Their reaction to crying is coldness and irritation. Your crying is a sign of weakness.

This is when I hate him the most. The more distraught I become, the more cold and uncaring he becomes. Like a brick wall.

I did cry on more than one occasion during the 12 years while married to Narcissist #1. His reaction, "Stop. You're just trying to manipulate me. It's not working."

"Why are you crying?", "It wasn't that bad!", "I didn't mean it.", "You're overreacting." etc.

I was raised by a narcissistic father and codependent mother. My father would tear me apart with belittling me as well as hitting me. As soon as I began crying he would say "Stop feeling sorry for yourself" and continue verbal abuse. My mom never intervened. I am 72 and have a very difficult time crying!

Joke's on them. Crying strengthens me. After a good cry, I'm charged with new resolve, ready to face whatever comes head on. Crying can be an expression of rage, despair or joy. They'll never know which, neither do they care, and that's not a bad thing at all. However, I truly feel for infants and children who have these creatures as parents and guardians. I truly do.

My grandfather, who I was very close to, died. My narc soon-to-be ex husband never once embraced me, comforted me or said anything kind. When I cried, he rolled his eyes

I cryed once in front of a Narcissist, never again, they couldn't have cared less, and acted like I was faking it😏🚩🏃‍♀️

I went to bed crying my heart out while he slept so soundly next to me. Cried alot and he bever wrapped his arms around me or comforted me not once. He is disgusting to me. Im happy and have moved forward with my life.

6. They pretend to care, by acting the way they know they should behave. Only to hurt you even more afterwards.

My narcissist would do this all the time. If i was crying he would roll over to not face me or sleep through it. He would also leave the room if i was crying. Or just stare at his phone. He would get irritated with me and never acknowledged it.

They are heartless creatures .no passion no compassion Yes when i cried ,he turn over and sleep immediately with horrible snorings 😢leave me in thousand pieces

My experience was to be told” turn off the tears, there’s nothing for you to cry about”

I've never seen my father look so happy and fulfilled as when I was crying.

This was one of the most hurtful parts of being with someone who’s a narcissist. You feel so badly that you’re raw and cry, my narcissist made fun of me. Mocked me by fake crying and acting like a baby. It was one of the most hurtful things that had ever happened to me. I had never had that happen to me before.

Even when you explain to them that they hurt you all different ways, they just never get it. Thank you Danish for explaining what they are .

When I cried; blank looks or "oh now you're crying ffs"

When i was a child, a motorcyclist ran into a car parked at the curb in front of our house... though he had a helmet on, he was bleeding out of both ears (he later died). I witnessed the accident and burst into tears...my n-mom grabbed me roughly and shoved me back into the house as though I had done something wrong. Both the accident AND her reaction to my pain have haunted me for decades.

Danish, what you said about them being able to peacefully fall asleep after an intense fight was not only spot on, but a very frequent occurrence with my narc. There were times when I was sobbing so hard that our mattress was literally shaking, and I had to wrap my arms around myself to try to self soothe, and even further than that, it was not just only to try to keep myself from becoming completely unglued, but also because I did not want to disturb him and exacerbate, what had already taken place, even to the point where I would have soaked my pillow and have mucus running out of my nose, but wouldn’t dare move an inch to try and reach for a tissue. There were also many occasions, where, at a certain point I’d be so beside myself, that I’d try to gently, slowly move closer to him and ask if he’d let me lay up against his back so we could try to get past what had just happened; that usually didn’t work out [but] only made him angrier; sometimes he’d elbow me away and pull all the blankets onto himself so that I should have to lay there uncovered. I never seemed to learn my lesson with thinking that I might possibly be able to bring calm to the situation. All it did was cause more suffering and to feel the need that I had to apologize even more. That was a vicious cycle if ever there was one. …Two weeks from now I will have successfully been six months with having gone no contact. I’m proud of myself but still struggling something fierce.

My husband’s former wife died. His daughter rang him crying. His response. What are you crying for. That won’t bring her back! That comment was made to his golden child. He never even bothered talking to his sons. Worse on the day of the funeral he sent them dirty jokes via text. He was married to that woman for thirty years. He didn’t bat an eye when she died.

He glared at me like I wasn’t there , then he hugged me but it wasn’t genuine I could feel him not wanting to hug me

He just screamed at me and called me a crybaby and acted as if my moment of pain invalidates everything good about me. "See! I KNEW YOU WERE CRAZY!" It just encourages them to increase the abuse.

When I was about seven yrs old, I've heard someone on TV describe a person as young. I asked: "mum, are you young?" she made a cruel joke: "no, I am old and will die soon" I cried, to what she laughed: "what are you crying about, stupid? what's that to you?" and she left me like that.

It is viewed by a narcissist as weak & unstable... when in reality ,the narcissist is weak & unstable.. Crying is actually very human & validated just not by narcissist, who are bullies & cowards .

My mother would not console me - she would call me weak and that I had nothing to cry about. When my mother in law died - I phoned my mother and told her. I was crying because I loved my mother in law. My mum asked me nastily 'why are you crying? She wasn't your mother'.

I was basically forced to suppress everything. I still have suppressed emotions from my childhood, I realize it, and I'm doing my best to decompress it all. Little by little. It's not that I don't want to cry, I can't. I keep fighting back because of the abuse and being a man nowadays is like taboo. I'm still a mess but I'm getting there by the Grace of God Almighty.

I have experienced this and they do not feel nothing . Don’t even acknowledge your crying at all

I’ve cried thousands of times in front of my father and my husband. It’s taken be until age 56. I’m upset because I wish I had found this information earlier but it’s never too late. What you say is soooo true. I now know I’m a daughter of a child abuser (emotional) and a wife of one as well. Mahalo from Maui ❤❤Saving my life

Your insights about narcissist are remarkable, mysterious, and extremely helpful. Thank you, Danish Bashir! You're making this world a much better place!

I will never forget, I fell on my knees and just cried, no words left to describe the pain… It left me feeling scared: he had a uncanny smile and told me to get up and stop crying. The second time: our daughter was only a few weeks old and after accusing me of not letting him be around (he cheated on me while pregnant and left me on my own, never paid anything during the pregnancy), and I was crying with our daughter crying in my arms, “please don’t leave me, please don’t go. I can’t do this on my own. You said you wanted to be a family. Please don’t leave me!” He closed the door and disappeared for a long time.

When I cried in front of my narcissistic father he said, "Nice try." When I told him I loved him when I came home from the hospital, he laughed in my face, then he asked if I was finally going to be able to start losing weight.

Only people who’ve survived narcissistic parents can be this insightful. Thank you Danish. This is truly your calling in life🙏

Sometimes they start humming happily to themselves when you are crying

I did infact break down a couple of times infront of my narcissist mother in law narrating her abuse to someone and to my horror I saw a smile on her face as if she was pleased with herself! These people are MONSTERS! I have since then become absolutely FEARLESS! Infact they fear me now! 😂

"Every single time there is an argument they'll keep going on and on and on, even when you just don't want to argue, until you start crying." This describes every single argument we ever had. Even when I'd beg for us not to argue or ask to wait until we've calmed down. He would continue to instigate until I reacted. Then belittle me and gaslight me until I'd start sobbing and go silent. Then he would harass me even more for shutting down and make me feel like I was the problem for not communicating. He never cared when I cried, he would look at me with disgust or a straight face every single time. Never moving, just watching me cry like I was some kind zoo animal. He has told me on occasion that I was overreacting or it wasn't that serious and that I was too emotional. He never seemed to care when he would make his daughter cry either. I would always have to tell him to go apologize to her and was always so shocked at how unbothered he was by her tears. Truly sickening and I can't believe how long I was blind to it.

Whenever I cried, narcissist person belittled me, treated me worthless, never pitied, never showed empathy and I was so shocked to see such a reaction. When somebody cries, I show empathy and I am nice. This person was smiling and kind of making fun of me instead of worrying with me or soothing me.

My father mocked my crying after he'd beat me. Called Me names and yelled how horrible I was and how lucky I was to have such a hard working dad or a dad around at all.

My ex narc would say stop crying for attention

During the first six months of being married to a narcissist, he hurt me really badly one night and I cried deeply. (I wasn’t a crier or a whiner.) He told me I needed to get tough skin and said I was just trying to manipulate him, when I said I loved him. When I started crying, he immediately went in the next room, closed the door and went to sleep. I never cried again in front of him. He was like Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde. He could be so charming, friendly, warm and polite around other people, then turn to stone most of the time that we were alone.

They laughed at me hysterically

He gets so irritated and tells me “you don’t have to cry.” I’ve never cried and sobbed so much than in the last two years in this relationship with a narc. They will stomp on your heart and break your mind. He acts in all of these ways explained in the video. I always thought I was so strong until I got in a narc relationship.

They were angry & accusing, harsh & dismissive when i cried.....

As a small child my narcissistic mother told me to "behave myself " when I cried. I have learned to stuff my sadness and as a result I find it hard to cry even in my sixties.

Have experienced every one of these behaviors by one person over the course of 43 years. I am broken. But, thanks to your videos, and the folks commenting on them, I’m slowly healing and learning that, while I have to stay for many reasons, I don’t have to participate in their sick games anymore. Slowly, so slowly, getting little pieces of myself back. Thank you.

I felt so alone as they walked away and left me there crying. I could not believe how cold and uncaring they can be. I was so hurt and it meant nothing to them

All I can say is… at this point I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

They did nothing to comfort me , they just screamed at me and broke me and told me to “ go on and cry” Only emotion was anger and temper at me 🚩 They were like a robot

They got angry and started to tell me how much they had to go through and how strong they are in comparison to my weakness. It was very annoying because what I was going through had nothing to do with them. They are complete self-absorbed jerks and shouldn’t be payed attention to

It’s true narc one let me cry on the couch all night. Narc 2 just walked out of the room. No empathy…just evil.

It's very difficult not to cry in front of them after years of abuse, you say exactly how they behave. It is just a toxic relationship. 😢

WOW. You nailed it! I once cried so much after one of his emotional attacks on me. As he was sitting on the sofa, reading the New York Times he said "Are you having one of your psychotic episodes?"

A narcissist will always say, “ Quit being a baby!” Dead giveaway!

When I cried, I was told "Oh, don't give me that sh*t!" Made to feel like I was trying to get one up on them. "Don't start that crying crap." was another thing said to me.

Nobody in our home was allowed to have an emotion except my mother (the ultimate covert.) if we were to cry? Shut or I’ll give you something to cry about or if feeling generous she would send us to our room. Go be emotional behind closed door where nobody has to look at you. Wow! Even writing this brings sadness and pain.

he grinned into my face as if nothing ever happened , blank face. he was happy to leave, out into "sanity", leaving my shattered self like a piece of crap.

He smiled when he thought I wasn't looking. Dried the spit in my mouth. I had a flashback. I had seen this stuff before. I did my research and found covert narc. Not only did T go into gray rock immediately but having recognized that smile from my childhood...that's how I found out mommie dearest fit a great number of the covert narc attributes. At age 62.Two for the price of one. Just cant make this stuff up..

My guy was emotionally flat. Didn’t connect or care. He waited until I was ready to begin showering him with adulation again. Tragically, I stayed with that for 12 years.

When he heard me crying, he came and stood beside me just to watch me crying (15-30 min.) At some point I tried to do it completely silent, so that I don't have to face the consequences. When I got vulnerable and sad (after the death of my grandfather), it was like he had the best and longest sleep of his life (mostly till 3 pm). And after I cried of exhaustion (I had to do all the housework and worked more hours than he did) or frustration/confusion (because of the gaslighting, breadcrumbing, passive aggressiveness) he avoided me, looked at me with disgust and explained his behavior by telling me that he just couldn't handle the emotions I had.

This is an incredible truth. And very shameful (on the narcissist part). I have become very emotional in the presents of my own family member and they start with "why are you crying" then I'm completely ignored. I'm 56 years old and I will not be treated this way anymore. I take full responsibility. It's my fault I've allowed myself to be dismissed, but no more. As much as I love this person, and I do so much, I need to love me more.

Well said Danish , they are totally cold. I have been living with a narcissist for 19 years. He has no emotions. even though he never put a hand of empathy on his 17 year old daughter when she cries in front of him.

On every such occasion, he would silently rage and give me an extended narcissistic stare that seemed to say, "how dare you, you worthless object". Rarely, he would mouth, "don't cry" but it was evidently just lip service - never meant, felt or wished for. Thanks Danish.

If you are reduced to crying, they feel pleased because they have won. Yes, that's it. My husband would laugh at me when I started crying, and make blubbing noises to mock me. But he's be pleased, me crying meant I'd go away and stop bothering about whatever I was trying to tell him, and that was a win for him.

They utterly ignored me like I wasn't even in the room with them....like I was a nusance taking up their time. They continued to stare into their computer screen completely indifferent to my pain. Talk about a wake up call. After all the duplicity and double standards, and callous neglect, all the gas lighting and extreme stone walling....I clued in that it wasn't all in my head and that this person had everyone fooled including themselves. Their true nature, selfish, cold and callus.

I have photos of myself crying, one I was very young on the bed. The non-mom I see now is dead inside and possibly a narc. What parent watches their child cry and goes to get her camera and takes a photo? As a child there were no cellphones so she got her camera then went to get the film & pictures developed. She would say see how ugly you look showing me the photos of me crying. As an adult going through relationship issues I found myself trying once again to get emotional support from this emotionally dead parent. When I would cry she would leave the room and I saw she did not know what to do or she was off being happy where I could not see. I also cried in my car and she was there and had a look of disgust. She told me later that she had to put up with my emotional outbursts and she doesn't know why I am the way I am. That I should get my life together. My whole life I have been putting in effort to make our relationship better, I see I am the only one trying so I have now stopped. No contact is the only way I can insure no more emotional abuse.

When I listen to you it is like you are speaking about my mother! She completely broke me down emotionally once (and this was when I was in my 30's) and i started crying, really trying to plea with her to be less cruel. She just laughed and said to me to stop faking! I almost died!! 😳 she actually said i can't trick her!! I haven't spoken to my mother since 2019. It took me years to realize that the only way to get control was to ignore her... complete silence!! And i am at peace. No drama in my life.

I have PTSD from an abusive childhood. When I cry bc of the hateful things my husband says I get told I'm overreacting, dramatic, and that its my mental health issues that are the problem. Also, being ignored is a common punishment I get because I have repeatedly voiced my opinion that ignoring someone you've hurt is a blatant show of not caring, and that its extremely hurtful to me. Basically I made the mistake of telling him what hurt me the most and what abusive behaviors I was subjected to in childhood. These things are used against me almost daily and have been for ten years. I'm proud to say I have NEVER stood silent when subjected to this abuse over the last decade! Not that standing up to a narcissist does any good, but NO ONE should EVER accept that kind of treatment or think its normal. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.

He looked supprised...and chocked! As if it was the first time he saw someone cry! And he run away...and left me in tears.

After repetitive years of Narcissistic abuse, I confronted my Narc parents about the horrible things they did during my childhood and their utter ignorance of it, despite knowing about it. Not providing me with financial /moral support during my entire academic studies, my sexual abuse from outsiders, sheer apathy to any achievement of mine, which didn't make them look good in the eyes on others etc. During the confrontation, I was weeping profusely, but both my parents were just laughing straight away at me and joined together to bully me. I was so disgusted by their reaction that I left the room altogether, to relieve my pain in seclusion.

43 years of this....too weak now to escape

They will even attack their own little kids for crying. Right after having caused that crying

Basically the drive you (almost) insane, tore you to pieces int the name of "love" and "trust" and then, the lowest point in your entire life you inevitably came to a conclusion that you doesn't matter anything and you're lef for dead.

Experienced all of that feeling, felt belittle, hatred, scolded, low self confidence etc.. he is sooo cold-hearted!!

The first time I cried in front of my ex was after a heated argument and I saw a smirk on her face. I was shocked.

Every word rings true. I felt like I was married to a robot, a brick wall, nothing moved him to show me any empathy or compassion, least of all, or especially my tears. Once he said a particularly cruel thing to me while we were at a friend's house, I burst into tears in front of everyone, he ignored me and went out to dinner with his friend, joking and laughing with her. When he came back, he said nothing, drove us home without saying a word to me and next day acted as if nothing had happened.

I've cried in front of my mom a million times and she acts like she cares but she doesn't give a shit! I've been trying to figure out why my mom is the way she is and I've watched some of your videos and now it FINALLY makes sense, she's a narcissist! My sister just told me our mom is one and I wasn't sure but now I see it. What a relief it is to know I'm not crazy!

She laughed and told me to stop as she said she hated my tears.

Their reaction was "I never did anything to you and I don't know what you're crying about". Yes, they abuse you, this has even happened to me in a hospital setting! They are so inconsiderate and inhumane and you are right they have no empathy. They are rotten creatures.

I remember the first time the narcissist made me cry. It was the night before our first Thanksgiving and we had gone out with my sister and her fiancé and we're having such a nice time, and then out of nowhere he gives me my very first silent treatment. At first, I thought he was kidding because I had no clue what I was dealing with, and I didn't even realize what had transpired. When we got outside, all hell broke loose, and I remember having to drive us home and sobbing the entire car ride home, asking him what I had done. He never answered me and just stared blankly out the window as he could have cared less about my tears. I dropped him off at his house and a week later he acted like nothing happened and that we needed to get together and talk and then he proceeded to tell me I was "too sensitive" and that most of the time he's just kidding. It took me a little while longer before I stumbled upon the word "narcissist", and was able to put together all his strange/odd behaviors. Thank God for the internet, KZfaq, and channels like this.

All of what you said is TRUTH! ALL OF IT!

I learned to cry somewhere he couldn't see me because it would just make everything worse.

Yes yes yes and yes!!!

You asked about their reaction when we cry: my sperm donor was becoming hot and bothered. He was accusing me of "escalating" the problem (but of course I did not do anything bad so what is your problem? There is no reason to cry! You are making something out of nothing!). He was also accusing me of being crazy and like my "mother" (whom he also destroyed with his abuse). He was outraged that I was not controling my emotions and that was really funny because I grew up in a household and in a whole "familiy" system were no one was talking about their emotions. "Family" system filled with anger, resentment, hatered. No one was talking to me how to manage my emotions when I was a kid and suddenly, beeing a sensitive young adult I was supposed to KNOW these things. But that was typical for my "parents". No one was teaching me any life skills, I was just supposed to know them. Today I am under the impression that he knew that crying means that the person crying feels hurt so by disregarding my hurt he was trying to deny his responsibility that he caused it. Typical blameshifting.

That really explains the look of disgust thank you so much. And the blank look

When I was 12 I stopped crying in front of my mother. She then started slapping me… 12 times in a row while screaming at the top of her lungs, “WHY CAN’T I MAKE YOU CRY ANYMORE!!!” I released right then that she couldn’t control that. She was so mad, but I haven’t let her see me cry when she caused it since. She did see me cry a few times when others caused it, but not her. I didn’t give her that power anymore. Also my mother LOVED to slap me and I always counted them. It was always in 3s & never more than 12. I don’t know if her hand started hurting at 12 or what… I haven’t seen her or talked to her in 13 yrs. I was the scapegoat, my brother is her golden child. And seriously, I don’t miss her. I miss the potential she had as a mom, but I do not miss her at all. I refuse to be the victim here though. I’m a survivor, not the victim. I’m strong & I left her. It was hard. She sent her flying monkeys in with force. She stalked me. She did everything, but I won because I didn’t cave & now no one but my brother talks to her & everyone sees her for who she is

When I was a kid, I'd have to wear sunglasses to hide my tears. If my dad saw me crying, I'd get in more trouble.

His reaction was a laughter and loud music with a sense of achievement

This is spot on! After my ex-narc betrayed me for new supply, he was colder than ice. He'd rage sometimes and bring me to tears. I'm strong, but tears still rolled down my face and he showed NO emotion except anger. I saw him after 2 yrs passed and tried to have a peaceful convo. He was a jerk and said, "I have a new gf and don't need to have this convo. I don't want some big cry fest!" I rolled my eyes and said, "I'm way past that." He was speechless for a moment, then continued to be mean and walked away. I'll admit, I cried in my car afterwards, but at least I never gave him the satisfaction of seeing it.

This is so so true every word!

he acted like a robot. i knew there was no mercy. it felt like he had stabbed me, i didn´t know how to survive, i also knew i was alone, no answer to be expected.

I recall crying in front of my sister over her evil ways and she stands there arms crossed, head tilted looking at me, biting the inside of her cheek. She always does this gesture and her eyes glazed over, no emotion just watching me in emotional anguish and pain. Another time i got off the phone with my narc mother and she had put guilt trip on me, gaslighting me and calling me the devil because i didn't want to live with her and my narcissist dad and because i wanted a life of my own. I got off the phone and told my narc boyfriend what she said and i began crying and he stopped me telling to shhh, and i could not hold back and he kept silencing me not allowing me to sob because it was inconvenient to him. So I now see at that time, how unaware I was that toxicity was all around me and was attractimg the same filth over and over. I'm healing now and that's all behind me forever! God opened my eyes.

I felt he enjoyed that he is capable of making me cry. Not only that, the more I care the more he took advantage of me😂

Everything that I experienced in my marriage. I had the idea he is narcissistic and now you proved that in your videos. Thank you very much!

She just sat there, expressionless and for once, not yelling.

This one I know particularly well. My mother, father and brother all reacted like that very often, having provoked my crying. Each of them had their own style but my mother was the worst. I had cried so many times as a child and teen because of them and always promised myself that I will never ever cry again, that this was the last time and they will never break me again. Now it is no contact.

They were disgusted when I cried. They were cruel. They expressed their suspicion of me trying to manipulate them. When their friends were near they ignored me and told them how much they despised my expression. It seemed they had made me want to cry on purpose to make this display. I don't believe I cried, or anything, again after that, near anyone. I was told I deserve to be healthy and happy a few years back. Thank you Carol Kindt!

When she was in her NPD rage, either yelling at me while belittling me or beating/biting me or doing both option 1 and 2 and I croed... not a fkn thing happened for the better. It either didn't impact that situation or made it worse for me. Saying I was fake crying, wasn't a man, amd a time or 2 you could see her eyes light up as if that were the goal

My ex used to scream harder at me if I cried. I learned quickly to only cry in my room. Please leave as soon as you can. I wasted 19 years of my life.

My most recent one laughed at me, then rolled her eyes and said my name loudly in exasperation. After seeing this behavior for a lifetime, I recognized her response & I exited the relationship Immediately!!

Out of our 7 year relationship, i cried once in front of him. Once i saw his reaction i vowed to never let him see me cry. When my step dad passed away i cried when i was alone and held back in front of him. Me not crying at all in front of him freaked him out, he kept asking why aren't i crying. I told him i did already, it's like he was obsessed with trying to make me cry. Once i realized he was a narcissist I turned my emotions off in that relationship to the point that he told me i was too nonchalant, it freaked him out that he couldn't manipulate me and everything he tried on me I did right back to him. He was such a hypocrite, but he met the right one!!!

Yes, Danish, and thanks for all you do. I've referred others to you.