"My body is a temple and you ain't a member" 😂😂😂😂

It should've been, "here's the church, here's the steeple.... I think it's time for us to see other people"

“ my body is a temple, and you ain’t a member “ That’s my favourite xD

"I think we should just be brother and sister in Christ" This is my breakup line plain and simple

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. **silence** Do you see me clapping my hands? No? *It's because I ain't happy*

"I was looking through the book of numbers and realized I hadn't blocked yours yet!"

“Call me Peter because your about to be denied three time” 😂

Showing this to my husband. He said "do you want prayer because I'd like to lay my hands on you" "Yeah actually I've been a little stressed could use some stress relief ;)" Husband: *actually prays over me*

Is this relationship Egypt? Because I'm getting out! This relationship must be the Red Sea because I'm leaving you in it! Is this relationship the Walls of Jericho? Because it won't last a week! Do you read Proverbs? Because I don't think its wise to continue this relationship Are you a tombstone? Because its time you rolled outta my life Is this relationship tithes? Cuz these days I only give 10% John started it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because for sure you got kicked out.

"If I'm the Bible, you're the book of Thomas...NOT INCLUDED!"

“Are you a short term mission-trip because you’re doing more harm than good” UNDERRATED hahahahah

I kinda want to read the bible just so I could understand more of these videos

Our relationship is like Family Christian Book Store; Christ centered and about to close.

I was reading the gospels for relationship advice and Jesus said ‘it is finished,’ so I’m leaving you. 😂

"I see you as more of a prayer partner then a date partner", "I'm not sure if our callings are compatible", "we need to have some space...for Jesus"

Call me Matt Redman, because I have 10,000 reasons 😂😂

"Call me Matt Redman cause I got 10,000 reasons" SHOOK

"I was reading through Numbers and realized I hadn't blocked yours!" Me: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

“I once was blind, but I’m about to see myself out of this relationship” is the best one by far. To the point and honest, but also funny. Wish I had this one earlier 😂😂😂

"did it hurt when you fell from heaven, because you for sure got kicked out" best line ever.

“You’re in DE NILE!” John S T O P

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven, cuz you for sure got kicked out" Choked on saliva laughing so hard. Also, his face at 2:06.

Here's the church Here's the steeple Open the doors *And we ain't together anymore I'm going to a different church BYE* Don't use that one 😂

"I know you think I'm your Boaz, but I'm just not feeling it. Maybe I can just be your Bro-az instead?"

Book of Thomas... not included

Legit had a guy tell me “God gave the clarity that I shouldn’t date you.” I said cool lol

“I just feel like Paul, there’s a constant thorn in my side and I’m pretty sure it’s you”😂😂

cuz you bout ta be denied THREE times! LOL love it!!!

Short Term mission trips...best part lol

"All things work together for good. But we ain't together and this ain't good" I love it and I will use it. Thank you 😂😂😂

“May the Lord watch between me and thee, while we’re absent one from another!”

The de Nile was great

"For I know the plans, and you ain't part of 'em." i think it's in the message bible

the short term mission trip one is KILLER

A real one I’ve gotten is “we’re not connecting spiritually “

I just feel like Paul, you know? There's a constant thorn in my side, and I'm pretty sure it's you. *Boom. Roasted* Btw I saw you at Winter Jam in Columbus! You were amazing!!

Do you need prayer bc I wanna lay my hands on you... "you need to call the cops if someone says that to you..." OMG i cannot stop laughing XD XD

He forgot "I just don't have peace about this." And, "I always wanted to marry a pastor." Both used on me in real life.

This is so much easier for Catholics. "Honey, I just think you should consider the convent/seminary." Or, if you're really desperate, "I think I'm called to be a priest.:

I know the plans and you are not a part of them 😅

Omg!!! They’re all so mean!!! But I’m dying!!! Hahahahaha!!! 😂😂😂😂

The look in your eyes when you say, "There's a constant thorn in my side and I'm pretty sure it's you." haha. 1:31

"I just feel like Paul there's a constant thorn in my side and I'm pretty sure it's you!"😆😆😆😂😂😂

HAHA too funny! 'are you the book of revelation, because this story is about to be over!' :D

Girl, did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.

His delivery is what makes it the best 🤣 so great!!!

I'm like Thomas, because I doubt we'll be together.

YAASSS!!! Please add more segments to Christian Breakup Lines! ❤

The sass is reeeeeaaal

"I just feel like Paul, there's a constant thorn on my side...and it's you" I can't breathe! 😆😂😂😂

"do you know kirk Cameron because you about to be left behind" lmfao

Dang, he just roasted them in Biblical proportions! Well done, John Crist! 😂😂😂😆😆😆

I lost it with the short term missions trip hahaha

I once was blind, but now I'm about to see myself out of this relationship. So accurate...

🙏 “For I know the plans and you ain’t a part of um” loved that one 😂

All things work together for good, but we ain't together, and this ain't good! *Ouch.*

I had a friend who was told "I think God's calling for me is to be a nun....so... we can't be together anymore." and then two weeks later she was dating someone else

Are you about to be wrongly accused? Cause this is gonna be our last supper. 😂

"My body is a temple, and you ain't a member" BRUH!!! 😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀

The “de Nile” one is gold 😂

I wish I had these breakup lines when I was breaking up

You MercyMe? Cause I can only imagine being happy in this relationship! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

“ My body is a temple and you ain’t a member ” BEST LINE EVER!🤣🤣🤣

Is it bad I wrote some of these down😂😂❤️

I saw John Crist at Winter Jam and he was so funny I couldn't stop laughing

This guy is probably the most underrated comedian I've ever come across. What a gem

😂😂😂 So quick and witty. John should be a dad on a sitcom raising Christian kids in a fallen world. Then like Seinfeld a quick stand up skit at the end.

omg i'm gonna use all of these in the future

I just realized John B Crist's mannerisms are exactly like Tom Haverford from Parks and Rec

"Hey do you know Kirk Cameron? 'Cause you about to be Left Behind." 😂🤣

"did it hurt when you fell from heaven because you FOR SURE got kicked out" 😂😂

If you're happy and you know it...👐

The last supper one is gold.

"if I'm the Bible, you are the book of Thomas", laughed so hard and loud

I love John Crist 😂

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! **

I thought these were pick-up lines.... then I was like some of these are rude, I re-read the title.. rip

you forgot the best one is your name 99 because i am leaving you to find the one.

This is HILARIOUS 😂😂 my youth group showed it on Wednesday and I had to show my family 😂👌🏻 great job!

Best comedian ever

I starting to think that "Vanessa" is his ex's name...he mentions her name a lot in his videos😂

oh my gosh, this is the third video of yours I'm watching, comin from KZfaq weird recommendation, I'm really enjoying your video stuffs! it makes me smile!

Here’s one: *holds hand by his heart* says, hears the church and steeple open it up and you ain’t one of these people

“Do you know Kurt Cameron? ‘Cause you ‘bout to be Left Behind.”

Hey babe let's make like the bread at the last supper and *BREAK UP* I am the vine and you are the branches remain in me HAHA JUST KIDDING I'M THE *LEAVES* Well I'm not David Dunn because after this relationship there ain't no way *I'll wanna go back* Are you temptation? because pretty sure God told me to *FLEE* Do you believe in predestination? Because *I sure hope my destiny isn't with you.* Are you King Eglon? (Warning: *DO NOT,* under any circumstances, say this to a girl) because *you ain't working out.* Alright, TobyMac, I'll be packing my bags and you can stay. *That's me without you-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo* (you might get some weird looks for this one). Am I the book of Leviticus? Because I feel like you keep *IGNORING ME*

"Cuz you bout ta be denied THREE times!!" OMGoodness THAT is emphatically hilarious!! Keep it comin' bro! (I'll be using that one BTW lol!)

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cuz you for sure got kicked out." LMAOOO 😂😂

Had to watch twice hilarious

You could just send someone the video and let John Crist do all the work lol. This had me laughing so hard John is so clever!😂

For I know the plans and you're not a part of um. That's the best variation of my absolute favorite verse I have ever heard!

Are you an alcoholic beverage? 'Cuz I can't be seen with you.

Happy Sunday! This is comedy gold! Thank you so much for putting a smile on my face😂😆😀! I always enjoy your videos! My favorite line is I was reading the book of numbers and realize I needed to block your number lol!! Have a wonderful weekend!

I got so pumped when this came in my notifs! Love it!

"Call me Matt Redman coz I got 10,000 reasons" 😂😂😂 love that song

Oh my gosh,That was amazing.You should do a part two.

That mission one tho!! Xd

Oh my goodnessssssss!!! I’m dying!! Best vid yet, love you John!😂😂😂

I loved this you need to do another one.

I just heard Francesca Batistelli's The break up song and thought of you lmfao!!!