As difficult as it sounds, freedom from narcissism is to learn to love yourself.

i am out of my toxic relationship but my head is still a battleground of conflict and confusion. i feel like a heaviness has descended, not depression, but just a weariness of having been stuck in a psychological battleground so long. Having been pushed and pulled through a wringer so that very little of my essence is left. I'm sure others can related.

And when you start pulling away, and remove yourself from the games, they turn up the pity party. Nothing they do is about anyone but them. Thank you Dr. C for helping to open my eyes to their schemes. And yes, they are schemers. Have a blessed day!

There's no way to escape a Narcissist unscathed...once you remove yourself, albeit wounded, then lick your wounds and be grateful you've survived!

A friend of mine broke free several years ago. He gave me this advice: “Respond in sentences not paragraphs” Keeping it brief has helped so much.

Here is the good news about dealing with a narcissistic human. Not only did they make me stronger but they also made me more confident. I can spot one as soon as they open their mouths!

It's funny when they say you are needy - when their whole existence is based on needing supply from other people.

I always put myself last. Which suits the Narcissist down to the ground

I’ve found that when they know they have gotten to you, they smile and laugh, pure satisfaction for them. 😡

My husband walked out on me last November after 24 together. He has all the behaviors of a covert narcissist. I have spent the last year watching your videos and about 3 other people on here. I can’t tell you how much you have helped me. Your videos have been a wealth of valuable information for me. They have opened my eyes and helped me understand what I was dealing with. I have come a long way in the past almost 12 months thanks to these videos. I have read everything I can find on the subject of covert narcissist too. If I hadn’t I would still be stuck in confusion and pain. I would have probably taken him back when he sent flowers to me and said he would do whatever it takes to make things good between us. I didn’t respond. He said that yet he hasn’t called me or text me. I am so thankful for your videos. I can’t tell you how much of a difference they have made in my life. I feel like I have my life back. I am so thankful. My life and my freedom. I’m not on an emotional roller coaster ride anymore. I’m at peace.

When I realized they were not even trying to communicate, but just liked the conflict, it immediately opened up so much mind space for me, and relieved 90% of walking on eggshells. I previously tried to keep from being misinterpreted, constantly second guessing how I might be perceived, but when I realized I would always inevitably be misunderstood, willfully, well then I didn’t have to worry. Just do what I want.

Basically you can't have a conversation with a Narcissist. You have to end all conversations with them to end their supply of you.

I have to say that it takes a long time for these lessons to sink in. I have been growing and learning from videos such as yours for 2 years now. I can never hear these lessons enough. They have become my comfort and if you will, my lullaby to calm down or wake up, they bring me peace and also, validation. I was not a 6-month wonder. It has taken a few years to be happy again. Stay with it. Let your ambition drive you out of bed each day. It's going to be OK.

"When you have a high dependence on someone else, it's in your best interest to control them". This is gold Dr. C. Thank you from Ireland 🇮🇪 ❤

What you don’t know is who do you trust around you who knows the narcissist? You often have to leave them also.

It's tough dealing with evil, but even tougher is not being prepared to deal with evil. Thank God for great humans like Dr. Les Carter who educate us so we are ready to deal with narcissists who plague our beautiful planet, but also keep us in fighting shape.

No wonder I have been feeling insanely alone since the beginning! Finally I’m collapsing. And, no wonder he dislikes his own daughter because she always refuses to feed his emotional needs.

I remember the exact moment I was DONE being his supply. We had to sell our house as we were divorcing, and were doing some painting touch up. He pointed out that I had let paint drip on the outside of the can. I didn't explain, fight back, or anything. I simply did not react, and changed the subject. I was DONE! FREEDOM!! Dr. Carter, your videos are so affirming!! It's wonderful to know someone absolutely understands!

What’s awesome about narcissists is that they are supremely skilled at exposing our own vulnerabilities to ourselves … expose any cracks in our self-love, any vague boundaries, the extent to which we assume we aren’t already free 🤙 It’s a tough though worthwhile journey 💖

I have no desire to fit in. No plans to walk with the crowd. I have my own mind, heart, and soul. I am me and it has taken me years to realize how important that is. ~Anon It is entirely possible to be a kind, loving person who refuses to tolerate bullsh*t. In fact, it's not only possible, it's absolutely necessary. ~Nanea Hoffman

I accepted my own co-dependent part in the narcissist's dance. Then I could end the friendship. It's been hard, but I am free to be me. Finally.

Justice, mutual respect and kindness, they don't know those things

They love to be needed (e.g. the need to have them see their ways, the need for reasonable responses, etc.) and then reject you. I find not needing anything from them is the best way.

I prayed A lot , cried a lot … then God showed me in a dream… what to do. So glad I walked away… These words were given me by a prophetic minister I, the Lord have delivered you from a stronghold, or it would have completely destroyed you. 🎉🎉🎉 🌿Praise the Lord JESUS ! Never stay in a toxic relationship. I can NEVER tolerate a person who lies alot.

To believe in yourself. You've got this!

Even though I have removed myself from the narcissists in my family quite a while ago now, you can never stop learning about their behaviour and mannarisims as well as hidden agendas. Great video!

The way to deprive them of supply just so happens to be the thing that makes you healthier... NO CONTACT. It will be a year at the end of the month. There is life worth living!

I like the, “You get to be you, and I get to be me”.

My narcissist almost killed me a few weeks ago and is in jail. I am having a horrible time not wanting him back. I'm in counseling but watching these videos and reading the comments keep me strong. Thank you!!

By what I am hearing is that they are so demented that they can take anything you do, good or bad, make a lie about it to themselves and to others so that they can feel like the superior one. No wonder they are a waste of breath and time. 🤯

I started my own list over 15 years ago of why I wanted to detach from my N. Parent. My first item was knowing I was “ owned”. The second was realizing my job (as a daughter in her 40’s) was to serve her, even though I had 5 children of my own. That ( secret) list turned into pages, of every role I wished to escape. It matched the narcissist (and also a narcissistic family system) you summarized in this post and what it feels like to be the primary Supply. Guilt kept me unhappily paralyzed for all those years. Thank you for acknowledging that to select freedom is an option when we are in the trap of useless explaining and duties. You have helped me tremendously in staying strong, since I calmly went no contact 16 months ago. My marriage is happier, and my peace and inner confidence has grown with the freedom. I know I am not a bad person. You have helped so many people decide they can have their own life that makes sense.

The number one challenge - keeping the same circle of friends. It is her delight to discredit me and shame me.

Bingo! Freedom. That is how I have felt after I recently unbound myself from the dominant malignant narcissist in my life. It will hurt financially, probably, but I couldn't take this person another second. Sixty years of that mean, petty, manipulative treatment is quite enough. I'm done. "I see you for what your are." That's it. Thank you for another spot-on video, Dr. Carter.

I am SO SICK of bad advice from friends and family members who tell me to just share my feelings with my spouse. They do not understand that HE DOES NOT CARE about me! He is not on my team in any way. He is unable to connect in the way I wish we could. I have tried the crying, the pleading, the shaming, the raging, the begging. He always always always gets his way, and I end up emptier and lonelier than ever. Dr. Carter, you are a God send. Please stay well and keep talking about this is a loving and sensible way. You’re reasonable and wise, both rare qualities in this day and age.

When I understood his, my ex husbands, game..I pulled away ..I was replaced, discarded, the meanness was beyond painful. I'm better now. I've got much healing to do but now understand I am enough, I'm a loving beautiful person and he is INSIGNIFICANT. Thanks Dr. C !

It’s game to them. Have literally heard, “I’m not playing your game,” when I agree to disagree, or say you have your thoughts I have mine. I say life isn’t a game. But, apparently to them, it is. Sad way to live.

Your description of a narcissist freed me! I couldn't believe you were saying everything I was dealing with, like Gaslighting! He put me through hell playing that sick mind game, he made me question my sanity on more times than I want to admit. Just sitting there with my ear buds in listening to your calm southern voice that reminds me of my uncle you put into words what I wasn't able to because I was so beat down, frustrated and empty! At the end of your video I knew what I was dealing with, I knew it was never going to stop and I knew I was done! It was so bad I was carrying a pistol! I packed up what I could get in my car and left that day and I will never go back!! He has turned my youngest child against, and tried to do the same with her older sister but she cut him off when he starts on a rant! I'm gone, sooner or later he's going to need a new source of supply so he's going to point that inner rage at his own daughter and when he does he has met his match because she's more controlling than he is! Lol She's a chip off the ole Narcissistic block! I don't hate him, love him, he's pathetic. He had a stroke from high blood pressure because he wouldn't take his meds. and he has tubes coming out of his kidneys because they're barely working and you know what? I'm not going to help wipe his ass, I did it for 41 years and I refuse to give him one more minute of my life! I might sound heartless, if I am he made me this way!! This is my life, the fact that I have absolutely no idea who I am or what I like is beside the point. He really did a number on my entire being and slowly I hope to get some of it back soon. Thank you Dr. Carter for being such a great man. For making videos that are changing people's lives for the better, you are a rare breed.

Had a particularly creative thought come to mind: narcissists’ egos are Internally weak, They need your helium to inflate their egos so that then they may tower above you like a Macy’s parade balloon which explains why any tiny disagreement with them punctures a hole and risks their demise which is why they react with such defensive rage delusions lies and cover up all of those things are meant to be pieces of tape to cover up the hole you’ve punctured so they won’t deflate 🙄😂

This is the best one I think youve ever done. Thank you so much for helping people understand the real deception that takes place from people you are supposed to trust. You are making a huge difference to individuals everywhere that feel so out of touch with their own gut instincts.

I must say, as traumatic as it is, unbinding from narcissists, it's even more liberating. My mother died last year, and now, as a middle aged man I'm happily adjusting to life on 'the outside.' We should never underestimate the power our abusers have over us. I spent the better part of a century excusing it, a lifetime hiding it, and every waking hour trying to make up for it, but now that my mother is gone, it's over and I'm alive to savor it.

Narcissistists don't care what your boundaries are , they are going to keep screwing with you because they don't know how to be honest about the important stuff

He ignores heart to heart conversations. Silence - it’s painful. If I ignore in return, (immature-but attempting to get him to see what it feels like). No response. I can then act like there is no issue-then he acts normal and will talk. (As long as it’s shallow). If any pain from me is involved I get nothing. As long as I pursue him it’s fine-but if my heart longs for reciprocation-nothing. I must ask. It makes me think I’m too needy….but I started to realize why does he NEED my world to revolve around him. Let it revolve around me a time or two during the month.

I'am FREE spent 28yrs under his control and he had no respect for me, children and family, no mind games anymore, I don't care what he does no EMOTIONS THERE ANYMORE and now live my life to my rules not his, I let him go and he can have ALL his women in the world but he won't EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN, thank you so much Dr Carter, I deserved BETTER.

I am sending these video links to my daughter, who just divorced a narcissist sociopath. She still has to communicate with him about their two boys activities, and he constantly gaslights and projects to her. He is pure evil. She is learning how to deal with him through your videos. Thank you so much for the help.

I've had a 30 year friendship with a narc and it has felt very much like a game of chess.I didn't understand this until I watched your and Dr Ramani's videos.I'm finally ready to walk away from the game all together.I'm out!

I argued back a lot with the narcissistic ex. Dang....I was supplying. When I started to grey rock, is when he started pulling out of our marriage. It's all so clear now 😪.

Or they suddenly start connecting with you and that’s double edged because you finally are getting some connection but you’re ticked and don’t trust it because they were holding out on you.

It takes time y’all. That pit of hopelessness on feels after leaving slowly dissolves with therapy, self-care, self-compassion and time. Soon one will discover his and her passions and dive in headstrong. Once that happens never look back!

You’re afraid somethings wrong with you, and no matter where you go you’ll attract it again.

Its like a vicious cycle, keeps going around, same story. I become more distant each time as a natural defense. It all works out. Thank you. This makes more sense . ☮

Gus is so focused on the narcissist.

Example: me moving into new house, my sibling narcissist came to sit in chair and boss me around so I told her not to tell me where to put any of my furniture…. 7 years later I’m moving a table and narcissist says, “ I could have told you it was in the wrong place but you commanded me not too( snicker, snicker) .. then I realized she stores away anything you say against her to get you back years later.

You Can't Win with a narcissist, as soon as I figured this out, I opted out of the competition, too draining. I never took the bait 5 years with no arguments, I just went with the flow, in the end was discarded anyway, he wanted me to punish him, I have already raised 2 sons and one husband, I have better things to do.

Thank you, Dr Carter, way more than words can say, for being a voice of reason and understanding. You reveal and enlighten us and the whole world from the unnecessary, impossible and destructive burden and pain of narcissists. Thank you for all your compassion for sharing your knowledge of healthy communication and peace. G-d bless you and yours.

There are some cases where getting out from under the narcissists' ownership of you simply isn't possible. Being financially dependent on narcissists can cause this to be the case. Some of us will continue to live under narcissistic abuse for the rest of our lives.

Thank you, Les. Excellent. Jesus has given us His Peace. Let us not allow the Narcissist to steal our Peace.

I woke from a horrible nightmare of being a bloodied, battered mouse tormented by a big cat. My husband said, "It's you and your mother."

I'm only 4 minutes into the video and what's being described is basically a daily battle for me. I can totally relate to these behaviours and I'm sure many of you can too...

# 1 challenge as you unbind from a narcissist - I guess this would depend on what type of narcissist, right? I find myself in a very difficult situation where it seems at the moment that 'Only Distance' is a safeguard to...... how can I describe it.... a personality that is so engulfing of anything I am, a pull to their reality so strong that my only recurse is to pull away from their lets call it Orbit, gravity, influence. I can not use logic, I can not use truth, I can not state fact, I can not claim my value, I can not state my point nof view. because these are not recieved instead these are transformed, twisted and converted, by this personality to fit their construct, BUT what I find the most debilitating is that this personality is capable of twisting the opinions of those around me, leaving me completely 'allienated'. So my only answer is Distance from this personality 'gravity pull'. I forgive this person, I have good will towards this person, I accept this person, Life and God has a place for this person, I hope the Best for this person, this person is valuable, and powerful... but I don't want to cease to be ME because of it. In another way of saying or seeing it: I do not want my essence to be 'anihilated'... what do I mean? I don't want to be - consumed - by the needs of this personality. 'I' want to be.

As you once said 'You don't know what you don't know' but each of your videos brings so much clarity and understanding. Thank you Dr C for the insights you have brought me 💜

Pure gold: "Your opinion has become more and more irrelevant."

It's nonstop 24/7 and exhausting. Unfortunately I can't make it financially if I leave. Trying to find a way to help myself for the time being.

Wow the idea of freedom and not needing validation is...incredible. That is such a perspective shift. Thank you for this video.

Its real simple. Once you identify that a narc is using you for supply...RUN, and don't look back. If your circumstance is such that thr narc is entangled in your life such that you can't easily leave....build boundaries around them. If they cross the boundaries, reinforce them with consequences. This includes legal action, removing access to you, ghosting them, grey or yellow rocking them.

I'm staying, but not staying unarmed or unprepared! Not all of us are able to leave, but you can make a good life weather you are with them or not. It's a life style I chose, but I "grey rock" and I am up front and never give in to their pressure to manipulate me.

It's hard to refrain from asking questions when you discover a lie and want to know how widespread the deception went and they refuse to answer questions. Now I'm talking legal defrauding. I accepted a settlement to keep it out of court but I really want to know the truth of how far back this went and the actual numbers involved and yet I know I will never know..... (If I had gone to court they would have just lied further and all my money would have gone in to legal fees)

Freedom. A beautiful word. Worth fighting for.

Thank you Dr. Carter for empowering all those "post narcissism victims." Charles ♥ (33+ years to figure it out.)

I just realized truly that no contact is the only way !!! I mean it is not easy !! I keep pushing forward every day ...

oh gosh. I was (WAS) a perfect supply. Finally my true independence surfaced and the narc discarded me. Yayyy -Sweet Freedom!

You are helping me get thru and understand the strange relationship that I just ended. I love Gus so much! He looks just like my Peaches Larue. I rescued her from the 99% kill shelter in New Mexico. Couldn’t have made it thru this narcissist ordeal without her. She and Gus have the same exact mannerisms. Funny thing, he loved her more than me! lol… he even said that.

"U do u boo" ....step away so no one gets hurt.

Truly Dr. C. ........You are absolutely right.....thats the only way I survived all the years of living with the Narcissist and his narc family! Just call me the Odd Man Out!!! Thank you so much!!! It's nice to be validated...At Last!!!!

The truth will set you free.

As soon as I took back control of my own feelings-that freedom Dr. C talks about in this video 😊-the narcissists in my life revealed their true colors. I’ve been accused of being argumentative, mean, condescending, and insulting simply for saying, “no, I’m not going to do this anymore.” They had all the feelings they accused me of having but w/o me to absorb them, they had to deal w/that negativity themselves. It truly is life-changing embracing your freedom. ⭐️ Thanks for yet another amazing video, Dr. C! These are so educating, reassuring and liberating. 😁💟

he was scared to death when i said that i don't defense nor revenge bcs life will return back each of us and life is very taught and he is the one life just expect to see i think word "life" scarred him

at this point, no response is the best tool i can use. no biting the hook. his favorite subject is him. i am so exhausted being an audience. thank you Dr. C

Am currently working on how to extricate myself from a 10 year marriage with a narcissist and this channel is an absolute lifesaver. I have learnt to recognise my own behaviours that provide that supply and am working on how to limit that. Thank you so much Dr. C.

Dr. Carter, thank you so much. You help so many people with your kind, peaceful, wisdom. Know that you make a difference and you are appreciated...

After a pretty extensive smear campaign against me, my ex stayed away for a year, i grew a lot. But then he came back, several times. Once again I got tired of telling him I would not talk to him and I was caught off-guard when I ran into him at a local store and talked to him. It all came flooding back to me. Gosh, once again I am thinking, I thought I was smarter, stronger than this. Ah well, I will move forward in my healing again.

Thank You Dr Carter. No more game playing. 👍

Woah he discarded me praise the lord

We have to be as flat (neutral, like a poker player ;-)) as possible with these people. So that they don't have anything to hold on to. They love fights (even if they show that they are deeply emotionally impacted at the time of the fight). So they will try to provoke fights with any means possible. I share a child with a narcissist. We have been divorced for couple of years. And now, it is very clear he is using our child to reach out to me and to provoke either a fight or to get me annoyed or to mess up with my time with our child. Another typical example of his many weapons is dealing with time; for example, if we are over the phone, talking logistic for our child, he is going to put me on hold, or talk to someone else that he suddenly bumps into, etc. as if my time was not valuable at all. Now that his game is cristal clear (thanks to you Dr Carter), it is SO MUCH easier to deal with it. I see him as a unstable 12 years old kid. Still a pain in the neck, but so much easier. Less energy/time consuming.

There are two sides to the coin, but the coin can only roll smoothly when it is on it's edge, like a person walking a tightrope of sanity.

Exactly what I wrote on last payment to him, “paying for her freedom”! So lucky to have gotten out with my sanity intact after 20 years, as his son described him, a condescending jerk who is broken……very sad.

This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you.

"I'm so modest I can admit my only fault. And my only fault is that I don't realize how great I really am." Muhammad Ali. After 3 years trying to satisfy a narc mind I'm finally free enough to laugh at my hopeless efforts.

This video has been a huge blessing for me, thank you.

u are absolutely right they want last word to show u their in control ur not. good and good bye to the narcisstic

Mybrother and MOTHER always thought my crying was " fun to WATCH" ( their words!!)!

All this shows me more than ever I was wise to just walk away.

I am freely embracing who I am. Every topic you present on line has given me more depth into understanding the never ending manipulative games they play seeking supply to soothe their ego. Thanks for this education. Feeling so much better. God bless.

One of my doctors said that I was an empath with energy transferance problems, and Ive got to try to stop it.

I have a friend who is recovering from a relationship with a narcissist that lasted for more then a decade. I am doing my best to help her heal, and break the trauma bond that she still has. I am not a professional, but we all do what we can to help our loved ones. And I wouldn't be able to do it without Dr. C and his helpful advice. It's no substitute for a real therapy, but she is making progress none the less. Thank you, Dr. C!

It wouldn’t be a problem if someone is just looking for validation. But with the Narcissists there is a need to validate a false personality.

You are amazing of accuracy and so generous to offer videos like this. Your channel is a gift. Thank you.

I have learned not to cry. Everything else mentioned here I have an immediate story regarding. Wish I could leave. Can’t.

My dad would capitulate, I would justify, we'd end up arguing and my covert mother would sit and smirk. Now I understand what was going on. She was a "victim" who always got what she wanted.

It’s so sad that all the things they use as supply are reasonable and natural ways of being human. It seems to me you just can’t be a real person around them. My life is too short to play act all the time. I’m done.

This helped me in early recovery and for others in recovery from past harming patterns. We must stop and ask ourselves throughout the day "Does this action serve me?" Take an inventory of the scenario, and the approach, and affirm to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.