One thing that really hit me as a trans woman is the being read as a danger. This is one of the things that makes me the most dysphoric, because being read as a danger is something that I hate. I hate it while walking down the street, I hate it when going through emotional issues, and I feel like it makes me hate myself. You are so right on why it is so easy to radicalize adolescent boys, I know that throughout middle school I was dangerously close to jumping into antifeminism in part because it is ingrained in the culture, but also because I remember thinking about how awful it was to be a boy. I now realize that was dysphoria, but I'm 9 years in the future now. I remember it being so frustrating hearing about how boys and men have more privilidge, because in my mind a boy/man was the last thing I wanted to be. This was a very good video and I think it handled this topic extremely well.

As someone with Autism, the anger problem comes out in weird ways, in that, even when I'm frustrated with someone else, my impulse is to hurt myself, as much as I can. Usually it's banging my head on the nearest flat surface. When people saw me as female (and some still do) they always react with derision, annoyance and patronisation. Generally, I would wish for people to see my anger as dangerous, because then they would take it seriously, and think I had a real problem, rather than just pooh pooing it as not a big deal. Unfortunately that's not how it turned out; as you said, being treated like a dangerous animal is just as bad, and when I don't understand how my brain is working, I have to scramble to work it all out, which then just usually leads to my getting frustrated that I have to work so much harder to unravel social cues than neurotypical people that presumably are better at that than me. I get that it's part of my full time job to act as neurotypical as I can to avoid confusing and hurting others, but it does get tiring sometimes. Sorry for venting.

"The thing about feelings is, they don't care about facts" 🙌🙌🙌

You got me addicted to Dorian Electra and I’ve never clicked on a new video faster

this hit so close to home for me. my last relationship was with a trans guy who got angry pretty often and it was ultimately what broke us up. i have a lot of trauma surrounding anger and i was the one in the "flinching" position every time he got heated. i've also noticed how when i get passionate now and i'm perceived as male, women around me close up, and i'm trying my best to analyze my tone and my posture to prevent that, but it is tough. thank you for making this

I am a black man. I bottle up my emotions because black male rage scares everyone. Including other men. Especially white men. My anger gets used to judge my intellectual inferiority or to justify any brutality used against me. My anger becomes channeled into my depression, which doesn't need anymore help.

I’m a cis woman and I’ve been experiencing some weird anger lately so hearing you talk about how to deal with anger in the moment was very very helpful

Pre-T I punched walls and threw desks, but I'm over 1 year on T and now I'm a cry baby. However, most people don't know that and when I expess negative emotions, people often precieved as anger, up until the point I start crying.

In my experience (as a transsexual guy) my anger has always been destructive. Pre-coming out I would often get violent when I was angry, and end up physically hurting my close friends as a result. When I got upset I never wanted to cry, I got angry. I really wanted to be seen as intimidating and as a danger. Looking back I probably had an inferiority complex. But weirdly the more I transition the less destructive my anger gets.

I live with a mood disorder, that often makes it so that my emotions get exaggerated to a catastrophic level (at least that's one way I see it and explain it). Having to deal with extreme emotional pain means I've learned and been taught a few things about mindfulness and urge surfing. I love the dog and kennel metaphor and it reminds me of a metaphor that I use for myself often. If I have very painful intense emotions suddenly emerge, I try to imagine myself inviting them in for dinner. Like if a grumpy neighbor was slamming at my door and started screaming at me and acting very hostile when I open the door, I just greet him, and say that dinner's ready and ask him to join me. Then we sit down and he (aka the emotions) is allowed to exist in me, and he may keep shouting, but as dinner goes on he perhaps loses some steam or gets it all out and has calmed down, and when "dinner" is over I promptly thank the guest and show him the door. Even if hes leaving just as angry, I still managed to distract him the whole time and he wasnt able to cause any harm before leaving. I think it's my way of "opening the bottle on purpose". Thank you for another great video Postscript edit: and as a cis woman in her mid 20's, I do sometimes recognize my unconcious fear responses (I think ill notice them even more after watching this) particularly towards angry men. I absolutely can see how unfair it may feel especially to a partner to have someone retreat in fear when they are hurting, but Youre right, boys are taught to either break stuff, or confront the person they're angry at and "fight it out" as a way of resolving conflict, so it's not so much intimidating physical stature as it is inherent knowledge of how masculine anger manifests itself in our society. Women can also be dangerous and destructive, but it's often more about psychological warfare and its drawn out over time. And to be frank, it's much harder to see coming by design. However, even though I recognize how my withdrawal from angry men is prejudiced and often unfair, honestly I'm not planning on ignoring my gut any time soon, I think if I'm not completely sure about a person, I will always do what I usually do which is be supportive at a distance. I've had too many women who are survivors of assault tell me that the one thing they regret was ignoring their intuition, trying to be open minded and not jump to a conclusion that the situation was dangerous. If I get to choose between possibly hurting a guy's feelings and possibly ending up in a hospital, I'm going to pick the former. I think that's one of the reasons it's so important and relieving to me when guys in my life do that little 3-part explanation or be comfortable enough to actually show emotions/cry in front of me etc, it helps my gut calibrate and tell me that I can let my guard down.

I loved that "feelings don't care about the facts" moment, that was a great line. I'm six months on testosterone myself right now, and I've had a very different experience; my anger and my emotions generally have calmed down a lot, and I generally get less sad and less upset. It is a little weird, as it's so much harder for me to cry (like physically harder) so sometimes even when I am really upset I can't have the release of crying, which is strange. I still don't get read as male, but I've spent the last several months thinking through my responsibilities as a man when I do pass-- how I can make sure those around me feel safe, how I can be a model of masculinity for cis and trans friends alike, and how I can avoid the toxic elements of manhood often presented to us by society. I think this video has a lot of great advice on that subject, and while I hope that I won't feel the type of aggression you've discussed, I'm glad to have heard about your experiences. Thank you Dylan!

My father is an alcoholic who bottles up his anger until all hell breaks lose, this is what he inadvertently taught me as a child. I now have quite a habit of bottling up my emotions myself, but not for the sake of my ego or addictions as my dad does, but for the sake of not hurting others, because I have seen and felt the rage my dad puts on my family and me, and I don't wanna be that monster. Your video taught lessons I would have never learned as a man and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you for speaking up about a topic that I think everybody's afraid to discuss publicly. Personally, as an angry crier, I constantly feel like my anger is dismissed as me being hysterical when my concerns are legitimate, which feeds into my frustration, which just makes me cry more-- it's a vicious cycle and one I dread every time I feel myself getting upset. I've heard the same horror stories about T making you more aggressive, and while part of me is understandably put off at being seen as confrontational or threatening, another part of me feels... a little relieved at the possibility of being less humiliated? Being treated as dangerous, even though it's toxic and logically I know I'd feel devastated in the moment, is at the very least a change of pace from being treated like a child. I never considered before that a shift in how people perceive me would also prompt a change in how they'd perceive my anger, and it's a sobering thought. You've definitely given me a lot to think about with regard to my relationship with anger, and I appreciate it more than you know.

I remember the first time my anger was perceived as legitimately threatening. I was in high school trying to argue some bureaucracy with an office worker and she became frightened of me. At first I was really confused and hurt but it clicked with me eventually that I was becoming an adult and other adults will find me threatening now depending on how I behave.

Also, it's important to note that T doesn't inherently make people angry, and cis men don't experience anger differently to cis women biologically. Any difference you see is societal. It's normal to get more angry while going through puberty, which is what happens when you go on hrt. I think the aspects you talked about affect the way men and women have to process that anger. I am a pre-T trans guy and I got really angry during my estrogen puberty. I was once angry for 3 days straight and couldn't sleep because I was so angry. I've broken many things as a teen and hurt myself as well. However, being raised as a girl I had to adapt some management techniques such as writing in my diary or drawing. If I was raised as a boy, maybe they wouldn't have been options for me as it's not seen as "cool" for a boy to write in a diary about emotions. It's not good that society genders these emotions, as it makes it harder for some people to find how to manage them effectively.

actually, I'm an afab person, not on T, but I experience very intense anger and aggression, so thanks for the video, it might be helpful to me

Getting ready to get my mind blown once again. God I love how stupid you make me feel. The good kind of stupid. Like an empty bottle that is waiting to get filled up with those sweet, sweet nuanced arguments of yours, just so I can have everyone I talk to in the next few months sip the knowledge water. Sorry for the terrible metaphore. I'm excited.

As someone who has grown up cis male, anger and how I respond to it has been probably the most important struggle of my self growth. Maybe this will sound dumb, but I've never not been on T so I cannot definitively say whether or not that is the cause. However, i would say that the problem pretty much started to present itself during pubert. Things thankfully are slowing down as I transition into adulthood. Personally I think that testosterone doescause a highetened anger response, but I would say thats not necessarily the problem. As you said, it is how masculine anger is portrayed in our culture that is the problem. We are taught from an early age to either suppress our anger completely or use it as a destructive force. I would say this is one of the most toxic things about male culture. Were taught that almost all negative emotional states are supposed to be responded to with anger. It has the very real potential to harm others and prevents us from really examining are true emotions and understand ourselves. Anger is not the problem, the default responses we are presented with are the problem. Rejecting your emotions is the problem. I've found a lot of success in giving myself time to examine my anger and understanding where it is coming from and whether or not what I'm feeling is actually anger or something else like sadness or fear. Its vitaly important to express your anger, but in a calm and constructive manner. Respectful communication is necessary. Smashing things and screaming are just an awful feedback loop that make things worse. I think it's also important to acknowledge that the anger you feel is only one side of a situation and other people should be given their space to express their feelings. The other thing I find hard is that often times you can get addicted and actually enjoy the feeling of being angry. It can make you feel sort of powerful, you know? Falsely makes you feel in control or like your perspective is the only correct one. And that's a terrible nature about anger and something I try to constantly keep a handle on. Anyway, those are my thoughts and the things I'm working towards. I'd like to hear your take on it.

Dunno if this is an interesting perspective or not, but here goes. I'm a cis bi guy from NZ, and have never had an 'anger' talk. I have always thought I have emotional problems, mental health issues, and I really identified with your comments on expressing anger and bottling up, something that I really get. But the more interesting thing I want to add to the conversation about this is how I've experienced dating as a Bi guy. When dating in 'cis' environments when I thought I was straight, there was a real pressure to emotionally 'under control' that, when I went on my first (and still only, not a great time for this whole thing rn) date with a guy, I can't say I feel the same pressure. Between to men who, lets be honest aren't entirely attached to 'masculinity', I felt more open to express emotions before they build up. I've always suspected my preference for men as a bi guy was in part related to a lack of gender role expectations in that environment, rather than a wholly orientation-based preference. I can definately identify that when being a 'straight' guy and feminist, dating was about navigating gender roles to be polite, while also attempting to deconstruct them, while my mlm relationships are much freer, I can be myself genuinely in a way I felt I couldn't. Anyway, that's my perspective.

It's interesting (although sad) to see the way an (also transmasc) ex partner's anger and mine played off each other. We both had bad and traumatic experiences with male anger, but it was new to both of us to have our own anger experienced as male anger. We didn't express anger towards each other, but just expressing anger or frustration around each other got very difficult, and that's part of why we broke up.

Excellent video, as always! I’m a cis woman but I used to have some mild anger issues in my teenage years due to developing anxiety and eventually depression. So, I had hormonal problems, just with different hormones. Nowadays I feel unable to express any anger I feel towards people because I don’t want to be seen as a hassle (plus there’s the ‘angry feminist’ stereotype that would be made worse by me be overweight and bisexual). I feel the need to act like a perfect little angel who’s full of sympathy for everyone, but I also feel a pressure to break out of that stereotype and be strong and tough. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to expressing my emotions.

I don't believe that testosterone causes any anger you don't already have. Anxiety often translates into anger-- not just on T, I experienced first hand pre-transition that panic attacks often translate to the desire to lash out. But studies don't show any links between testosterone levels and aggression. They do, however, show a link between testosterone and status seeking behaviour. Societally, we tend to reward aggression with status. It makes sense that when you're anxious, you feel at your most powerless-- and displays of anger can make you feel more in control. Ultimately, feeling anger is not the same as acting aggressively. The feeling is natural, the decision to act upon it is a choice. You aren't going to become a monster because you chose not to be one.

This video is kind of an eye opener for me. I mean, I always knew that men struggle with expressing anger specifically, but you described my husband when he's stressed. It makes him feel bad when I flinch, and thus makes him clam up because he thinks I am afraid of him. I found it very helpful to tell him that I am not afraid of HIM, just the sudden bursts. I usually have to tell him a few times that it's okay to complain. I encourage him to open up, even if he tries to label it as "bitching". I try to correct the self deprecating language. ("It's not bitching. You are clearly bothered by this.") He apologizes when he cries, and I've taken it upon myself to hug him every time he needs a good cry. I'm showing him this video so he knows he's not alone.

this is too real. most of the world is not ready for this conversation. Thank you for starting it

T actually made me less angry than before, but i find that having a deep voice makes me sound a lot more intimidating than before (even to myself!) and ive become a lot more soft spoken and never shout to avoid intimidating anyone. i related so much to when you mentioned that when the emotions do come out theres been so much bottled up that its hard to know what exactly the emotions or reasons for them are. ive experienced that a lot since transitioning and been so frustrated with my inability to communicate my emotions so that was kind of a lightbulb moment for me. thanks for the great video as always!

This is, and I'm serious, one of the most important videos I've seen in recent times, for so many reasons. Thank you for articulating this so well.

This was a really interesting video, thank you for sharing. I think as trans people we're sometimes in quite a unique place of being able to see different perspectives on these things and I really appreciate being able to hear from a trans man with different experiences to my own. (Just a heads up this comment ended up being really long haha, sorry! Don't feel obliged to read it, it's just stuff that I got thinking about while watching this video) I'm trans-femme, and I've found that understanding my emotions has been a really big part of transition. Not just personally, but in terms of changing the expectations people have of me. I think that for some of my close friends and family, seeing that I was processing and handling my emotions differently has been quite an important part of them 'understanding' my gender, if that makes sense. Being able to openly and honestly talk about and express my emotions has for sure changed peoples perceptions of me. I very rarely expressed anger before coming out. I think this was for two reasons. Firstly, even when I was presenting male I was very small and a bit of a wuss, to be blunt. Expressing anger was more likely to invite aggression or ridicule, so I didn't around peers. But moreover, I hated how it made people treat me differently. I don't know if people really did see me as a threat in the way you describe, but they for sure did treat me as though I was. I expect you are right; even though I wasn't threatening, they were taught that this is how you treat angry boys/men. So I just never expressed it, it made me feel what I now recognise as dysphoria. Anger was just another one of the feelings I bottled up, and when the bottle overflowed it would come out as panic attacks. I would get them several times a day. I went through a lot of therapy recently. My therapist helped my understand that I had numbed myself to all emotions, pushed them all down. So while exploring that and unpicking it all, I found a whole load of anger that I'd previously ignored. Mainly around gender; why was I born in a body I hate? Why did people treat me so badly when they thought I was a boy? Why was I denied expressing my gender when I was young? There were other emotions there like sadness or grief, but there was a lot of anger. My therapist told me it was okay to express that, even if it was destructive. She told me I should take a second to ask; 'Does expressing my anger in this way hurt anybody else?' and if it doesn't, it was probably okay to do if I needed to. She said that it's okay to sometimes break something or slam a door if you take that second to check it's safe to do so first. She told me that as I'm processing these emotions, I should allow myself to express them if I needed to. So I took that advice on board. Sometime later I was feeling really hurt about everything and it got on top of me. I was acting kind of moody and my partner snapped at me for it, if memory serves. I explained to her that I was feeling upset about my past, and it was making me really angry. I can't remember why, but we argued and she went upstairs. I did what my therapist told me; I recognised I needed to let some of this anger out, I asked myself what would be a safe way to do that, and I kicked a wall a few times. It hurt and I felt dumb. But it worked and I felt happy that I'd allowed myself to express how I was feeling a bit. I went upstairs to talk to my partner so we could make up and move on with the day. She was crying and really upset. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she was scared of me. She had heard me kick the wall and it made her feel scared, as though I was going to hurt her. I was absolutely heartbroken, as I obviously wouldn't. I felt so upset that taking the advice of my therapist had ended up hurting someone close to me. We spoke for a while and I explained why I kicked the wall, and what the therapist had said, and now I think we understand each other better. Anyway the reason I mentioned that story is that I think it really highlights what you are talking about. It was being brought up with others assuming I was a guy that lead to me suppressing my emotions. I think the reason I suppressed my feelings is dysphoria; the socially accepted way for men to express emotions is anger, but I wasn't male and so people treating me that way was profoundly uncomfortable. But if I cried, I'd be ridiculed and bullied. As I started learning to express my emotions again, it made people around me uncomfortable. Even though I am not a man, and posed no risk to my partner, she still had that knee-jerk autopilot response to my anger. I know she doesn't see me as a man - it was just that ingrained, some part of her felt in danger being around an amab person who was angry. I can only speak of trans-femme experiences really, but navigating emotional expression as a trans person is a minefield. I often feel stuck, as though I am not allowed the normal range of emotional expression that most people have.

Just want to let you know that I was in the middle of an argument with my husband when I watched your video, and your video helped me process my anger and express it in a healthy way.

hi i just learned about your channel, and this video about angry men is really powerful. i find your perspective and your approach to working with anger assuring and genuinely helpful. im a cis guy and ive had problems with anger. and very recently i did something horrible because of my anger and frustration. that medium quote you displayed really got what i think was happening, especially since my anger spilled out past just raising my voice. i also feel like i cant expeess myself and feel rejected. ive never had a good conversation with any father figure about my emotional baggage because ive always felt ashamed of how i am when im angry. and hearing how most cis men deal with it was troubling. so when i heard you talk about bottling emotions and not understand the emotions you have, i started to cry. those were those words i wanted to say when i felt so angry. and i wish i had seen this video before any of my past mistakes. thank you for making this video. this really meant a lot to me.

I grew up in an abusive household so I tend to yell, slam doors, and stomp when I’m angry. I also shut down when I’m angry because I got reprimanded for being angry all the time. I think it’s very interesting how different people express their anger based on their experiences and how others react to them. In my experience being perceived as a black woman means you’re not allowed to be angry but I’ve kinda rejected that as long as I’m angry for a good reason. All anger is natural and acceptable but whether I decide to lean into my anger depends on what I’m angry about. Nothing wrong with a good rant.

As a pre everything trans woman, this just hits so close to me. Sadly I do occasionally get bursts of anger, and this destroying things part is the worst of it. When I get overwhelmed with frustration due to an unfair situation where I feel trapped, I let my feelings out as destructive urges, ranging from minor vandalism to destroying things in my room. Thankfully I've never hurt anyone around me, but that being perceived as danger is something I always feel. It also makes me feel embarrased, like a child throwing a tantrum. On top of this, I feel like I can barely experience other emotions, as if my stats were unevenly allocated in an RPG and anger got all the points. Thank you for the video, I found it really great and useful.

I recently found your videos and love them! I wish you the best with your hysterectomy and the challenge that is living in current year. The "feelings don't care about facts" line was great and unfortunately very true. It's difficult to reason your way out of a blind rage but preemptively thinking of ways to decompress and manage anger can be quite helpful

I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD. (Translation: thank you so much for the top tier content) Personally, I'm a very angry person, even though I'm not on testosterone, so I'm afraid I'll actually hurt someone other than me once I start it, because I have committed self harm to control my destructiveness before and maybe on T self harm just won't be enough anymore.

Being AMAB but growing up increasingly non-binary and hopping between political climates, I've had to navigate a lot of differing expectations/reactions to when I'm demonstrably frustrated/angry. Despite my identity and lifestyle, I'm still often percieved as a man to varying degrees in varying context, even by close folks/loved ones. It's really affirming to hear the approach I've developed over time is so similar to yours. The emphasis on conveying my headspace and intentions to allay fears has helped me greatly. I've become much more confident and effective in my ability to express those emotions without igniting the sensations of toxic male anger. It's super refreshing to hear about the expectations of masculinity placed on trans men. Thanks a bunch for sharing your experience Dillon, and I'm glad to see you're back.

I'm a cis guy. I never had any "anger talk". My family is weird though. We all refuse to get angry day to day, but every 3-4 months we'll have a HUGE fight and avoid each other for a week afterwards. Besides that, I only really get angry with myself. But maybe I've just been conditioned really well to control my rage. Fantastic Video!!!!! As always!! ♥️🚀

Trans woman temporarily off her hormones here. I grew up with an aggressive, narcissistic dad, and I wasn't able to control my anger until I was on estrogen. I've done a lot of self crit in the beginning of my transition, and seemed to have everything under control until I went off my E. I'm in a weird situation where I have that male aggression, which is extra right now since my hormones are still fluctuating, but I present female and am mostly still read as female. This video was literally the best thing for autoplay to randomly select for me, now of all time, so thanks for making it!

I’m a semi-cis gay man. Identifying and expressing one’s emotions in realtime really spoke to me. I relentlessly introspect and externalize my emotions as a self defense mechanism, with arms held stiffly at my sides, shoulders lowered, pointedly minimizing my physical presence. I’m even cagey about eye contact when angry, and try to modulate my glare so it’s not to confrontational. But even then, my presentation can easily overwhelm the people in my life, because I’m still speaking in anger. I constantly see myself as “the problem” or “a monster” in these situations… for better or worse a lot of my validation is external, so when people respond to me by focusing on my behavior and not my concerns, I believe them. It’s painful and isolating, and I often feel like the support I need evaporates right when I need it most. Thanks for your thoughts. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying your videos, and hope you keep making them.

I didn’t get any more angry or violent after I started t, at all, in fact as other people said in the comments my emotions also kind of levelled down, became less sharp in intensity. I feel so much more balanced now- it might be because for me emotional outbursts, both of anger and sadness, were (not always but) often related to menstruation and pms. BUT Ironically, even though I get angry way less often, the few times I do lash out people always blame it on the hormones. Even those people who don’t say it explicitly, who I always know have seen me as a man, even before t, react differently now which makes me think that they too are thinking it’s testosterone’s fault when I get angry or even just a little sassy. And it’s not any physical change I think; I’m 5’2 and a skinny little twig, my voice is lower but not nearly as low as your average cis man, I’m effemminate as hell and “masculine” is a word no one would ever think of when looking at me. And yet. The perception of me has changed. So I do think that this connection between t and anger is, at least to some extent, tied to some sort of preconceived notion about trans men and anger/male aggression/toxic masculinity. Anyway sorry for the novel Thank you for your in depth analysis it’s so good to see your videos back :)

Hi Dylan! I have a mentor figure who encouraged me to free-write/ journal my feelings. No one gets to see my feelings notebook, ever. It's mine. And I get to let my thoughts out on paper. No censoring myself or tempering my judgments. I just let it out on the page. Always beginning my sentences with "I judge that....." because it reminds me that my perspective is subjective, it's my flexible experience of events. It reminds me that my judgments are not law. They are just my judgments of the situation. I might even be wrong. Yet, I'm allowed to feel things in the moment, even if my judgments turn out to be incorrect. It keeps me open-minded to possibilities. (Example: "I judge that they're a fucking piece of shit, etc. Fuck this, fuck that!" I've even been able to do this in public without drawing attention. Usually, when I let it out this way, I come around to a more calm nature. This is applicable to any feeling though, not just anger. You can check-in with yourself about anything. (example: "I'm checking with joy about the good day I'm having. I love the feeling of taking a walk in the spring." or "I'm feeling sad because I had a bad day. I lost my favorite shirt." Whatever the case may be.) Point is, it gives a voice to those feelings so you don't have to repress them all the time. And no one will be a better listener or more understanding than you can be. You will find what you need and even give it to yourself. I encourage you to try it! Hope this is useful for you! Great videos!

I am so greatful to you for making this video, i was lucky enough to be born with a male body, so i have experienced a lot of this, but i think a lot of the feelings and anger i felt in my youth and still feel today is being left unanalyzed, and seeing a man be able to process this for the first time and listening to you talk about it makes me feel much better about it. It doesnt get talked about enough amongst men, and so i think a lot of us develope this fear of ourselves, that we are dangerous and violent and have to keep ourselves caged up. This turned into a bit of a ramble, but my point is, thank you for talking about this, you have no idea how much it helped to hear this right now.

It's really interesting to see your perspective. Myself being a trans woman, I experienced a lot of the opposite things. Almost no violent urges anymore, more vivid emotions with less anger, and now that everyone sees me as a woman everyone is like "oh are you ok! What's wrong dear?" It makes me sort of suspicious of people because I'm not used to being cared for in that way. Although the objectification is something I'm getting used to, it was really a culture shock.

Great video man. Gives me hope that all of us can be more open about our emotions. Keep up the good work and good luck with the surgery

i personally didnt notice any more anger on T even when i had T levels that were too high, but ive struggled with anger issues since i started estrogen puberty so ive not had normal anger for a long time

To anyone fearing that feeling will never go away... I'm afab with an amab partner and I'm never scared when they're angry. I'm afraid of men but not my bae. When they're upset, I'm able to do what I need to soothe them without needing to soothe myself first. They've talked about what they need in their moments of anxiety or frustration or rage and I'm comfortable ebough around them when they're passionate to focus on that.

Thanks fer this. Im an enby who can never tell whether if im gunna kyle out or cry it out.

HEWWO DYWAN oh god. "when im perceived as a girl, people ask me whats wrong. when im perceived as a boy, people keep their distance." this is what lost me friends. as soon as they started perceiving me, a Nonbinary person, as a masculine entity, which i dont want to be seen as, they wouldnt engage with me anymore. it was a one way road. i couldnt understand them and they WOULDNT understand me. i would have had to make huge concessions to appease so much all because part of my transition involves being on T for a while. i notice the same tendancies, both in other people And in myself. unfortunately its made me rather unsympathetic towards people who have a gendered bias towards my voice. my voice is not a mans voice. i am not a man. and i'm offended that people perceive it as such, so when people react by becoming quiet, my Really Quite Bad response is to get More Upset that they aren't treating me like an equal. They're putting me in a place of privilege that is completely absent my person. I have to and often struggle to do this with trans men and masculine sounding people as well, shaping my view that it's a personal problem, and not something i have as much control over as people tell me. This Shannon Page lady is talkin real shit. If i'm not allowed to have angry intonations because someone else is going to have adverse reactions, its going to give ME adverse reactions in the long run. she even touches on the feeling of guilt just for having emotions, regardless of where theyre coming from. having to do damage control simply because you have a negative emotion around people. Imagine That Ever Destroying Group Cohesion. i know i word things super selfishly, which i apologize for. When it comes to freedom of expression, i have hard stances because my life has been riddled with dogmatic suppression of it, so it gets personal. BARK BORK i Have noticed that warning signs help people. i still hold that its degrading as fuck that i have to put them on myself rip. especially because they dont give ME warning signs i need unless theyre ALSO trans people on T or E. and thats been the pattern in all of my experience, i only get sympathy and empathy from other people on T, amab trans people, or REALLY old friends who have known me my whole life and have seen me grow from a fucked up little kid to someone whos life is honestly getting better every day, even in this quarantine. Anyway. i want people to see me as me. i thought people did, but a good number they proved they didnt over a few years. i probably have an unpopular opinion but im comfortable sharing it as this phenomenon has hurt me a lot socially.

Honestly, every hormone fluctuation makes me aggressive. First "female" puberty and the every month pms. I've been told I have an "ominous aura" no matter what mood I'm in, but I know my anger will feel even more threatening to others than now after I transition. I know because I feel more threatened when my father shouts than when my mother does, even though my father's much more gentle than my mother and I'm almost certain it's impossible for him to physically harm any living being larger than a mosquito.

this is so interesting and important. i'm a 20 sth transmasc and hoping to start t in some weeks. and in a weird way i kinda hope that it will make me feel anger more often. personally (!) i never learned to be angry, none of my family members dare to ever get angry, because it would make others uncomfortable (regardless of anyones gender actually)... obviously that's really unhealthy, and so far my anger has just translated itself into feelings of depression and anxiety. it's only been about 4 years ago that for seemingly the first time i've felt angry and correctly identified it as such, in the moment. so i kinda hope that t might let me feel anger more healthily and make peace with it, while using it as fuel for fighting for good causes instead of scaring or hurting others. exciting times, exciting changes, for which i pledge to keep in mind the great points you made. :)

Im considering going on T when I'm able to but this really scared me. I don't want to be a monster or be seen as one, but I also don't want to be or be seen as female. I honestly don't know what to do. Growing up being treated as female, I was never really allowed to express anger or even communicate that I was feeling it, it was just an emotion I wasn't supposed to have. So for me letting myself be angry and communicating the feelings I actually have rather than what I'm supposed to have has sort of meant a lot to me. I don't want to go back to bottling it all up. I also already mostly want to break things when I'm mad rather than scream into a pillow. I don't feel like there are any good options

This video is amazing. I'm a cis gay man and not exactly "hypermasculine", but I've been having issues with some odd, errant anger. Thank you for you insight. It made me think...alot. I think it's helped.

Well, yeah, discussing the problems are good. Like, on principle it's good to talk about what annoys us, and very often you'll find out what's the problem and if it's systemic, you'll at least leash out on people who're responsible for your misery. Stay stronk, comrades.

lol i thought it was unprofessional to not re-record the part where the dog started barking and then i realized it was intentional.

I'm ecstatic to see another video! Thank you for keeping this up!

I saw the title and thought: finally a video about me

Congratulations on your upcoming surgery. I wasn’t able to contribute to the fund but I’m very happy for you. I hope I’ll be able to get one someday. As always, I appreciate your content more than words can say. Thank you for letting people like me come on this journey of gender discovery with you. ❤️

I’m so glad I watched this video. This just put actual words to the vague thoughts I’ve had for ages. Thank you.

You deserve so many more subscribers. I love your views on gender and I feel like your transition gives you such a unique and important perspective since you know what it feels like to be viewed/socialized as each gender on a personal level. Your metaphors were really pretty and insightful. We definitely need feminism--not just for women, but for men who are hurting, too. Thank you for the content. We've missed you and I hope you get your surgery and have a speedy recovery

The thing I do when I’m steamed with a find someone who doesn’t feel threatened by my anger and chat with them. For me those people are often other men, my parents, or long-standing friends but it could easily mean a therapist or a community or anyone who consents to hear you vent. I’m honestly surprised that other men online wouldn’t give that advice or offer to be the ear you vent to. I think supporting other dudes is something men have down forever and that should be done more.

thank you for your Video Esseys, they have such value and are very healing.

I AM SO HAPPY FOR THIS VIDEO, AGH. super pumped to watch this video.

Another brilliant and articulate sharing of an actual lived experience. Thank you so much!

I'm a cis woman in a relationship with a man and this really helped me feel understood, as far as my fears surrounding male anger.

As someone that has struggled with psychosis (heavily associated with anger, often a reaction to sensory overload or confusion) I know all too well the fear of starting T. I didn't start T until 6 years after coming out and living full time as male. I got on psych meds and let myself adapt to that then finally sought T (also, in the 6 years the law changed and Canada moved to informed consent for hrt and away from psychological treatment). I find gettin on T actually made me calm, but my dose has been kept low so as not to aggravate issues. But pre T I've broken the stud in a wall behind the drywall with a wild swing in an anxiety attack. I've broken my hands/fingers/toes so many times from kicking and punching stuff. I still occasionally struggle with hittin my head. But more often when I feel anger coming I try to use distraction (videos or reading that need some deeper thought) or I do smoke weed.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.

Thank you for this, I feel trapped even with my own family if I explain how im feeling "its stupid, ridiculous or just annoying" but then im told i need to talk to them more and not bottle things up? Idk what Im meant to do with that. My anger was been coming out when I get drunk for the past couple of months because I hold it in the rest of the time so that I dont further burden people with my issues because Im already too much. I understand their side but I feel like im never heard. I feel like the majority of the time I get treated with the bad parts of being female (people not taking you seriously, etc) and the bad parts of being male (percieving your problems as unimportant/irrelevant and dangerous, etc) and none of the good side of either (by people who knew me before). I'm happy about the effects of T on my body but the social isolation is killing me which is making my family doubt me and also blames my anger on T. No, I lost all my friends and half of my family. I have displaced, if not broken ribs from binding and have auditory sensory issues that makes my ears feel like they are being stabbed on a regular basis and Im going through puberty as an adult and people arent accepting of it as they are with teenagers even when they know you are going through hormone treatment. So yeah im fucking angry, yeah I still have depression and anxiety but its not because hrt wasnt right for me its all the shit that comes along with it, especially the chronic back and neck pain and being too dysphoric to go to a chiropractor and/or massage therapist. Just a vent because I legit have no one to talk to who understands.

Little bit late to the party, but thanks for posting this boss. Really interesting. It felt like it connected with something I've always tried to communicate to students where I teach on a counselling course - just to ask the men to notice the "legitimacy" of their anger in terms of social expectation and norms, and to invite the woman to share their experience of anger being an "illegitimate" emotional state. Perhaps that sounds like I deliberately ignore or exclude nonbinary or genderqueer experiences, but I'm just trying to shorthand here so bear with me! I like your point about flavour, but I also wonder about colour as a metaphor. So, say the only colour you had learned to perceive was "blue". Every time you get asked to say what colour something was, the only answer in your vocabulary and experience would be to say "it's blue". Over time you develop an ability to discern red from blue, and now you have at least 2 choices. Over more time, with more practice and experience, you can start to identify other colours, and ultimately even be able to discern shades within colours - light blue, aquamarine, navy, and so on and so forth. FWIW, I also appreciate there's a kind of socialised gender experience about colour varying too, but let's not lose the point. If the one emotional "colour" you've been taught to experience and identify is "anger", then any time you try and touch base with your emotional experience the only thing that can come back is "anger". Getting to have more of an experience of the subtlety and nuance of your emotional colourwheel can let you tell the difference between the "scared" tone and the angry one, or between the "scared" tone and the "self-conscious" tone, and so on. As I cis male I definitely used to believe that T had something to do with my moments of aggression and anger, and I guess maybe it does. And as I don't have anything to compare it to especially, perhaps I can't individually get to the bottom of that question. However, what really *does* seem to be helpful is having learned more and more to accept and understand the nuance of my emotional experience in terms of broadening my understanding of my own individual colourwheel. Anyhow, quite enough of my meanderings here. TLDR: great video, keep up the good work. Also - kudos for the shout-out for therapy/counselling!

You always have very timely videos, Dylan. Here's to Season 2! 🍻

Thank you for your courage and honesty; it is truly inspirational

thank you so much for your videos. these are incredible topics, and you make such good points. i absolutely have to start using your 3 point deescalation

I wish I found this channel sooner. Great video!

I don't know if this is feasible to learn as a skill post-childhood, but when I get angry (and I'm not physically alone on my computer, which I am unfortunately still figuring out how to extend this to) I usual sort of, transmute the anger into recursive shame/guilt/sadness about feeling angry, and then let the sadness sap my energy to prevent me from doing anything. It's definitely not healthy, and it doesn't prevent the initial couple seconds where I am angry without knowing that I'm angry, but I think it *has* let me avoid being an even bigger scare to the people in my life.

Nice to see you back.

Just noticed this, you're always cool to listen to.

It is upsetting to think that the amount of mental stocktaking you've had to do on yourself can be condensed so succinctly for someone like myself who is, ostensibly, so far removed from many of the issues you're facing. Thank you, I'm learning a lot very quickly.

omg I love this boy

Dylan, your videos are poetry. *Chef kiss*

Often as a cishet woman my anger would often get laughed at until I actually was visibly quite aggressive (growing up with older brothers) to trans men here do you think this is a part of the reason transitioning and experiencing anger as a male and having such a different reaction is so difficult? From needing to be louder about your anger to be heard to now downplaying it is a big jump so want to hear from you guys.

As a closeted transfem teen (wow that's a lot of adjectives) ny anger is weird because it's usually me being angry privately. I'm more often loud when I'm excited about something or just diagree. Except when people walk in the bike lane, then I yell at them to gtfo lol

Hearing about this topic is harsh as an amab, but it gets even more complicated when you factor in autism, depression and hormones, what a fun time that is. btw, your writing is so good sometimes and your cadence fits it really well even though you lack editing, looking forward for moar videos.

as a trans man who started t last summer and has been getting a lot more angry lately this video is really cathartic. i've always been pretty chill and i almost *never* get visibly angry, but since i started t i've been feeling things such as irritation and frustration more intensely and they turn into anger much quicker than before. i think it's more of a psychological and social change than hormonal (even if hrt can play a part in it). like, the more i change physically through t the more dysphoric i get about the things that don't change (ya know, tiddies) and the frustration and impatience just build up and up and up, but as i transition into this male social role, the way i'm expected to experience and express those feelings is different, as well as the way it's perceived by others, and it's really fucking weird to go through. it's like, the further we go into our transition the more we experience male socialisation, but its mechanisms are made even more obvious to us because we weren't always subjected to it. it's strange to see yourself change like that in some ways.

Thank you for this video. It really is instructive and I learned something important now.

I felt this super hard.

Wb man congrats on the surge!!

thank you thank you thank you i really needed this thank you so much

I'm a cis-man and HOLY SHIT why am i learning all this stuff now in my late 20s from a trans-man?

Given that this is after the date the surgery was meant to be, either congratulations, or my sympathies if it was pushed down the line. Just want to say that subjects like this is useful for autistic guys too. With nobody allowed to talk about emotion as a guy, your expected to learn everything from context. Yha... we don't. So this, helps, it really does.

I’m a masc lesbain and I feel this way to much I honestly think as a female I have more testosterone than the average female and I end up lashing out on people breaking things smashing shit banging my head to a wall so I feel this it’s hard to be be aware of your emotions I’m still trying thanks for the video 🥳

I’m a new subscriber. I like your hair, it looks awesome.

!!! Learning so much about the experience of being a man, thank you!!

This was enlightening!!!

Hi Dylan! SO this comment is gonna be different for a lot of reasons being numero 1 that i am a cis man strong and big (i look like handsome orc) but the other thing is that i am from Chile (greetings from Chile) so about that...in october 18th 2019, we revolted and after that day we resisted for months until the pandemic landed. The thing is that in battle you could see any kind of minority resisting in the front line and not letting the cops to advance and i went alone (that means going to the protest alone and leaving the protest alone) so controlling my feelings in the middle of the battle became a way of survival and so i came up with this motto "don't succumb for anything or anyone" so in battle, in whatever part of the protest, you gonna experience shocking stuff that will get anyone angry and i saw a lot of men just going full berserker..jumping the lines ALONE just to be greeted with rubber bullets and a beat up from at least 10 cops....that gave 2 lessons Don't succumb to anything (not even your rightful feelings) and 2 DON'T JUMP ALONE TO DANGER. Saying that i need to say that in Chile, the goverment and it's agents violates human rights and i would like to send a strong hug to the people of Colombia in these times and say that the Colombian goverment is killing it's own people. ACAB ALL AROUND THE WORLD. Resiste Colombia, abajo con la policía bastarda y asesina.

hi:-) i'm early and happy to hear u talk about stuff

i already have anger issues, i’m worried about them worsening when i go on T

My autistic meltdowns which can happen in public involve screaming quite often so regardless of gender I might be perceived as a danger. I likely have ptsd and bpd so there's really never going to be a perfect emotional response. Your tips are good but emotions are irrational so not everyone can apply them. Anyway as much as it's a fear response in some women, those who learn to avoid you based on stats and cissexist notions of gender need to realise this is going to hurt trans women and tma enbies more. And consider whether they should react like that only to deeper voices.

I say it every time and I will say it again, You are a gorgeous man and just a genuinely amazing guy. Hope you are doing well and staying safe

Wow this is a great video thank you so much

Please make a podcast ❤

I watch your videos when I’m angry

As someone who doesn’t have testosterone but is living with an angry person on testosterone what do you recommend I do? I wanna move and never live with anyone with testosterone again but like I can’t rn.

God this video is good