I was married to a trans man for 12 years, and I strongly believe trans men are still very oppressed in this country. While there were situations in which he hid his trans status and probably received some degree of privileged treatment at those times, he was more often afraid of situations such as getting arrested for any reason, or needing emergency surgery and being “found out” Or put in positions were people who had control in those situations or possibly Transphobic, and he was at their mercy. He went out of state for a hip surgery that cost less elsewhere. and the hospital staff treated him very strangely. They also discharged him before he expected it. Sometimes catheters are you routinely use during surgery to keep patients from wetting themselves and so forth, and a person’s trans status May be revealed on the operating table if they don’t disclose it first. Mind you he began his transition in the 90s when the movie, “boys don’t cry” pretty accurately the status of trans men at that time, considered imposters etc. it was a pretty scary time to be trans. I wonder if he has experienced any improvement in treatment now. Unfortunately, I haven’t talked to him in a while.

I feel slightly called out because I am right in that precarious phase of presenting kind of futch, not using my given name, and awkwardly laughing when my gender gets brought up by people who aren't close to me. Honestly, this is a lot of what I've been feeling put to words. When I started watching videos of the transmasculine experience to crack my eggshell, I'd relate to some things, but it was really hard to identify with the whole of it, and I had kind of given up trying to find something that really spoke to me. This was the first time I've heard someone talk for 12 minutes straight in which every single second felt like you were ripping words right out of my mouth. You're awesome Dylan. Keep doing what you're doing, it's honestly invaluable.

Unpopular opinion: I think so many trans men grow long hair because they have had traumatic experiences with haircuts. Many trans men are harassed, discriminated against or just given another female haircut when they go for their first male hair cut. Some go in over and over, failing to get an actual male haircut multiple times. Just growing out your hair means you don't have to get it cut lol

I've never seen a masculine woman praised in media for being masculine. I feel like most media's (or specifically Hollywood) "masculinity" is like not even masculine, just like a bit less feminine. It's llike.... idk these women characters will be feminine but just do things that men stereotypically do. True butch women are usually the butt of the joke or just never shown (or like androgynous women being praised as butch *cough* ruby rose is great but not butch rep). And out of media, irl, butch women (and nonlesbian masculine women) are not praised for their masculinity (noted, afab men who are hyper-masculine are,, pushed to be masculine over feminine to be seen as man by rigid gender roley ppl) but masculine women are constantly put down for not being feminine. Masculinity in men is praised but masculinity in women is punished. Butch/masculine trans women are especially constantly being told they're not really women, even more than butch/masc cis women. I mean it's a double edged sword, trans women (depending on /'passing') are ridiculed for being feminine and for being masculine, bc womanhood is seen as such a narrow set of rules when womanhood is so diverse. --- But like really my butch fiancee's mom made her wear a SKIRT to her wedding it was so sad. but also i think that her mom would respect her even less if she changed her name/pronouns so she does have an easier time being cis but has a hard time being a butch woman and people either try to push her into femininity or tell her she must be a man.

When first thinking about social transitioning, I thought long and hard about a lot of the points in your video, specifically about giving up womanhood. I grew up in an all-female household and these thoughts made me feel like I was betraying them. I wanted to be the cool feminist girl that my sister and friends were but I was so uncomfortable with being a girl that wasn't an option. I wanted to be a girl so bad because of all shitty things associated with men. I'm so thankful that you talked about this because I haven't seen any FTM guys talking about this other than Jackson Bird who only very briefly mentioned it in one of his videos.

Please keep making videos. This was super insightful, thoughtful and generally just interesting.

Just recently came out as a trans man from previously identifying as a butch woman, and this video helped me reflect on a lot. The points about feeling alienated by femininity to the point of rejecting it outright to transition to become a man particularly hit home; there's a certain degree of alienation from patriarchal standards of what women 'should' be that I think is central to the feminine experience, and the rub for transmascs is then redefining their relationship to that femininity after no longer identifying as women. And there is indeed quite a thin line between butch lesbianism and transmasculinity that I've personally observed. I'm currently in the process of, like, trying to re-contextualize myself as a straight man after previously being a gay woman, but I'll always be grateful for the experiences and lessons I did learn as a lesbian. Anyway, I love your channel and I can't wait to see more videos!

“Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, cause it’s ok to be a boy. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading cause you think that being a girl is degrading” The Cement Garden.

For me realising I'm trans and coming out happened in the span of weeks/months. I never had that butch phase. I even kinda feel like my early transition was my butch phase. Maybe coming out as trans would have been easier, if I'd have had that phase. Most people, that learned that I'm trans (that knew me before) where quite surprised (/shocked). I am a gay man, but I used to identify as a woman attracted to women. This concept of me being a woman that loves women was really hard to let got of(f?) and I think it had to do with this whole idealisation of womanhood in feminist circles. This idealisation can be a good thing for empowerment, but will lead to terfism if taken to far I think. I'm really thankful I found this channel. I've never heard a transmasc perspective I've identified with as much as yours. Thank you

Speaking on that last point, Misdirected misogyny is really hard to deal with. I'm a transmasculine agender person and ive been on t for a bit over a year. As of now, I can fully pass as cis male in public except for sometimes. Like if i shave my face or not bind. So I occasionally experience misdirected misogyny. And its always a weird feeling like. This feels bad for numerous reasons, but it'll go away tomorrow. Its that privilege of knowing you wont have to deal with it forever, but then also being misgendered and being treated less than for the interaction. Like it could be so much worse, and i know this, but how do i make it any better now? Do i look masc enough today to use a men's restroom? Do i look too masc to use a women's restroom? Should i just wait several hours until I'm home? And then knowing that even if i pass as cis male, i wont be passing as my gender because passing as non binary is impossible. Its a weird grey experience tbh

I feel like your undercut is calling my undercut out. I really understand the difficulty involved in negotiating identifying with feminism, and trying to find a path to transition without becoming someone you dislike. Our trans origin stories are very similar lol, but I'm nearly 30 at this point, only just gaining access to medical intervention, and I've had a career in STEM-- and so feminism has become particularly a thing that I've had to fight tooth and nail for. My field is one of the most male dominated of any science field. As a manager working in commercial product development, I've had some shit. I've had job candidates come in for an interview with me, walk right past my outstretched hand to shake, and introduce themselves to a man in my team. I've had business partners ask me if I'm there on work experience (!). I've had men representing other companies walk into our conference room, introduce themselves to my boss, then turn to me and rattle off a coffee order. Blank me when I talk. Make "jokes" that women are naturally bad engineers. And there was that fun time a few months ago that our accountant showed me by accident my colleagues' payslips-- and I found out that a guy in my team, working under me, and doing a piss poor job to boot, was earning... wait for it. Double. Double what I was earning. Twice as much. And that was the moment I decided that that company could go fuck itself, and I was going to go back and get a PhD, lol. So, yeah. I work in a field that from childhood I was discouraged from participating in. As an adult my career has been like wading against a tide of apathetic male nerds who believe I'm taking a job away from a more deserving man. It was kind of be a big feminist or go nuts. And, like, how do you fit trans masculinity into that? How do you reconcile the fact that you have a way to escape that horrendous treatment, but that you lose the ability to truly fix it by doing so? How do I cope with hearing the shit male colleagues say about women behind their backs, knowing that was me a few years ago-- and that creating shit about it, shit though I'd like to believe I'm principled enough to create, will potentially lose me my job and career progression? I guess femininity was always safety for me. Masculinity was workshops I wanted to enter but wasn't allowed to set foot in, a whole family of emotionally stunted men around me, and a grandfather who died before I ever saw him hug his sons. I'm trying to find a path to a safe, good, healthy masculinity, but there are very few models.

Dylan I so enjoy hearing you talk and watching your videos. You are so articulate you even answer the questions I haven't even asked yet but always wanted to know. I see no conflict between expressing your authentic self and a feminist perspective on the way we live our lives politically and spiritually, treating everyone with equal respect. I would love to hear more trans men express their feelings as you have and offer this understanding to the rest of the world. It's so far beyond 'now that you're a man are they paying you more at work?' and inquiries of that ilk. Your androgyny is the best part of both worlds!

One thing that I think is important to note about the "Vazquez" is that her respect partially revolves upon her conventional attractiveness. If the butch woman in question still has stereotypically feminine features and body type they're often accepted as strong and even dominant in a sort of objectifying and sexual way whereas non conventionally attractive women who present as masculine are treated as almost disgusting or freakish. Most women just cannot access this form of privilege from adopting masculinity, and when they do there is almost certainly a sexual slant that can be very objectifying. I don't think it's anywhere near touching male privilege.

FTM, Watching this while wearing nail polish lol. Really love this video!

Even as a trans woman, I relate a lot to your description of shedding femininity. It’s how I coped with my identity before coming out was feasible - going as far in the other direction as possible. I love your videos, man. Keep up the amazing work!!!

i hope you keep making videos like these! i feel like this is the kind of trans male/trans masc experience sharing we really need right now as a community

Please never change and, if you can, please please please keep making videos. Your voice is so necessary and I truly believe you can open the eyes of the ignorance. You are so insightful and you have this charm that is hard to describe but I think it can break the ice with people who would normally be uncomfortable or even unwilling to discuss this very very important subject matter. Looking forward to your next video!

Wow, that part about feeling like I'd be leaving other women behind really resonated with me. Great video! Thank you for sharing! :)

I can't believe you have made a video that describes my own experience so precisely, down to growing my hair out now I'm comfortable in my transition! I've always pushed away those experiences and thoughts because I thought they were misogynistic or harmful to trans narrative (especially realising I was trans via wanting a better life through male privelege). It's such a relief to hear someone say they had the same experience, worded so eloquently and thoughtfully. Thank you!

Your videos have been really making me think about how masculinity has affected me in a way that I haven’t before. Thank you

This video made me think differently about some things. I recently realized that while i am attracted to some girls I'm not attracted to feminine girls, im attracted to girls with power. Girls who, how you described, are more masculine and therefore more deserving of respect. Femininity is portrayed as weak and innocent, something im not into. There's a conversation to be had somewhere about reclaiming femininity without also glorifying masculinity (i think the Netflix reboot of She-Ra does this well). Womanhood isn't something to be proud of, its something to be defensive about. I don't know where this is going but thanks for making the video to get me thinking

It's not something I have thought about, thanks for your voice on this. As a cis man I really appreciate the voices of people who have had a different experience. This has given me a fair few things to think about. Thanks again and I wish you all the luck and happiness you deserve.

I can see my own experience so much in what you say and it's especially amazing to hear from someone who realised they're trans around 18 as well. Overall a great essay

GODDAM THIS CHANNEL IS SO GOOD!!!

Damn, great video. I, agender afab, have gone thru the same thoughts abt feminism and "betraying the cause" by just not being a girl "anymore". And this transmasc limbo is weird as hell. Hope you'll be making more videos \0/

So nice to find your channel and your videos, Dylan! Looking forward to more in the future! :D

Your videos are insightful and thought-provoking. I’m excited to continue watching. Thanks for sharing your experiences and knowledge.

This really resonates with me now. Thank you for this content!!!💕💕💕

Good video, I hope we'll get to hear more about the other subjects you mentioned soon !

Thank you for this. This video is very important to me.

I appreciate you sharing your insight and experiences.

Experiencing misogyny because you have a uterus does not imply the opposite for trans women. Both can exist and it's a little silly to say that trans men don't experience it. We do and it's because we have a uterus. Unless you have transitioned and pass 100% of the time and no one knew you before you transitioned, it will still happen. I'm a little tired of getting shut down when I talk about my formative years, especially the misogyny and sexual assault that I experienced. I bring that up only to illustrate that you can call it whatever you want: the systemic and individual instances don't care if you're trans.

I came out as ace years before I came out as nonbinary so I feel like like my experience with gender is a little weird compared to other people's. I also started qustioning my gender around the time I started realizing that I probly have adhd so for me gender feels more like a neurological thing than physical one (though I do wanna eventually get that breast reduction). I dunno if I'd call my current aesthetic futch but it has been a long time since I've touched my more feminine clothes. I think it's interesting that you bring up Haruhi cuz I always saw her as enby, what with her casual ambivilance towards gender, which probly came in part from her being raised by a drag queen tbh. She's my go to example when I try to explain what agender is to people.

thank you for this video. Just a few days ago i suddenly realized deep in my heart, that I want to be a man, or I don't know... I don't want to be a girl/woman anymore. It just feels so wrong and I feel like my body and my voice is all a costume, hiding my real me. While listening to you I realized that there is some trouble ahead, but I will surely somehow make it. Thank you for the inside perspective. :)

Nice to meet you, Dylan.

Great video! I don't have a lot to say about it except that I like how you presented your percpective and how you consideret of you are of so many different things that play into the situation

obviously i cant help but relate to these experiences without being informed by my own- and as a trans man with a really not accepting mother- a lot of these arguments were brought up to discourage me from transitioning and i think just- "well if you want to be a man you must hate women", is such a shallow interpretation of the trans experience, of how ppl have their own internal lives and wants - it dismisses the underlying understanding that all trans ppl have BECAUSE theyve experienced misogyny or transphobia or homophobia in some way and transitioning doesnt erase those experiences this might be a really simplified way of looking at it- ironically, but i think it boils down to ppl just not understanding that other ppl are much more complex than one would originally assume but i also think that thats just a explanation for a small amount of those kinds of ppl obvs

I love your videos so much. So much of what you share has gone through my head as well and it’s so validating to hear it said by someone else. Especially your personal experience trading cis privilege for male privilege. I didn’t know I was trans for so many years because I thought my “I wanna be a boy” thoughts were because of misogyny.

Great video as always! It’s like you’re articulating exactly what I’ve went through as well. I didn’t accept that I was trans until I after was in college, and I also knew the limitations of womanhood due to having an older brother. The word thrown around, though, was “penis envy.” As penis envy goes, it’s not that women want to be men, it’s that they are envious of the power men have due to being sorted by their sex organs. Therefore, many of my cis women peers wouldn’t take me seriously when I was like no I really do wish I was a man (in fact I had this very confrontation in high school several times to the point that I gave up on the notion that I could be trans, hence not accepting it until after college). I’m 30yo now, and I’m going to start looking into hormone options soon. I, too, intend to grow out my hair once my features gets more masculine. It’s not that I want to reject femininity, it’s that it was shoved down my throat for my whole life so now I’m leaning extra hard into masculinity. Anyway I love your videos, and I hope you keep making more. You bring a lot of good points to the table that are helping me process my own gender. It’s great to have a trans masculine perspective on such things.

You had me at the description

I relate o this so much. I hope you keep making videos because you are really talented

Really illuminating. Some is stuff I went thru too, other stuff was new for me. Learned a lot

This is pretty interesting as a transmasculine agender person who definitely does not pass as anything but a cis woman. I have not totally rejected the feminine, and I honestly refuse to, simply because I know it wouldn't make me happy. My hair is still long, and I love it that way, and I still sometimes wear nail polish and dresses and stuff like that. Don't really wear makeup though, cause I kinda hate how it feels on my skin, though I'd love to learn how to use it to contour my face to look a little more masculine. I'm not on T, though I am considering it, and I want top surgery so bad it hurts. I've thought a lot about privilege recently, and what privilege I may have. No stranger would ever recognize me as a man, trans or otherwise, thanks to how I prefer to present, and that honestly makes me really uncomfortable. I worry about passing, but I don't want to change the few things I actually like about myself just to fit into the societal definition of what a man is, especially since I'm not even a man. I often wish I was born a man, so then I could at least be seen as a gender non-conforming man, rather than just... some cis woman who doesn't like makeup and wants a smaller chest. Sure, I'd have to deal with the shit gender non-conforming men have to deal with, but at least I'd be recognized for who I actually am. I don't know if this translates to any kind of privilege, trans male privilege or otherwise. Honestly, I feel like there's a whole other set of challenges that comes with being non-binary, especially that depressing feeling of knowing you will never pass, and people calling you fake just for being who you are. I live in a pretty okay place, aside from my own home, where everyone I live with is transphobic as all hell, but other than my own family, most people here are pretty accepting, so I don't know what all the problems people like me face are. At the very least, I can say with some certainty that being trans is about more than stereotypes, as some terfs like to claim, cause I sure as hell am not a woman, even if I am feminine in many ways.

Thanks for explaining this so clearly ☺️✌️

Thank you so much for this

thank you for you channel!

despite this video being a bit older, i love the way complexities are showcased

Easy to follow. Very interesting. :)

Hi Dylan :-) No idea how I discovered your channel, but I'm glad I did. Sometimes the KZfaq algorithm doesn't suck, apparently.

I am not sure where i fall on the male to female spectrum right now, but inwardly i feel very assertive and "masculine" in the way i carry myself while still looking very feminine. This causes me a lot of strife because i don't like how society treats me and I resent being called by female pronouns and treated as helpless and passive. I've been considering maybe changing some of those things and presenting more nonbinary... but i know people would still treat me like a woman and that it would make me feel even more marginalized. Thank you for your story. It helps to hear trans male voices while I'm figuring myself out.

Ily 💕

ftm here, i'm gonna grow my hair out, thanks for the inspo

I think I spot House from the criterion collection, great movie👌 also love hearing your perspectives, just got recommended your newest vid and have been binging your channel

Damn. I relate to all of this so much.

Fascinating.

I really like the way you explain things

wow you put my thoughts into words, leaving behind being female once you've learned about feminism is a tough grapple. in the end, like you said, it doesn't matter when it comes down to it. but when thinking about it, its hard to say goodbye because it feels like a betrayal. this hit me so close to home i loved all of this Also isn't Haruhi agender/nonbianary? I'd really love to hear a breakdown of Haruhi's character from you

while i dont agree with a lot of your views, you are one of the most respectable people to touch on these topics because you actually do your research and dont attack other viewpoints but try to open others mind and i very much respect that

This video is the only link I've ever seen between Innuendo Studios and the really large Leftist KZfaqrs and I'm really here for it

Thank you.

Too much to talk about here --- ALL OF IT GOOD. Glad I subscribed!

Hey thanks for speaking out! Its kind of hard to find trans guys talking about this stuff, however, I think male privilege is different depending on race, Sexual orientation, etc. I came out as trans guy when I was 14 and lived in a non so misogyny area where I never got cat called or experienced some sort of misogyny (not saying this doesn't happen, just not to me), besides I always liked femenine stuff so I've never been told I couldn't do what I wanted bc "I was a girl" Coming out was a weird experience bc I was a strong advocate tumblr feminist by the time and I thought being trans man was just escaping being a woman when in the reality it just wasn't. Growing up I did had the privilege of passing most of the time, but I wouldn't call it "male privilege" as I wasn't just a guy, but a FEMENINE guy. Maybe I wasn't being shamed for being a woman, but a sissy and before transitioning what I knew I was going to grow up to become was characters like Kurt from glee or any other gay that was seen as the joke or comedic relief at the time in media. Now I fully pass and you could say I have privilege but that only it's a thing where society thinks woman are lesser. In masculine stuff like football, or engineering or whatever ppl think it's a "male field". Working and liking "femenine stuff" didn't gave me some sort of privilege where my voice is more important and by male peers I'm just a joke as any sissy for "choosing to be lesser" by liking those stuff. Ofc male privilege makes me not experience misogyny, but being femenine is not seen as "strong, responsible, intelligent" as a masculine man would. I think I wrote a lot lol sorry, but I heard Rowling and other terfs saying that trans men became men to give up misogyny and get male privilege when that is not the case lol, but also so no true for the ones that still aren't conventionally masculine.

Great to meet you, Robot! :D Let me know if I can help with any of your projects.

Please keep making videosssssss.

I mostly identify as female, just trauma-related stuff makes it hard for me to present more femininely all the time. I do get excited about dressing up, sure, but sometimes it's a bit sensory unpleasant for me. Makeup makes my eyes itch, lipstick makes my lips feel wet and weird. I'm too uncoordinated and can only stand in high heels for so long. Dresses and skirts can also be sensory unpleasant, it's not that it's not my style, well sometimes it isn't, it's just more of an autistic thing. Still waiting for the day that more supportive soft bras are sold in shops for cheap

I'm nonbinary, aporagender (neither fem nor masc nor anything between nor a mix of either) and I find that the way trans masc and trans fem ppl describe masculinity and femininity more often makes sense to someone like me who doesn't "grok" (intuitively understand) either. So thank you for helping me understand both trans masculinity and masculinity in general a little better. I'm autistic, so every piece of the puzzle of "people'ing" really helps! Binary genders are a big part of that!

It nice to hear a transgder male voice for a change. good for you . Good luck in the male world iam happy iam leveling it .

What mg test do u take? I take 1 ML/2 weeks n I dont think it's working. .

What is dating like as a male as opposed to a female? I always wondered did this but you have both perspectives, it would be interesting to hear.

For so long, I thought I was a gay guy and all gay guys wish they were girls or be more femme but that’s shameful and it’s praised to be as masculine as possible to be “one of the good ones”. I was 30 before I realized that no, the vast majority of gay men do not feel like I do, and that feeling was good ol dysphoria.

Love this video, but about the bathroom thing, in my personal experience, I've seen/dealt with more negativity from being a trans guy in the mens bathroom, a fellow trans guy in my school was assaulted in the mens restroom by an asshole telling him to "prove he was a guy" and I've heard a lot of stories like that one so I wouldn't say we have trans male privilege in that aspect

Iv had these exact thoughts of betraying woman :(

this is toolook relatable. Esp.at 10:00

Trans men never had cis privilege. Also if they are both white trans men and trans women’s danger is comparable. Also trans men have to be suffocated to pass, and some of us never do. Also we get raped in men’s restrooms, just because cis men don’t have a problem with that doesnt mean we are safe. I def disagree that cis men dont get offended at trans mens existence. Transfems experience is more talked about, trans mens is silenced

Please keep making videos. You have a lot of insight into what is a man. You are very interesting and articulate.

Is that....Naegi on your shelf? :D

The Vasquez!!! That is definetly from ALIENS by James Cameron. There is a female character named Vasquez who is hella tough , strong , short haircut yet in a heterosexual relationship with another marine named drake. I feel cool knowing this! Were you aware too??

FINALLY. SOMEONE. WHO. VOICES. MY. THOUGHTS. BLESS YOU BRO!!!!

Thanks. I almost never hear from the perspective of F2M trans people.

I love all ur videos of

Make more content!

👏 make 👏 more 👏 videos 👏

i love your name. ^__^ i had a name change thing have to happen but thats a long story and more because a huge douche had the same name as me growing up

just found ur channel, and these video essays are amazing. In terms of the idea of misogyny, from how I see it, is just a hatred of women, so discrimination based off an underlying hatred of femininity, would thus be misogynistic, regardless of the victim's gender. I guess in this sense feminine cis men can also face misogyny, because misogyny is a social undercurrent of gender dynamics under the patriarchy. The gender of the victim is less relevant than the intent of the perpetrator. If a guy wears pink and gets mocked by his male friends for looking "girly," I'd also call that misogyny, cause the underlying drive behind the comment was the assumption that being a woman is bad, or humiliating. Same goes for nonbinary people facing discrimination based on an underlying hatred of women.

This video popped up on my recommended some time ago. I didn't really get it then but now I do. You've frankly expressed a feeling in a much more articulate way than I ever could. Yes, it's tough being a woman and putting on masculinity can feel empowering. Alas, it's what (some branches of) feminism has told us is empowering. It's what gets you the seat at the table, how you become one of the boyssssss. But you're not really one of the boys now are you? You're the girl version of one of the boys. It feels like a trap: becoming one of the boys gets you a seat at the table but yet denies you your femininity. So expressing femininity when you're seen as one of the boys is just so off putting. But you're not really one of the girls either? Being stuck in this liminal space is just so odd. Society just can't put you in a box so it simultaneously accepts you and rejects you. For me, it's all a performance. I get to put on femininity and become the "impostor" amongst female spaces. And on the other hand flip the script and put on feminism and "Smash da Patriarchy" by being within male spaces. But fundamentally, I feel like I don't belong. And it's so funny since my upbringing has given me very very female experiences: being dismissed, sexually harassed, my appearance being put under a microscope. Yet, it has also shielded me from some of the truly gross stuff because of the protection granted for being cis, for being one of the boys. Societal expectations and views get messy really quick. When so much of the female experience is based in sexism and the male in privilege it's hard to understand what womanhood or manhood are. And it's even more difficult to understand what those mean for you, the individual. Personally, I've rejected femininity and embraced joining the guys. But that has costed me the understanding and sharing of my own experiences as a woman. It has also tricked me into believing I didn't like feminine things when in reality that's not the case. And again, joining female groups doesn't fix this either. Experiencing misogyny is hard, it's even worse tho when you're not really a woman.

Ni

how is this the story of my life

Yes

Hi, I know you might not see this comment, but just in case, I wanted to let you know that this video is not only well thought out and well presented, the subject matter and voices like yours behind it are imperative to the discussion. I’m a mom of 2 teenagers, a daughter, my youngest, and my eldest, a trans masculine 16 year old who just started his transition. I’ve always treated my kids the same (or as much as I could), but lately I’ve been struggling with how and if I need to change my parenting approaches. This is a weird thought for me, as I’ve always thought that I would raise my kids the same regardless of gender. My eldest, like you, experienced nearly their entire childhood as a girl in the world. They know what it’s like both mentally and physically. However, despite only having started hormone therapy within the last month, they’ve completely passed as male for the last year and a half. Can I trust that he’ll always recognize his newfound privilege? That I don’t have to call it out to him? Will he recognize that as a passing male he might have to adjust his behavior towards the girls around him (I.e. know that things that were acceptable as a fellow female, like calling each other bitches, touching each other’s hair, making certain comments, etc., might make them uncomfortable coming from him.)? Also, on another note, I’ve found that I sometimes treat him differently than if he were a cis boy, mostly because I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. For instance, if I were to have a cis son, I would encourage feminine expression, and call him out if he were to reject any form of feminine expression based on his desire to maintain a masculine image, I.e. “I don’t want to wear pink,” etc. However, I know my child, although he rejects things out of a need to maintain masculinity, is doing it for different, more complex reasons. Regardless, I know he can tell when I’m holding back, and I often wonder if I should.

Why don't you have more subscribers???

i respect the fuck out of trans women

What male privilege?

I mean, yeah.

Welcome to being invisible 🙃

Omg you are such a cutie!!

Am I the only person to find that you look and sound like Harry Potter ?

so dismissive of the struggle of butch women and masculine women. in your evaluation of how they're treated.......

I'm about half way through and your talking about other topics. Dude stick with the headline.

1:41 looks at nails. Are you calling me out bro?

poor girl