, I'm very happy in my own company but I'm a bit lonely. Lonely for the green.

Well, at the risk of sounding cheesy (who, me?!) Kermit said it first: it's not easy being green. This is great; thank you.

I guess this explains why, after 60yrs I can count my friends on one hand. Thank you.

This seems absolutist. I find different people have different needs for friendship and different friend functions. Some are best for doing stuff with. Some want to talk. Some want to move ahead in a growth mindset and want comrades for accountability.

The memory trigger. 23 years ago I received a phone call from my friend in England at 1am a few days into Jan. She said she rang to let me know this time of the year she cleared out her address book of people she wasn’t friends with any more, and I was one of those people. I was shocked and she shared some reasons eg me not visiting her when I said I would. She stayed with me whenever she came back to Australia and we were in regular contact. I shared how much I loved her and valued our friendship. She said I knew nothing about her. That was the last time we spoke. All these years later, writing this makes me feel the same emotions that arose during that phone call. I miss her.

I've walked away from friendships that were toxic and one sided

Wow, this is depressing. I've never had a green friend. Those of you who do have been given such a gift.

Gotta have friends in the first place before you can get rid of any 😭

Nobody cut off for no reason and nobody cut off for one or two "mistakes". I cut off a couple of people in my life without any regret because they were given many oportunities to change their selfish behavior. Other people who cut me off, well they had their own reasons and for me its ok, I do not regret that as well. That's the life, someones come in, someones out.

Some things are more clear in other languages. For example we don't really call the yellow type 'friends' , we call them smth like 'acquaintance'

It's also possible that when you're truly yourself, no-one likes you. But that's okay too, it's still better to be alone and yourself than faking and have friends who don't like the real you.

My "friends" want me to be their therapist or lend them money that I will never get back. Or both. I have weeded all these people out now. Humanely, not by ghosting which is cruel. I have very few friends now but they are real and that's the way I like it.

Don't think for a moment that work friends are friends. Some business like to tout the We're One Big Happy Family line, but that's just to squeeze more of your energy out of you. My best friend is my dog 😊

I suffer from depression, exhaustion and social anxiety. I have isolated myself and stopped replying to people, friends and family. Except my mum. I cant explain, it just becomes so daunting. And now I have gone long enough that I dont know how to begin explaining or excusing it. This has been a problem for some years. The shame and disconnect becomes a vicious cycle. Depression also tells you that they are probably happy to be rid of you. People who dont suffer from this usually have a hard time understanding and trusting it. Before it happened to me I did too. Im not saying this is necessarily your friends case. But it might not be about you. It could be circumstances or a misunderstanding causing a longer break in contact. Not being accepted when you know you are mentally unwell is traumatic so it feels safer to avoid confrontation. Again, dont know how relevant, my point is, human behaviour is sometimes a bit more complicated to interpret than your therapist suggests. People go through crises. And sometimes we just grow in different directions. Sometimes for years, and then circle back.

“Ultimately, it’s our *own* falseness that does the damage.” Damn. So much truth in that one sentence. 🕊️➕❤️

Can we talk about why people just disappear? I'm one of those people. I'm an empath and have anxiety. I am also being evaluated for ADHD. When I disappear it's almost never about that person. It's about me being overwhelmed in life.

I would just like to send my love out to anyone reading this who feel that none of the people around them are green(I am so lucky to have one person who is) and fear stepping away from the yellows for fear of ending up entirely alone. I wish you strength.❤

I also had a friend of 20 years who dropped out of my life with no explanation after I separated from my husband. We had been there for each other through all the early childhood years, and shared so many good and hard times, including family holidays, and hour long phone chats when she moved to another town. What hurts is that I always felt I could be my completely open and authentic self with her, and that she was the same with me. It still hurts if I think about it, but after a few attempts initially to connect, I gave up, and accept that I will never know what made her withdraw. Happily I have other lifelong friends in my life, so I feel lucky.

People don't walk away without a reason.

I love how you share you don't need to walk away from anyone, you just need to go more deeply into your true nature and what needs to fade away will. *air kiss.

For years I thought I was friends with my boss; I was also her "right hand". I told her about my depression diagnosis and since then, for years, every time I did made a mistake at work, she'd say: "Well, maybe you need to have your medication changed!". I even told her not to do it because it was hurtful, but she never stopped. After our assistant's mother died, she'd reprimand her by saying: "Your mother wouldn't be proud of the job you're doing!", over and over again. So I distanced myself from the "friendship" realizing there had never been one. Harassment ensued. I'm now out of that job, happier and healthier

I had to stop spending time with a wonderful friend a couple of years ago. I really miss her, but she is in such a toxic relationship i can't hear about her partner anymore. I wish she would wake up, but she isn't likely to at this stage. I managed to ignore her situation and just focus on our friendship for several years, but once she got pregnant it was all about him. He gives me the creeps. Maybe one day he will get caught cheating again and they will break up for the last time. Then maybe id get in touch with her again. There is only so much support you can provide to someone that wants to choose toxic relationships.

I wish I had been presented this insight as a teen. I went to university a people pleaser and sacrificed my health trying to support a partner and a ‘friend’ neither of whom even asked me what was wrong when my in my second year I had a nervous breakdown, my health crumbled, I was hospitalised, my hair fell out and I began a constant stream of migraines. Both just claimed I was being unfair and deserting them… and yet I still didn’t learn my lesson. It’s taken me 40 years to learn it. I hope people teach their children this. Compassion is a wonderful thing, but there are plenty of people out there who think that by using the word friend they can control you, and a mixture of loneliness, guilt and pity can lead you down some very dead ends.

Pat lives down the block and we got into the habit of having coffee every Sat. For 2 years. Until I realized that while I know everything about her ....she doesn't know if I have a sister..or kids...or what kind of work I used to do.

People can be very good friends, but just not for life. Hopefully, we are all learning, growing and changing throughout life; therefore it’s natural that sometimes you’ll just drift apart as you no longer have the same things in common. It sounds pretty stagnant to have things stay the same your whole life.

As someone who only found out they are autistic in adulthood, people often got me wrong. I am a bad friend to many in the sense of just not being good at keeping contact. But if I meet someone after years, I still appreciate them the same way I used to. It's not like I really left them. But people will get angry at me for it, while for me nothing has changed and I still see them as friends. If someone tells me about a mistake they made or a misunderstanding and I genuinely think they made a mistake, I will say so instead of cheering them on. I was told I was supposed to tell them they were in the right, but honestly, I just find it better to accompany them through being in the wrong. That's just the way I see things. I don't feel any different about them, everyone makes mistakes. Yet again, people may feel betrayed or left alone while I don't see it like that. I think it's important to realize that people don't view friendships and people the same way. For me it was inevitable, but I think everyone struggles with this. And it's important not to identify yourself with or through other people.

This pertains to family also. Sometimes even more so.

I believe people with deep values have that compassionate and good energy when you interact with them, whether an acquaintance or a green friend.

I always divide friends in two groups, low-mainteance and high-maintenance. The low-maintenance is a friend who I can meet up even after ten years with no pressure like we just met yesterday and the friendship never stales, the high-mainteance is someone who needs frequent talk or activity throughout the month to keep the contact so the friendship doesn't stagnate

So true on the yellow - she went away all by herself. I just started setting boundaries on my time and availability as she would only call me when convenient to her, usually while driving, and I never liked picking up the phone on a whim, especially knowing how draining those convos were going to be. After telling her "I'd love to talk but I need a scheduled call" and then not making myself available to reschedule a visit (I was only in town for a week) after she texted to flake 10 min past our meeting time, never heard from her again.

This story has just shown how you think about your friends. In my experience the trouble with wise owl therapists is that they are just people who have issues & flaws like anyone else. I have known a therapist who would get high with a group of us & then would try to analyse our problems, It was tedious getting life advice from someone who was as wasted as we were..When I gave up everything I felt she could barely hide her disappointment. I feel the problem the therapist had was she would choose to deflect & lecture us rather than honestly evaluating her own issues. My friends are flawed they like me, they come & go & are free to do so.

Overtly convoluted.. Anyone who is foolish enough to leave you be smart enough to let them go. Believe me, in time to come YOU'LL know it was a blessing! Letting go WILL SET YOU FREE.

Cutting people off is really the thing these days. I’ve done it and I’ve had it done. Honestly it seems really passive-aggressive and I love the idea that “being green for yourself” honors everyone involved

You don't even have to walk away, you simply stop rowing, and you realise you were the only one in the boat all along. Stop rowing the friendship boat. Either it stays the course or it immediately starts drifting. Which clarifies things nicely for you. And any anger you feel will be anger at yourself for being such a mug thinking the other person actually gave a toss about you. Because the fact is nobody gives a real toss about you, apart from your spouse or children. The sooner people snap out of their magical thinking Disney movie delusion about real life, the better.

I think that's normal and ok to cut people out of our life if we need to. this is a need, not a whim. I felt betrayed just some months ago, and then realized I was the one who tolerated false friends around me. actually, I was trying to be more open minded, to not criticize so much, to accept people as they are, so I turned a blind eye to so many little details that itched me where I couldn't scratch.... I thought I was doing the right thing, and then life blew it all up. life, you know.... there is nothing better than a big test of life to make false friends disappear. thanks for the tip. I agree with you, dangerous people are not the bad ones. dangerous people are always the ones that are just a little bit annoying. the tao te king says: happiness lies in the attention to little details, and unhappiness lies in the inattention to little details. it says it all....

This categorisation is untrue and unhelpful to me. There are different kinds of friendship but they are all needed and part of life. Some will stay and some will go but they are all part of me in a way. People change and it’s normal to fall out, for a wide range of different reasons. I do agree with being authentic. But it’s not the only factor in friendship. Friendship, like romantic relationships, require work. You take care of the people who take care of you back.

If we as humans accept impermanence, change and staying in the moment- then we don't have to lament the over complicated/conditioned process of "friendship". We have everything we need inside, and don't have to go looking outside. I am happy to let the waves of small friendships come and go, I find it more freeing and healthy. Nothing is forever.

Well, I'm the "bad guy" in this story. I finally had to cut ties after 45 years of a friendship. I never wanted to " throw anyone away". Many hints and discussions had occurred over the years. The dear friend simply could not alter their behavior at all. I felt used, taken for granted and unimportant. I loved this friend since 6 yrs of age. We went thru thick and thin. She could NEVER be on time. If she showed up she was an hour + late and have some silly reason to leave early. She would be on the phone during our visits or outings. We might plan a trip together and she would wait until an hour before we were to leave and cancel. Leaving me with no time to invite someone else. These antics were all done under the guise of her "being so concerned for someone else at the moment" and virtue signalling. I never did this to her and it is very hurtful. She isn't a mean person. Just stupid and thoughtless. It's sad beyond belief.

There isn't always a need for drama or even decision- people come in and out of one's life all the time. Change jobs, move away, leave romantic relationships when it was their partner to whom you were somewhat closer or to whom you have obligations, and so on. Nothing is forever.

My guess is.....one thing most people probably don't get is how do we come across to others? You may think of yourself as a particular known quality of behaviour but that doesn't mean other people experience you that way. You could think you're charming or impressive or understanding or a good listener or caring or fun yet other people would never describe you that way at all. So when people react to you in a way that makes no sense you may think of them as orange or yellow and if they ghost you it's their bad. Maybe yes, maybe no. The biggest hurdle is telling your "friends" exactly why you would ghost them. Nobody wants to have that conversation.

I had two yellow friends last year. I thought they were both green. I think they both were at one point, honestly. I remained myself, though, and I’m no longer friends with either of them anymore. While they began to lie, neglect, and manipulate, so I remained myself and started spending time with other people. It was painful, especially because I began to like one of those people romantically, but I look within myself now and I am SO happy I didn’t sacrifice my character just to keep them around. Falling-out with friends always sucks. But it’s part of growing up. Someone once told me something along the lines of: "Growing isn’t always about becoming someone new, sometimes it’s about facing the challenges in your life without letting go of who you are." I definitely relate to this. I've always been someone who loves who I was as a kid, and I’m proud whenever people recognize I’m still a child at heart. I have the resources of an adult, but my inner-child is very well-taken care of.

So, gracious of you to assume I have friends. I have none. Whatever I thought I had I don't anymore. I left people left and right. Now, I am alone but I am away from toxic enemies disguised as friends. I cut off all the people in my life. I know it is dreadful to learn you are alone in this world but I am okay to take that challenge rather than living life for others. I've had it enough. I no more can handle anything. Let me die in peace.

The core advice here is simply to be your authentic true self. You don't have to forcefully cut ties with people. It will happen naturally that authentic people will be drawn to you when you are authentic.

Everybody is the green, orange or yellow of somebody else. That is what we really need to understand.

A few years before high school, one of the first people I considered my best friend also cut me off from her life. My whole high school period was a whirlwind of negative emotions, sadness, loss of self-confidence and a lot of internet testing to finally decide what personality I should have so I would never have to deal with that kind of abandonment again. Looking back, I'm afraid I was that "Orange" or "Yellow" friend to her. It was someone who loved attention as much as I do and who was always looking for more in others than they could give her (like me today, to be honest) and who therefore always ended up disappointed. I'd read somewhere that people don't abandon those they love; I wanted to reassure myself that we'd never been friends anyway, so that's why it was so easy for her to leave. But I guess I just couldn't accept the fact that I hadn't been a good friend TO her. That I didn't live up to HER expectations. With her, and other friends, we were a group of four. And it was during those long years after she left that I realised that it wasn't my fault. It wasn't that I wasn't enough, in fact, I had only been an experiment for her, a way of testing the waters to find out who she really wanted in her life. I'd reached to a metaphor: I was just the key to the box she desperately wanted to open; once that was done, there was no point in keeping me. I WAS a good friend, I supported her from beginning to end, I was there for her at every stage of her life; my only mistake was to question what she believed to be true for herself. We didn't often share the same opinions. She wasn't looking for a friend, she was looking for a mirror, and I didn't reflect what she wanted to see. These remaining friends from our defunct group have shown me what true friendship is. To be there, whatever happens, even if you don't understand, even if you don't feel the same pain. To love without precedent; to support without regret. My "Green" friends have been my friends for over 7 years now, and it doesn't matter that we're far apart because of our lives, that we don't always share the same philosophy, that our personalities are different; when I think of true love, they're the first ones that come to mind.

I love your clear explanation, thank you. I too had a friend of more than 25 years, my best friend, walk out of my life following a break-up she had. I was devastated and grieved deeply. But, eventually, I let go and now I love her from a distance and I'm incredibly grateful for the years we were close friends.

I guess it counts as ghosting, maybe a mutual ghosting, because 6 months ago was the last text I sent to a friend who I considered for years to be a close friend and she never responded to my text (I know through other avenues that she's not like, dead or something). I didn't try to reach back out and I just feel... relieved. You can outgrow a friend, and that's what happened here. For a long time before she kept making decisions that would harm her or make her miserable, ask for my help and advice, and then continue doing it, being like "I can never change to be a better person, haha." I realized that after being around her I'd feel so drained and literally have to lay down. It was time. In a way, I'm lucky that being neurodivergent gives me a pretty good litmus test for if people are going to be close friends or not: 1. They continue wanting to hang out fully knowing my weirdness and 2. If I feel energized after being around them instead of feeling like I need to "sleep it off." I think everyone needs to ask themselves: how badly would I be hurting if this person weren't in my life anymore? And if the answer is "a lot", you need to prioritize those people in your life. If they feel the same about you, they'll already be doing that. And for any relationship that is skewed one way or the other, I'm not sure if the energy to keep that dynamic up is worth it. One person having stronger feelings than the other is usually exhausting and awkward.

No one needs green yellow or orange friends as the best friend you will ever have is your breath. It's transparent.

Very insightful. This leads to the self-aware question of what colors would our "friends" see us as? Friendship is bilateral.

You’re not going to make everyone happy-you’re not pie. YT found this for me after overhearing my slack conference because our business partnership is divorcing because she was a big phoney. Glad to see that door close. Wise words.

A green friend can have a different opinion, a different perception, a different outlook. That's fine. It makes conversations interesting rather than mere politeness, mutual agreement all the time.

I super agree. The green friends are easier to get along with and are people I look forward to hanging out with. While I don't think we need to necessarily cut friends out, it's important to distance ourselves from people if they're regularly causing stress.

I made friends easily but they were not friends for life..and I never wanted friends that didn't understand me...I'm a very solitary person even as a child...product of what I experienced, always being changed places to live etc...I made 3 great friends that I had for as long as they lived...they all passed away from cancer...after that I was busy working ...I believe in being friends and will be there for them till I can't be, life decides that...thank you..very interesting!!

I decided some time ago to be myself. No ifs no buts to quote a well-known politician. That's why I've no friends these days.

You perfectly described my Yellow friend. When she stops by (frequently) to visit unannounced and unexpected, she must first find something to insult before the visit can begin: "Your shirt is dirty" "Your house smells funny" "My goodness look at the dust". When she invites me to things, she issues only half of an invite, calling me at 6:30 for a dinner party that starts at 7:00, saying "We MUST see this show while it's in town" and then never setting a date; asking me to accompany her to an event as she's pulling out of the driveway on the way to the event. When she had a new porch built, she invited me to come see it, but only when she was at work. She asked me to come take pictures of robins nesting in her lilac trees but only while she was at work. Every tour of my garden involves her pointing out the weeds. I renovated portions of my house and she pointed out that the paint was peeling in the basement stairwell. Now that I know this about her, I take it all in stride with good humor.

Exactly same happened to me when my Dad died unexpectedly, so hurtful. Thankyou this makes sense. What I couldn't accept was the fact we had been friends for so long or so I thought. Incredibly hurtful especially as I was grieving. She didn't even stay around long enough to see the raw me😢.

I have very few friends. My husband and grown children are my friends. I am fine with it.

I'm fortunate that I was one of those people who was always unapologetically themselves growing up, even as a teen, and it got me some true friends who I'm still close with 20 years down the road. Do I have a lot of friends? No. But the ones I have are true ❤

Well I had a therapist who had a lot of very interesting perspectives on authenticity and self-worth, fascinating stuff. At the end of the day though the takeaway is that if you're not friends with yourself, in other words green for yourself, you're not going to be truly green for somebody else.

God always let’s me know when I am missing stuff that is right In My Face. I AM blessed because once you know …the weirdness ends and you are FREE.

Love this. So much to take from this, especially the fact that even if we want to be liked by everyone, it is nearly impossible for everyone to like our authentic selves, but as you say, doesn't mean they're a bad person.

I was cut off by a close friend of 20+ years last year. No explanation. Absolutely horrible. The wounds last so much longer than a breakup. Cuts very deep.

Luv ur video. Just lost best friends after over 20 years of friendship, I discovered that to have a good lasting relationship, just be yourself from the beginning. That way ur being honest of what they will deal with from the start so they don't complain later😅

In a world full of narcissistics and energy vampires I'm done with friends

This reminds me of the Franz Kafka quote; "I was ashamed of myself when I realised that life is a masquerade party, and I attended with my real face." I pulled away from a Yellow 'friend' last year. This woman did everything she could do belittle me to build herself up, and I had enough. I didn't feel the need to explain what I was doing, as I think she has covert narcissistic traits. My only sadness comes from losing another friend that this Yellow person manipulated. Yellow is 59 years old, and the other friend and I are in our late 40's and had been friends for 12 years.

I walked away from many friendships. Saved my life! Narcissists don’t change. For me that was the reason I cut out my friends.

Powerful. The moment I began to value and trust myself created a shift in my world. I didn't have to try to release people...they released themselves...and I let them. 🔐

It's beautiful when , after YEARS of getting it wrong, you finally figure it out ❤️🥰

❤Thank you for this, I had the same happen, a ride or die friend of 20 years simply disappeared, there was no drama, I kept reaching out, but for whatever unknown reason he just didn’t reach back anymore. It hurt like hell, but I just learned to love the memories and move on❤

Here on the other side, being the one that ended a friendship. Sometimes especially with people that have been a part of our life for a long time, if there’s lack of respect things could get ugly. With my friend she was my wingman I could always rely on her during whole high school, maybe a little too much, and we went though a lot. Unfortunately with all that happened sometimes I didn’t communicate some issues on my side and that ends up with now. I don’t enjoy spending time with her anymore because I have some resentment for all that happened, and also I’m changing as a person and don’t want to associate with who I was in my teen years. Unfortunately being with her and some of her toxic tendencies makes me feel like the old me I’m trying to detach from. Probably it won’t help in any way trying to explain it to her so I just let our friendship fade. She tried to confront me via text some time ago, but why open up a wound again, the hurt she could go through would be worse and I’m ok with being pictured the bad guy. I hope if you’ve been “ dumped “ by your friend this could help.

this just makes me realise how abusive and toxic my friendships growing up were that they don’t even fit into any of these categories…. like what colour is someone who you think is a green but treats you like shit out of no where and that behaviour runs a cycle for years until your self confidence collapses ???

Thank you, thank you, thank you.. you just summarized and explained my recent decisions in 3 minutes. I recently shut down friendship which lasted for 25 years. It didn't served me, I felt drained, I didn't trust this person, I didn't cry out to this person but I kept the relationship because of loyalty and our "past". You jest helped me with guilt I feel because of my decision.

I have a couple green friends who cheer me on and care for me and all my weirdness, but they live really far away. I don’t see them very much anymore. I haven’t made any friends in my area and I just realized that that’s ok. Maybe it’s just not the time or season for me to make new green friends. The right people will come.

I had a friend who thought nothing of casually putting me down or retelling an upsetting incident that happened to me. For years I dismissed my real feelings and believed they didn't mean a word of it. And then they ghosted me. I don't miss them at all, but I'm annoyed with myself for refusing to acknowledge what was really happening. They say there's no fool like an old fool. It's true!

I hate if when your friends who you think they are friends just disappear n never talk to you again n not giving you a reason. It's s horrible thing to do to someone. I've had that find yo me many times. Especially when I cared so much for them. You go through the stages of grief when that happens.

30 years of friendship and I got dumped when she was free of her husband and got herself a boyfriend!!

Huh, bloody interesting stuff (subbed!). I'm really glad this was recommended to me as I am definitely dealing with an orange friend at the moment. He only seems to turn 'green' when he can relate to me (i.e. when I'm equally as unhappy in my life as he is). Now that I think about it, he's borderline yellow... Thanks very much for this food for thought!

My entire group was yellow. I chucked them all on New Years at midnight. Not putting up with their shenanigans in 2024 🙌🏼 wish I ended it sooner, but New Years felt cathartic after they invited me to a New Year’s party (back in October!) but never told me what time. Then assumed I didn’t come because I was ill. Wtf. This was the final straw after 2 years of their stress. I’m well rid of them 👏🏻

This has been so helpful for me, thank you for making it. Have let go of a lot of yellow friends (90% of my social group) as I've recovered from deep trauma, reconnected with my family, and generally stopped running from myself and I've watched this a lot to validate and reassure myself as I process the pain of surrendering and letting go

I had a friend of 40 yrs. We were very different but I was proud that we had remained friends so long. However, when I got cancer and needed just moral support she couldn’t even bother to check up on me. She texted. So I reevaluated her friendship and realized she had never been a friend. Just a good time superficial girl. And I decided life is short and I was done. She wrote me a letter after many attempted calls. I never read it and it has been a year. No idea where it is and no desire to read it. I was there for her divorce, parents deaths and more. And you know what? I’m ok with my decision.

When I started therapy and healing, and learned about boundaries and about my own needs and healthy ways of expressing those, and started to stand up for myself in an assertive way, and practice the word no: instant color reveal. It was pretty sad actually, cause I thought many of those people (including family) will be happy about me choosing health..boy the awakening was rude. One could say that the reason why they walked away was me, but not because I was toxic/insecure/fearful/selfish etc. (probably in their eyes for not centering and serving their needs while neglecting mine), but on the contrary, because I was not participating in the toxic dance anymore, and I choose my peace. 'Nice' friends can become pretty nasty when you stop going along with their BS. So sometimes the reason why they are walking away is that they were using you for their own needs, and your needs were not part of their idea of what friendship means. The grief is real though.

I loved this! This really hit home because I have gone thru a break up with a friend of 40 years who did it by sending a letter

I need a clear definition of an ‘Orange Friend’ 🙏🏻

Friends can actually change you, you get shape by socializing, that's probably why i have no specific shape or form since i always had an isolated life , so i don't know what's my green or yellow. One friend calls me weird so i should learn to be lee weird. I don't know, aren't we the average of our circle of closest people? Don't we change by changing our people?

I kept a "Yellow" friendship because I felt I owed her (for a past favor) and didn't want to hurt/upset her. But, after years of a one-sided friendship, I finally walked away and it didn't fade her at all. When helping someone hurts You more...it's time!

A single green friend is so much better than having tons of yellow or orange "friends". Tbh I think that the green friend can even be a cat

I’d avoid RED !! Red flags 🚩 RUN 🏃‍♂️

I ditched a whole group of friends because they weren’t friends.. the things they’d say .. a veritable vipers nest of people but I actually DID end living in France..😂❤

A friend of twenty years - who I thought of as my best friend - ditched me suddenly & completely, too. She didn’t think I was her kind of person & was always critical of me, but I tried to let that be - she had a rough childhood & I loved her anyway. The thing is, I guess I am better off without her, but I don’t regret our friendship & still love her 25 years on. We needed each other as children growing up in difficult situations & she helped shape my life. Friendships aren’t always just about what they do for us. They’re also about what we can do for others - a fresh perspective, a good laugh, an honest opinion… Fleeting or lasting, I believe everyone in my life offers something. Anyway, the colours keep shifting & changing with time so now I’m just going with the flow.

I agree. Yellow just isn't happening. But Orange can be worth hanging onto if both parties are putting in the effort.

Thank you. Good story. It helped me find peace. I expressed my authentic feelings in loving ways and my sister ghosted me after it. Even though I'd been respecting her feelings all along. For some time after being ghosted I allowed it to impact my emotional and physical well-being and I desperately checked my inbox daily incase she wrote to me but she never did. And not having closure due to being ghosted I did go into self blame for some time. But I do see I was twisting myself and suppressing myself for fear of abandonment because that's what my other family members did that it took me tremendous courage for me to express my authentic feelingswith her even if in a short loving way. . But I received no reply in any way and i got abandoned amd dumped asif i was nithing to her over something so tiny. I can see she was really yellow and actually never loved me at all unless I fit into her control of who and what I should be or feel. She always stepped over my boundaries she acted like she knew best. I've since learned saying no lovingly to what doest feel OK is the best way to see who truly cares and respects us.

I actually can't tell the difference between yellow and orange friends based off of this explanation. Would it be possible to have a more specific explanation?

My long-time friend also kinda disappeared and it was deeply traumatising, because I thought we were very close and very similar. She had apparently had some changes in her life, maybe she rejected me because of that. I tried talking with her but it never went very well, she pushed me away coldly. Earlier she had always confided in me and said she could never talk to anyone else as freely as to me, so it was very confusing to me. Maybe her own change made her unconsciously scared that I would reject her new self? I can only guess. I wish people would not ghost friends, especially those who have supported them unconditionally. It's cruel to stop communicating for no reason. I was so worried for her and at the same time hurt. I still am a bit, honestly, but now I can live with it. I still wish she would have an open discussion with me, but I don't think that will ever happen. I have to admit, that I was not completely authentic in that relationship, I am chronically too nice to people and have a hard time disagreeing and dread conflict, so I make myself small. Maybe my friend could sense my inauthenticity and was afraid that I wasn't who she thought I was, or maybe not. I'm still so sad.