💯!! This is what I’ve been saying when I hear psychologists claim that these people are just defensively protecting a shameful self. My experience has been that they do not have much shame to be defensive of, and they are looking at situations/relationships for exploits early on that they can utilize later. It’s all done with full awareness and without much (or any) guilt. They’re not conflicted and there’s not much underlying anxiety to try to distract themselves from. I truly believe it’s fun for them. While most people are working to be decent humans and to make others smile, these folks are working hard at manipulation techniques, and it shows. They’re quite good at it. I’m glad I ran across this video - thanks.

George Simon is genius because he is one of the few scholars who understands that evil people do exist and what their tactics are. Others just deny that evil exists, for example my class mate went for therapy after being threatened with a knife by his mother and the therapists just said: ''Well she is your mother so I am sure that she didn't meant to hurt you.'' and ''All mothers want what's best for their children'' and ''everyone has some good in them'' and ''everyone deserves a second chance'' and ''I know your mother loves you because I am also a mother and I love my children'' and ''All parents want whats best for their child'' and ''Your mother was properly a victim of childhood abuse herself which is why she did that'' . I can only imagine how traumatising it must have been for my poor classmate to hear these words from a therapist after being threatened with a knife by his own mother. We seriously need more scholars like George Simon!

"Responsibility avoidance behaviours and tactics of impression management and manipulation" - spot on, thank you Dr George.

when the manipulator already has those in power bamboozled, you really have an uphill struggle. i put no effort in to getting along with manipulative or competitive people. these kind of people see kindness and graciousness as being weakness.

I believe that manipulators know that they are doing because when they are informed about what they are doing their not shocked but rage at us.

Sure wish "psychology" taught this 25 years ago! It has been such a disservice to the rest of the world that this behavior has been enabled by the profession that exists to "help" people. Thank you for staying the course and fighting to keep these truths alive and to get them known!

I needed to hear this 40 years ago . . . excellent talk. This explanation is the best I've heard. "Fully conscious and intentional . . . these folks (manipulators) know what they're doing and when they're doing it." Good to realize and remember . . .

Even if it's unconscious manipulation: it doesn't matter. Why would I want to be with a person who is so unconscious? I don't care if someone hurts others consciously or unconsciously, the fact is they hurt others. In Germany we have a saying which goes something like this: stupidity doesn't save you from punishment.

Dr. Simon, your first book helped me immensely when I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, As a "neurotic" I was constantly looking for what I was doing wrong or explaining away his bad behaviours. You taught me to assess deeds not words and also to only worry about what I, myself, could control. Thank you so much.

This is basically what gaslighting does to the victims. It slowly changes their view of reality.

That's what the "12 tools of empowerment" I discuss in my book "In Sheep's Clothing" are all about!

Your book SAVED MY LIFE! The moment I opened it I knew I made the best decision of my life at that point. I really can't thank you enough for what you have done. Reading about covert aggressives taking on "the noble causes" really hit home. I went through PTSD like symptoms and became panicked at the thought of even going to an interview. Your book really got me over a lot of the issues I had. I should say your work. It was so accurate and detailed of the behavior they put forth. Seriously, Thank you! I knew I wasn't crazy. :)

My sister is very manipulative. She has been since she was very young. I never could figure out how she always got her way and could get others, including me, to do as she wanted. One thing she's always done that never worked with me is turning on the tears. I've seen most people immediately give in to her when she cries. I've always thought her manipulations to be such as waste. Using her intelligence and talent for evil instead of good. Not even her own good. All her friends and family have nothing to do with her now.

Thank you so much for making this video. I was emotionally manipulated by a close friend for a long time and it almost destroyed my life. I'm starting to understand what truly happened to me and deal with that trauma. I always tried to rationalize his behaviour and be accepting because he "was so mentally unstable" and I needed to be there for him... it's so hard to realise that you were being controlled behind the scenes. I wish I had seen this video a year ago.

Thank you. Recently I have had people fight me because I was calling them out on their abuse and sadistic behaviors towards me. Ive become more formal with the documentation and all of them are becoming annoyed with me, but what you say on here is what I've been feeling like. They don't want me to fight their abuse of me. Like I'm supposed to lay down and die and allow them to starve me, keep me unemployed, harass me, covertly. I identified stories from other countries to remind me of the nature of the danger I feel their behavior could lead me into. Scary times. Thanks for the post.

Have read his books and with my life experience, which is going to be different than others, I FIRMLY believe he is EXACTLY right about these tactics. I am so impressed with his evaluations, but feel validated due to seeing things nearly IDENTICALLY as he does. The SECRET is RIGHT!!! You really do react defensively because you know you are being EXPECTED to go along, but you don't see it as a fight initially. THAT IS WHY IT WORKS!!! Thats why I generally see manipulators ass the slimy, quiet , but NICE ones...they are successful at this because ppl DONT SEE The character disturbance behind the facade!!

The lengths that a pathological manipulator will go to in order to control one's mind and force that person to see things the manipulators way is astounding. Your information in this video is very helpful. They know exactly what they're doing and they know exactly why they do it. It's strange how far they'll go to mask the behavior as if it's something that it's not though, even when found out and even when it can be seen as clear as day.

I was abused as a child by a mother who was very aggressive. Many times my father set her lose on me for no reason. I can remember her hitting me with a belt across the legs while showing her teeth and snarling and yelling at me "how many times have I told you not to do that" I would ask, what did I do? Crying my eyes out. My dad would often say ok enough, enough... I'm mad at myself... for not putting her sadist ass through a wall...

Thank you! I’m a therapist who works with victims of APD/NPD. The DSM misses the mark big time by defining APD as basically impulsive antisocial behavior and NPD as an unconscious defense system. The real basis for their victimizing behavior is psychopathy - the inability for empathy, and therefore conscience and a moral sense. Most therapists don’t recognize their behaviors are motivated on reward and maintenance of power, control, and narcissistic self-image, not defense! I hope and pray you continue to educate.

Thanks so much for your feedback. I hope you find my books and numerous weblog articles helpful also.

OMGoodness. I thank you for articulating these dynamics in dysfunctional interpersonal manipulation and dialog. Awesome. You describe the behavior in a way that I can acknowledge and be aware of what is actually happening. Terminology and correct labeling of words help me to see clearly and without confusion and guilt. Thank You!!!!

This is great! I met someone extremely manipulative and I could feel it but I could not pin point it (manipulation) so the person that felt guilty was me.. great explanation on the subconscious on both ends.

I am a caregiver, and I can tell you first hand that ive had clients who act this way. And many in my company give ear to the manipulation bc they think the client is " simple minded" so they give in to the whims and mechanisms of said people.

This video is very good. A lot of people get caught out by manipulative behaviour of others and shows how offensive they really can be . I am very aware of when my girlfriend is manipulating me by being critical or offensive, and have let her know what she is doing. She tries to justify what she is doing but I know it is a load of crap. So I am alert to what she is doing. I cant really see her changing so will have to move on. These type of people are so plausible do NOT put up with this nonsense.

You are very very right. I Came to this realization myself though experiance. They do not wish to improve nor be good. They wish to be better than you and keep you under them. They are evil.

Great info. I’ll be looking for the book. I REALLY appreciate how you, Dr Simon frame in easy to understand terms, what is going on. I’ve been attacked for years by a variety of “friends” & family. I put up w/ it. It’s odd how attackers think their actions aren’t obvious. And the goal is to ALWAYS make me inferior, and THE PROBLEM. Oh, I also like the way you refer to the attackers as manipulators, bc it don’t matter if they are labeled a narcissist or not.

I worked with a master manipulator for about 10 years. He was hired as part time help. He manipulated the owner of the business so effectively that the owner was actually "afraid of him". This guy drove many long time customers away with his personal agenda of "how a customer should act" and he even found out some financial issue with the store that enabled him to black mail the owner. After he destroyed the business he just quit one day and moved on to another victim.

It’s a special moment when someone for whom you thought was a lovely supportive hardworking person is actually a shell of a person that feeds off emotion, gaslights, and wants to only win.

The only way to calm a manipulative person is to concede, this kills a persons spirit & this is when I realised he knew what he was doing. Thank you for this video and for saying they know what they are doing.

I found you on Meredith Miller's Inner Integration Channel. Her interview with you was amazing and I'm just so thrilled to have been pointed your way and to your books. Thank you for your work in spreading truth in a very understandable manner 🙏

I have a relationship with someone in my life, that has come to a point where I have started to point out these things that he does, sometimes would leave me feeling worthless. Not any more...now, instead of being "hurt and offended" by who I am and how I live, he has become "angry and defensive"...thank you for these videos...WOW!...what an eye opener!!!

I notice no one thinks they are the manipulator. When I listen to this I have to look at myself too. Have I been guilty of this? I would love to talk to this man and seek the truth of what he is saying not just as a victim but as I feel we all manipulate weather being aware of it or not. Just room for thought.

"They are fighting for advantage over you" - that's exactly what it feels like! And that "they know exactly what they are doing" - I'd always wondered about that but they are "protecting themselves automatically". It makes total sense.

This has really calmed me after starting to work with an aggressive manipulator who has taken advantage of others and myself

More will be posted and when all the editing is complete a set of DVDs will be available.

One thing I get from this is that the tactic of the covertly aggressive is to basically cause you to question yourself - to be empathic. Whereas in actual fact, one needs to be a bit aggressive themselves in order to create a boundary that the covertly aggressive person simply does not have. I think that victims - targets of these narcissistic people- are chosen because they operate from a somewhat dualistic, one sided egoccentric place emotionally; unconsciously mostly. I tend to think that solving this sort of thing actually comes down to esoteric, spiritual ideas, really. ...That it is to do with duality. I think that targets tend to be more decent people. They will more likely operate in the overly giving mindset, whereby they already question themselves too much. ...Narcissistic abusers notice this - and this person then is either their slave/supporter or their enemy. I think that the ideas of defensiveness versus aggression need to be approached in a sense of duality versus oneness. I actually think that ultimately aggression and fear are two sides of the same coin. However, here is the catch: emotionally and unconsciously the majority of us are not at this point of Oneness whereby we can confidently trust in our intuition to set boundaries and properly distinguish the usually ever-changing nature of things. And I think that unconsciously we operate in a dualistic way - and that we really need to be less permissive and understand that people can actually in fact be ASSHOLES. ...That the notion of whether the abuser is aggressive or defensive - matters because the target is most likely one-sided and unconcsiously is already questioning themselves too much and not being aggressive - assertive - enough. That the target effectively suffers from projecting themselves onto the abuser - but the abuser is not concerned with compromise or with questioning their own behaviour. By definition, they are more evil. In other cases, it will be that the abuser and target swap sides - I have seen this happen. ...But always, the underlying factor is inherent egocentricity. My guess is that the target DOES have shame, unprocessed/unmanaged shame for their own egocentricity and that the abuser takes advantage of this need to see good in others. And I think that applying the idea that everyone is ultimately good, or that bullies are really just insecure -etc, of most therapists, is literally quite idealistic!! - Love may ultimately be all that is, but evil still exists in the reality that we currently have created and are existing in ...The idealistic belief that all people are really good is not in keeping with reality, which is in flux. And targets will be prone to duality -and usually the kind that is too giving to others and too questioning of the self. Being open to the notion that there is a continuum and that some people really are prone to being purely aggressive - is the target starting to step out of their one-sided perspective and starting to see the whole more. ...They can hopefully then start to move out of that one-sidedness that makes them prey/threat of the aggressive narcissist. ....Even in spiritual teachings there is this idea that in order to be who you truly are (self realise etc) you have to be willing to sometimes be who you are not (be mean); or like going to war in order to prove you are a person who believes in peace. I also believe that these people don't BOTHER to think or to look deeply into the situation. They are just out to live superficially and out the get immediately what they want. ...I believe that fear and self doubt do exist in them and to a great degree, however, it is therefore VERY unconscious to them as a form of protection!! Which is why they then have their accompanying sense of entitlement and apparent lack of conscience, that less desperately insecure people have. They believe that they are "perfect" and entitled to ABUSE another person rather than bother to try to compromise a little in order to show basic respect for another human being. I am trying to condition my self to truly believe in the idea that ABUSE simply is unjustifiable. That it is a sure indication that the one being ABUSIVE is the one who needs to look at themselves and change. That by definition THEY are incapable of compromising -and NOT the one who they target. For me this is how I intend on creating a boundary for my self when I next encounter one of these low life narcissists. I really appreciate Dr Simon's take on all of this - as I really do think that victims have unconscious beliefs of shame or doubt about where they stand and that we need firm new thoughts that can point us in the right direction and that can acknowledge reality as it is and not how we wish it to be. It is almost a case of the ignorant getting the upper hand over those who know!!! ...I do really believe that the barrage of aggression from such people is a smoke screen for the fact that these people have no leg to stand on -it's all just a game of aggression, not actual facts or truth or reality.

Thank you so much Dr. Simon! Your book and clearness helped me out of an abusive relationship. Thank you for making clear that this is not unintentionally. There were so many hints to it but I just always bought it. So your book finally helped me out before I got completely destroyed.

You sir are a genius!!!!

I have known this since I was 14. Everyone tried to make me feel that I was wrong. This Doctor is brilliant and his method to deal with the person is highly effective.

Great stuff! I am currently in a proffessional relationship with a manipulator. At first it just felt that something is wrong, that the vibe is not "right". Now that he got under my skin a bit, my lawyer also found out that the manipulator had the same approach to previous coworkers and was fired from work many times. I am pissed and at the same time relieved to confirm (to myself) i am being manipulated.

Wow . What an eye opener . Thank you. This really helps me shift my thinking. And feelings.

Advantage = power and control. They are. Fighting for control. Then they set u up by saying I'm not going to argue with you or I don't like arguing so u help them push you into the corner by not arguing or being conforntational so u don't contribute to a problem.

Hi. Thanks. {one of the biggest of my life}. I've been looking for you. I was severely bullied as a child. At 55 now, I've only in the last year or two uncovered narcissists and bullies in my life. The form they take now. I'm amazed over the last few months the self-preservation I've learned. And the self-knowledge. But I think you have hit the nail on the head. Your perspective of this being a character defect seems to be the truth. It really makes sense and "rings true". I've ordered you book a couple of days ago. It seemed as long as I considered their behavior an unchangeable personality defect, they get off the hook. But this perspective eliminates that, and holds them accountable. It makes my vision of these things much clearer. Thanks again.

It is amazing, I have been observing a manipulator in my family my whole life now, and have seen the progression, the tactics. The past couple of years, I've realized how this person changes reality to her taste, and I have been pondering whether it is conscious or not. Is she lying to herself, convincing herself.... when is it that she starts to believe what she makes up. I wonder if she has a conscience. I observe that when she manipulates others, her thinking process is close to what I see as total, absolute entitlement. She makes the other person look like a total wrongdoer (as she does make me look to others since the day I was in age to a little more than gagagoo), and she is so entitled, that anything is allowed to her. What also amazes me, is the lack of shame when she builds a wonderful tale about herself to other people, people admire her. It actually works. The calomny on others too works. This person has caused so much damage.

Thank you so much Dr. Simon. Your books helped me free myself from a very violent relationship where I was abused by an aggressive personality.

Dr., thank you very very much! I can say you change my life starting with your book (indo sheeps clothing). It's Hard enough to spot and deal with someone like this when the person is a member of your family, and do this thinking that person is a poor tormented soul make the job almost impossible. It was just when I got a copy of your book that everything started to fall into place, and I started to understand what the hell was happening! So again, thank you very much for making my life (and my husband's) easier, as we stop to feel like crazy people.

This talk is very useful for my dealing with a direct report, a bus driver in my department, who constantly tries to put me on the defensive. He often has, but this will help me learn to see what he is playing at. I need to watch more on this theme. Thanks.

I once dealt with an aggressive manipulator (Boss) whose behavior was at least easy to identify. But, I am currently dealing with a Team Leader who is incredibly cunning and manipulative. To make it even bad, she happened to be disabled and very softly spoken with a fake kindness whenever she needs to use someone. In case If, ever the world considers making a statue for a person who mastered the subject of manipulation, this lady would make herself the winner by far!

I am really enjoying listening to you talk it brings back a lot of things for me in the past

Last time my N daughter barraged me I stood firm instead of backing down and making my defensive case in back-pedal mode. It felt so good to just own my piece of ground - in spite of knowing I would not be hearing from her for months; she needed me to cave in to her demands and became verbally more aggressive as I just said; "I don't see things that way". So I am in "Siberia" with her now but it is better than playing that appeasement game to be on her happy side.

Excellent, excellent video!! Thank you so much for this! Can you possibly do more videos talking about this topic? I was taught to always be so polite, so it is so helpful to see that some people are just aggressors and want to get their way. Even I at times in my life growing up could be like (for example, the pre-teen years some girls were vicious) before I was born again. It’s not like I was trying to be evil or anything, it’s just that I was raised in a dog-eat-dog world and that’s how I knew how to survive. I have been born again for 20 years, so sometimes I forget that so many people in the world are really aggressors. I love how you explain too how these aggressors just want to be able to keep doing what they are doing and get away with it! And how you said “wrong”!! Cant wait to see Part 2 of this video! Thank you and God Bless You!! 🙏

golly I'm so glad we have geniuses like this guy to keep us from harm

I’m still trying to figure out if I’m being manipulated are not. It’s hard to tell if he has changed or if The wool totally over my eyes I just don’t know......

I never felt pity or tried to help manipulators. I just try to avoid them. I did the opposite of helping them or feeling sorry for them. They are insecure, but I realize they wont change, so I just avoid them and NEVER help them. They tend to turn people into enablers for themselves. Pity.. but I'm not going to help you! HA HA! (Nelson)

just so excellent, so glad that a professional has finally brought this into the discourse. They know what they are doing

your videos saved me! Thanks! If I tell you what happened to me you would NOT believe it. 3 people a "Master" and my ex plotted against me... I was neurotic about finding out why. These people called and text me saying were they knew were I lived and where going to destroy me cause I wasn't a real man. I went to the police and it was my ex all along being controlled by his Master... I felt bad for him... cause I was such a victim... If I was to tell you all the details, it was like a horror film... I lived through this... but now I know he was a total psychopath preying on me... I just couldn't believe it was happening - This was a person I was going to get engaged with. But your videos really saved me! It's NOW over and I'm no longer being harassed and I do NOT need to know why and for how long.... I just moved on. My only fear is that I do not trust at all now... but maybe that's healthy... to proceed with caution. THANK YOU!

George Simon, your viewpoints are excellent, pure truth. I've been looking for someone who can articulate the way you do.

OMGSH....I went to church today and the pastor said that what we believe drives our behavior. Now You are speaking on belief's and programming. They are fighting Wow that's powerful!!!

A point well-taken. And in my book "In Sheep's Clothing" I talk about what you have to be prepared for once a covert character's "cover" is blown.

Agree, not just offensive but extremely offensive. Childish and exhaustive as well. Set your own boundaries.

I like this. After exploring lots and lots of information about narcissism this is interesting and true. I am still not sure that defensive behaviour is unconscious.

I read this book to help me understand the insanity I was living. I though the problem was my husbands ex and maybe his mother. As I was reading I noted things my husband did, but wasn't ready to see the truth.. a few years down the track and more hell, with professional help, I discovered he was a highly functioning sociopath and his mother a covert narc. The ex was just a pawn in the game. Hell on earth.

You are so right.I've dismissed people I liked as simply because their behaviour didn't match up and they feigned ignorance.Consequently, they are attempting to get away with things that others can't.I approached on principle..the minute I had expectations they get enraged, stop listening, start cutting whatever but on principle WHY should their rubbish impinge or get in the way of my right to exercise my boundaries as adult?After all I am responsible for myself and my actions.

i studied psychology and did think that these tactics were used by people who were trying to protect themselves from further pain..so I felt pity for people manipulating me instead of getting away! this explains so much, and wish i figured this out a long time ago.. i was always inclined in helping manipulators..:S!!!

This is my mother-in-law! I said she was a manipulator and of course, she came back and said "I" was the manipulator. She does this all the time; anything you say to her, she turns it around and act like she's done nothing wrong.

Run for your life; don't give them one single chance to harm your peace.

This is so spot on in my family and in the church and I have had to deal with both Aspects of it and it’s not easy dealing with these kind of people.

brilliant, thank you Dr. Simon. i need to read all of your books ASAP.

Oh this is so bang on. As soon as I start raising my voice, feeling like defending myself. I soon quiet and realize this person is smiling inside. I can see right through them at this time and calmly back away physically, redirect the conversation with something strange "I saw a tiger in the woods yesterday" - "do you like tigers" Then I pick up and go.

That is a very honest and insightful observation you make! Thank you. I feel like your being so honest will definitely help you to not be vulnerable to manipulators.

Im happy I came across your video! I was friends with someone about a year ago, and to make a long story short, the behaviors you were describing in the video that person was doing. Makes me not trust anyone, even if they seem "nice" on the surfice.

I just ordered In Sheep's clothing, this is going to be very helpful. Thank you for having it in audio form.

My understanding is that they feel no guilt. I've dealt with disfunctional families in a fostercare setting At first it shocked me but then I became to see it for what it is. A art on the manipulators part .

I manipulate sometimes because I don't trust that God is in control. Fortunately, He punishes me for taking things into my own hands, like any good father would. We all have control issues, some worse than others. Being honest and not liking it is a good start for positive change. Thank You, brother. A kindred spirit lets me know I am not alone is this battle to state the blooming obvious in my fiance and address the same tendencies in myself as I see in her, but moreso. It's called- sin nature. God bless your work!

Glad to have come across your videos, I'll have to check out your book(s) next.

yes, they know what they are doing. there were indications along the way - with the one i was with - that she was intentionally manipulating me. ie. posing as an actual girlfriend, lying. and i had the sense that she enjoyed it, as though it were a game, one she's played many, many times. it's all about them winning. when you start to challenge, they show their true colours.

My ex used to say 'the best form of defense is attack..and he did! =/ Everyone, somehow, deserved a subtle form of attack according to him. It was a huge relief finally to get away from him. He chose to be destructive, it was not 'defensive' at all. And when he and I finally separated he happily admitted to me that he had enjoyed himself very much. That doesn't sound like someone very 'broken' or defencisve does it? He would happily set up situations that would cause an argument, then challenge why I felt so much need to defend myself. Very very controlling. I would say to anyone, don't waste your time, and protect your heart. People like this don't see a problem with themselves that needs to change. =(

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY somebody who recognises this behaviour as being totally intentional!!!! Why the hell are there so very few people who know about this, while in my observation there are so many people nowadays who behave like this? I really would like to know, because i struggled with narcotic parents since i was born and later with familymebers and now still with people both male and female who really as u explained perfectly are fighting to get the upper hand from you. OWW i feel this in my bones.....SO true, greetings R from the Netherlands

This is especially useful knowledge to have in a parental back pocket

I keep listening to this principle and realize it's a brilliant insight into the perpetrator's mind. Must... not... forget...

I'm going to look for your books, Doc. I've been doing self help since I was 14 because I've encountered these people in my family, at work, housemates, friends they're everywhere! I've been involved in hostile work places where violence occurred. I'm not going back into that jungle without more ammunition LOL.I also appreciate your laid back manner.You remind me of a psychiatrist I used to see who was supportive. Everyone needs some knowledge of psychology there are DIFFICULT people everywhere!

Understanding WHY YOU are falling for the manipulation is what’s even more important. Children are not taught Wisdom by so many ignorant older generations. Luckily, they are learning from each other online what their parents never taught them

Exactly. Thanks for reaffirming what I always believed. I used to explain this behavior to the offenders but now I walk away.

This was so, so, so helpful. Thank you.

Hello, I believe I have a problem with this to defend my ego. I have a problem blaming external factors rather than accepting my behavior. Can you help me?! Shannon

I actually want to say something. So this is what my Mom does because she wants me to see her point of view and she will fight for it as being right and I'm just wondering what to do in that situation. Say she is fighting to come out on top and most people are likely to use logic and reasoning in this case, and she says do I see what she is saying before it's end of discussion. When she backs it up with logic and reasoning she will have the whole room in agreement so what do I have to do to come out on top and therefore not be manipulated?

So true our daughter is a manipulator beyond normal teen crap she always has drama and constantly tries pushing me out and getting dad to herself I’m more strict and fallout her lies and cop outs she’s gets angrier ect ect so much more I’m sure u know n heard everything by now it’s exhausting n makes us fight cry become more exhausted we worry constantly for our youngest children it’s got to the point we had to tell our daughter we won’t sacrifice them for her after false accusations to child services we keep her up to ungodly hours (930pm once because she caught chores and homework all week) she has to many chores yet (her autistic brother level one does them) and to much home work ect child services had to look into it but laughed but it made us fear for our younger two to anyone with a child like this stay strong stay firm and communicate with your spouse don’t give up

George Simon, You're REALLY GOOD! I just subscribed. Looking forward to more! Got to soak up all I can before Thanksgiving! Oh yeah, they know exactly what they're doing!

Hello Dr Simons. Do you believe attachment anxieties hold any validity? Eg avoidant, secure, or anxious attachment styles.

phew I have just got rid of this one 'friend' in my life that has been pointing out my failings and mistakes endlessly. I told her to stop but no, she wouldn't. just carried on with trying to damage my self esteem.

I will definitely set out to find these books, i feel that this is a wake up call for me.. and i remember well my psychology classes, years of learning about how traumatized everyone must be in order to do bad things.... i still want to help people be the best they can be, but wil be careful not to fall into traps..especially of people who dont even mind hurting me or others:S.

Thanks so much for your kind words. Given the insight you seem to already show, I'm confident you'll get a lot out of the books!

Responsibility avoidance behavior - fighting for advantage - Yes, I see it! They're family and I want to help and love them, but not at their price. They don't want me or my husband, just $$$. I feel awful, lonely, hurt and guilty but how can I cave? They are not even nice to me.

Thanks for the comment and endorsement, Lindsey.

I'd like to share my story I've been married for 3 years. I'm noticing my wife is seemingly unmoved by anything i say. anything said is an almost immediate argument even if i am just making a general statement. she tends to tell all to her friends and not discuss anything with me. worst of all she seems to know my buttons and how to push them.

Do you have information on dealing with aggressive/offensive people? Especially if you have to work with them... Thank you.

Can you explain to us what causes the Narcissist disorder, especially "COVERT"?

...It's the Trojan Horse of psychological warfare.

I'm so glad to hear that, esp from you, a professional! Victory will come and order will triumph over chaos. Yes!!

Yes, Doc. Thanks!! For real, the man is brilliant and honest.