When you grow up with narcissists you tend to be anxious

Interestingly: The less you try to control, the more in control you are. Dr. Les Carter

As a female high functioning autistic survivor of childhood abuse, anxiety is almost a constant state for me. I’ve found more help right here than in the dozen or so counselors who identified neither the ASD nor the trauma. I have struggled and looked for answers for over 60 years. You have my profound gratitude. Thank you just doesn’t seem like a strong enough term.

I grew up in an environment where you could be raged at out of nowhere at any moment and with unpredictable intervals for the dumbest reasons. As an adult people called me a "nervous person."

4 ways to manage anxiety.. 6:38 _give greater attention to your interior_ 7:26 _examine your character_ 8:58 _stand firmley for your conviction_ _and needs properly_ 9:46 _recognize your limits regarding_ _control_

This is gold! And Dr. Carter's calm, reasonable manner calms my anxiousness. 💯

So anxiety is rooted in the feeling that I need to constantly justify myself? Interesting.

At the end of your video you say ‘I hope that you find value...’. Oh yes, believe me, I, and I’m sure many others, definitely find value in what you have to say / explain to us. My gratitude and thanks to you.

You have no idea how much you've helped me. I've gone no contact with my narc 1 month and this is the first week I have cried or felt triggered. I can eat and sleep. Thank you Dr. Carter. I listen to several of your episodes over and over. I'm healing now.

Stand firmly for my needs. Establish boundaries.

You're talking about.... "Being a decent human being with a sense of morality".... Trouble is that many people couldn't care less about that nor could they spell or define morality. All they care about is instant, constant and enduring satisfaction of self regardless of the effect they have on others. Your advice helps me so much. Thank you.

Dread is a deep horrible feeling. I somtimes wake feeling like I am on cliff shelve.

One of the biggest factors of anxiety is uncertainty

If source of your anxiousness is living with a narcissist, watch Dr Carter's videos on the topic of Narcissism. This could, possibly, be even more helpful than visiting a psychologist.

Thanks Dr. Carter. I appreciate your knowledge, wisdom and soothing manner. It really helps me. Looking forward to more. GOD bless you.

ANXIETY: Unwanted or undesirable situation in front of you. (Edgy, irritable, inhability to relax, selfconsciousness, restless, rumminating thoughts, insecurity, broken sleeping patterns) 3 primary ingridients: Fear, anger and control 1) A constant need to justify yourself. (Defensiveness) 2) Anger. There is always agitation, irritability, frustration. They push ppl away. ( Self preservation) 3) Control. (other ppl are trying to control them or to have the need to control). Overplay... Ways to responde: 1) Put your attention to what is happening inside. My inner life is were it needs to be! 2) Take a look at what your character is. Are you a good person? The interior has to be anchored to a sense of well being (self trust) 3) Make sure you are standing up for yourself 4) The less you are you are trying to control, the more in control you are.

I've had anxiety most of my life and appreciate your grounding advice in this video. Thanks so much Dr Carter!

Thank you Dr. Carter..I really needed this this morning...I will carry on standing up for myself and others...not an easy task at times...

Thank you for another great informative video by you. I was dx'd with mild anxiety 5 years ago at 70. I thought being anxious was a good trait. I worried about everyone and everything. I thought that meant I was a caring person. I cared and worried more about others than I did for myself. On the advice of my GP I have meditated for 5 years now and it has helped me tremendously. I also stopped all contact with my narcissist ex who added to my anxiety.

I got my first book today .... Enough about you , let's talk about me. Thank you Dr. Carter for all you do . Your a big help to so many people . God's blessings to you and your s. 🌺🌹🌺🌹🌺

It’s not all our fault for being anxious. It’s our environment with narcissists. Getting away from the crazy makers has helped my anxiety. I stopped talking to my MIL and I’m doing great.

thank you for this. i have suffered with anxiety for most of my life for different reasons and i will say that this tells me a lot about self trust. I rarely stood up for myself in my past, but life is not just about my own failings its also about the agenda of others which can destroy you.

Watching videos on narcissism, I often can't tell the difference between me and them. I feel like a victim to externals. But videos like this in which we are in clear sight and ownership of the internal, leaves an incredible sense of expansion and freedom. It's a completely different mood.

So grateful to be working through this stage. Recovering from 17 years of a narcissistic daughter in law. I can breathe again. Feeling in control of my being.

My anxiety can stop me cold, put me in bed for days. I get scared. That one thing I keep getting hit (money always the one thing i don't have) will hit me again and i wont be able to take it. Thank you Dr. Carter you have shown me it isn't me. I have been fighting my whole life to prove i am a good person, and now for the first time i know it isn't me, Thank you!

Dr Carter, this particular one really hit home. The indecisiveness that I deal with is a private hell I suffer. A number of years ago when in a relationship with a controlling person the anxiety started to surface. I have been removed from that relationship but live with the aftermath. You make so much sense.

Dignity, respect, civility

🙏 Dr. C! I didn’t know that anxiety was related to anger. Now I do know. Sending 💗 👍🏻

Thank you Dr. C. I need to review this periodically. Dignity, respect, civility.🤗

Dr Carter, it'd be great if you could make more videos on how to handle anxiety, thnks in advance and congratulations for your work!

People that have a strong drive to be in control all the time are inevitably people that have been terribly out of control, usually early in life. It's important to deal with the underlying trauma that led to the wish to be in control. As that work progresses anxiety tends do decrease dramatically over time.

Thank you Dr. Les, I had an anxious experience today and felt very insecure. You explained it in a great way, and I feel much better about it. You are incredible!💕

Mine was mostly just a generalized uneasiness. No peace. Sometimes a dread. More like groan...this is gonna suck. But I did tend to “awfulize” too. It was usually related to fear of failure or fear in the romance area or fear of retaliation/bullying/violence. Self trust. Lol. Yes. I don’t have much anxiety anymore, but a narc def can and will try to create more of it.

I've suffered with anxiety issues for decades literally. My worst is to be in a crowd, feeling overwhelmed and feel like I'm about to lose control. Along with this is the overwhelming fear that the strangers around me will "KNOW I'M NOT NORMAL".

I've lived with anxiety for so long it's part of me and my personality nothing I can do about that now I've tried everything. I've learned that the outside world has slot to do with that. Anyways it's helpful sometimes not all bad, sometimes it saves me from something worse

I had this Fear Anxiety as a young child. Born with it probably. I still have it but not as bad. My mother had psychiatric issues and had a lot of Anxiety. This is a vast topic and deserves a Spiritual study and perspective. Thank you, Dr. Carter!

Love you dearly Dr Carter

My daughter has anxiety. I never really understood what it is. This video really shed light on this situation.

Thank you for this teaching about anxiety! I listened to this twice and perhaps I will listen to it again. I have had anxiety since as far back as I can remember maybe four years old. I am thinking that although it could be a chemical in balance in my brain, I’m more inclined to believe that it was caused by several factors in my childhood. My parents divorced when I was four and looking back I realize I had never had a sense of belonging and security. I remember always feeling nervous and on guard to be the perfect person. Myself and three siblings were raised primarily by our mother. Her parenting skills were a mirror of what she grew up with. I believe we are primarily products of our nurturing or lack of. My mother was judgmental and emotionally unavailable. I was always looking for ways to please her so when I was doing chores or anything she asked me to do I found myself being over the top perfectionistic so that she would approve of what I did so I would at least get some affirmation of value. Most of the time she would find something to point out that was negative and made me feel like I didn’t measure up. Then my father who would be around periodically as part of the divorce agreement would sexually abuse me and then tell me that if I told my mother, she would have him put in jail. Is it any wonder that I developed anxiety that I have had my whole life?! Sometimes I’ll tell people that we spend our life undoing the damage our parents did… That is if we’re lucky enough to have good teachers and have the insight for change!

I couldnt breath just now but i listened to this and now im better. Thank you people like you are honestly savoirs

Would love to hear more from you on anxiety and/or depression. Appreciate your videos, very helpful❤️

I noticed your channel a week ago. I think you are very articulate and to the point. Thanks! I can't seem to get through drama without a gigantic adrenalin rush, like I've been kicked in the gut.

Thanks again, Dr. Carter. I listened again today as I've found myself getting more and more nervous as a parent's memorial service approaches. The nice-mean-nice-mean is still happening. I get a stomach ache when I see a text or email from one of my narcissistic siblings. I am braver than I used to be, but I still know that it might be a cruel remark or an attempt to manipulate me into doing something I don't want to do or not doing something I do want to do. But I do see how I've grown a lot since I first discovered your videos last fall. God bless you!

At the basis of all negative feeling is resistance. The idea that "It shouldn't be like this" . The only cure is acceptance or surrender. From that any action that follows - including not acting - will be more auspicious than if it came from resistance. The only thing that prevents anxiety is trust. Not in some particular outcome, but trust in life in general. Don't panic, nothing is under control.

Dr. Carter, so many folks are making full use of your videos. Knowledge is power. Our Heavenly Father does not wish I to be 'twits', who only ..knee jerk r e a c t.. But he wants us to be strong. Thank you, and please keep them coming.!

Good day, sir. Wow. This is good stuff. I value this info. It just takes one person to care & pour in..and you're the right one. Big thank you, Dr. C! Miss you Gus:))

I grew up in one of the most prejudice states in the US where someone was always trying to control someone else, but We had a Father that kept us on our toes, and always e courage us to think for ourselves. I absolutely.praise God for that, it helps me to deal with the controller in my life, If you don't stand for something you will fall for Anything.

Like an ambulance response, you are that for me. 100 percent relate. Pearls of Wisdom. Gratitude. Trust yer gonna get great accommodations one day and be served instead of serving. Where is Gus?

For the last 20 years I’ve taken care of my bipolar brother during his deep depressions, which may last longer than a year at the time. When his mood changes he returns to his own home. Unfortunately, his mania gets him into heaps of trouble during those periods - car wrecks, domestic disputes with drug addicts he allows to stay in his home, thefts from the same, and financial ruin. But I get my own house back in order, have more freedom, etc. unfortunately, he has a ‘flying monkey’ who calls me up to three times a day making sure I stay worried, preoccupied and on constant alert. I’m 70 years old. My brother is 77. The anxiety you describe sounds very much like what I experience when the flying monkey is trying to goad me into fixing the impossible.

You have helped me along a difficult journey now for about a year and a half. Thank you.

When you don’t comply with the controller’s demands and rules, they start labelling you as “difficult” and so if you don’t do what you are told, they will stop all communication with you while also convincing others behind your back that you are “difficult.”

Wow! Profound! Concise and yet thorough! Thanks a lot for posting this, Les!

Thank you for the time putting in these great videos. Full of insights. It really helps people who cannot afford therapy.

I suffer from anxiety and I really appreciate this video, gave me insight on how I should feel inside and take control that way. t was very helpful for me. Keep up the great videos

This is exactly what I needed to hear today.

Dr. C, your advice always seems clean, concise, and call me. Thank you again

Dr Carter thank you a million times over! You have just helped me determine that I am more often than not living in an anxious state working to divorce a narcissist while also dealing with a cancering process. I am mostly on edge and have many nights of not sleeping well. Your manner in which you speak is very soothing and your voice is very calming. I am so happy to have found your videos and always email them to myself so I can listen again to your many hours of wisdom.

very helpful thanks, I've suffered with anxiety for a long time, at times it was pretty serious so it's good to know how to deal with it when those feelings come up again.

4th video of you. I'm starting to appreciate you. Thank you!

Love your wonderful bedside manner and direct plain talk. Life changing therapy! Best to Gus too!

Being with a narcissist makes it worse.

Grew up with narc mom although didn’t know there was a name for how she treated me, then married a narc, unknown until a few months into my 22 yea nightmare, and have a huge pity speaking narc mother in law as well. It wasn’t until listening to dr c that I figured it all out. Anxious because of what I live with!! So yes I HAVE TONS OF ANXIETY !

Your videos cover the topic so succinctly and with so much care and "non - judgement" with practical helpful steps one can take..what a joy!

Very informative thank you. Never had insomnia until the Narcissistic abuse started when I was married to my X. 8 years later I still suffer from insomnia! It's not sleep apnea, I have been tested for that 2X's.

ALL OF THIS - As I unravel the root causes of this in my life, the anxiety is less and less because I have a grip on what is going on. I'm learning to pay attention to the anxiety as a cue for investigation, understanding, and change rather than thinking there is something "wrong" with me for what is understandable, reasonable but undesireable reactions. Learning to respond according to who I want to be rather than react to the perceived pain and old patterns.

Dr. Carter I have noticed that anxiety in one person can be picked up on by others leading them to feel anxious too. Sometimes that means the person picking up on that anxiety are going to be blaming of the original person with it regardless of why the person is showing signs of anxiety. For example when a person is feeling anxious while they have an undiagnosed chronic lung ailment which is making it more difficult for them to take deep breaths while a little more tired than usual. Veterans who have worked near burn pits could maybe relate to that. Refusing to live in anger towards others while wanting to be on team healthy is key to overcoming anxiety.

Thanks Dr. Carter! Trusting myself has been something I need to re-learn after being with a narcissist. I’ve had quite a bit of anxiety since my husband abandoned me and my youngest of three teenagers after 30 years together. I’m struggling with decisions mainly. It’s pretty traumatic especially with all the deception and gaslighting. And our divorce has been contentious and costly. Never saw that coming. Being thrown to the wolves and the chaos of the unknown gives me anxiety. My man and protector is gone. I feel very vulnerable. And being attacked on top of it all is more than I can bear sometimes.

Your videos are AWESOME, Dr.Carter! I appreciate you so much.

I thank my elders for educating me on this life. They lived to be way over 100.

God give me the wisdom to change what I can and except what I can't and know the difference. Yes.... But you still have to stand your ground, be true to yourself, good or bad.

I admire you Dr. Carter . You shead a light on everyone of your videos .Thank You

I am happy to have discovered this channel, but I am sad at the same time because I did not find it before!

You are so great mind, I truly appreciate your help

Thank you so much for all the help you give to people like me who have been living with crazy guys that try to control us. God bless you!

Thanks Doc. That makes good common sense. Lord knows it ain't easy. Thanks again.

I like that you help people face up to the way they feel in a grown-up, yet comforting manner, without victimizing them. Thank you.

Dr. Carter wow that is definitely me all the way seems like this video was made especially for me it definitely touched me in a way that I needed to be touched. A little story that I have for you and others I was with a customer today actually for the last 3 days doing an install on an HVAC system he said some things to me that really touched base that it was very moving in the right direction I don't think the customer was aware of the start study touched had so much meaning to it in my life of course I had to have an open mind to be able to see what God was trying to show me but since I have been watching your videos and others I wouldn't not have been able to see with a clear eye the message inside of a customer story after the three days at this home we have been talking a great deal about basically being derailed in our lives and then getting back on track and then being derailed again and then once again back on track I was really quite moved by the message that I seen for the first time in my life I was able to open my eyes and my heart along with My Soul to see thought I am all things good and bad which was a great deal of success because I have lived in denial through my whole life. Let me share one of the messages that I have seen. I'll give it my best shot and the last 6 years running an HVAC company and the town I live in hired and Fire people that was looking for work. And a few of these men that I hired I gave half of my earnings to which in all honesty was more than 1/2 cuz I still have to pay for the company to keep going forward unlike themselves. Only paid for there personal lives. And some of these guys stoled from me at will consistently it began growing a great deal of anger and rage inside of myself the customer that I was working within the last 3 days I shared the story with him and he shared a story with me he's in sales as a profession he told me James in my past this is what I've done sometimes I would charge beyond what was required he felt thought it was the same thing as stealing when he shared this story with me it opened up a whole new dialogue that I've never accept it. Let me explain I have been an HVAC for 30 plus years I personally never felt like I have ever been a thief and why are these thieves stealing from me and when my customer today said his story to me my inner soul crumbled I realized right then and there that I have been a thief in the past when I would go to the poor people I would give them the best deal that man could give them when I would go to the filthy rich people I would overcharge them still not as high as the bigger companies but to my standards I was overcharging them I felt like Robin Hood I would steal from the rich and give to the poor. But I know if I haven't been watching these videos of yours I would have not been able to see that that made me happy but at the same time I was sad not recognizing that I was in denial if not wanting to see and God's eye I was a thief just like the snake that comes in the grass and still to your blood or your life and you never have seen him come. So the moral of my story that's all I have for the first time accept it I am all things as we all are you have to read between the lines in life to be able to see your own faults and then you have to be and the position in your life to accept that you can be as ugly as the next person and probably have been but just in a different way but in God's eyes and the meaning of his word we have all broken the truth we have all lied to herself one time or another and the only way to get over the these hurdles in life is to want a better life and to ask God for help and I have done that dr. Carter you have been a great deal of help from me you can't even begin to imagine how much that means to me there's no way in the world I could ever pay you outside of live a better life with your help and guidance this is all possible if I choose to seek help. God bless happy holidays to all people

And I, for one, truly appreciate your being along on this journey. Thank you for your work. It is a Godsend.

Dr. C., this video is among the most uniquely brilliantly insightful ones of yours. Your videos are actually psychotherapy dressed up in casual clothes. One watches some of them repeatedly to get the ideas better, as they are deep and therapeutic. Thank you so very much for caring for all of us. God bless you.

Anxiety. This is one I have to own. It's getting better but becoming disabled during a lifetime of a proffession based on athletic ability makes it difficult to cope with strangers who attempt to demean you in the very thing you've built your self esteem on can shake you to your core in ways you never imagined. Fortunately I'm getting a grip on it just by making some long needed changes in myself. You can't do much about the behavior of others but you can view it as an opportunity to improve upon yourself.

Very talented & well spoken

Thank you for brilliant advice dr Carter ❤ when you live in a decent way, true to your values and standards, you start trusting yourself and that reduces anxiety significantly.

I was Agoraphobic for over 20 years, panic and anxiety, it's still there and gets best of me sometimes but I have worked on myself so I am no longer terrified. Thank you Dr. Carter

It would be interesting to have a version of this helpful video made for kids, adolescents, young people.

Hurry! I'm worried. 😦!!! Well, I'll calm down for now, and I look forward to another informative and effective video.

Both my parents were controlling; my dad a Narcissist. I have a trigger when I deal with controlling people and your teaching is confirming what I have been learning and doing but adding more learning; confirmation, strategies, recognition of my opportunities and red flags. Thanks Dr. Carter. I admire your gentle, respectful, and real life approach as opposed to a mere academic recitation.

I feel like a pressure cooker that just got it's steam released. I've lived with high anxiety for several years now. It takes a massive amount of your energy when feeling anxiety to the point that you put things off that would help solve the anxiety because you're too exhausted with worry. I will be listening to this video over and over again. It really gave me the tools to calm down. I'm in a race against Time as my health declines, my income declines, equals-- find senior housing quick. That's my biggest anxiety right now. But I'll use my internals to keep calm about it. I can't control the massive rents in California all I can do is try to work around them. Thanks for another tool for my toolbox dear Dr C.

I'll figure it out, that's what I do! Yeah! Thank you. See you next time.

I think on the anxiety scale, I'm at 100%. I don't like drugs though. So thanks for the discussion. I problem solve daily, but still feel dread and a lot of anxiety. I'm a decent person and I try to be one. In the past, I was not always responsible.

You're truly help so many people. God Bless You and thank you so much for all you do. Please keep uploading videos!!

3 Stressers...very helpful! Thank you!

I was brought up in a narc clergy home. I am trying to get these tendencies out of me now that I know I have them. What is the quickest was to alter my preprogrammed narc tendencies? I have found they are deeply embedded and making a wreck of things. Thank you for your work, it has truly helped me and my family.

What a wonderful healer and teacher you are! Thank you for everything!

I kinda understand your pod cast. It Takes me a couple of times to relisten, so I understand more. Thank You

Thank you Dr Carter, for your great words of wisdom, also for your time & effort you put into making them. These video's have been so very helpful. You're a breath of fresh air, with your calming voice & sincerity🙏😊much appreciated.

You know, I enjoy how you speak on our level DR Carter; not using too much jargon to get your points across here. I'm not left confused. Can you please examen BPD?

Outstanding!

The fact that we're all different and have different opinions, tastes, way of handling things... i consider that to be like wealth that we share. But i do hope one day we wake up in a world where humans have found that appreciation for self awareness and these values like dignity, respect, civility. Thanks, it was very enlightening, i do suffer anxiety due to prolongued mental abuse by several people.

Dr. C, you are Amazing! Thank you Thank you Thank you for your HELP in this Life. I'm blessed to have found you and your wisdom.

Albert Ellis coined the term awfulizing and catastrophyzing as well as use of shoulds oughts and musts. Thanks Dr. Carter I am subscribed to you.