Let her be exactly who she is

Damn Jared is spitting facts. I am definitely that kid who lacked identity and didn't have an opinion beyond ones her parents gave her. It did cripple me in life. All the good grades and good manners couldn't help me when it came time to choosing what I wanted in life and having the courage to go after it.

Y’alls transparency about parenting is so admirable. Y’all say the quiet parts out loud and there is SO MUCH parent shame for doing so. Thank you for being real about the journey!

I was a nanny for 9yrs, and now am a nurse. I specialized in working with families who had children like Ryu. I have absolutely no advice, because there is no “right” answer beyond the one you two have already chosen which is to love her and each other through it all. The ride is bumpy, it is. But you have all that you need in your village, intuition, resources, and Ryu’s love. I’m praying for you and sending love!🩵

I have an explosive child and I have tips that changed everything: 1. 5 minute rule - do you want to do this now or in 5 minutes? I use this when I have to go with plan A (firm boundary). This gives them time to prepare and feel like they have a choice. Bonus if you have sand timer so they can see the time is up! 2. Shan said golden advice: Don't ask them why are they upset if they are unable to express it yet - instead you give them options (are you upset because dad said no? are you upset because you are tired?...) 3. When they are crying you don't tell them: stop crying! you guide them out of their emotions: tell them it is ok to feel that way then tell them they can express it then be specific in wich ways it is acceptable to express anger,sadness...( my child was biting and hiting, so I say no that is not ok, you can stomp your feet/ beat a pillow/ take a paper and ruin it and than teach them how to calm down (we count to ten and breathe, but there is a million tehniques one being having a tent that the child can go in when they feel upset and have things there that calm them down, guided meditations you name it! ) ) 4.books, books,books! I read my child books who are written by psyhologists that show specific situations and how are they handeled, and these book eaven have a part that explains why and how to act for parents! for example: lion gets mad because someone told him no, or zebra is afraid when parents yell ( books are in Serbian, I would link them otherwise. I am sure that they have more options in USA ) this way I get to talk to him about his emotions in a neutral setting - when we are both calm show him that he is not the only one going trough these emotions and I learn how to menage his emotions the right way! I know it is exausting to find and maintain the space for your kids emotions 24/7, to orient your day and plans around their emotions and to be patient! As they get older, (and if you give them tools) it gets easier ! Good luck! ps. I really hope you read this comment, you two have been such a big help in my adult life and the way I navigate my relationships! I wish I could be of any help to you two❤

Jared is SO even tempered and communicative. It’s really beautiful to watch you two have a conversation

I love how he speaks so positively about his daughter.

As a strict parent this gave perspective. I really need to calm down on the judgement of other parents even when I think I am not. We are all in this together and need to have compassion.

I have raised 4 children and I can say I have 2 very determined & challenging children. Both of which are now incredible! It is true, if you learn how to foster that strong will and teach balance, they go on to be such world changers. My daughter is the first girl wrestler to win All American for the entire county. She knows what she wants and goes for it! I am in awe of her personality now. But trust… she was HARD! And I lost my cool many times. You are both doing a great job 👏🏽 The fact that you are talking and reflecting is key

My first thought was growing up undiagnosed ADHD and ASD, and watching my nephews deal with the same. I urged my sibling to get the first kid some support but she wasn’t taking any suggestions, now there’s three preteens really struggling. I know you said there wasn’t a developmental delay, but it’s not always a case of milestones alone. Neurodivergence is a massive spectrum. Highly suggest looking further into that.

I was a pretty emotionally challenging child for my parents and, much like Jared said, their approach was to break my spirit into submission. I can tell you as an adult, it has severely impacted me. So in some way hearing you both embrace her energy rn in your own ways and still as a unit is so healing. Loved hearing you be so observant of your children's natural behaviour from a place of support and awareness.

Jared's got the right mindset, managing behavior, but not sweating it. She's been on this blue marble for 2 years! It takes us nearly 30 to figure it out a little ha! ❤

The autistic spectrum is so wide and a lot of the characteristics you describe of your daughter those are on them. Girl children are not as quick to be diagnosed unfortunately and a diagnosis is important just to get the support not only for her but for parents. You two are doing an amazing job!

Some of the smartest and strongest kiddos start as the most challenging kids. That is why having kids changes us more than we realize.

Jared said don't talk about my baby like that lmao. This is a great conversation. I have a STRONG willed child who exibited a lot of those same behaviours. He ended up being diagnosed both ADHD and ASD.

Jared is a great dad. Growing up I wished I had a father that would at least try to understand me. Beautiful.

My husband is the most centered, most compassionate, gentle yet strong man I've ever known, and yet my mother in law said he was a nightmare child to raise. His undiagnosed adhd really made things rough for them. For me, I was an angel child to raise, yet I am barely functioning emotionally as an adult. I guess you never know!

It's so wonderful to hear two parents discuss their kids true personalities, how they feel their kids are as people.

I see the other ppl saying look into ADHD/ASD and that's the immediate thought I had listening to this. Growing up undiagnosed AuDHD/neurodivergent there's soooo much that can look to others like just being difficult or being 'moody' but a lot of it boils down to over/under stimulation or discomfort (about things that might not make sense to anyone else, like having water on your hands or different texture socks lol) and being disciplined or yelled at or hit or whatever doesn't help -- understanding does. When you said you give her options of how she might feel that's soo so helpful! Sometimes it's hard to identify what's bothering us (partly because of how overstimulating things can be) and so even just hearing that someone is there to try and understand and explore that with you is helpful. Hearing this from a parents perspective versus my lived experience as a kid is so interesting. And I feel for her and for you both!

I was a tantrum child and bizarrely I remember how I was feeling while I was writhing on the floor and screaming at the top of my lungs. It’s one of my earliest memories. The frustration came from not understanding WHY my parents said no to something when I also understood that they had the power to say yes and do whatever it is I wanted. I couldn’t compute WHY they’d say no when they could just make me happy by saying yes.

I have no idea 🤷‍♀️. But, she might like a more structured approach, and not a so much you are free to be who you are. The opposite of what you might think because she’s strong-willed. That might be where the frustration is coming in. Example- when dad told her you’re not getting the yogurt, it calmed her down. He told her what was going to happen, and that gave her peace. A strong willed child might not need the let’s explore your feelings approach, everything is open to figure out and be free. Be consistently direct instead of let’s try this or that. People who are not very flexible like to know exactly what’s happening, what’s next, what are the rules so I can learn to follow them, predictability. They like a schedule and not Just trying to explore. The key issue: she’s frustrated. Why??? That’s the question to explore. She’s two years old not an adult yet so just because we have no impulse control when it comes to I want that candy bar, doesn’t need to be projected onto her. She needs parenting and guidance because she doesn’t have the capacity to know. Giving her too much decision-making at this age can frustrate her. It isn’t freeing and you’re not stifling her. So you have to take charge of what’s good for her and not worry about how you feel as an adult. Lots and lots of hugs to you. I can see you’re trying soooooo hard.

Ryu needs a bit of grace, she’s just a child. And one who comes from two intelligent parents. Nothing to fear. She’s learning about the world and absorbing that information in an expressive “wild” way. Although she’s different and maybe more energetic, that’s the gift God have her. Maybe put her in sports since she seems more kinesthetic. Maybe arts since she’s more emotional. There isn’t a right way or digestible way to be a child. Ryu was born to you two for a reason. Let nature run its course. She will be just as bright and brilliant as you two. In the end her perceived wildness may be the strength for her to succeed.

I HAVE A RYU! So great to hear we aren’t alone. I resonated so much with this episode and sent it to my husband right away! The part at the end where you said that you two look at each other and can recognize your in the craziness together is something we are struggling with. It honestly got me a little teary eyed. I don’t wear all my emotions on my sleeve like my husband so during those big feelings and tantrums I often feel left alone to deal with them because my husband will react to our toddlers big feelings with his own big feelings. Then I’m stuck with trying to handle both. After my husband has lost his cool he tends to need to take a step back and some time to regroup which is fine and something he should be allowed to do BUT then it just leaves me to deal with my sons big feelings and my own alone. Regulating everyone’s emotions is draining! It’s rough out here!

I am not a parent and would usually scroll past a video like this. I decided to watch and it was interesting. I love the realness you both shared. I’ve never heard parents talk like this honest, and I liked it. People act like parents shouldn’t have or share their true feelings towards certain things about their kids or judge them for keeping it real. Some kids are just more challenging than others. Doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Clearly your daughter is your “teacher.” I also noticed in this conversation there were moments of surprise where you disagreed with parenting style and experience, and you both held space for the other. But God knows why I’m not a parent. No patience for dem bad ass kids 😅

It sounds like you guys are incredibly engaging; observing; and empathetic parents. You guys seem to balance and compliment each other very well as parents. Jared’s take on Ryu is more go with the flow, take it day by day (moment by moment), “ this is a part of the process” “we’ll get there” sought to speak; while Shannon is more methodical where she researches behavior and tries to understand it, work with it. Both takes are thoughtful and filled with purpose. Its like you both are trying to master parenting in meaningful way and it’s a beautiful thing to see. Just going off what I hear as a viewer; not a parent so not really much to offer just some positive feedback.

I just want to say I think you BOTH are amazing parents! Those girls are so lucky to have you BOTH! The fact that you all are even sitting down, discussing, reflecting, thinking about yourselves as parents & how things may impact them in the long run is is so admirable! I love how you both ended the video saying positive things about each other as parents as well.

Omg as a child/adolescent therapist, I wish the parents I worked with would be this open, but I also understand it isn’t that easy (as a parent). Two things I stress with parents are co-regulating emotions with your child and giving names to/defining emotions so your child learns to communicate their needs. Y’all are doing an awesome job! ❤❤

Having two kids with different temperaments has helped me have so much more empathy for kids that are more challenging and parents navigating parenting those kids.

Hi Shan and Jared! Have you looked into Conscious Discipline? If not, I encourage you to do so. I have taught pre-k for 11yrs and currently seeking my bachelor’s degree. I can tell you that it has helped with challenging children in my classroom. Start introducing emotions and vocabulary now so when she is three she can begin to express herself. Have you tried a safe place in the house somewhere. Teaching her breathing techniques. Giving her choices. Letting her lead with tasks that you suggest. Meet Ryu where she is. There is a video on here that names emotions I use. Tracey Moroney has a set of children’s books “When I’m Feeling…” that go through emotions. Teaching communication is key and Shan hinted at it when she asked “Why are you crying?” Ultimately you are doing great and don’t beat yourself up about it. There is no blueprint to parenting.

with peace and love, this video was great birth control. Glad y'all can find a way to appreciate her.

Love the reassurance/calmness Jared brought to this conversation. Mom guilt is real. You’re both doing a great job 🧡

Ryu mean dragon, no wonder!

The fact that you're both introspective, reflective, communicative, inquisitive and collaborative - is everything. I love that you both identified preserving your childs spirit, as a value! That is crucial. You're educating yourselves, flexible with techniques, doing your best and most importantly, reflection on whether or not you can improve. I'm reparenting myself so these videos are so insightful. Oh, you love to see good parenting, good partnership! ❤

As someone with ADHD that went undiagnoised it would be worth looking into!

I am a Ryu. Atleast thats what I've been told my whole life. I felt intensely and always believed what I believed based on how it felt (logic is second). I had constant temper tantrums, very frustrated, hated anyone else's routine (yet it actually worked overall). I however was raised with parents with vastly different parenting styles amid divorce. My mum even told me "this is your fault" because I was a more intense child. I grew up thinking I was a problem and eventually just took it on as who I was.... I'm the problem... I was eventually diagnosed with adhd and that made a lot of sense for myself (not saying this is Ryu). But in the end, I figured it out from getting help around me, as well as maturing into adulthood. I wish you guys the best of luck, kids like me just ultimately want to feel so loved and accepted by our family. Let her be adventurous, loud and proud, etc. But some how figure out how to mold those qualities into a great adult. Kids like us will be beyond grateful, you guys are fantastic parents.

First of all thank you both for sharing. What’s wrong with being wild? Nothing. Ryu, was me when i wss a child. As i grew in understanding what it takes to live myself it was up to me to accept my wild nature. The book The Women Who Run with the Wolves helped me recover and understand my wild nature. My mother, grandmother, and others tried to break me so that I could be more compatible with their broken ego selves. I’m finally accepting my nomadic, gypsy, and soulfully revolutionary self by embracing vanlife, having my own business, and forgiving my family for not knowing how to love a strong willed person.

This is so wholesome to hear. My parents had a tough time with me and they chose to be very strict. My parents treated me like a villain. As an adult I discovered that I have ADHD. I often wonder how different my socialization would’ve been if they’d been curious about me. They never took the time to see me as anything besides disobedient and willful. Even now they don’t believe that I’m neurodivergent, just lazy.

CONNECTION BEFORE CORRECTION!

I cannot begin to express how cathartic this was for me. I have a fiery daughter that has been like that since we brought her home from the hospital. And I’ve always been blamed for my gentle parenting. It’s glad to know I’m not alone and it is valuable to channel that energy instead of stifling it

I’m raising my amazing granddaughter. You could have been describing her when you described Ryu. I was resistant to labels(diagnosing) and saw her extreme intelligence so I didn’t think it was anything but personality. But slowly our life became limited in order to be able to “handle “ her outbursts. Now she is 5 and we finally had her assessed. We found out she has ASD (high functioning autism) SPD (sensory processing disorder) and possibly ADHD. We do not medicate but use a lot of therapists who do play therapy. This has greatly helped and I have learned so much by research that I have changed my approach to her so that she can thrive instead of trying to change her and her behaviors. It is challenging but her spunky behavior and intelligent humor and drive are so enjoyable and rewarding. Good luck as you both go forward. You can tell by your mutual respect and love toward each other that she is being raised in a great environment! You will find your groove with her eventually 😊 Best Wishes!

Social media can be triggering as well because you see kids sitting nicely, and having fun, or doing crafts and you think “my kid doesn’t act that way” or “I wish I could enjoy things like that with my child” and it brews a lot of resentment.

❤ Thank you for this video. I have a high needs child. It took SOOOO much changing myself to parent lovingly. She brought out the worse in me, but I intentionally change those worse parts to become better. So there’s that. I won’t have another child though.

I love Jared’s approach and perspective. He’s really protecting her fire and that’s so beautiful especially for a non-white little girl.

I feel like this needs to be “required” watching for every new parent. My son was a very “easy going” child. He threw one public tantrum and I just stood there and watched him. I asked if he was done and he stood up and said yes. The conversation was a bit longer but he realized that the behavior got him nowhere, so he never did it again. That’s my parenting experience. As a former social worker and someone who knows a lot of moms, I know I had a very unique experience. The communication between the two of you is incredible. Your openness and honestly is refreshingly healing. Thank you! I appreciate you both for your willingness to have the tough conversations. Be Well!

I absolutely LOVE the honesty and transparency that you two share!!! So inspiring!

This was one of my favorite videos of yours to watch. Seeing how you and Jared work together and communicate is so inspiring and beautiful to see. How you can have differing opinions and respect one another and inquire and listen and still laugh is so wholesome to see. I love the conversation around your children and their differences and personalities and how you talk about them as the individual people they are instead of the people you brought into this world and seek to control. This conversation is so so needed, helpful and healing. More of these please!! Love your work ❤

Oh man! This one hits home. Thank you guys for being super honest and sharing about the struggles!

I needed this conversation today. Resonated so much with this and blending your parenting style with the criticism of others. Balancing what is constructive and what is just plain intrusive. This is the type of content / conversations that need to reach the masses.

I absolutely love your outlook on parenting, and how you appreciate your girls for who they are and will support them in their individuality! The love you two have for them oozes out when you speak and it is SUCH a blessing to watch/hear. ❤️

This was so refreshing to listen to! Having a very emotionally intense 4 yr old and a very brave 1 year old , this discussion resonated so much with me as I try to embrace their uniqueness while I try not to lose my cool on the daily. Thank you!

I love HOW HONEST YA ALL ARE .... So many parents need to hear it

Im so glad you include topics on parenting. This is so relatable for others like myself who are struggling with how to navigate challenges that arise in parenthood.

Also.. they have different relationships with their parents because you have different personalities and that is great for them. I like how you balance each other out

As a professional that works with parents and families with children who have difficulties like Ryu…. and I can safely say that hearing you talk as parents and partners you’d be the DREAM family to work with!! ❤ your openness, love for each other, and love for your kids comes across strongly. I amplify the other comments suggesting a helpful diagnosis NOT because the label matters, but because it can connect you to resources, experts, professionals (like myself), therapies, other services, and support from other parents that go through the same thing! 🙏🏽 There are resources out there- check for your local Child Find or private evaluation by a neuropsychologist or a team of professionals. I especially LOVE that you noticed signs in Ryu since she was BORN. 🥹 The more you talk to other (caring) professionals the more validation you will get to confirm your parental instincts are right!

You guys are so brave for sharing a video on this topic! And honestly, you are both doing a great job. I think there are many new parenting styles developing and a part of society isn’t catching on yet or has simply chosen their set style. I understand how hard it can be, especially seeing Shan admit that she struggles with taking certain things personal. Ofcourse, you’re the momma bear! But also a mom who wants the damn best for her kids and KNOWS she’s putting in the work to do so.

Love this topic! Love Jared's energy about parenting, and his valuing Ryus independent spirit even though it makes things hard right now. I also definitely relate to not enjoying parenting when every little thing is a struggle.

I love how invested you both are in your children’s personalities. So often I see parents not understanding who there children are versus who they would like them to be a priority. Bravo

I am so appreciative of this conversion (amazing questions I’ll use later), especially with both parents sharing their POV -interesting how you’re on the same page but different insight. I have 2 kids of similar ages /temperaments and we practically have the same challenges. Lawd it’s hard but a little easier knowing we’re not alone. I’m constantly researching and trying different approaches too although I feel most challenged with my own impatience and learning not to take outbursts or defiance personally. Anyhoo, really enjoyed.

Shan, I'm glad you are doing the research and working on this with her at a young age. I'm in a facebook support group for parents of kids with ODD and I won't lie, its one of the saddest corners of the internet I've ever hung out. A lot of stress and heartbreak. I joined it to help support a kid in my life. As you mentioned it can really take over the entire family dynamic, so though you want to find the balance of not breaking her spirit, I think its wise to be proactive in finding ways to help her learn to regulate her emotions better at a young age.

I really love how far you guys have come in your relationship and how you guys are constantly growing together as parents. Such a great channel with amazing conversations.

Y’all are doing a great job, kudos to you and thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. Your parenting experiences are really insightful for future parents to be 😍

You are both so amazing. These are the exact questions every parent should ask.

I absolutely loved listening to this conversation! It felt so validating for me as a parent of two girls also! And my girls are exactly the same - my oldest being the explosive child and my youngest being the more quiet/non-trusting child. It was especially validating to hear how you can also struggle with liking this phase in your child’s life… and that I’m not the only one feeling “when this age ends…it’ll get easier”. One more thing… you guy’s ability to communicate sometimes differing experiences between you two in parenting so kindly is beautiful. My husband and I often struggle with that and if we’re not on the exact same page with the kids it can sometimes lead to a fight. It’s exhausting. More content like this please! And I’ll be sure to pick up the book you mentioned ❤️.

I love following your parenthood journey. It’s honest, real, and inspiring for someone who also did not want kids. Makes me look at this completely different should I decide to in the future.

I find it so interesting how I’m old videos, Shan and friends would refer to her as kind of robotic when it came to how she related to her emotions…Ryu got all of Shan’s necessary emotional relation lessons! 4:11

It's beautiful seeing how they balance each other; it's a benefit of having a two-parent household where the parents respect and love each other and communicate well.

Such a joy to hear you guys appreciate her uniqueness ❤❤❤

I watched this and cried, because I feel like this describes my 18 month old, and I finally feel like I'm not alone. My husband and I share similar feelings as you and Jared. Thank you for sharing your journey. ❤

Thank you for posting this! It’s so validating for those of us who do have an explosive child. I have an “easy” and a challenging child and people literally don’t understand who give you normal parenting advice. Mine is now 11. It does get better. They will continue to be challenging in different ways, but you get better and so do they overall. You got this!❤

Love this convo. Sounds like he’s looking at 3 approaches- adjusting based on the scenario, keeping a different approach reserved for when she gets older and understanding that peers can have more influence sometimes. Love Shan’s approach of reading/learning and navigating in new ways too.

Love that you are getting her to understand the language behind her big emotions. It’s important for her to know it is okay to have big emotions, but also, understanding why she’s upset can help her express them in adaptive and productive ways. Also, love that y’all changed her daycare too. Kids do learn socially from their peers. You both are on the right path towards supporting Ryu! Excited to see how your family grows over time.

Hey, I am in awe of how you guys are discussing this. We were parented in a different way than we are parenting and I am so glad to know that I am NOT ALONE in wanting to respond better, act better, just parent better!!

This is a great conversation. A reminder that each child is different and good parents deserve grace.

Hey Shan love the topic you chose to discuss! The challenges we face as parents shed a whole new light on our own self journey’s and the significance we embark on our children’s lives. Thank you guys for sharing

Appreciate your transparency. I’m sure this can’t be easy. My heart goes to your family especially the youngest baby. Hopefully she can enjoy her big sister instead of being in fear

No kids here, just an auntie - but I appreciated this open and honest convo (didnt expect anything less from you both). You are a fantastic team and I believe are handling these challenges well. If I can share something that personally has helped me - its a practice called "Name it to Tame it". Have you heard of this phrase before? It is a way of "naming" your emotions as they occur to get better understanding and ability to process and cope with them. It also triggers the prefrontal lobe (logical center) in your brain when you verbalize what you're feeling and it really does take the edge off. I encourage you to do some research on this practice if you havent ❤ Lots of love!! You guys are such an inspiration to me :)

I love you and Jared’s transparency! There is no right way to parent, seriously. My daughter was an excellent baby and toddler, but really struggled when starting school. I was so confused and frustrated because I felt like I did what I could to adequately prepare her for the transition, and she just did not take to it at all. I was getting calls almost daily at some points. A year later and she is almost a completely different child. As parents, we love to try and tie that progress to a specific action, method, or perspective. It’s all of it and sometimes it’s none of it. A child’s reality is not rational, no matter how much we try to force rationality on them. They are learning and growing, and we have to extend grace and patience to them. Keep trying things. Keep an open mind. So much of what works is just a commitment to support and the child maturing. Y’all are doing amazing!

Shan, this video is so relevant to me right now. I was having this convo with my partner earlier today, I was going to have it again with a friend tonight but here I find this video. After an afternoon with my toddler protesting her swim lessons (again) while all her friends followed the instructor. For her age she’s great at all of the swimming skills but refuses to participate in groups and goes against the grain in every way possible. It’s hard for me to even complain because she’s so smart and so talented but also SO resistant to everything. I feel like I’m in strategic physiological warfare all day. This behavior isn’t common with her peers from what I’ve observed but she also very advanced in other areas. I can relate to this as an adult and it can make life harder for me but also very rewarding. Being rebellious and strong willed. We had to let go of our nanny recently because she was very plan A with no flexibility and considered this a behavior issue. I do see the value in plan A when absolutely necessary and all else fails, I just don’t want it to be the first or recurring approach. It’s the delicate balance and dance to stay close to your values but also listen to yourself and respect your boundaries as an individual. I think we learn who we are as parents along the way and how much we are going to fall into each category. It would have been easier to simply fit in a single box (option) to begin with but nothing in life is that simple 🤔 You said something monumental here. It’s not changing her behavior, it’s changing your attitude towards the behavior. You are giving control back to them, and the opportunity to make the right choice. While they are still young enough to learn from their mistakes in a safe environment. Better now than later in adult life when the stakes are higher. I’m still amazed by how beautiful and awesome it is to watch this process of life, molding like clay in front of my eyes. To see how someone comes to be. And how they always were and will be. Also thank you for being so honest and authentic with your feelings in this video. I think the conversation only allows us to be better parents because it’s giving us the opportunity to problem solve and just be the best we can be every day. Talking about it is half way to the solution 💥

While I appreciate the transparency, I couldn’t help but think about how Ryu may feel one day watching this video. I don’t know if I would’ve liked my parents sharing all of my challenging traits when I was a child.

I genuinely needed to hear this because I definitely have a challenging son, and I felt so much mom guilt because I wasn’t enjoying parenting as much as I know I can. Thank you!

Great job Shan and Jared with Ryu... it's 💯 % her personality! She is who she is. You 2 are absolutely gorgeous and ✨✨✨ together.

Woah this was good. Thanks for being so transparent and open.

You guys are so good at talking about the "not so glamourous" topics that people would usually want to sweep under the rug and act as if they don't exist. I can't even begin to imagine what it must take to be so transparent about topics that are so close to home with the public and also knowing that oneday Ryu might watch this. You guys are doing a great job

This is a very holistic approach, conversations around parenting challenges are so important. Good Job shan and Jared! keep growing and learning you are doing the best you can!

I loved this honest conversation. Thanks for letting us sit in!💗

i will say, i was a difficult child. i threw tantrums and cried and argued. i don’t remember it. but i know i did it, because the adults around me brought it up all. the. time. as i grew up. i still hear about my royal tantrums to this day. now i can appreciate it as something funny, but when you hear that at 7, 8, 9, or 13, 14, 15 you really internalize that as having been a burden and a problem from birth. i frequently think about how i was a “sad” or “anxious” baby. i don’t know if i would have that narrative about my mental health struggles starting from day 1, if the people around me hadn’t given me that message. different or challenge is not bad or wrong. that was lost on my immature brain. i truly felt i was a bad person for having intense feelings. i still feel that, actually. but i think the messages i received as a young child reenforced that.

As a teacher the conversations you are having are amazing. Asking and giving her options to choose to help express her feelings is exactly what you should do. Also to help with tantrums visual timers to help teach transitions, pictures with a schedule so she can see oh after we play we brush our teeth or go eat. This will help her understand time passing. You are both doing a phenomenal job and I love that you are sharing this!

this convo is so eye opening and made me actually reflect on my own parents and their struggles of being adaptable to different temperaments and personalities. I also have a nephew who is hyper active, so engaged and fun and also very sensitive and throws continuous tantrums. My mom who is authoritarian in her parenting style, saw it as him not being disciplined enough by my sister, when really he needs a more nuanced approach. When he's reasoned with and talked to and validated emotionally, he calms down (he's also 5 now so he can speak which helps). All that to say, thank you for being so open and sharing insights that can help folks in a number of ways whether they are parents or not!

I absolutely love this conversation, because our 2yo son is exactly like this and we have this conversation on a daily base. And Plan B is absolutely working for me, my partner is still trying to adjust to it, but we notice a massive change in behaviour. I grew up as a Plan A child and now I know our son needs to feel the control and respect to be able to thrive in his adult life. I read the other day, kids deserve child-like expectations and adult-like respect. That really hit me differently. I love the way strong willed kids can just walk off on their parents confidently. This means that we show them that we're always there for them and that they trust us being there and trusting them. Thanks for having these transparent conversations!

Shan as one mother to another with a testing child THANK YOU. I feel so seen in this video. It makes all the difference knowing we’re not in it alone.

It’s always connection > correction. You guys are amazing parents for even having this conversation. I love how after Shan shifted her approach to her in those moments that Ryu was finally able to express why she was upset! That must’ve felt amazing. And you’re totally right. Whatever makes you feel like a confident, calm and connected parent is great.

What an amazing chat!!!! Absolutely, love this

The beautiful thing about your parenting dynamic is the shared end goal. Shan asking Ryu the questions NOW lays builds the foundation for Ryu to learn her emotions. It will improve her emotional intelligence so that IN THE FUTURE she can better regulate when Jared has the conversations with her. You guys are doing a wonderful job

So raw and vulnerable!!❤❤ thank you for this video!!!

This stuff matters. As a child who felt the need to silence themselves due to a chaotic environment that didn't prioritize self expression, this stuff runs deep in a child and they subconsciously learn to change themselves. Amazing work, kudos to being loving parents who want the best for their children.❤

Great watch. Thank you.

The wayyyy you advocate for your bby. That was so beautiful. The world is absolutely not suited ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

I dont have any kids and probably wont have any, but i really enjoyed this conversation. Thank you for sharing. Hope it gets easier. Sending good vibes. ❤❤❤

I love that you are very clear that you don’t want to break her spirit. You don’t want to make her a compliant person just to “keep the peace” for your own sake. You can handle her as she is, take the embarrassment in public because the bigger goal is preserving her. You can see the greatness that could come from this if you don’t break her spirit. I love that Jared is like whatever, we can handle this. It will be easier when she can talk more. And Shan is noticing she is capable of naming her emotions. And maybe that will help. Y’all are an inspiration to me. And getting me even more excited to become a parent.

Aries child. Nuff said. Don't even think of changing her. It will cause permanent trauma. She needs to know she's loved and accepted exactly the way she is. I didn't have that as a kid and know how it feels. And here I am, in my late 40's mourning my lost child in me, that was rarely accepted by the closest ones.