People do not easily give up their right to make decisions about their own lives. But some people are so micromanaged by their partners that they can hardly remember what it’s like to make decisions freely for themselves
Controlling people often assert power by micromanaging their partners’ everyday lives. An abuser might restrict his partner’s food and activities and come up with a detailed schedule of what she should do with her time. He (or she)* might govern how his partner expresses her emotions, what she watches on television, and which sites she visits on the internet. He might require her to stop talking to the cat, to sleep on her back, or to fold her clothes a certain way. Each day, he might decide what clothes she will wear and require rituals related to hygiene, exercise, or beauty. He may say he is doing all this because he “cares about her” and “wants her to be her best.” Implied in each one of the demands is the assertion, “If you do not do what I say, I will punish you.”
People who are victimized try to comply to avoid uncomfortable or dangerous conflicts. This compliance reduces conflict in the short term but contributes to a victim’s long-term isolation and a sense of being smothered.
An abuser might require that his partner put food into the shopping cart or cabinets in a certain way. He may demand that she iron his socks and underwear or attend to household chores on an inflexible schedule, even when she is ill.
This extreme behavior is different from a situation where the man is simply rigid and overly particular. In coercive control, the abuser’s expectations become demands that the partner must fulfill with little regard to her own preferences or well-being-and she faces consequences for disappointing him.
How Micromanaging Can Destroy Trust in a Relationship
Micromanagement can erode trust in a relationship because it is a form of controlling behavior. When one partner feels like they do not have the freedom to make their own decisions, it can manifest in feelings of resentment and distrust. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and when it is compromised, it can be difficult to rebuild. The more someone micromanages their partner, the more difficult it becomes to trust them. Their partner may begin to feel like they are not seen as an equal, which can ultimately lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
In addition, micromanaging can also lead to a lack of communication and understanding between partners. When one partner is constantly being told what to do and how to do it, they may become hesitant to share their own thoughts and ideas. This can create a power imbalance in the relationship, where one partner feels like they have all the control and the other feels powerless. Over time, this can lead to a breakdown in communication and a lack of emotional connection between partners.
Signs You’re Being Micromanaged in Your Relationship
Being micromanaged in a relationship can be difficult to recognize, especially if it has become a habitual behavior. However, there are signs that you are being micromanaged by your partner. These signs can include criticism over even the smallest details, making decisions without your consent, or becoming overly emotional or aggressive when things do not go according to plan.
Understanding the Roots of Micromanaging Behavior in Relationships
Micromanagement behavior in a relationship often has its roots in personal history. Someone who has experienced a lack of control in their past may be more inclined to exert control in their current relationships. The need to control can stem from feelings of anxiety, fear of failure or uncertainty, or the desire to achieve perfection.
The Connection Between Low Self-Esteem and Micromanagement in Relationships
Micromanagement can often be connected to low self-esteem. If one partner feels inferior to the other, they may try to exert control over the situation to feel more powerful. This control can manifest in micromanagement, leading to the reinforcement of feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Recognizing the impact of micromanagement on one’s own personal well-being is crucial to overcoming this destructive behavior.
Furthermore, micromanagement can also lead to resentment and frustration in the other partner, causing strain on the relationship. The constant need for control can create a power dynamic that is unhealthy and can lead to a lack of trust and communication.
It is important for both partners to address the underlying issues that may be contributing to the micromanagement. This can involve seeking therapy or counseling to work through any self-esteem or trust issues. Learning to communicate effectively and trust each other can help to break the cycle of micromanagement and create a healthier, more fulfilling relationship