"You're not a bad person if you make a mistake and dont learn from it the first time" is something I really needed to hear and realize because it's SO true. 💓

Was literally in the midst of crying when this came out. Postponing the sadness until later.

i love this podcast bc it’s literally how my brain works

you being extremely self aware and verbalising it will probably help a lot of people in the sense it might help their self awakening.Keep trauma dumping it’s very comforting

the realisation that "people don't like to see you heal" is so honest, but true. I've struggled and had to grow a lot this year. It's been interesting to see how people have felt uncomfortable or 'threatened' by my ability to overcome, mature, self-reflect (etc.) because it often makes them feel insecure about their own lack of healing. at the end of the day, we're all responsible for our own healing and no one else's.

We owe so much to our past selves, the hurt we went through, how resilient we were, past you deserves a hug. You're so self aware 🧡✨

Just had a breakup myself. Feels like hell when you know she's the cheater and then walking out of the relationship she's the one who couldn't care less and you're the one hurting and utterly wrecked

You have no clue how helpful this is Madeline. For the past year I’ve gone through such a similar situation, thank you love

Escalating between intense healing and bad habits sounds so familiar, thank you for verbalizing it!

This was one of the most thoughtful and well spoken introspections I’ve ever heard. Mad props to you for not only being so incredibly self aware that you can easily spot the areas that need improvement, but also for being so open and vulnerable with it and giving us all more food for thought. Just subscribed and can’t wait to hear more about how you see life!

yes yes yes. you don’t even understand how much i love this woman💘

Your voice is overall calming to listen to. Whatever happens, you must prioritize yourself first. We appreciate you for voicing your own insights or opinions. May God bless you.

I think it’s so important to be compassionate for your younger and traumatized self. I really appreciate you acknowledging this and being kind to her. Love this podcast! So real to me!

“I didn’t deserve to take up space in the world unless I was earning that space by bettering myself” - I love listening to you talk because so many of your thoughts are my thoughts! I just feel understood

I needed to hear this tonight. I'm in the process of healing from a traumatic breakup/relationship in which my trust was violated and just hearing that someone else has gone through the same and felt the same way I do is so comforting. gives me hope.

It's so crazy that we can be so hard on ourselves sometimes!!! This is so relatable! Thank you for sharing! We all have so much to heal from and so much to learn!

Madeline thank you so much for being so honest and open with us!!! It's so awesome that you use your platform for these kinds of conversations!!! I love you and keep growing and healing my love!!!

Girl... We have lived the same life here, this sounded exactly like my traumatic breakup, into the greatest healing era of my life experience. And thank you for being so raw, it can take years to heal with so many ups and downs, does not happen over night, but wow is it worth it. Especially when you can step back and see first hand the progress and healing you have done. Thank you for this, resonated truly :)

I can't believe I listened for whole 39 minutes, and still felt like just 10 minutes! I had to recheck the length of video. Your brutal honesty makes anyone connect instantly! Or maybe I had same kind of experience in that period of time too, from introvert to extrovert, to kinda introvert again, to now shifting my gear to kinda extrovert soon.

The part around 20:00 about framing self respect as "looking back at past 'you' with gratefulness for what they went through, and that giving you the trust in 'future you' to have your back and know that they'll look at 'present you' with love and respect for what you're going through right now" is so good, first time i personally hear it put in that way or using that "relationship between you's across time". Whole 40 minutes are worth it just for that quick 2 minutes segment. The NZ part was interesting to hear and it's the setup for that gem of a line so it's nice to have heard it. The school part was a bit rambly indeed but I still enjoy the random talk and anecdotes that come up. Don't want to be condescending and all that or be the dude that's like "you're so mature for your age" to younger girls lmfao but I do get that vibe from your way of speaking. I think it's actually my issue and I'm immature for my age (guess dudes in general are like that, but I think maybe more in my case for several reasons), and that I may be relatively late to this self-development talk. Maybe it's a cultural thing or maybe it's just the way media in my country is, but I definitely see a lot less introspection and much more societal / structural issues talk, which fine ig but it's so all-encompassing and it permeates so much every layer of media that it gets old for me quick. Your way of talking feels so much more real to me and it truly feels like someone filling in a friend on what's been happening rather than someone "using a platform for something" (even if that "something" is a good cause). Not hating on those people either, but I do think that I personally am in a place where I need the introspection way more than the "extrospection" or societal analysis or whatever that so many other outlets focus on providing.

your words resonate with me in a way that i’ve never been able to find before. please know that i value this podcast so much and I’m looking forward to where this is going.

So happy your back :’)

your videos bring such an ease to my day. tysm for this 🤍

Went through a horrible breakup last year and currently still healing but so happy I got to the point of knowing my own self worth and having self love and respect, took a while (even before i was ever in a relationship) but im finally here. This is a very encouraging video to continue my healing and growth journey

this brought me so much comfort, thank you for posting this. currently going through my first real break up and something about your videos and your tiktoks just bring me so much comfort i cant describe it. you seem so genuine and you talk with a purpose you're not just saying a bunch of nonsense. and its very refreshing to hear. like if you've managed to get through THAT then i can certainly get through THIS. (that future version of you giving ur current self a hug thing helped a lot) never stop making videos :) lost of love from a 17 y/o in California

"all i've done is trauma dump and talk about school" yeah and i loved every second of it

When you said you didn’t feel like those people were capable of doing those things I felt that so much after the person did more stuff I didn’t like they still shocked me everytime it was crazy but I didn’t know my body could handle this I’m so proud of myself in ways ❤

around 5 minutes is such an evocative way to describe relational trauma. the shock and dissociation. it changes your worldview

it's like i'm seeing my younger self. the way you get consistent in healing is accepting the periods of nothingness. accepting that you don't have to overachieve or be on a certain path. acceptance helps you with the journey. it becomes easier and it flows more natural. what you're trying to gain consistency of is naturalness. if naturalness is even a word

this genuinely cured everything inside me

omg i wish these vids were available on spotify

literally checked your channel like an hour ago to see if you'd uploaded anything, how good is that timing keen to have all of my trauma justified over the next 40 minutes x

your brain and my brain must work the same way.. like you basically read my journal. im so so glad you started this podcast. you are very good at articulating your thoughts and it feels comforting to hear your outlook on life and your experiences. I rarely even consume media these days but THIS (and the occasional Emma chamberlain video) is the only reason I open youtube now

It's so comforting to hear the way you described the trauma of your relationship - I felt dissociative and like I didn't know myself or the world during a relationship I jumped into where the other person did not value me.

Your whole energy is mine and I’m so proud of someone who’s had so many embarrassing things happen to them wear it on your chest and brush it off an laugh it off and having the most fuckifn insane things happening forever to you… we’re soul mates

god i just love you. i have been obsessed with you since i saw the first tiktok of yours and when u started posting here i’ve never been so excited i just keep rewatching your four videos wishing there was more. i want you to know, as someone who is also extremely self aware for myself and others and feel like i’m always on the side of actually understanding people, like you, and how you explained, you’re very admirable and SO beautiful, and whether physically you feel different, you have friends who you make sense to, and who you could trust, here. ew little youtube comment spill i love you

Madeline you have no idea how much i needed to hear this. I am going through this right now and I feel/relate to the way you explain things soo much! Thank you for this

Perfect timing, I love your content . My ex turned so cold when we split, she became a whole new human, in a bad way.

This is so so so relatable to me, thank you ♥️

Thank you so much for this podcast. I feel so seen and understood and I needed that so bad. Love

why do u always post about stuff exactly when i need to hear it like this is eerie. ur so perfect queen i love you

what you said about feeling like people from your past being in a seperate universe because they act in a way that puts you in utter disbelief is sp true 🥰

its absolutely insane how much u make me feel seen and heard. ily

been going through the selfdestructive-healing cycle for so long now. these podcasts are nice :)

It is really true about that people do not like to see you healing I lost what I thought where my best friends when I was getting better! they just got so triggered and would bring me down, what left me so confused. How this could be done by the people who supported me in my worse? why now that I am happier they suddenly despise my improving? So, what I learned is that when you grow you start to disconnect from people who do not ,and you connect with new people who are in your new level! It hurts to say goodbye to so many humans, but is part of the process to become the best version of yourself. Thank You for mentioning this topic.

i love listening to your podcasts sm never stop making these

Just crying reading this because finally someone can put into words EXAXCTLY what I can articulate in my mind but never out loud. Just need my therapist to watch this lol. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with us. Helps 💜💜

she’s literally speaking out my mind and now i know how to put my feelings into words to tell my therapist lmaoo

it is a fundamental fact in your brain that your not attractive??! YOU are genuinely one of the most gorgeous people i have ever seen in my life

im in the same situation rn and just got this recommended to me. Im in such a bad place mentally, i feel like i genuinely cant do anything or function in society 😭. anyway thank u for this

the only thing on my mind is i love her face and all of these colors go so well together its so satisfying. like queens eyes match her the letters on her sweatshirt. I LOVE THAT

Hearing about your experiences with trauma was really comforting, I’m currently in the the healing process for some of the worst pain I’ve ever gone through, and so much of what you went through resonates with what I’m going through now.

Madeline, I almost didn't write this... I have gone through a similar traumatic experience and honestly I haven't heard anyone react to it the same way as me, I legit thought I wasn't in reality.

loved this video and your brutal honesty. really helped me organise my own thoughts

this was so calming and validating to listen to. i feel kinda revived and motivated to like be a better me lol

Girl I love you. Thank you for sharing this. What you were describing about being “in shock” sounds like what I used to say about my derealisation… look into it maybe? Love u

I’m so happy I clicked on this like you made me realise so much about myself and why I am the way I am. Thank you

i love you so much madeline, thank you for this video and thank you for existing.

21:86 “for some reason I only have empathy for 6 year old me and then it just gets really bad after that and now I hate myself which I’m working on” made me subscribe so fast cause why is that so relatable LOL ur not a bad person and I appreciate how real you keep it

I love this! I love listening to your trauma dumping!

i watch a video of 40mn and i think about it for at least a week, thank you for talking the way you do, as a non english speaker you make it very easy to understand love

I absolutely love your podcasts I listen to them when I’m gaming or doing my makeup and it definitely makes my day!! Thank you beautiful 💗✨

I’ve never heard her speak slowly and so calmly. I prefer it, very soothing.

There’s me thinking there were no words to conceptualise my experience and here comes this video. Everything made literal sense 😢

wanna thank you for sharing your experience! im trauma dumping rn, but i got out of a one-sided schtick where the dude became super abusive and started calling me a dog. and my mutual friends r more interested in staying friends with him or being in his pants. i totally related when you said you saw things you never expected people were capable of doing. thank you again for making me feel less alone with my experience 💔

I’ve never watched any of your KZfaq vids but love this video so much, it’s extremely understandable and relatable 😭🫶 love u madz x

i literally love you sm and all your thoughts are like mine and i just relate to you so much thank you!

I was listening to a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me). In my healing journey - I’ve had to overhaul how I approach work/habits by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my habits (ex. journaling/working out) - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on my youtube channel. Because historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small-ish, consistent mediocre effort everyday. And its crazy how it adds up, and its crazy how much better I’m able to handle the bad days when anxiety is trying to take over.

madeline i swear to god, this is the first video/ podcast thing ive watched of you. ive only ever watched one of ur vlog thingys but this seriously ive related to everything thtas come out of ur mouth during this. so please keep talking your thoughts and im sure lots of people are dealing with this miserable cycle of healing or whatever but hopefully with time we can all imorove and understand ourselves better

Thank you. Very relatable. You’re an angel.

ur vids always put me in a better mood

I really needed this today x

I love u ❤ thank u for making this podcast u make feel better when when im feeling depressed

I think we’ve all Been through this! I’m 33 and iv been going through this so at your age that’s a lot and it’s better to go through it! It 100% sets you up for a better future! 💗💗💗

listening to you while i am stdying :)) thank you for making these videos it inspires me so much

thanks for this.

going through a lot of this atm. helps a lot to know i'm not alone.

i love how you talk about deep stuff, its pretty interesting. also i am obsessed with your rings and nails 😍

Madeline, I've watched all of your podcast and I use to watch your tiktok's religiously but i deleted tiktok as I have bipolar disorder and I act like kanye west on them posting all my manic psychotic delusions. You always say that you don't make any sense or what you've said is waffle. Madeline you are completely wrong, what you say is not only understandable to every adult that can hear; it is also extremely relatable and the way you word and speak makes it extremely easy to connect with your beautiful, powerful and strong words. I've struggled with my mental health since I was 8 and have been abused by family and I was constantly sexually abused from the ages of 12-20 but different men in double digits. However now i'm thriving, healing and so so happy and even better i have found peace. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself and where you have gotten do. The universe loves you, everyone that watches your content love you and I love you madeline. Big up to your mum for creating such a wonderful, kind and empathetic, strong woman!!

much needed ep, sending love ur way!!

I listened to you and now Im feeling calm and relieved

I love how every so often you say “what was my point” like that is me sending voice notes to my friends 😭

I think at the beginning the feeling that you’re talking about is Dissociation from trauma. I experienced that this year after my breakup and I still feel it. Like you said it’s almost like you’re in shock, I think when you heal & accept the person for who they really are and the situation for what it is, then you get out of it. But when you’re in it, it almost feels like you’re watching a movie or that it’s not really your reality.

You’re not the only one that has experienced delusion / detachment due to trauma. The brain simply becomes too overwhelmed with the stress of the reality it has been given and so to cope it detaches itself from the reality it has been given and creates a new narrative for itself such as like you said being placed in a different universe and having the people it loved being stuck in another world. Trauma response is different for everyone but this response is one that so many people have to deal with including me :( it sucks

I really recommend a book called The 7 habits of effective people. I’ve learned so much from it and it was a huge game changer in terms of healing and having a healthy consistent relationship with myself and others!

I’ve been checking my notifications for you to upload the past few weeks lol. So glad you posted!!

Thanks a lot for this, its so peaceful

are we the same freaking person?? you just named the things i've been through and my feelings. thank you so much, it's good to know i'm not the only one going through things like this.

Bro. U r way too scary accurate in your description you’re literally preaching rn. I felt this exact same shit

i literally hate podcasts but i love ur thoughts and ideas so much and i absolutely love ur vids

I love this person never ever change

Perfect level of chaotic for my brain. My besties have also gone to NZ for a YEAR and I MISS them, but yeah I’m stuck in London until they return

We have a lot of really similar life experiences and hearing you discuss them gives me a lot of insight into my own past and how it impacted me. I also have ADHD and I related to a lot that you said in that episode, too. Great podcast, glad u recorded this :)

this is genuinely the only podcast i listen to

I feel so grateful for find this in internet. It's so relatable to me. Greetings from Poland. 💌

You're so comforting 🥰

Just what I needed to hear ❤ Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💭

you don’t understand how much i need this today, i stupidly took back an ex and i just let her go for the final time ever and it’s such a weird feeling

Its so funny to learn and understand that most of us today are experiencing the same relationship with work and life…craving consistency. Because I related to what she had to say almost word for word in some parts Theres had to be something particular behind it

its crazy that everyone just loves this human via youtube videos, you still the hero of the earth tho