My therapist helped me to realize that even though I've only been with women that now I see men as a possibility and that I suddenly liked the idea of having a male partner, that those feelings of being with a man were always there deep inside of me and that I just didn't realize it. HRT doesn't change your sexuality, meaning that it won't all of the sudden change who you are attracted too. She told me that if this was part of me that I shouldn't beafraid just see where this would take me. She reminded me that liking men is completely normal for a woman. She told me that she loves spending time with her husband and that I might enjoy spending time with a man that treats me well. She told me that I should really think about what I wanted, that if I didn't want to be with men, that was OK. I had to figure those things out for myself. I still love being with women, but there is just something about having a big strong man take care of you. I'm seeing a guy that treats me like any other woman, he takes me to dinner, he's bought me pretty things, we've went on trips together, I met his friends. They all know what I am and they are very cool with it. He's even hinted about getting married. As much as I love the idea of being a bride, I'm just not sure I'm ready to settle down. It's only been three years, I'm just starting to find out who I am. I'm so sorry, I went off on a tangent. I'm so so sorry.

This is incredibly relevant to me. I always had a curiosity in sex with men, but I never acted upon it because I wasn't attracted to men. Since starting HRT and transitioning I had become more and more comfortable with the idea and willing to experiment. Last month, I actually did have sex with a man for the first time in my life. I enjoyed it very much and it felt more natural than having sex with a woman. I have had sex with more than 10 women throughout my life, but having sex with a woman always left me emotionally unsatisfied and feeling that something was off. Penetrative sex with a woman also made me feel very anxious and uncomfortable. Now, I think it was because I was forced to play the wrong role in the bedroom and it made me dysphoric. I'm simply naturally a bottom, not a top. I'm still attracted to women, but I do feel how my preference is sliding across the scale and I now identify as bisexual. If you ask me to picture myself 10 years into the future, I picture myself being in serious romantic relationship with a man not a woman.

This is a wonderful topic, thanks so much for exploring it! I identified as mostly straight before starting to transition but as soon as I went into transition I was astounded by how quickly I became attracted to men. For me, one reason I think it didn't surface before was because I was supposed to the living and behaving as a man, which means competing with other men or proving yourself equal to other men in some masculine way. When I started transitioning suddenly men were responding to that and holding doors for me and little things like that. I didn't feel like I had to prove anything, and I began to see men as being gentle and protective. I find guys who are really friendly and gentle but who seem like they'd stand up for me no matter what so hot! Guys who are great at being dads really turn me on as well. I'm so into that mix of kind and capable, and now I want men like that to hold me and to want to be with me. It's been such an amazing emotional roller coaster 😄. I'm so glad this happened and I don't have to live anymore in that world where loving men is vilified, and wanted to be held and cared for is seen as weakness.

I'm older, retired , out full time MtF for a year and married to a woman for over 20 years in my second marriage. My first wife died when I was 35. I've only ever had 2 sexual partners. I feel I've only ever been visually attracted to women and still feel that way today. Initially and throughout most of my life it has primarily been the fantasy of being the female in the act of sex that has helped me orgasm. This later in my 30's included fantasizing of being the female in the sexual act with a man but I've never found myself attracted to men, visually or otherwise. I started HRT some time ago and decided if my sexual orientation changes due to HRT I'm just going to roll with it rather than try to explain it or change it. What kind of bothers me, and this may have been before starting HRT, is waking up to a romantic dream about a particular actor. There was nothing sexual about the dream, just purely a romantic interaction. I woke up feeling content and happy. I decided "Well that happened. There's no denying that. Just enjoy the dream for what it was." This was the first time I can recall having such a dream. The feeling felt kind of like a crush. Thinking about it more I searched my past for other males I may of had similar feelings about and came up with a half dozen or so. As a trans woman I know I would truly revel in being treated romantically by a man. I think this is primarily due to the validation of my womanhood. I do understand sexualilty as a spectrum similar to my view of gender. This understanding of sexuality came later in my life. What I feel I have to reconcile for myself is why men would interest me in those interactive roles but that I still do not find myself particularly attracted to men. One thought is maybe other women, particularly cis women, feel the same way about men but in the discussions I've had with some of them this doesn't appear to be true. Is there any evidence of cis women who feel this way? I understand sexual attraction is very personal and may or may not change over time. I find it fascinating that some trans women have only ever been attracted to men, may have initially identified themselves at first as gay men, and later understood themselves as being trans women. It seems most of those folks transition earlier in life, than those of us who are attracted to women and understand themselves as transgender women who appear to transition later, such as myself. Is that your general experience in working with Transgender folks? I humorously tell myself this is probably due to folks like me having to figure out more incongruencies with social norms and it takes longer than those whose sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender presentation all come into alignment with social norms with transition. What do you think? Thank you for all you do! Christie

You nail it! Since living full time about 7 months in I noticed men a lot more and enjoying men flirting at stores and restaurants. What blew the lid off me was when a substitute teacher came to our building he was handsome tall and mature and I actual felt attracted to him my co-workers/ teachers laughed at me because my behavior around him acting nervous butterflies in my stomach. I even when into the restroom to check myself and even did the half turn to make sure my profile was looking right. I spent days trying to unpack what happen because before that I didn't feel any attraction to anyone sure the flirting was nice but I never wanted to be with those guys. I'm now evening having dreams of intimacy with men. I couldn't put my finger on it but what you posted this video things make a lot of sense. I been suppressing my sexually because I wasn't sure of what I was attracted to or if I had any attraction at all. But as I grow comfortable being me and being in spaces where it's mostly women I find my self enjoying being in the culture of sisterhood and expressing attraction to certain types men. Knowing I'm schedule for bottom surgery June 2024 I'm actually looking forward to having sex with men. Love this topic! helps me out a lot in decoding things. ❤💯

I feel like relationship with man can help us feel more feminine because of contract of our physical traits/apperance.

I can relate to this, it was a gradual shift but the more I started taking on a feminine role my sexual orientation seemed to shift more towards bisexual, but emotionally I can only seem to connect with women. I still don’t normally feel attracted to men (with the rare exception) but have come to the conclusion that somehow, confusingly, there is a distinction between sexual attraction and sexual desire. I’m sure I’ll get comfortable with the idea eventually, for now it’s still just very confusing.

I feel like I suddenly understand myself better! THANK YOU, Dr Z!!!

This could explain why before I could only think on dating cis women and now Im open to all genders as long as they strike me as feminine, regardless body type. So even feminine boys could be atractive, sometimes even more than regular cisgirls. Its quite amazing how complex things could be, but when you think about it, quite simple to understand if you just think outside of boxed black or white terms. Love the video ^^

Absolutely brilliant as always Dr Z! It's a confusing stage in transition especially when there is a partner involved. I'm in my early stages of transition. I find myself obsessed with cis women. I want what they have and it feels like an attraction but I feel skewed in many ways. I know this is a process of exploration but if there are other people involved it will invariably hurt them in this process. I suppose this is about me getting well again and I need to think about my own well being.

I align with the group you are talking about; thank you so much Dr. Z for you bringing this out. I am pansexual panromantic (she/they), but my preference of men compared with women is different by activity. Regarding the second point discussed, it was a revelating experience for me to distinguish the sexual orientation and the romantic orientation. This made me realize it is natural and ok to prefer to have romantic thoughts with women, and sexual thoughts with men. This distinction was developed in the asexual community, where it is the most relevant among them.

The timing of this video had impeccable for me! I was talking with my girlfriend of 4 years about this exact topic earlier tonight! I find that I have a strong strong preference towards women and femme presenting people, And I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm attracted to femininity! However, I still find myself almost craving that stereotypical sexual dynamic you mentioned now that I'm coming to terms with my identity, however I don't think I find "men" attractive the same way I find "women" attractive. Just wondering how common it is to have a really strong preference. I am in love with your videos and yourself!

I needed this, experiencing this too. Thank you

This is really really helpful, I never had an attracted to men but I am starting (4 months on E) to get feeling for some males, normally that show kindness and a caring nature.

the channel we need.

In my case I had to explore because I realized that I can create an emotional relationship with women but not with men and that I preferred sex with men, but the confusion also came because dysphoria didn't let me enjoy sex. I didn't want to be seen as a man but as a woman, so I think exploration (if it's possible and it doesn't hurt anyone) is important to clarify our ideas and to understand who we are.

I love your videos! They have given me the confidence to be the woman I am! Thank you so much.

Thank you for addressing this seeming contradiction Dr. Z.

Thank you. This one requires thought before comment.

I changed in my life from a heterosexual relationship to a woman, being labeled a man to a heterosexual relationship to a man, being labeled a woman, to a homosexual relationship to a woman, whom I will marry this year. What changed? Well in the end I can say. Heterosexuality was only a phase. 🎉

Thank you for this video and to whomever asked you this question. Something similar has been on my own mind for a very long time and the timing is impeccable. I'm a amab trans demi woman who's long recognized that I'm bisexual, as in I'm attracted to people of all sorts of gender regardless of gender, but I never really acted on it. Thought for a long time that I might even be what is called asexual these days. While suspecting that I could as easily end up with a man as a woman (the term non binary didn't exist at the time and I'm the only person in my intimate moments who attaches any non binary characteristics to themselves), though no small part of me feared that truth, I ended up in a long-term relationship with a woman. When my ex and I separated I dabbled a bit in exploring my attraction to maleness and other forms of gender expression, but had a lot of false starts and I often try to understand why that was so. I was clearly attracted to these people but I couldn't bring myself to act. But once I started to transition I found that I wasn't as inhibited in my bisexuality, that I would be intimate as easily with a man, or other people of other genders, as I would with a woman. If it weren't for the pandemic I probably would have been more sexually active this whole time than I am even now. But this has also been something that I think about, why did transitioning free up my inhibitions when I knew I always felt this way? Perhaps it's as you say, I'm becoming more authentic as myself which includes my sexuality in addition to my gender. I don't want to pretend to be attracted to "people of the right gender" I just want to be with people I'm attracted to.

Thank you for this, your analysis is spot on as usual! I'm currently struggling with a full blown attraction (intimacy + sex) to cis men, while being in a relationship with a non-binary afab person. We have had many difficult conversations about it, and are technically 'open', but I still find myself sneaking and hiding in a way that has alarming parallels to how I hid my gender for so many years. The parallels of repressing some core part of myself make me afraid for the future of our relationship, which on the whole has been a deeply fulfilling and important one, in which I've always had the 'feminine' role and them the 'masculine' one. For me it feels less like a 'changed' sexuality than an uncovering of what's always been there. I've had romantic experiences with cis men over a number of years, so it's not unknown territory, and I've come to accept that the desire is not going away. I suppose it's a question now of whether I can manage it part time, fulfilling the desire here and there, or if I need to drastically rethink the shape of my life, again 😩 Love your channel, such a valuable resource ❤️

Thanks so much for this Dr Z! It really resonates with me. Before coming out as a trans woman, my experiences with men were as a closeted bisexual man, but it feel quite right. After coming out as trans and having experiences with straight men, it feels more natural, affirming and validating. I like the metaphor of blooming, it is something I keep close to my heart.

Thank you for this video, it opened my mind a little. Idk what I am since I've presented more female. Before I identified as gay, but idk lately. Dating is so complex now.

I have that happening to me. Kinda of confusing though why I only want relationships with women.. maybe past experiences. Thank you this helps a lot. Thank you so much it really does help

I'm Bi and Trans and though they aren't directly related, I was in the closet on both. Once I began to admit both, everything started to make sense.

I’ve never had dreams or fantasies about having sex with men, but I was bicurious at the very least during my adolescence. I’ve had a number of crushes on men during my adult life. For a number of years, I did believe that I was merely subconsciously seeking validation, but after a year on Estrogen, I’ve have found the freedom to open up and explore my mind without fear of judgement. I have recently come to the conclusion that, although I strongly prefer women at the moment, I might actually be bisexual or biromantic. I still have doubts every now and then, of course, but I think it’s more important to trust my instincts and live in the moment. If I happen to find a man attractive, I will say Grace and enjoy the eye candy. 😂

I have been on hrt for a little over 18 months now. This isn't something that popped up right away for me. It has only become noticeable to me in the past 3 months or so. It's so confusing. Thank you for making this video. It gives me some ideas as to why it's happening now and things for me to think about.

Another great video ❤. These internal experiences can seem nonsensical 😂

Again, you are spot on. I am post op trans woman and find myself wanting that sexual relationship with a man while not necessarily being attracted to them. But, for me in particular, they have to check every box I have set up in my head for standards. They have to be a perfect specimen, not only in terms of looks, but also in attributes. And yes, there are still a few left out in the wild. Love your vids.

This makes so much sense to me know I went on my first date with a man it was different because I have only ever dated women and I have children

I've been wondering what it would be like to be with a man intimately but I think that is because I've always been rejected by women just for being a virgin. I'd understand if they were not attracted to trans women witch is fine but just because someone never had an intimate experience is no excuse . I just hope I'll find someone to be with. thank you Dr. Z for your love and support.

This is a REALLY interesting topic. There’s the flip side too, where existential pain and envy is being mistaken for sexual attraction. That, plus all the things you’re talking about, plus various attractions I’ve experienced have left me genuinely unsure about my sexuality…luckily I don’t particularly care one way or the other and have long thought I’m probably at least somewhat bi, but it is weird that I could be genuinely unsure about it! It could just be about validation…I don’t think it 100% is, but then it apparently turns out I’m less attracted to women in that way than I thought I was…it’s hard to work through. I’m not really interested in casual sex and hate feeling used, plus am not interested in one form of sex, PLUS SUPER don’t want stds, plus I hate my body sooooo. Always been hard to find a useable pov in erotica lol And yes, geez, don’t cheat on a partner! I can’t imagine most people being okay with that.

I am a 51 year old trans woman. My wife is my love! Yes, I’ve desired a man, at times, since transitioning but I know it’s only as a sexual validation. A gold star to my girldom perhaps? She is aware. I see beauty in all especially since hormones. It’s been a different set of eyes….

If HRT makes me straight, I'll have to move to a country with better men. Something is wrong with American masculinity.

It's almost as if you can read my mind, Doc. What is strange is that although I was experiencing these urges rather intensely I couldn't articulate my curiosity about it until I saw the video and the words were jumping out at me.

Thank you for making this video. This is such a confusing topic for me. I understand that gender identity and sexual orientation are two distinct and not necessarily related dimensions of human sexuality. I can't recall ever looking at a guy and feeling attracted to him. I even thought I was being dishonest with myself and went to a gay bar just to give myself the experience, but it wasn't at all what I wanted. The only time I think of having sex with men is when I'm exploring my gender identity. Then I do experience a desire to be penetrated, and it feels like that would be a way of fulfilling my desire to be a woman. I also think it would be very fulfilling to be penetrated or 'pegged' by a woman. Can you direct us to sources of scientific literature on the subject? Thank you very much for all your posts. I am deeply grateful.

testosterone sexuality was object oriented, estrogen is action oriented, wants to be verbed, but finds the noun gross.

Honestly, Dr. Z sometimes I feel you live inside my head, Lol! I recently since my transition contemplated engaging with men in sexual encounters. Now I've always found women beautiful and alluring. I find the thought of having an intimate moment with a man being held by him, now if that means being sexual with him, I feel I could if I received the act of being held afterwards. I've always with women been the holder and not being held. I can say I've never been comfortable with my male genital and after being diagnosed with body dysmorphia followed by gender dysphoria I knew why. I've had female sexual partners in the past and I do enjoy sex; however, I always want some type of connection, passion, intimacy with the physical act. There were times I felt the act of sex was a chore often at the request of my partners, sure I enjoyed the physical aspects of sex, but always wanted more. There have been a few relationships ended because I wasn't giving physically which led to a lack of caring. Don't get me wrong it wasn't the pleasure never had complaints and it wasn't about the length of the physical act, no it was the amount. There were times I just couldn't go through the act just to have sex, my partner always seemed to want more than I was willing to give. That is why it's been nine years since my last sexual act. Part of my depression is knowing I might not find someone who wants intimacy over sex. I know it sounds dumb, but I'd rather be alone than with someone without a connection besides sex. And it's crossed my mind maybe there is a man out there that just wants a relationship without the pressure of sex. I really don't know I feel I'm odd because as a biological male I can differentiate between physical and emotional connections. Thank you Dr. Z for letting me clear my mind in the comments. 💞

This is very relatable and helpful. Prior to this I had been experiencing these feelings of attraction towards men for months and no idea how to explain it, or why so I ignored it/suppressed it, I think I told one of my sorority sisters once but that was the extent of my acknowledgement. I decided to watch this video on a whim since I had over the Spring term at my college done a research project on transgender self help and self care (for an Anthropology class), and your videos are directly relevant to that project, and I knew this would explain it. And like after having sat with it for so long, as well as having purchased a dildo from Adam & Eve in order to see how I feel about sex with men, and what it's like (and I loved it, have had a very great expereience so far)!, and I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm bisexual, or possibly a straight trans woman idk but I just really like the idea of having a boyfriend, or of having sex with men and could really see myself marrying a man, and I feel like a lot of why I thought I liked women especiallye early on was in order to fit in to cis male society when I was a lot younger. And now I'm just at the point where I'm like G-d just bring me a boyfriend.

I nnever had that feeling. I always seem to have that want to be snugged though.

I know another Trans girl who does just that has sex with men, but is completely attracted to women. So I can see this resonating 100%.❤

I never transitioned, for many reasons, but I definitely internally identify as a woman. As that has grown stronger over the years, I too desire man as well, however, remain very much attracted more to woman. So, I can relate. Though even as a young kid first discovering sexuality, I used to have fantasies about women, but the roles would suddenly switch in the middle of it. Used to scare me terribly. My guess is sexuality is more fluid than many believe.

It's the chromosome X who plays the major rule in the women's bodies even after HRT.

I always felt like a gay man (although I was born a girl ). But I lived my life as a lesbian because I can't be in a relationship with a straight man. I just can't.

really interesting video. i can't figure out if i'm type 1 or 2 and i have a gf and it's really confusing.

Can this have something to do with looking for external validation?

When I first accepted that I was trans and before I took any concrete steps, I had an almost overwhelming desire for a man to make love to me. This was a surprise. I had always considered myself a straight heterosexual male with no interest in sex with a man. Now that I have fully evolved, this desire has become more intense. I still like women, but the prospect of intimacy with a real man is one of my deepest fantasies. Being postop, using a strap on or another toy with a woman seems somehow inadequate. I want the real thing. I am demisexual, but allosexual. I like sex a lot. I am also a panromantic, so I would consider a relationship with any kind of person, no matter how they were equipped, or what their gender might be. Being demisexual, I would never have sex with a man I was not attracted to. I need someone that I like and who likes and respects me. I am not a hookup kind of girl. There needs to be an emotional or spiritual connection to make the encounter satisfying. I don’t want to be objectified. If it is a shared experience, that is where the fireworks lie. At heart, I am a hopeless romantic. I love soft music and flowers and just the right environment perhaps with candles and incense. Setting the mood is important to me. If a guy likes the same things and just being with me and talking as we make love, my heart melts. Good sex is more than just the physical. It is the way that people connect both before and after and the satisfaction they find in each other’s minds and bodies. I like guys because we just naturally fit so well together physically. I could have a deep relationship with a woman and enjoy her body as she enjoys mine, but something would be missing. Out of the bedroom, I generally prefer to spend time with other women rather than men. We have more in common. But in the bedroom…

HRT has led to me feeling potential romantic attraction to women, but more sexual attraction to men, I struggle with the idea of intimacy with a woman, even though I might be drawn to the idea of close companionship with her, then maybe, who knows? I could see myself (post op) things moving much more quickly and casually with a man, with less emotional connection, it's like my orientation is now split.

Dr. Z, I recently came a across a study, don't ask me which one but it basically said that in general transwomen who transition at a younger age tend to desire and seek out relationships with men once they complete their transition and transwomen who transition at an older age 40+ tend to identify once transitioned as lesbian and only want relationships with women. I know it is not that cut and dry but is there any validity to this conclusion?

As someone who gravitated to a traditionally feminine role in sex from my earliest longings, yet had no romantic attraction to men, this topic is near and dear to my heart. Thanks so much for discussing it! One piece I would add, especially for those in monogamous relationships and/or those who don't feel romantically attracted to men, is the possibility of exploring "bottoming" with women. In this regard, I've found the work of sex therapists like Joe Kort who study (non-gay) men having sex with men very informative. Like trans women, lots of cis men have an erotic attraction to bottoming, and sex therapists are finding that many women who give it a chance find they can really enjoy topping. Anyway, just a thought. I think the key is just to stay curious and never stop learning and exploring.

Interesting point, being sexually attracted one gender or both is different from being emotionally connected to one gender over the other. Can you explain it on how a trans can decipher between the two?

This is something I continue to be confused about, but here's one interesting thing I noticed: As my gender identity changed from man to transfeminine, I started to feel uncomfortable when men treated me as a "bro." My straight male friends would get uncomfortable as soon as I started to act "soft" around them--as if they were afraid I was going to "make it gay." I never wanted to have sex with my man friends, I just liked having soft, intimate relationships with people. Unfortunately, between two people identifying as men, this is often seen as strange. So I realize, one of the things I crave is simply being treated as a woman by men. In fact, growing up as a boy/man, this sort of "homophobia" made me afraid to be myself around men. The jury is still out on my sexuality, but I expect if I find a nice, sensitive man willing to get on my level...I'm not going to complain!

Dr. Z I have a question. What if someone has a very low self esteem and weak sense of self. And they seem to think lowly of themselves. Can that eventually lead to gender dysphoria?

Quick question for a trans woman.....I was having a conversation with my cousin the other day and he supports a trans woman in terms of using her pronouns or her/she/them, etc. However, he doesn't think a trans woman should be able to use the female locker room, nor does he think a trans woman should be able to participate in woman's sports. He also wouldn't date a trans woman because of the male genetallia issue. So the question is, would he still be considered respectful of trans woman simply because he will use their pronouns? Or is it kind of hypocritical to support a trans woman with pronouns but not all the other things? I said you either support trans woman across the board or you don't. But he thinks he's still totally respectful towards trans woman. I appreciate any responses and insights. I do have a client who is a trans woman but I don't want to ask her because with business it's a delicate situation and I don't want to take the chance she'll be offended. Thank you!

Vat het niet persoonlijk op, want ik ben een van je volgers.

its all part of acting out the part .. the attraction is not the man as such but the idea that being with a man is what makes you more of a woman. Guys often get aroused by being the very thing they desire ..so not only are they getting the woman, they are becoming it too, and to be with a man is the epicenter of all of that. That is why many trans women are still attracted to females and that is also why many are only attracted to males when presenting as female. Its all very simple, this is not rocket science.

Blachardian typology is right, agp is real. I identify as an agp. Others on the askagp subreddit id as agp as well. You can't erase it.

❤

I thought I was in love with a man shortly after starting my transition. I even flew across the country to meet him. It didn't work out... But I felt great being with him, even though I wasn't excited by his body like I am with women. Now I am wondering if it was because that let me fill the "girlfriend" role. Or if I am actually bisexual to some extent. Hard to sort out honestly.

So what you're saying is it could be CompHet?

Dr Z -- You've hit the nail on the head. A trans woman, whilst still emotionally attached to cis women, might wish to validate her femininity by having penetrative sex with a man who she is not in love with. But the notion of living with a man is definitely a no, no. Perhaps a relationship with the man might develop over time. But for the moment, the trans woman prefers female company and being around cis women.

I'm a trans woman attracted to women. Should I say I'm lesbian or straight?

I'm off my beaten path. This isn't for me as cis male ( and I hate the term cis) but I have to admit this was interesting. I'm not bud lite boycotter. But I think I have something of interest to relate it to. As a hetero male I'm not attracted to men but I'm attract to the male reproductive organs. (I didn't know how else to say that without youtube losing it).

I don't identify as transgender but I have what ray blanchard refers to as "pseudo bisexuality." I experience sexual arousal at the idea of being a woman, so when I concoct scenarios in my head involving a man, I do so because in my mind there is nothing more quintessentially feminine than being a woman in a traditional heterosexual relationship. Imagining a straight man being attracted to me *because* I am a woman and feminine helps to heightens my fantasy. It's important to note though that the men in these fantasies for me are never the object of my desire. I dont care what they look like, and in fact I don't even really imagine them, they are more like a conceptual cloud. It kinda sucks to have this because in "real life" I simply am not attracted to men at all. So yeah, this is the best way I can make sense of it. I know a lot of trans people experience something similar so obviously that makes me worried some times I am trans, but eh I still don't really think so. I think I have AGP which ray blanchards description perfectly describes as my own experience.

That happened with me. I am more connected to women on an emotional level. I want to have a relationship with a woman, but I find men sexually more desirable. I was in a conservative religion, before my transitioning, when I noticed that my interest with women strarted to wane. That was a problem when I was married. So, my partner thought I was having a secret affair. I was not.

I had a similar yet opposite experience, in that I only started finding myself sexually attracted to women once I had come out as a trans woman. I first came out as gay when I was was 13 (8 years before I would come out as a trans woman). I _was_ sexually attracted to men, but even at the time I knew that my coming out had less to do with my attraction towards men and more to do with wanting to feel more included among my friends, most of whom were girls. At the time, I didn't really have the vocabulary/knowledge to describe myself as trans or treat the gender dysphoria that I had already been experiencing for a decade at that point. I would describe myself to others by saying "I wished I was a girl," but I didn't realize that transitioning was even a thing that existed. So in lieu of trans representation, coming out as gay seemed like a more safe and accessible way to have people see me more as I saw myself. Throughout high school I did find myself being romantically attracted to a few different girls, but I never found myself sexually attracted to any of them. I even explained it to one of them by saying "I _am_ gay, but I still find myself very attracted to you romantically." In retrospect, it's easy for me to see that I did have some kind of sexual attraction to women, but the heteronormative model of sexual attraction to women felt kinda gross, and very detached from the feelings I was having. I even remember saying to a friend that if it I could choose my gender and sexuality I would probably be a lesbian because that just seemed easier than being whatever I was. When I publicly came out as a trans woman at age 21, I finally started finding myself sexually attracted to women and I attribute this to a few different, yet interconnected, factors: 1. For one, I was much more comfortable participating in the types of relationship dynamics that I saw between WLW, as they didn't have the additional implications of male heterosexuality attached to them. 2. I had also always found myself attracted to more "dominant" energies (cliche as it may be, Wonder Woman (2017) was my sexual awakening), and that energy was something I found more often in queer women than I did in cishet women. And now that I was a woman, queer women were more of an option for me. 3. Both before and after coming out, I've tended to find myself attracted to people who remind me of myself in one way or another. I just generally feel more safe to open up around them, and now that I was openly presenting as a woman it was easier to feel that sense of familiarity with other women. 4. Perhaps the biggest factor was that I finally felt like my outward expression of femininity was rooted in more than my attraction to men-- I no longer felt like my femininity was fragile enough to be dismissed by being with a woman, because I had already established myself as a woman through my gender expression. These days, I'm not entirely sure how to describe my attractions. I do describe myself as panromantic, but I often fall for women more quickly. I think this is primarily because women tend to be more emotionally available, which is really important to how I experience romantic intimacy. In terms of sexuality, I still find myself generally more attracted to people who express their sexuality in a more traditionally masculine fashion, but I ultimately feel like gender is pretty low on the list of things that determine whether or not I'm sexually attracted to someone. It's continually bizarre to me how much of my life I've spent being extensively self-aware, yet still entirely clueless, and I say that with nothing but love.

It works in much the same way that a typical male sex drive operates .... A man can quite easily have sex with someone that they are not especially attracted to .... When it comes to hard-wired sexual drive, there's obviously a huge amount of crossover between males and T-fems. Opportunity also comes into play .... Not many women are sexually attracted to T-fems .... there's a much larger pool of gay & bisexual men who will have casual sex with them. When it comes to sexual gratification .... People will gravitate toward those most likely to provide it

A very interesting, complex subject. Dr. Z does it again - a great video. Personally, I think this is one of her best. There is so much content in this video, so my comment is long. I hope people will read it. The three reasons Dr. Z gives about “Why Trans Women Desire to Have Sex with Men While Not Feeling Attracted to Them?” are: 1) Search for validation; 2) Discovery of dormant sexual orientation; 3) Differences in sexual orientation in terms of intimacy and a sexual partner. I think 1 and 2 apply to the question Dr. Z poses. However, I think point 3 is distinct from the other two. It really contains elements of the first two points and stands on its own. I have been in transition for six months and am on HRT. I am delighted with the changes I see. It took many years before I started my transition and during that time there was a short period where I crossed dressed. While I cross dressed I became involved with a nice man (born male) who also was cross dressing. He encouraged me to have sex. At first I resisted since I had been only attracted to women. I think the sexual relationship started with him because I was looking for validation. Nevertheless, I started to realize I really liked the sexual excitement and intimacy I was experiencing. It went beyond validation. My attraction to women then changed. When I stopped cross dressing and tried to live as a man, I continued to date women and be sexually active with them. But, it was not the same and has not been since my relationship with my male friend. This has been my only sexual contact with a man and now that I have started transitioning I am not completely sure how my attraction to men will evolve. I am monogamous and believe I will remain that way. I do see my feelings towards men becoming more intense. For many years, after my experience with my male friend, I fantasized about sex with a man, but only continued to be intimate with women. After a gender crisis and starting my transition, I became uniquely focused on men. I am not attracted to them in the same way I was with women, but my desire to be sexual with a woman is nearly gone. I also find as time goes on I feel more attraction to men in an intimate way. Personally, I attribute this in part to my HRT and changes in how I experience sexual contact. I cannot say my sexual experience as a woman is better than as a man, but for sure it is different. So I do not ramble on, my point is there is so much discovery and learning about who you are once you begin your transition. Even when you are a young cis person you learn how to be in your gender. I even believe some of our sexuality is learned. When you go through transition, you start again to learn how to be in your authentic identity. It takes time. Yes, getting in touch with your authentic self is key, but also, as Dr. Z says, there is a blossoming that happens that you will want to explore. It is scary, especially if you have a partner whom you love. I am in my sixties, so my sexual needs are not as strong as younger people. And, the HRT has decreased my libido, or as Dr. Z points out, my libido has become more typically female such that emotional contact is more important in arousal. The important thing is to let yourself live authentically and not be afraid to allow new feelings and experiences to emerge, including sexuality. Try not to over think it, which unfortunately for me can be a problem. Let it happen clearly and safely. For nearly all trans people, this will lead to a better, happier, and more peaceful life. And remember, everyone’s journey is unique.

I'm a transwoman who also only dates men now. It's mostly because my desire to be with women was living vicariously through her. Also I feel more feminine when interacting with masculinity. That's why I like stereotypically masculinec men who have a palitable dominance in their way. I'm not into the sex part. I'm into being feminine for him and seeing how masculine and dominant my femininity makes him. Women aren't visual as men are so it makes sense

Desiring sex with men is literally the definition of sexual attraction. Maybe, stop fighting your sexual orentation/attraction. Sexual orentation can't and shouldn't be forced, you can't fight it, no matter what or where the motivation to fight it comes from.

When your culturally imposed concept of the gender binary gets swept away, the sexual binary seems even more arbitrary than it. But all the cultural programming is still there. Plus men will have sex with anyone. Its far easier to get sexual (and identity) gratification from them. For mostly the worst... I'm kind of an opposite. I grew up thinking I was gay, because everyone else assumed I was, but was never attracted to men. After being diagnosed gender dysphoric, I've become even less attracted to men because I realized how icky most are from the female perspective. lol

Doc shouldn't we call someone attracted to genders like masculine homoGENDERal instead of men as a secs homoSEXual?

y u gotta call me out like this?

I'm an old fart. I had my prostate stolen 17 yrs ago and have never again had an erection. I'm a lesbian (thanks Dr.Z for clarifying that). All my life I've been sexually and emotionally attracted to women and repulsed by the thought of sex with men and the sight of a penis. But in recent years, I've come to like the sight of erect ones, though I'm still repulsed by the thought of touching one. Obviously, I like seeing what I don't have. Women are beautiful all over, and I'm not. If I had a V, I know I'd want to experience what it could do. And I'd probably like it and develop sexual attraction to penis owners, but I can't imagine my emotional needs and attraction ever reversing polarity.

Met alle respect.

My experience is kind of reverse one (I'm MTF) . Without hormones I would prefer to have sex with man, as a bottom submissive woman. But when I'm on hormones for a while I have strong tendency to have sex with women only, with me as a man. That makes my sex live miserable, because being on hormones I don't sustain erections to have sex with women.

I'm an egg trans woman. I only feel attracted to women and only fall in love with women. But in my sexual fantasies I'm always a woman having sex with men. Is this unusual?

I had been sexually active with women until I was 36. I began HRT at 39. Never had sex with a woman again. I'm 53 now. One thing that I noticed is that as a male, I never felt that women desired me as much as I'm desired by men now that I'm on the other side of the spectrum.

...and I thought that scary creatures are just a legend.....

Won't taking Estrodial make a MtF look at men sexually?

Not all trans women desire to be intimate with men

Idk... I'm a completely straight trans woman who is very and only attracted to men... oh and I'm 100% a bottom and those old parts are non functioning. Ive always liked and dated completely straight men... even before transition. So yea... it made dating really effing hard bc I wasn't gay... I love my gay brothers and sisters, I'm just not gay... and never was. Now I can date freely and don't have to hide.

its called metattraction and this is typical experienced by Autogynephiles transexuals who are as core basic identity Gynephilic but inverted into the self

Eerlijk gezegd zie je eruit als een transgender.

If my partner respects me as a Trans Women . Men that don’t have a lot of emotional luggage. About the world no hangups about me being trans. Also, I tend to be. A monogamist I only have one partner 33 years now if my partner decides to part. Then the field is open I have been thinking of a female lead relation. I I already have that, but it has nothing to do with sex believe me. I am married I get slapped in shekels.. lol Yes, you’re right I haven’t connected yet. I may be attracted to them but I still look like a big guy L0 l. It would take some major landscaping I will see what estrogen does if I get approved right now I am on a blocker. It is doing a great job. It has been about nine months. Can’t wait till I get my labs. The end of the month to see how things are going. It’s a slugfest but moving forward. Also, I made say that all the stuff you’re hearing about trans being murdered shot harassed. 36 this year I hate to say it, but if you look at the general population of trans folks, it does not appear to be a large assault. A lot of them are isolated incidents amongst boyfriends and girlfriends or significant others sneaking around peoples backs. Where of you noticed . CIS Relationships have the same problem so all I have to say is chill out. There is the need to be concerned and to avoid places you don’t feel safe that goes for life. Period even if your cis. just be aware stranger, danger be cautious, because if you are not, then, don’t complain. You also might want to be prepared for any incident that may occur a safe house nearby or training to protect yourself.

I am sure hundred percent also you are trans

In one video you said I’m a trans woman know you say I’m not trans woman you make yourself confuse

Agp meta attraction.

they are all just labels. people are people.