Link to all my resources: linktr.ee/narcabusecoach

"The source of your pain, cannot be the source of your healing". That hit home! Thank you for sharing that.

This is so insightful. When I was 25, my narcissistically abusive parent physically assaulted me for the last time. He kept pushing and throwing me to the ground and hitting me in the face while calling me names, like "filth". I managed to shove him and ran and locked myself in the bathroom and screamed at him to go away. The police came to the house and bullied me to give them the name of the person who attacked me and I wouldn't tell them my father's name. I protected him. I was physically sick for a week, nausea, headache and I shook for hours that day. He came to the house a week later and when I opened the door for him - (because he'd come to do some work on my mother's house) - without saying hello, he called me a bitch. I sank into a deep cycle of depression and your video made me realize this was grief. Grief in realizing he'd never loved me and that I was just an object to him, a scapegoat for him to displace his own traumas. People in my family disdained me and minimized what I went through. There was no awareness. But my body knew and I went into a deep hole. I stopped contact with my father. My body simply repelled away from him like a force field was pushing me. Sometimes the trauma is so deep and unworkable that your body and mind retreat. You lose yourself. It took a long time to resurface but I did. It's possible. I wish anyone who goes through this to find the power within themselves. In the throes of it, you think you don't exist. But you do. You're always there if in hiding. Hang on. Keep fighting. Be good to yourself.

Grief is a big reason why depression happens. 😢 Even this alone is the main contributing factor to why it takes so long to heal. For the traumatic event, it is necessary to reach out to others. I've had several therapists, each focusing on different parts of trauma. It's a progression to keep going and find more resources to help your life become meaningful again. 😅❤

I'm struggling with anger and distrust.

Well this was exactly what I needed right now, because I'm feeling ashamed about still being depressed. Like, OK I learned my lesson, can I just move on now, but I still feel paralyzed.

Thank you so much for this. I had narcissistic abuse for 33 years and came out of that relationship not realising what had happened to me. I remember people expecting me to just pick myself up and move on but nobody realises when you leave a narcissistic abusive marriage, you come out as an empty shell. It takes such a long time to find yourself again. It took me 5 years but I'm in such a good place now and so in charge of my own life. I go to bed every night and thank God for the beautiful peace in my life, which I never knew for that 33 years. ❤

The depression is so heavy. So is the rebirth. My mind keeps tormenting me, challenging the way I recall interactions and the relationship, insisting that I get through to my ex narc that he WAS the huge problem. I can't believe any of this. Ugh😢

currently going through the depression ugh

Said brilliantly! Most people just don’t get it at all. Worst than a death of a loved one!

3:40 I've read and read, seen therapists, and watched other videos but no one broke it down to 1. Cognitive Dissonance and 2. Trauma bonding. THAT IS different than other kinds of grief. Yes, these losses are not easy to make peace with because they are deep and so many. TY, Sir! ★★★★★

The shock of realizing you escaped the clutches of a sadist that tried to destroy you, and they may have been successful to a great degree. It's as surreal as you describe. Thank you for thisinformation, Dr. 🙌

I've come a long way in my healing process and I see the flashbacks of my self going through all this dying and rebirth, in the process. I'm literally in tears watching this

Such a deeply compassionate, comprehensive, and beautifully articulated, healing explanation of post narc abuse depression! Thank u, Danish. You are a natural poet! ❤

It's been two years, those memories of betrayal and grief still hit so hard. He has moved on conveniently but I still feel stuck. I hope I feel better.

In my last relationship, I thought I was the narcissist. But then she left and completely erased me from her life. Super painful. Was years ago and I still think about it.

Have you ever seen double-sided puzzles, where there’s one picture on one side and another picture on the other side? Each puzzle piece fits into both puzzles…you just have to figure out which puzzle you’re building to know how the piece fits in. I liken healing from narcissistic abuse to destroying the existing puzzle (the one the narcissist wanted), then picking up each puzzle piece to examine it. In examining each piece, you must simultaneously decide which puzzle you want to build, grieve the puzzle you are no longer building, and feel empowered for choosing to build YOUR own puzzle. Every. Single. Piece. Every memory, hope, and dream. The future you envisioned, your health, your finances. The years you can never get back. That so many friends are fair-weather and shallow. The utter betrayal of everyone, even your own self. That your kids oftentimes can’t be protected from the narcissist. That a custody schedule is a false reality. That you have to cram 20 years of adulting into 5 to make up for lost time. There’s so much grief with each piece. Then one day you wake up and you actually want to face the day because finally you’ve grieved enough to see sunlight in your future again. And your friends are your own and are genuine. And you’re not so triggered. And you’ve tried a few things, failed, and came out strong…and are empowered by the process of falling on your face and not dying. Yes, facing the depression and the unparalleled grief feels like death by fire. And then the rebirth comes. I am drawn to the phoenix, because I am one. And so are you all. We’re just at different points in our journey. It is worth it to grieve and be depressed. That’s being real with yourself. And haven’t you earned the right to have reality in your own life again? Haven’t you earned the right to actually process those feelings you had to suppress and pretend away for all that time? You are worthy of reality, phoenix. And someday we will all rise. Together we are changing the world into a truly more beautiful place.

Thank you for this! It is so validating. People who haven't experienced narcissistic abuse just don't get it.

Your best video yet on narcissistic abuse in my opinion. I am over a year out of the relationship, and 22 days from one year of no contact (yes, I am counting down), and I am rebuilding myself, piece by piece. Everything in this video makes absolute sense. I have no desire to date at the moment because I am just enjoying the peace and serenity of not having him around. I appreciate just being able to make my own decisions again. And that's where I am in the recovery stage of that mindf*** of a "relationship." Thank you so much for your insight on this horrific abuse!

I understand now after 17 long years of being single. But God blessed me with a very loving husband. ❤we have been together 4 yr plus and been married for 2 plus years now. I’m so happy now.❤

I’m getting better but the toughest is now him telling everyone that he was done so wrong because i finally stopped replying to his breadcrumb messages! I wish I cld get past caring abt the smearing of my name in our small town. Blessings to everyone here!🙏💪💛

Excellent video! Much needed. Ot explains very well the devastation that happens. I thought I should feel “great” after finally escaping. And then after going to court to have the Protection Order upheld and the judge appalled at the blatant sarcasm and disrespectful attitude even for the court was a huge “win”. But I got VERY DEPRESSED for several weeks after. I did not understand why. I should have felt good about being understood and heard. But in reality it just put a huge spotlight on how ABSOLUTELY AWFUL this person IS. AND THAT THEY WILL NEVER HAVE ANY REGRETS OR ACKNOWLEDGMENT of the abuse. Someone is supposed to have been loving you and yet they can treat a “loved one” so badly is soul crushing. I pray that all of those out there who are going through this process will find peace. NO CONTACT is a great beginning. Getting them OUT OF YOUR HEAD is the next big hurdle. This information helps us! Thank you for the content!

5 stages of grief: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. And Acceptance. In no specific order. Can revisit each stage or get stuck in one particular stage. Until or unless reach acceptance.

Alcohol abuse. Soul crushing. May God restore is.

You know who helped me most? Older ladies 70 80+. I just had some pancakes with both ladies who could at least be my mother or older. I remember also when I still was in my narcissistic relationship it was a woman of 80+ that made me feel ok. It is not that I’m against women because my woman abused me. It’s not that I cannot trust a woman again. I had to go through my process of letting go of someone who isn’t worth fighting for. Thank you for bringing your thoughts about this abuse because many people are struggling, male and female.

Beautiful video. ❤ The topic reminded me of one of Sam Vaknin's videos called "Your grief is shared fantasy too". I don’t know if you're familiar with his concept of the "coerced snapshotting", it brought me so much clarity. This grief is also, according to Sam, for the loss of the idealized version of us in such interactions with narcissists. I liked your anology with the rebirth process because to recover a sense of self you must mourn the loss of the fake identities that were conditioned and forced upon you, while also giving birth to this new consciousness that sees it all and saw - and felt - what happened.

Thank you Danish- I love all your vids, you’ve helped me understand more about narc abuse and And the healing journey. What’s been depressing for me is the loss of friendships I’ve made with the narc after 25 years of marriage. I chose to walk away from it all and not look back.

The relationship is only to gain access. The abuse continues afterwards, even if youre no contact. For quite a while.

Thank you, Danish. I thought I had to heal all at once. You are correct, little bits of healing at a time. Yes back in forth of healing.

Thank you for breaking this process down. You explained everything I have been experiencing this past year. I cried two days ago and I thought I was through my depression but you have explained that it takes more time. I was married to someone who took so much from me. I feel all the losses you spoke about and its tremendous. I know I am healing and I will be more patient with myself. Some days I am still shocked that a being walking this earth could do this to another being. This work you are doing is amazing and its so sad that society is unaware of these crimes against so many.

Danish, pls forgive the excessive nature of this: I love you for understanding what I/we are going through. Thank you and God bless you.

Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,

I am going through depression after divorcing my narcissist who I was married to for 28 yrs but together for 45. He was unfaithful and though I gave him a chance he never stopped. It hurts when I see he doesn’t care and has moved on and I’m still grieving. Thank you!! Listening to your videos help me, as all you describe I have gone through and felt.

I cried through this whole video. 😢 I really wanted to move this depression process along but knowing that its something I have to go through makes me feel a little relieved.

I had a narc mother, narc (golden child) sister and unwittingly married a narc (now divorced) Even on her deathbed my mother did not apologize for how she treated me. I left almost everything with my ex just to get away from the abuse and what little I took, he contacted me, wanting it. My narc sister said during the pandemic that she hoped I got sick. When I reminded her that was not 'love' she actually snorted. I have no family at all now. All the non-narcs have passed away. Not the life I'd envisioned....I don't strike up friendships anymore because I just don't feel fit for it. It can take far longer than 2-3 years to recover if the abuse is from multiple sources and long standing and severe.

Danish, whatever u said is totally true...thank you for uploading this video because it will help a lot of narcissistic abuse survivors...the points u have highlighted.. most people need to be aware of these... thank you...

This Depression Anxiety And Grief Is Very High 📈 Sometimes The Loneliness Makes Me Just Wanna Keep Crying

It was very insightfull, thank you. I am 3 years now in the proces of healing, I am better, but not yet healed.

I thought something was wrong with me until I saw this video.Thank you for the clarification.

Oh Danish thank you for helping me to understand what I am just now trying to come out of. My narcissist was in my life for over 32 years before I escaped. He destroyed me physically, emotionally and mentally. I had no idea who I was or even who I was before. I went into a deep dark depression for over three years. At one point I believed I was grieving his loss. He died two years after our divorce and I mourned because I wasn't there to care for him until the end. Sick!!! It wasn't until this January that God spoke to me and helped me to begin what I was really suffering from. And you my friend came into my life when I needed you and certainly helped me to make sense of this nightmare I lived. You are the best and I wish you many more years of peace and happiness. ♥️🙏♥️

Thank you endlessly, I am almost 2 years into the healing process from exactly everything you described. It really is unbelievable unless you have experienced that grief & sadness. Thank God, I persisted with the no contact, I am finally able to get out of bed & function. I also had severe exhaustion without any words to describe. This is the absolute best video & you are fantastic! I just know you are really helping a lot of people. I have been binge watching your videos, because they are all so good. I wish I had found you 2 years ago, I would have moved thru this process faster.

Thank you for a brilliant video Danish. It is exactly the way it goes, we often go through depression because of the grief following the narcisistic abuse. We need to tell ourselves the truth and sit with the pain in order to get over it. We need to feel it to heal it.

They never loved me. My parents and seven siblings never loved me at all. I love me!

I agree that it feels like being the worst experience one can go through. And the fact that society pushes to quickly move on is making it worse. Most people just don´t get it. Thank you Danish ❤

I have realized it after 1 yr of grieving that it's all a lie.it's a one sided attachment. Now I think I am a fool that wasted 4 yrs of life in imagination.But my family has supported me well.I think they're more depressed than I am coz of my over sharing with em but they truly listened to me.I am very grateful to them in supporting me in this process . Now I have to move on n welcome my new life with positivity n hope.

Thank you so much for this much needed detail. Nobody understands what we are going through and everyone says that its all over don't over think. You addressed Delayed realisation, cognitive desonance and disenfranchised grief ..... Thank you

Thank you for validating this healing process!

Good to have this channel and other channels that walk us through this tremendous amount of pain , suffering, confusion...anger.....and all the people that have been through the same abuse Thank you 💜

Danish Sir I thank you Great /helpful information Thank you

Danish dropped another fire video I really like it how facts where fired in this one. Thank you Danish you are our savior

I think im coming through this. Though there's days I want to scream and be mad at everything. Then there's days I'm overly happy. Will I come to a happy medium.

One thing i had to do was to accept that evil exist. It was very difficult, but things got much better.

I guess one positive is the thought of where you would have ended up had stayed with them, that's the worst scenario of all.

You Channel is a Blessing. I can't explain in words how much you make me feel validated. Keep up the good work. I am so grateful for your existence and efforts. May God bless you with abundance of Happiness and Peace❤❤

I really needed this explanation and breakdown of emotions in dealing with this dead man walking. Thank you!🙌🏾

My ex was the opposite. He kept thinking that he was entitled to be in my life. No thanks! Processing everything I went through was hell but eventually got easier and easier. I was so angry at people telling me that since I was "free" that I needed to brush it off and move on. I lost my family, 20 years of my life, my self-esteem, trusting people, confidence in decisionmaking and so much more. Thank you for your support and insight Danish. ❤

Pool of sharks?! 🦈🦈🦈 How true!

I'm also going through depression it's crazy knowing all these things of narcissists n all is it possible to miss not miss as such but rather it feels strange realizing it stopped not completely but it's like waiting for it when is it going to start

If depression is anger turned inward, then anger can give you the energy to change. My depression centers around giving my best; energy, love, understanding, creative problem solving, benefits, work, TIME, to all the wrong people. I am mourning the loss of living a happy, healthy life.

This video has been the most helpful of all on my journey to recovery from narcissistic abuse. The depression has been DEBILITATING at times, the HARDEST process I have ever had to endure but Danish is BANG ON about facing it head on! It truly does allow you to connect unfortunate dots but this is also what allows you to forge the path forward on more solid authentic ground. Thank you Danish for granting me clarity, wisdom and some peace on this God awful journey!

Depression is a natural response of a sick society, You need deep rest to heal. Deep-rest ion

Helps me a lot into understanding why at times I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness when flashes of memories came and made me realized the reality of what had actually happened to me. Thank you so much. Now I know I'm on the right path towards healing (I thought I was going backwards..).

Thanks helping people understand what they are going through and not understand what is happening 2 them;

Exactly. Excellent explanation. So well said. Thank you.

Sometimes your being broken situation, Lasts for lifetime until you die.❤

Brilliant as always. I don't know how to thank you Danish. The eloquent, clear and honest way you address and explain these important, difficult and complex topics is VERY helpful to the victims of narcissistic abuse. Keep up the good work.

Thank you and God bless you, Brother. Your videos have helped me to understand that it wasn't just me, and the real healing has begun...SMILE!!!

Well tbh my days quickly got sparkly and shiny again after I discarded him. It felt like relief the first few days. Torment gone! Maybe thats also because I allready took 3 years healing from narc abuse earlier in my life. I never lost myself in either situation tho. I do feel alot of dissociation though. My mind simply cant comprehend so much evil existing. My boundaries are clear and Im never losing myself, I know who I am. These things safed me from the worst damage. 💪🏼

It seems you have seen all my life and what I’m going through right now.

You have completely described what I’m going through. Extremely depressed and feeling trapped. My goodness check every box. Exhausted and unable to reenergize. Thank you I can still feel their energy and it’s oppressive. It’s a family member who is sick so I’m on edge,worried and depressed. I feel sorry for them. ButI know their toxic and dangerous.

this video was so much comforting after going through this for 10 months, finally something made me feel understood. thank you

The loss of the family you THOUGHT you had 🎯

Wow Danish u have literally just listed all the things we struggle with that we have lost, that I just listed in a comment on a previous post. Thankyou for the validation!! ❤ 🙏 The other reason for depression that continues is what I have realised: I'm still surrounded by narcissists! I discarded my sister and now keep her at arms length which improved my life a lot..only to then realise my mother is a covert narcissist! So I am in the process of separating myself from her, (I have in my own heart and life but only slowly revealing this to her). When you realise it's the way that pretty much everyone in your life has been relating to you...it's a huge shock. That basically everyone kept you downtrodden and worthless, to make themselves look good. And that there is no one in your life you can trust or rely on.. I only talk to my CPN now, that's all. Everything else I read online.

It took me over three years to get over my last girlfriend of 3 years, i was 100% free of all of what you said in this video only to attract another Narcissist ex, i was with her for just on 3 years and im going through the nightmare again, i havnt heard from her in 4 months after she blocked me, i was so carefull in the beginning of the relationship, but to be honest i didnt see the red flags or i chose not to see them, it was hell and the recovery is hell as well, but you do get over it, like i said it took me 3 years to get over my ex, now im so carefull who i bring into my life and i have trust issues, im scared i might attract another narcissist so atm im just doing me, healing and taking one day at a time, thanks for your videos, they help the hurt heal.....

Thank you for your words. I hope you Danish are feeling the healing.

"The dating pool is full of sharks." Not the wisdom I was expecting, but wisdom nonetheless.

I am extremely grateful to your videos which gave me so many answers. I didnt realise even after 3 yrs of seperation that the person was narcissistic. I always used to think about the good memories thinking how tajt person changed overnight. But the truth is that he was probably that way, hence he wasnt scared of cheating me and getting into another relationship while being with me. I am really grateful as igot answers whcih i suppose should help me get over the depression. I am still scared of new attachments and have developed trust issues.

Thank you Danish, This comes the closest to how I feel, from 6 to 63...and I am just now starting to grasp, the last little bit of me that survived. and I kind of like the way I turned out.

You are the only person who understands what I'm going through

Thank you for this video. The pain is so extremely bad. I’m on day 5 of leaving my wife narc. The loss of the person, relationship, friends, family, financial stability, a friend (when on a high), and of course all the “what my life and relationship was supposed to be”. I’ve never experienced this kind of grief before in my life and it’s absolutely debilitating. I hope I can make it the through the pain.

Please everybody who is watching this channel, listen to what he explains here. VERY IMPORTANT . It is 100 % accurate , My therapist said forget him, go on moving forwards do not look back, there a more nice guys on this planet, why do not date , be open for a new love ? It took me 3 years process, ( after 16 years patchwork family of him and his kids ) as you explain so completely correctly. Every single step. I thought it would go quicker I managed absolute no contact till the now ( also with his kids what hurts me so much too) and I will never contact him again , I avoid all places where I can possible meet him even he does not live here anymore.. If you did not experience this kind of abuse , you will never understand , what you explain Danish. And you can not skip, or take short cuts, it will come back if you do. Or you have also similar personality disorders . I was trauma bounded with a covert psychopathic narcissist . A man who adores power and control, passive aggressive. Prince Charming, he did not beat me , but the hits are on your soul and breaks your self totally down. It is really a process of die and stand up again , die and stand up again.

When it hapoens in families, and is finally pinpointed, a realisation of wasted years, is deoressing. Wrong decisions becase of the narcissist's twisted behaviour.

I always say the narcissistic abuse i endured from my mom and brother has changed my DNA. It’s the foundation i walk on every second of my life. I’m always depressed hopeless confused and seeking anything to make me feel better which never comes. I’m in 30+ years of therapy and medication and im still suffering!

My depression will be with me forever. Forty years of life and nothing to show. Once the ex realized how I felt about my children and set out to completely destroy our relationships. Once he had achieved his goal he then ramped up the abuse, knowing that if I left he “got” the grown kids and grandkids. I’m left feeling that I was a womb, entertainer, cook, bank account, and nothing more.

Danish you are god sent. Bless you for using your knowledge and helping others.

Strangely, my depression is going away *while still living with the narcissist!!!* i think I just needed confirmation and I'm now no longer grappling with her (and her enabling husband) telling me it's her "clinical depression" and being scolded to "learn how to talk to people with depression" and that calling her out is "uncalled for". I'm no longer thinking to myself "but is it really? Something doesn't add up, but I don't know what..." when I hear that now!

Thank you for your videos! I really needed this right now. Two relationships with narcissists back to back, and I finally ended the last one for good. The years of off and on, and holding onto potential, all while being drained of my inner light and self love. I'm really feeling the depression now. It's not the same as the sadness and anxiety I felt during the relationships. This feels soul deep and is affecting my everyday life. Emotional Rollercoaster of sadness, anger, anxiety, numbness. Narcissists really do a number on you, but it also helped me recognize toxic or narcissistic people early on. Sending love to all the victims, survivors, and thrivers ❤

The depression stems from the time lost and that you are wasting time with recovering and having wasted your time on problems and dark memories, instead of living the present and future in developing yourself healthily and having normal relationship with family. The narcissistic abuse seems to be more painful if your own parents are the narcissists, hence why I will still be enchained to them even after I leave them. However, if I had a narcissist spouse or girlfriend, being an adult male I could always walk away from them and forget them. I think that it is more difficult for women because they are enchained to a narcissist if they have a family together. I experienced this with my mother as financial abuse was his weapon and I was the center of the abuse on my mother early in childhood. This is why later on my mother was conditioned as a narcissist and started also her abuse when I was in my teenage years complementing my father's. I could not leave them due to becoming ill, being unemployed, and staying longer for my sibling so that she can avoid the abuse and mother when I was a young adult. This is how my narc father trapped me and undermined me.

They mourn you after they are just crazy as hell and you MUST protect your self

True, this depression is about accepting all the loss and reality that the cause of this loss is the person/persons whom we had loved, trusted and respected the most. How unbearable is it to sit with this truth!!! But we have to go through this darkest tunnel everyday, every time,... hoping for the light at the opposite end.

Omg u are amazing this is so so hard and going thru this now as we speak it is excruciating

Actually the only working way I've found for myself is reconnecting with the abuser years after the relationship and talking/going through everything. But I changed through those years and no longer allowed abuse. But it's not for everyone.

I’m trying to maintain peace with my sister in law. Her and her husband moved back to the town I live - I wasn’t married to my husband when she moved away and I didn’t really know her. I loved hanging out with her when we went on holidays and thought/felt she was amazing. Then she moved back. She can’t be alone - daily calls to come over, calls several times a day. Sitting in a parking lot outside while my husband and I were at a Christmas party she wasn’t invited to (I failed to check my phone that evening), telling me I had to rebook a trip I was going on with my cousin to accommodate her (she wasn’t included - but my cousin and I had planned this before she came along) and demanding to go with me when I visit other friends. Inviting me to everything she was doing (which would be almost every night) and when I said no - demanding to know why. My behaviour towards her changed a lot. I took a straight forward approach - no, I’m not doing that, I’m not going with you today. And some of her behaviour was damaging to my reputation in my husbands family. Pointing this out to her - she couldn’t discussit or it was ‘someone else’s fault’. I grew very resentful around her and became sarcastic to the point of being mean. I hated myself after spending any time with her and started actively avoiding her. She finally blew up at me (in front of my step daughter in laws.) I was happy in a way. Then she demanded I come over for a ‘struggle session’ to answer for ‘my bad behaviour’ and I balked and avoided her. Volleys of mean texts - including a long list of why I’m a shitty person (and she is positive - oh so positive). I turned it around and said with a list like that you shouldn’t want me around at all. I never hit back with her behaviours - I knew she wouldn’t hear it anyway. Some of her accusations were correct - I was mean to her, I was sarcastic and resentful. There were other things that came out of left field. My goal is ‘arms length and polite’. She is always planning parties, and she is at every kids function (we have 7 grand kids and numerous nieces and nephews so there are a ton of birthdays in a year.). It worked for a while, but now she is texting or calling almost daily to hang out with her. I say no thank you and then it’s like ‘what about Saturday then? Sunday? I don’t believe you are that busy!’ Ugh.

In 1 months i will rwach the 2 year mark since i ended the hellish relationship. She was cruel. Left me in a complete shambles alone. Im far better now then when it ended. I still wake up in the morning with relationship flashbacks. I was physically, emotionally and financially abused. I pray everyday my depression will end.

I’m on month 21 and I’m so much better than I was last month.. it’s a process and no one understands it unless you have experienced Narc abuse. I’m so proud of myself because I have come so far. I am not the same person I was before this relationship. Hard lesson I had to learn

Thank you Danish for this eye-opening video. It truly answered so many questions and concerns. I'm a lucky survivor of narcissistic abuse, 3 full years now...and my narc was only a business partner for 18 months! I can't even begin to imagine having a narc for a parent, a spouse or a sibling. For me, the gaslighting and the bait-and-switch tactics were the worst parts of the experience. It's interesting to study the cycle of narcissistic abuse and the ticking off of boxes in order on the narcissist "checklist." Fortunately, I didn't suffer the traditional triangulation and flying monkeys like in a personal relationship, but I did take a big hit with the smear campaign. My post-discard depression kept me in bed for 3 full days and I even went to a doctor AND a psychologist over it. My pain wasn't necessarily hurt, but rather utter confusion. I am the type of person who needs closure only to find out, in this particular instance, the closure IS there's no closure. Unfortunately, the story doesn't stop there. I have to sue my narc in court and he will ultimately be exposed for his criminal activities and will undoubtedly lose as the truth comes out. It's also interesting when you say this person is now dead to you and never even really existed at all. I took one look at him from across the courtroom and I didn't even really recognize him. He was just a shell of what I once knew, a mirage or illusion as you so beautifully pointed out. Nonetheless, this grieving is a VERY lengthy process like you say. Stay strong, survivors! It's a loooong road to recovery, but it's possible, inevitable and even EXPECTED of you at the soul level.

During the recovery, now 22 years long, it continues, as you now first have time for that examining, which you never had before, to think about yourself and your life. You mastered it alone. Before this, you had other duties surrounding work and family. Going further back, in your memories, as time progresses, you can see that your parents set the stage for what you, in your life, would accept as 'normal' and that they or someone made a long-lasting imprint upon you, your behavior, ways to cope and your self-image. You meet so many selfish people, that the world seems to be full of Narcissists. You might even see the part of yourself, which must be outwardly narcissistic, in order to put them in their place immediately, by ignoring them, therefore, putting them in their place, which is a convenient orbit, much further away from your inner planet's orbit and solar system. A quick 'Hi' while continuing walking is quite satisfying. After all, honestly, they have lost the beauty you once saw in them. They are no longer attractive and they belong to the past, which no one can enter. Basically, you leave them standing there, or walking away, whatever they did after rejection behind your wake, because after all, they fought hard to become a stranger. ❤

yes ... yes ... yes! to all of this. yes, the realizations come in packs and bits !

Thanks for breaking it down and providing so s much detail. Please continue to share information. I look forward to your sessions.

Great video Danish 👌 I have just shared this with a friend who is really struggling with this very thing and has found it very helpful ❤ thankyou for your awesome channel and insightful information it really is helping so many people! 🌻