thought this was about a covid mask for a second

there was a case a few years at my uni of a student who was failing his exams but he couldn't tell his friends and parents. the thing spiraled so much out of control that it got to the point where he was supposed to graduate and everybody was coming to celebrate, but he wasn't even close so on the graduation date he jumped off the roof. i remember my automation professor spending like 40 minutes of class talking about it and begging us to seek help when we need it

The end portion really struck for me hearing so many people these days describe themselves as "brutally honest" , when in reality they're far more interested in the brutal aspect than the honesty, because otherwise they'd find a way to be honest when it was needed while still being conscious and compassionate of the other person. This isn't to say that sometimes what someone needs is the blunt truth, but there are almost always ways to approach the truth without being completely inconsiderate of how the other person may feel or understand the situation.

"Appreciate what they did for you. Not what you got out of it." That was so helpful and beautifully started 😍😍😍

I told my parents I was fine not because I loved and cared for them but mostly because I don’t want to talk about it because they never understood the issue or would just write it off, give me some lecture, or tell a story about when they were young that isn’t relevant. So I learned to keep it all in because no one would understand it. And they wonder why I say nothing, it’s because they don’t help they just make it worse

"I've never wanted to be able to eat these nuts more than now" I loved the whole video but I will always appreciatte how your inner child is always there to take advantage of these Jokes

I did that pretending to go to uni thing too.. Definitely the worst time of my life. The shame you feel is absolutely overwhelming. It ended when I literally had to hide from my parents who came back early when I was supposed to be at a test. They found me because my shoes and backpack were still there.

recently I've been trying to get used to hugs, it's not that I dont like them and in fact I do really enjoy them but there is always this feeling of sort of regret that came afterward (probably thinking I somehow did it wrong or that I bother them in some way). Well recently I started asking some friends for hugs from time to time and told them to hug me whenever they feel like it, and Im glad to say that the feeling of regret is getting smaller bit by bit. Im really happy about it and even feel less lonely. So yeah, I guess it works being honest

The struggling with telling parents things is so real. Personally I've done it for so long that I've developed the belief that the human psyche isn't built to carry other people's burdens as well. The only way I'll get out of that is by going to a therapist because I pay them to do so

I needed this video so much. I've always had problems with being terrified of confrontation, caused by a strict and sheltered upbringing. I've learned to act timid around people to avoid upsetting anyone. It's manipulation, it's not what I'm really like. And I love the way Dr K explains that here.

"And that karma will reap its fruit" And his fruit was bittermelon lol

The age of authenticity is over. It has become the era of profile building. Its like we all know everyone is faking it and genuinely faking it. Maybe now being authentic is to know you can only TRY to figure things out.

Every single video has helped me more than you'll ever know Dr k, even this one where I clicked thinking "oh this might not be for me so let's learn about someone else" ended up being "holy shit I need to take all these masks off" being from internal feelings not being presented to the outside world within my relationships. One thing that's been sinking me like a damn anchor is doing stuff for my parents over the years and ignoring my internal passion to do completely something else, where now I have so much shame and guilt from it piling on for so long. Tonight I'll talk to them and let them know how I'm feeling and the road forward thanks to this video, I don't want to live a life anymore that feels like every day is too much weight to carry.

Being authentic is an extremely lonely path... The narrow-minded will call you boring, but the open-minded will say that being authentic makes you the most intriguing/mysterious. The only problem with that is, it's unpredictable, and unpredictability or things that people don't understand, are "scary". A person who's always inauthentic, you can predict and brush off as fake. Meanwhile, someone who is authentic, all you can do is trust. In this day and age, so many people get played by "fake authenticity" that it makes real authenticity that much harder to detect and therefore that much more terrifying to trust.

Yes, I've been wearing masks since 2019 first to reduce my anxiety. Then covid happened and wearing masks were mandatory. And now I'm still wearing masks because I've gotten so used to it.

The therapist I see combines Schema therapy in our sessions, this masking habit is what I understand as me abandoning myself (specifically my “child self”) also meaning my needs, because that is the behaviour that I had to repeat in order to receive love from those around me. I realised only after therapy that I actually wear this mask all the time, ESPECIALLY when I’m newly dating someone. And this results in me having constantly in the past end up with someone who has been kind of a jerk or in desperate need of help/support and I was constantly left drained and empty and sad, because they never from the start considered that I may have needs because I never communicated them at the beginning and would always throw my needs out the back end and only consider the other person’s. In some cases when the person/guy was a jerk, as soon as I’d express anything about my needs I was called “selfish”, “inconsiderate”, “a bad friend” etc. And that’s how, the vicious cycle of self abandonment continues! Because then there’s more shame! More pushing my needs and wants and boundaries and basically my existence on the back burner. Trusting that I can REALLY exist, instead of being parasitically strangled, and still be loved, is something I’m still working on. And it’s scary. Thank god for therapy.

This is slotting into my problem with Social Anxiety Disorder so perfectly. I have a compulsion to avoid social interaction out of fear of judgement and embarrassment, and a distinct lack of confidence in my ability to cope if/when things go wrong. This avoidance invariably takes the form of inauthenticity. I essentially have the compulsion to be inauthentic whenever I interact with most people. The reaction to this is predictable.. being inauthentic tends to attract _exactly_ the kind of attention I'm trying to avoid in the first place! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ It's lying to people about who I am, from a desperate attempt to control their reaction. Newsflash! It doesn't work. But I can't take the mask off

the hard thing about being authentic is to understand when, until which point and most importantly WHOM with you’re being so. The risk is for authenticity to shift into exposing your weaknesses, if you're not careful enough, which sometimes is good but sometimes is really bad. The problem is showing those weaknesses to people who is willing to use them against you or with people who just want to have a "chat" and not really want to know the story of your life. Being authentic in the sense of being “yourself” can be sometimes an obstacle when setting boundaries. It is all about finding the right balance: try to be authentic but also respectful of yourself and the others. Way too many people are being fake the whole time and it is being so normalized, that many wish to be lied to instead of hearing the truth. Lying is not that big of a deal for some. Social media of course plays a gigantic role in all this mess, obviously, but I don't think is the root cause of it. I think is more a mirror of society. Straight honest people will not have so many "friends" and it may be really stressing and feel unrewarding sometimes, but the few friends that are staying with you despite being authentic are the one you can really count on, or at least this was my experience. Maybe I’m being way too emotional writing this as this was what my experience was like so you shall take it with a grain of salt. I’m sure I am mixing things up but probably many of you can relate to this and put it into better words.

This is great advice. I was actually doing something similar to the guy you mentioned. I had to take a semester off from college here and there, but I kept up the lie that I was going strong and getting close to finishing. It wasn't fun, but I thought it was necessary l. Eventually I changed my degree which ment it would take a good deal longer to finish school, but it also signaled a turning point where I would just straight up say that. And it felt sooooooo much better. It felt like correcting a wrong, which it kinda was

I just wanna say I feel so grateful to be able to watch this video and being able to practice it in my day to day life. Not everyone have a safe environment to be authentic and I pray you all can finally have that safe environment.

It's so much easier to go through life wearing a mask and hiding parts of who we -truly- are (which we worry others may judge or dislike us for). But any time I tried that, it felt wrong in my soul and I felt as though I wasn't living MY life. It felt like I was lying to myself and to others. Over time I came to the conclusion that what's more important for me is not what others think of me, but instead staying true in who I am and the things I stand for - regardless of whether people like that or not.

I really enjoy your videos, they help me a lot with my recovery and understanding myself. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us!

I feel like the Swami story is very famous here in India, I've heard it multiple times with different variations and back stories but always involving bitter melon and getting it more than you ever want lol

Yeah, recently told my parents I'm not fine. Hard as **** man. My mask is off now though. The news hit them like a truck. They are still healing. I told them for over 10 years I was fine when I was serverely depressed and other things. The lies built up. My father took it the hardest... His number one lesson in raising me and my sister is don't lie except for the little white lies. One month later our relationship has healed and is better than ever. It's 100% worth it but wow so hard man.

For all these videos dr k, i thank you very much, ive developed pretty bad anxiety after a recent breakup, these videos have been very helpful in me being a better human being.

I've been working on this for the past few years and I am so much more relaxed than I used to be. I used to have anxiety and panic attacks but now I'm honest most of the time and don't feel like a fraud everyday anymore. I still am not honest 100% of the time, but life is a ton less horrifying being honest and knowing it will likely be okay to be me. Good luck to everyone. I'd start with your mom, then dad, then really close friends then others.

I went in to my final English exams in gray sweatpants and an old hoodie. Everyone wore suits and had great looking fresh hair cuts. Why did I pick my attire? It was comfortable. I had a fun talk with the ladies inside, and I nigh got max points. I'm sure as hell if I wore something I hated I'd have stressed and botched something. I just be myself at all times. I just tell people if I feel bad. Good way to sort them out too, because if they don't really care about me, they will just keep a distance after a negative discussion. It looks very scary at first, but this is what freedom is, and God see my soul, I'd not go back.

I have kind of the opposite problem compared to the OP. I'm wearing a mask before other people and this makes me boring and unable to open up. I have a hard time starting meaningful relationships because of that. It was bugging me for so long and I just can't get rid of my mask. When I try to be authentic people just think of me as gross, weird or inconsiderate. So I put on the mask and become a boring NPC.

I just went through a painful experience over the last 6 weeks due to this exact behavior. I would say that the behavior went both ways between me and a girl that I was interested in, however it was definitely more-so the girl's behavior. I originally matched with her on Hinge, and we met up last November. Afterwards, she said to me via text that she was just "looking for friends". I took that at face value, and 4 months later I decided to check up on her and see how she was doing (as a friend). She then told me she was going through a heartbreak and that "it takes time for her to get feelings for others" and that she "wanted to get to know me". In that moment, I couldn't bring myself to ask for clarification and be honest with her about my feelings/intentions as she was going through a heartbreak and I wanted to give her space. However, in doing so, that gave me some karma knowing that over time I could develop actual feelings and get myself hurt. About 3 weeks passed and we were doing a lot of activities together (tennis, dancing, rock climbing, friend meetups, a convention, etc) and I was being very obvious with my interest in her. She was also giving a lot of mixed signals. But then when I was being direct with her and asking her if we could talk in person, she had a hard time bringing herself to do so. She is a very conflict-avoidant person, and she has used white lies in the past to control the feelings of others and make sure they don't get hurt. However, it seemed like she did not want to confront the situation with me and hurt my feelings (she did friendzone me later on) - 3 weeks had passed where she was intentionally ignoring the messages specifically addressed at talking about us, but she did still yes to group events. I eventually got to tell her how I felt after that time had passed, but it really hurt that she couldn't bring herself to be honest with me earlier on. I know that I could have talked with her sooner to protect myself, but I was also trying to be mindful of her feelings. Many of my friends said that it was right for me to hold off on asking her about it, so I don't really regret it. It is a very difficult situation, especially when you are with that person you care about so much in person. Basically, the first 3 weeks, we did activities, then at the end of the 3rd week I wanted to tell her how I felt, but then it dragged on for 3 more weeks with a lack of communication/honesty/conflict avoidment that hurt me because of the anxiety/feeling of betrayal with trust as a friend. I understand why she didn't want to confront the situation, but at the same time she disregarded my feelings and, as a friend, it felt like I was being pushed under a rug. It doesn't feel good. I don't resent her for it - humans are complicated and people have their reasons. She definitely hurt me though even if unintentional, and it could have been avoided. I learned that the lack of communication and honesty though will definitely cause more bad than good over time, and that there ARE ways to approach the truth without being completely inconsiderate of the other person. Both of us could have done better, though I feel like she could have done a lot more on her end with it. (also, she revealed to me after I confessed that our first meetup was in fact a date, so I got rejected twice LOL it was a very unfortunate experience).

I really thought Dr. K was gonna talk about literal masks huh But this is great too 😌

Ur channel is so important! I hope u see that. It seems like u have compiled the perfect psychoanalysis for our generation and the way u explain and the examples u use makes it so its 100% reflective and that it is understood on multiple levels! Thank u for following ur destiny!

the problem i have is being honest with my grandmother, i'm very honest with my own mom because she makes me feel comfortable about being myself. but my grandmother is old and lowkey naive to other people's feelings and actions. she asks me why i haven't gotten a job yet and i COULD tell her that i'm depressed and i don't wanna work a entry level job that will undeniably make me EVEN MORE depressed but then she might just say i'm lazy and make me feel like shit cuz i'm not acting the way she wants me to. it just feels like being honest isn't gonna help cuz she'll just ignore everything i say and use the "lazy" argument.

I've been working on recovering from CPTSD, and cultivating compassionate authenticity has been one of the hardest and most rewarding practices I've found in my recovery. So much of my behavior has been motivated by an attempt to control my environment and other people's perceptions of me to hold onto the pleasure of attachments and not experience the pain of being triggered. As I've practiced meditation, I've begun to notice more and more that I am actually safest and most cherished precisely when I am not trying to control anything. I have also found I recieve far more grace and forgiveness when I can own the fact that I can't always help that I am occasionally reactive and difficult to be around, and that while my behavior is my responsibility, it's not always reflection of who I am as a person. What's most incredible is that in cultivating this self comparison, I've been able to extend that compassion out to others too. That is really handy because I tend to resonate with other self-aware trauma survivors, so our relationships can get a little volatile at times 😅😅

Trust gets you killed, Love gets you hurt, and being real gets you hated

Oof. I love how personally called out I feel by Dr. K's videos and the timing of them. Been just working through some similar things and it's also good to have Dr. K's perspective

I couldn't believe how wearing a mask affecting my life. It came to light that this is why I would overeat because I couldn't lean on other people and would always lie about my struggles particularly to my family and friends. Recently I tried making little changes and would just say how I'm actually feeling. This actually made me less prone to overeat because I don't feel as much as a fraud, now that I am being honest to others around me. The thought of wanting to lie to stop others from showing a negative reaction is so subtle though, which is why it had caused so many problems in my life, and am on the path of healing now

Yo that authenticity vs violence part is exactly what I needed today! I have experiences with people being rude when asking a favor. I never realized this was violence before! A lot of my karma-debt is the resentment I've built up. I feel like I am being walked over constantly, and that I am expected to give more. I will try not to meet violence with violence; But now I know I don't need to tolerate rudeness.

I was confused as to why there was no COVID mask in the thumbnail

This is such a great and important topic! Thank you Dr. K

There's an animation called Ident by Aardman Animations. It perfectly shows what is being explained here, people wearing masks in front of each other.

This is something I struggle with (and as a gay guy has been compounded from years of being closeted) as well people pleasing.... which is related to authenticity. 'Your mind will think about how the other person will react to what you say.... You are setting yourself up for karmic problems down the line." Learnt this the hard way Props to Shawn Mendes for being vulnerable and posting his struggle with this btw. Fan of him and his music.

4:12 .. :( 6:50 correcting that falsehood, pain i appreciate this being categorised as wearing a mask, not simply 'lying' bc ig its not so simple. & this separates the immediate shame from the thought of past experiences. 7:50 .. continuing living the lie, creating backlog of karmic debt delaying pain, for u & others 10:20 making amends, help w sobriety 11:15 paying that price, it hurts, but... 12:50 too much karmic debt: its ok. 13:50 ! where to start, when parents call, ask u how u are, be honest. 18:00 bittermelon story 20:20 sowing the seeds for ur future, karma 22:10 being disrespectful: truth subject to non violence 23:40 u can say that, honesty w/o hurt speaking the truth, w compassion recognise u cant control someone else's reaction; X making yourself responsible for other ppl's reactions 25:10 25:45 'not working yet, but thankyou' start w the smallest thing of authenticity, how can i say [this] w compassion + honesty? acknowledge where they're coming from 27:50 😂 28:50 *U can appreciate what they did for u, not what u got out of it*

thought this meant a physical mask and felt called out for still wearing a mask in public even though no one else is lmao

Every video Dr. K releases becomes more and more relavent to the struggles I'm dealing with.

Personally speaking, I feel like being authentic is good in small to medium doses, and it's plenty good with people that you really love, i/e loved ones or family, that's great, good friends, that's great. I feel like some sort of authenticity must get lost in between society at some point, but if you can withhold some of that authentic in ur life, then by all means, do it. As long as you think it's not gonna bother anybody out of ur loved ones spectrum, then I think it should be okay. It's a simple concept, but that's about it, it depends on the person if it's either easy or hard for them to do. Overall being authentic should be all fine with the ones that you feel like you can be that way.

Couldn't have had this recommended at a better time. I'm coming clean with my dad that my already extended 6 year undergrad in engineering will become 6.5. I've wanted to make him so proud and he already deals with a bunch of stuff in our family. It's hard, but I know it's gonna make me feel better

I prefer to say that the glass is not half full or empty - it's generally always full. Just because it doesn't fully contain liquid doesn't mean it isn't also likely full of something else we need (sometimes you need to take a break from school, sometimes you need to quit that job, etc.). It reminds me of the concept of Aristotle's central ethical concept of "happiness" (or more specifically eudaimonia) in which the point is to view one's life as a whole and not separate it - personal vs public or professional or duty vs pleasure. AA likely works because the human relationships allow walls to break down and separate forms of the self to integrate and solidify into a stronger form.

Hey HealthyGamerGG crew! Love the addition of music at the start of your videos, it fits so well! What would make it even better for me were if you credited the artist and put their name and the song title in the description!

The point about the need to speak the truth to develop compassionate skill with compassionate language is super important. How can you learn to be truly compassionate if you just constantly lie to people's faces? We live in a society (in the USA at least) where people are so comfortable with regularly lying to spare people's feelings that they actually come to expect it from others. People understand that if someone has something on their face that is embarrassing in one situation, it is impolite to not tell them but then they expect people to do almost the same thing for them in a million different ways.

How do you begin living authentically when from the start of your life you learned to modify yourself in order to avoid life-threatening conflict with those closest to you who were supposed to protect you but ended up making you afraid and fearful of people? That's what I kind of want to figure out before I kick the bucket old and alone :) Even now when I know that I shouldn't do it I keep modifying myself subconsciously around people.. most times I just end up not saying anything out of mental fatigue from all this restraining. It's kind of hard to 'just be yourself' as the kids say these days when all your life you have been suppressing yourself.. and when you start looking for it you end up even more confused. It's just a ball of confusion made from external ideas and beliefs.. I guess that's why it's so easy to stay in a mindless bubble and consume Netflix all day. I think a better question is - How do you know where the mask ends and you begin?

This really hits close to home. I feel as if my mask grows with time. With that, my anxiety and stress grows aswell. Hopefully it will be better in the future. Thank you Dr K.

Here are two things that helped me a bit: "You know when you put on a mask. Notice these moments." "Try to not be anyone at all."

This channel is just my therapy at this point

"appreciate what they did for you, not what you got out of it" well said. i loved the story xD

Jordan Peterson says stop doing the things that make you feel weak. This video Pretty much sums it up

I really lit up when Dr. K mentioned he's from Gujarat. I am from Gujarat too :) and have always suspected him to be a Gujarati too somehow idk but feels good man. Kem Cho Alokbhai? Majama? (I learn a lot through all these videos and make notes of stuff worth remembering too) Keep up the good work! Love from Gujarat

I'm not very observant so I've been wondering why your videos suddenly feel so much more chill and cool and I just realized the decor behind you is completely changed from what you used to have a while back. How long has it been? lol. But man I like it a lot, it looks so cozy and comfortable and the lighting is the cherry on top.

Dr K these videos are super helpful. But please work in some interviews too 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Dr K back with another video addressing something I needed to hear

I can be 100% honest about everything with anyone, except about my own emotions :(

The TL;DR compilation at the beginning is much better than the previous intros with just a single clip out of context.

Thank you for Swami's story and narration....

lol, I came here expecting something about medical masks and I got something else that I really needed. Thanks

My authenticity is to behave exactly what I want, no matter how different it is from other environments. It is important to not lie, your charisma level is changeable, so dont worry

Even though being authentic and respectful, it's not easy, because people really can see things differently and the make it your fault how they perceive you. I had some troubles at work because some people saw every non-praise comment like an attack.

Great videos👍🏽

I can recommend 3 films on the topic of people who invent a successful professional situation for their family and friends: The Adversary by Nicole Garcia, Time Out by Laurent Cantet, and The Human Part by Juha Lehtola. They really translate well this concept of karmic debt, how psychologically destructive it is to live that way.

"Now, in the same way, I've often said life is a drama, and a drama is a deception. It's a big act. When you peel an onion, and you don't really understand the nature of an onion, you might look for the pit in the centre, like any ordinary fruit has. But the onion doesn't have a centre. It's all skins. And so, when you get right down, there's nothing but a bunch of skins. You say, Well, that was kind of disappointing. But, of course, you have to understand that the skins were the part that you eat. Well, in rather the same way, you see, you find-when you explore yourself, and your motivations, and you go through and through-and you try to find out that thing which is really genuine. That's why, in Zen discipline, they give you kōans which require a perfectly genuine act. An act of total and absolute sincerity. And people knock themselves out trying to do this thing, but they always know that the master is going to catch them, because he reads their thought. Do you know that story of von Kleist, about the man who had a fight with a bear? And the bear could read his thoughts, so that the only way of hitting the bear was to do so not on purpose-because the bear would know in advance. So it's the same in working with a Zen master. You have to do the genuine act not on purpose. But since you're put in a situation where it's rather formal, and you're supposed to do it on purpose, you're stuck, you see? So you explore the onion, and you go in, and in, and in, and then you find-well, it's all a deception!" - Alan Watts The Web of Life, Part 11: A Perfectly Genuine Act

3:31 - 4:22 i realised i came to the right talk when you precisely described my situation here

I miss seeing chat in the videos. 😔 The stuff people wrote in there made me laugh to tears sometimes.

My grandma would always ask if I was fine, but she also used to make it seem like thinking of suicide is a disgrace so I never really told her until I didn’t care anymore

Bitter Melon is SUCH a great analogy. I'm remembering that for life.

Hey man just wondering how much you charge for help? I watched your videos with Reckful and I resonate with you a lot. I have a lot of unanswered questions and I feel you're the guy to answer them.

When a new HGGG video drops and the title is directly calling you out.

It's a big problem when you can't stand having a mask on. I've lost multiple jobs because my "authentic" self has alot of self loathing and hate that gets reflected onto others and it's hard for me to tolerate being insincere.

Sum good advice, "appreciate their gesture, not what you got out of it"

It's spooky... I just thought about this in the morning, and guess what Dr. K has made a video on? This exact topic!

So it's kind of like the difference between just being a "nice" person and bring a "kind" person.

The bitter melons story reminds me of when I was a kid and had dinner at a friends house. I forget what the dish was but I do remember there was whole pieces of ginger in it. I didn’t want to be rude and I ate all the food including the ginger. It wasn’t until after and the mom informed me I wasn’t supposed to eat the ginger. I liked the food, just didn’t really feel good eating all the ginger.

this is just what I needed

The vitamin D thing was an actual thing that happened to me. It's so surprising to see that example being used!

this bittermelon pickle story is my favorite he's ever told omg

I'm reminded of that scene from Mad Men (any Mad Men fans here?) where Don reveals his true self to his clients and colleagues with absolutely disastrous results.

I straight up thought this was about someone wearing a COVID face mask and was afraid to take it off.

My youngest son sent me this video for mothers day.. I told both my sons tell me the truth. If you make a mistake it's a mistake. But if you lie about it then I'm gonna be upset... he was not being authentic but maybe I was too busy to hear him that one moment. But I also defended him so many times from his older brother and his father. He still likes them. I'm Gen x so we all real here.

I don’t tell my mom I’m fine because I love her, I do it so there’s no repeated annoyance.

I’ve been acting all the time it completely drains me this year. Finally I came to therapy trying to find the authentic me, but turns out I got diagnosed as ASPD. I would say I don’t really care how people think of me, but I care my work results and I want everyone comes from work likes me so they can do things to my favour. Maybe the reason I was unhappy wasn’t authenticity but it’s because of the void of a real sense of self. I am pretending so much, cuz unconsciously I know how I am is not so acceptable. Cuz the true me, is just one cold and manipulative asshole inside…

This is kind of related, but I have developed this mask of cool distance and emotionless, overly verbose way of being around people that came mainly from me trying to hide how unhappy I was as a teen behind deadpan wit. Now, I feel a lot happier in myself, but can't stop acting like a robot in public. I see people laugh, crack jokes, acting really emotionally open, and I used to find that really off-putting in people, but I kinda want more of that now. It occurs to me that part of the reason I struggle socially (and in relationships) is because I come across cold until I am comfortable enough around a person to lift the mask

I forgot Shawn Mendes is still so young

this video is perfectly timed😔

The present sucks more often than we realize. We are programmed to think more fondly of the past so it’s only natural that we think telling the truth and being authentic is less work and pain than we might initially think.

It sums up most of my issues, and the moment he said “it’s manipulation” i went 😲, because I have lately been feeling manipulative, and that i can literally adjust how people react and perceive things related to me, which isn’t the intention behind it, but it’s just an ability that develops with the dishonesty! And it is starting to make me feel like trash

For 40 years I have been inauthentic. It stops now, I will not pander to what I think other wants out of me no more. I will speak my mind from now on.

Interesting video, this is something I struggle with a lot. But still, is it really a good thing to be more authentic when your authentic self is garbage? I mean, for instance, in the scenario with receiving a gift of strawberries you're allergic to, what if I DIDN'T really appreciate the gesture and actually do wish they had gotten me something I could actually eat? I mean, obviously I know they weren't aware I have allergies and so I wouldn't blame them for getting something I couldn't eat, but I might still feel genuinely upset at the situation, even if it's nobody's fault, and thus be unable to feel any gratitude for the gesture itself. Would it still be authentic to thank them for the gesture, then? It feels fake to me if I'm not actually feeling thankful. But then if I say something like "Oh, I actually wasn't able to eat them because I have allergies, but I think it was a nice idea on your end, just kind of unfortunate that it worked out this way" or the like, then I feel like I'm being manipulative because I'd be carefully avoiding saying that I actually feel upset and like I was given false elation and stuff. And if I say something like "Oh, I actually wasn't able to eat them because I have allergies, which made me pretty upset, but I think it was a nice idea on your end anyway, just kind of unfortunate that it worked out this way" then I feel like the other person would (rightfully) think of me as an asshole for needing to mention that it made me upset. And it would probably ruin their mood, too, so it's not really sparing their feelings at that point. Ugh, I don't know. Maybe I'm just autistic if I care about being precise so much.

7:20 dang I just realized I’ve been answering “I don’t know” for literally as long as I remember

God I was such an awful dumb kid. Thanks Dr. K, this stuff really helps.

I hate to admit it but I struggle with the mask thing.... I sometimes feel empty, or an imposter of some kind idk it’s hard to describe but then I also struggle with “people pleasing” and it’s why I continue to do my best to be a better person each day. But it’s hard, especially when people, even my own friend/relatives tell me “you’re so cringe” or “you’re weird af” and yeah, I am aware I am and it’s also something I feel I really need to work on, I guess.

My ex-husband pulled that pretending to go to college thing. Left every day for a semester lying to me about were he was going. Telling me he was going to class when he was at the local game shop playing Warhammer.

I think even when it’s positive feedback it can be uncomfortable. Like maybe early on people got mad at you when you succeeded, or placed even more expectations on you. As a result, you don’t want praise or scorn. You just want to go unnoticed.

literally the first sentence at 0:00 describes it perfectly. when people say "just be yourself bro" its usually cause its worked for them and not for me lmao