Are kids of same-sex parents winning or losing?
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CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction
06:04 A quick note about language
7:57 It is hard to accidentally have a baby as a same-sex couple
10:36 What the research actually says
18:47 Academic (and personal) biases
22:41 Famous people with gay parents
25:05 Discrimination against same-sex parents (and their children)
29:09 Conclusion
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Bibliography:
School Outcomes of Children Raised by Same-Sex Parents: Evidence from Administrative Panel Data (journals.sagepub.com/doi/full...)
Kids Raised By Same-Sex Parents Fare Same As-Or Better Than-Kids Of Straight Couples, Research Finds (www.forbes.com/sites/robertha...)
Mental health of children with gender and sexual minority parents: a review and future directions (www.nature.com/articles/s4159...)
Children raised by same-sex parents do as well as their peers, study shows (www.theguardian.com/australia...)
Same Sex Parents and Their Children (www.aamft.org/consumer_update...)
Kids of gay parents fare worse, study finds, but research draws fire from experts (www.cbsnews.com/news/kids-of-...)
New study indicates children raised by same-sex parents perform better at school (www.sociology.ox.ac.uk/articl...)
Adult children of lesbian parents less likely to identify as straight, study finds (www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-o...)
Children Raised by Same-Sex Parents are Thriving (cepr.net/children-raised-by-s...)
Family outcome disparities between sexual minority and heterosexual families: a systematic review and meta-analysis (gh.bmj.com/content/8/3/e010556)
Children of same-sex couples fare at least as well as in other families - study (www.theguardian.com/science/2...)
Sexual‐ and Gender‐Minority Families: A 2010 to 2020 Decade in Review (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...)
Same-Sex Parents and Children's School Progress: An Association That Disappeared Over Time (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30673...)
A Research Note on Time With Children in Different- and Same-Sex Two-Parent Families (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...)
The kids are OK: it is discrimination not same-sex parents that harms children (doi-org.napier.idm.oclc.org/1...)
A meta-analysis examining the relationship between parents’ sexual orientation and children's developmental outcomes (www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/1...)
Behavioral Outcomes of Children with Same-Sex Parents in The Netherlands (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...)
Growing up with gay parents: What is the big deal? (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...)
FactCheck: are children ‘better off’ with a mother and father than with same-sex parents? (theconversation.com/factcheck...)
Ally Sheedy Says She 'Learned a Lot' from Her Son Beckett's Trans Journey (people.com/tv/ally-sheedy-say...)
Jodie Foster’s Appearance With Her Wife at the 2021 Golden Globes Captured the (Wonderful) Mundanity of Queer Love (www.them.us/story/jodie-foste...)
Marriage Equality Around the World (www.hrc.org/resources/marriag...)
@DawnDavidson 24 күн бұрын
“If you are worried about my children being bullied, just don’t bully them.“ - THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE!
@jennifers5560 24 күн бұрын
Jessica comes up with the best wording!
@ShelbyLikesStuff 24 күн бұрын
We all know that Jessica is iconic
@zigzagperson 13 күн бұрын
Exactly! So tired of people telling me how cruel kids can be, instead of taking accountability for their actions and for how they raise their kids to behave 😠
@unice5656 24 күн бұрын
People really underestimate the huge advantage you get as a kid from being very much wanted and planned for over being an "oops".
@Alina_Schmidt 22 күн бұрын
Probably. Would be interesting to get some studies on that.
@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 22 күн бұрын
Or being the result of "Well I guess I need to get married and have kids, isn't that what all normal people do?" My father wanted sons and only got daughters. My mother wanted living dolls that would enjoy all the pretty feminine things that she had in vain wished for as a poor kid. They both wanted kids who would be as "normal" and "successful" as possible. I was an autistic and dyslexic tomboy with ADHD, and that went about as badly as you can imagine. I am relieved that my father is dead and my mother has lost most of her mind to Alzheimer's. Neither of them can abuse me anymore.
@perpetuallyconfused6608 19 күн бұрын
A peer was reciting one of those “I bet you hadn’t thought this before and now you’re questioning everything you hold to be true” type of things. They said “just think about it. You might have been an accident!” I had the knowledge and confidence to know how meticulously planned I was ❤
@carameldare 17 күн бұрын
I was an oops that my parents decided to deal with bu having a shotgun wedding. Add to that the deep religious belief they taught us that sex before marriage is sinful, and I really struggled with thinking even God didn't want me to be alive
@Neojhun 16 күн бұрын
@@perpetuallyconfused6608 My mother had a miscarriage couple years before I was born. Fertility journey for my parents was rough and a long time ago. Soo i'm very much not an accident. But they are far from great parents.
@keturahspencer1211 24 күн бұрын
My parents were not same sex yet I was bullied, and they were terrible parents. Countless people with heterosexual parents are not okay, but let's ignore that elephant in the room.
@onceuponamelody 24 күн бұрын
Right?! Straight married parents do not equal a happy family.
@megdelaney3677 24 күн бұрын
Yep, childhood, adolescence and young adult life was hell. Wish I'd had parents like Jessica & Claudia. ❤
@andirach 24 күн бұрын
Ah yes, absolutely NO ONE ever talks about abused kids from hetero homes. Never seen a book, a movie, an episode of a TV or streaming show... Discussing the issues of a group of people you don't belong to doesn't take away from your trauma. It just means you're not the center of attention at the moment
@aazhie 24 күн бұрын
Straight people ruined marriage & parenthood long LONG before any queer people were visible and safe enough to not be immediately harmed for asking for more rights!
@blowitoutyourcunt7675 24 күн бұрын
@@andirach Actually that was the *only* conversation we were having (cuz the automatic assumption was parents = straight or heteronormative), until this type of awareness spread! But let's all ignore *that* elephant in the room ; ) Spreading awareness for other groups does not detract from the awareness already spread, nor does it detract from the central message of don't f'up your kids! Funny how it only comes up when Divisive Delia's are trying to divide people! You have the day you deserve : )
@brookechang4942 24 күн бұрын
The silliest part of this argument, to me, is the idea that non-nuclear families don't already exist-especially in non-Western cultures. A child having "two moms" and/or "two dads" doesn't raise any eyebrows if one of each is a step-parent. Put the moms or the dads in a relationship with each other, though, and everyone loses their minds.
@jeffhunter3402 24 күн бұрын
Exactly. People get screwed up over the same sex/gender of the parents, instead of seeing the parents as loving people who have chosen to be the best parents they can be to the child in their care.
@colinneagle4495 24 күн бұрын
Wow, that's such a good way of reframing the whole "two people of the same gender can't raise a child adequately" argument
@brookechang4942 24 күн бұрын
@@colinneagle4495 Thanks!
@nienke7713 24 күн бұрын
And when the argument then becomes "well, but they still have a parent of the binary sex/gender too", I will kindly point to all the single-parent households
@Alina_Schmidt 22 күн бұрын
True. But the ultra conservatives are also opposed to the concept of step parents. A few years ago in germany a doctor was fired fom a catholic hospital because he had a divorce.
@larryfroot 24 күн бұрын
I was brought up by heterosexual parents who inflicted exorcisms on me for being too femme. Heterosexuality is not an automatic virtue.
@jennifers5560 24 күн бұрын
❤
@smilingjacks83 24 күн бұрын
❤
@phoebegee54 24 күн бұрын
I'm sorry
@aazhie 24 күн бұрын
I hope you have better, healthier support now :( ❤
@larryfroot 24 күн бұрын
Bless you all. Diolch a Galon as we say in Wales. Thank you from my heart.
@RubyTuesday878 24 күн бұрын
Where are the studies looking into the mental health and intellectual development of children raised by homophobic, conservative cis-gendered heterosexual parents?
@RyuKyu.77 19 күн бұрын
I can be a sample! It sucks! I gotta hide my true love for the years to come, for now I pretend to like girls
@TheCanadianWeeb5 19 күн бұрын
Good point! I actually really wanna see that.
@RivLoveshine 18 күн бұрын
Man, I'd love to be in one of these studies. My mental health is shit thanks to my parents. I can't tell my parents I'm trans and I'm feeling shit.
@zhenia2511 5 күн бұрын
There are a plenty of them. They are just titled something like "mental health issues that LGBTQ youth face". Here are some interesting examples if you're curious: 1). "Mental Health of Transgender and Gender Diverse Youth Natalie M Wittlin et al. Annu Rev Clin Psychol. 2023. " 2). "Homelessness, Mental Health and Suicidality Among LGBTQ Youth Accessing Crisis Services Harmony Rhoades et al. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. 2018 Aug." 3). "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria: Parent Reports on 1655 Possible Cases Suzanna Diaz et al. Arch Sex Behav. 2023 Apr." - the study itself is bad and was retracted, but it's an interesting insight into what transphobic parents say when they are validated. 4). " Family trouble: Heteronormativity, emotion work and queer youth mental health Elizabeth McDermott et al. Health (London). 2021 Mar."
@shoyuramenoff 24 күн бұрын
Canadian paperwork uses parents and guardians a lot. Not even to be inclusive of queer people specifically but because kids can get raised by other relatives, have blended families, god parents, etc.
@meghanalmighty 24 күн бұрын
Yeah, we can be accidentally inclusive. Although we are very inclusive of queer families. As the non-birth parent, we do not have to adopt our children like some in the US do. When our baby is born, we just put birth parent and non-birth parent names on the birth cert just like anyone else might. I'm grateful for that.
@ArtingFromScratch 18 күн бұрын
True. Sadly though Canada still falls under the umbrella of countries where disabled people lose benefits when married
@ncammann 23 күн бұрын
I love the "Where's your Adult". Perfect. Mums, Dads, Aunties, Uncles, Grannies, Grandads, Step-parents, Foster-parents, Child-Minders. There can be such a range.
@Nathan_Bookwurm 23 күн бұрын
We are a papa and papi with a son and daughter. But when the kids are playing mum&dad, they're both fighting over who will be the mummy 😂😂
@aalflyguy1184 23 күн бұрын
My brother is a disable single parent to 4 kids. Their bio Mother values drugs & getting high over being a quality parent. My mother & I took on custodial guardianship of the kids. I am an open single gay male. The kids have grown up in a loving non traditional environment. I attended high basketball & baseball games, dance recitals & 2 high school graduations. I am known as Guncle Robb as am recognized as their parent. 3 adults of 3 different generations have raised 2 of our children to adulthood with the last two heading into high school. Conservatives would have had the kids taken away & raised in foster care instead of by 3 loving adults one who happens to be gay. The kids are loved, cared for & well adjusted. A non-nuclear family is just as valid as any family with heteronormative parents. All kids want is to be loved & cared for regardless of the sex or who their parents are.
@rachelv673 22 күн бұрын
"He basically eats books" is a wonderful way to describe a kid being a voracious reader (or listener, for now)
@jennifers5560 24 күн бұрын
Your “Spectacled Jessica” character was hilariously on point with how some people act. Why are they like that??
@thegreatr3dbeard153 24 күн бұрын
Heteronormativity
@aazhie 24 күн бұрын
People who never have to question their beliefs are like that. Also, people who are shamed for ever breaking their expected gender role... and also people who are deeply miserable for other reasons and want everyone else to be JUST as miserable
@dragonflies6793 19 күн бұрын
the whole "what if they experience strange emotions" bit I had to pause and laugh
@jennifers5560 19 күн бұрын
@@dragonflies6793 everything that character said was so funny!
@onceuponamelody 24 күн бұрын
"Things were so much easier back in the days when there was just mom and dad!" Oh, you mean back when Dad had multiple mistresses and mom was drugging or drinking herself to death? Yeah...
@felixbelanger2659 24 күн бұрын
I was essentially raised by a single mother with 3 other siblings, just having 2 parents whether or not same-sex sounds great. Most importantly you just need positive adult figures in your life. I have a bachelor degree, can fix a car and cook just fine...
@felixbelanger2659 24 күн бұрын
Just FYI for some reason the sound was very echo-ey in this video, perhaps something has changed in your setup because it's usually much better... I realize you may not be able to notice
@salemsaberhagan 24 күн бұрын
@@felixbelanger2659noticed that too & I think she might have changed her audio setup a bit coz there's definitely two different recorders with different settings now. I remember those closeups used to seem like they were digitally zoomed in post but these seem different. I also think that she may have been a bit tired or something because she's got a bit of a lisp here so that's another reason why it might seem different from some of her other videos. Or the maybe-new mics are so much more sensitive that I'm hearing more subtle mouth sounds that I've never heard before.
@felixbelanger2659 21 күн бұрын
@@salemsaberhagan what really stuck out to me is the echo! It could be something as simple a closed door or window, furniture moved around or something like that. A different mic could also explain it.
@jasontzouganatos9311 24 күн бұрын
In Greece right now this debate is really prevalent after the legalization of same-sex marriage early this year. We had a conversation about queer rights in class with our essay teacher and it was a long debate. She was saying how she supports the right to gay marriage but is against adoption from same-sex couples because "the stigma from society would be too much for them" and "the children didn't ask to be raised in a homosexual household in a country where homophobia is really prevalent". I wish this video existed earlier so that I would have the correct vocabulary and knowledge of research papers to win the debate instead of having to abide by a middle line.
@jwb52z9 24 күн бұрын
So many people don't know that disabled people lose benefits and healthcare coverage if we get married. In the US, I can only marry another disabled person who has the same benefits that I do in the same government programs. That defeats the practical purpose of marriage in the first place.
@esmeraldagamgeetook2454 23 күн бұрын
I didn't know. And I lost my benefits by casualty mentioning I was in a defacto relationship. In Australia, if you've lived with someone for a year and "act like a couple" (split expenses, present as a couple, etc) then it's the same thing as marriage
@vickymc9695 22 күн бұрын
In the UK we often can't even live with our partners. They often have to either take on the cost of supporting the disabled partner, or give up their jobs entirely. This setup of tying the disabled person's income to their partners often leads to financial abuse.
@shawnahaddan3674 19 күн бұрын
jwb52z9 Come again? My husband works and yes his income impacts my social security supplemental income. But there is no policy in the United States that says that I can't get married.
@jwb52z9 14 күн бұрын
@@shawnahaddan3674 Yes, you can, if you can live with losing your benefits, which happens to a lot of disabled Americans, unless you marry someone else disabled and with the same programs you use for help. I'd instantly lose all my eligibility for everything I need if I marry anyone financially worth marrying.
@DawnBurn 24 күн бұрын
My wife & I fall into the "made a child on purpose, but easier than many same-sex parents' because she's trans. Which makes the whole "whose kid is that" convo SUPER FUN. "Ours." But which of you does she look like? "Both of us." But what are her genetics? "Both of ours." The only one that gets where they think it is going is "Who carried her?"... which... I did. But that's because my wife couldn't. And it doesn't make our daughter any less hers. AND IT IS EXHUASTING. Only 1 mother's day card coming home. And Father's Day cards for no one. Ugh.
@Nathan_Bookwurm 23 күн бұрын
Haha we have the same. I came out as transman after having kids, which means my kids now have 2 dads and we're also both biologically related to them 😂
@Nathan_Bookwurm 23 күн бұрын
Although, the mother/fathersday is different here. They keep bringing a mothersday gift from school cuz the school still groups me as part of mother (just replaced mum with my name).
@mamamommy42 19 күн бұрын
so relatable! luckily my family is extraordinarily accepting but in public someone always has to ask which one of us is mom, because where i live, lesbian couples are less common so the assumption seems to be that we are just friends and that the baby only belongs to one of us.
@TheTransgenderScholar 24 күн бұрын
As a trans woman, married to another woman, our kids call us Mama and Nama. I'm Nama and its a protmanteau of my first name and Mama.
@SarastistheSerpent 21 күн бұрын
That’s so cute lol
@mamamommy42 19 күн бұрын
🏳⚧💕
@kenzierenfrew1255 16 күн бұрын
Aw!! That's so cute!
@leila_h_photography 24 күн бұрын
I always find it fascinating that the "a child needs a mummy *and* a daddy"-brigade (who also often disparage single parents...) never seem to apply those arguments to, say, war widows... 🤔🙄
@misspatvandriverlady7555 22 күн бұрын
It’s been pointed out in response to “a child needs a father in their life!” arguments that fathers have historically been off working or straight-up dead, and the kids were fine because the de facto single/actually widowed mother was financially supported. I married, had a baby, divorced, remarried, had another baby, and am now widowed. I can tell you I have gotten a TON more financial support being widowed than I did being divorced, though the problem of raising a kid being expensive is the same! 😒
@ladyicondraco 24 күн бұрын
I am an aunt who often has care of my niblings. People become so confused.
@junoestro 24 күн бұрын
nibling is such a fun word i've always loved it
@rabidpinkbunny8915 23 күн бұрын
@@junoestro Me too, it's so cute!
@CaliAmandalyn1981 19 күн бұрын
Agreed! Auntie here too. I often feel the need to clarify to adults who engage around me, they're hanging with Auntie Manda.
@zhenia2511 24 күн бұрын
I'm a child of straight parents and I call both my parents by their full names and adress them with formal pronouns (in my language, plural "you" is a respectful form).
@shoyuramenoff 23 күн бұрын
Parlez-vous français?
@zhenia2511 23 күн бұрын
@@shoyuramenoff No, I'm Ukrainian. I know that you have this divide as well though.
@hollo0o583 22 күн бұрын
Doesn’t that make you feel… separated, distant? From your parents? I grew up German and for the longest time I didn’t understand why people saw polite speach as better to informal speach. To me polite is distancing and informal is honest.
@zhenia2511 22 күн бұрын
@@hollo0o583 It's a sign of respect. I love them because they're my parents. I respect them because they earned it.
@kzisnbkosplay3346 24 күн бұрын
My kids (2 boys) are growing up in a family with a mom, grandmother, and great grandmother. I hear all the time how they need a father figure. Normally there is an insinuation that boys need a man to show them how to 'man'. I would much rather they learn how to be a good human.
@aazhie 24 күн бұрын
I think the best men can understand what women have to deal with. Even if those men grow up to be as gay as possible, having empathy for someone with a uterus is still a huge advantage to being a kind and community minded human being
@scottfrenzel1251 11 күн бұрын
You sound like a deadbeat tbh
@georgeb.wolffsohn30 24 күн бұрын
Adult . Simple. Inclusive. Non judgemental ! I've worked as a preschool teacher for! 30 years and that's a new and usefully inclusive term. Thanks.
@MiljaHahto 24 күн бұрын
It used to be relatively common for unmarried or widowed women to take foster kids, especially if a relative had more than they could afford to support. And some of them these women had "a friend" who they lived with. Nobody batted an eye, as it was believed to be friendship an co-living only and not sexual.
@rgp6570 24 күн бұрын
Hey Jessica. I can't provide the citation for this one, I will keep looking, I recall a long running study into adulthood (18-20 years) of the life outcomes of children adopted by same-sex couples. The outcomes of the study, whose title suggested to me it started from a thesis that those children might have been "disadvantaged", found very much the opposite. Children adopted into same sex couples fared better (the percentage was about 20+%) in their path to adulthood than those adopted by different sex couples. It cited all of the indicators you describe in terms of resilience, lack of mental health issues and better: social adjustment, happiness, and academic performance etc.. This study was compelling enough that many social services agencies in North America began favouring same sex couples as adoptive parents. And by favouring (not a typo, I am a Canadian), I mean that the scoring methods used to rate the suitability of couples as adoptive parents resulted in higher scores. Not to disparage the wonderful different sex parents in the world, but it does bring into question the stereotype of "normal" families. This is not a surprise to me, as it is only logical that those persons who find themselves challenged by the stereotype may work harder to become parents and be invested than "average" in their role, and in their children's well-being and quality-of-life. Footnote: My 4 siblings and I were raised by different-sex parents and, while we siblings love other very much, every single one of us has mental health issues (some significant) stemming from our childhood. Love this channel, and love to your wonderful family.
@meghanalmighty 24 күн бұрын
I think one person's comment really hits the crux of it for couples who cannot conceive without interventions or at all: making a conscious choice to be parents makes it a very intentional act. I think for many of us, even in Canada (like me) where there has maybe been more acceptance of the Queer communities, we still have experiences or memories of people being cruel, hurtful, or hateful to us simply because of our identities. This makes one want to teach their children to be loving and accepting. Also, we have diverse friend groups or maybe more involved with diversity and inclusion efforts. It does not mean that different sex parents cannot have diversity in their lives, but it just seems so inherent when one is 2SLGBTQI+. (nonsequitur: I appreciated your qualifying your spelling was correct, although Jessica would spell it the same way, so it must have been for the commenters LOL). Cheers, fellow Canuck.
@rossmail5924 24 күн бұрын
💁🏻 foster parent here who loves when folk don't assume I am mum. The opposite can be so tricky. Very happy to be referred to as someone's adult; thankyou Rupert 😊
@cutegixie 24 күн бұрын
Love hearing that Rupert calls other children's carers their 'adults'! Ive also heard of people using 'gaurdian' or 'grown-up'.
@lilypudd 24 күн бұрын
"Send them your sex tapes...no don't do that"😂😂😂😂 I about fell off my chair.
@furaances 24 күн бұрын
I often say “where’s your parental?” 😂 where’s your adult is also fantastic good thinking rupert
@Alina_Schmidt 22 күн бұрын
Nice ✨ Is there a difference between parental and parent to you? (In my language, a gender neutral term for one parent is so uncommon it seems grammatically false. ‚parents‘ is basically a plural word, like pants in english. So I thought it‘s neat that there is a singular gender neutral word like parent in english. Adult is common in singular, but singular forms are usually gendered in my language.)
@furaances 22 күн бұрын
@@Alina_Schmidti’m not sure about how proper it is in terms of the english language, but I think of parent as a person who is primarily raising them, and a parental as someone who is filling that parent role for them in that moment. So it could be a parent but could be an aunt, uncle, cousin, trusted friend, etc. also!
@hollo0o583 22 күн бұрын
I like gardian as a word. Keep in mind, I’m not a native. To me guardian sounds like Guardian Angel and guard/protector. In German it Erziehungsberechtigter aka “(the one who’s) entitled to raise” guardian is such a beautiful word!
@hollo0o583 22 күн бұрын
I know for natives the association is probably administrative and legally compliant term for formal paperwork.
@franny5156 19 күн бұрын
@@Alina_Schmidt are you german? Elternteil maybe?
@chrislaustin 24 күн бұрын
So long as said child is loved, supported and taken cared of, I would imagine the parents sexual orientations matter not. The long term outcome should be just the same across the board, or so I would think?
@alexba1ley 23 күн бұрын
Apparently same sex parents are actually better, so it does matter, but in the opposite way the critics think it does. So the next question we should be asking is how can different sex parents learn lessons from same sex parents on how to be better.
@hollo0o583 22 күн бұрын
…by becoming less sexist… by deconstructing gender and by deeply understanding that it’s a social construct. That sex specific stuff makes up, like, 5% of the human experience. All other differences are sociocultural not biological differences based on tendencies like size distribution or hormonal predisposition.
@Meccarox 6 минут бұрын
@@hollo0o583Exactly.
@ollyoxalls607 24 күн бұрын
This was really nice. Having two moms, most of those studies seem to check out in my case. I have felt a lot freer to explore who I am, I felt comfortable coming out to them as aromantic/asexual because I knew that even if they didn’t understand, they would accept me for who I am. There was none of that “the man of the house does x and the woman of the house does y” nonsense. The worst thing about having two moms for me is that I’ve got a hyphenated last name and online platforms for school are always doing bizarre stuff like just using one name, scrunching into one word, etc.
@brinnc-o9065 21 күн бұрын
Same hat!
@mollyn03 24 күн бұрын
Oh wow. I did not realise how much I needed the sweetly spoken 'just asking questions... I have LOTS of gay friends so I can't be homophobic' type homophobia to be called out until I saw this. The 'teacher' character really hit all the feels - in a 'wow, I know this person' kind of way. Thanks Jessica
@Technilogica2019 24 күн бұрын
lots of teachers forget that super young kids have probably been calling their parents these "unconventional" names for their whole life, so ofc it just comes naturally to them lmao it's all they know but this is also coming from someone who had a stay at home dad while my mom went to work in the early 2000s, so we've never really been one for following whatever's "normal" lol
@HotDogTimeMachine385 24 күн бұрын
If only bigoted parents didn't teach their children to hate others, then everyone would be a winner
@emilieb986 23 күн бұрын
I'm almost 30, my parents are same-sex (trans and cis woman). I can only speak for myself but them being women didn't have any significant negative impact on me, expect when people asked me invasive questions about my parents private life 😅
@brinnc-o9065 21 күн бұрын
One of my core memories is from middle school; another student had asked how my moms could have a kid if there wasn't a man present (with the presumption that cishet sex was the only way a person could get pregnant). I didn't catch on to the fact that my peer was trying to shame me (thanks autism!), so I proceeded to explain to him, and the entire class, the basics of IVF and my moms' experience in their GIFT program. Even the teacher was quiet, listening to my little speech. It is one of my happiest memories and always will be! Even before my middle school days, having two moms was less of an issue than the fact that my bio mom is white and my other mom is black (I am biracial, but ultimately brown). Another core memory took place on the rfamily cruiselines in the mid 2000s; Rosie O'Donnell's (tho they are moreso Kelly's) children were speaking to the kids there about our shared experiences as children of nontraditional families. One of the eldest kids asked, "how many of you are gay?" and nearly everyone's hand went up (we were like 3-5 years old, don't judge). Then they asked, "how many of you are gay because your parents are gay?" And my hand went straight to my lap, quite emphatically. I already knew that girlhood wasn't for me, and that boys are better for friendship than romance. Thinking back on this memory, I always feel so much joy knowing that I was confident in my own identity, far before I had the words/terms to describe it all. As a biracial, genderqueer child of two moms, I can confirm that my life -- while not devoid of stress and difficulty (thanks autism!) -- growing up the way I did, in the environemnt I did, saved me a lot of time and energy when it came to finding myself. If given a choice, I wouldn't have it any other way!
@jennifers5560 21 күн бұрын
What great stories! Thank you for sharing them! ❤
@The.Mountain.Flower 24 күн бұрын
As a child of two moms, I'd say I'm a winner (too much pun material tho 😅)
@rynhart4174 23 күн бұрын
Trans man married to the same man I was married to when I came out as trans. We have a child together. Our child has been described by the school as very happy without a malicious bone in her body. I’ve had people freak out about the fact that I’m raising my child and let her have choice in her gender and how she expresses herself. This is despite my daughter is AFAB and has stated she’s a girl and is the girliest girl to ever girl through girlhood. But I let her look at “boys” stuff to make her choice.
@littlelad406 24 күн бұрын
i’m not opposed to the idea of my future kids just calling me by my name
@jennifers5560 24 күн бұрын
My daughter always calls me by my name. My wife got “Mom” but when introducing us to people we get “These are my parents.”
@elsiest.irvyne9515 23 күн бұрын
According to some books, it was a kind of fashion in late 70's to call parents (not even stepparents) by their names. My nephew in 90's called "Mom *Name*" and "Dad *Name*". It seemed to me more uncomfortable when my parents stopped calling each other by name completely.
@silversleeper1193 24 күн бұрын
This was such a great video. You’re so right, it’s incredibly frustrating to have to walk around with a stack of research papers just to defend yourself as a parent. The number of times that I, an asexual non-binary single parent by choice, have had to defend that I deliberately had a child by myself with statistics about how children of single parents where the trauma of divorce and/or poverty is not present do the same or better than those with two parents… it’s exhausting.
@_andrewvia 24 күн бұрын
I was so impressed with the look of your "college genius" (with the glasses), but then she started to talk, and my impression rapidly sank into (delete "dislike") despair. Another character well played. Please bear with my own awkward idiotic comments.
@Lisa_Flowers 24 күн бұрын
Why be so unkind to yourself? Your comment was not awkward or idiotic! If you're joking, I'm sorry if I misunderstood, but thought it was worth saying!
@annemcdougall919 24 күн бұрын
Incredible video as always! Very well worded and researched and definitely will be passing it along to certain relatives with certain outdated views
@jessicaoutofthecloset 24 күн бұрын
Much appreciated!
@annabrown3337 24 күн бұрын
My (adult, lgbt+) daughter's main argument is always that conscious choice would make parenting intentional. As a teacher, I LOVE the inclusiveness of "your adult/grown-up" because it includes everyone, doesn't assume gender of the adult(s) and therefore makes children feel comfortable, included and represented!
@CorwinFound 24 күн бұрын
Children need one or more guardians who provide a safe, stable, and loving environment in order to thrive. Everything else is irrelevant detail.
@justmemayel4174 24 күн бұрын
Exactly that! Someone who loves you, cares for you, provides for your every need and keeps you safe, and IF in a relationship, loves and cares for the other person as well, no matter who they are ❤
@aoibhinquinn7310 24 күн бұрын
One of my best friends has 2 moms, and another friend has 4 moms (2 moms at first, they divorced and both gained new partners). They both have the best responses to "your mom" jokes
@st8ofgray 23 күн бұрын
i'll never get over how absurd this argument is. It's the same as "singles mothers can't do a good enough job" "Getting divorced is bad for your kids" when all of the problems generally come from external factors like oh a single mum can't spend as much time with her kids because she needs to work more hours (due to wage inequality or an overall cost of living issue, not to mention nobody ever questions when both parents work hard and long hours? or kids that have a FIFO parent?) and how, actually, kids who have parents that divorce amicably and effectively resolve the conflict have little to no issues with their kids that stem from the divorce and often the kids benefit from seeing how to healthily navigate that situation. like was mentioned, "but aren't you worried your child will be bullied" so teach your child to not be a bully. similar to "girls shouldn't wear that" teach your boys to respect people's bodies and boundaries. All these arguments when challenging heterosexual social norms almost always boil down to some form of sexism and i think that says a lot honestly.
@KumikoChanNyan 24 күн бұрын
Some children of heteronormative couples are not wanted at conception, which doesn't mean they are not wanted later. However, some parents are just "lucking" into having children, solely going through with pregnancy and childrearing because everybody does that and it is their right to have children. It would be fascinating, to see the statistics, when on the other side are children, who where conceived through IUI, or IVF, for different sex couples. Hopefully I didn't butcher that, english isn't my native language.
@1795ification 24 күн бұрын
Rupert is already showing that neutral language is actually much simpler and accepts creativity ;)
@annabrown3337 24 күн бұрын
I feel like gender/family group make-up is less important for the child's welfare than them being safe and loved and supported; children with multiple adults looking after them (and themselves/each other) will provide children with emotional security and a range of views/approaches/interests so they grow to be secure and well-rounded.
@alexba1ley 23 күн бұрын
But the studies actually show same sex parents are better for the child's welfare. So it does make a difference. And yes having multiple adults to care for kids is better and has been the way most families and communities have functioned for millions of years. The nuclear family is a recent invention mostly to give a man unsupervised control over a woman and children.
@MsDust77 24 күн бұрын
I was bullied as a kid because I had 2 mom's.. now people think it's cool. It was really hard growing up though.
@jennifers5560 24 күн бұрын
❤
@lolwatisdis3312 24 күн бұрын
great video ! i can tell how much time and effort went into this ❤❤ as a gay man this helps me look forward to the future
@jennifers5560 24 күн бұрын
Right? Did you see that Bibliography?
@Lisa_Flowers 24 күн бұрын
I feel like so many people don't actually care about children, even when it comes to this topic. Like logically it is most important for children to be loved and cared for and raised to be competent and compassionate adults. Not for them to internalise gender roles or whatever. It's up to people to prove that for whatever reason same gender parents cannot provide that, not automatically assume they are hurting their children because it's two men or two women or two (or more) queer people. So many of these people will say they care about the kids and that same gender parents cannot provide them with a healthy upbringing and then ignore domestic violence or abuse that is being done by opposite gender parents as long as it fits into ideals of a child being raised in an adequately cisheternormative way. It's fine for a father to emotionally abuse his son into being more masculine as long as he has a male role model to 'teach' him how to be a man but god forbid a boy is raised by two moms who love and care about and accept him regardless of how he expresses himself! Obviously i'm not saying all opposite gender parents are abusive. I _am_ saying that cis-heterosexuality is assumed to be morally virtuous to the point where as long as it is being upheld, abuse and neglect and dysfunction is overlooked, and if it is _not_ upheld there is outcry, even if abuse or neglect or dysfunction is not present. There are so many people I know who are fine with opposite gender parents abusing or mistreating or even just being unkind to their kids for the sake of 'moral instruction' (a.k.a ensuring conformity) who would yell until they're blue in the face that all same gender parents are bad because 'think of the children'. Very few of these people _actually_ care about children! They care about children having gender roles enforced and maintaining cisheternormativity.
@whateverta 24 күн бұрын
I am very happy ypu made this. While I have hetro parents. I am a single mo by choice. Information went out while my children were small shamming single parents that is was bad and the parent was bad. It always bothered me. What should I do have an abusive dad in my children's life!? No Absolutely not.
@felrune1709 21 күн бұрын
its sick that so many countries prohibit same sex and one person adoptions. they rather have the child rot in the orphanage instead of having a parent who wants them.
@schlaumayer3754 24 күн бұрын
Great video, as always. But two technical aspects: 1. The sound quality suddenly worsens in the middle of the video 2. Why are there random numbers in the subtitles occasionally?
@agreene1090 24 күн бұрын
The numbers refer to the speakers. So 1 is Jessica, while 2 is the character objecting (glasses). It’s to show a shift in speaker. If they were named it would have the names instead
@schlaumayer3754 24 күн бұрын
@@agreene1090 Oh, thanks. That makes sense
@annimanidolls 23 күн бұрын
Hot take: same sex couples have more potential for being good parents because they have to go through hoops to have a child, so they are sure they REALLY want it. Says I, person raised by single mother.
@MovieEggman 24 күн бұрын
Clicked faster than it took me to come out of the closet.
@KristenK78 22 күн бұрын
THANK YOU for talking about adoption-related trauma as part of your research! I did not expect it in this video, so it was really validating to me, as an adopted adult raising a biological child, to have someone outside the adoption community bring it up. ❤❤❤
@rosaangelicaarias4396 24 күн бұрын
I still havent seen the video but I think kids are winners if their parents loves them unconditionally. I grew up in a heterofamily and I was unhappy for the lack of affection and respect
@im19ice3 23 күн бұрын
the way my blood was boiling at your teacher character >w< TOO REAL
@judebrown4103 24 күн бұрын
So pleasing to learn these stats Jessica, having children wasn't an option when we got together in the early eighties. It's lovely to know that, as we'd expect, children of gay parents thrive and do well, not only that but its being documented so we can use it on those people like your wonderfully ghastly bespectacled Jessica character! I'm sure others will mention that the sound on your forward facing camera went a bit echoey, I'm just playing it through again to get a time stamp. I thought there was a specific spot where it got worse...yes there it is at 09.34 sounds like a battery gave up and the sound was picked up by another device. Didnt affect my enjoyment and fascination of your video but being aware that you cannot hear the nuances i thought I'd mention it. I love the format of your latest videos, you're a really good actor.👍🤗🥰
@Whatisthisgremlin 24 күн бұрын
BRO I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS CLEVER WITH THE “MAPA” TITLE IDEA BUT I WAS BEAT TO THE PUNCH 😭 Okay I’m back bc I just realized smth: By people being taught that only men & women can be in sexual or romantic relationships just bc that’s always been what’s depicted in media or in real life, we just never seemed to understand sexual orientation or romantic orientation, nor the variety of them, hence people being ignorant to orientations
@JustinW332 22 күн бұрын
Thanks for acknowledging the struggles of disabled couples. I'm disabled myself.
@littlelad406 24 күн бұрын
whoa ive never been recommended a video from this channel less than 3 months after it was published
@DB-sc2hg 24 күн бұрын
If you subscribe it will be the day it comes out
@kathyb249 24 күн бұрын
Your videos are so wonderfully informative, humorous, and compassionate. I send them out all the time.
@AmarisFrede 22 күн бұрын
Your videos are always so bittersweet. A lot of cute stories and relieving studies, but the prejudices still sting so much. Also, asking: "Is this your adult?", is kinda metal!🥰
@zolmation 21 күн бұрын
I wish I could half as well-spoken as Jessica. She puts in a lot of effort that most of us can not be bothered to do in-order to present this information in such a clear and concise way. What a gem of a person honestly and when she stops to sigh in disappointment on something I FEEL that lol
@PhoebeFayRuthLouise 24 күн бұрын
29:09 I love fierce Jessica! Thank you for this wonderfully comprehensive video! Really well done!
@annabrown3337 24 күн бұрын
You and claude are amazing examples.... im just gonna point people who question lgbt+ parents to this video
@pjdava 24 күн бұрын
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, You're so talented! I had to hit the like button!
@sams1982 24 күн бұрын
love the teacher character!
@cggc9510 24 күн бұрын
It takes a village to raise happy healthy kids. As long as there are caring sfults around, who cares what sex or gender they are?
@TheJenna52 24 күн бұрын
Years ago my mom made friends with a bean she met while in the hospital they had kids after taking the time to explain they were a little different type of parents than what we saw every day Dutch and Cookie came to dinner with their kids. We(the kids) were sent off to play Thinking back on it now my biggest concern was where they going to be any fun. Course this was 40 years ago and my parents weren't typical for the times. Fear breeds fear tolerance breeds tolerance.
@cynnerss 24 күн бұрын
Yes! My daughter is a highly respected school and teaches AP trigonometry.
@hanwirtz4305 24 күн бұрын
My daughter says adult as well ...just in German lol😂
@corbettr.rubert5960 24 күн бұрын
🎉🎉🎉 I love how positive your videos are! You and Claudia are wonderful!
@Xx_Oleander_xX 24 күн бұрын
The timing on this video is perfect for me because I just came out to my Dad as a transman, yet all the months of stress pre coming out was BECAUSE he was in a STRAIGHT relationship with my queerphobic mom. Its wild to me that people think gay couples would be worse parents because I could've saved myself so much stress if I knew he liked woman AND men. I wish I put two and two together that the guy working in film was a theater kid I feel like a fool!
@paintingdreams290 23 күн бұрын
at least ur dads queer which kinda makes it sad he married ur mum (as in bc shes queerphobic)
@fatladyfarmer2025 24 күн бұрын
You are so amazing at explaining this. I'm going to show this to my mom who just can't get her brain around this. She has 3 great grandchildren who are in same sex relationships and she is baffled.
@GutsyTen42 24 күн бұрын
6:55 actually am part of the notification gang but h*ck yeah, we love SEO
@katelijnesommen 23 күн бұрын
Very interesting to see all this data collected, and in a fun format. Thank you, Jessica!!
@ZarakhCreations 16 күн бұрын
Excellent video. Thank you for doing all the research. Your acting as the educator was beautifully done!
@cd2290 23 күн бұрын
A child needs a loving, understanding and supportive environment to grow up in. It doesn’t matter who that is who forms that environment. The kids that have that are who have what they need. As an educator, I’ve seen a wide variety of families. The kids that struggle most are the ones who are in the mess of meanness due to unhealthy adult relationships, or whose adults are struggling with addiction or mental health issues. I’ve seen happy healthy kids with single parents, divorced but cordial parents, grandparents or aunts/uncles, and same sex parents. It’s about the priorities and care they receive from the adults in their lives. That’s what makes the difference
@pjdava 24 күн бұрын
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, Subscribed because your videos are so much fun!
@emmynoether9540 24 күн бұрын
Great video, Jessica! It's so, so well researched!
@AroAce_Psychopath 24 күн бұрын
I've enjoyed video, really... Thanks for educating about this topic. Unrelated note though the microphone of the camera that was directly facing ya probably... Collapsed, or smth went wrong with post production or it's my Samsung acting up. Thought ya would want to know. Also Rupert is so cute in the footages!!!
@madelynbright2912 24 күн бұрын
Thanks for the stress relief 💕
@jackielinde7568 24 күн бұрын
Please tell me how you got so lucky with Rupert. I have a 21-year-old I'm STILL trying to get her to use her manners. I mean, she's a good kid otherwise, but would it kill her to ask for something instead of demanding it? Closest we get is "Can I have?"
@SOOKIE42069 24 күн бұрын
as a parent of a kid with same sex parents, yeah my kid fuckin rules and she's gonna be president
@bookslutskye7039 21 күн бұрын
back when i was in school in 2012, i wrote a paper on this exact issue and that paper went on to showcase my school to the board of education! it felt very validating of not only my writing ability but also my identity as this was the same year i came to terms with my own queerness (and all of society's views on the subject)
@iamtheYurkey 23 күн бұрын
this video made me remember making a report on this topic back in 2019, when there were fewer papers and such, and yet in my country it is now illegal to talk about lgbtqia at all, so i'm still glad i'd managed to cover same-sex parents topic before it became too dangerous lol
@chefboyarzee 24 күн бұрын
I haven't been this early to an upload in a while, feels nice. Happy Friday everyone!
@jennifers5560 24 күн бұрын
Happy Friday!
@Lena-ch7mu 24 күн бұрын
Same I wonder if that was intentional? I'm guessing not 😅
@jennifers5560 24 күн бұрын
@@Lena-ch7mupossible a glitch in the Matrix 😀
@ollyoxalls607 24 күн бұрын
Ooh, I have two (or two and a half? It’s an odd dynamic) moms! This’ll be interesting
@ni-ni1902 24 күн бұрын
0:18 I didn't know I was a mom lol
@MrKirby365 22 күн бұрын
I'm so thankful for you. I hope people are educating themselves.
@vees_reflections 19 күн бұрын
thank you for putting so much time and effort into this topic and research. considering much of the discussion about this is based on myths, opinions, and limited experiences, this video is so important to bring about relevant and recent academic research. i am lucky enough to think i have around 7-10 years before i want to have kids, so i hope it becomes easier (and cheaper) for that to happen.
@leekestner1554 23 күн бұрын
I love listening to your voice. I was trained to sing and usually use a smooth voice for speaking but I realized I have gotten sloppy these last few years. Almost no one makes an effort to talk musically anymore. I miss it.
@georgeb.wolffsohn30 24 күн бұрын
Thank You and Please ? You two are doing a phenomenal job.
@stephaniebeckman6885 20 күн бұрын
I just love your nervous Nellie, devil's advocate alter ego in this video! I've spoken to that person so many times in my life. Your acting is impeccable! And the Academy Award goes to... Jessica Kellgren-Fozard!
@Space-tree 23 күн бұрын
Omg I love your videos so much thank you so much.
@Filecabinet0170 24 күн бұрын
We have a now teenager who calls me (bio mum) Mama and other mum Mama Auntie. We chose to have and raise said kiddo in Canada, and while kiddo and I both adore my home country, Canada is amazing and an excellent choice. Canada has had gay marriage since 2005 federally (2003 in some provinces and in the military) and both same sex and opposite sex couples can be declared common-law married and have the same rights regarding each other’s pensions, inheritance, etc with or without a legal certificate. Even 14 years ago we could have both mums on the birth certificate. Trust me, Canada’s not perfect, but it’s better than my part of the UK for much of the issues related to same sex marriage and parenting. Yay 🇨🇦!
@louparsons 20 күн бұрын
Thanks for joining us. YVR
@Filecabinet0170 19 күн бұрын
@@louparsonsThanks for letting me stay! Of the several countries in which I’ve lived it’s definitely got a top spot. ❤