Literally asked out loud for the universe to help me be more kind, patient, and full of love. Then I open KZfaq and this is the first video I see. I love you. I love the universe.

The ‘getting to know your own needs’ one is so big for me. I’ve never heard it vocalized before getting into this space. I mean, it’s the basic foundation of a fulfilling life, yet I was programmed to always ignore what I want and through hyper vigilance, try to predict what others needed and plug that hole instead. Thank you for this . I appreciate you.

Having a mother who lashes out at you whenever she feels any uncomfortable emotion can result in a child who's full of fear and pain. We never know when the next outburst will come. It's no way for anyone to live, let alone a child. I try to do a self check-in at least once a day. But I need to do it more often.

Thank you for this Nicole. The guilt that comes with trying to deal with the mother wound is immense. It’s quite a scary space to step into because it feels like a betrayal to her, and her memory. But the trauma from her actions, her words remains so persistent in spite of all manner of therapies. Her voice, her words, aggression still very debilitating and frankly paralysing - more than 50 years later. It’s frankly a difficult wound to tend to and heal. The tools you’ve shared are worth trying, I have nothing to lose. It’s certainly been quite a journey for me….

This woman is priceless and doing hero work out here. To suggest getting into the anger, venting, feeling it out instead of the old puritanical “forgiveness” double-bind. This is sooo refreshing, so forward thinking, so truly useful and so definitely healing. Such a balm and a beautiful thing to see.

These are great tips. I worked through these steps over the years. However, even as a 64 year old, I am still seeing the damage my upbringing caused me and still causes me today. I go through phases where I struggle with feeling unseen, unheard, and lonely like I was as a child. I get mad at her for brief moments.

I had to unfreeze from my dissociated state for me to finally feel the betrayals and heart break of the mother wound. There's a lot of sadness and anger surfacing many years later. I'm letting it process, it's going to take a moment until I get to "acceptance" stage.

Thanks Nicole for another amazingly insightful and therapeutic video! 🙏 💖 My mother passed away 15 years ago, and it's only been in the last 2 years that I've finally started addressing some of these issues and healing. Her catchphrase was always "Oh, that's right, everyone always blames the Mother!" and then she'd give me the silent treatment, whenever ANY issues, conflicts, or difficulties arose.

Clicked on this not knowing i needed it. My mom is a meth addict. She had times of sobriety however she stated using again when my 1st child was born..i didnt even know how to a mother and needed her so much. Thank you for this ❤

Crazy this video came on a day we had yet another explosive argument. I want out of this cycle.

I can't seem to get past the anger part. I want to let go of the anger as I have accepted how she is and that she will never change. I have distanced myself and have made peace on a rational basis, so I don't want to feel the anger anymore. This seems the most difficult one for me.

I have this stupid dream that my mother will wake tf up and realize what she does is damaging. Trying to let that dream die

My god this video came exactly when I needed it

You’re a legend. Your knowledge and way of communicating is exceptional. This snapshot insight is most likely going to help hundreds of thousands of people. Thank you 🙏

I have been no contact with my parents for one year this month. it has been more healing than I could have imagined. I hope for peace and kindness in your futures everyone.

Point 2 it's so mysterious, almost magical for many of us. Even with so simple needs like want to eat or drink sth ,- or .. not and it's just a strategy for soothing sth for a while..

Most of my needs seem so small I don’t understand why my mom couldn’t/can’t do such small things like hug, listen, or say the words “how are you”

I’ve had the mother wound all of my life and it’s something I work on every day I do this by practicing all 5 steps thank you 🙏 Nicole

Ive realized that my mom really just passed on to me all she knew based on what she grew up with. Not making excuses for her. Now that we are both older i do understabd her more. She was a victim and acted out.Ive been grieving her even though she is still her. She did not have a mom. Many times its like i was her mom.I do need alot of healing and so does she❤

Venting it out is one thing. Explaining the generational trauma to my grandparents, who never did me anything wrong, that would be next level. They are the only members of my family that I would break the no contact settlement for. And I'm sure it would be a missing piece of their puzzle too. Despite no contact, it's a special kind of pain when you find out that a familymember, who never did you anything wrong, has died, and you're never abled to talk to them ever again. My mother left the country years ago. So actually that makes things possible...

I've thought alot about my mother recently & I can honestly say she was a good mother. She cared & shared & gave the 4 of us siblings as much time as she could, especially when we were young & taught us great values. I am becoming my own best mother now as an older woman but advice like yours is extremely helpful for us all. Thankyou for being here ❤

I have to find a recording of John Lennon’s ‘Mother!’ ‘ you had me-but I didn’t have you’ to scream along to

I'm so happy I made productive decisions about my finances that changed my life forever,hoping to retire next year.. Investment should always be on any creative man's heart for success in life.

This is a great video! Can you do a video on how to heal the father wound as well?

My mom is best it's just that when I needed her she was surviving herself.

Thank you so much ❤ i’ve gone through these steps over the past 7yrs+ which have helped immensely in my recovery with my mother wound. Still a work in progress but I’ve moved mountains within my soul since the dark days of my twenties. And now in my thirties i can honestly say i am so proud of myself and love the woman i’ve become and becoming..

I feel so conflicted. There is a sense of relief in knowing that this is what my issue has been and that I can take steps to heal it. There is also a sense of guilt and ungratefulness because I know my mother was acting from her own mother wound. She couldn't give me what she didn't have. In addition there is great sadness in knowing that I have passed this wound on to my children 😢

Thank you. Finally, a structure that will help me move forward. I've made some progress in recent years, but it is so layered. I thought I understood how much I was wounded, but then another light bulb moment shows me something else I'd not realised, and so there's another level and another level to process, and on it goes... Your outline gives me structure (and hope!) to process the damage done, especially the final step - tbh it had never crossed my mind that I could become any kind of a mother to myself! Thank you! 🙏

The Philadelphia accent is comforting since my mom is from northeast Philly. 🥰 Thank you Dr. Nicole! ❤ These videos are helpful. I cried through them.

Remothering is so important.

Dear nichole could you please make a video about father wound healing?

This is a great plan! I have done similar things over time and can attest that these work. It is still hard to stop the toxic productivity. I can prevent breakdowns with check-ins but still struggle to truly take time any length of time for myself.

This was huge. Great information as always Dr. Lepera. God bless you & your work! Thank you!

I will add that forgiveness for specifically what Mom did or didn't do, how it made you feel and what it led to, is critical to healing. Allow Jesus to come in and heal you. Freedom in Christ by Neal Anderson was a gamechanger for me.

This is The Best video I have ever seen on the mother wound. Thank you so much.

I'll reflect on my situation. I've done 1), 2), 4) and 5) for a few years now. I'm really proud of myself for handling all the trauma so well at such a young age (I started healing at 16 years old). Now the only thing that's left is building a support system. Ahh, this is such a pain. I want to befriend good people that will listen to me and understand me and with whom I can make plans to make the world a better place. However, there are no such people around me. Everyone is either abusive or traumatized and doesn't want to change. On top of that, I have physical problems which make me constantly exhausted. I have so little energy, I'm so lonely and so anxious that the only things I'm able to do is to exercise a little, to study a little and to take a shower once a week. So, I have no idea how to solve these physical problems, how to study for a job that wouldn't be overwhelming and how to make friends.

This is some good information!!!! Thank you 🙏🏾

Thank you so much for this.

Happy Mother's Day Nicole and thank you 💚💐💚💐💚💐💚💐💚💐💚💐💚💐💚

Thank you so much for this video🙏Very needed!

Love this. I have been slowly doing this and feel so much stronger and healthier. I still have challenging dynamics with my mother, but all these things help for sure. Thank you 🙏 ❤😊

Thank you. Such important information.🧿

amazing, really soothing the soul

Wow. Your channel is literally saving me.

You are amazing, thank you so much for all the work you do! This helps so much!

Thank you so much. I needed it

Brilliant and ever so helpful 🙏❤️

Just being able to make sense of what happened instead of repressing and dissociating from what did is extremely cathartic. My mom had profound deficiencies as a mother and I've experienced profound pain from them. But, blame does nothing to relieve that pain, she won't even acknowledge her own - much less mine. Checking out on feeling pain is a slippery slope to checking out on all feelings. People that make you feel that bad all the time, you've gotta get away from them - emotionally, and physically.

Thank you for taking the time to share this and reiterate this. I've been doing this work for a few years now, but the reminder about rest and self-love is so amazing.

Thank you for the video.

Thank you for your help ❤

Thank you. This was very helpful.

Thank you so much Nicole for sharing the best healing tips with us, merci! Sending you love from France ❤

Thank you so much!! 🙏❤️✨💫

Thank you for this- a compassionate strategy. This was much needed💙

You are such a beautiful soul. Thank you so much for your service to humanity 🙏🏼💯🙏🏼❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 I AM forever grateful 🎉

Thank you so much for all your work and wanting to help us ☀️🌼🌸 you and your team are ⭐️⭐️⭐️

thank u for sharing this information

Pure Genius 💕

This is great Thank you Definite tools!!

I don't feel I am betraying my mother by acknowledging in what profound way she betrayed me

Great advise!!! Thanks

Thank you for this

Thank you so much.

Thank you 🙏

Thank you!

I have been practicing becoming my own best mother. I am using a workbook to discover how to do this. I'm going to start the first step of journaling what I needed but didn't get. Thank you for your work! 🙏

Thank you for this. It's so common in our culture to feel guilty for allowing ourselves to feel anger/resentment towards our parents. But it's a necessary part of healing. So often people put their parents on a pedestal. Not allowing themselves to realise that they're not perfect. It's so important to validate our feelings. To recognise our needs and our traumas. That's because often we go through childhood and say to ourselves: oh, it wasn't that bad. But is that true ? Only we can answer this question...

Thank you 🥹💔

Thank you❤.

Thank you... for you knowledge and compassion ❤ To the Mothers out there... your mind will automatically understand and digest this information as " your inner child" and you as a "mother"... Try to quiet the voice of guilt as a parent ( upon first review). Begin to Heal YOU First. Process this from within you... then start sharing and becoming it externally. You are not alone.

I am one of thise mothers who did it all wrong and am so sorry! It is so painful to realise I passed the wound on despite my resolutions to do a better job than my mother.... Its frustrating and very sad to know I did not succeed. I am so glad that todays victims are helped by these explanations, and wish that one day the mother will be understood and helped too because every mother wants the best for her kids! No mother wants to be a monster and fail...

such difficult ‘homework’ for me, especially since secrecy, ‘loyality’ holding up the ‘family image’ shame, being a traitor was all part of the obligation in having my mother.

Thanks so much ❤

This is wonderful!!! ❤ will you do the Father wound as well please?? Much needed!!!!

TYSM

So important, thank you. What helps me reparenting my wounded parts is IFS internal family system from DM Richard Schwarz: his book NO BAD PARTS is really a game changer.

Amen sis🎉❤

I am doing the best that I can ❤.

I found you in my youtube short feed. Love your short clips I honestly can't tell if its just you or you and someone who looks similar in the clips?

She is a resentful spiteful, controlling, micro-managing refrigerator mother. Straight up verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive when I was a kid and couldn't stand up for myself. Totally damaging to me in the long term. On the outside, TO EVERYONE ELSE, she plays the hunky-dory, happy-go-lucky, over-the-top smiley character. Everything is just soooo wonderful!!!! Oh I wish I had a mom like yours. Yes, I am grateful she is alive and she helps me. At the same time... We aren't friends. She tolerates me. I tolerate her. That's about it.

I think it’s so hard because she still triggers me every day. I am 36 and even though I have been in therapy and I’m fully aware she still brings me back to being a kid and feeling horrible. She had this thing with wanting me to try her old clothes and would get satisfied if I couldn’t fit it because then she was smaller then me. She did it when I was a teenager and last week she brought a skirt and a top and wouldn’t leave me alone until I tried it. It was such an uncomfortable feeling and just seeing her old clothes makes me want to run away and hide. But I need to try all these steps, thank you ❤

My first thought when healing my mother wound is to try to do better for my kids, skipping over reparenting myself thus triggering feelings of abandonment all over again 😞

Find a kind, nurturing friend.

how do I, at age 70, cope when the mother that caused my wounds now needs me to be her care provider.

Thank you! Do you have videos on how to heal the father wound and what that is or is it pretty much like the mother wound?

ℹ practice all of these steps. Don’t worry about anything so much!! Remember that time heals all wounds. Just remember to give yourself time. In time, if you are constantly working on the improvement and betterment of yourself and your life~ everyday and everything WILL ALWAYS ALIGN and TURN OUT FINE!! I love the cute🥰 and humorous videos that you do~ about your childhood trauma~ and how you are ‘programmed to act,’ in every scenario~ because of the PSTD. I really can learn from such serious issues being explained, and portrayed in a humorous manner. Thank you🙏☮️🎶🤰🏻🤱🏻👼♥️🙏🧚🏼‍♀️🧚🏼‍♀️🛝💞☦️🔮🌹🌟🌟☯️♾️ 6:33

Thank You so much for this video. _To the core❤_ . I'd encourage you to check out the French psychiatrist and psychotherapist *Marie-France Hirigoyen* if you did not know her. Her work is truly amazing as well. She's authored some outstanding books on different matters, among them the one I'm reviewing at the moment which hopefully has been translated into English, the French title is *' Les Nouvelles Solitudes '* . A real _must_ nowadays even more than when it was first published in 2007. I truly recommend @ll her work. 🙏

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The only needs that were listened to and approved of were the basic physical ones ; hunger and sleep. Even being sick was not okay and we would be blamed for getting sick. We would be taken care of and pampered but the overall situation was that we brought it upon ourselves. When anything out of my control happens I still blame myself

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Is it possible that I have memories stored and disassociate because they are too difficult to remember or I protected myself as a child ?

Can you do the same for the father wound?

How can you heal generational trauma if you see it happening between my sister and her daughters? I don't have my own children but I can see it passing on into the next generation to my nieces and nephews. I feel helpless. Awareness is painful.

Hi. Adopted here. I’m taking this slow. I’m just so angry. ❤ thank you.

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Its hard to follow a recommendation that assumed you have a support network. 😢

How do we prevent passsing this on to our children? I have an 11 yo daughter and sometimes feel glimpses of my own mother coming out. I want more than anything to be everything my child needs me to be, but is it too late to reverse any damage already done?