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Paradox: 1. Be in your power and let him lead 2. Don’t change him but you must be able to influence him 3. Give him your emotional life but do not be emotionally reactive 4. Find someone to fight with but do not take abuse 5. See his potential but date the present

My boundaries are so strong I'll never meet a man. He would have to be one of a kind. Trust is a high factor and takes time, these men have attention deficits and could never last in working towards a trusting loving relationship. Sign of the times. If you have to work a relationship like a job, HE IS NOT YOUR MAN.

Why is it that being in a relationship with a man is like having to permanently manipulate and placate a child? Not convinced there is such a thing as an emotionally mature man on the planet.

Ive never heard such masterpiece advice like this.. I love it.. Watched it 3 times already

"Selectively permeable" I fkn love that! Brilliant.

I so appreciate your wisdom for dating consciously! It's so nice to hear these empowered messages and advice when there's so many lower level videos out there. It's been helping me a lot. I'm in a long distance relationship, which I haven't heard a lot about on any videos (maybe you have some, I've just started listening to you). I feel like the circumstances that brought us together and a shared upbringing (our parents worked together overseas when we were kids) plus the deep inner work he's done throughout his life, make us such a perfect match! But, I'm getting mixed messages 1 1/2 years in (all long distance, only being together twice) and I'm not sure if it's life circumstances, job, finances being the difficulty in getting this relationship to progress, or if he's having second thoughts. He says he loves me and I believe him, and I love him. But listening to your video on breadcrumbing, I'm to the point of giving a gentle, loving ultimatum.

So important to distinguish between emotional vulnerability and emotional reactivity. It is so true that we hold many paradoxes. Great video.

This was great! I have never truly realized how I try to date a guys future and fantasize about how we could be or i hope us to be until I start listening to you. I truly didnt realize what i was doing then I am bummed when they never blossom into that person in my mind. You have opened up a whole new realm of how I need to evaluate my way of thinking and how I meet people and how I determine how I should move forward in any relationship and even how I handle myself and conflict in a relationship. You are on the money!!!🙏🏽Thank you!

Listen to his in depth explanation. 1. Be in your power, but let him lead. 2. Don't change him, but you must be able to influence him. 3. Give him your emotional life (authenticity), don't be emotionally reactive. 4. Find someone to fight with, but don't take abuse. 5. See his potential, but date the present.

U are one of the best coaches I have ever seen

I feel like this might be one of your best videos. Thank you. It was sooo helpful. It really hits home for anyone (not just a woman) trying learn healthy relationships.

Excellent advice! Wish I had heard this 20 years ago. I gave up looking for "my guy" when I turned 40, but many of my young girl friends are needing this sort of direction and encouragement in their dating journey NOW. I am happy to introduce them to your channel. Keep it coming, Jack!

Been your follower for sometime now. Jack, your relationship spirit is what I believe as mine all along. You just articulate it cleverly. Thank you🙏

I didnt comment on his post..its amazing how silence drew him back to me..😄💝🎈

See his potential, but date the present is literally what gets me in trouble EVERY time :( The last guy I dated was a hoarder. I didn't know that till months in. When he came to my house he always picked up with me. Initially he blamed the poor house conditions on his ex, then his kids, finally his health. I tried so hard to help him, but finally realized it was him. I'm still devastated, because that relationship was everything I wanted except for his hoarding and dog. I'm still trying to get over him. Those are the hardest guys to walk away from when everything else is amazing, but one thing like that. On top of it he broke up with me when I knew I should have broke it off months before, because of the hoarding. When he broke up with me I felt completely stupid.

Found you from Helena and I love your content. Thank you for elevating our awareness 🙏

I love your advice...not only on this video but in your other videos as well! I like that you don't advise us to do some kind of manipulation, but instead you're reminding us and inspiring us to love ourselves and examine ourselves and improve ourselves. You're helping us to identify whether the guy we're dealing with now is the right guy for us or not. I've seen videos from other relationship coaches as well and some of them give advice of some kind of manipulation tactics just to keep the guy.

Gosh, I struggle with the last point so much. It is very hard to calm down that inner critic, it hinders so many of my relationships. I’m working on it though. Thank you for this 🙌

Selective permeability... totally👍🏽 Yes, I want to be feminine, relax, let him lead, but still hold my power! Thanks for this video, your awesome!!! You explain things very well, very helpful!👍🏽

Solid advice Jack. Yet again!

He confuses me..gets me mad and sad sometimes..but I still love him..2 years now..💝💝🎁🎁🌹💐🎈

I'm not even sure why this video was in my feed, but I am so glad it was!! Beautifully said, all of it... especially the parts about emotional authenticity vs. reactivity - such an elegant (and accurate!) way to describe what too often occurs when we build our own expectations separate of the other person and don't share what we are truly feeling in the moment. I am guilty of doing this at times, and this video set off a light bulb/epiphany for me! Thank you :)

Just what I needed to hear Jack. Thank you so much. You make so much sense! ❤

Since life & relationships are full of paradoxes & contradictions, we have to accept them & gain our power by learning thru them! Awesome!💗

This is so insightful Jack! Thank you! 💕 Balance is what you teach and it is so easy for us to go to extremes when we are hurt.

I have been working on relaxing my inner critic towards my adult daughter, but did not label it that, which really helps, actually. I just got I DO have a fair amount of standards I desire others reach or meet and I have too many for myself. I am looking every day now at the restrictiveness of that and am working on how to be more of a go with the flow kind of person. It is certainly more fun. I just realized why I fell so hard for an unavailable man...because he had a lot more freedom to be.

Wow, Jack! This is a superb video! I will be watching this one again, many times, to receive the full power of your great message! I am in the process of rebuilding a relationship with someone I love, but a man who was abusive to me in the past. I have many trust issues around this relationship, and often just hold back from expressing myself for fear of being verbally and emotionally abused again. It’s like I’m trying so diligently to avoid that kind of pain at all costs! I want to fully express myself, for I’m a very loving, feminine woman, and I see the beautiful possibilities that could make this relationship so great. But I hold back because of the controlling underlying nature of this relationship, and I “go with the flow” so our time together will be smooth. Sometimes I just feel I’m at a loss as to how to have a great relationship with him. I feel the only way to make him happy would be to change everything about myself. I would greatly appreciate your thoughts.

Thank you so much Jack. You’re well spoken and clarify so much in this one video. It’s really resonating with me right now as a person from my past sprung up this past week. Everything you’ve mentioned I’ve been reflecting on as to why I walked away: our red flags, where my own inner critic would take over, his busy schedule with work, and the expectations we had of an exclusive partnership. Thank you for the grounded message.

Being in my 40s, I feel I'm in an in-between generation. What I mean is, I was raised by strong but kind men who were raised (obviously) to have focus and a sense of responsibility and integrity; yet all I see in my own generation and the younger generation is a lack of these characteristics. I'm fascinated (and appalled) by the excuses men give for their behavior - not too mention the male dating coaches blaming women and telling us women to walk on eggshells around these wimps. I am very close to my great Aunt and Uncle who are in their 80s and I am at their home often. I have watched some of these videos (of yours and others) with my Uncle and asked him what he thought. His first comment to me was "who raised these men?... they should be smacked!" My Great Uncle and his wife have been married 63 years. My grandparents were married for 59 years (until my grandmother passed away), they have had many friends who managed the same, ALL without games. And from their self-reporting, their marriages were good. They admit that life is hard and maintaining a romantic relationship is hard at times, but they also knew they were "much stronger against the storms together" (as my Aunt stated). Then my uncle immediately said "everyone wants to be alone and free now....let's see how that feels when life hits them between the eyes". He knows of what he speaks. He and my Aunt have endured illnesses, accidents, and the untimely death of two of their 3 children. And through all that, they made it - and they attribute that to having each other. But I digress... you may not INTENTIONALLY be doing anything to hurt someone (as a man), but THAT'S the problem!!! - Many men don't seem to have any INTENTION period! No moral compass. No firm sense of responsibility or character. No plan except to take from others and to live in perpetual adolescence. And then youtube people come along giving them excuses or worse - blaming women. Now I agree that women in the form of their mothers probably ARE to blame. Coddling these men or setting a bad example by allowing themselves to be treated like shit. But it is not the fault of their dating partners. A new dating partner barely knows you, and therefore has no reason to distrust you. Most of these breadcrumbers ARE showing interest at first and THEN start to pull this shit. In this scenario, how the hell can this be the woman's fault? Is she supposed to be psychic? Or is she supposed to enter into a romantic situation automatically being distrustful? And these paradoxes you speak of such as have boundaries, but don't be masculine, or do this (but not too much) or don't do that, etc... etc... Heres an idea... instead, how about men act like men of character again. 🤔 how about raising your sons to treat women with respect (unless they prove they don't deserve your respect), and how about not blaming women and expecting us to walk on eggshells? I doubt any of this will ever happen, however. It seems the gene pool is thinning out and excuses will continue to replace integrity.

Love the where in the world is Jack Butler video sites in your videos. That brings an element of beauty. Great work.

Well after hearing your video... thought I would share... not a open book, just felt pulled to say this... just lost my husband of 40 years... EVERYTHING you are teaching is so correct... true love for each other, lets all of this FALL into place... always use your better self, keep emotion in it's place... love, true love finds it's way... thanks Jack ... like I always say " your the best" ❤

Thank you Jack. More than you'll ever know.

This is worth listening to many times!

This is so on the "REAL"!!! Thank you 💞

As always, AHAs bubbling in my mind. Thanks!

Such brilliance! I have the inner critic going on with high standards. Things that really matter to me I always want them to matter to him but it just doesn't work that way. I am learning better ways to influence him without being so domineering.

The last one is epic. I'd love to see you do a collaboration with Dalexis of Mindful Attraction 2.0 & King Trident. Yall are awesome.

Such revelatory nuances in this intricate territory... Thank you! I loved every minute of your advices! I feel you built a warm space for me to step in, I feel protected...

Fieuuw so energy consuming to deal with a guy like that.. I was with a guy like that, being his psychologist. I was an emotional wreck, always giving not getting anything in return. His communication skills sucked. He shut down. He was an inmature boy. He kept a wall in front of him. I hit hard.

I just stumbled across this channel just today and just want to say THANKS! A lot of the dating advice deals with games and strategy and I find it useless and frustrating. This was really refreshing, I have a lot of work to do! :)

I wish I’d had this information 4 marriages ago. Actually way before that even! I have to unlearn a lot of bad information from that past 4 -5 decades and learn what a healthy relationship actually looks like and is. Thank you Jack! Maybe I don’t have to spend the rest of my life alone with my dog as my only companion.

This is one of my favorite of your videos so far! Great content. I love the way you approach the paradoxes - very useful reflection. Thanks so much!

Very well thought out video. I liked your first tip, communicate my boundaries, but do it in a way that the man would be willing to listen. Be feminine but hold my power. Really good stuff.

I had to revisit this one again! It makes much more sense hearing this while in relationship with a man.

Amazing jack. Popped on my feed with perfect timing as always. Cheers. ❤️

Such a Powerful video! U know how to see things from different perspectives and also view things thru different lenses... I had to take notes and I really like your points in no. 4

Jack, I love your teaching! I have learned most things in life are GRAY, not too many things are black or white. I need to be flexible in life and every man is different.

Thank you Jack for this absolutely excellent video🙏🏻 Really really helpful❤️

Hi jack ive always needed to share more things in the moment with relationships rather than bottling things up ! It really has helped me and thanks for you brilliant videos always insightful and a great help 😘😘

Very helpful. Not mommy-ing yet inspiring.

Oh my! Thank you Jack! A great video. A lot of food for thought I will be watching this several more times. I appreciate the help. 😊💚🌿

Very good advice! And very smart! There are many paradoxes in life.. and I think getting away from black and white thinking is the sign of emotional maturity and really being intentional and self-aware in everything you do. Good video :)

This has been great Jack thanks : ) .. When you went through these points I noticed some areas that I need to work on so thanks for this.

I love your stuff absolutely excellent! You get to the root :-)

You have great wisdom Jack. I got into this work (relationship training?) with an end goal of the 'happily ever after'. It's been a long road getting to a point of being able to hear what you sharing in this video. You have touched on a cycle I feel is so easy to return to when like me you are used to being goal oriented. Very insightful content. I will save it for future listening.

Thank you for this! So love and look forward to all of your videos! 💜

Jack you are brilliant!

I'm in a "dangerous " place with the man I'm talking with. This is our second round after I broke it off 4 mos ago. Been spending the last month hanging out, talking. ....a lot to sit with for me.

Thank you so much Jack !It is so clear ..it wont be easy to apply at the beginning or all the times but I feel this is the right way.Since our last talk I reflected at your suggestion to bring my medical judgement in approaching relationship. you are so right with @selective permeability paradox @/so powerful and true image. I would say the impact of this video is like the magic we see with an ill patient recovering within hours when giving the Right antibiotic . You can heal Jack ! Thank you ! G

OMG! Some of the best advice spoken. Thank you.

🤯💕💕💕 mind blown. Thank you. A lot of intuitive stuff that you confirm. Grateful.

Hi Jack. Looking forward to (with some anxiousness 😄) practicing all of these things in my next relationship ❤

So relevant for me atm. Thanks Jack ✌

Thank you for your videos. This one is very deep analyze. You are amazing.

Show me a guy who is in his masculine coming towards me and I will gladly let him lead. Haven't seen any yet...

this was very good video.. 💞 I will have to listen to it 1x a week.

Love this message make lots of sense.. u make some really good point..

Great video , thank you Jack 🙏❤

Great video!

All that you are saying is true for the majority of men. However for the % of men who are ready for a relationship. Who have done the inner work and are emotionally available you don’t have to walk on eggshells and don’t have to play all of this games. For me the game changer has been having a full life. A full social life and community that bring me joy and companionship do now I don’t take all of this low effort and low investment guys.

Fantastic video! Thank you! Learned so much!

Love this!🎉

Powerful information! Thank you

Amazing video!!! ❤️ Love love love it!!! Thank you 🙏

I recently gave the key 🔑 of my ❤️ to a man, then I realized, he held the key 🔑 then I realized I gave him the key 🔑 to find out he doesn’t want a relationship or doesn’t like me the same, then I realized if I gave him the key 🔑 to my ❤️ its on me!!!!! I can take my key 🔑 back!!!!!! I would much rather be alone then in a unrequited love, there is not much in the world as painful then loving someone who doesn’t love you back. For now I will not be so willing to give the key 🔑 too..... nope 👎 I might just lose my keys, then I won’t have one to give out!

THANK YOU SO MUCH JACK

I LOVE these, absolutely treasure wisdom. Thank you thank you thank you. Now how and when to teach our children these before they need to do damage control is a difficult task.

You always resonate with my soul! Thank you for teaching us women how to embrace our own self love, so we can love others! Champion of potential... Relax my inter critic! Yes!

This is awesome. I like this springboard from collaboration with Mat on bringing more of your feminine while positively influencing a man-not convincing him he needs to change but coming from a place of wholeness within you. Yes to bring more of the content of your emotional life to him. I believe this is a way in which a man will evoke his emotional vulnerability that brings a more connectedness with you. "Throw baby out of the bath water". Googleworthy. The emotional abandonment in childhood does effect each relationship if unresolved. I've had to come from a place of resolution of this and forgiveness work in order to hold power and create healthy boundaries.

WoW. Bro. Insightful. Thankyou.

This is an oldie but goodie. They all are good lol. I even remember my old comments i wrote lol.

You're addictive! Excellent teacher

Thank you, Jack!

"He's not the guy in this cycle.."

Listen to him.

You are amazing!

Thank you! 🥰

Jack you are amazing and your advice is the best ever. I really appreciate the golden knowledge you share with us all.. God bless you always.. Thank you sooooo much! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️😘❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

I need help!!! I met this guy who drives staff at night. He works 11hrs a day and gets two days off every second week. I asked for his number from a friend, after crushing for two months. We chatted but he wasn't really very responsive. I then told him while I enjoyed chatting I felt he wasn't as interested and that he might only be entertaining it out of politeness and that I'd let him off the hook. He didn't respond. I stopped chatting, we saw each other a few times and I was polite and friendly and so was he. After 3months he chatted to me again, I didnt ask what happened, I felt that he came back as he was ready to do this at his own pace. There are still excessively long periods that he doesn't chat, we've tried to see each other but it never materializes. I have told him that I can't do this hot n cold communication thing. To which he sincerely apologized and explained about work but no way forward or compromise was suggested. I really like, I mean he has me writing poetry - i don't write poetry😰 I see his potential, we're not friends yet even, never mind dating, I want more but don't know wot to do now

Bloody brilliant. Thank you xxx

💕Thank you. Very useful 💕

From Ottawa, canada and thank-you.

Hi Jack. Thanks for another video with so many words of wisdom. Your videos have been helping me a lot. I am from Portugal and it would be so good to see this kind of content in Portuguese as well. :) As you love to learn different languages, maybe you can learn Portuguese too. :D

Dealing with my Belgium baby boy that cannot put up with drama and conflict and since I have no idea what he is talking about it goes deaf ears.

Thankyou Jack x

EXCELLENT!!

Top down aproach. I need a bottom up approach. This is very intellectual.

Loved the video. How do u get in touch for one on one coaching?

Can you tell me your opinion please: if you think I was projecting or if he simply wasn’t the right guy, I think I know the answer tbh This guy said he really appreciated the way I carry myself online and said that he didn’t like the typical nude insta model (which I now know is a weird kind of compliment anyway) He was pursuing me and making the plans for dates etc we were getting closer, I let him stay over and I woke up to him at 3am sitting on his phone, this was after him spending a lot of time on the phone when we were supposed to be present. So after the date I decided to break things off, he completely denied it and said I never saw that I almost felt he was angry and dismissive. Around week later I got in touch as I wondered if I had been a bit dramatic as we were still getting to know each other, so then we started speaking and meeting up again, i then noticed him liking indecent photos of girls on Instagram, I was very upset because it was like a confirmation of what I thought. I just find it very hard to put my energy into more than one person, and wouldn’t want to jeopardise things the way he did. I then sent him a thought out message of my standards and how I would need him to unfollow the numerous girls he had. This is a reasonable standard isn’t it? He made it out as if this is normal in today’s society and I felt slightly confused. Anyway he dug his heels in and wasn’t interested in unfollowing so I’ve now blocked as I was beginning to feel like I would be betraying myself if I continued talking. Am I on the path to something better by taking these actions and knowing my worth ? I hope so 😂☺️ should I have just of stayed calm and accepted ? I don’t think I could