I had this same thing. Walking on egg shells . My lady used every day to belittle me or critique me. When I would respond she would give me the old line . You are too sensitive etc. One day I had enough and asked her to move out of my house that she was living for free. Problem solved . Maybe not handled in a professional manner . But now I have peace and don't have anyone rolling their eyes at me or putting me down.

1. Hyper Vigilance 2. Heightened Fear 3. Progressively More Submissive 4. Emotionally Drained 5. Suppressing Your Authenticity 6. Feel Invisible and Insignificant 7. Shut Down, Stop Trying to Communicate 8. Constant State of Confusion 9. Prioritizing Narcissists Needs, Neglecting Your Own 10. Shift to Fight Response

i walked on egg shells for close to 40 years 😞 i called it living in a mine field. constantly watching my step . thank you Lise. it’s been three years with pretty much no contact . but i still feel bad in so many ways .extreme depression being in the top of the list . i know it will pass someday 🙏🏼 thank you again.. you are helping so many of us 👍🏼

I didn’t recognize this for more than 20 years-not until after she started accusing _me_ of causing _her_ to walk on eggshells. 😞 Projection and gaslighting goes right along with it.

All of this applies to how I experienced dating someone with BPD too. It was a disconcerting revelation to learn how much BPD and Vulnerable Narcissism overlaps 😢 She still blames me for everything that went wrong and made no secret of the fact that she believes that I didn't give her a choice about the way she acted and about her ending the relationship. After nearly 2 years of this type or programming and repetitive cycle, it's difficult to substitute the constant resultant guilt with a sense of self-worth. These videos have been instrumental in concisely verbalising my disarray of emotions and in starting to believe that the 'shared fantasy' I was being sold was just a pipe dream and that I am not singularly to blame for everything that has gone wrong. Thank you.

Must be my lucky day, scored 10/10

Walking on eggshells is a standard operation with my wife who has an explosive anger. I have learned to watch what I say, if I say something wrong there are consequences, threats of divorce have been common. Yep, Lise all points you mentioned I experience on a daily basis, I'm not allowed to present any thoughts because my thoughts are always wrong. I have learned to keep all conversations dull and boring, no depth just shallow conversation.

That I never reacted angrily (raised my voice a couple of times) did me huge favours. I hadn't realised how NOT getting verbally aggressive/abusive in response was eating away at her. I hardly fuelled the fire she thrived on. She couldn't control me at all, which is why my relationship with her was so much shorter than with her ex. As she told me herself, "I'm a control freak", so she kinda knew what was like. The more I listen to your videos the more empowered I feel. The comments are great therapy too, even if it's sad to see that so many have suffered at the hands of these very broken people. May everyone heal ASAP.

Genuine education about narcissists. Thanks for the video.

These observations absolutely mirror my experience at home. It's liberating to realize that her behavior is more or less textbook and I understand why she vocalizes differences of opinion as 'against her'. I also understand her motivation in refusing to attend a group counselling session. Armed with this knowledge, I call out her gaslighting and no longer take her bait. And I am able to be my authentic self around her. I do have to keep from expressing a critical though about anything, as that triggers an onslaught - however, this is a minor tip-toe. So, I am relentlessly positive at home - and I have noticed that when I'm on top of my game, we don't talk very much. And when she brings up hot-button political issues or shares a negative outlook from her personal experiences, I find myself saying 'is that so?' an awful lot... conversation over - disaster avoided.

Thank you Lisa. You’ve described exactly the way of no life one is under in the devaluation stage. If you’re able to recognise this and can then leave. Not easy but if you’re able cut the hell shorter ❤

Wow this is exactly how my relationship went. I told her I always felt I was walking on eggshells and she used that to make me feel horrible for feeling that way by saying “oh so I’m such a horrible person then huh!”

All 10 are a yes for me. I have become desensitized to the hurt and emotional trauma.

Again I must give you praise for the incredible ability to explain SPOT-ON how it is to live with a Cluster B monster. Thank you!

Your videos are incredibly validating especially for men that have been in these types of toxic relationships. This could be life saving content

I've been watching several of your videos and I understand myself and my ex a lot better... It's painful because I still love her, but I know deep down it was the best decision we could have taken 😓 Thank you for you valuable work 🙏

Wow, very accurate description. I've unfortunately been there. It's a decay since I got out, and I still suffer from low self-esteem and difficulty with decisions. Watching your videos makes it easier to understand why I sometimes act in a way that's all about protecting myself. I'm strong and healthy, but my mind is a kind of "faulty programmed" after a life with a narcissist. Every day, I work to mend my broken soul, I'm getting better and it's so much easier after watching your videos because, now I understand what happened. Thanks 😀

All my life! I'm in my early 40s. This is exhausting. I have no idea what my life will be like when the narcs are gone. I won't know what to do with myself not being knotted up in the tiniest ball possible anymore. Thanks, Lise!

Shook me how accurate the feeling described is. I wish i had realized a few years ago what i was doing, and what it would cost me. Better late then never though.

I've been doing this for 30 years with my father's wife. She has ruined everything she could during my childhood, making it about herself. "Leveling" constantly putting me down, giving out backhanded comments and had complete and total control of my father, he erupts at my sister and I anytime we mention this. This spring after she ruined my grandmothers funeral making it all about herself and embarrassing me in front of family I went no contact. It's like an albatross has been removed at long last. 🙏

My husband's late covert Narc mother was like this. I was raised to be a doormat. I also had daddy issues. I was so busy looking out for MIL's venom aimed at me and my kids that I didn't see that my husband was also a covert narc. I do all the things listed in this video. I thought I was just being a good wife and mother. My husband actually had me believing that my reactions to his treatment of me was me being the bad one. It was him all along! I gave birth to 6 of his kids, losing one of them at birth. I had to force him to take me on date nights. Once I finally got him taking me out regularly, He would ask me where I wanted to go for dinner. He said I could go wherever I wanted. I would choose and then days later he would say I chose places that were too expensive. But he never told me that until much later to blame me for spending too much money. BTW, *he* is actually the reckless spender in the family, I sacrifice *so* much to save money. Even my health and well being. At least, I used to do it all the time. Not so much anymore now that I'm finally seeing what's going on. Anyway, I finally took to insisting he give me options on where he wants to eat. To this day, he acts like I'm inflicting a massive burden on him by asking him what my choices are. He will literally try to start arguments over it. Just so he can try to pin the blame on me for making the wrong choice. Just today, he acted very frustrated, huffing and puffing when I asked for suggestions on where to eat lunch. That's just one example. He's sucking the life out of me all while looking like a great guy and provider.

Been hypervigilant my entire life. Don't know how not to be.

it's difficult to recover alone

I just came across your content today & after watching 2 of your vids I subscribed. You make great content!!

I have experienced this walking on eggshells, with a number of people, as well as family members. What you are sharing, is so true, it’s a trigger, but I see it for what it is, and I now understand, it is very important to recognize this, and avoid anyone who has you in their toxic state. Some battles are best left not to engage, do what feels right.

Sublime fear of narc’s rage is basic to a life on eggshells.

I was constantly told growing up that my parents "walked on eggshells" around me. Though they obviously owned the space, both financially and socially. I never did anything but hide and sneak around them in order to avoid conflict. But they were the ones walking on egg shells.

Thank you Lisa you've been a blessing to me

Having confirmed that I am indeed married to a covert narcissist, thanks to these videos, the other factor is that before I realized that she is a narcissist, we had a daughter, who is now 6 years old, and I feel I can't leave my daughter behind, unprotected and all normalcy left void for her with her narcissistic mother, who loves to have and often invent reasons to become really angry and act the victim, even towards our beautiful daughter. So, I'm totally trapped, and 51 years old, slowly dying and withering away. So, in my mind I say that all of this is of my own doing. It is my fault that we got married, except, I thought we had to get married, because she was already pregnant at that time. We all are literally living in hell. She is an abomination, but believes that "I made her that way" while all along has never spoken to me wholeheartedly, and constantly stonewalls me, then tells me everything is my fault.

Lise, Thanks for sharing. Today I'm sad. Tomorrow is another day and I look forward to tomorrow. Today my love hates me, at least in the moment. It is in these moments that all bets are off with regard to commitment. I have fought the fight since 1988. Married three times to the same love. As I grow older I find myself more and more. As if I'm waking from a dream. My mind is clear though I don't have it all figured out. There is still so much love in my life from others. You I settle for the love I get while bracing for when it's taken away.

Thank you, sadly, this is 100 % what's going on in my house. I moved in with my mom and sister, 4 years ago. I won't abandon my mom because she's 88 and my sister has special needs and I do the majority of caregiving. Mom finally agreed to family therapy a year ago. We're better than a year ago but old toxic habits are so difficult to navigate through. While I'm committed to staying and helping mom and sister, I'm also committed to standing up for myself, in a healthy way with the guide of our counselor.

Funny (or sad) i have used the phrase "walking on eggshells" to describe my relationship with my brother. I am just now discovering this paradyme. All my life my mother & brother have abused me. I wish i had known about this sooner.

Yep. I was married to Frankenstein's bride. A total monster. You have described her perfectly; absolutely spot on. When people ask me why I had a divorce, I don't even try to explain. I say monster/npd. And if they want a clarification I direct them to online resources like your site telling them to watch and read about it, because it's to complicated to explain in a brief conversation. Any advice I can give comes from Tara Palmatier's book; run and "say goodbye to crazy"

There is no talking to a narcissist or someone with BPD they will rewrite the narrative. I’ve been living with one for 39 years and Each year it gets worse. I still cannot fathom how they think My Spouse drains the energy out of me every day. They keep you in the fog. If anyone knows how to set boundaries with someone with BPD, please let me know. I would love to hear any advice that can be given.

I just thought of something! Today is a holiday (Memorial Day) and so far it hasn't been ruined by drama or an argument for no particular reason. I was married to a covert narcissist for 17 years. It's been 5 since I filed for divorce and went no contact. I should have done it sooner. Even if you have kids, I still feel that it's best to divorce because all of the mess that comes with a narcissist, the kids feel it too. Better to provide them a stable, peaceful and loving environment 1/2 the time than stay in and deal with the abuse full time. Just my 2 cents.

Thanks for the message 😊

My marriage went passed feeling like I was walking on eggshells to walking through a minefield.

Verbal abuse, threatened, and gas lighted. Wife had the audacity to say that I'm the narcissist lol. I'm done keeping the piece. Once she threatened me with divorce multiple times.

Lise, you have helped us so much with context and understanding. Unfortunately i feel like somethings are inevitable and no matter how hard we try things wont change. I hate this illness (BPD) and that damage it has caused to both of our lives.

I really liked your comments, especially about reactive abuse. Very true and succinct. I have completely lost it, gotten so angry that I've mirrored the abuse back to the abuser. That's what they're hoping for, I think, to make you just as dirty as they are. But, sometimes, I just can't help myself.

Thanks so much for this video on this topic Lise this topic is very close to home :)

Thank you sooooo much for your wise words.

Only one way out is to get away from them as much as is possible.

Can relate to this video 😢

100%!!!!! Every single thing you’ve said. Everything. All of it. Ugggh.

Thank you. This is confirmation.

Lisa I love your channel.

Thanks Lise

so true.

Bpd relationships are scary. Run

Yup, sound's about right

Ya I’m starting to recognize that I’m doing this around a person I know.

Thanks!

I've been going through all this for the past 4 years with my sister. For complicated family reasons, aged parents, we were forced to live in the same house these last 4 years. It's hell. For sale sign goes up next week. Hallelujah. I'll be free. (I'll be out of here within months, thankfully). Thank you for video. I know I'm not crazy. I'll check back in in a few months and let you know how I feel in my own pad, all alone and free.

My brother is a narssist, he experienced the consequences recently. 8 weeks in physiotherapy for him.

Walking on eggshells also defines those who are People pleasers. In the end, no one is pleased including yourself.

My ex partner was atypical something as she doesn't seem to satisfy any category. But I know eggshells, I know appeasement and how I needed to be to prevent conflict. She wasn't overly volatile or dramatic, nor needy; she was actually very flat in the way she expressed, or in her behaviour BUT her moods were so erratic. I did everything for her, cooking, transporting/collecting her etc; I was instrumental in getting her through college and securing a good vocational job .. and she is where she is now because of my support. Things were fine when she was getting what she wanted but other times you just never knew what you were going to get. Cutting remarks, leading to arguments, (never rages and she only got physical violent on a couple of occasions when drunk) It was as though she felt she needed to win all the time and perversely she would start a debate defending indefensible points in what was clearly an attempt to foment conflict. Often I was shocked at her arguments; it just didn't make sense .I never knew anybody to be so well read yet so uninformed, so shallow in their psychological/emotional life. She had a very jaundiced view of the world, of others, most of the time and she lacked empathy, was hard and cold, never apologized for anything; I only ever saw her cry twice in six years and while I would tell her I loved her she would seldom reciptocate). She was also exceptionally mean with money and while I supported her financially she amassed savings of which I was unaware until much later in our relationship; That hurt! She was hard working and independent and while she had aquaintances she NO friends, just me. (I had limited my own social contacts accordingly). Socially she could be a Polly Anna, not seeking attention overtly but she attracted and enjoyed the company of men and on two occasions, in bars with alcohol on board, having a disagreement with me she went and sat on another guys knee .. crazy stuff! She could be subtly but noticeably flirtatious with men that we would meet ... she did not like other females!. When younger she was promiscuous and earned a rep as a girl who stole other people's husbands for casual sex .. she liked sex! I was intrigued by her too and our sex life was amazing, having a 'spider' quality to it which maintained the frisson and prolonged our relationship. But even here perversely, after sex she could turn around and say the most hurtful insulting things. It was so destructive to me and my belief that we had a loving relationship, heartbreaking .. but I loved her and stayed until, after six years, I couldn't do it anymore.

1 to 10 wow...Where was I in all this.. somewhere in the memories of the love bombing I suppose..

Absolutely hate it. Just hate it. It is the worst feeling in the world to feel like you have to watch every little thing that comes out of your mouth because you never know what’s going to cause an explosion from the person you live with. I don’t wish that on anybody. These days, I have found I get a little triggered whenever I think somebody is making me do this. It seems to make me want to deliberately do the opposite and just get it over with. Stomp those egg shells to powder and be done. Piss them off, let them decide I’m too unpleasant to be around and then they’ll leave me the hell alone. You can’t always do that especially at work but, I’ll be damned if I let anybody close to me personally who is like this ever again.

Bullseye. Thank you

I was told "I'm not gonna walk on eggshells" by my neighbor after she exploded at me on my porch for mentioning that I had a dr.'s appointment the next day. She ran off screaming that she hopes I have an insidious disease. I think other people have told her they have to walk on eggshells around her and her explosions. She was not walking on eggshells around me as she was over to my place 5 times a day and until the explosion, I thought she was needing a friend. Now I think she was over to my place looking for supply.

After two decades of eggshells I blew up like a volcano.Not the healthiest of responses.but damn,it felt good.Thanks for the perspective Lise.

I love all those psychology help videos. It's like you come to a surgeon with a broken arm, he looks at it and says "wow here are 10 signs your arm is broken!" -- okay great, what do we do about it?

Bingo

I'm a covert narcissist recovering from a family break up. I appreciate the help and I think you look lovely 🌹😍

It seems to me that Boderline Personality Disorder also causes these signs in the one living with. (There's even a book by that title that deals with that.

Eggshells and glass shards! I ground them into powder 1 month ago, my feet are healing just fine!

Would you be able to create a video giving advice on how to maintain a relationship yet protect yourself from narcissistic behavior? I have seen a lot of videos and instructions, suggesting that men can improve themselves and behave, in certain ways that can redefined a relationship without changing their partner. Are there anything you can add to this line of instruction?

Nearly all the women I've been in a relationship with, after the honeymoon has ended, they become so demanding, that most men feel as though they're walking on egg shells.... Stay free and healthy, that's the key 🔑 even in a relationship. That way time always lets you know if it's the right one. Good luck to all. And wishful thinking 🙏

🥇

Walk, hell. I learned to dance, fire for effect, and reload/clear jam(-s) romantically to the beat. No Moe. No Larry, Curly, nor Shemp either. Thank you Lord and Lise. I can still do these things, but for fun, profit, and the American way. Do not follow me, dem hoes b deep. Beep beep! That's All, Folks!❤

There were nights i had to close the door from the sleeping room, because she was walking in every hour .. just to let me loose sleep.

31 years ; It's all over with now as of March 7th 2023

Can that damage relationships? Also can others be the cause of you taking on that feeling like you don’t feel good enough for her because others have said “Well I don’t approve of him.” Also I felt like I was trying to people please either my family members and/or others. Snowball to Avalanche effect.

How can you feasably divorce a bpd in Washington state as a male

Narcissist people are like walking ticking time bombs.... Seriously!

I wouldn't be able to do that. I'd walk out, & tell the narcissist "sod you! "

Reactive abuse. I refuse to feel bad about being pushed beyond the limits of saintly endurance. I'm 62 and have self flagellated enough since childhood. Done. Just so done.

I’m so confused. #6 #9 and #10 is what my partner says about me but I started keeping a daily hourly journal and when I shared it with 3 different therapists to cross check if I’m to blame they all told me I don’t come across as narcissist. I’m stressed to the max, she’s got me on 70+ days of silent treatment mixed with belittling rage comments. Wtf do I do we have kids man

6:59 am. Eggshells yea a mine field, swimming with sharks and so on. It has been 12.5 years and I figured out what I was dealing with at about our 7th year. His cruelty is off the charts and it has changed me, I jump at the smallest things and have become very confrontational. I have to say I will not for one second allow him to disrespect, yell, call me everything from a whore and back or cross my boundaries, needless to say I no longer love him and tell him so; however it 8:13 goes in one ear and haven’t the slightest clue where it goes after that.

Been thru this, even 16 months after the relationship part of me still expects to get my head bitten off when I'm chatting with a female. The problem is with me not them.

I'm out and f hall. N bloater guide

I know a narcissist that works at the 99 cent store 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

This video takes a narcissist as the person that makes you walk on eggshells. But you could easily substitute narcissist with borderline.

Walk on those eggshells all the way out the door. Don’t think, don’t worry, don’t second guess yourself. Walk out that door and don’t go back. And keep walking for your sanity.

A lot of people are saying setting boundaries. I just want to know how many here ever succeeded in setting boundaries and yet the person with cluster B disorder stays with you. I would bet my reputation that most of you here failed because once you set boundaries with a cluster b, you'll be discarded quicker than a used condom.

✏️ Ecm Shock WROTE: 1. Hyper Vigilance 2. Heightened Fear 3. Progressively More Submissive 4. Emotionally Drained 5. Suppressing Your Authenticity 6. Feel Invisible and Insignificant 7. Shut Down, Stop Trying to Communicate 8. Constant State of Confusion 9. Prioritizing Narcissists Needs, Neglecting Your Own 10. Shift to Fight Response

Thanks!